This Might Help
By Sam Turner
()
About this ebook
Reading this book might be your first step in the long walk through the valley of grief. Hopefully, you will discover new strengths along the way. We invite you to keep a journal of your passage through this valley. As you write, you might discover your own healing occurring.
Sam Turner
Sam Turner, a retired art and writing teacher who served with the Arizona Education Association Innovative Teaching Techniques Cadre as a Trainer of Trainers in Facilitating, is a freelance writer. He's contributed to Arizona Highways and The Aviation and Business Journal. He teaches memoir writing, and he and his wife Phyllis have published This Might Help: A Three-Year Walk Through the Valley with the Compassionate Friends, a compilation of monthly columns published in the Tucson Chapter newsletter, Walking This Valley. Compassionate Friends offer guidance, comfort and hope for parents who have suffered the death of a child. Sam has been journaling for forty years and offers his most recent work, Living with the Semi-Rigid Penile Prosthesis, in hopes that, for those considering a procedure, this record might put them at ease.
Read more from Sam Turner
This Might Help Volume I Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsLiving with a Semi-Rigid Penile Prosthesis Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsLiving With an External Catheter or "I Want One of Those!" Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTanka Road Trip Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Related to This Might Help
Related ebooks
Poetry to Live By: Messages From the Heart Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsPaincouragement: Everything About Life, Inspiration, and Overcoming Difficult Times...All in Poetry Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsLost: A Collection of Poems Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsA Circle of Light: Transform Grief into a Unique Opportunity for Guidance Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Healing Your Grieving Heart Journal for Teens Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Divine Pain: A Book about What's Divinely Yours, Life Changing Perspectives and Finding Strength in Your Painful Experiences Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsFor the People and Lover's Lane Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsPoetic Man Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsPoetry to Live By: Messages from the Heart Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsFrom Us to Me Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsEmbrace Your Life: How to Find Joy When the Life You Have is Not the Life You Hoped For Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Self-Love Is... Loving Me Unconditionally: Journey to Your Healing, Passion, & Purpose Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsBeyond Surviving: A Compilation of Stories from Survivors of Suicide Loss Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsWhere to Begin: A Small Book About Your Power to Create Big Change in Our Crazy World Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Timberline Review: Time Capsule Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsAfter Normal: One Teen's Journey Following Her Younger Brother's Death Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Best of Me Poetically Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsIn Life Alone Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHeart Works: Mindful Things from the Heart Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSpeak Your Darkness Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMind to Eyes Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Heart of a Widow: Overcoming Grief Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMen Cry Too: Poems & Prose Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSeeing through the Fog: Hope When Your World Falls Apart Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Coming Home: A Memoir Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsPoetry for Life Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsA Better Way to Smile Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Deeper Path: A Simple Method for Finding Clarity, Mastering Life, and Doing Your Purpose Every Day Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsNot Always a Happy Ending: Part II: The Past Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Self-Improvement For You
Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex: Creating a Marriage That's Both Holy and Hot Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Don't Believe Everything You Think: Why Your Thinking Is The Beginning & End Of Suffering Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Big Book of 30-Day Challenges: 60 Habit-Forming Programs to Live an Infinitely Better Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How to Win Friends and Influence People: Updated For the Next Generation of Leaders Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Child Called It: One Child's Courage to Survive Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7 Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Codependence and the Power of Detachment: How to Set Boundaries and Make Your Life Your Own Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership: Follow Them and People Will Follow You Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Self-Care for People with ADHD: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Prioritize You! Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Mastery of Self: A Toltec Guide to Personal Freedom Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Art of Witty Banter: Be Clever, Quick, & Magnetic Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5You're Not Dying You're Just Waking Up Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Stolen Life: A Memoir Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Grief Observed Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Chop Wood Carry Water: How to Fall In Love With the Process of Becoming Great Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Reviews for This Might Help
0 ratings0 reviews
Book preview
This Might Help - Sam Turner
This Might Help
The SMASHWORDS EDITION
Copyright © 2012 Sam Turner
Smashwords Edition License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author’s work.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Dedication
Acknowledgements
Introduction
Forward
October 2004
November 2004
February 2005
August 2005
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
October 2006
November 2006
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
May 2008
June 2008
September 2008
January 2009
February 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
Transitions
About the Author
DEDICATION
To members of the Tucson Chapter of The Compassionate Friends who continually remind us that we need not walk alone.
And…all of our children and siblings who watch over us.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Phyllis and I wish to express our sincere thanks to
Sara Danielski, a fellow traveler and contributor to this volume and the butterfly cover designer of Volume II. http://www.smokeartbysara.com/
Harvey Stanbrough: Publication advisor, http://www.harveystanbrough.com/
Debora Lewis: Formatting for CreateSpace,
http://arenapublishing.org
Julie Shulick: Number One daughter, website designer and tweaker
of programs for us.
Sheila Bender: Author, poet, mentor, teacher, contributor to this volume II and fellow traveler through this valley. http://writingitreal.com/
The Quail Run Writers Group: for their constant encouragement in the many read-throughs
of our drafts.
Sue and Karl Snepp: who in teaching us the workings of The Compassionate Friends, have had a profound influence on us from the beginning.
Carl, Maureen and Rain (a hearing-ear dog) Luikart: having experienced multiple losses prove that helping others, helps themselves.
Audrey Russell-Kibble: who walks hand-in-hand with us reminding us that, when our refrigerator fails: If that's the worst thing that happens, you'll be just fine.
INTRODUCTION
What else, I ask, can I possibly say that hasn’t already been said? After fourteen years of membership in The Compassionate Friends, most of which as editor of Walking This Valley, and after publishing Volume I of This Might Help covering five years of columns, what can I possibly add?
The answer has been staring me so closely in the face that I couldn’t see it:
FRIENDS!
The lasting friendships that have evolved through the years are actually what The Compassionate Friends is all about. It happens so subtly that one hardly recognizes the change.
That your address book changes after the death of a child or sibling is a given. Some friends whom you knew before the death tend to drift away. They may be uncomfortable when tears come. However, the devastating reason why we are brought together provides mutual understanding and new friendships are made.
When new persons enter our meeting they are greeted with, We’re sorry for the reason you are here, but we’re glad you found us!
Many of our compassionate friends are found in these pages… members… some (thankfully) not members. For privacy, some of the names are changed.
I wish to thank my dear wife Phyllis of fifty-four years: my editor, my walking companion, my inspiration and my love. We hold hands as we walk this valley.
Sam Turner, 2011
FOREWORD
The theme of this book is the title: This Might Help
It’s true: Reading this book might be your first step in the long walk through the valley of grief. Hopefully, you will discover new strengths along the way. We invite you to keep a journal of your passage through this valley. As you write, you might discover your own healing occurring.
The police call: Your son has been in a motorcycle crash.
BREATHE OUT
Is he hurt?
HOLD YOUR BREATH
Ma’am, he is dead.
BREATHE IN
Oh, my God! This can’t be. There must be some mistake. Not my
son….
BREATHE OUT
We did everything we could. We couldn’t save your daughter. The cancer was just too far advanced.
BREATHE IN
But she was so young. If I’d only…
BREATHE OUT
Let’s place the flowers here, beside the road.
BREATHE IN
You may turn the ventilator off.
BREATHE OUT
I just can’t sleep anymore. What if…
BREATHE IN
I don’t want to go to some meeting where everyone is crying. I don’t see how anything can help. They can’t bring our son back.
BREATHE OUT
We want to welcome you to The Compassionate Friends. We are so very sorry for the reason you are here but we are glad you found us. This is an important step in your grief journey.
BREATHE IN
I’m John’s Mother. Our son died by suicide.
BREATHE OUT
My name is… Our daughter died of an accidental drug overdose.
BREATHE IN
Our son died of SIDS.
My sister died of cancer.
Our daughter was killed in an auto crash.
Our daughter took her own life.
My son was killed in a bomb explosion in Iraq,
… died of a sleep disorder.
… died of thyroid cancer.
… stopped breathing.
… drowned.
… was killed by a drunk driver.
… fell off a cliff.
… died of a heart attack.
BREATHE OUT
Our children, grandchildren and siblings have died at all ages from many different causes, but our love for our children unites us.
BREATHE IN
Your pain becomes my pain as your hope becomes my hope.
BREATHE OUT
At first your breath comes in gasps.
BREATHE IN
I hurt so much. When will the pain go away?
BREATHE OUT
...whatever pain we bring … it is pain we will share just as we share with each other our love for our children..
BREATHE IN
Gradually, your breathing slows. After a few meetings you can say your child’s name without crying.
BREATHE OUT
How comforting to see familiar faces at The Compassionate Friends meetings.
BREATHE IN
It’s always sad to see new faces.
BREATHE OUT
Six months, a year, two years go by and you find yourself still breathing. You are sleeping through the night. You are helping newly bereaved attending the meeting for the first time.
BREATHE IN
We need not walk alone. We are The Compassionate Friends!
BREATHE OUT
This Might Help
OCTOBER 2004
I watch the students returning to school and I think about our daughter who would be a senior. I look for her in the crowd—hoping—but she isn’t there.
There are moments when, seeing my wife’s tears, I get so angry—angry over the unfairness of it all—angry over why it should happen to us—angry that we should be put through this when we did everything right.
‘Time heals a broken heart but people heal a broken spirit.’ You quoted that in the September Walking This Valley and it suddenly made sense. Your newsletter means a lot to me.
I went back to teaching and faced students who were just the age of my child. It was hard, but I did it. Then, in the summer, with no school, I broke down.
We celebrated the life of our child with friends in a local park. Over a hundred people arrived! We sang and hugged and gave thanks for her spirit.
I made a scrapbook to honor my child. I’m still not finished. It really helps me.
I keep a journal of my feelings two or three times a week. It helps.
I find that I have to put on a
face while I’m working and people think that after only four months, I am so strong; that I am
over it—NOT!
"I was not so long in this grieving process and, suddenly, I found myself in a helping role to a friend who had just experienced a death.