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Funny Jokes
by James David
Ratings:
88 pages1 hour
Summary
Laughter is as essential for us as breathing is. The life becomes a big boredom without humor. Whatever be the merits of today’s busy and hectic life, it certainly has taken away laughter from our lives. Mental breakdowns we see around are proofs of it.
This ‘Jokes E-book’ of ours is an effort to dissolve your tensions in a solution of smiles, chuckles and laughter. We earnestly believe that our collections of hilarious jokes will displace your worries and gloom with lots of Ha-Ha’s.
Publisher: Mahesh Dutt SharmaReleased: Jan 14, 2014ISBN: 9781311570178Format: book
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Funny Jokes - James David
Funny Jokes
By James David
Published by Mahesh Dutt Sharma
Smashwords Edition
© mds e-books 2014
Smashwords License Statement
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each reader. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Preface
Laughter is as essential for us as breathing is. The life becomes a big boredom without humour. Whatever be the merits of today’s busy and hectic life, it certainly has taken away laughter from our lives. Mental breakdowns we see around are proofs of it.
This ‘Jokes E-book’ of ours is an effort to dissolve your tensions in a solution of smiles, chuckles and laughter. We earnestly believe that our collections of hilarious jokes will displace your worries and gloom with lots of Ha-Ha’s.
Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 1
A lady came up to John on the street and pointed to his suede jacket. You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?
She sneered. John replied in a psychotic tone, I didn’t know there were any witnesses. Now I’ll have to kill you too!
************
A Jewish man walks into a bar, sits down, and has a few drinks, and then he sees a Chinese man, walks up to him and punches him in the face. Ouch!
the Chinese man says. What was that for?
That was for Pearl Harbour,
the Jewish man says.
But I’m Chinese!
Chinese, Japanese, what’s the difference?
The Jewish man sits back down. Then, the Chinese man walks up to the Jewish man and punches him in the face. Ouch!
the Jewish man says. What was that for?
That was for the Titanic,
the Chinese man says. But that was an iceberg!
"Iceberg, Goldberg, what’s the difference?
************
Bunta had just got a new car and was out for a drive when he accidentally cut off a truck driver.
Truck driver motioned for Bunta to pull over. When Bunta did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to Bunta, Stand in that circle and DON’T MOVE!
He then went to James's car and cut up his leather seats. When he turned around, Bunta had a slight grin on his face, so he said, Oh you think that’s funny? Watch this!
He gets a bat out of his truck and breaks every window in his car. When he turns and looks at Bunta, he has a smile on his face. He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all his tires. Now James's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of petrol, pours it on his car and sets it on fire. He turns around and Bunta is laughing so hard he is about to fall down. What’s so funny?
the truck driver asked Bunta.
Bunta replied, Every time you weren’t looking, I stepped outside the circle!
************
The college football coach was in his office talking with his basketball counterpart. The conversation finally turned to the topic: Which is the more dumb - football players, or basketball players? The football coach said, I can prove that football players are dumber than basket-ball players. Watch this...
He called out to a foot-ball player who was loitering in the lobby, Tommy, come in here, please.
Yeah, coach?
Said the football player, entering the office. Here’s 25c,
Said the football coach, Run downtown and buy me a new Mercedes Benz.
Ok, coach,
Tommy said. He took the 2-bits and left the office. A few minutes later, he came back into the office and said, Say coach, I forgot to ask what colour you wanted.
the football coach said, That’s ok, Tommy. Just forget it - I've changed my mind.
After Tommy left, the football coach said to the bb coach, See what I was talking about?
the bb coach said, That’s nothing... Watch this.
He called out to one of the bb players who was parked in front of the TV in the lobby, Bill, could you come in here, please?
Yeah, coach?
Said the bb player, entering the office. Could you run down to my office for me, and see if I'm there?
The bb coach said to his player. Sure, coach.
Bill said, and turned to leave. He abruptly stopped at the door, turned back around, and exclaimed, Hey! There’s a phone right there on the desk. Can’t you just call down there?
************
A punk, in full regalia (leather, chains, rings on every bodily protrusion, multi-coloured spiked hay...the works), happened to note an old man watching him intently from a park bench. The punk sauntered up to the oldster and, with a sneer curling his purple collared lips, demanded to know what the old man was looking at. You,
replied the senior citizen. What is the matter, don’t you like what you see?
demanded the punk. Never taking his gaze from the punk, the old man said: About twenty years ago I had love with a parrot. I was just wondering if you might be my son.
************
One evening when this husband comes home and walks into the bedroom, he sees his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, What are you doing? Where are you going?
She replies, I heard that in Las Vegas I can get paid Rs. 500 a pop...for what I have been giving you for free all these years. I’m going to Las Vegas.
The husband stops in his tracks....mulls this over for a moment...and then goes to the closet and gets his suitcase. He proceeds to begin packing. Puzzled, his wife asks, and what do you think you are doing?
And his reply is.... I’m going to Las Vegas too. I want to see you live on Rs. 1500 a year!
************
A business man packing for a trip glances in his briefcase, Honey.
Yes, darling?
Honey,
he says, in mild exasperation, "why do you persist in putting a condom in my briefcase every time I go on a trip? You know I
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