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One Flew Over the Care Home

Length: 125 pages1 hour


So, you’re wellbeing curious and seriously considering taking it up and maybe becoming a happier person with a better ‘functioning’ life?
May I therefore ask you a couple of easy to answer questions?
Thanks (I’m psychic and I know you said, “yes please!”
Question une: Does your husband or wife fancy the absolute hunk/superb babe next door (have you noticed the babe/hunk showing interest back to them?)
I can see the babe in my mind and I wish that she was my grandmother and that I was forty years older and she really had the hots for me. Are you smiling at that? If you are, that’s wellbeing/encefulness (and you’re obviously not a Christian or you would be screaming ‘sinner!’ at the page. Anyway, Christianity has done far worse than fancy their fit grans.
Question deux: If you have a wanker boy racer son, does he, when he gets out of bed, fancy your beloved car?
Question trois: Do you have relatives with a big garden who fancy your snazzy ride-on lawnmower?
You answered yes to them all?
Oh dear. On the bright side, I have just used something I learned at school all those years ago.

These people (waiting vultures) are going to have a field day with your gear a couple of months after you begin to use wellbeing. Your thought processes will begin to change as your conversation style begins to change. When people, especially family have problems you will try and help solve them by using words (alien to their ears) such as source energy, vibration, pre-paving, vortex.
Your attractive wife will confide in the ‘way too gorgeous’ hunk next door, who will be only too willing to listen and lend a strong shoulder to cry on; firemen are like that.
Assuming you’re a man, your beloved family (who love you more than words ... but they don’t really give a toss about words) will have a meeting and decide that you need help because you’re obviously messed up as you’re babbling about vibrational matches and choosing a better feeling thought; you aren’t normal, predictable, boring ‘George’ any more.
One night they will all get together (neighbours, family), overpower you and take you to the mental health centre where all the trays and cups have ASYLUM PROPERTY written on them. But, worry not ... no, worry like mad! The life as you know it i.e. being a slave is over; but isn’t that what you wanted? Isn’t wellbeing wonderful!?
There is one thing you shouldn’t worry about ... well, two actually. Your property, including your wife, will be taken very good care of; ok, your son will write your car off ... AND, waterboarding only takes place in care homes, in asylums they zap your brain with electricity and YOU get billed.

I took the liberty of writing you a little poem:

Coloured pills
For mind-sourced ills
Mmmmmmmmmmmmm, I feel all floaty
Crayons in a tin
For colouring in
Electric for the brain
If your mind’s in pain
OH! Free at last!
Volts 240 across your temples
Serve you right wellbeing man
For being un-normally mental(s)

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