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Repo Man: Truck Repo

27 pages25 minutes


The man asks, “What seems to be the problem?”
I ask, “Are you a plenipotentiary?”
The man says, “Yes.”
“You want to obtain an impossible communication system so that you can communicate with a mysterious communications partner. The partner doesn't care with whom the partner deals, as long as they don't get involved in attention getting violence. You can't currently deal with the communications partner, only because you don't have the proper communications device. So far so good?”
The man looks straight ahead, “So far, so good.”
“Your communication device is at least the very secret product of a very advanced national government. No national government would deal in the situation I have described. Thus, you're dealing with aliens. Money would be worthless to aliens. Thus, the aliens are willing to deal because they are obtaining some goods which goods are very important to the aliens. Since aliens can't be seen, at least not too often, they insist upon doing the dealing while in motion, hence the vehicle. If you can obtain the vehicle that you want and its communication system, you can provide the aliens with the requisite goods and obtain their sophisticated dope in return.”
The man’s face gets hard. He asks, “Why do you assume that we're dealing dope?”
“It was either dope or weapons. Since the current possessors of the communication system are not some sort of army, it can really only be dope.”
The man says, “Okay, we have to have the communications system. How do we go about getting the communication system?”
“If I tell you how I can get the communications system, you'll assume that you can bypass me and get the communication system by the same methods. You can't get the communication system without me. The process of getting and using the communication system requires the unique talents of a repo man. The repo guy is the method that's required to get what you want. I'm the best repo man on this planet.”
The man snorts, “Well, my boastful fellow, why don’t you just tell us how to get the communications device and we will pay you your $100,000 fee. You then will have your pay and you don't need to worry further about the matter.”
I sigh, “Let us suppose that I tell you that you are so stupid that you require brain surgery. I'll hire the best brain surgeon around and he/she will tell your lady partner how to do it. Then your lady partner will perform the surgery, after you pay off the brain surgeon.”
The man says, “Stealing a vehicle is not brain surgery.”
“I can hire you any number of very skilled car thieves. They're the very top of the car thief profession and none of them can do the job for you.”
The man thinks for a few moments. “All right, convince me we need your talents.”
“At last, reason! You could clearly steal the vehicle yourselves, or at least make a good amateur try. However, you probably don't know which of several identical vehicles contains the actual communication device. Anyhow, that's how I would set up the vehicle security. You can't follow all of the vehicles until the aliens make contact with the one live vehicle, the aliens, not to mention your rivals, would detect you and there would be problems.

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