A collection of new jokes to help comedians (and party animals) create more material, or using any material in this book. The jokes are for the British and American market, but you can customize them to any audience. Adapt and change these jokes to suit your stand-up requirements, we hope they give you fresh ideas to add to your repertoire of telling jokes in your routine. Just a few examples:
When our eight year old grandson stays with us for the weekend we're not allowed to smoke in the house. The wife makes us stand outside in the cold. And she wonders why he doesn't like her.
My terminally ill wife died this morning. What made it even more tragic was that today was her birthday. Phew, lucky escape, I forgot to buy her present!
The record companies would have us believe that the money made by CD pirates goes to fund the drug industry. But the money rock stars make from legal record sales ends up in exactly the same place. When they stop breaking the law, so will I.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
I read this morning that the main reason for getting deleted on Facebook is being boring! Then I ironed my shirt and did some washing up.
My girlfriend was arguing with me that wrestling is fake, but I proved her wrong. I slammed a chair into her face, drop kicked her in the stomach and then threw her onto a pile of tacks. When she gets out of the coma I expect an apology.
A man wearing a mini-skirt. Now that shows a lot of balls
Well my dog certainly seems to be enjoying the fireworks. He's been sat there transfixed for the last half hour, just shaking with excitement.
I hate Thank You cards, because I never know what to write in them. So I just write, "See cover".