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    Bingo Brown's Guide to Romance
    Bingo Brown's Guide to Romance
    Bingo Brown's Guide to Romance
    Ebook118 pages1 hour

    Bingo Brown's Guide to Romance

    By Betsy Byars

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    About this ebook

    Bingo’s ultimate guide to finding love might need a few more chapters when his long-distance girlfriend returns home
    Bingo Brown is confident that he can write the definitive guidebook for middle-school boys trying to win over girls. With his baby brother, Jamie, in mind, he jots down notes about the lessons he’s learned: Should you worry if the girl you like grows taller than you? (No.) What do you do when hauling your family’s dirty clothes to the laundromat? (Go the back way.) But when Bingo’s girlfriend, Melissa, moves back to town and doesn’t want to talk to him, he realizes he still has some learning to do. This ebook features an illustrated biography of Betsy Byars including rare images from the author’s personal collection.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherOpen Road Media
    Release dateFeb 12, 2013
    ISBN9781453294147
    Bingo Brown's Guide to Romance
    Author

    Betsy Byars

    <p><strong>Betsy Byars</strong> is the author of many award-winning books for children, including <em>The Summer of the Swans</em>, a Newbery Medal winner. <em>The Pinballs </em>was an ALA Notable Book. She is also the author of <em>Goodbye, Chicken Little</em>; <em>The Two-Thousand-Pound Goldfish</em>; and the popular Golly Sisters trilogy.</p>

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    • 4/5
      Bingo is so funny and sweet, I just love him. I fell in love with him when we were both twelve, but now that I'm 31 and he's still twelve, it's a little creepy. Good thing he's fictional. Bingo is beginning to write a Guide to Romance so that his new brother Jamie can benefit from Bingo's experience when Jamie is old enough to "ride the roller coaster of life." Bingo knows quite a lot about romance, as he's been carrying on with Melissa for three books now, and some of the time it was even a Long Distance relationship filled with letters and expensive phone calls. Bingo is in for some unexpected surprises when Melissa shows up back in town. If you know any twelve year olds, you should give them this book.

    Book preview

    Bingo Brown's Guide to Romance - Betsy Byars

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    Bingo Brown’s Guide To Romance

    Betsy Byars

    Contents

    Bingo’s Challenge

    Through the Sliding Doors

    Melissa’s Clone

    Love Letters for Eternity

    Following Melissa

    The One-Way Disaster

    Rip Van Wentworth

    Merrily We Burp Along

    Melissa, at Last

    Bingo Brown and the Brownettes

    El Bingo, the Gringo

    The Red Badge of Spaghetti

    The Unfortunate Facts

    Bingo Brown’s Day Off

    The Brown Crisis

    Waiting for Melissa

    The Best Mixed-Sex Conversation in the History of the World

    After the Last Cartoon

    A Biography of Betsy Byars

    Bingo’s Challenge

    BINGO BROWN HAD TOLD his mom that he was bored and needed new challenges, and he was now on his way to the laundromat to wash the family’s clothes.

    All his protests had been in vain.

    By new challenges, I didn’t mean wash clothes, Mom, he had said, at first trying to be patient. His father had warned him, correctly, that women with new babies were sometimes easily irritated.

    Well, you’ve never washed clothes before, have you?

    No.

    Then it will be a new challenge.

    Mom, the laundromat is right next door to Columbo’s, and my friends hang out there, eating pizza and playing video games and—

    Wash the baby’s things separately and divide the rest of the clothes into piles, bright colors in one, whites and pastels in another.

    Why don’t we just wait until the washer is fixed? Bingo went on with reason and good humor. I could run to K Mart and get us some underwear and Jamie some disposable diapers and—

    If I had wanted you to run to K Mart and get underwear, I would have asked you to go to K Mart and get underwear.

    Her nostrils flared, which was not a good sign. I’m working tomorrow and I can’t leave the babysitter with all these dirty clothes. Look, if you don’t want to go to the laundromat, just say, ‘I don’t want to go to the laundromat.’

    Thanks. With a shrug of regret, he repeated, I don’t want to go to the laundromat.

    Fine! Great! Her nostrils were so flared now that Bingo thought he caught sight of her brain. Then go to your room for the rest of your life.

    Faced with those two choices, Bingo manfully picked up the basket of dirty clothes.

    Now he was on his bicycle, pedaling to the King Koin Laundromat. He had a bushel basket of dirty clothes strapped on the back of the bicycle, and he had to take the long way to the laundromat so none of his friends would see his unfortunate burden.

    To pass the time, he began working on his Guide to Romance, A Record of the Personal Ups and Downs of Bingo Brown. Dedicated to My Brother, Jamie, as a Guide and Comfort to Him When He Finds Himself, as He Surely Will, upon the Roller Coaster of Life.

    Bingo was now working on the section that contained romantic problems with their solutions. Bingo was determined not to spare himself, even though many of the problems were extremely personal.

    Problem #1. The Xeroxed Love Letter.

    Suppose that you have written a love letter and suppose that this love letter turns out to be the best love letter in the history of the world and suppose you want to save this letter for future generations and with this in mind, you make a Xerox of the letter and in your haste to mail the letter, you mail the Xerox of the letter. Will this take away from the warmth of the words?

    Bingo’s Answer: Yes, for I myself have been waiting for three long months for an answer to just such a Xeroxed letter.

    Bingo broke off his thoughts and cut swiftly around the back of Winn Dixie, past the dumpsters, and behind Rexall Drugs, and peered around the corner of Columbo’s Pizza. Seeing no one he knew, he pedaled quickly to the King Koin. He rode through the open doors and came to a screeching halt at the first available washing machine.

    He could not be bothered with patiently separating the clothes. If any of his friends were on their way to Columbo’s to spend a pleasant hour with the video games, just as he would like to do, and saw him with little prissy piles of clothes—pink over here, blue over here, pink with blue flowers over here … The thought caused Bingo to shudder.

    There were too many clothes for one washer, so Bingo crammed what he could in one washer, crammed the rest in the next washer. Still too many, so he put the remaining diapers into a third washer and slammed down the lids. His heart was pounding.

    He made quick work of the change machine and soon the machines were rumbling happily. Bingo went outside for some badly needed fresh air.

    While he was standing there, fanning himself with a box of Rinso, he found himself thinking about life—about how in the old days when a boy asked his mom for a new challenge, she sent him to the Crusades or out West to look for gold or on a whaling ship bound for northern climes or—

    Hey, Worm Brain. A voice broke harshly into his thoughts.

    Bingo saw with displeasure that Billy Wentworth was standing in front of him. He sighed. What do you want, Wentworth?

    Wentworth was chewing gum and he paused to blow a small purple bubble about the size of a Ping-Pong ball. That done, he said, I just saw that girl.

    What girl?

    The girl that used to be in our room. The one you used to like.

    Bingo’s heart began to thud against the Rinso box, which he had wrapped in both arms. Actually there had been many girls in Bingo’s life—the future President of the United States, the would-be orchestra conductor, Cici, Boots—but his only true love had been Dr. Jekyll

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