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    Come as You Are: Three Years Later
    Come as You Are: Three Years Later
    Come as You Are: Three Years Later
    Ebook183 pages1 hour

    Come as You Are: Three Years Later

    By G. Scott Graham

    ()

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    About this ebook

    "Come As You Are: Three Years Later" is the second book in the grief series that reminds you of the importance of being in the present moment and honoring your grief, AS IT IS, not as you -- or those around you -- would like it to be.

     

    Both books in this series provide pragmatic guidance.

     

    But where the first book was part inspirational memoir, this book is part tribute: a tribute to Brian J. Stephens.

     

    Filled with observations and photos, advice and photos and photos, and criticisms and photos, this book gives you a glimpse into the future as well as a glimpse into the author's life.

     

    If you have lost someone and are wondering if this will ever end or what it will be like months and years from now, this book is for you.

     

    Honor your grief. It is the admission ticket to a life lived deeply. Come as you are. Yathā-bhūta.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherTrue Azimuth Coaching
    Release dateJan 23, 2023
    ISBN9798215693230
    Come as You Are: Three Years Later
    Author

    G. Scott Graham

    G. Scott Graham is an author, a career coach and a business coach in Boston, Massachusetts. Scott is driven to help clients follow their “true azimuth,” which is different from “true north.” It means coaching clients to identify the true focus of their life — something that speaks individually to them. It means recognizing the forces that push our lives off course and adjusting to them so you get where you want to go. It means that when you are 90 years old and you look back on your life you have a sense of pride, accomplishment, and meaning — with no regrets.

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      Book preview

      Come as You Are - G. Scott Graham

      Come As You  Are

      Three Years Later

      G. Scott Graham

      True Azimuth Coaching

      Copyright © 2023 G. Scott Graham

      All rights reserved

      No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the publisher.

      Brian,

      The empty space persists.

      Everyone ignores it.

      It's 2 am and someone drove into the driveway, then backed out.  They must have been lost.

      Groot and Rocket let out a muffled bark.

      I wake up.

      I think it’s you just coming home from work.

      I smile.

      Then it hit me like an ocean wave.

      And the riptide of grief pulls me out to sea.

      Three years have passed since I touched your burned shoulder at the accident scene and said goodbye.

      Yet, in the darkness, I am still waiting for you to come home.

      I feel lost.

      Everyone ignores it.

      The empty space persists.

      Scott

      Contents

      Title Page

      Copyright

      Dedication

      Preface

      840 Days

      Speak From Your Heart

      The Hardest Obstacle on the Tough Mudder

      Commitment and Grief

      Ashes to Ashes

      People can’t have empathy

      Gaslighting the Grieving Part 1

      Grief Support Systems

      Gaslighting the Grieving Part 2

      It is easy — just ask, How’s your grief?

      Service Dogs

      I Have Something Hanging Over my Head…

      The Claddagh

      Final Thoughts (for now)

      About The Author

      Contact Scott Graham

      Books In This Series

      Books By This Author

      Preface

      A tree does not feel stuck; it takes root and branches out.

      --Brian Nandy

      Ten months ago, I began a journey of self-discovery and healing through the power of words. I started sharing my personal story of grief on Medium, a platform where voices from all walks of life come together to share their message with the world.

      Years have passed since the death of my husband, Brian, and while the world sees me as strong and healed, the truth is that my inner wounds are still raw and festering.

      But through the act of writing, I found solace; one article turned into two, and before I knew it, I had enough material for a follow-up book. I knew I had to share my message with as many people as possible.

      Pro-tip: Grief doesn't end. Grief isn't bad. Stop pushing the grieving into the shadows and have the courage to talk with us about it.

      In this book you will find a collection of discrete essays on grief and loss presented in the order that they come to me over these past three years. You can read it from cover to cover or jump to the chapters that resonate with you. It's up to your heart.These essays, as well as my book, "Come As You Are: Meditation & Grief," expose the truth about grief. I am blunt. I don’t sugar-coat what I have discovered about grief and how we deal (and don’t deal) with it. Grief is too important of a topic.  People need to hear it straight. I make no apologies for that.

      Pro-tip: Until Brian died and I directly experienced powerful personal grief and loss on a level that completely rocked my world, I had my head up my ass about what grief was and how best to support those who are experiencing loss. And I was a therapist. I hurt a lot of people because I didn’t have enough self-awareness and I didn’t have enough empathy. I thoughtlessly bought into the lies that we are told about grief and loss.

      In this book, you will find a lot of pictures.  Pictures of Brian, pictures of us.  Pictures of Groot and Rocket. Including so many pictures was important, as they give you a glimpse into who Brian was and connect my grief to things tangible that expand and illustrate the experience of loss as weeks turn into months and months turn into years.  (Adding pictures – choosing what pictures to include – was the hardest part of this book).  With e-books there is always a battle between words and pictures.  As an author I cannot choose how you experience my words because different screen sizes mean that my words flow in different ways.  Pictures complicate this issue.  To address this I put each pictures on a separate page.  Each picture is also edited for the exact same pixels so an simple rotation of your tablet, e-reader or phone should result in you being able to see the picture full screen.

      In this book, you will find references to suicide. I have thoughts of suicide.  I often wake up in the morning and think about the power of hitting the fast-forward button on life. After spending over three decades in a fulfilling relationship, my life often feels empty and incomplete and my emotional world is marked by anhedonia. People on the outside would never guess that. never ask,and they may very well be puzzled one day when I shoot myself asking themselves why I didn’t just call the suicide hotline.

      Pro-tip: suicide hotlines don’t work. That’s not my opinion. That is what years of research have shown us. You might be now wondering why there is such an emphasis on suicide hotlines every time someone famous kills themselves. Suicide hotlines are to suicide like hopes and prayers are to mass shootings. Suicide hotlines are to suicide are like saying I’m sorry for your loss is to the grieving. Suicide hotlines are to suicide like donations to the bell-ringers outside the store fronts are to the homeless.  They do nothing to address the issue at hand and only serve to make the rest of us feel better about ourselves without actually doing anything.

      In this book, you will learn how most of my friends and family have moved on like those who throw a dollar at the bell ringers. Saying, "Remember we are here if you need us."

      You know who hasn’t said that? Groot hasn’t. Rocket hasn’t. (You will learn more about them in this book).

      In this book, you will find repeated comparisons of grief to knee replacements. In the past three years I have had two total knee replacements. The similarities between grief and knee replacements are stark.

      After total knee replacement surgery, I needed someone

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