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    This Might Help
    This Might Help
    This Might Help
    Ebook145 pages1 hour

    This Might Help

    By Sam Turner

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    About this ebook

    Reading this book might be your first step in the long walk through the valley of grief. Hopefully, you will discover new strengths along the way. We invite you to keep a journal of your passage through this valley. As you write, you might discover your own healing occurring.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherSam Turner
    Release dateJun 2, 2012
    ISBN9781476351407
    This Might Help
    Author

    Sam Turner

    Sam Turner, a retired art and writing teacher who served with the Arizona Education Association Innovative Teaching Techniques Cadre as a Trainer of Trainers in Facilitating, is a freelance writer. He's contributed to Arizona Highways and The Aviation and Business Journal. He teaches memoir writing, and he and his wife Phyllis have published This Might Help: A Three-Year Walk Through the Valley with the Compassionate Friends, a compilation of monthly columns published in the Tucson Chapter newsletter, Walking This Valley. Compassionate Friends offer guidance, comfort and hope for parents who have suffered the death of a child. Sam has been journaling for forty years and offers his most recent work, Living with the Semi-Rigid Penile Prosthesis, in hopes that, for those considering a procedure, this record might put them at ease.

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      Book preview

      This Might Help - Sam Turner

      This Might Help

      The SMASHWORDS EDITION

      Copyright © 2012 Sam Turner

      Smashwords Edition License Notes

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author’s work.

      TABLE OF CONTENTS

      Dedication

      Acknowledgements

      Introduction

      Forward

      October 2004

      November 2004

      February 2005

      August 2005

      May 2006

      June 2006

      July 2006

      October 2006

      November 2006

      February 2007

      March 2007

      April 2007

      June 2007

      July 2007

      August 2007

      September 2007

      October 2007

      November 2007

      December 2007

      January 2008

      February 2008

      March 2008

      May 2008

      June 2008

      September 2008

      January 2009

      February 2009

      April 2009

      May 2009

      June 2009

      July 2009

      August 2009

      September 2009

      October 2009

      December 2009

      January 2010

      February 2010

      January 2011

      February 2011

      March 2011

      May 2011

      June 2011

      July 2011

      October 2011

      November 2011

      December 2011

      Transitions

      About the Author

      DEDICATION

      To members of the Tucson Chapter of The Compassionate Friends who continually remind us that we need not walk alone.

      And…all of our children and siblings who watch over us.

      ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

      Phyllis and I wish to express our sincere thanks to

      Sara Danielski, a fellow traveler and contributor to this volume and the butterfly cover designer of Volume II. http://www.smokeartbysara.com/

      Harvey Stanbrough: Publication advisor, http://www.harveystanbrough.com/

      Debora Lewis: Formatting for CreateSpace,

      http://arenapublishing.org

      Julie Shulick: Number One daughter, website designer and tweaker of programs for us.

      Sheila Bender: Author, poet, mentor, teacher, contributor to this volume II and fellow traveler through this valley. http://writingitreal.com/

      The Quail Run Writers Group: for their constant encouragement in the many read-throughs of our drafts.

      Sue and Karl Snepp: who in teaching us the workings of The Compassionate Friends, have had a profound influence on us from the beginning.

      Carl, Maureen and Rain (a hearing-ear dog) Luikart: having experienced multiple losses prove that helping others, helps themselves.

      Audrey Russell-Kibble: who walks hand-in-hand with us reminding us that, when our refrigerator fails: If that's the worst thing that happens, you'll be just fine.

      INTRODUCTION

      What else, I ask, can I possibly say that hasn’t already been said? After fourteen years of membership in The Compassionate Friends, most of which as editor of Walking This Valley, and after publishing Volume I of This Might Help covering five years of columns, what can I possibly add?

      The answer has been staring me so closely in the face that I couldn’t see it:

      FRIENDS!

      The lasting friendships that have evolved through the years are actually what The Compassionate Friends is all about. It happens so subtly that one hardly recognizes the change.

      That your address book changes after the death of a child or sibling is a given. Some friends whom you knew before the death tend to drift away. They may be uncomfortable when tears come. However, the devastating reason why we are brought together provides mutual understanding and new friendships are made.

      When new persons enter our meeting they are greeted with, We’re sorry for the reason you are here, but we’re glad you found us!

      Many of our compassionate friends are found in these pages… members… some (thankfully) not members. For privacy, some of the names are changed.

      I wish to thank my dear wife Phyllis of fifty-four years: my editor, my walking companion, my inspiration and my love. We hold hands as we walk this valley.

      Sam Turner, 2011

      FOREWORD

      The theme of this book is the title: This Might Help

      It’s true: Reading this book might be your first step in the long walk through the valley of grief. Hopefully, you will discover new strengths along the way. We invite you to keep a journal of your passage through this valley. As you write, you might discover your own healing occurring.

      The police call: Your son has been in a motorcycle crash.

      BREATHE OUT

      Is he hurt?

      HOLD YOUR BREATH

      Ma’am, he is dead.

      BREATHE IN

      Oh, my God! This can’t be. There must be some mistake. Not my

      son….

      BREATHE OUT

      We did everything we could. We couldn’t save your daughter. The cancer was just too far advanced.

      BREATHE IN

      But she was so young. If I’d only…

      BREATHE OUT

      Let’s place the flowers here, beside the road.

      BREATHE IN

      You may turn the ventilator off.

      BREATHE OUT

      I just can’t sleep anymore. What if…

      BREATHE IN

      I don’t want to go to some meeting where everyone is crying. I don’t see how anything can help. They can’t bring our son back.

      BREATHE OUT

      We want to welcome you to The Compassionate Friends. We are so very sorry for the reason you are here but we are glad you found us. This is an important step in your grief journey.

      BREATHE IN

      I’m John’s Mother. Our son died by suicide.

      BREATHE OUT

      My name is… Our daughter died of an accidental drug overdose.

      BREATHE IN

      Our son died of SIDS.

      My sister died of cancer.

      Our daughter was killed in an auto crash.

      Our daughter took her own life.

      My son was killed in a bomb explosion in Iraq,

      … died of a sleep disorder.

      … died of thyroid cancer.

      … stopped breathing.

      … drowned.

      … was killed by a drunk driver.

      … fell off a cliff.

      … died of a heart attack.

      BREATHE OUT

      Our children, grandchildren and siblings have died at all ages from many different causes, but our love for our children unites us.

      BREATHE IN

      Your pain becomes my pain as your hope becomes my hope.

      BREATHE OUT

      At first your breath comes in gasps.

      BREATHE IN

      I hurt so much. When will the pain go away?

      BREATHE OUT

      ...whatever pain we bring … it is pain we will share just as we share with each other our love for our children..

      BREATHE IN

      Gradually, your breathing slows. After a few meetings you can say your child’s name without crying.

      BREATHE OUT

      How comforting to see familiar faces at The Compassionate Friends meetings.

      BREATHE IN

      It’s always sad to see new faces.

      BREATHE OUT

      Six months, a year, two years go by and you find yourself still breathing. You are sleeping through the night. You are helping newly bereaved attending the meeting for the first time.

      BREATHE IN

      We need not walk alone. We are The Compassionate Friends!

      BREATHE OUT

      This Might Help

      OCTOBER 2004

      I watch the students returning to school and I think about our daughter who would be a senior. I look for her in the crowd—hoping—but she isn’t there.

      There are moments when, seeing my wife’s tears, I get so angry—angry over the unfairness of it all—angry over why it should happen to us—angry that we should be put through this when we did everything right.

      ‘Time heals a broken heart but people heal a broken spirit.’ You quoted that in the September Walking This Valley and it suddenly made sense. Your newsletter means a lot to me.

      I went back to teaching and faced students who were just the age of my child. It was hard, but I did it. Then, in the summer, with no school, I broke down.

      We celebrated the life of our child with friends in a local park. Over a hundred people arrived! We sang and hugged and gave thanks for her spirit.

      I made a scrapbook to honor my child. I’m still not finished. It really helps me.

      I keep a journal of my feelings two or three times a week. It helps.

      I find that I have to put on a face while I’m working and people think that after only four months, I am so strong; that I am over it—NOT!

      "I was not so long in this grieving process and, suddenly, I found myself in a helping role to a friend who had just experienced a death.

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