My Journey with Carli

My Journey with Carli

Curtis Walker

Published by Curtis Walker at Smashwords

Copyright 2012 Curtis Walker

Smashwords Edition

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Table of Contents

Introduction

A Bit of Bad News

Breaking the Ice

The Last Move

Acceptance

Batter Up

Return to Gimli

Strike Two

Bigfoot

One Year and Still Kicking

Terry Fox Run

Thanksgiving

Hanging In

Downturn

The Séance

Daily Vigils

One on One

Help Arrives

God’s Rest, Carli’s Rest

Moving Out

The Funeral

The Aftermath

What If?

Photos

About the Author

Notes and Credits

Introduction

In April 2007, I met Carli Ward, a 25-year-old woman who had recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer. It would begin a life-changing experience for me as I saw her valiant struggle first-hand over the course of the next eight months.

I visited her more than 60 times and kept detailed notes on each visit, forming the basis of what would become this book. I also relied on conversations with my mother, Gladys Walker, Carli’s mother, Denise, our mutual friend Hartmut Sager, and notes from Carli’s cousin, Gisèle Dagenais.

Following her death, this was a project I knew I had to complete, but I struggled with it for years. To this day, it remains a deeply emotional subject and very difficult to write about.

I finally found the proper form and style that I wanted this book to take and completely reworked the manuscript that I had completed a year after Carli’s death.

It is my hope that this work will stand as a tribute to a brave young woman who remains with me in spirit to this day.

I would also like to thank Sarah Gassen for her meticulous editorial assistance in her review of the manuscript.

Curtis Walker

May, 2012

A Bit of Bad News

Map of Canada⁸

It was an otherwise ordinary evening in early September 2006 at my home in Winnipeg, Manitoba, near the geographic center of North America, when my phone rang. From the caller ID display, I saw that it was my close friend, Hartmut Sager, who was calling.

Hartmut and I first met in early 1989 when I started a job where he had been working for the past few years. Over the course of the next few months, we began a friendship that would last nearly two decades. Though I was not an easy person to befriend at the time, we discovered that we shared many interests and both of us had a keen sense of humor. He was a little quirky, but so was I.

On a professional level, I was just starting out in a career in which he had already been working a number of years. He took me under his wing and taught me a great deal. I take much of what he taught me to this day and pass on that knowledge to others at places where I have worked.

Hartmut left that job in 1993, but our friendship continued long afterwards. We would talk for hours at a time on the phone. Others have called him long winded and though the characterization may have been literally true, the negative connotation was unwarranted since he had a great deal of value to say.

There were some rough times and we had a couple of significant clashes. Through it all, however, we remained relatively close. One of the traits that I most admired about him was that even in times when we were not on the best of terms, even if he didn’t think he was wrong on a particular point, he would always seek a peaceful resolution to smooth the waters. He had done that with me and I had seen him do it with others.

We did not see each other for over a decade, but we always maintained contact by phone.

When my phone rang that night, I figured that this call would be much like the others. He had a funny story to tell me or he wanted to ask me a question in a call that would last two hours or more. I considered it a short conversation if I did not have to interrupt him to get up and go to the bathroom.

I knew that I had some time to spare, so I answered the call. By this time, the roles of mentor and student had largely been reversed, but I was happy to return the favor.

This call, however, would not be like the others.

He had taken a young woman named Carli Ward under his wing years earlier, just like he had done with me. They had met in late 2002 through their mutual membership in the Henderson Highway Seventh-day Adventist Church located in the north Winnipeg suburb of North Kildonan. As the years went by, they had grown closer. In June 2004, they began a professional relationship when they started working together doing bookkeeping work for one of Hartmut’s friends.

Hartmut had mentioned Carli a number of times during our conversations, but he hadn’t gone into much detail about her. The most I had heard about her was during a conversation one night with Hartmut in which he called me from her apartment. The two of them had been feverishly trying to work through a problem and he called me to ask if I had encountered such an issue before. It turned out that I had an answer for their problem, but it wasn’t the answer they wanted to hear.

This evening’s call would also involve Carli.

Hartmut proceeded to tell me that the 24-year-old Carli had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer and had six to nine months to live.

She had been having continuous periods for the past four years, but though they had been a problem for her, sporadic visits to doctors turned up little except a diagnosis of fibroids two months earlier. Fibroids are common in pre-menopausal women and though the symptoms can be painful with a great deal of menstrual bleeding, they are otherwise harmless.

In mid-August, she had gone for some additional tests at St. Boniface Hospital and she was soon urgently summoned back when the test results came in. Over the next few days, doctors ordered more tests until her cancer diagnosis was confirmed.

Doctors delivered the full details to Carli on August 31 in her room at the Health Sciences Center with Hartmut and her mother, Denise, present. She had clear cell cervical cancer, a very rare type of cancer. It was so rare that there were only 760 cases worldwide⁹.

Women’s Hospital at the Health Sciences Center¹

It was also hard to detect, but very aggressive.

Carli was in Stage IV, the most advanced stage short of imminent death. The cancer had metastasized to other parts of her body and the doctors cautioned that even their initial estimate of six to nine months of life remaining might be optimistic. Her organs were so weak that they could perforate and start merging with each other, which would cause her immediate death.

Two options for treatment were discussed: chemotherapy and radiation. Chemotherapy was quickly ruled out because it would not extend her life and the drugs would probably make what little life she had left worse. Radiation would not extend her life either, but it would potentially improve the quality of the time she had. They explained that they would administer such high doses that it would cause long-term damage to her organs, but given her short life expectancy, it would not be a problem.

After some discussion, she opted for the radiation treatments.

The next day, Carli called her father, Gary, in her native New Brunswick to deliver a bit of bad news, as she termed it. Gary immediately flew to Winnipeg to be at his daughter’s side and spent the entire Labor Day weekend with her.

Throughout that weekend and in the time that followed, Carli never broke down and asked why me. Instead, she calmly and methodically made plans for her remaining time with a surprising emotional detachment.

That emotional detachment was largely made possible by the fact that she had a mild case of Asperger’s Syndrome (AS), a neurodevelopmental disorder at the mild end of the autism spectrum. She had been originally diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and was given Ritalin, a drug that acts as a central nervous system stimulant, over a number of years. After more testing, she was correctly diagnosed with AS when she was in Grade 10 and taken off Ritalin.

Though intelligent and creative thinkers, people with AS often display preoccupation with one or more particular subjects and will also have difficulty in both personal relationships and coping with changes in routine. As a result, they often find it hard to keep gainful employment.

Carli was no exception.

After graduating from Gordon Bell High School in Winnipeg, she would move on through a series of menial jobs that included delivering pizza flyers and setting up tables at the Winnipeg Convention Center.

She enjoyed her role as a wayfinder at the Manitoba Museum, where she would expertly help guests navigate through the museum, but it was a volunteer position. The paying position working with Hartmut was the first time in her life that she had become mostly financially self-sufficient.

A deeply religious person, Carli was also able to draw strength at this difficult time from her faith as both a Christian and an Adventist. She took comfort in the expectation of an afterlife without misery, which would come after the second coming of Jesus Christ. She believed that this time was close at hand, but not before a time of persecution. She worried that she might not be strong enough to face it, but believed that God will allow those who wouldn’t be able to make it through to be laid to rest before the time of trouble, so that they would remain saved. This belief gave her a possible explanation for what was happening to her