What's Your Anger Type for Christians: Good Anger Versus Bad Anger
By Peter Sacco
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About this ebook
Peter Sacco
Peter Sacco is a recipient of the Award of Excellence in Teaching, lecturing at universities both in the US and Canada. A bestselling author, psychology professor and former private practitioner, Peter has also written over 700 articles in media/magazines as well as several book reviews for Prentice-Hall Publishing. He is a regularly featured guest on television and radio including FOX, ABC, CBS and IHeart, and is the host of the highly popular weekly radio show Matters of the Mind. As an award-winning executive producer, he has hosted many documentaries on relationships, psychological issues and children’s issues. For more information on Peter or his books, please visit: www.petersacco.com
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What's Your Anger Type for Christians - Peter Sacco
with.
An Introduction To Your Anger…
Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.
1 Peter 3:9
Do you have an anger management problem? Is there something or someone around you, or in your life who is always getting under your skin? Do you just want to explode? Do you feel like you are literally at the end of your anger control leash
? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then this book can definitely help you and perhaps even save you from detrimental situations!
Let’s face it... everyone gets angry. Anger is a normal and acceptable human emotion just as happiness, joy, surprise, sadness and angst. Unfortunately, most times anger is expressed in non-productive and unacceptable ways which society deems as inappropriate.
What does the Bible say about anger? Does God ever get angry? Does He have something to say when humans get angry?
The Bible discusses how God feels about sin and wickedness. Jeremiah 30:23-24 says, "Behold, the whirlwind of the Lord goes forth with fury, a continuing whirlwind; it will fall violently on the head of the wicked. The fierce anger of the Lord will not return until he has done it, and until He has performed the intents of His heart. In the latter days you will consider it." Anger is real. Even God gets angry! Keep in mind, if we are created in God’s image and likeness (Genesis 1:26), and if God gets angry, does this not make anger an acceptable emotion for humans?
It is how anger is often portrayed and used which makes it perceived as a very bad emotion. In fact, many Christians confuse being angry with being sinful. This is wrong! By thinking this way, you are punishing yourself and judging yourself. Folks, we are already sinners, each and every one of us. Adding further insult to injury is more detrimental, if not stressing. In fact, you will start to get angry at being angry because you believe each time you get angry you are sinning. No one wants to sin. If we think this way, in a perfectionist’s way, we will be caught up in an infinite emotional dilemma:
As a psychotherapist and university professor with years of experience working with clients, patients, criminals, students and friends, I have found both believers and non-believers often times get caught up in this thinking trap. It is important to take note… Anger is a normal, human emotion. We all get angry. Notice I didn’t say, We are all guilty of being angry.
I believe many Christians fall into the trap of magnification
and polarized thinking
. These are concepts found in cognitive psychology. Magnification requires taking one situation, however small it may be and blowing it way out of proportion. We take something so minute and tiny and turn it into an end of the world
, life and death situation
. I have seen youth and teens do this with a pimple! Polarized thinking means thinking in extremes; all or nothing, right vs. wrong, good vs. evil, black vs. white, etc. Too many times we see this in fundamentalist movements. This is the very fiber of terrorism and destructive cults. It is a very judgmental approach which hurts others. Unfortunately, it is often times found in extreme Christians and churches passing judgment on others and driving them away from God. If my Bible study serves me correctly, only Christ has the power to judge us!
When it comes to anger, I think so many Christians compare anger to more comparable emotions found in the Bible. The greatest way to be and treat others is found in Galatians. Galatians 6:22-23 says, But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance…
No where do you read about the fruit of anger. When you think in magnified and polarized terms and get angry, you believe you are not living according to the fruits. If this is the case, then you must be sinning. Wrong!
What you have done is fallen into the all or nothing thinking dichotomy. You have made things so fundamental and perfect for your lives. You are once again trying to be a perfect being. No one is perfect.
The first thing every Christian needs to drum into their head is that anger is an acceptable, normal, human emotion. Once you get this, then the rest is easy. You no longer have to be so hard on yourself and punish yourself for thinking you sinned because you felt angry
. The second thing you need to realize once you have accepted the first premise is that it is how you use your anger which makes it right and productive, or wrong and sinful.
Exodus 32:19-20 shows where God allows Moses to get angry rightfully. It says, So it was, as soon as he came near the camp, that he saw the calf and the dancing. So Moses’ anger became hot, and he cast the tablets out of his hands and broke them at the foot of the mountain. Then he took the calf which they had made, burned it with fire and ground it to powder, and he scattered it on the water and made the children of Israel drink it.
How Moses behaved was viewed as acceptable before God. If I was a betting man, I would guess humans have annoyed God on many an occasion. During these occasions, God has put forth his wrath in drastic measure to get our attention. Look to the Old Testament at Sodom and Gomorrah, or the Great Flood during Noah’s time. Sometimes God allows us to vent our anger publicly if it is instrumental and done for the right reasons.
On the other hand, there are those times when we do not use our anger productively and how God wants us to use it. Turn to John 18:10-11 in your Bible and you find Jesus rebuking Peter for cutting off Malchus’ ear when the soldiers were arresting Jesus. In Genesis 49, Simeon and Levi were cursed by God for their anger they used against the defenseless Shechemites.
In both Old and New Testaments, God shows us situations where acting on our anger is both acceptable and unacceptable. It is how we choose to control it, use it and deal with it which determines whether we will have His favor or not. Interestingly, everyone has the ability to control all facets of how they act, due to how they feel, which in turn is precipitated by their thought processes. We can all control our anger because we can all control the seeds which start the process... Our thoughts!
This is the flowchart process I use when working with clients to explain how and why they become angry. I will definitely explain it in greater detail later in the book. I want you to examine it briefly in order to see my personal stance on how I believe anger begins, flourishes and ends. Stay tuned!
Anyone reading this book will learn the following 10 key points:
1. If we think it, we’ll feel it, we’ll act that way, and over a long period of time, we may even take on that behavior and become it... an angry person.
2. Anger is a normal and healthy emotion. All people emote and if we all emote, we are capable of becoming angry at any point in our lives.
3. Since we are all able to exert control over our emotions, then we can determine how we choose to express our anger.
4. Anger is a secondary emotion. Some other emotion or thought process always comes before anger.
5. There are 12 different types of anger and most of us possess some, even many of them given different situations and periods in our lives.
6. We all possess a distinct behavioral style for dealing with the world and people around us.
7. There are ways for managing and controlling your anger in more effective and productive ways if you are willing to work at it.
8. It’s never too late to modify negative, destructive expressions of anger and replace them with optimal, acceptable alternatives.
9. The same simple rules for managing anger apply to everyone, equally to both males and females and even children.
10. It’s okay to laugh at yourself sometime. I’m Sure God probably does!
In a sentence or two what bothers you the most?
Before delving any further into this book, take a few minutes, or longer if you require to take a casual self-inventory of your own anger. Moreover, pay close attention to all the specific people, places, situations and things which contribute to your anger. List anything and everything you can think of no matter how foolish or absurd things may sound. Perhaps you are angry with God. You need to be honest with yourself.
Things that I get angry most at are...
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
* Hopefully, you haven’t had to count past 10! If so, don’t fret.
Now that you have listed your top 10 anger precipitators, compare them with the most common irritants people usually report as being their all-time triggers. As you look through the list, see if you can pick out a common theme.
Common Anger Triggers
1. spouse
2. children
3. co-workers
4. boss
5. traffic
6. rude people
7. dogs pooping on your lawn
8. bad weather (too much rain/snow)
9. governments/politicians
10. taxes
11. long line-ups
12. bad drivers
13. inflation
14. drunk people
15. gossipers
16. slow restaurant service
17. congested parking lots
18. messy kids/spouses
19. people who cheat
20. sports teams you root for who always lose
21. bad parents
22. rules which make no sense
23. racism/discrimination
24. TV/cable problems
25. bad Internet service
26. people who talk during movies
27. obnoxious sports fans
28. people who let you down
29. plans which fall through/disappointment
30. people who abuse the social assistance/support system
31. tardiness in others
32. self
33. when life treats you unfairly
34. stupidity
35. barking dogs
36. babies crying uncontrollably
37. hard to follow directions/instructions
38. people who smoke in your space
39. ban on smoking (for smokers)
40. people who stand too close or sit too close to you and invade your personal space
41. when someone wakes you up
42. telemarketers
43. door to door solicitors
44. when someone doesn’t listen