Love Shopping List by Andrew G. Yellen, Ph.D. by Andrew G. Yellen, Ph.D. - Read Online

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Love Shopping List - Andrew G. Yellen, Ph.D.

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AUTHOR

INTRODUCTION

We were given: Two hands to hold. Two legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find. ∼ Anonymous

Welcome to Love Shopping List™, the book. I wrote this book to expand on what people have told us they gained from using Love Shopping List®, our app. So often people have contacted us because after using the app, and even after reading the description of each of the scoring categories, they wanted additional information on how to have a successful relationship, and they had unanswered questions.

As a disclaimer, we know that just consciously picking characteristics and making a list of needs and wants is not the only component of a successful relationship. Through technology and the wonderful work done by researchers, we know there are biological and neurological correlates to mate choices that impact our decisions. Our hormones and neurotransmitters play a huge role. Yes, indeed, brain chemistry figures into these decisions. Sometimes it's like oil and water, meaning they just don't mix, while at other times the chemical reaction is like watching exciting fireworks.

Much is also tied to our family of origin. That being said, researchers tell us that picking the right person continues to be the single most important component of a satisfying, long-lasting relationship. That is worth repeating. Making good choices about your relationships is really important!

We really do want people to Unlock the Secret to Your Soulmate™. We designed the app to help you decide what is most important for you in a relationship and to empower you in your relationship choices. I wrote the book to share my answers to questions that have been presented to us, as well as those that have come up in real life therapy.

In my other life I was a coach. As such, practicality is very important to me. Practicality was involved in every aspect of the design of our app. It forms the basis of how this book is written and how our app functions. It has to be useful and have immediate gratification for the user.

Each chapter is useful in its own right, but collectively the information is designed to assist others in making healthier and more satisfying decisions about relationships. Within each chapter you'll find relationship questions that were either presented to us online on our weekly Tweet Chat program, entitled LSL Love Advice, (any misspellings or grammatical errors are the way the questions were written) or came from my patients in therapy. You'll also find my responses to those questions. You can follow us on Twitter (@AppPowerGroup) if you'd like to participate.

It is my sincere hope that our body of work, which includes the Love Shopping List® app and the Love Shopping List™ book, will empower people to make effective decisions about having more meaningful and healthier relationships.

Relationships are such an important part of everyone's life; in fact, they shape our lives in many ways. The most powerful relationships are about love, that elusive concept that has baffled artists, poets, philosophers, songwriters, authors, and filmmakers. We all believe we know what we want in the broadest of terms, but unless we can be more specific in defining what we need, we will be leaving so much up to chance. I want a good relationship, is just not enough.

Chapter I

Why We Created Love Shopping List® (LSL®)

Eighty percent of life's satisfaction comes from meaningful relationships.

∼Brian Tracy

Love is not insatiable. What is insatiable is the need for love."

∼ Marty Rubin

I'm starting to think that maybe this world is just a place for us to learn we need each other more than we want to admit.

∼ Richelle E. Goodrich

Relationships are universal. You'll find them in every culture around the world because they are the most fundamental of all things human.

Relationships are timeless. Going back to the dawn of humankind, relationships have been an integral part of every society and have been immortalized by song, art, and cultural events. There will always be an endless stream of people looking for good relationships.

We know that love is a biological need, a fundamental human drive. Love is the most powerful of all the brain's drives, much stronger than food or even sex. It is all about our very essence and survival.

LSL® is about empowering relationships. Along the lines of the famous quotation, Give a person a fish, and he/she eats for a day. Teach a person to fish, and she/he eats for a lifetime, LSL® is about helping people acquire the knowledge and skills to make their own informed decisions about relationships, while having fun. After all, if you set a person up on a date, they go out for an evening, but if you teach someone how to recognize a good relationship, they may be together for life.

Basically, if you ask most people to list what they want or need in a relationship, they will usually get stuck and run out of answers after listing four or five items. So how would anyone know a good match if they stumbled upon one? Exactly! They wouldn't. So we set out to help.

). So at 22 and 21 we had absolutely no idea what we were doing. Forty-four years later, here we are. I would like to believe we have learned some things along the way that are worth sharing with you so that your relationships can be better, more productive, and more fulfilling. We certainly wish there was a similar resource available way back when, but of course, we knew it all – ha, ha.

One of the sections of the health class curriculum that I would teach was all about families. My classes were relatively informal, as I felt it was important to answer the questions that the students really wanted to ask rather than sticking strictly with the textbook. One day at the very end of the second period, right before a nutrition break, a young girl asked, "How do you know when you are in a good relationship?" The bell rang, and I told her I would answer that question the next day. Actually, I really had no idea how to answer it. I was saved by the bell, literally. As with most people, I had really never thought about it -- until that very moment.

That night I went home to our small one-bedroom apartment and pondered that question. I began doodling on a napkin at the kitchen table after dinner, writing out different combinations of traits and characteristics. I moved the combinations around as if they were magnets on a board. I came up with a crude formula to assign numerical values to the characteristics depending on their position on my chart. I showed the process to my wife, Heidi, and she thought it was cute. That night, thanks to that unnamed 15-year old student so many years ago, Love Shopping List® started on