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    The Big Bad Wolf Strikes It Rich! Fairy Tale Wall Street Memoirs
    The Big Bad Wolf Strikes It Rich! Fairy Tale Wall Street Memoirs
    The Big Bad Wolf Strikes It Rich! Fairy Tale Wall Street Memoirs
    Ebook108 pages1 hour

    The Big Bad Wolf Strikes It Rich! Fairy Tale Wall Street Memoirs

    By Nicole Russin-McFarland

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    About this ebook

    “Adults dissatisfied by manufactured children’s literature, rejoice! The impish satirical tale of The Big Bad Wolf Strikes It Rich! Fairy Tale Memoirs is The Art of the Deal written by Red Riding Hood’s nemesis and it’s all sorts of brilliant.” — Essex Magazine, giving a very wolfy compliment

    The Big Bad Wolf isn’t who you think he is. For starters, he has a legal name – Aladdin Todd Jackson – and from the time he meets the magical genie trapped in a recycled energy drink can, he embarks on a grand, wolfy Wall Street adventure. In stories based on Grimm’s Fairy Tales and European folklore with a modern Manhattan twist, come along as this luxury loving wolf with a heart of gold beneath his scary teeth learns lessons about business and real life.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherLucky Pineapple Books
    Release dateNov 17, 2017
    ISBN9781386718659

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      Book preview

      The Big Bad Wolf Strikes It Rich! Fairy Tale Wall Street Memoirs - Nicole Russin-McFarland

      Chapter 3

      Aladdin and the Magic Soda Pop Bottle Lamp

        What can I say? Years ago, I was infamous. The media gave me the nickname of The Big Bad Wolf when I was on trial for a triple homicide; I was falsely accused of murdering three pigs! My real name is Aladdin Todd Jackson, for your information. Every night, the news shows had guests arguing about my legal problems. A female TV host called me a wolf in sheep's clothing. I don't think so. I only wear Armani. Because I had money and looks, I was unfairly portrayed as a bad guy.

      The judge said he did not have enough evidence to convict me. The only evidence against me was a single note. It read, I will huff and puff and blow your house down if you aren't my BBQ sandwich tomorrow. My lawyer presented receipts from the past six months. Did I do it? Of course…not! My defense showed how I only eat at vegetarian restaurants, and an expert showed it wasn't my handwriting! As if I would eat a messy pulled pork sandwich!? I eat at five star Italian restaurants. Usually veggie pasta, hold the Parmesan. I digress.

      With my name in the clear, I thought of several career moves. Originally, I thought I could become famous for being famous. A wolf’s gotta earn a living. I released a song. I recorded my own version of Hungry Like the Wolf. It flopped because Justin Bieber had released his remake first, six months ago to be exact. Then, oh boy, I lost a movie audition because the movie director said, You don't look enough like a wolf.

      But I am a wolf, I argued! I flashed him my teeth as proof. He said I just had horrible dental work.

      The media followed me everywhere. I couldn't go eat a salad without being photographed. Cameras once swarmed me as I lunched at The Ivy. I couldn’t buy wolf cleaning supplies anywhere. Do you know how humiliating it is getting caught in pajama pants printed with ice cream cones? Photographers hid behind bushes, ready to snap photos of me should I eat a pig with one bite!

      Everything was blown out of proportion in the tabloids. When I had a bad meal, I told a rude waiter, You’re a pig. He sold his story to a reporter. The article said, The Big Bad Wolf hates pigs! No, I don't. I hate the men who act like pigs. Before long, a British tabloid accused me of wolfing down a pig in Essex. I couldn't escape the bad publicity. Was I really made for a career in entertainment? I had spent all my money on legal fees. I was desperate.

      Depressed, I spent my days being turned down at auditions, surfing, and shopping with the money I still had on Rodeo Drive until I pied my debt up to the ceiling. When debt collectors began harassing me after I quit paying my credit card bills, I opened my back teeth so wide, you could see my uvula. It did the trick.

      One afternoon, I discovered a magic, glowing soda bottle in a dark alley. I think it was diet. Maybe a Red Bull? I knew it was magic because when I kicked it with my shoes, a voice said, Be careful! Huh?

      The voice told me, Rub the bottle. I am a genie. I will grant you three wishes! I was confused. No, ill! First, I thought genies were trapped inside lamps. Also, I was hearing voices and seeing weird lights, which meant I ate too much ice cream. I wanted to walk away, but the voice said, I can give you a career! I will give you a good reputation! Your wish is my command!

      How do I know you won't escape from the bottle and never help me? I've been burned out by too many Hollywood agents. Your business deal seems weird. What's in it for you? How come you aren't in a lamp? A soda bottle is a little tacky, and on top of that, generic energy soda, come on, I told him.

      The genie replied, I am freed from my bottle when your third wish is granted. My original lamp was sold at Sotheby's, therefore, I was evicted into this diet orange soda bottle. Uh, yeah, Red Bull stuff. My name is Patrick.

      I asked the genie another question, Patrick!? Aren't genies from Saudi Arabia?!

      Patrick explained, Yea, I am from Saudi Arabia. I changed my name when I moved to the United States in 1897. Stop wasting time. Either you rub my lamp for three wishes, or you can go away. I rubbed the lamp.

      A cloud of purple smoke appeared, then, whoosh, Patrick appeared beside me. I wish I lived in New York City. I am tired of my life in Hollywood. Give me a job as a news reporter. What is the of the television show in the morning? I want to work there! I told Patrick.

      Within a second, I coughed as the smoke transported me in front of an audience.

      Welcome to The Big Bad Wolf Morning News Show! I said automatically. The audience cheered. Everything was perfect until I ate a slice of cake during the cooking segment. When I showed my teeth, the audience ran away, horrified I was a real wolf.

      You're fired, a man told me.

      Thanks a lot! I yelled.

      Patrick said, You were not specific. You asked me to give you a job. Your wish must be precise. Do you want to marry a beautiful princess?

      I was upset. I told him, No! I am unemployed! I am a dumb wolf. Nobody likes me. I wish I were someone else! Oh, no! I made a wish. When the purple smoke dissolved, I saw that I was a pink rabbit.

      Look at the baby bunny! She’s dancing! a girl said. I was a ballerina. This was awful. I ran off the stage. When I looked in the mirror, I cried.

      A man told me, My dancers don't cry. You're fired!

      I was a pink rabbit, and I was still hopelessly unemployed. In my reflection, I saw the genie behind me. I yelled, You are a horrible person! I did not mean what I said! Correct your mistake!

      The genie made me a wolf again. I wish I had money, I said. The genie escaped from his bottle. I thought he had left for good.

      There is a coin on the floor! Patrick said. He picked up the penny. Here you go, he said. "You can have the penny. You have money now! Well, it seems that your three wishes were granted. I gave you a free fourth wish when you wanted to become a wolf again. Have a good day. I'm off to buy a hamburger. I'm starving.

      I was alone. I did not have any money in my pocket. The genie was going to buy himself lunch. I could not afford to buy one potato. I didn't have any friends. My parents disowned me. Nobody spoke to me after I was accused of murder. I did not have a place to live. I wished I had never met the genie. He made me believe in impossible dreams. The truth is, if it sounds too good to be true, it is. A quick fix doesn't exist.

      I walked into a restaurant. I need a job, I said. I had tears in my eyes.

      Then put on the apron and start scrubbing the dishes! the chef said. Before you can say hired, I was once again, you guessed it: fired. I broke a plate with my claw.

      You're fired! the chef said. I was getting fired everywhere. How was I going to make money? I needed a sign. Then, I hit my head in a stop sign when I walked into it. Ouch!

      Are you okay? My name is Dahlia, a flamingo asked me.

      I was fired three times today, and a genie lied to me! I'm broke! I'm homeless! I have a bad reputation! People believe I murdered and ate three pigs! I am a vegetarian! I cannot afford to eat! I screamed.

      Dahlia looked at me. You must have many talents. You should use your skills to make money, she told me. She explained, "I heard a legend about a magic place. Money trees grow in the soil. I

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