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Cracking the Communication Code Workbook: The Secret to Speaking Your Mate's Language
Cracking the Communication Code Workbook: The Secret to Speaking Your Mate's Language
Cracking the Communication Code Workbook: The Secret to Speaking Your Mate's Language
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Cracking the Communication Code Workbook: The Secret to Speaking Your Mate's Language

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An in-depth study of the vital principles from the best-selling Cracking the Communication Code now in workbook form.

Communication between couples has been dissected in thousands of books and articles so why does it remain the number one marriage problem? "Because," says Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, "most spouses don't know that they speak two different languages. They are sending each other messages in 'code,' but they won't crack that code until they see that she listens to hear the language of love and he listens to hear the language of respect." Dr. Eggerichs' best-selling book, Love and Respect, launched a revolution in how couples relate to each other. Now with the Cracking the Communication Code companion workbook, the message of this hardcover trade book can be studied and applied whether for a group or for individual couples. The result will be better communication, mutual understnding, and a successful godly marriage.

LanguageEnglish
PublisherThomas Nelson
Release dateApr 1, 2008
ISBN9781418574215
Cracking the Communication Code Workbook: The Secret to Speaking Your Mate's Language
Author

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Emerson Eggerichs, PhD, is an internationally known communication expert and author of the New York Times bestseller Love & Respect.  Just as Dr. Eggerichs transformed millions of marital relationships with a biblical understanding of love and respect, he also turned these principles to one of the most important relationships of all in Mother & Son:  The Respect Effect.  As a communication expert, Emerson has also spoken to groups such as the NFL, NBA, PGA, US Navy SEALs and members of Congress. He was the senior pastor of Trinity Church in East Lansing, Michigan for almost twenty years.  Emerson holds a PhD in child and family ecology from Michigan State University, a BA in Biblical Studies from Wheaton College, an MA in communications from Wheaton College Graduate School, and an MDiv from the University of Dubuque Theological Seminary. He and his wife Sarah have been married since 1973 and have three adult children.  

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    However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband (Ephesians 5:33 ESV).This verse is the basis for the Love and Respect system as promoted by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. His Love and Respect book, DVD series, and seminars have become very popular and have been a great benefit to many couples throughout the country. The fundamental principle that women need love and men need respect and that each should give what the other needs unconditionally has great value in a marriage.But how, exactly, can a man communicate love and a wife communicate respect? This is the subject of The Language of Love & Respect: Cracking the Communication Code With Your Mate, by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.This book was previously published as Cracking the Communication Code but has now been helpfully re-titled in order to better demonstrate its alignment with the core love and respect principles presented in the original Love and Respect.The Language of Love and Respect can be seen as the "intermediate" or "advanced" level of the Love and Respect concept. The fundamental concepts of Love and Respect are presented in the first part of the book-- women need love, men need respect, they should not step on each other's air hose, men see the world and hear the world as men and women as women, "blue" and "pink," not wrong, just different, and the three cycles: the crazy cycle, the energized cycle, and the rewarded cycle. This recap is beneficial, but the reader would benefit from a thorough study of the original book on Love and Respect.The Language of Love and Respect then returns to each of the three cycles-- the crazy cycle, the energized cycle, and the rewarded cycle-- and expands on the concepts presented. The reader is introduced to the process by which Emerson came to his conclusions. More examples of the difficulties and how to get beyond them are presented. The reader will more likely than not find him or herself within many of those situations and thus can benefit from considering them.The focus on the "crazy" cycle is how to decode the message the spouse is presenting-- how to get behind the argued issue to understand the underlying difficulty. In the "energized" cycle, the focus is on how to apply COUPLE and CHAIRS, the means by which to energize women and men, respectively, and how to clarify communication before the "craziness" begins.For the crazy and energized cycles there is just an expansion of the concepts already presented in Love and Respect, and such is valuable. More is presented with the rewarded cycle, focusing on the "Jesus way of talking," using principles in Ephesians 4-5 regarding speaking in ways that are consistent with Jesus-- words of truth, encouragement, forgiveness, thankfulness, and Scripture.The Language of Love and Respect, therefore, is the ideal next step after one has considered Love and Respect-- finding ways to put the principles into practice in everyday communication. The Language of Love and Respect emphasizes not only the Biblical principles that lead to better marriage but places its own emphasis on how, in the end, it's not about the marriage as much as it is about God in Christ. We must "be Jesus" in our marital relationships, relationships with children, parents, employers, employees, friends, etc.Eggerichs is an Evangelical and apologizes in the book for total depravity and "once saved, always saved"; nevertheless, these do not really affect the concepts and principles in this book.Everyone who is in a marriage relationship or intends to be in a marriage relationship at some point will benefit from the Love and Respect material, and The Language of Love & Respect is a welcome addition to that material. This is a must read for both husbands and wives!

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Cracking the Communication Code Workbook - Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Title page with Thomas Nelson logo

© 2008 by Emerson Eggerichs

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or any other—except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a registered trademark of Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Thomas Nelson, Inc. titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fund-raising, or sales promotional use.

For information, please e-mail SpecialMarkets@ThomasNelson.com.

Published in association with Yates and Yates, LLP, Attorneys and Literary Agents, Orange, California.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the New American Standard Bible® (NASB), © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation.

Additional Scripture quotations are taken from the following sources:

The King James Version (KJV). Public domain. The Message (MSG) by Eugene H. Peterson. © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved. The Holy Bible, New International Version® (NIV®). © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. The New International Reader’s Version® (NIRV®). © 1996, 1998 International Bible Society. All rights reserved throughout the world. Used by permission of International Bible Society. The Holy Bible, New Living Translation (NLT), © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved. The Holy Bible, English Standard Version (ESV). © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. The Good News Bible: The Bible in Today’s English Version (TEV), © 1976 by the American Bible Society.

Interior Design: Rainbow Graphics, Kingsport, TN.

ISBN 10: 0-7852-2842-X

ISBN 13: 978-0-7852-2842-4

08 09 10 11 RRD 6 5 4 3 2 1

Information about External Hyperlinks in this ebook

Please note that footnotes in this ebook may contain hyperlinks to external websites as part of bibliographic citations. These hyperlinks have not been activated by the publisher, who cannot verify the accuracy of these links beyond the date of publication.

EBOOK INSTRUCTIONS

In this ebook edition, please use your device’s note-taking function to record your thoughts wherever you see the bracketed instructions [Your Notes] or [Your Response Here]. Use your device’s highlighting function to record your response whenever you are asked to checkmark, circle, underline, or otherwise indicate your answer(s).

CONTENTS

EBOOK INSTRUCTIONS

BEFORE YOU BEGIN YOUR STUDY OF

Cracking the Communication Code

PART ONE: A Book Within a Book

SESSION ONE

Introduction: Is Communication Really the Key to Marriage?

Chapter 1 – A Short Course on Love and Respect

PART TWO: Three Vital Truths for Better Communication

SESSION TWO

Chapter 2 – In Marriage, the Mouth Matters

Chapter 3 – Not Wrong, Just Different

SESSION THREE

Chapter 4 – Can You Trust Your Spouse’s Goodwill? (Can Your Spouse Trust Yours?)

PART THREE: The Crazy Cycle: A Relentless Enemy of Marital Communication

SESSION FOUR

Chapter 5 – Decode—and Stop the Crazy Cycle

Chapter 6 – Ouch! You’re Stepping on My Air Hose!

SESSION FIVE

Chapter 7 – Forgiveness: The Ultimate Strategy for Halting the Crazy Cycle

PART FOUR: The Energizing Cycle: To Better Communicate, Meet Your Spouse’s Needs

SESSION SIX

Chapter 8 – Enjoy Win-Win Communication on the Energizing Cycle

SESSION SEVEN

Chapter 9 – Decode—and Then Use C-H-A-I-R-S to Energize Him

Chapter 10 – Decode—and Then Use C-O-U-P-L-E to Energize Her

SESSION EIGHT

Chapter 11 – Dealing with the Everyday Challenge

Chapter 12 – More Strategies for Dealing with Communication Glitches

PART FIVE: The Rewarded Cycle: The Unconditional Dimension of Communication

SESSION NINE

Chapter 13 – Why the Rewarded Cycle Is for Every Marriage—Hot, Cold, or Lukewarm

SESSION TEN .

Chapter 14 – The Jesus Way of Talking—Part I: Communicating with Love and Respect

SESSION ELEVEN

Chapter 15 – The Jesus Way of Talking—Part II: To Love and Respect, Use Truthful, Uplifting, and Forgiving Words

SESSION TWELVE

Chapter 16 – The Jesus Way of Talking—Part III: To Love or Respect: Be Thankful, Scriptural—and Faithful

APPENDIX I

Suggestions for Group Leaders Using the Cracking the Communication Code Workbook in a Group Setting

APPENDIX II

Give Me Something New and Different!

BEFORE YOU BEGIN YOUR STUDY OF

Cracking the Communication Code . . .

Welcome to the Cracking the Communication Code Workbook experience! You are about to discover and apply a truth hidden in plain sight in the Bible for 2000 years! This secret can affect your marital communication in powerful ways. Today, you and your spouse can start new with the biblical truths on marital communication given in this workbook and the book it accompanies—Cracking the Communication Code. These two books serve as companions to help you crack the code to marital communication.

Based on three decades of counseling experience and scientific and biblical research, the book—Cracking the Communication Code—offers you the information and tools you will need to understand what is wrong in your communication and how to start correcting it. This workbook gives you and your mate a private place to finish a wide variety of exercises that help you apply these communication insights to your marriage.

Before you begin your study, consider these helpful hints as you attempt to change and enrich your marital communication:

Come ready to let God help you work on your marriage. As you experience Cracking the Communication Code, God intends to amaze you with His help. (Jesus calls the Holy Spirit the Helper!) As you open your heart to Him, you will discover His truth in Ephesians 5:33 guiding you to communicate in new and refreshing ways. This is no quick fix, but if you spend a reasonable amount of time and effort, and put into action the tiniest of changes, God will use this study in your life.

Study at your own pace, but keep studying. Some questions will strike you as simple—others take more thought and effort. As you interact with the concepts in Cracking the Communication Code, marital communication becomes doable. Yes, it takes work but God never intended communication to be complex between husband and wife. Though misunderstandings happen in abundance, the love and respect method prevents you from nose-diving, crashing, and burning! So, keep studying. Don’t quit when you or your spouse don’t immediately get it. See these as bumps in the road, not roadblocks. Keep studying! Also, do not try to cover every last question. Concentrate on the questions that speak to your needs as husband and wife.

Become familiar with how this workbook is constructed. It covers the Cracking the Communication Code book in twelve sessions. Some sessions cover only one chapter of the book; others cover more than one chapter. Get involved with the questions. Keep the big picture in mind as you try to apply love and respect to your communication in marriage. Note that a title heads each question to allow you to quickly identify the focus.

You can study this book solo but preferably as a couple. For greatest benefit, study with your spouse. Both of you should share your answers where appropriate. As you talk about your answers, you will gain new understanding of each other and this will improve communication. If your spouse shows disinterest in studying Cracking the Communication Code, you can gain much from working alone. As you start putting the communication principles into action, your spouse may decide to join you!

Treat each other with Love and Respect. Because some questions probe sensitive areas, tension will develop—even irritation and anger. The rule is: when dealing with sensitive issues, be sensitive to each other! If a question becomes a bit too sticky, and one of you doesn’t feel up to dealing with it, table that question for discussion later.

Handle each other with care. As you continue the study, you will soon see that a question may show the strength of one spouse and the vulnerability of the other. Where you have natural strengths and knowledge, your spouse may feel vulnerable and inadequate. Always remember that God created us male and female—not wrong, just different. If you approach each question with compassion and empathy, the weaker will not feel judged by the stronger. Consequently, the vulnerable one will feel a greater freedom to deal with the topic and get feelings on the table.

As you study, realize God is drawing you to Himself, so keep praying! Cracking the Communication Code puts you in closer touch with your spouse, but the ultimate goal is to put you in closer touch with your Lord. Every session in this workbook rests on God’s revelation to you in Ephesians 5:33. So, pray that the Lord keeps revealing His will about applying love and respect to your mouth! Without prayer, as a follower of Christ, your study will yield few returns. Pray without ceasing, and you will see God work at His pace, in His way, as He strengthens you with power through His Spirit in the inner man (Ephesians 3:16).

Remember, God’s Revelation is Final. Those of you who read the first book called Love and Respect realize the same foundational verse exists: Ephesians 5:33. Why? This is God’s last word to the church on marriage. There is no new word. If my dying dad called me to his death-bed saying, Emerson, come close to me, I need to tell you something you know these last words would linger in my heart and mind forever. The last words a person speaks hold the greatest significance. God’s last word to the church on marriage—in terms of significance—is love and respect in Ephesians 5:33. Tomorrow, do not expect a new teaching to replace Ephesians 5:33. Thus, this workbook for Cracking the Communication Code moves you deeper into the application of love and respect to the mouth. No greater truth exists for couples! Please read Appendix II for an expanded explanation of this vital truth that God’s revelation in the Bible about the mouth suffices. Sadly, too many forget, or never learn, the depth of His wisdom about communication in marriage.

If you wish to move through the study more quickly, email me. Whether as a couple or facilitator of a small group, if you wish to move through this study at a quicker pace, please email Emerson at CodeLight@loveandrespect.com and ask for the Leader’s Guide to a Quicker Study.

If you are a Leader or Facilitator, refer to Appendix I. In the back of this workbook, you will find Suggestions for Group Leaders under Appendix I.

Are you ready? Then let’s begin!

PART ONE: A BOOK WITHIN A BOOK

SESSION ONE

In preparation for this session, read the Introduction: Is Communication Really the Key to Marriage? and Part I, A Book Within a Book—Chapter One, A Short Course on Love and Respect.

INTRODUCTION: IS COMMUNICATION REALLY THE KEY TO MARRIAGE?

The Biggest Problem: Communication

1. In a survey conducted by Focus on the Family for the Love and Respect Ministries, respondents were asked, What was (and possibly still is) the biggest problem affecting your marriage? For both men and women the biggest problem by far was lack of good communication.

a. Why do you think communication problems in marriage surface as such a gigantic problem?

[Your Response Here]

b. In your opinion, what is the number one thing a couple should do to improve communication?

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