Stupidest Things Ever Said by Kathryn Petras and Ross Petras - Read Online
Stupidest Things Ever Said
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Not just stupidity, but obsessive stupidity! Not just random stupidity, but organized stupidity! Here, from the celebrated collectors of the stupidest things ever said, it’s the cre`me de la cre`me of stupidities, made even funnier and more compelling in an irresistible top 10 list format. Try one:

The Top 10 Stupidest Actual Book Titles:

1. A Toddler’s Guide to the Rubber Industry
2. Constipation and our Civilization
3. Greek Rural Postmen and Their Cancellation Numbers 4. The Secret of Sphincters
5. A Pictorial Book of Tongue Coating
6. Life and Laughter ’midst the Cannibals
7. Be Bold With Bananas
8. Hand-Grenade Throwing as a College Sport
9. Collect Fungi on Stamps
10. A Study of Hospital Waiting Lists in Cardiff, 1953–1954

Plus lost-in-translation moments. Doubles entendres. Political speeches, foreign menus, traffic signs. Celebrities on literature, on homelessness, on revealing too much about themselves. Mangled cliche´s and bizarre analogies, the wit of the witless and comedy of the clueless—never before have so many said something so dumb, now in one book.
Published: Workman eBooks on
ISBN: 9780761168683
List price: $10.95
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Examples of Celebrities Sharing Their Vast Knowledge

1. Pericles? Is he the guy that did the thing with the potatoes?

actress Tara Reid

2. Radio host Howard Stern: What is the capital of New York?

Actress Tori Spelling: New Jersey?

3. Who is Yom Kippur? Is that the name of the new Japanese designer?

model-turned-businesswoman Kathy Ireland

4. I feel like a pilgrim from the f***ing ’20s washing this shit in the sink.

Jersey Shore reality star Snooki

5. Q: Did you visit the Parthenon when you were in Greece?

Basketball star Shaquille O’Neil: I can’t really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.

6. This [the threads in a $20 bill] is so the United States government can scan you. They can tell if you’re carrying too much currency. When I showed this to my husband, it really wowed him. When I pulled out this little spy trick, he knew how well he’d done with me.

actress Patricia Arquette, during an Us magazine interview, in which she pulled out a $20 bill, ripped off a corner, and pointed out the threads in the bill to the reporter

7. Lawyer: What was your companion’s last name?

Socialite Paris Hilton: It is like a weird Greek name. Like Douglas.

8. TV host Jon Stewart: What is the capital of Uruguay?

Actor Lorenzo Lamas: There is no capital of Uruguay, you dummy—it’s a country!

9. How can you get a volcano in Iceland? When you think of volcanos you think of Hawaii, or long words like that. You don’t think of Iceland. It’s too cold to have a volcano there.

CNN anchor Rick Sanchez

10. Q: Who was the president during the Civil War?

Rocker Tommy Lee: Ummm … Winston Churchill? I wasn’t around then, so who cares?

Q: What is an isosceles triangle?

Lee: Somewhere in Bermuda?

Q: What is pi?

Lee:Is that the 2 = MC squared thing?

Personal Introductions

1. A man I’m proud to call my friend. A man who will be the next president of the United States—Barack America!

Sen. Joe Biden, at his first campaign rally with Sen. Barack Obama

2. Speaking of animals, he married his wife, Suzanne, when he was in college.

Utah governor Mike Leavitt, introducing Sen. Larry Craig

3. My friends, it’s with a great deal of pride that I present to you a president who wants to cut jobs—who wants to cut taxes to cut jobs—who wants to stop the regulations to cut the jobs … .

politician introducing President George Bush to an audience

4. Hi, I’m Dean White, Dick of the college.

Duke University academic dean Richard (Dick) White, introducing himself at a faculty