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    Are you a Marionette Doll or an Orchestra Conductor? The Conflicts Between Energy Vampires and Positive Leadership
    Are you a Marionette Doll or an Orchestra Conductor? The Conflicts Between Energy Vampires and Positive Leadership
    Are you a Marionette Doll or an Orchestra Conductor? The Conflicts Between Energy Vampires and Positive Leadership
    Ebook139 pages1 hour

    Are you a Marionette Doll or an Orchestra Conductor? The Conflicts Between Energy Vampires and Positive Leadership

    By Dr.Mohamed Ghoneim

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    About this ebook

    This book will help you uncover one or more layers of your personality. You cannot lead others effectively without being able to understand, inspire and lead yourself first. Most leadership books do not show the power of understanding and healing yourself as prerequisites to unleash your best potential. You must start with getting to know yourself and your skills. You can strive but not having a clear goal in mind means you do not know where you are going; like sitting on a rocking chair, lots of motion but no movement.  Sometimes there will be obstacles on your path.  One of the least recognized obstacles is that of the energy vampire.  Energy vampires often do not acknowledge or concern themselves with the feelings of the people around them.  They exhibit apathy and a callous nature to varying degrees.  These toxic individuals are unable or unwilling to produce the energy necessary to be positive and optimistic. They look around to find resources where they can recharge their constantly depleting energy.  As a result, they live by sucking the energy out of those around them.  This text will provide you with tools and ideas that will help you overcome such barriers and reach your highest potential as a great leader. 

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherDr.Mohamed Ghoneim
    Release dateAug 13, 2020
    ISBN9781393745402
    Are you a Marionette Doll or an Orchestra Conductor? The Conflicts Between Energy Vampires and Positive Leadership
    Author

    Dr.Mohamed Ghoneim

    د/محمد غنيمِ حاصل على الدكتوراه من جامعة كاليفورنيا فى القيادة التعليمية للمساواة و العدالة الاجتماعية وحاصل على الماجستير فى الاداب من جامعة امبوريا بالولايات المتحدة الامريكية. عملت كمدير مدارس خاصة و اول مصري يدير مدرسة حكومية بالولايات المتحدة و عضو مجلس اداره مدرستين. وعملت ايضا بالتدريس بجامعة امبوريا بالولايات الامريكية. لدى كتب و ابحاث منشورة بمجلات ومؤتمرات علمية. اعمل حاليا مدير احدى المدارس الدوليه.

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      Book preview

      Are you a Marionette Doll or an Orchestra Conductor? The Conflicts Between Energy Vampires and Positive Leadership - Dr.Mohamed Ghoneim

      Teaching

      I taught in the classroom as well as tutored many students at their houses. These personal experiences allowed me to see many students in their homes and notice how families from different socio-economic backgrounds and cultures interact and live. This helped me recognize that, as educators say, Maslow comes before Bloom. We, as social beings, are similar in that we have natural needs that must be met.  Once these needs are met, our uniqueness comes into play with the way we discover knowledge and the speed at which we reach understanding.  This is what is needed to reach our highest potential.  This is how we reach self-actualization.  Teaching is the most important job on the planet. You can change the world one human being at a time from your classroom.

      School Principal

      I learned to view issues from various perspectives and to be the voice for the voiceless.  It was my daily goal to act as a liaison and meet the needs of different stakeholders such as parents, teachers, students, support staff and community leaders. Each perceived similar situations in very different ways and brought different valuable qualities to the table.

      Food Delivery and Small Business Owner

      Being a small business owner required me to wear many hats, get out of my shell, develop my skills, and be resilient. For example, I found out that I am a pretty badass salesman. I started small by selling my products at the local farmer’s market.  I used to make my own Hummus recipe and would advertise to people in the farmer’s market.  At first I was shy because I did not have faith in my sales or language skills.  To bypass my fears, I began writing ideas and watching sales pitches on Shark Tank.  Eventually, I was able to come up with ideas of my own.  I would call potential customers to try my products with catchy slogans like, Come and try the best hummus you ever ignored, The best hummus among us, Chips with dips to lick your lips, and Yummus hummus. My days did not end there.  I would then personally deliver each order to my customers.  Imagine being on your feet for hours at a farmer’s market stand and then delivering products to 20 supermarkets daily. It was worth it for me.

      All of the insights I will share in this book came from interacting in these different work environments and cultures. For example, I had employees from Mexico with whom I did not have any method of communications other than sign language.  I worked with different people from different age groups and financial statuses.  In addition, I worked with people with a variety of education levels.  In one day, depending on which hat I was wearing, I would experience being a blue collar or white collar worker.

      Another part of my diverse experience came from my previous marriage to an American Muslim refugee whose family had escaped from the Russian war in Afghanistan.  She helped me understand and adapt quickly to the American lifestyle.  I was exposed to a totally new culture which included different food, music, and traditions.  We had two daughters and I was introduced to yet another new culture which included trying to make healthy organic food a part of life, staying up-to-date and educated about vaccinations, enjoying cartoons, watching movies I would not have chosen before, and homeschooling.

      Seeing these multiple world cultures and unique experiences helped me adopt a positive leadership attitude and identify the energy vampires who might have hindered my journey.  You might be interested in how I was able to do that and what the relationship between energy vampires and positive leaders is.  In most cases, they work together with reluctance.  Their personalities have a tendency to conflict, which becomes like a barrier between the two people. More often than not, it almost becomes a mental wrestling match. The culture can play a major part in eliminating or expanding the impact of the two parties. Both have the ability to affect the culture of the environment they are in.

      Chapter One: The Energy Vampires

      Who are the energy vampires and how do we recognize them?

      It was only recently that energy vampires became known and characterized.  Prior to that, relationships were built on the basis of what cannot be cured must be endured.  It was common to find people who are unhappy in their careers but stay stuck in their position until they retire.  It was also common for people to stay in abusive relationships, continuing for years despite the struggles of and physical and mental pain.

      Energy vampires often do not acknowledge or concern themselves with the feelings of the people around them.  They exhibit apathy and a callous nature to varying degrees.  These toxic individuals are unable or unwilling to produce the energy necessary to be positive and optimistic. They look around to find resources where they can recharge their constantly depleting energy.  As a result, they live by sucking the energy out of those around them.  The victims serve as ventilators to the energy vampires, who become the 'patients' depending on others' energy in order to cling to life. They develop this kind of dependency through the years and it becomes part of their second nature.

      There are those whose primary ability is to spin wheels of manipulation.  It is their second skin and without these spinning wheels, they simply do not know how to function. ― C. JoyBell C.

      This feeding off of external resources to survive can be done intentionally or unintentionally.  The energy vampire needs you to feel like you cannot live without them.  Consequently, you become emotional and compassionate towards them to the point where you are acting upon your feelings - and not your logical reasoning.  Thus, even if it is unintentional, the vampire becomes the master of your actions, emotions and energy.  They may also use psychological manipulation to influence situations, other people's opinions, and even how the victim sees themselves.  For example, your ex-spouse can convince your family and friends that you are the reason for the relationship's failure; or they will try hard to push your buttons with unnecessary fighting or sarcastic comments, in order to provoke you to respond angrily - so that they take your reaction as evidence of your supposed inability to maintain a stable relationship.

      These tactics are strategies used by toxic people, especially when they feel broken. You never see them apologizing because it would be a sign of their weakness.  They have a lot of self-doubts and will do virtually anything to ensure nobody can see their flaws.  Some of them will even go as far as making it seem as though their problems are everyone else’s fault.  However, you are not required to heal or fix them.  While they may try to convince you otherwise, it is not your responsibility to help them cope with their negativity or to see the silver lining.  You deserve peace of mind and can do just fine without letting them invade your personal space.

      The Three C’s

      Let these three C’s become your mantra as you heal:

      I did not cause it. I cannot control it. I cannot cure it. - David Sheff

      On my journey to embrace this principle and learn to let go - detach myself completely - I have discovered 3 more C's: Choice, Chance, and Change. You must make a choice to take a chance, or your life will never change. You can advise the energy vampire to adopt and work on three furthermore Cs: courage, community, and compassion. They must have the courage to seek help from their community, and seek compassion and guidance on how to heal themselves from their toxic behaviors.

      Leadership and Energy Vampires

      By definition, a leader is someone who has the ability to influence themselves or another person. This means all of us are leaders because we have the power to develop and improve through self-awareness.  Any kind of influence is leadership even if it is negative.  For example, Hitler was a charismatic leader but was toxic to an entire community of humans—his was an extreme example of narcissism.  Unfortunately, when energy vampires, or toxic people, try to limit our influence on ourselves and others, we sometimes (or too often) allow them to succeed.  Energy vampires need you to be a blind follower who never regains influence on yourself.

      So how do energy vampires and positive leaders interact? The answer is: very reluctantly. The two personality types have a natural tendency to conflict, which creates a barrier between the two people.  More often than not, it is like a mental wrestling match. The surrounding culture can play a major part in either eliminating or expanding this collision, and in return, both the energy vampire and the positive leader have the ability to impact the culture of the environment they are in. 

      Who are the likely victims?

      Now that we have defined the energy vampires, it is time to define their prey.  The more ‘nice’ traits you have, the more it attracts energy vampires.  The most obvious victim profile is the highly empathetic individual who cares

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