Sexual Bliss in Your Marriage for Every Married Couple and Those Going for Honeymoon

Copyright 2012 Revd. Canon Joseph Ofoegbu.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written prior permission of the author.

Scripture references are from King James and New King James Versions

isbn: 978-1-4669-6696-3 (sc)

isbn: 978-1-4669-6698-7 (hc)

isbn: 978-1-4669-6697-0 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012920549

Trafford rev. 11/07/2012

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Forward

Author

Acknowledgement

Dedication

Chapter One

My Concern For Todays Society

Chapter Two

Sex And What The Bible Says About It

Chapter Three

Biblical Illustration Of Marital Love Between Married Lovers

Chapter Four

Sexual Foreplay

Chapter Five

Fifty Mistakes Husbands Make Before, During And After Sexual Encounters

Chapter Six

Fifty Mistakes Women Make Before, During And After Having Sex

Chapter Seven

Honeymoon Sex Advice

Chapter Eight

Sexual Positions And Its Importance In Marriage

Chapter Nine

How To Ignite The Female Orgasm And The G Spot

Chapter Ten

Eighteen Sexual Laws For Every Woman To Obey To Sexually Satisfy A Husband In Bed

Chapter Eleven

Sexual Positions To Get Pregnant With A Baby Boy Or Girl

Chapter Twelve

Uncovering The Secret Of Sensual Massage Touch

References

Websites Sited

Forward

Sex has been a sacred and secret subject especially in Africa. It is hardly mentioned, not to talk of it being discussed even among legitimately married couples. Many go into marriage without knowing exactly what to do and how to do it. Many others know what to do and how but without taking advantage of the romance that spice sex and the diverse approaches to sex.

Taking undue advantage of the fear of discussing sex, many suffer sexual dissatisfaction in silence without seeking counsel or knowing where to seek out expert advice. Sadly, no one is left out in the pain and anguish in sexual failure. The pastors (married or not married) are all affected directly (if they are married) or indirectly (if they are not married). Affected couples are just barely managing their relationships, while they pass on aggression on the larger society.

Revd Joseph in Sexual Bliss in your Marriage notes that most of marital dissatisfactions are sexual dissatisfactions or failures. He has provided tips for reactivating marriages that have failed or are failing in this aspect.

Sexual Bliss in your Marriage is a book for every married couple that wishes to keep their marriage fresh and sexually active from the honeymoon till death separates them. The book acknowledges that the major problem of couples is traceable to sexual failure. It notes that an inactive sex life could lead to frustration in the partners resulting to anger, quarrelling, fighting, depression and all other forms of emotional imbalances.

Sexual Bliss in your Marriage is strictly for the legally married and abhors all illegal sexual activities which often result to disease and the flight of the spirit of God in people leading to untimely death.

The book is a must read for young couples who may fearlessly express their love for one another and for older couples whose sexual life may be waning. Priests, Pastors and Bishops may also find the book useful for counselling of families who have sexual problems or wish to improve on their sexuality for a happy home.

Humanity owes Rev. Can. Joseph Ofoegbu gratitude for delving into this sacred and secret subject.

Joseph Nashakyaa

NITT, ZARIA, KADUNA STATE

Author

Revd. Canon Joseph Chileakam Ofoegbu hails from Umuaguegbe Umuofor Egbu Autonomous Community in Owerri North L.G.A of Imo State. He is a graduate of Theological College of Northern Nigeria (T.C.N.N.) Bukuru, Jos and Alvan Ikoku Federal College of Education, Owerri (B.D, NCE) and holds a Master’s Degree in New Testament Studies (M.A) from University of Jos, Plateau State. Nigeria. He is currently pursuing a Doctoral Degree in Theology (Ph.D.) at South African Theological Seminary, Rivonia Johannesburg in South Africa.

He is an ordained Clergyman in the Anglican Communion, and works with Diocese of Bauchi, Jos Province. He is the Anglican Youth Fellowship (AYF), and Anglican Corpers Fellowship of Nigeria (ACFON) Chaplain, a renowned member of Scripture Union (S.U) Nigeria and Evangelical Fellowship in the Anglican Communion (EFAC). He is the former Project Coordinator of Diocesan Action Committee on HIV/AIDS (BDACA), Diocese of Bauchi. He preaches in Seminars and Conferences in different parts of Nigeria.

He is married to Mrs. Grace Onyinye Ofoegbu and they are blessed with a son Divine Favour Mmesoma and a daughter Angel Chimamanda.

For questions, Seminars, Conferences and Counseling Sessions, contact, Revd. Canon Joseph Chileakam Ofoegbu on +2348063873215, or e-mail: revdjoeofoegbu@yahoo.com or on Facebook and Twitter.

Acknowledgement

To God belongs all the glory for his grace, time, strength, enablement and energy given to me to finally and successfully finish my maiden book that I hope will bring joy, healing and refreshment to married couples after a five years research work.

I wish to acknowledge all the writers from different websites where some documentaries were taken and inspirations received. May God bless you all!

From my home, my wife, Mrs Grace Onyinye Ofoegbu was supportive to me during the period of my research and writing. Thanks for her encouragement and support. I also appreciate the care and understanding of my two children, Divine-favour Mmesoma and Angel Chimamanda during the days of my absence at home. May God bless and grant them his everlasting blessings.

Thanks to Marvellous Edeh who typed all the work. My thanks goes to the families of Dr (Mrs) Susan Ojomo of UNICEF Bauchi State Office, Mr and Mrs Ikechukwu Okolo (Sinco Aluminium), Mr and Mrs Emeka Orakwelu (Oraks Aluminium), Rev. & Mrs Godfrey Ofornyili, Mr Ifeanyi Okwonkwo from Zaki-biam in Benue State and Mrs M. Aniegbulam from Nigerian Air Force Base, Makurdi for their financial supports. Thanks also to my Diocesan Bishop, Rt. Rev. Musa M. Tula and all my clergy friends who encouraged me to continue in this book production. Mrs Ngozi Ereaku was a mother indeed to me in Bauchi. May God bless you all!

I shall not forget Prof. and Mrs C. Akueshi who supported and accommodated me at Jos during the days of my studies and research. To Prof. Danny MCcain who supervised my Master’s Thesis at University of Jos from where the extract of the book is taken and encouraged me to publish.

Finally, I am grateful to Mr Joseph Nashakyaa who edited the book and wrote the forward. To all my friends so innumerable to mention by name and well-wishers are hereby acknowledged. May God bless them all!

DEDICATION

This piece of writing is dedicated to my parents, Late Mr. Daniel Nlemdiuba and Mrs. Roseline Adarema OFOEGBU who gave birth to me and suffered to train me, and to my dear wife, Mrs. Grace Onyinye Ofoegbu, my co-worker in the Lords vineyard, who shares the same vision and to my two children. To God be all the glory.

I pray for many more years for them to live and eat the fruits of their labours.

CHAPTER ONE

MY CONCERN FOR TODAYS SOCIETY

This world created by God is the best place to live. It is full of good things before sin entered and bad things came in through the devil. Many are enjoying for good, others are waiting for it while evil is coming to some without expecting it. What shall I tell this present generation of married people, and what shall be my message to this generation of couples who are daily praying, and crying with a lot of bitterness and hatred between themselves! The love which attracted them at the beginning seems to be missing. Many do not know what to do with sexual intercourse again, some are already bitter towards their spouses. Some are no more talking to each other; others are angry with themselves and are indifferent to their partners without telling them the cause or source of their anger.

In some homes, the men hardly touch their wives again in terms of sexual relations. Women in some quarters engage in new relationships outside their marriage vows for their sexual satisfaction. Some marriages have seen sex and nicknamed it as outdated, old, and not enjoyable, a problem, and other terms that are beyond explanation in this book. Some have gone outside the marriage bed to look for satisfaction outside. This is a great problem I see in many homes, and the problem is summarized that sexual union which is a gift of God to married couples to be enjoyed by all through their lives have become a problem in a lot of homes. Majority of married couples have problem of sex with their marriages due to one reason or the other as we shall find out in this book.

Looking at the story of a family, one can denote the idea behind many family problems. A man who had a wife and children one day faced a family problem. The man quarreled with his wife about sex at night. The following morning the woman send her daughter to buy sugar for tea, when she was entering the house on her way back, she met the father who collected the sugar, matched on it saying your mother says nobody should enjoy sweet things in this house, so no sweet sugar for tea. This was a reaction to the action of the wife as night. Can you imagine such a decision it may be so with many homes. They have problems and do not know who to share their problems with.

In addition, many who are about to marry do not know what to expect during honeymoon, how to satisfy each other or how to treat each other in an affectionate way to maintain the real and complete love needed in a home. The love that was started diminishes soon after marriage is consummated. It should not be so. This book attempts to proffer solution to the problem.

Sexuality is one of the topics that attract a lot of attention both in the religious and secular circles in Nigeria and the entire world in general. The problem of sexuality and its neglect in our society cannot be over emphasized. Preachers, youth workers, academic scholars and religious priests have at one time or the other tried to carry out research on some aspects of sexuality.

Sex is a good thing to practice between lovers. It is not bound to take place in a single position of the man staying on top of the wife always. There are a lot of positions available for the enjoyment of the couple. Many people think practicing sex is dirty. This is not right. Who created sex? It is God who created it, he gave it to us to enjoy. It was his divine will that sex should be practiced in marriage relationship. If so, why then do we not satisfy each other for that is his will and wish for us as his children? Varying sexual positions are not just for prostitutes.

It is what we are to enjoy which we have neglected that the devil has converted to cheat Gods people and use the same in immorality to deceive children of God into a lot of temptation. Why should those in the world enjoy the gift of God while we the bonalfide members reject it? Children of God must change their mentality and be the best of what God wants them to be. This book can be used for academic research, spiritual renewal and physical romantic exploration.

THE PROBLEM: The present day Church is experiencing a lot of problems and concern about human sexuality and HIV/AIDS among our youths, the married, and the Christian community in general. Recently in Rome, a Television media reported a lot of sex scandal of Catholic priests who have not been punished for sexual abuse of children over the past years, which has brought some kind of accusation to the leadership of the Catholic Church. According to a news broadcast by British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) on the 26th of March 2010, "Pope Benedict XVI is being accused of not reacting to the case of punishing paedophile priests who abused 200 deaf boys in Ireland¹, including other cases of silence not being attended to". These events might have taken place as a way of easing sexual tension from these elderly men. In many of our newspapers today, there are several cases of sexual abuse to young boys and girls in villages, towns and churches. There are traffickers who specialise in trafficking girls abroad for prostitution. Many victims of sexual rape and assault are recorded in war zone. Some higher institution students cry of sexual harassment from some lecturers in exchange for grades. Which one shall we leave out? Homosexuality and gay marriage unions are gradually having a grip on the society. Some many problems are coming from sexual sins. This is not a matter to be neglected. All people should put their hands together for a solution.

The Bible gave a clear view of God concerning sexual relationship both before marriage, during marriage and after marriage. In addition, we have come to find the monster of HIV/AIDS killing many of our youths and adults due to involvement in ungodly activities related to sexuality.

Today new views and teachings are coming up in disregard and compromise to the teachings of God about sexuality. Strange practices like same sex marriage and other perverse sexual relationships abound. These developments have led many people astray especially the adolescents who are growing up with lack of parental guidance. It is also making many churches struggle and battle between following the standard of the scriptures on sexuality and legalizing same sex marriages in our churches.

Today, some states in the United States of America have passed bills legalizing same sex marriage. A country like Brazil has passed the same bill for their nation making gay pride and marriage an accepted norm in their country. Many more nations are struggling with such a monster. Another good example is the Anglican Communion whose unity had been distorted and Church of Africa severing their communion with the see² at Canterbury due to the issue of same sex marriage being supported by some Dioceses in the West. This eventually led to the formation and organization of Global African Future Conference (GAFCON) which was a gathering of about 100 African, Asian, and South American Bishops who agreed to gather at Jerusalem in Israel in 2008 to declare and resist under a oneness of heart and faith any liberalism and western influence of legalizing same sex marriage in the Anglican Communion³. The Church of Nigerian Anglican Communion has led so many in the

The former Primate, Archbishop and metropolitan of all Nigeria, Archbishop Peter Akinola said about the GAFCON Conference;

There must be "unavoidable realignment in the communion to rescue the communion from where we are . . . . We have in mind a situation in which those who share the same view in some way that those who are together here will figure out how to move forward.

In a speech, he said that many in the church were apostates who were going against their religion by tolerating homosexuality. All these things happening are a departure from the faith as earlier prophesied in the scriptures by Apostle Paul saying:

Therefore, God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurities for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie . . . Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts, and even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way, the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion. (Rom.1:24-27).

Meanwhile, the society in general is experiencing the general problem of sexuality, poor interest in wives, and sexual promiscuity and HIV/AIDS among youths. Many have sexual problems in their married homes and they are covering same because they think there is no solution to it.

Furthermore to the problem outlined earlier, the church and society is facing the problem of wrong use of sexuality. Some of the youths who go to churches get involved in premarital sex that has led to a lot of unwanted pregnancies. Some husbands and their wives are infected with HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted infections. Some men are fond of engaging in extra marital affairs even though they know the standard of God’s word that what they are doing is to the detriment of their soul. In addition, the society today is moving towards marketing sex as a normal way of life irrespective of religion. Pornography and sex books are being displayed in many places of attraction. The use of internet and the cell phones to save pictures and motion films of naked people are common among the young people of our generation.

Some believers in God today are being deceived that sex is not good; some see it as avoidable in marriage. Some people think that they are free to engage in any sexual activity like homosexuality, bestiality, and pedophilia, because it is a natural urge in husbands that need to be satisfied in addition to the husband and wife relationship. Some men do not believe men can enjoy sexual relationship with women, rather with fellow man (homosexuality) or woman to woman (lesbianism). These are heresies. Some churches in the western part of the world and even in some quarters in Africa have moved to the extent of conducting homosexual marriages in the name of Christianity. Indeed, these problems need to be corrected with the sound teaching of the Word of God; otherwise our generation shall be awaiting destruction as in the case of Sodom and Gomorrah. Sex is not only a problem to the married but also to the unmarried.

Throughout this book, it is hoped that the standard of God’s word on male-female sexuality is upheld. The reader will appreciate how and why they should enjoy legal sexual union in their marriages.

As a pastor in the ministry especially during several marriage counseling, I have come to realize that if there are hundred problems in a home between husbands and wives, the problem most of the times on the average usually originate from the bedroom. The issue of sexual dissatisfaction is hidden and it is often covered by some statements. Most reasons I hear from men and women who have problems among themselves are usually as follows;

42407.jpg    My husband does not bring or give me money for food again.

42412.jpg    My husband comes back late in the night after sleeping with other women

42417.jpg    My husband pursues women outside leaving me alone at home with the children.

42421.jpg    The food does not have taste anymore.

42425.jpg    The man does not stay at home, he prefers going out with his friends.

42429.jpg    My husband has not touched me for a long time.

42433.jpg    He refuses me whenever I approach him for sex.

42437.jpg    My wife does reject my advances to him always.

42441.jpg    My wife always complains of other men doing it better.

42445.jpg    My wife needs sex more than I can give him.

42449.jpg    My husband does demand sex more often as if sex is the only thing he cares about.

42453.jpg    My wife brings men to the house without my permission.

42457.jpg    He does not eat my food again at home.

42462.jpg    I use to see condoms in his pocket or cars anytime he comes back home late.

42466.jpg    It has been weeks or months since we met last.

42471.jpg    My wife usually complains of weakness anytime it comes to sex.

When these matters are sincerely investigated, it is usually discovered that there had been a spiritual breakdown in the home and the couple’s sexual life has developed some problem. If questions are thrown further about the state of their sex life, surprise answers will emerge. These type of complains and others are mostly noticed from wives who have problems with their husbands at home. Most of these family problems if properly investigated originate from the break in the sexual life of couples from the bedroom.

If the spiritual and sexual relationship of a couple is healthy, the marriage will be healthy in its entire ramification because there is a healing and satisfaction that comes from a healthy spiritual and sexual life between couples. If there is problem in a couple’s spiritual and sexual life, the physical and spiritual unity between the husband and the wife will not be complete. Sex is one of the gifts given and created by God that unites the body, the soul and the spirit. Sex has the ability to heal relationships in a set-up of love relationship. No wonder husbands can give love to get sex while women can give sex to get love. The two go together.

In Christian marriage, the two people are expected to be one in body (sex), soul (ideas and emotions) and spirit (spiritual focus). For this reason a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife and the two shall become one flesh (Gen.2:24). Without agreement in the unity of the flesh, there is a divine law that is broken. God himself supports oneness in body for a husband and wife. Show me a happy man or woman in his or her marriage, and I will show you a couple that their spiritual and sexual life is healthy.

Meanwhile, many books have been written about sexual relations in marriage. Most of these books were written by Western authors with western background and culture. I believe it is time for African theology and contextualization be enhanced in its total ramification. I am an African writing from Africa background.

Contextualization of the gospel in an African way and dealing with cultural issues with African methods and settings posed one of the reasons behind this book. Western influence, books, ideas and technology had captured the African race for long. I believe that Africans have come of age to contribute their quota to the development of the world, so that others can learn from them too. We as Africans have everything it takes to make our marriages sweet. We most of the times depend on what we see and hear from the whites. The embargo on seeing sexual education and discussion as a taboo in African homes too should be broken.

Prostitution, pornography and sex filmography have their origin from the western world. Most sexual films labeled as blue films are mostly from the western world. Most cases of homosexuality, bestiality and others do trace their roots from there. Some blacks have joined in such illegal lifestyles recently. Is there anything the whites have in their body that the Africans do not have in terms of teaching the way to enjoy our bodies. Sex can be learnt if the parties concerned are ready to corporate. Most of the foreign books are written from the positive perspective while some are negative. It is time we develop an African perspective that God had endowed us with natural urges that can be converted towards building a strong home in Africa. This book is geared towards changing the mentality of couples that God had put wonderful things in humans and has given humanity a good gift that couples should enjoy.

Furthermore, in Nigeria, issues of sex in early African society were respected. Unwanted pregnancy was generally disgraced and punished by societal norms. If in the case of incest or adultery are noticed, such people concerned are either killed, banished or giving a disgraceful work to do. Before a person marries, he or she passes through some stages of adulthood ceremony to prepare such people for the new life in the family. They are taught about the cultural believes and roles of men or women. There were less cases of sexual perversion then than now. What we are seeing in our present day society is different.

Today, do you notice that some husbands and women go into committing adultery with prostitutes at ease, others keep concubines outside their marriage homes without the society reacting to such, because they think their wives at home are old fashioned and cannot perform to satisfy them again. Some say they need new discoveries with younger wives. It is a believe that young girls or ladies can bring joy sexually in homes than the old ladies who are married for some times earlier. Some even go ahead to say that the sexual organ of their wives have slacked.

I remembered having a short discussion with a friend who was a Muslim in one of the days we were chatting together. The question was why he chooses to marry more than one wife. His reason was that one woman would not be enough to satisfy him sexually. To him, there are some conditions that the woman may be that will make him need