My Incredulous Journey: Healed from Spiritual Abuse by Ellen Wexford by Ellen Wexford - Read Online

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My Incredulous Journey - Ellen Wexford

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Introduction

After forty-four years of marriage, my husband announced, From now on you’ll be on your own because I will no longer be supporting you. This came from a man who had spent the past twenty-four hours in prayer and fasting, and said he was seeking God for some answers. The implication was God had told him to say that to me.

Shock hit me full force because I was at the time a sixty-two-year-old-woman without other means of support and I was standing in a house that was not yet paid for. I felt not only abandoned by my husband, but perhaps abandoned by the God whom I had loved and served since I was six years old. Confusion, pain, hurt, fear, and panic almost overtook me. God’s Word was the only thing that lifted me out of the pit of despair.

My Incredulous Journey is a story I did not want to write. I would have continued to push my story to the back of my mind if it had not been for God’s prodding. For many years people have said, You should write a book. I would laugh, but God kept reminding me there are people who need to know God will see them through even the darkest moments of life.

I was in my forties when I first heard a song titled Through It All. The words touched my heart with great force and have given me courage to keep going.

Ellen Wexford

Through It All

I’ve had many tears and sorrows

I’ve had questions for tomorrow

There’ve been times I didn’t know

right from wrong. But in every situation,

God gave me blessed consolation that

my trials only come to make me strong.

I thank Him for the mountains, I thank

Him for the storms He brought me through.

For if I never had a problem I wouldn’t

know that God could solve them. I’d

never know what faith in God could do.

Through it all, Through it all,

I’ve learned to trust in Jesus,

I’ve learned to trust in God,

Through it all, Through it all, I’ve learned to depend upon His Word.

Andre Crouch

Disclaimer

In writing my story, I have changed the names of the people and the locations to prevent unintentional embarrassment or pain to anyone mentioned in this book.

Author’s Note

Prior to reading My Incredulous Journey, I wish to set the scene. I have written details about my husband’s and my lives as a background for reading my book. Knowing our backgrounds will help the reader understand the foundations upon which our marriage was built and why our journey began with so many obstacles to overcome.

Blaine’s History

Blaine and I have known each other since we were in the same primary Sunday School Class at the Henderson Gospel Tabernacle in Henderson, Ohio. We both came from dysfunctional homes. Blaine was years younger than his next sibling.

Grace, Blaine’s mother, often mentioned that, as she began to have some freedom from the responsibilities of raising four little ones, she found she was expecting again. She once told me, Since I had to stay home with Blaine, I didn’t feel resentment when Dave was born two years after Blaine.

Blaine told me he felt rejection from his mother for his entire life and couldn’t remember her ever picking him up, or showing him affection.

My husband was 10 years old when his father, Frederick, left the family to marry a woman whom he met at the Spiritualist Church.

Both Frederick, and his new love, became Spiritualist Mediums and received the title of Reverends. His new wife had children of her own and Frederick abandoned his six children to take care of his new family. Blaine remembers attending a family reunion where his father introduced his new wife’s kids as his children, yet he ignored the ones he had fathered with Grace, his first wife.

Grace was involved in a church whose beliefs were different from Frederick’s and she wanted to make sure none of her children would be exposed to the teachings so contrary to hers.

By the time Frederick left his family, all but Blaine and Dave were living at home. All six of the children had witnessed Frederick’s physical and mental abuse of their mother.

Seldom did Blaine see his father after he left home. But on occasion, to present him with a birthday gift, or on holidays, Frederick would arrange to meet Blaine somewhere. During those visits, Frederick sometimes did what Blaine calls, mumbo jumbo. The mumbo jumbo was when Frederick used a penny to remove a wart, or blow a trumpet and utter words Blaine didn’t understand. Because of the warnings his mother had given him about the occult, Blaine was afraid of his father and never enjoyed visits with him.

Ohio winters were hard on the kids because they had no car and lived some distance from the bus line. Once the bus arrived at the stop closest to the church, they had another four block walk. This process took place every Sunday morning, Sunday evening, and every Wednesday for prayer meeting. This routine continued until, just before Blaine and I married, he was able to buy a car.

Church attendance, prayer, and Bible studies were at the top of Grace’s list. She sometimes followed the kids down the stairs reading the Bible to them as they left for school.

Although Grace’s teaching methods may have been unconventional, God honored His Word. Psalm 119:105 says, God’s Word is a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path. Psalm 119:11 says, Thy (God’s) Word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against Thee (God).

God’s Word became the light which guided the path for Grace’s children, and the words of scripture became engraved on their hearts. All six of Grace’s children grew up to be God loving, and God serving adults. Grace knew that by drilling her children with God’s Word, it would take root in their hearts and give them direction for their lives.

Sex education was not part of Grace’s agenda as she raised her children. This topic was something she never discussed except to say, I was a dutiful wife. In fact, as a teenager, Blaine knew nothing about the birds and the bees except what he’d picked up from hearing other kids talk. Before Blaine and I married, his older brother explained a few things about life to him. That was the extent of Blaine’s preparation for marriage.

Ellen’s History

My father, born in Greece, was 21 years older than my mother. Growing up in a household where there was such a vast difference in age, religion, and cultures was very difficult. Mother leaned toward the current trends of the United States. My father held on to many of the old world customs. Hepracticed the Greek Orthodox faith. My mother was a Methodist. My only sibling, Paul, and I were baptized in the Orthodox Church. On occasion, some of my father’s Greek friends came to visit. They drank Ouzo, and spoke in Greek. Since neither Paul, my mother, nor I spoke Greek, nor drank Ouzo, we were excluded during those visits.

My mother didn’t attend church during my early years. However, after listening to a weekly radio program from the Henderson Gospel Tabernacle, she decided to take Paul and me to the Tabernacle to attend Sunday school. She renewed her faith and began attending that church on a regular basis. I met Blaine there in Sunday school. When I was six years old, I made a personal commitment to the Lord. I thank God for the strong Biblical foundation I received at that church.

One Sunday, when I was in the first grade, my father decided going to church as a family was important, so he began going to the Tabernacle with us. Soon after, he had a personal encounter with the Lord and, as a result, completely changed his life style. For that I am thankful.

Along with my father’s conversion came a backup for my mother’s list of do’s and don’ts. In fact, he was much stricter than my mother had ever been. One of the don’ts for Paul and me was you are not allowed to play outside on Sunday. Instead, we had to take a nap so that we wouldn’t go to sleep during the evening service. Those services started at 7:30 p.m. and usually lasted until 9:00 p.m.

On Sunday’s, my father would reprimand us for doing a simple thing like sewing on a button, mending a ripped seam, or anything he considered to be working on the Lord’s Day. My child’s mind couldn’t figure out why cooking or doing dishes wasn’t considered work in my father’s eyes, but sewing on a button was. I could wear slacks only if I wore a skirt over them. The rules were endless.

By the time I reached high school, I’d already been so indoctrinated with the do’s and don’ts, I didn’t bother to ask if I could go to school functions. I knew that football, basketball, and other sporting events were off limits for me. Although my parents were faithful to attend church, they didn’t feel it necessary to attend everything at the church as Blaine’s mother had insisted.

My mother was sick most of the time, so the responsibility of running the household was put upon Paul and me. When we were