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    The Ha-Haggadah: A Series of Unfortunate Egyptian Events
    The Ha-Haggadah: A Series of Unfortunate Egyptian Events
    The Ha-Haggadah: A Series of Unfortunate Egyptian Events
    Ebook23 pages22 minutes

    The Ha-Haggadah: A Series of Unfortunate Egyptian Events

    By Hilory Wagner

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    About this ebook

    At last: Freedom from boring seders! The Ha-Haggadah is a haggadah with a twist! Not that oppression and bondage and brick-shaping is particularly funny. But if you've sat through years of arid ceremonies and pasty matzoh balls and the same old same old, consider the Ha-Haggadah for your next seder. It's funny enough that Elijah may actually join you!
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBookBaby
    Release dateMar 17, 2014
    ISBN9781483523286
    The Ha-Haggadah: A Series of Unfortunate Egyptian Events

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      Book preview

      The Ha-Haggadah - Hilory Wagner

      The Ha-Haggadah

      A Series of

      Unfortunate Egyptian Events

      Mangled by

      Hilory Wagner

      This is How We Do

      • The Seder participants (hereby known as we) take turns reading from this Ha-Haggadah.

      • Read as much as you want, but don’t bogart the thing, people.

      • When you’re done, lightly tap the guest next to you to continue.

      • Even if you have some pent-up hostility toward the next guest, go easy on the tapping. Come on, we’re celebrating here.

      • Please refrain from texting during the seder. They didn’t text in the Bible, you know. Tweeting, on the other hand, is encouraged. #hahaggadah #pesach #letmypeoplego #gotseder

      • When you see italics, that means we all read together. Text in (parentheses) means show, don’t tell. (Just do it.)

      • Three shall be the number of the counting, and the number of the counting shall be three.

      • Fasten your seatbelts. It’s gonna be a bumpy ride!

      Like Most Jewish Rituals, We Start with Candle Lighting

      Before sunset and prior to the Seder, we light two candles. We all say:

      Praised be Thou, O Lord our G-d, King of the universe, who has sanctified us with Thy commandments and enjoined upon us the mitzvah of kindling the Festival of Lights.

      Baruch atah adonai, eloheynu meleh ha'olam, asher kid'shanu b'mitzvotav, ve'tzivanu le hadlik nayr shel yom tov. Praised be Thou, O Lord our G-d, King of the universe, who has kept us in life and sustained us, and enabled us to reach this season.

      Baruch atah adonai, eloheynu meleh ha'olam, shehekyanu, vekiy'manu, vehigi'anu laz'man hazeh.

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