Juliets"
Scene: Squad car, with Officers Earnest and Wry on patrol. Start of P.M. watch.
Earnest: So, you’ll be there Sunday, right?
Wry: Sunday?
Earnest: Yeah. For the christening. Come on, Wry, I told you about it three times this week, and I happen to know you’re not on duty....
Wry: Oh, right, the christening. Yeah, sure, I’ll be there. Anything for the little guy.
Earnest: (Relieved.) Good. Eileen reminded me this morning to be sure you’ll be there.
Wry: (Rolls eyes.) Wait a minute! Don’t tell me—she wants to introduce me to her cousin, or her hair dresser, or her best friend from summer camp.
Earnest: No, of course not. (Laughs.) It’s her roommate from college.
Wry: Earnest—!
Earnest: (Shrugs.) Hey, you know Eileen—she wants to fix you up. And since you’re currently between girlfriends....
Wry: (Thoughtfully.) Between girlfriends.... You know, I’ve always dreamt about that.
Earnest: (Laughing.) Pete, you’re terrible!
Wry: I dunno, that’s not what I hear.
Earnest: Anyway, you already said you’ll be there, so you can’t back out. There’s going to be a reception afterward, too.
Wry: With cake?
Earnest: (Laughs.) Yes, there’ll be a cake. Chocolate fudge.
Wry: Chocolate fudge cake? Why didn’t you say so? For that I can probably deal with one of Eileen’s fix-ups.
Earnest: Hey, I thought you said ‘anything for the little guy’?
Wry: Yeah, of course, him, too. The little guy and chocolate cake.... I can’t say no to either one.
Dispatch: Lincoln two-four-five. Four-fifteen in progress, Sally’s Salon, 283 Cottage.
Earnest: (On radio.) Lincoln two-four-five, roger.
(Two minutes later, officers arrive at Sally’s Salon. Upon entry, they note two women engaged in shouting and physical altercation as other female salon customers and employees look on.)
Wry: (Approaches one of the women.) Okay, ladies, break it up. Play-time’s over.
Earnest: (Approaches second woman.) Come on, let go.
First woman: (Lashes out at Wry.) Get away, cop, this is between me and her!
(Wry grabs her from behind in bear hold; Earnest wrestles to get hold of second woman.)
Second woman: Yeah, keep her away from me or she’ll be sorry, the low-life faker!
First woman: Faker! I sure wasn’t faking last night when—
Wry: (Succeeds in yanking first woman away.) That’s enough! Both of you—mouths shut until we say differently!
Earnest: (Manages to get second woman’s arm behind her for cuffing.) You heard him; be still and keep quiet. You’ll get your turn to talk.
Wry: (Holding first woman, who is now cuffed.) Earnest, why don’t you take yours out to the car and call for another unit to come by.
Earnest: Another unit? We’ve got this in hand.
Wry: Yeah, but I really don’t think putting these two—together—in the back of our car would be helpful, do you?
Earnest: Good thinking. Okay, lady, let’s go. You’re so anxious to talk, you can tell me your story. (He leads the woman out of the salon.)
Wry: (Looks around.) Okay, who’s in charge here? One of you must’ve called this in. Sir, was it you?
(A man who had stepped forward while the women were being cuffed approaches Wry.)
Man: Yes, it was me. I’m Bill Travis, and this is my wife’s salon. These two women were each waiting to have their hair done and I saw them talking. Next thing I know, they’re raising their voices, and then before you can say jack-rabbit, they’re going at it with each other like it’s the Saturday night
