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One Damn Thing After Another builds on the themes of word contagion and weaponized memes that the author explored in his previous book, 2009’s How America Died. Many of the characters in these stories have likewise been sickened by language: they exchange psychotic emails, adopt covert online personas, write fictitious book reviews and preach the authoritarian philosophies of Ayn Rand, oblivious to the harm they might be doing to themselves or others.
A scholar and a dropout clash in “The Condition.” Fact and fiction blur in “Drunken Fantasies, Vol. 1” as the author takes readers on a painfully funny tour through the insanity of his own booze-fueled grandiosity. For those who remain undeterred by these warnings, the author has also included a supplement that shows readers “How To Be An Underground Lit Legend” by employing many of the same tactics.
One Damn Thing After Another
© 2010 by Tim Hall
http://www.TimHallBooks.com
Published by Outsider Writers Press
http://www.OutsiderWriters.org
The author would like to thank the editors of the following publications where some of these stories first appeared: Further Notes On The Impossibility of Everything
in This Zine Will Change Your Life; Michael Estrada, World’s Greatest Internet Author
in Chicago Reader; How To Be An Underground Lit Legend
in 1000th Monkey; San Diego Sutra
at Act-i-vate.com; Drunken Fantasies, Vol. 1
in BIGnews; Beta Version
in The New York Hangover. Atlas Hugged
and The Condition
are previously unpublished.
The author would also like to thank the following individuals for their kind support and encouragement: Pat King and Caleb Ross at Outsider Writers; Ken Wohlrob, Brian Cogan, and Mike Faloon; Mark Cashion; my amazing fellow writers in the Chicago literary scene: Ben Tanzer, Jason Behrends, Amy Guth, Mary Hamilton, Linsday Hunter, Jil Summers, Jonathan Messinger and Zach Dodson; Dean Haspiel and the crew at Act-i-vate.com; Scott MacClanahan; Chris Pearson, Jen Ferguson, David DeRosa and Jennifer Hayden; the two loves of my life, Mary and George; my teachers and advisors at DePaul University, especially John Kimsey and Carol Hease.
Cove Image: Chris Pearson, Paper Gorilla (2009) - http://www.chrispearsonorigami.com
Produced in the United States of America
by Main Street Rag Publishing Company
http://www.MainStreetRag.com
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Further Notes on the Impossibility of Everything
Michael Estrada, World’s Greatest Internet Author
Drunken Fantasies, Vol. 1
Atlas Hugged
The Condition
San Diego Sutra
BETA VERSION
How To Be An Underground Lit Legend
Further Notes on the Impossibility of Everything
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He stood at the window, appreciating the gray.
Maybe he should have taken Jamie home after all. It was hard to know the right thing to do. She’d had a few drinks at the office party and was hanging on his arm, saying, I love you, I love you, I love you. Bigger tragedies had started better.
If it’s too late for me to be pure, he had thought at the time, maybe there’s still a chance I can be noble. He got in a cab and left. Now she was dating a guy in the IT department.
He went to the computer and logged on. There were several emails waiting for him. The first was from Jonah.
You said the book would be published in mid-October and it is now November. YOU LIED. You promised we would tour the country by car to promote the book. YOU LIED. Instead of working on my book until it was done like you were supposed to you went on vacation for a week. YOU LIED.
He wrote back: Jonah, there’s some kind of misunderstanding. I went on vacation after the book was finished. The book was delayed at the printer, it should be here any day. I never promised that we would tour the country, I said that it was something I would like to do if possible. And why can’t I take a vacation if I want?
The next email was from his mother: I haven’t gotten a check from you yet this month. Oh well, I guess you’re not sending one after all. I’ll find some way of getting by. Maybe I can borrow money from Marylou or Geoffrey again. Thanks anyway.
Mom, he typed, I sent the check on the 1st of the month. It is now only the 3rd. Please give it another day or so.
Jonah had written back: YOU HAVE REALLY PISSED ME OFF NOW! SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND! IF YOU DON’T SEND ME SOME BOOKS IMMEDIATELY I WILL KILL YOU!
He replied: Jonah, you’re crazy. Stop it. Don’t threaten me again or I’m reporting you to the police.
He wrote to the printer: Please cancel my order. You were supposed to have the book for me two months
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