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Loving My Secret
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272 pages4 hours
Summary
Sometimes you have to say goodbye before you can give yourself the chance at hello...
For over a decade, Reina has waited for Matt to come back to her. She’s put up with his ridicule, his other women, and his lies. All because she’s loved him since she was a teenager. She’s not that girl anymore, and she’s done playing his games. She’s learned that love simply isn’t enough, and it’s time for her to walk away.
Fighting for another chance is harder than going to war...
Matt fell in love with Reina years ago, and has never truly wanted anyone else. He’s finally bared his soul—and his secrets—to her, but it’s too late to stop her from leaving. He’s going to have to fight for both of them, and prove that he can be the man they both need him to be.
When love isn’t enough, and the SECRETS keep coming, can they find a way to start over again?
Publisher: Crystal PerkinsReleased: Oct 10, 2015ISBN: 9781310153235Format: book
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Loving My Secret - Crystal Perkins
Author
About Loving My SECRET
Sometimes you have to say goodbye before you can give yourself the chance at hello…
For over a decade, Reina has waited for Matt to come back to her. She’s put up with his ridicule, his other women, and his lies. All because she’s loved him since she was a teenager. She’s not that girl anymore, and she’s done playing his games. She’s learned that love simply isn’t enough, and it’s time for her to walk away.
Fighting for another chance is harder than going to war…
Matt fell in love with Reina years ago, and has never truly wanted anyone else. He’s finally bared his soul—and his secrets—to her, but it’s too late to stop her from leaving. He’s going to have to fight for both of them, and prove that he can be the man they both need him to be.
When love isn’t enough, and the SECRETS keep coming, can they find a way to start over again?
Other books by Crystal Perkins
The Griffin Brothers series
Gaming For Love (The Griffin Brothers #1)
Building Our Love (The Griffin Brothers #2)
Creating A Love (The Griffin Brothers #3)
Learning To Love (The Griffin Brothers #4)
Designing The Love (The Griffin Brothers #5)
Working On Love (The Griffin Brothers #6)
Keeping Their Love (The Griffin Brothers #7)
Corrigan & Co. series
Fielding Her SECRET (Corrigan & Co., #1)
Devouring the SECRET (Corrigan & Co., #2)
Rocking a SECRET (Corrigan & Co., #3)
Lessons in SECRET (Corrigan & Co., #4)
Uncovering His SECRET (Corrigan & Co., #5)
Training the SECRET (Corrigan & Co., #6)
Inheriting a SECRET (Corrigan & Co., #7)
Tending Their SECRET (Corrigan & Co., #8)
Playing in SECRET (Corrigan & Co., #9)
Other books
Never Fear-Phobias Horror Anthology
(Chronophobia short story)
Publicly, The Corrigan & Co. Foundation has been supporting women for years. Secretly, five powerful women led by Jane Corrigan have recruited ten agents, sending them to rescue women and children in need, and take down those who exploit the weak. This secret society of women all have unique skills they’ve brought to the foundation. Additionally, they’ve all had training in weapons, etiquette, martial arts, technology, and languages. Helping out friends and family of their five mentors from time to time is something they were told to expect. What they didn’t plan for is falling in love.
About the Corrigan & Co. Foundation and the Society:
• Mitchell Corrigan created the Corrigan & Co. Foundation for his wife as part of his company ten years ago. He stipulated that the foundation would continue as long as there is a Corrigan woman to oversee it.
• Jane Corrigan, Cyndi Evans, Maggie Griffin, Mallory Daniels, and Helen Wilson are the founders of the secret society within the foundation. They focus on helping women and children, but take on other missions from time to time.
• While they assist government and private organizations on a regular basis, they only take referrals for private missions.
• Each founder has recruited, and mentors, two agents.
• The company was founded in Chicago, but has now moved to Las Vegas, where Mitchell was born. On his deathbed, he asked his grandson to move the company headquarters to help revive the economy in his hometown. There are satellite offices all over the world.
• Jane’s grandson, Matt, who is President and CEO of Corrigan & Co., knows of the society. His friends Nathan and Aiden, who he brought in when they all left the military, know as well. This was a decision by the five women when they needed help on a mission that went bad. They do not know all mission details, but help when they are asked. Jake Mason is now also part of the Corrigan security team, and aware of the Society.
Dedication
For everyone who fell in love with
Matt & Reina all those books ago.
Author’s Note
I first wrote about Reina and Matt 13 books ago. Olivia Griffin needed a reality check, and I decided to introduce Reina (who I knew would be in the new series) as the person to give it to her. And then I had a hot guy pull up on a Harley and verbally spar with Reina. I loved the two characters, and decided they would be the couple I wrote last in the new series. The one I couldn’t wait to read about myself.
I had no idea that everyone else would become just as obsessed with these two. I have been cursed, and told that I love to torture people, but you have to know that I was torturing myself, too. There were so many times that I wanted to just write their book, but I made myself wait along with all of you.
This book is different in format than all of the rest, so I wanted to explain it to you. The prologue (epilogue of Playing in SECRET) is like one in most mystery books. It’s not the beginning of the book, but rather a pivotal piece from later in the story. In that piece, you learn of emails that Matt wrote to Reina over the years.
For most of the book, you’ll see an email from Matt, and then a flashback from what he was talking about in either Reina’s (at the beginning) or Matt’s (at the end) POV. After that will be what’s going on in present day. I tried to relate the flashbacks to present day. I also needed them, because I wanted to know about their past—recent and years ago—and I think most of you will as well. I tried to line up the timeline as best I could based on the other books, so it should be accurate!
This is the fourteenth book I’ve written with these two in it, so thank you for sticking with them, and loving them as much as I do!
Prologue
Reina
Help,
I scream, someone please help us!
I clutch the sheet to myself as I crawl over to Matt. He’s covered in more blood than I am, but what’s on me isn’t mine. It belongs to the men I killed in order to stop them as they shot the man I love. The man who came for me, even when I thought he wouldn’t.
I try to stop the blood—the life—from seeping out of him, but it’s no use. There are too many wounds, he was shot too many times. Don’t die on me, Matthew Corrigan. Don’t you dare die on me.
Reina? Oh fuck,
Nate says from behind me.
Help me! We have to stop the bleeding.
Rei,
Aiden says softly, and when I turn to him, I see he’s given up on Matt already. Nate has the same look in his eyes.
"No. He’s not dead. He may be dying, but he’s not dead. He would never give up on either of you, so you fucking better not give up on him. Help me."
They’re immediately next to me on the ground, tearing off their t-shirts as I tear the sheet that’s covering me. I don’t even care about being naked underneath the small piece that’s left. I don’t care about anything, except for keeping Matt alive. If he dies, then the old me will die along with him. I’ll come back to this village, and this time, it will be for real.
The paramedics come in, and push us out of the way. And then they stop, and shake their heads. He’s alive,
I say, but they just look at me like I’m crazy, and right now, I probably am. I pick up a gun, and check it for bullets before pointing it at them. He. Is. Alive.
They spring into action, and start taking care of him. As they pull the gurney away, I start to follow them. The local police stop me when they see the gun in my hand, so I drop it and explain myself. I see the ambulance pulling away, and try to run after it, but I’m too late.
Come on, Rei, we’ll get you there,
Nate says.
We have something for you, too,
Aiden tells me.
No. Not yet, Aid.
Yes, Nate. It’s time.
The fuck it is. He’s going to live. Matt won’t give up, and I’m not giving up on him.
We have to be realistic. Even if he lives, it won’t be the same.
"He will live, but now you better give me whatever it is you think I need," I say, finally speaking up.
Nate looks at Aiden with a glare. You give her yours, because I’m not having that on me when he wakes up pissed.
She deserves it,
Aiden says, pulling his wallet out, and extracting a tiny envelope.
He hands it to me, and I see the word Princess
in Matt’s handwriting. Leave it to him to insult me even in written form. I open it as I get into the backseat of the Jeep Nate leads us to.
Reina,
If you’re reading this, I’m either dead, or close enough to it that Nate or Aiden felt it was the right time to give this to you. I wish I was brave enough to tell you the things you’re about to read, but I’m not. My two biggest regrets in life are pushing you away all those years ago, and doing the thing that made me push you away. What you’ll read will make you either hate me more, or love me more. Either way, I need you to understand something. I love you. More than any person on this Earth has ever loved another. I’ll love you even after I take my last breath, because life and death have no power over the love I feel for you. Hopefully what you find here will show you that:
Email address: thissoldierloveshisqueen@gmail.com
Password: the date we first met
Yours forever,
Matt
Give me a phone.
We may not have service,
Nate says.
Stop stalling me, and give me a damn phone or I’ll jump out of this Jeep and find someone else who will.
Aiden shares a look with Nate, and then hands me his phone. I bring up the browser, and almost cry when I see the two bars. I bring up Google, log Aiden out, and then log into the account Matt gave me. What I see brings those tears I was trying to hold back—thousands of emails, the last one dated yesterday. I go to the oldest page and see that the first one is from over eleven years ago. On the day that Matt broke my heart for the first time. I take a deep breath, and click on it, both hopeful and scared of what I’m about to learn.
Chapter 1
Reina,
I did something today. Something I don’t think I can live with. It was an accident, but that makes it even worse. I was with my unit when we were attacked, and I started shooting at everything, everywhere. And I hit him—I shot an innocent man. A man who has a family, a wife and two small children. I don’t know why he walked into that intersection when he had to have heard the guns. Maybe he thought he could help, even though he didn’t have a weapon. His wife said that he was a good man, one who was opposed to the war. I went to see her, and promised to provide for her and the children for the rest of their lives. I know it can’t make up for what I did, but I had to do something. She said she doesn’t blame me, but how can that be true? I killed her husband. I killed him. My CO says I need to stay quiet about it, that it would be bad press if it got out, but that’s not right. People should know. You should know. I can’t tell you, though. Not ever. I wouldn’t survive having you look at me like the monster I know I am. I’m not sure I’ll be able to survive living the rest of my life without you, but I have to. I can’t have you anymore. I don’t deserve happiness, and everything about you makes me happy. I’m going to break up with you. I have to. It’s going to break me, but I have no choice. I’ll never be able to call you My Beautiful Queen again, and I’ll never get to hold you or make love to you. Someone else will get to do those things while I stay away, and love you from afar. There will be no one else for me, because I’ve already had the best.
I love you,
Matt
* * *
Between eleven and twelve years ago…
I can’t wait to get home and check my email. Today is the day I get my email from Matt. He never misses a week, and I live for those words from him. I can’t wait until he can come home again—I’m going crazy waiting for him. Reading his emails, and knowing he’s missing me, too, is what keeps me going.
I rush through the door to the apartment Jane Corrigan put me in, and turn on my computer. I could’ve used one at the Foundation, but I like to be alone when I read the words of love Matt sends me. We don’t write anything scandalous, but our words are still intimate, meant only for each other.
I bring up my email, and smile when I see the email notification. The smile falls from my face as I read the words he’s written. No. This isn’t right. Matt loves me. He told me he loves me, and he’s said it in every email since he left. He wouldn’t want to see other women. He couldn’t. But it’s there on my screen, the letters blurring as I view them through my tears.
I think we should see other people. I’m sorry, Reina. It’s really not you. Take care of yourself, Matt.
I straighten my spine, and force myself to stop crying. I’m not some silly girl anymore. I’m a member of the Society, and I can get through this. Even though I know I’ll have to see Matt because of Jane, I’ll survive. If I mean so little to him, then I’ll make him mean nothing to me. I don’t know how, but I will
* * *
Reina
I’m practically skipping as I enter the Corrigan & Co. building. Last night, Matt finally admitted that he loves me. We made love for hours after that, and he let me sleep in while he got up to go into work. I should be able to catch him for lunch if I hurry.
One of the security guards stops me before I get on the elevator. Mrs. Corrigan, your husband asked me to have you meet him in his office once you arrived.
Thank you,
I tell him with a smile.
I take the elevator up, straightening my white sweater dress a little. It’s got a cowl neck and a long skirt, and I feel pretty, and feminine in it. I usually dress to intimidate, but today I just wanted to dress like a wife. A wife who’s loved.
Matt’s secretary waves me through, and I walk in prepared to molest my husband. That plan goes out the door when I see that he’s not alone. One of the Corrigan attorneys is standing at the side of his desk.
Hi,
I say looking at Matt, who won’t look back at me.
Hello, Reina. Are you ready to sign your life away, literally?
the lawyer asks.
Excuse me?
It’s been one year today. I have the divorce papers ready for you to sign. Matt’s done his part already.
You signed them?
I ask Matt. He doesn’t answer me, but I see it on his face. He did it. You signed.
Of course he signed. This was a marriage of convenience, after all. Here’s your pen.
I don’t remember my legs moving, but I’m all of a sudden standing next to him, holding my hand out. Convenient? No. Nothing about this past year has been convenient. Frustrating, hopeful, sad, fun, and sexy, but not convenient.
I take the pen and sign in all the places he tells me to. Congratulations. I just need to file these, and then there’s the waiting period, but you’ll be officially free of each other soon.
I drop the pen onto the floor, and walk out. I hear people greeting me, and I force myself to answer as I make my way to the Foundation. I manage to smile for Alex, and tell her I need a little time alone to go over some files. I walk at a normal pace to my office, but once I close the door, it’s all over.
I use voice controls to turn off the cameras, and listening devices, and then I sink to the floor. I scream and cry, and then I destroy. I throw our wedding picture into the wall, and then go to work on everything else. Everything but my desk. I need my computer. The rest of the office looks like a tornado came through, but it’s not enough.
I’m not enough, and now I know that I never will be. It’s time to do the only thing I can—take on the mission that will end my life. I’d never kill myself, but nothing’s stopping me from taking the one assignment that I should never even get close to. I was asked for help, but even the person asking knew I couldn’t personally help without putting myself at risk. Which is why it’s perfect for me now.
I email her, and then put everything in place. I’ll have one hour to get out of town before everyone realizes what I’ve done. I’m going to miss my friends, but I can’t stay here any longer. I can’t be here, watching Matt parade his women in front of me again. I let him fool me twice, and I have no one to blame but myself.
I put that smile back on as I seal my office and tell Alex I have an unexpected appointment. She doesn’t question the sunglasses on my face, even though I can tell she wants to. I make it out of the building and into my car without any problems, and then drive to the private airfield. It’s time for the end to begin, once and for all.
* * *
Matt
I’m on my third glass of Scotch when the alarm on my desk goes off. It’s a distress signal from the Society, and I’m running for the door before it ends its chime. I make it into the Foundation offices, and find chaos. I follow Alex into the conference room, only to notice that Reina isn’t there. My grandmother is in her place at the head of the table, and my stomach drops.
Where is Reina?
She’s gone. That’s what the alarm is for.
No. Oh God no. No. How can she be gone? She’s in charge.
She deactivated herself. She had it on a delayed timer, so it didn’t take effect until she was already too far away for anybody to go after her,
Ainsley says.
You have to know where she was when it deactivated.
Yes. She was in the air. My team is trying to find the plane, and they’re also trying to recover what they can from what’s left of her hard drive and email.
She destroyed her computer?
She destroyed her whole office. She broke everything that wasn’t bolted to the floor,
Faith tells me.
We’ve got something,
Ainsley says before I can ask any more questions. She’s looking down at her tablet, and all of a sudden there’s an email up on the screen.
It seems straightforward. A nun is asking for help because her convent is being threatened by a trafficker. Audrey stands up so fast that her chair topples over, which tells me there’s more to it.
No. Jane…no. She didn’t. Why did she go? Oh my God.
I don’t know, Audrey.
What is it? What’s wrong with Reina going on a mission? I know she’s out of practice, but she’s still tough.
My grandmother practically collapses into her chair before answering. What’s wrong is that the man who’s terrorizing the convent is the man we saved Reina from twelve years ago.
Saved her? What the hell are you talking about?
It’s Audrey who answers. I had just been recruited into what would become the Society when I met a woman on the bus. She was crying, and something drew me to her. I took her to a diner, and after getting her some food, she told me about her daughter. A beautiful girl who was taken by the Coyote who helped the family cross the border. They had paid him, but once he saw Reina, he wanted a different kind of payment.
Son of a bitch.
Yes he was. And is. Reina was the first official Society mission, and we got her out. She would never tell us if he raped her—.
He didn’t,
I blurt out. I was her first.
I guess I needed to know that, but then again, I really didn’t.
Sorry, Gram.
As I was saying, we got her out, but without killing him.
That’s my fault. I couldn’t do it. I should’ve done it,
Audrey says, looking like she’s going to break down.
It was everyone’s first mission. You got Reina out, and that is what’s important,
my grandma tells her.
"You know he was obsessed with her. If he sees her, he’ll do whatever he can to have
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