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Hodgepodge
Ratings:
170 pages2 hours
Summary
A mixed theme anthology with five short stories and two novella-sized stories. Characters range from regular humans to synthetic cyborgs. Settings range from fantasy to crime fiction. There's something for everyone in this multi-themed anthology called Hodgepodged because of its mixed nature.
WARNING: Does contain swearing.
Publisher: Dairenna VonRavenstoneReleased: Dec 31, 2011ISBN: 9781465979681Format: book
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Hodgepodge - Dairenna VonRavenstone
stories.
Ode to the Code
Inspiration: Thank you to Aaron ‘Snow Ball’ Porter. Without him, the story would not exist, nor would its characters. This came about because of a conversation we were having over FaceBook chat about computers. We somehow got onto the topic of coding. This came from the idea of: What if programming code could talk?
A yawn, a stretch quickly followed by a few scratches here and there. Wobbly steps towards a small dimly lit kitchenette, movement follows and soon aromatic coffee fills the small one bedroom apartment. Another yawn followed by a few more scratches. Outside the sun is glaring and bright, but that light is blocked by a navy blue curtain.
Empty beer bottles fill a small table and the young man decides to clear them away as he waits for his elixir. He almost trips over an empty pizza box but catches himself on a messy counter. A curse followed by a few grumbles about the vague reminisces of last night’s party. He notices the time and frowns. His project is due in two days.
The coffee machine makes a few loud noises and the young man smiles, turns and fills a cup with pure black Irish coffee. He steps out of the kitchen and into a messy common room. He frowns at the mess then shrugs; the project has to be finished first. It would probably take a full 48 hours but once it was done, he would get paid a good mint and could party. Cleaning could wait.
At the far end of the room sitting on an immaculately clean desk was an open black laptop with an 18 inch LCD screen that was flashing between pictures of friends and family. Modified beyond the specifics in the box with a backlit keyboard and a sound system that put stereos to shame, the laptop hummed softly in the room. The young man pulled out the desk chair, woke the laptop up and opened his project.
Oi, Oi, the bloke’s back!
Well I’ll be damned, thought he forgot about us for a while there,
That was a helluva party last night though,
Surprised he’s up before 4PM,
Dang dawg, surprised we ain’t got stuff spilled on us,
Don’t talk like a rapper; you’re not a semi-colon,
Hey, don’t diss the semi,
Woah, Woah! Back it the HELL up! The Hell is this idiot typing that there for? That comma will SCREW us up for sure!
Unfortunately for the young man (or fortunately depending on one’s opinion) he could not hear these voices. They came solely from the pages of text in the processing program of the project he was working on. What was the project? A virus block for a new and deadly computer virus.
Oh I can’t BELIEVE he just wrote that!
exclaimed the hash sign in a high pitched squeal of shock.
Bloke must still be drunk! Putting a comma there, what the bloody Hell is he thinking?
piped up the void type with a slight accent.
Oh my freaking God, WE’LL CRASH!
moaned the char type with a sob.
Ah don’t be a drama queen, he’ll see it,
snapped the do while loop.
What if he doesn’t? Then what? HUH? OH GOD THE HUMANITY!
the char type screamed then broke into sobs.
The code closest to char type grumbled and wished it could shuffle away. Shuffling away would break them further though and they did not want to take the chance of a painful crash. As char type sobbed LOUDLY as do while sighed. If it had eyes, it would have rolled them.
Are you bloody kidding me? It’s not like we’re invincible. Grow a set, won’t you?
do while grumbled.
Oh leave him alone,
muttered the int type with a sigh.
Why should I? Char needs to grow a pair,
do while rebutted.
I can barely parse, how can I grow a pair?
char type wailed.
Pathetically hidden snickers came up from include, hash sign, exclamation mark, for loop and var type. Do while would have stared at char type (if he had eyes) then laughed outright. Char continued to wail, completely ignorant to the laughter of the other.
Oh bloody Hell, he’s forgotten the space between the semi-colon and the end brace,
void type muttered as it chose to completely ignore the others and focus on the destruction of their world.
Are you fucking kidding me? How do you forget a SPACE?
do while roared.
Aren’t you a ray of bloody sunshine this afternoon?
void type remarked.
Do while’s in rage mode, God save us all,
file type said with a chuckle.
Hey, shut it. Char’s annoying the heck out of me,
do while yelped by way of an excuse.
Char is always complaining, it shouldn’t make a bloody difference,
void type mentioned smartly.
YO! YO! DUDES WHAT IS UP?
the mistake comma exclaimed in a Jamaican accent.
The Hell?
int type asked.
Oh my God, IT SPEAKS!
hash exclaimed.
Nice one, Mr. Fucking Obvious,
do while mumbled.
GO AWAY! We’ll crash because of you!
char type wailed like a tantrum child.
Well, that and the space,
void type decided to mention.
Aw, don’t be like that my bros. I’m just here for some fun,
the comma said in a relaxed tone.
Get. The. Fuck. OUT.
Do while growled.
Aw, bro, don’t go whack,
the comma chuckled.
Do while is the definition of whack,
void type muttered to itself watching as an ending brace was missed.
Oi! I am NOT whack! This wanna be semi-colon is whack!
do while shouted.
Hey, can we concentrate on not blowing up? I think he’s about to test us,
include interjected.
Oh GOD! Someone hold me!
Char screamed, still sobbing.
Fucking child,
Do while muttered.
I gotcha,
exclamation mark said.
Fasten your seat belts, we’re starting up,
void type warned.
Oh, we’re...okay...okay...hey I was passed. Whew,
hash sign chortled.
OH GOD I’M CRASHING! IT BURNS!
for loop screamed in pain.
FOR LOOP! NOOOOOOO!
char wailed.
Silence for a moment. Then for loop burst out laughing. Char would have stared at for loop in shock, but the piece of code lacked eyes. Instead, it could only start screaming out its indignation.
You fucking idiot,
do while muttered.
Blokes, shut up. Program is hitting the comma. I repeat, we’re hitting the comma,
void type injected.
For a moment, nothing happened. Then the crash came. For loop really did scream in pain as he was forced to execute infinitely. Do while would have run away but he was next and merely yelled out a string of curse words that should never be uttered or repeated. Char type wailed and promptly fainted. Hash and exclamation mark went with a single curse. Include closed his digital eyes and wished he had a head to bang off a wall. Var type melted. Braces flopped and fell. Void watched with a sigh and finally resigned himself to the crash.
On the outside, the young man watched his program fail with wide eyes and a slack jaw. He tried to stop it, but the code was rejected. Finally, he resigned himself to a force close. Too many loops were executing infinitely, and too much was going on at once. Finally, he rebooted the computer.
Fucking hell,
he muttered and reopened the program.
Oh if I had a head, it would be splitting,
for loop muttered.
Well, that went swimmingly,
void type mumbled.
At least that reggae comma is gone now,
include said.
It hurts. Oh why does it hurt so much?
char type whined.
Shut the fuck up, you weren’t set to infinite loop,
do while chided.
Oh drop it,
exclamation mark sighed.
Yeah, really. I mean come on, he’s just a char,
hash sign said with a growl.
Fuck me,
do while shouted.
I would rather not,
void type piped up.
Snickers came up from the group again, this time a few braces and semi-colons joined in. Do while muttered to himself and was finally quiet. Char sniffed then coughed a few times. Void type watched as the code appeared, this time with fewer mistakes.
Ah, he’s going to test again,
include warned.
He stopped. Bloke is checking, good bloke,
Void type mumbled.
The code watched as the new sections were corrected. The test came again and they ran smoothly as a unit. The young man smiled, and continued to write in more code. Another Char came into the picture and started talking. Do while screamed at it to be quiet and the original char wailed.
Oh come on, bad enough we have one, why the hell do we need TWO?
do while groaned.
I don’t want to be called char green!
the original char type (now known as char green) howled.
So, like I love it here! Everything so long and big and there’s so many people! I don’t think there have ever been so many people at once in other programs I was in! I can’t believe it!
the new char (char red) rambled.
Kill me. Just kill me.
Do while raved.
Oh be quiet, we can’t prevent it,
int type said while trying to block out char red.
He’s adding another do while loop. God help us all,
void type chimed in.
The new do while loop was formed as the original watched in awe. For loop stared at his new partner and coughed a few times. Void type sighed and watched as the ending bracket was added and the new do while loop came into existence.
Why the fucking Hell are there two damned char types? And why the Hell does there need to be two fucking do while loops? Did the damned idiot get dropped on his head as a shit-dispenser?
the new do while raged in a strong English accent.
Oh good God damn,
hash mumbled and wished it could back away.
I KNOW! I think he’s over doing it,
the original do while loop tried.
Oh don’t start with me you wanna be clone. I’m the boss here, you’re not even worthy of error checking,
the second do while loop cut in.
Silence until var type coughed. Include tried to whistle nonchalantly but it came out as nervous. Char green wept some more as char red laughed in excitement. Void type would have blinked if he could but lacking eyes could only mutter to himself.
What did you just say? I was thought of first, you were added as an afterthought,
the original do while loop said.
Afterthought? Hey, fuckface, I’m the error checker. You’re just around for shits and giggles,
the second do while retorted.
Fuckface? I’m not a fuckface! You’re the fuckface! And I’m sure as Hell not around for shits and giggles!
the original rebutted.
Says you, I’m the...what the Hell?
the second do while loop refuted as his ending brace was deleted.
The ending brace was soon followed by the semi-colon then the rest of the code in the while section of himself as his entire form was slowly deleted bit by bit. The second do while began cursing, putting the first do while crash curses to shame. The original do while would have written down some of the foul language but he lacked a body and therefore lacked the means of writing things down.
The code from the second do while loop was added to the original and soon the original evolved into a super do while loop. Well, not really. It just became more complex code wise but ended up saving a lot of time during code execution. Void type watched in interest as do while was added to. Soon the cursor moved and modified void type to compensate for some functions in do while.
Void type is linked with do while. Never thought I’d see the day,
exclamation mark exclaimed.
What the bloody Hell was that?
void type groused.
"I feel...special. Wait, not special...NICER. Why do I feel NICER?" do while declared aghast.
Because our personalities are merging since we’re linked, dumbass,
void type announced.
Silence for a moment. Then char green began yowling again. Char red coughed a few times then continued on her tirade on the intricate details of code cleaning. Much of what she was debriefing the others on they all ready knew, but she was a rare female code snippet and they listened in rapt attention.
I don’t know if I can stand this merging. I mean, I hate you,
do while grumbled.
The feeling is mutual, but we have to deal with it bloke,
void type responded automatically as he watched with a keen digital eye as more code was added.
I feel lonely,
char green suddenly interjected.
Shut up,
void type and do while said in unison.
Oh God,
int type chuckled.
Don’t copy me,
void type and do while said to each other at the same time.
That’s just WRONG,
hash sign whispered to for loop.
For loop would have nodded had he had a head to nod with but resigned himself to making a sound of agreement. Char red was shocked into silence as void type and do while growled at each other in perfect harmony then started ranting and raving, again, in perfect harmony.
I’m not an idiot, you’re the idiot!
void type and do while shouted.
Stop copying me you bloody copy cat!
void type and do while roared.
Should we stop them?
include questioned in a worried tone.
I wouldn’t know how,
for loop admitted.
It’s morbidly entertaining,
exclamation mark said with admiration.
Morbidly entertaining?
char green asked.
"Yeah, like you know when you want to look away from something
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