Date Me, Date My Dog
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Summary

Millions of single, dog-loving women are dog paddling in the dating pool "with dog." And although the plethora of online, pet-lover dating sites may arguably make the business of finding Mr. Right for you and your pack easier, it can still be overwhelming.

Date Me, Date My Dog: Finding Mr. Right for You and Your Pack is a LOL single woman's guide to dating that not only empowers you to hold out for a guy who loves you for the dog-loving woman you are, but also suggests ways to use your dog's sensibilities to find Mr. Right for you and your canine kid.

Are you stuck in the endless loop of hooking up with bad boys your Chihuahua "Charo" wouldn't even look twice at? Or have you lost many a man to dogus-interruptus (otherwise known as canine voyeurism)? Whatever your issues may be, Date Me, Date My Dog barks up all the major problem areas single women with dogs face when trying to find Mr. Right.

Date Me, Date My Dog will teach you the best places to "meet your match" and what to do once you've fetched him. It will also help you learn how to (among many others):

1. Communicate in English rather than "dog speak."
2. Know when it's appropriate to let the crazy dog lady loose.
3. Decipher the language men use in personal ads.
4. Use astrology to glimpse the future relationship between your two BFFs.
5. Prevent dogus-interruptus!

Equipped with a canine contract and dating capability test, Date Me, Date My Dog: Finding Mr. Right for You and Your Pack will help you successfully navigate the dog-eat-dog world of dating with humor and compassion…and more than a little help from your faithful, furry, forever friend.

This title is published by Reputation Books and is distributed worldwide by Untreed Reads.
Published: Untreed Reads on
ISBN: 9781611879674
List price: $3.95
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Date Me, Date My Dog - Leigh Anne Jasheway

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Finding the Right Man for You and Your Dog

He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.

—Anonymous

You haven’t gotten this far in life without understanding that there are wrong ways to go about finding guys to date. You’ve given up cyber stalking [fill in the name of your favorite male celebrity here] and know better than to camp out on the front lawn of a frat house wearing a nametag that reads, I’m available. Right?

When it comes to dating for two (or however many canine children you have at home), you have to be even more discriminating. This section of Date Me, Date My Dog will help you narrow your search so you don’t have to check every bush and fire hydrant in order to end up with the pick of the litter—a guy who will be fun for both you and Snickerdoodle to have in your lives.

Be the Girl Your Dog Thinks You Are and Needs You to Be

Dating is really a wild and crazy chemistry experiment. When you’re attracted to someone your body produces high levels of dopamine, a chemical that produces feelings of euphoria, energy, and sleeplessness and makes it hard to focus on anything but the person in question—even if you haven’t met the guy in question but have only spotted him from across a room. Imagine eating chocolate while petting puppies and shopping and you have an idea of the power of dopamine.

Unfortunately, while this chemical concoction can be pleasurable, it is also addictive and tends to short-circuit rational decision-making (it should be spelled dope-amine). The younger you are, the more dopamine you produce when attracted to someone and the chances of making bad decisions for both you and your dog are high. Norepinephrine, which causes your heart to race, and testosterone, which increases sexual desire, also start shooting off like fireworks when we feel a chemical attraction to someone.

If you start digging for dates without a plan, you could easily go from being a responsible, dog-loving woman to a doped-up woman who actually forgets about her pooch’s existence for hours, if not days at a time. The real walk of shame is coming home to your dog when you know you’ve ignored her for too long.

Research in the past few decades has shown that dogs experience stress just like people do and if you suddenly disappear or start ignoring Doogie, he will go through the same types of physical and emotional trauma that you would under similar circumstances—stomach problems, insomnia, panic, fear of abandonment, desire to shred your new duvet cover into tiny pieces of slobbery confetti… If you exhibit bad girl behavior, it will not only stress your dog out (perhaps permanently), in a few months after the chemicals have worn off, you’ll feel horrible about what you’ve done.

Before you start experimenting with human chemistry, it’s a good idea to make a series of promises to your four-footed companion. I’ve started a list here, but you should add any other rules you think will help you in your own dating life. Once your list is complete, read it out loud to your dog to affirm that you will not get so caught up with a new guy that you temporarily forget who you really are and how important your pooch is to you. Then sign the list at the bottom and get your dog to do the same. If you want, make a copy and put it on your refrigerator and carry a copy of it in your purse. Make it into a cell phone app if it helps.

I promise you, my four-footed child, that:

1.   I will tell every guy I go out with about you on the first date.

2.   I will listen to what you have to say about any humans I decide to date.

3.   I will not go out with anyone who says he doesn’t like dogs or treats dogs badly.

4.   I will not go right from work to a date without first coming home to feed you, let you out to pee and reassure you that I love you.

5.   I will not scold you if I violate #4 and I come home to find that you have peed on my favorite rug or chewed the heel off my favorite pair of shoes.

6.   I will not stay out overnight without making sure that someone you know comes over to give you food and love. I will apologize later in writing, using those liver snaps you love.

7.   I will invite you along on at least every third date. If this is a problem for any man, he is not the right breed for either of us.

8.   If my relationship with a human becomes serious and sleep-overs at his place become regular, you will be invited to go along with me.

9.   [fill in your own promise here]

10. [fill in your own promise here too]

My signature and date

______________________

Your paw print

______________________

Abiding by these promises will remind you that you are not just a woman with a dog, but a woman with a family. As you start dating, you should avoid situations where you have to make choices between your needs and your dog’s—in the long run, you’ll only be truly happy when you’re both happy.

What Your Dog Thinks When You Put On Make-Up

1. Oh great! I guess we’re not going to the park like she promised.

2. I’ve told her a hundred times that blue eye shadow makes her look cheap.

3. There had better be a new stuffed squeaky toy in this for me.

4. That lipstick makes her lips taste funny.

5. Again? Really? Well, don’t come crawling back to me and expect me to wag my tail and smother you with you kisses. Oh, who am