Jokes Redneck Jokes
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Jokes,Funny Jokes,Hilarious Jokes,Comedy Jokes,Best Jokes,Jokes Book,Redneck Jokes

Best Hilarious Redneck Jokes book.

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ISBN: 9781476370057
List price: $0.99
Availability for Jokes Redneck Jokes: 581 Funny Redneck Jokes
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581 Funny Redneck Jokes

Published by Sham at Smashwords

Copyright 2012

What do you call 32 hicks in a room?A full set ....

What do you call 32 hicks in a room?A full set of teeth.

*****

How can we tell that the toothbrush was invente ....

How can we tell that the toothbrush was invented in Arkansas?Had it been invented elsewhere, it would have been called a "teethbrush.

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How can you determine that a death certificate ....

How can you determine that a death certificate was filled by a

redneck doctor?

He signs his name under cause of death!

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You know you're a redneck if you introduce a fr ....

You know you're a redneck if you introduce a friend to your wife and sister

and he only has to shake one hand.

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You're a redneck if .... After removing the emp ....

You're a redneck if .... After removing the empty beer cans from your car, you

find that it gets fifteen more miles to the gallon.

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If your car garage is bigger than your house th ....

If your car garage is bigger than your house then you have to be a redneck

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WhatÂ's the last thing a redneck says before he ....

WhatÂ's the last thing a redneck says before he dies?

Hey guys watch this.

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You're a redneck if.... Your child's first word ....

You're a redneck if.... Your child's first words are "Attention K-Mart

shoppers!".

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You're a redneck if.... You can belch and say y ....

You're a redneck if.... You can belch and say your name at the same time.

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You're a redneck if .... You ever had to turn y ....

You're a redneck if .... You ever had to turn your pickup truck around because

of bridge clearance restrictions.

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You're a redneck if.... Exxon and Conoco have o ....

You're a redneck if.... Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your

hair.

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What do you get when you have 32 Arkansasians i ....

What do you get when you have 32 Arkansasians in the same room?

A full set of teeth.

*****

You're a redneck if.... You wake up with both a ....

You're a redneck if.... You wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.

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Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job--primer r ....

Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job--primer red and primer gray.The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.Your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire...on her house

*****

--Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, ....

--Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and

the deer is in sight.

--When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always

has the right of way.

--Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.

--When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask

her to bring back beer.

--Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.

--Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit in.

--Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

*****

You might be a redneck if you drive really fast ....

You might be a redneck if you drive really fast backwards and slam on brakes just to clean out the back of your pickup truck.

*****

You go to a stock car race and don't need a pro ....

You go to a stock car race and don't need a program.

*****

It's the way you say it...A University of Georg ....

It's the way you say it...A University of Georgia student was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, Where does you go to school?The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, but did answer his question.Yale, she replied. The Georgia student took a big, deep breath and shouted, WHERE DOES YOU GO TO SCHOOL?

*****

You've been married three times and still have ....

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.Jack Daniels makes your list of Most Admired People.

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if your tree stand for deer hunting is the fron ....

if your tree stand for deer hunting is the front half of a pickup on stilts.

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You might be a redneck if you have more than on ....

You might be a redneck if you have more than one living relative named after a

southern civil war general.

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You know you are a redneck when you go to a fam ....

You know you are a redneck when you go to a family reunion just to meet girls

you know you are a redneck when you only go to the laudry mat just to watch T.V

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Your favorite cologne smells like exhaust.The f ....

Your favorite cologne smells like exhaust.The fire department leaves after discovering that the fire that destroyed y.You think its okay to have your 6 year old babysit your 5, 4, and 3 year o.

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You're a redneck if .... Your truck stalled on ....

You're a redneck if .... Your truck stalled on the expressway. And you never

went back for it.

*****

A modern woman is was stranded in the middle of ....

A modern woman is was stranded in the middle of nowhere at

night. She climbs out of her car and runs in the rain to a

nearby farmhouse. The farmer greets her at the door and tells

her that she can sleep in the barn. "But I warn you missy, you

better not mess around with those two sons of mine!"

The woman heeds his words and goes to the barn. After a bit of

tossing and turning, she decides to have some fun. So she sneaks

out to the house and brings the boys back to the barn. And

before things get too busy, she pulls out a pair of condoms and

tells the guys to put them on.

Why do we need these things? So that I don't get pregnant!

The night proves to be a lot of fun and in the morning the woman

leaves and goes back home.

A month goes by and Bob and Erl are sitting on the porch of the

farmhouse. Erl turns to Bob and says. "You remember that nice

lady that stopped by here a while back? Yeah?! Well, I don't

care if she gets pregnant, I'm taking this thing off. I really

need to pee!"

*****

How can you tell if a redneck is married? There ....

How can you tell if a redneck is married?

There is tobacco stains on both sides of the

pick-up truck.

*****

Directions to your house include "turn off the ....

Directions to your house include turn off the paved roadÂ.

*****

You're a redneck if.... You're moved to tears e ....

You're a redneck if.... You're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton

singing I Will Always Love You.

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You might be a redneck if...Your `huntin dawg' ....

You might be a redneck if...Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in. You have a Hefty bag for a convertible top. Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds. You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.You have the taxidermist's number on speed-dial. You own more cowboy boots than sneakers. You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars. You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car. There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.

*****

You're a redneck if.... You have refused to wat ....

You're a redneck if....

You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey and the Bandit was

snubbed for best picture.

*****

You know you're a redneck when you lit a match ....

You know you're a redneck when you lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.

*****

You know yer a redneck when you take a load to ....

You know yer a redneck when you take a load to the dump and bring

back more than you took.

*****

if you think NSYNC is where your dirty dishes a ....

if you think NSYNC is where your dirty dishes are you might be a redneck

*****

You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl. ....

You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

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Your junior-senior prom had a day-care center. ....

Your junior-senior prom had a day-care center.

*****

Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart s ....

Your baby's first words are Attention K-Mart shoppers.The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.Your primary source of income is