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The Musings of Dessie Twelvetrees: From school to stage

125 pages2 hours


It's 1970 and Desmond Twelvetrees leaves school with no qualifications and no hope. His loose-legged, man-hungry mother, Beryl, forces him towards the AEC factory where buses and lorries are assembled. It doesn't take long for everyone to realise that Desmond is indeed a twerp. In desperation, Desmond joins the works drama club, dreaming of becoming the first mixed-race James Bond. To everyone's surprise, Desmond can act and, despite having naughty thoughts about Sheila, the drama club's organiser, he becomes the stand-out pupil.

This part of Desmond's diary, found after Desmond's premature demise, takes us through his early acting year of auditions, TV ads, soft porn snatches, and touring the country in a play he doesn't really understand. A good-looking boy in the seventies, he loses no time in casting his net at good-looking females under seventy and, for the most part, now using his stage name Dessie, he manages to catch a few - with some mishaps and embarrassing moments.

Dessie is soon on his way to becoming that bloke on the telly that no-one remembers.

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