There are going to be many occasions where you are faced with giving up, where the normal person would not hold it against you for stopping, where almost everyone would give you a pat on the back for a valiant effort.

It is at that time that you have a choice to make, you could accept the alibi that is being thrown to you, or you can try “Again.”

And when you do, you will find that life is amazing.

The ability to keep going on when you think that you can’t go on anymore.

When you have given everything to achieving a goal and you come up short.

Your fight inside of you cannot be dictated by the amount of time left on the clock, or by the score, or by relying on getting good breaks over bad ones.

Your fight inside of you must be dictated by the outcome that you want to achieve.

Every Breath Is Gold.

******
Excerpt from "Again"

TANKS AND DOORWAYS

I am sitting in a hospital room, day 28 since this latest episode began, waiting for my daughter to have her second brain surgery in less than a month, her sixth in the last four years.

There have been a few times in my life when I knew, as I walked out of the hospital room I was currently in, that I might never see the person I was visiting, not ever again.

The last time this realization occurred was with my father, in 2009.

My dad had been hospitalized at the same time as Jessica.

Conveniently, Jess and my dad were in the same hospital, and only a few rooms apart. I would visit with one and then the other, throughout the night, never sleeping.

One night, while I was visiting with my father late at night, I just knew the second I dropped my father’s hand out of my hand and walked out of his hospital room, that it would be the last time I would ever see him, alive, again.

I stayed with my dad all through that night.

Even the pull of my daughter being by herself and needing me was not enough to draw me away from him.

Then, deep into the night, at around dawn, I just knew, that I had to go.

I kissed my dad on his sweaty forehead, for what would be my last time.

I remember my lips not wanting to ever leave the feel of his skin, knowing that as soon as they parted and pulled away, it would be nature’s queue to proceed.

I thought about protesting like that man did in Tiananmen Square, where he stood in front of that oncoming tank, but I knew if I did, I would just be run over.

So I decided to move out of the way and let nature advance.

I knew this was a process I could no longer stop.

With no audible sound from my lips, I said, “I love you dad”, and I slowly walked out his hospital room, fully aware that I would never see him alive again.

There is something that focuses you when finality is staring at you across the doorway.

I walked through the door and went to my daughter’s room.

My father died that morning.

That day, what was most important in life came into focus for me.

That day was the start of my knowing what I truly value in life.

I knew what I did right with my father, and I knew what I wish I had done more of with him.

It is at these times, when the wounds are fresh, that you “Get it”.

“Getting it” is the reward you receive for enduring pain if you allow yourself to.

Well, in a few hours I will be facing that same doorway, as my daughter Jessica is scheduled for brain surgery in the morning.

It is 2:00 a.m. and I lie awake, looking at her from across the room.

I look past her and I see a doorway. I wonder whether or not this will be the last few hours that I will see my daughter... ever again.

I doubt that I will ever again be more focused on what is truly important

Tomorrow, life will reveal if that doorway is more than just an exit.

This time, I’m going to stand in front of that oncoming tank - even if it kills me.

******
“Every Breath Is G

Published: John A. Passaro on
ISBN: 9781311666413
List price: $2.99
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