You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation

A good basic communication book, focusing on different communication styles, and structures. I don't think it applies to *all* men, or *all* women, but it's a good base to consider, and for that it's an excellent book.

Over all the book was helpful, it was the difference in thinking that caused conflict in my marriage, but I know this can help me in my future relationships.

It took me about a year to get through this, just because I kept putting it down and forgetting it. It was an easy read, though. More detailed than I really needed, but not at all too dense. Just many, many examples. The book covers gender communication in general, with plenty of attention given to children, so it's definitely more textbook than self-help.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone of the opposite sex that seemed like you were operating on different wavelengths, or that the conversation you thought you were having was interpreted completely differently by the other party? Dr. Tannen argues that it's not in your head: women and men in conversation is much closer to cross-cultural communication than we might imagine. She then goes on to enumerate the many ways that miscommunication arises based on the different ways we tend to speak and interpret conversations: through the lens of status (men) or connection (women).Dr. Tannen's research, including transcripts of conversations from studies of boys, girls, men, and women of various ages and anecdotal evidence from real conversations persuasively makes the case for the status and connection at work in every conversation. I appreciated that the author never makes a moral judgment about the way one or the other interprets the conversation. She merely explains what's going on from each point of view, giving each party the language to express what they're trying to do or say. I recognized many conversations as ones I have had with my brother, my father, and male friends. Some of the topics she touches on, such as high-involvement/high-considerate and direct/indirect ways of speaking are beneficial even in conversations with people of the same sex (for example, as a "high-involvement speaker" I can now explain to my family that I really do end a sentence with "and" waiting for someone to overlap my speech). Because she ties everything back to the original ideas of status and connection, her comments on conversations do become a bit repetitive after awhile. But her conversational style and clear presentation of a persuasive argument make this book worth reading.

Do you have any interactions with people of the opposite sex? Read this book.Do you ever wonder why even your own gender acts in such a particular why? Read this book.Seriously, I thought this book would be a very dull, dry, read. Gender and linguistics aren't the most exciting of subjects, usually - but in Tannen's expert hands this becomes a fascinating and balanced read. It's not anti-woman or anti-man, but tries to study the reasons - cultural or otherwise - why we communicate the way we do. It gets to the very root of gender differences. Most women seek commonalities with other women (one complains of an ailment, the other sympathizes with a similar tale of woe) while men tend to one-up the other in a hierarchcal scramble for dominance (a guy has an ailment, so the other guy ignores it, dismisses it, or elevates his own standing). The book cites studies of children and shows how they show many of the same communicative patterns of adults. The author also refers to a variety of literature and personal anecdotes to illustrate situations.My husband even picked up this book and flipped through and said he was impressed by it. My husband rarely reads books.As a writer, I think this book will be an excellent source for honing dialog and creating conflict. This is a keeper.

A solid book on an interesting topic.