A Fix for the Family Rift Caused by Addiction
By Evelyn Leite
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About this ebook
The dysfunctional family can be restored and become a healthy family. Evelyn Leite's book is complete with explanations and responses you can take to help your family thrive. Each chapter offers clear, concise, and compassionate information providing genuine hope for the family that's been commandeered by addiction.
Evelyn Leite
Evelyn Leite has been in the addiction and mental health profession for 35 years and has a private practice, Living With Solutions. She also founded a non-profit corporation, A Center For Training And Restoration. She is an author and she holds workshops nation wide which are devoted to teaching individuals and families about mental health and addiction, much of her work is trauma related with men and women who have been abused . Because her work as a humanitarian has been widely recognized she was installed in the SD Hall of Fame in 2008. Her work has included founding a youth center in Ft Pierre, SD, helping establish a women’s shelter in Pierre, SD, and helping to establish the Hope Center , a day shelter for the homeless in Rapid City, SD. Currently she is finishing a 4th memoir. Much of her work is a personal story of family abuse that asks a key question: How does a loving father turn into an alcoholic verbal abuser? And why am I just like him? Addiction, pain, and healing are outlined in a manner that will be more than familiar to those raised under similar conditions; but the difference in these memoirs lie in the focus on how Evelyn Leite chooses to survive her circumstances and rise above them. Her evolving perception of both of her parents is one of the highlights presented as Leite grows older: "I just look at them, my parents, so far removed from the reality of my life, so unaware of the aching, agonizing, humiliating pain I live with...so unbelievably ignorant."
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A Fix for the Family Rift Caused by Addiction - Evelyn Leite
What Others Say:
There are those people who God brings into our lives to teach us how to be better human beings—Evelyn Leite has been that to not only me, but hundreds, possibly thousands of others. As a friend, a therapist, a mother, a sister, an aunt and a daughter she has been an invaluable example of strength, courage, compassion and understanding. Through her gift of sharing openly and honestly, she has taught us all about love, faith, vulnerability, fear, anger, perseverance, starting over, and most importantly, truth. She is the definition of one who not only talks the talk; she has certainly and continues to walk the walk. I personally cherish time spent in her presence. At many dark places in my life, God's light and love shining through her has been the beacon of hope I needed.
Cindy
Read additional testimonies from Evelyn’s clients . . .
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Evelyn M. Leite, MHR, LPC
A Fix for the
Family Rift Caused
by Addiction
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Fix for the Family Rift Caused by Addiction
Third book in the Blood, Sex and Tears series.
Published by: Living With Solutions, PO Box 9702, Rapid City, SD 57709 Copyright 2018 © by Evelyn M. Leite, MHR, LPC
All rights reserved. No part of this manual may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information and retrieval system without express written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review.
Due to the dynamic nature of the internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have been changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely the views of the author.
ISBN: 13: 978-1-7335409-0-2
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Disclaimer
This book is designed to provide information about the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher and authors are not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional services. If legal or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional should be sought.
Every precaution has been taken in the development of this book to bring you accurate and up to date information. However, there may be mistakes both typographical and in content. Therefore, this text should be used only as a general guide and not as the ultimate source for improving family relations.
The purpose of this manual is to educate and enlighten. The author and publisher shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any person or entity with respect to any loss or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by the information contained in this book. The author assumes no responsibility for any liability resulting from the use of the information contained in this book.
If you do not wish to be bound by the above, you may return this book to the publisher for a full refund.
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Table of Contents
Foreword
Introduction
You Can Endure or You Can Thrive
The Resolution is Not Simple
A Parent Willing to Grow and Learn Can Help
Be the Change You Want to See
So Many Problems Crying Out for Solutions
Parents Don’t Always Know They are Abusive
We Must Understand Our Children
Approaching the Children
Traditions and Rituals
Remembering the Past
Visiting Your Child with Guilt
Shame and its Consequences
Punishment Does Not Bring About Change
Inventory Your Relationships
Blaming the Friends
Resentment
Take Time to Learn About Self Esteem, Setting Boundaries, Detachment, and Tough Love
Resist Abuse
Communication is Vital to Good Relationships
Passive Aggressive Behavior
Share Your Feelings
Communicate By Listening
Attitude Makes the Difference
Develop an Attitude of Gratitude
Avoid Negative Thinking
Develop Maturity
Feelings, Facts and Opinions
Communicate, Validate, Associate, Commiserate, Commendate and Touch
Develop a Healthy Family
Epilogue
About the Author
Other Books by Evelyn Leite, MHR, LPC
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FOREWORD
I’ve spent years in my own recovery from addiction and codependency and it has been necessary for me to learn the lessons of recovery the hard way. By working the twelve-steps of Al-anon and Alcoholics Anonymous, I found freedom from emotional and spiritual worthlessness. My perfectionism and a distorted reality caused by fear and avoidance, created much chaos and discord in our family. In the beginning developing a healthy family seems impossible, much easier just to pretend that everything is fine
or place the blame on someone or something else. Even if there is no addiction in your family this book, will change your life.
God bless you and all your efforts.
Evelyn Leite, MHRLPC
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INTRODUCTION
Many parents adore their children and are completely frustrated by the difficulty of knowing how to raise them. Some parents come from families where an addiction to food, work, sex, drugs or alcohol was a dominant factor in their early family life. It is quite difficult to be a good parent if the parenting one received was abusive, neglectful, or careless or if a child was forced to raise themselves and sometimes be a parent to younger brothers and sisters.
And if parents who were raised in dysfunctional families then add alcohol, eating disorders, workaholism, or drugs (legal and illegal) following the example of their parents, to the point of becoming dependent on them for day to day survival they hamper any ability they might have to be a successful parent.
Parents can only give to their children what they themselves have learned and even though many parents swear to be better parents than the ones they were given, they will fall into the same traps and patterns as did their own parents. A parent can only give emotional support to children based on the skills available to them. Without the help of parenting classes, counselors, or healthy peers, they will end up allowing their past to control their behavior toward their children and toward all of life.
Many people recognize the vicious cycle of dysfunction passed from generation to generation and they may know it is not right without knowing exactly what is wrong. Some parents having experienced drinking, violence, crisis and/or neglect in their childhoods are determined to treat