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33: The Pitfalls of People Pleasing: People pleasing will not get you the kind of love you long for. Why? Well, when you are putting other people’s needs before your own, you are not being honest. You are not showing up authentically. People pleasing can range in severity from...

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People pleasing will not get you the kind of love you
long for. Why? Well, when you are putting other people’s needs
before your own, you are not being honest. You are not showing up
authentically.
People pleasing can range in severity from caring
about what people think to being a doormat. In my view, no degree
of people pleasing is a good thing and being a complete doormat is
dangerous. Think of a doormat after being used over and over. This
is what happens to your spirit and your spark if you allow people
to walk all over you. Your light starts to dim. You start to fade
and you start to wear down. 
 
The Importance of Connection When Going
Through a Loss
We are not meant to grieve alone.  One of the
most healthy aspects of grieving is having support. You may find it
hard to ask for help but you are giving another person a gift when
you are vulnerable with them. Do not suffer in silence and
solitude. The things that help the most are often the hardest to
do. During difficult times, we need to do the hard things to get to
the healing place we long for. 
Today’s caller Shaun called in for some guidance
while going through his divorce. He may be putting himself last and
has a habit of people pleasing which is making his divorce
harder.
Don’t lose sight of yourself during a loss. I
encourage you to be honest with yourself about your people pleasing
patterns.
Coaches take note - I try to stay as clear and
neutral as I possibly can, but during some calls, like this one, I
slip from empathy to sympathy. I found myself being protective of
Shaun and judgmental of the situation. I then moved back to
neutrality which allowed me to guide Shaun appropriately.
I invite all of you to join me for my retreat in
magical Bali which will include meditation, yoga, one-on-one
coaching and the opportunity to meet soul friends. E-mail
Jill@ChristineHassler.com for information
on how to join the festivities or to join me in Los Angeles in July
for my signature retreat.
 
Consider/Ask Yourself:

● Are you going through a
loss right now and feel disconnected?
● Do you relate to being a
people pleaser or a doormat? 
● Are you concerned about
what people think of you and often put others’ needs and opinions
in front of your own?
● Is there someone in your
life you need to draw some boundaries with?
● Do you have a solid
support system of people or just one person you can turn to who
will listen when you are going through something challenging?

 
Shaun’s Question:
Shaun would like to know how to get un-stuck after
being blindsided by a breakup from a 15-year marriage. He wants
advice on how to move past the situation.
 
Shaun’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

● He has a pattern of
taking care of others at his own expense.
● He may be losing his
identity.
● He doesn’t have a social
circle for support.
● He should reach out to
new people and ask for help. 

 
How to get over it and on with
it:

● He should step into his
power and his strength and put himself first.
● He should meet new people
and join new groups.
● He has the opportunity to
gain healthy friendships.

 
Tools and Takeaways:

● Be honest and look at the
ways your people pleasing could be depleting you, blocking intimacy
and potentially building resentment.
● Listen to this week’s
Coaches Corner for additional tips.
● Reach out to people, ask
for support or just ask them to listen.
● Write down one thing
which will help you the most but may be hard for you to do.

 
Sponsor:
Onnit Wellness - Receive a
10% discount on your purchase when you order through this link
(including my favorite Alpha Brain).
 
Resources:
Christine Hassler
Expectation
Hangover
@christinhassler on
Twitter
@christinehassler on
Instagram
Christine@christinehassler.com
Jill@christinehassler.com

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