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Sh*t My Dad Says

Sh*t My Dad Says

Written by Justin Halpern

Narrated by Sean Schemmel


Sh*t My Dad Says

Written by Justin Halpern

Narrated by Sean Schemmel

ratings:
4.5/5 (244 ratings)
Length:
3 hours
Publisher:
Released:
May 4, 2010
ISBN:
9780062012364
Format:
Audiobook

Also available as...

Also available as bookBook

Also available as...

Also available as bookBook

Description

After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, twenty-eight-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his seventy-three-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is "like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair," has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:

"That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them."

"Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking."

"The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two."

Almost two million people now follow Mr. Halpern's philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes. An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny's, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns' kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh*t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.

Publisher:
Released:
May 4, 2010
ISBN:
9780062012364
Format:
Audiobook

Also available as...

Also available as bookBook

About the author

Justin Halpern is the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Sh*t My Dad Says, inspired by his massively popular Twitter feed. SPOILER ALERT: He lives with his wife in Los Angeles.


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Reviews

What people think about Sh*t My Dad Says

4.3
244 ratings / 140 Reviews
What did you think?
Rating: 0 out of 5 stars

Reader reviews

  • (4/5)
    This was a great read, I finished it in 2 sittings. The shit Justin's dad says, is not only funny, but there's love beneath it. That makes it really good.
  • (4/5)
    I really enjoyed this book and it had lots of laugh out loud funny moments, which is great on the bus as it means people don't sit next to you.
  • (5/5)
    My head says, "this guy has got to be making this stuff up about his dad" but my heart says, "God, I wish I knew Justin's dad! He's freakin' hilarious!" One of my favorite quotes: "The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two."
  • (4/5)
    This was great as an audiobook! I started it at work to give me something to listen to and it kept me entertained! I also listened in the car and while knitting and laughed along the way.
  • (5/5)
    If foul language offends you then this not the book for you. That being said the books is laugh out loud funny literally. His dad is no nonsense and says pretty much whatever comes to mind, foul language included. Covers a lot of ground from jobs to sex, bullying to religion. I was going to put some little quotes in here from the book but it seems that all that were very funny also have foul language. Again runs the gambit and sure to make most of us laugh.
  • (5/5)
    Not exactly a parenting manual, this little book is often laugh-out-loud funny, but if cursing bothers you, stay away. The relationship between this father and son is one of the most honest one could ever imagine...enjoy.
  • (3/5)
    Mildly amusing, and a fast read.
  • (5/5)
    HILARIOUS!!!!! Do NOT read this book in a place where you have to be quiet or may draw unwanted attention upon yourself - it's THAT funny!
  • (4/5)
    This was great as an audiobook! I started it at work to give me something to listen to and it kept me entertained! I also listened in the car and while knitting and laughed along the way.
  • (4/5)
    Light funny read. Some very wrong moments.
  • (4/5)
    This is really funny, but underneath the humor & bluster is a whole lot of love and support.

    **************SPOILERS w/ Cursing**********

    "On finding out I tired marijuana: 'Pretty great, right?... Really? Well, we differ in opinion then. Don't tell your mom I said that though. Tell her I yelled at you and called you a moron. Actually, don't tell her anything. See, now I'm paranoid, and i didn't even smoke any.'"

    "On getting a job as a cook at Hooters: 'You, my good man, are not as dumb as I first fucking suspected.'"

    "On Talking Heads: 'Do these announcers ever shut the fuck up? Don't ever say stuff just because you think you should. That's the definition of an asshole.'"

    "On my first day of kindergarten: 'You thought it was hard? If kindergarten is busting your ass, I got some bad news for you about the rest of your life.'"

    "On accidents: 'I don't give a shit how it happened, the window is broken....Wait, why is there syrup everywhere? okay, now you know what? Now I give a shit how it happened. Let's hear it.'

    "On getting in trouble at school: 'why would you throw a ball in someone's face?...Huh. That's a pretty good reason. Well, I can't do much about your teacher being pissed, but me and you are good.'"
  • (4/5)
    A quick read, but very funny. I had started following the twitter feed back when it was growing in popularity. Although many of the pages are compilations of the twitter quotes, it was sweet to read the personal scenes of real life anecdotes that gave more dimension to the dad and son and their relationship with each other.
  • (5/5)
    Hilarious.
  • (4/5)
    Amusing, light read
  • (5/5)
    This is a hysterical book. You have to look past the sh*ts and the f*cks, and the potty humor. But there is some real wisdom in here. Here is a gem:On the Right Time to Have Children"It's never the right time to have kids, but it's always the right time for screwing. God's not a dumb shit. He knows how it works." And there you have it.My dad was not really in my life, but I can almost hear my Uncle Jack saying some of these things.
  • (5/5)
    I listened to the audio version. Hilarious
  • (5/5)
    Funny. Very funny. Justin Halpern shares with us his father's views on life. I don't even know him and I love his dad!
  • (4/5)
    Hilarious! A quick and funny read. Audio book is a little over three hours long. Fun!
  • (5/5)
    very, very funny
  • (5/5)
    Funniest book I've read this year. Laugh out loud funny. (Even funnier if you imagine Bill Shatner barking the pearls of wisdom - shame about his cancelled show.)
  • (4/5)
    very funny
  • (5/5)
    Hilarious...
  • (5/5)
    This book is great!
  • (5/5)
    This book was so hilarious I had to reread pages because I laughed so hard.
  • (4/5)
    I first heard about this author on Twitter. He basically started his Twitter feed by just posting the random, hilarious words of wisdom said by his dad. One gem includes "No. Humans will die out. We're weak. Dinosaurs survived on rotten flesh. You got diarrhea last week from a Wendy's." So, maybe it's not the most sophisticated book, but it is hilarious and there are parts that actually made me laugh out loud. And if you need a good moral, the father really does love his family, even if he shows it in a different way.
  • (5/5)
    Really funny and at the same time insightful with a dad who says what he thinks anytime and anywhere
  • (4/5)
    Good book and funny
    It made me think about my dad
  • (1/5)
    Didn't enjoy the recording or context of stories. Just wasn't my cup of tea to listen to all that foul language. And in not a prude, but its use seemed forced.
  • (1/5)
    There was humor buried under so many f*****g curse words that I didn't want to listen to another chapter.
  • (5/5)
    Reminded me of my own father who has passed. I laughed out loud so many times! Considering the times we now live, this was so needed!