Maggie Mae

Maggie Mae

By Sandy Wolters

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Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2011 Sandy Wolters

http://sandywolters.weebly.com/

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

CHAPTER 1

Here I stand, me, Maggie Mae Dixon, on the beach at dusk, in front of friends and family marrying the man I love.

People talk about love and how it changes your life, but does anyone really believe it until it happens to them? I certainly didn’t. I didn’t know what I was missing in my life until this gift was thrust upon me like an out of control eighteen-wheeler speeding down a steep mountain grade. I didn’t know I was lonely. I didn’t know I was just striding through life with no bearing until the first time my eyes met his, and everything and everyone else disappeared. This man, James David Carson, filled my world when I didn’t realize it was empty. I feel sorry for every other woman because this man is mine and will always be mine.

Does he know that he is everything to me? Does he understand that I’m not the same person when he leaves the room?

We’ve accomplished so much in the two short years since we’ve met. We’ve built our dream house with our own hands just outside the most beautiful, small Northern Arizona community. We’ve never spent a night alone since we’ve met. We cease to exist without the other.

As I listen to the pastor and get lost in this man’s eyes, I can’t help but smile. We’ve got a secret. We’re pregnant. I can’t wait to tell everyone. He knows what I’m thinking at this moment, and the warmth of his smile sends me reeling. I can’t keep my eyes off of him.

As I look at him, I start to feel cold pricks down my spine. He senses my fear and grips my hands stronger. I don’t know what is happening, but as I watch him, his face slowly starts to shimmer, becoming transparent. I try to talk, but nothing comes out of my mouth. He is slowly vanishing in front of my eyes. I am still holding his hands, but I no longer feel them. I still don’t understand what is happening, but panic is thrusting downward to my very core to such a degree that I can’t breathe. Where is he going? Why can’t I make a noise?

Even though I can barely see him now, his words are clear. Maggie, my darling, I love you. I will always love you. I promise I will never leave you. And then, he is gone.

Confused and frightened, I look around and it’s dark. There is no sign of friends or family. I can’t see the sand or the water. I look down at my hands, and there’s blood, too much blood, all over me. Besides the stickiness on my hands, the only sense I have is the awful coppery smell of the blood. The sour sweetness of it is suffocating me. I can’t open my eyes. I try to shout his name, but nothing is coming out of my mouth. My God! Where is all of this blood coming from? Please someone help me!

The next moment Maggie woke up. She was in mid-scream, but no sound was coming out of her mouth. Panicked and covered in sweat, she couldn’t catch her breath. It felt as though her heart was being squeezed in a vice. As she focused on the hotel room around her, she once again felt the loss.

Jimmy gave her everything life had to offer, and then he took it all away when he died. She knew in her heart she should have died with him that day, but life, with all of its cruel fates, had condemned her to face the world without him.

Maggie moved into the bathroom, washed her face and looked into the mirror. How did her life turn into such a mess? If the past five years were any indication, she would be having this gut-wrenching dream for the next month. Why was the universe so cruel? Why did she have to consistently be reminded of what she’d lost?

Backing up to the bathroom door, she let her body slide down the door jamb. Sitting on the floor with her face in her hands, she begged for answers, her anguished cry enough to still one’s heart. Oh, Jimmy, you promised me. You promised you’d never leave me.

The man who had been shielding himself from her and pacing the room stopped and turned toward her. The power of hearing her say his name with so much torment brought him to his knees. He knew now that the chain of events he had set in motion was the only way she could move on with her life. He never again wanted to hear her cry out his name with such heartbreak attached to it. He wanted to always hear the love and joy in her voice that she felt when she remembered the magical times they had had together.

He knew that what he had planned for the next few days would cause his Maggie great distress, but she would never be able to achieve joy in her life if he didn’t proceed.

Carefully moving toward her, he whispered, Maggie, my darling, I love you. I will always love you. I promise. I will never leave you. It’s going to be okay, baby. You’re going to move past this and have the life you deserve. No more despair. You just need to be strong a little while longer.

With that, he disappeared.

CHAPTER 2

Phoenix, Arizona

July 4th, 2010

As Maggie pulled out of the parking garage of the hotel, she knew the only thing that could get her through today was to see Amanda. Smiling, she thought that it wasn’t so bad to not ever have children as long as she had Amanda. The daughter of Rafferty, Jimmy’s best friend and business partner, Amanda was truly the love of her life. If she had been blessed to have Jimmy’s child, she would have wanted her to be just like Amanda. She was spunky, fun loving, filled with laughter, and the only person in the world who could get Maggie through the nightmares.

It was still early, but Maggie knocked on the front door. Looking very sexy in pajama bottoms, Rafferty opened the door, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He was expecting Maggie today, but the jolt of seeing her always excited him. Maybe today would be the day she would see past Jimmy and see him for more than just Jimmy’s best friend.

Opening his arms, Rafferty could not help feeling a surge of excitement as she walked into them, laid her head on his bare chest, threw her arms around him and held on as he squeezed her tight to his body. Maggie had promised herself she would not cry, and she didn’t, even though she always felt closer to Jimmy when she was with Raff.

Kissing the top of her head, Raff said, We better come in the house. My neighbors will have a field day if they see me dressed like this in the arms of the most beautiful woman in the world.

She laughed. Raff, you’re so full of shit. I mean, look at you—you’re gorgeous! I bet there have been plenty of women on this doorstep.

He shut the door and grabbed her arm more roughly than he intended. There are no women, Mags. The look in his eyes told her she had hurt him.

She reached up and touched his shoulder. Rafferty, I didn’t mean to hurt you, and I wasn’t making fun of you. You know that you and Amanda mean the world to me. I just thought that—well—look at you! You’re absolutely gorgeous.

Lowering her head, she apologized. I’m so sorry, Raff. Once again I’m caught up in my own little world and not thinking about anyone but myself. It has to be just as difficult to get on with your life when a spouse leaves as it is when a spouse dies. I am so sorry. Please forgive me.

He pulled her into his arms. How much longer could he wait for her to move on with her life? Should he tell her that Linda left him because he was so in love with her that he couldn’t touch his own wife anymore? He just hadn’t been able to live that lie any longer. Still, every time he started to approach Maggie about his feelings for her, a cold fear would sweep through him. What if he told her how he felt, and Maggie ran from him, unable to ever trust him again? At least this way, she loved him and would remain in his life. He wanted so much more though than to be just a good friend she could lean on. Maggie was an affectionate person, and she was always touching, hugging, and kissing. At least he had that for now. It would just have to be enough until he was certain she wouldn’t reject him.

Are we okay? she asked, tears running down her cheeks.

He wiped her face. I love you, Maggie.

Smiling, she replied, I love you too, Raff.

With everything back to normal, they reached out to each other and walked into the living room holding hands. Where’s my baby girl, Raff? Is she still sleeping?

If she only knew what it did to him when she referred to his child as hers. One day, he was sure, they would have children of their own. She stayed the night at a friend’s house. She took three suitcases full of dress-up clothes, shoes, feather boas, tiaras, and makeup. If that’s any indication, they probably didn’t make it to bed until about an hour ago. They both laughed, thinking of Amanda parading around in a feather boa and tiara.

I’m going to get dressed. Why don’t you go into the kitchen and get something to drink? I’ll be right back. Before leaving the room, he kissed her on the temple. It didn’t come close to the sensation of feeling her lips against his, but if it was as close as he could be at the moment, it would have to do.

Maggie loved Raff’s house. She had never known a man, not even Jimmy, who was so sentimental. Every time she came into the living room, she noticed new pictures of friends and family. Crossing to the mantel, she saw a picture of Raff carrying her off of the bunny slope at Snowbowl. Remembering that day, she couldn’t keep from laughing.

All of Maggie’s friends skied except for her. After all, she was raised in Phoenix, and no one in her family had ever skied. Nevertheless, that weekend everyone had been excited about going to the ski resort together. Jimmy had taken her shopping and decked her out in ski wear, snow skis, snow boots, the whole ensemble. She hadn’t even known they sold stuff like that in Phoenix.

Once they arrived at Snowbowl, Jimmy had shown her where the bunny slope was. Then everyone went off, ready to enjoy their day—everyone except for Raff. He had stayed behind with her. She had assumed he just wanted to get a good laugh watching her try to figure out how a rope tow works and then how to make it down the bunny slope.

No one had told her you weren’t supposed to let go of the rope while being towed to the top of the hill. Unfortunately, no one had told the people behind her to let go of the rope if some idiot in front of them let go of it. It was like dominoes going down—one after another. She had ended up wiping six people out, ranging in age from six to sixty. Then, there was Raff—picking her up and brushing her off, trying his hardest not to laugh even though the tightness of his mouth gave him away. Regaining his composure, he had solemnly explained the rope tow to her and backed away so she could enjoy her first ski experience.

Trying hard not to commit any more rope tow faux pas, she had made it to the top of the bunny slope. She had stepped back and let the other people behind her go down first. When it was her turn, Raff had shouted instructions to her on what to do. At the time she remembered thinking that it was now or never. She really wished she had chosen never. She had gone a total of three feet before wiping out. Who on earth would have thought it was possible to do so much damage to your knee going three feet down a bunny slope?

Raff, such a sweetheart, was there in an instant. As he brushed the snow off of her face, Maggie had seen real fear in his eyes. It was so funny at the time. There she was— hurt, couldn’t get up, and couldn’t walk. Yet, Raff had been so consumed by fear for her well-being that she had had to console him! She had laughed at the time, claiming that someone had mistakenly put a mogul on the bunny slope—you know, those mounds of hard compacted snow that form obstacles on the expert slopes. Otherwise, she would never have fallen. She had seen the fear on his face slipping away as he picked her up and carried her back to the resort.

They had drunk the rest of the day until everyone came back wondering where they had been. It hadn’t taken them long to figure out. She had been lying on top of the piano with her leg in a makeshift cast with several coats supplied by fellow drinkers piled under her for comfort. Raff was holding her hand as they belted out the chorus of Singing in the Rain with a room full of disillusioned skiers. When the song ended, everyone had applauded—everyone except Jimmy.

Maggie's brow furrowed now, remembering how angry Jimmy was with Raff that day. He never told her why. She had tried to distract him by telling him how Raff had stayed and helped her, that he carried her off the bunny slope and into the warm lodge. She thought Jimmy would be grateful, but he didn’t want to hear about it.

When Raff returned to the living room, he stopped when he saw Maggie deep in thought and cradling the picture of him carrying her off of the bunny slope at Snowbowl. Walking up to her, he gently touched the picture she was holding. That was a fun day. One of the best of my life.

I was just remembering how good you were to me. Jimmy was so angry, but he would never tell me why. Do you know why?

Laughing, Raff replied, He was jealous.

"What? You were married,