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Finding Self-Love

90 pages55 minutes


PERFECTIONISM is a disease and I suffer from it.
I always want everything to be perfect and that includes my body and for a long time, I had a stereotype of what was perfect. Off course perfect has not flawed; perfect is that power woman who knows just what to say.
She is hot and she is can outsmart any men. For so long I strived to be that, last year I came up with a project and thought hey if I make this possible in less than a year I can be perfect. I came up with a schedule to work and workout; those were my only agenda on the list. I had stars in my eyes and I was going up fast. I had researched the heck out of what I was going to talk about and all I had to do was produce in large quantities.
I just had to work harder, push further, give more, so I did not sleep, I could skip meals just so I could keep going.
The first month came and went no success.
The second month came and went by, nothing.
The third month I was too high strung and depressed because I was working 24 hours a day and getting no results. I would skip meals during the day and then at midnight I would eat almost a full loaf of bread. I hated midnight and I hated myself after but I could not stop because I was so hungry.
I did not eat well, I did not sleep well because my mind was always high strung and I over exercised. The end came for me during my birthday when I could no longer pay my rent and I had to move back in with my grandma.
That was not my image of a successful woman but at that point, I was worn out. I had these short term goals that I was burning myself out to achieve with no success and a lot of coffee.
Sometimes our expectation about life is what might be dragging us down. It might be what is pulling us back from achieving what we are meant to be.
Pursuing perfection is not balance and it might lead to an excess in self-hate when you do not achieve it.
There are people who flaunt their Ferrari to show their rich life yet they are in debt.
There are others who take pictures every day with their significant other showing off how much they are a cute couple yet they cannot stand each other.
There are people who have powerful and rich husbands yet there life is so restricted they cannot do whatever they want.
What I am trying to say is find your own meaning of perfect, do not compare yourself to others.

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