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PART I
USING THE MONTESSORI METHOD TO TEACH GRACE AND COURTESY
WHY USE THE MONTESSORI METHOD?
The Montessori method of education includes the teaching of grace and courtesy as an important part of a child’s education and as an important part of meeting a child’s inner needs. The Montessori method provides a framework that can effectively be used with one child or a group of children.
For Parents
If you are a parent, you are your child’s first teacher and will always be your child’s most important teacher. Although social interaction in a school situation is different from that at home, you play an essential part in preparing your child for his or her social life outside the home. Even if your child attends a Montessori school and is given lessons on grace and courtesy there, you’re still the primary influence in teaching your child manners. If your child isn’t taught grace and courtesy outside the home, your job as teacher of social graces is even more important. While your role as a model of proper etiquette is vital in teaching your child social graces, using the methods in Part I should enhance and clarify what you’re teaching through your example.
For Teachers
If you are a teacher, you have the opportunity to help children acquire skills in grace and courtesy their parents may not have the time or knowledge to teach themselves. Even if you think of yourself as a childcare worker rather than teacher, you are always a teacher by example. In an ideal scenario, you will just reinforce what is already taught and encouraged at home. Ideal scenario or not, knowledge of an effective way to teach social graces should not only help the child, but should make your classroom or group situation calmer and kinder.
CHAPTER 1
THE PRESCHOOL CHILD
Montessori’s Ideas
Like the entire Montessori method of education, Maria Montessori’s ideas on the teaching of grace and courtesy arose from her direct observations of children. One day, she had decided to give the children at the first Children’s House in the San Lorenzo Quarter of Rome, Italy, a lesson on nose blowing. To her surprise, the children enthusiastically applauded the lesson. Dr. Montessori realized a young child has a deep sense of personal dignity. That sense of dignity is often crushed when the child is reprimanded for something like not using a handkerchief properly—especially when the child has never been shown the proper way to blow his or her nose.
The child’s sense of dignity is protected and enhanced through the exercises of grace and courtesy. When the child knows the proper rules of etiquette for a situation, he or she is able to act with self-confidence and to receive approval for his or her behavior.
The preschool years from 2½ to 6 are the perfect time to emphasize the teaching of grace and courtesy. During those years, the child has a special receptivity to the learning of manners. The child also has a receptivity to the refinement of movement during the preschool years. The receptivity to improving both manners and movement enables the preschool child to benefit from and enjoy learning social graces much more than he or she would at a later age.
Methods for Parents and Teachers
From the Montessori method of education, there are a number of techniques that you as a parent or teacher can use in teaching children social graces. Probably the most important technique to remember is that of demonstrating the desired activity to the child. Don’t assume that a child knows how to greet someone, how to answer a phone, or even how to flush a toilet after using it if he or she has never been shown the proper procedure.
In Montessori education, the logical analysis of movement
is stressed as a guideline to follow in giving demonstrations. That is, care should be taken to think through the procedure you’ll be demonstrating so you will isolate each step of the procedure.
For example, in demonstrating nose blowing to a child or a group of children, you might say something like the following:
"I’d like to show you how to blow your nose.
First, I need to get a tissue.
I fold the tissue in half.
See how I hold the tissue to my nose.
I blow my nose gently.
Now I need to throw the tissue in the wastebasket.
Would you like to try blowing your nose now?"
Many demonstrations can be given with no words or almost no words of explanation.
To show a child or group how to open and close a door (with hinges on the inside) quietly, you could simply say, Let’s see if I can open and close this door without making a sound except for the click of the door latch.
Then isolate each step:
Without saying anything, approach the door, stopping a step or two short of it.
Then extend your arm.
Grasp the doorknob.
Slowly turn the knob to the right.
With the knob still turned to the right, pull the door slightly toward yourself.
Let the knob go back.
Pull the door out farther.
Let go of the knob.
Begin to close the door by putting your hand on the knob.
Then push the door away from yourself until it’s almost closed.
Turn the knob slowly to the left.
Push the door closed slowly and quietly until it rests firmly against the door frame.
Let go of the knob so you hear the latch click.
When you’re finished, you could say, Let’s see how quietly you can open and close the door.
This could be done with one child or with each child in a group having a turn opening and closing the door.
If a child opens and closes the door very quietly, you could say something like, That was so quiet! I only heard the sound of the latch clicking!
The preschool child is fascinated with the task of perfecting movement and will find your words focusing on the precise actions more rewarding than if you simply say, Very good.
Role playing is another useful technique in teaching grace and courtesy.
To teach a child the etiquette procedure for greeting an adult, you might pretend that you are the neighbor, Mrs. Elliot, when the child answers the door to greet you.
In some instances of role playing, an older child who knows the proper procedure can help you demonstrate the procedure before having a younger child play the child’s role.
Discussions are also effective in a number of instances—particularly as review lessons. For example, you could ask, What should I say if I accidentally bump into someone?
You can often make a discussion more interesting to the preschool child by adding a silly twist to it.
While the above methods are direct means for teaching social graces, you can also further the teaching of grace and courtesy by giving a child many opportunities to practice other forms of practical-life activities (also called activities of daily living).
The goal of all practical-life activities is the attainment of order, concentration, coordination, and independence.
Because practical-life activities in general help the child achieve grace of movement and inner discipline, they will also help the child achieve the grace and discipline needed to master social graces.
Practical-life activities can easily be prepared for a home or group situation.
You could provide activities for control of movement. Pouring beans, rice, or water from one container to another, carrying objects on a tray, and walking on a line taped to the floor are some of the activities that will help a child develop control of movement.
A child can work on care of self through activities such as polishing shoes,
