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The Competition Master
The Competition Master
The Art of Making Sense Or How to Develop the Faculty of Reasoning
Logical consequences are the scare crows of fools and the beacons of wise men. —T.H. Huxley An acid test of the mental calibre of a person is his ability to reason correctly. Correct reasoning is logic. What is Logic? The C.O.D. defines ‘logic’ as ‘science of reasoning, proof or inference.’ James Dorever, (‘A Dictionary of Psychology’) defines it as “The branch of science which investigates the principles of reasoning, deductive and inductive or more generally the principles of thought.” According to Chase “Logic is the process of drawing a conclusion from one or more statements or propositions called premises.” For our purpose, the definition given by Morris R. Cohen and Ernest Nagel will do: “Logic is correct reasoning. To be logical is to argue reasonably. By means of logic we can find out what follows if we accept a given statement as correct.” Logic is also explained as an analysis of ‘because’. “Logical fallacies occur when the because does not follow, does not make sense. Sound logic occurs when it does.” Here is a statement supported by four becauses all wrong: The earth is flat. Why? Because it looks flat.
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Because people would fall off the underside if it were a ball. Because the gods say it is. Because my father (or teacher) told me so. It is unsound logic which cannot tell the valid reason why: I do not love thee, Doctor Fell, The reason why, I cannot tell, But this alone I know full well, I do not love thee Dr Feel. It is the art of drawing sufficient conclusions from sufficient premises. For example: All men are mortal, Sultan is a man. Therefore Sultan is mortal. The following instances does not satisfy this test: Fish live in water. Whales are not fish. Therefore Whales do not live in the water. The following is not a valid argument although premises and conclusion are true: Fish live in water. Monkey are not fish. Therefore Monkeys do not live in the water. Deductive/Inductive Logic Deductive logic means reasoningly deduction, that is, inferring from premises or prepositions representing already known facts; it is inference from general to particular. Inductive logic means reasoning by induction that is inferring of general law from particular instances. Induction is the basis of the scientific method. Inference is the process of drawing a conclusion or a conclusion reached on the basis of previously made or accepted judgements.
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” Inductive Reasoning He is good at heart. It guards us against haste and prejudice in thinking.” Logic provides an indispensable discipline. generous towards others. honest in dealing. Those who rush at things without using judgment run themselves into strange and unexpected danger. It enables us “to organise our thoughts in regular order. There is the Aesop fable of a dog which was fond of eating eggs. Mistaking a shell fish for an egg one day. Fallacies Logical fallacies are obstacles to straight thinking.. (3) The principal of excluded middle Illustration: Anything must be either A or not A. Uses of Logic Bacon observes that Logic enables man to contend i. “road blocks
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.e.Illustrations Deductive Reasoning “If A is true and B is true then C follows necessarily. argue with methodical reason. It makes our minds flexible and agile. The weight of it in his stomach caused him intense pain: “Serve me right”. it guarantees our reasoning against many errors. Though it does not provide us with an error-proof grammar of thinking. so he is true Christian. Logic also teaches us that things are not always what they seem. he opened his mouth wide and bolted it with one great gulp.” It saves us from the traps of sophism (false argument intended to deceive). (2) The principle of contradiction Illustration: Nothing can be both A and not A. Main Principles of Logic There are three main principles of logic: (1) The principle of identity Illustration: If anything is A it is A. It teaches us the art of making sense. he said “for thinking that anything round must be an egg.
In each the reason which follows the term because fails. Here we have space to mention only principal logical fallacies: Pot Hoc.” (if he tried the whisky. “Who can identify you”. Fallacies are defined as “errors in reasoning”. It attempts to use a conclusion to prove itself. One steps up to the cashier’s counter and asks if he can cash a cheque.” In our effort to master the method of logical exposition it is of the utmost importance to detect fallacies and to avoid them carefully. after this therefore on account of this. Illustrations A woman breaks a mirror and later in the day loses her purse. He gave up whisky and took brandy. “It was the soda.
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. to make sense. Ergo Propter Hoc: Cause and Effect This form of fallacy is based on the assumption that whatever follows an event is therefore caused by it. he concluded.that throw us off the track and detour our reasoning. The broken-mirror she says caused the loss.) That a war broke out after an eclipse does not prove that the eclipse caused it. In it one goes round and round and at the end of the argument one knows no more than at the beginning. The reason that breaking a mirror caused some misfortune is pure post hoc. but the effect was the same. It is a Latin phrase meaning. under analysis. he would have discovered his error. Either the facts are inadequate or the logic is bad or both. Illustrations Two men go into a bank. It indicates a tendency to confuse sequences with consequence. “Undoubtedly”. There is the story of the Oxford student who drank numerous whiskies and sodas every night and could not think clearly. asks the cashier. then gin with his soda. Logical fallacies are types of false reasoning. Arguing in a Circle This fallacy consists in proving a proposition from another that rests on the first for proof. brandy and gin without the soda.
since it is well-known that God is not coloured. does it become a fallacy. Your logic will have validity and force if you bear in mind the logical principles mentioned in this paper and keep a good watch on any of these fallacies creeping up in your reasoning.. As a writer puts it. The Supreme Court is opposed to segregation.K.We cannot rise forth on our quest of truth without determining in advance what we are looking for.”
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. Who thrusts a knife into an other person should be punished A surgeon in operating does so. We may close with wise words of Will Durant: “.” “That’s O. by what road we propose to seek it.“My friend here”. I do not know your friend. it follows that a coloured person is not a man.” Illustrations It says so in the Bible. Therefore the Supreme Court is following Communist line. Wisemen cannot be wrong This fallacy consists in an attempt to click an argument by an appeal to authority. I’ll introduce you. “Quoting authorities is of course. “But. entirely legitimate and only when pushed too for.” Man is made in the image of God. My grandma used to say so.. Guilt by Association This logically fallacy arises when unlike things are equated and the identification is supurious. Any other order would not be logical.. Illustrations Communists are opposed to segregation. when the Big Name freezes mental activity. and how we shall know it if we come upon it. My daddy said so. Hence he must be punished. says the man.
But this sense of superiority in itself is evidence in disguise of feelings of inferiority. Inferiority feelings. The others quite often claim they feel superior to most people. and others deny it.” Thus the neurotic person may strive for power and selfaggrandisement in order to compensate for underlying feelings of inadequacy and inferiority. Such inferiority feelings are normal driving forces which push him towards improvement and superiority. seen from the standpoint of nature. “Man. It should not be confused with inferiority feelings which arise when the individual feels a sense of incompleteness or lack of fulfilment in any life area.How to Overcome Inferiority Complex
What is ‘Inferiority Complex’? Inferiority complex means strong feelings of inadequacy and insecurity which colour an individual’s entire adjustive efforts. may be exaggerated into an inferiority complex which leads to unhealthy over-compensation. however. As Adler observes “To be a human being means to possess a feeling of inferiority which constantly presses towards its own conquest.” He elucidates. a higher level of development or a better integrated personality. “Behind every one who behaves as if he were superior to others we can suspect a feeling of inferiority which calls for very special efforts of concealment. Most neurotics suffer from an inferiority complex. worldfamous psychologist and founder of this theory put it. This feeling of his inferiority and insecurity is constantly
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. It needs emphasis that the feeling of inferiority in the sense of incompleteness and unfulfilment is a normal feeling. As Dr Alfred Adler. Some admit it. is an inferior organism.
” A Sense of Inner Rottenness: The victim of inferiority complex suffers from a sense of inner rottenness. An apparently capable person in charge of an office said. He plans to do great things. It acts as an everpresent stimulus to the discovery of a better way and a finer technique in adjusting himself to nature. He believed that it is only in the neurotic that such underlying feelings are exaggerated into an inferiority complex which leads the individual to overcompensate for his feelings of inferiority by striving to triumph over others and dominate them in order to prove his superiority. He cannot face people because he is not a real person. Or “I am just not worth caring for”.compenPersonality and YOU 7
.” He thus emphasized the importance of deep-seated feelings of inferiority in relation to the abilities and accomplishment of others. He moans: “I am just as bad smell”. Over-sensitivity to Physical Handicaps: Most of us over. “I hate it because I am no really there. he is constantly trying to conceal from the world. Roots of Inferiority Complex The roots of inferiority complex are: A Feeling of Unreality: One of the roots of this complex is the feeling of unreality. but when it comes to their actual implementation he has no self with which to realize his intentions. or to avoid competition and comparisons with others by getting “sick”. I can never be one and I become hopelessly weary and exhausted. It is as if a kind of false self has taken control because the real self has absconded. He finds that he cannot stand up for his own rights or seek promotion or protest against an injustice. Hence the inferiority victim is assailed by self-doubt and inadequacy. This stimulus forces him to seek solutions in which the disadvantages of the human status in the scheme of life will be obviated and minimized. or “I feel maggotty inside”. He has a desperately poor estimate of himself. or mix with the opposite sex because he assumes a rottenness within him that makes him totally unacceptable to the common run of people.present in his consciousness.
“Be glad you feel inferior”—if your inferiority feelings give you a greater will to succeed. George Santayana well put it. Or he may turn to escape—through alcohol. This he will not do deliberately. “One need not search the far corners of the earth to find love. There are innumerable examples of persons whose individual handicaps or afflictions gave them the stimulus to achieve more than average success. But like the absent-minded philosopher who searches for his spectacles only to discover that he has them on. Edison and a host of others. we seek everywhere except within ourselves. Roosevelt refused to allow a physical impediment to interfere with his political goals. We discover. the over-sensitive. but he may drift gradually and unconsciously into the comforting excuse. No one has ever been able to undo the work of fate (for example.sate for our physical handicaps by working that much harder towards the attainment of a worthwhile goal. F. whose inferiorities block their roads to success. But there are others. The capacity to love is present in the soul of everyone. He may take refuge from a hostile world through sickness and turn his grievance against the world into hypochondria. Beethoven. Helen Keller. that the sufferer has been wasting a lot of energy fighting a misfortune of fate. to win attention. of course. To the physical handicap they add a self-pity type of psychic invalidism. on analysis. have left us the philosophical legacy. any attempt to do so is like beating one’s head against a wailing wall.D. or flirtation or in a hobby that will absorb him so completely that he cannot think about his humiliating standstill at work. giving themselves new parents and new childhood or changing the colour of their skins or their lines of descent). The Need to be Loved: An inferiority complex may be the explanation for one’s failure to find love or to make marriage a success.”
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. Unloved neurotics fail to realize that to be loved they must love and be lovable.” The man with an inferiority complex may drive himself into a frenzy in his determination to push himself ahead in his work. “There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval. Selfishness: The common denominator of all forms of neurotic inferiority is selfishness. As a psychologist puts it.
Dr W. But the self-pitier wants a simple way out. If you do nothing else. Be your real “you”. You cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs.W. “Just learning to appreciate life without cursing reality all the time.
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. It needs sustained efforts to overcome any kind of complex. He wishes to enter an obstacle race without having to jump the hurdles. It is the key secret of feeling at ease around people. Use this a-bc approach by asking yourself these questions. (a) What are some of the whys and wherefores of my feelings of neurotic inferiority? How did my inferiority complex come about? Am I trying to attain an unattainable goal? (b) Have I been resorting to negative forms of over-compensation? (c) What disciplinary steps can I take to eliminate the handicap of feeling inferior? (2) Have a conscious recognition of your major limitation or deficiency. (5) Stop walking backwards. Take the responsibility on your shoulder and it will leave no room for chips. Do not try to dodge. stand still until you are able to take a step forward. Get to meet people and try to be a good mixer. Dyer aptly observes. Techniques for Overcoming Inferiority Complex (1) If you have an inferiority complex find out why. can be both the first and last step in your pursuit of complete fulfilment.One must put up with misfortunes of fate philosophically. Remember that selfreliance comes with acceptance of responsibilities and discharging them. (6) If you want to feel big—think big. (4) Avoiding things you dislike only deepens your feelings of inferiority. and so destroying your one chance for happiness now. Lack of Self-discipline: People who suffer from inferiority complex find it almost impossible to take disciplinary measures to develop self-confidence. Adopt a relaxed attitude.” (3) Don’t worry about having to impress people. You can’t overcome social shyness or awkwardness by being a stay-at-home. He is reluctant to suffer physically or mental discomfort for the sake of attaining his goal.
art. guilt self-pity and immobility: “Just doing is such an important part of being a fully functioning person. Anything is a lot more effective than nothing. threats. “If you decide to do something about your problem. “The best way out is always through. accidents and wars. The girl who stays away from dances because she is self-conscious about her figure is making it more difficult for herself to ultimately overcome her inferiority complex. liteature. Becoming an excellent dancer will rid her of that particular anxiety. illness. People—big or small—are so nearly alike that no one needs to feel inferior in the presence of another. As Robert Frost has it. (11) Avoid self-denunciation. As Dr Dyer points out action is the single. stress. sports are specific remedies to overcome inferiority feelings. If you find yourself asking ‘yes. If others can do you can too. you’ll be on the road to changing things around for yourself. most effective antidote to depression. worry. Doing Rings the Bell In every situation try to be constructive and creatively alive. Go after it zealously. frustrations.” With determination and perseverance all things are attainable.” (10) Heart-satisfying outlets in music. We are all exposed to the same disappointments. (13) Remember that every one has feelings of inferiority. To accomplish this you start with the confidence that you can survive physically and emotionally the painful realities of life. fear. (12) Don’t build a wall around yourself. (9) Develop the will to achieve—the iron determination to live a richer. but can I do?’ the answer is really very simple. happier life. anxiety. (8) Decide realistically what you want out of life. storms.” He adds. reading.
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. Our best defence is to build up an inner immunity against their impact on our morale.(7) Convince yourself that you get what you give. rather than grumble about it.
The common denominator of their dazzling success stories is their poin-blank refusal to give up and this quality enabled them in the end to turn failure to success. “You will be surprised to hear this”. “but failure does not exist. Alfred Adler.C. No condition or set of circumstances is in itself a calamity to be feared. father of individual psychology observes: “Life (and all psychological expressions as part
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. It is your reaction to it that makes it a “Waterloo” or a field of triumph. —(Chinese Proverb) It is easy as A. Dyer. Failure is simply an opinion of how a certain act should have been completed. What is Failure? According to Henry Ford “the habit of failure is purely mental and is the mother of fear. In his psychological makeup man is made for success NOT failure. It is in short a reaction. failure in any endeavour is more often caused by mental attitudes than by mental capacities. Their motto was: “Stick to it and you will achieve your aim. and persistence in the face of overwhelming odds.W. What is not often realised is that the secret of their success stories lies in their indomitable courage.How to Turn Failure into Success
Nothing is difficult to a man who has persistence.” The secret of their success can be put in six little words: Never let down! Never let up. For years on end hey have been enduring failure and frustration. Like success.B. It is normal to be successful. says Dr W. to envy highly successful people who have reaped laurels in their fields.” In other words it is a state or land-scape of the mind. working hard like blazes.
She was resting from her labours when a boastful boy rolled up to her side and taunted. By fearing to attempt. You cannot train or condition a living being for defeat. Other causes of failure are: procrastination. failure to map out plans and to execute them because of what other folk will think. They doubt their capacity to succeed in achieving their object and don’t make the effort. an indispensable factor of success. toward perfection. lack of clear-cut plans. usually with a host of alibis. Failures shirk hard work. Technique for Turning Failure into Success Persistence: Give up your giving up and replace it with dogged
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. and experiencing falls in the process. (Measure for Measure) You can never get far in any activity if you mind falling down. fear of criticism. Why People Fail? More people are beaten than fail.” Success is the law of life: “man is not man as yet”. “Yes I suppose you can”. Ford calls “the uncrowned king of the world of endeavour”. indecision. “I can skate better than you can”. simple primitive power which we call “stick-toit-iveness”. And make us lose the good we oft might win.of life) moves ever toward overcoming. he can succeed only by paying out all he has”. the habit of passing the buck on all occasions instead of facing problems squarely. In the park a little girl was learning to skate by a sort of trial-and-error method. “I’ll bet you mind falling down more than I do”. she added proudly. This rude. It is not ‘wisdom’ or ‘money’ or ‘brilliance’ or ‘push’ or ‘pull’ which they lack but just plain ‘gristle and bone’. To quote Ford. success is always hard. wishing rather than willing. toward superiority. toward success. “It is failure that is easy. But. do or say. Shakespeare wrote: Our doubts are traitors. the little girl agreed. Fear of failure also immobilizes some people. A man can fail in ease. Lack of persistence is the major cause of failure. People who fail throw their aims overboard and give up at the first sign of opposition or misfortune.
perseverance. the assistant said: “You’ve solved it. One day. Edison’s definition of it is well-known: Genius is one per cent inspiration and ninety-nine per cent perspiration”. including negative suggestions of relatives. A stout-hearted man. Persistence being a state of mind can be cultivated. wreathed in smiles. It ruined the work of many months. Never give up too soon for success may be just around the corner. he replied. it’s staying there”. Expecting that Edison had solved the problem in research he had been carrying on for years. Major General Goethals dug the Panama canal. when the job was half done. all things are attainable”. “Well. Then like Edison. It means stick to it and you will attain your goal. “What will we do now?” Goethals lit a cigarette.F. (3) A mind closed tightly against all negative and discouraging influences. is an old well-tried recipe. An old boatman was asked: “If a man fell off this pier would he be drowned?” “No”. An assistant found him one morning at two O’clock. Inspiration is useless without perspiration. dig it out again”. you’ve found the answer?” And Edison said: “not a blamed thing works: now I can start over again”. a big land-slide wrecked the canal. tossed the match away and replied. As T. Have the courage to “start over again” and yet again—if need be. It is dogged as does it. (2) A definite plan expressed in continuous action. Genius itself is indefatigable persistence.
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. Napoleon Hill has listed four steps which can lead to the habit of persistence: (1) A definite purpose backed by burning desire of its fulfilment. you may go on to triumph. Buxlon has it “With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance. friends and acquaintances. “It is not falling into the water that drowns a man. Ralph Charell in his book ‘How I Turn Ordinary Complaints into Thousands of Dollars: The Diary of a Tough Customer depicts an inspiring chronicle of how his determination and iron-will to fight all the way paid off for him against would-be consumer exploiters. His principal assistant asked him in a voice of dark despair. Every failure you take in your stride takes you nearer your goal.
“but he won’t be failure until he says that some one pushed him”. “Failure is only the opportunity to begin again. Seize that brief time of apparent defeat to regain your breath and to re-plan your strategy. Ford writes. “Let your fighting instincts be aroused. and we will add with greater enthusiasm than ever before. you are taking a definite step forward when you lay bare what they were. Challenge Take your set-backs as a challenge. but you are not yet beaten. to wrest victory from defeat. Look upon a defeat as a single round in the contest. to turn failure into success. when you think of yesterday without a regret and of tomorrow. says Elmer G. Yes you have been knocked down. Never make the same mistakes again. If you do so you will be doomed to feelings of worthlessness. and take up arms again.(4) A friendly alliance with one or more persons who will encourage one to follow through with both plan and purpose. more intelligently”. So beware of thinking that you are failure simply
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. Never equate your failures with your own self-worth. “A man may fall many times”. Whatever the causes of your setback. It is just not being successful with that particular trial at that particular moment. Analysis Analyse carefully and objectively your failure to determine where you made your mistakes. without a fear. Letterman. You are already on the road towards turning your failure into successes. Don’t be discouraged by your initial set-back. Return to the fight more determined than ever to take the sting out of failure. Don’t trot out alibis and don’t blame others. Not to succeed in a particular enterprise is not to fail as a person. then spring back on your feet and into the fight once again. advises a psychologist. knowing that you will turn defeat into victory”. You are on the road to success when you realize that failure is merely a detour. Of course the setbacks or mistakes were your but never forget they were not YOU.
Cats hunt mice. “It is something that you do to yourself by thinking fearful thoughts and having fearful expectations”. You are not ruined. In getting rid of the fear of failure take a tip from animal behaviour. It does not hurt you unless it stops you. nor worthless because you made mistake or got off course any more than a typewriter is worthless which makes an error. says a psychiatrist. It does not hurt you if after it you look up with bright eyes and say. Self Depreciation Don’t wallow in self-depreciation and self-pity. Value of Failure A set-back cannot hurt you if you learn from it and try again. One of my edited proverb is Nothing fails like success because you do not learn anything from it. All disasters you visualize will rarely surface.because you made a few mistakes. But Kenneth Boulding thinks otherwise. if they are not successful in one attempt. Say he. They don’t lie down and whine grumbling about the one that escaped or have a nervous breakdown because they failed. says Dr Dyer. Don’t let perfectionism immobilize you. is well-known. or a violin which sounds a sour note. “can be instructive. Don’t hate yourself because you are not perfect”. The proverb “nothing succeeds like success”. The only thing we ever learn from it is failure. “Now. “Failure”. As Dr Maxwell Maltz has it. let us see why I failed and have an other go”. He who depreciates himself becomes worthy of his contempt and is justly depreciated by others. they just make another—and yet an other. it can be an incentive to work and explose. “Differentiate between your self and your behaviour. Apply the same logic to your behaviour to elimPersonality and YOU 15
. Fear—any sort of fear—does not exist out there in the world. It can be thought of as success if it points the way to new discoveries”.” Get rid of the Fear of Failure Fear of failure is simply a bogey. Success only confirms our superstitions. “I have revised some folk wisdom lately.
They don’t equate their worth with their failures and successes.
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.inate the fear of failure. Healthy. self-actualized or self-fulfilled people are not afraid to fail. They realize that failure is simply someone else’s opinion and not to be feared since it cannot affect self-esteem. In fact they often welcome it.
not everybody believes that we must play in order to live. balance in various spheres of life is essential. What Shakespeare made Antony say of Brutus in Julius Caesar assumes great significance in the context of variety and balance to personality. Play has been defined as a “pleasure activity in which the means is more important than the ostensible end”. art and music. One can enjoy them
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. ‘This was a man’! Shakespeare—Julius Caesar A fully developed and mature personality is an infinitely complex structure of many traits. Perhaps the words “variety” and “balance” give us the key to it. To be one-sided or lop-sided is necessarily a flaw in personality. An angular personality lacking poise is a poor personality for it will be off the hinges. elements and influences. not everybody believes that we must play in order to live. Mature and well-rounded personality demands a balanced mixture of elements.How to Cultivate a Balanced Personality
His life was gentle. Both our physical activity and our mental processes involve certain contrasts. We are pulled in different directions by various elements in our make-up. When we allow ourselves to be pulled too far in one direction or the other then personality becomes warped and lopsided or unevenly balanced. and the elements So mixed in him that Nature might stand up. The most refined stylized forms of play are dancing. For the development of personality. And say to all the world. Work and Play Almost every one would accept it as self-evident that we must work in order to live.
the balance and relationship between the two is vital for dayto-day living with full satisfaction. or alcohol. Dr W. adequate sleep and sensible diet are factors which count for a balanced personality on the physical side. Dyer warns us against misbehaving towards our body.” The art of relaxing indeed is part of the art of working. you victimise yourself. If it is good for sick people it is even better for healthy people. Proper concerns about each help the other. To develop one at the expense of the other is to produce a life that is lacking balance. but you can abuse it in so many ways by simply
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. “By letting yourself get fat through improper diet or lack of exercise.” Another psychologist underscores the need for striking a balance between work and relaxation. you are allowing yourself to be victimised. Regular exercise. you are a very effective self-exploiting victim. While recognising the interaction of body and mind we must pay adequate attention to each.. M.by participation or by seeing or hearing them.D. Hence. or tobacco. We are all subject and liable to the disease of disturbed morale (demoralization) and one of the best antidotes against this is to be found in recreation. By allowing your body to become addicted to pills such as tranquillisers. The human organism cannot live without alternating periods of work and relaxation. highly efficient instrument. urges that we should work as hard as we can but hold on to our hobbies: “If the proper direction and encouragement of play can be therapeutically useful. and enjoy our leisure more when we go to it with the satisfaction of work well done. well-tuned. Your body is a powerful. “We can work better if we are relaxed.W. By not giving your body adequate rest periods or by fouling it up with stress and tension. Dr Karl Menningers. Psychosomatic Well-being Doctors and psychologists tell us that mental and physical wellbeing are intimately connected. it can also be prophylactically useful. They enable people to live out unsatisfied instinctive urges in a way not hampered or restricted by reality considerations.
is in direct proportion to our readiness to imbibe the attitude of ‘give and take’. or fueling it with low-calibre fuels and addictive substances that will only demolish it in the end. reading worthwhile books and straight thinking provide stimuli that keeps the mind sound and alert. In the sphere of material things. The ability to give is the hall-mark of a well-rounded mature personality.” The spirit of open-mindedness. In such an orientation the person overcomes dependency and acquires faith and courage to rely on his own powers in the attainment of his goal. “never learns what great enjoyment ‘giving’ can bring. be a friend. but because in the act of giving lies the expression of my aliveness.” A famous Roman poet said. M. “The constant receiver”. tight emotions produce almost constant illness.” Our ability to attract towards us material things. but feel related to each other genuinely and productively. friends. development of a variety of interests. cultural enrichment. Give and Take “If you want friends.D. The hoarder who is anxiously worried about losing something is. It presupposes the attainment of a predominantly productive orientation. the habit of asking intelligent questions. the psychoanalyst is cured by his patient—provided they do not treat each other as objects. giving means being rich. freedom from prejudice..A. even so does inaction sap the vigours of the mind. stagnant water loses its purity. but he who gives much. “Your prayer must be that you have a sound mind in a sound body. Not he who has much is rich.” Erich Fromm says “Giving is more joyous than receiving not because it is a deprivation. he does learn how his cramped. psychologically speakPersonality and YOU 19
.rejecting it. grasping. Remember what Leonardo da Vinci said about disease of the mind: “Iron rusts from disuse. says Dr J. Schindler.” With a sound mind in a sound body you can take on the characteristics of a fully-functioning personality. the actor stimulated by his audience.” The teacher is taught by the students.
No man is an island: “We are bound together in the bundle of life. It is in solitude that we can transcend the barriers of time and space.” But solitude is equally essential to man. Solitude is essential for creative work and for meditation upon ourselves. made for fellowship. wrote about his feelings of privacy in Walden: “To be in company. If we fail to strike a balance between fellowship and solitude the odds are that we shall become either ‘lone wolves’ or ‘social butterflies’—neither of which form of life is human. I love to be alone. Maslow formulated a list of fifteen characteristics of self-actualised persons. Two of these characteristics are: (1) “They are capable of very deep satisfying inter-personal relations”.” While we are not all Thoreaus. his observations are still more appropriate today. Our privacy is a very important part in our lives. and this is the twentieth century. it is just the opposite in fact. If we are to actualise our full inherent potential we have to understand the contrasting needs of our personalities at times when we can mix freely with other people. It is the refuge of mediocrity. This attitude is a plus point of one’s personality. Human beings are gregarious creatures.ing. It is not a narrowing experience. It is necessary to our own sense of well-being. (2) “They have a need for privacy and solitude at times and are capable of looking at life from a detached objective point of view”. the poor impoverished man regardless of how much he has. and at times when we can be alone. is soon wearisome and dissipating. Constant gregariousness militates against balance in personality development. Society and Solitude Man’s constant striving to realise his full inherent potential is regarded by psychologists as the most fundamental goal of human personality. who lived alone for almost two years at Walden Pond. Whoever is capable of giving is to be considered as rich. even with the best. We do not have to
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Been parted by the hurrying world. Conformity.be always around others. The term conformity means the yielding of the individual’s judgement or action to group pressure arising from a conflict between his own opinion and that maintained by the group. psychologically related). hostile and compulsively dissenting from it. The latter is the case in which the person is actually opposing the group. and counter-conformity are not three points along a single continum. As prof P. noise. For balance in personality structure. “Conformity is like a sleeping pill—a small dose is all right in order to give rest to the organism. or to always have others around us. hectic fever. How true is Wordsworth. use your own inner commonsense in each situation. but too much is lethal. independence. and droop. How gracious benign is solitude! At times solitude is best company for a respite from the stress and strain. Conformity or independence of the individual under group pressure depends on the nature of the situation and the characteristics of the individual. When from our better selves we have too long. Perceive. Sick of its business. the Age of Togetherness—all of which designations are. of modern life “far from the madding crowds ignoble strife.” It is not escapism but reality. The fusion of fellowship and solitude is a hall-mark of a balanced personality.”
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. Rather they represent three vertices of a triangle. in fact. think and feel and act in your own way. of its pleasures tired. Independence of judgement is to be distinguished from counter-conformity.C. Independence of judgement is a form of behaviour in the group pressure situation in which the individual judges and acts mainly on the basis of his own position and is neither unduly susceptible to the group norms nor unduly driven to deviate from them. Conformity and Independence The present age is called the Age of Conformity (to say nothing of the Age of Anxiety. Sexton puts it.
Role means the form and style of interpersonal relationship. Real charm does not seek to please so much as demonstrate concern. This invaluable asset of personality is not inborn. It is used synonymously with character. and scrupulously avoid hurting people. When you meet somebody. it magnetizes. both explicit and implicit. Be a gentleman. According to Cardinal Newman a gentleman is one who never inflicts pain. literally means the mask worn on stage by actors in ancient dramas. It can be developed by any one by following certain techniques. The explicit role is verbal. the implicit role is non-verbal. it also gives an extra little psychological lift. This is the essence of charm. Look pleased to see people Don’t keep your face impassive when you meet or begin dealing
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. say with genuine warmth: “Well! Hello! How pleasant to see you!” “How are you?” This greeting not only gives pleasure. Believe that given patience on your side it is possible to tolerate awkwardness and unkindness and manage to agree to differ.How to Acquire a Charming Pesonality
The dialogue of man with others is life. —Martin Gray Personality. It is limited to denote interpersonal role. Charm is a sort of bloom on a personality. Here are the main techniques: Be Nice to People Be nice to people. Don’t ride rough shod on others’ feelings by asking tactless questions and making thoughtless remarks. It strikes the sight.
says Dale Carnegie.with another human beings. The cheerful person is one who smiles readily. the sourpuss. more confident. We should all endeavour. A cheerful person is welcome everywhere.K. friendliness. curiosity. Demonstrate some sort of positive response—pleasure.
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. “If you want to make people like you”. Avoid fault-finding This bad habit is basically rooted in envy and jealousy of others. Reinforce your greeting with warmth. Speak with animation. Show interest We all yearn for others to be interested in us. Lavater has it. Look Cheerful No one is attracted to the pessimist. interest. enquiry. To make it as smooth as we can. Where toil is the portion of man. “If you are pleased at finding faults. and friendliness in your voice. “continual cheerfulness is a sign of wisdom”. Showing interest in others is a must if you want others to like you and feel that you are a charming and pleasing personality. alert. the grouch. “talk in terms of the other man’s interests”. And a gentle word for all. Since life is a thorny and difficult path. more attractive. while passing along.” A fault finder is a non-doer. he is much more charming. An old Irish proverb has it. willingness to help. Look every inch alive. An unknown poet has written: ‘Tis well to walk with a cheerful heart Wherever our fortunes call. warmth. the moaner. The real doer has no time for criticising others. He is too busy doing his own work. Aim at looking pleased when you meet people at all costs. and vibrant. enthusiasm and humour. As J. He looks younger. With a friendly glance and an open hand. you are displeased at finding perfections.
like the rows of the upper and lower
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. You can spoil somebody’s attempt to do something. “What a dust do I raise”. selfish. waiting to be asked or wondering whether they will look silly. like eyelids. “I’ll help you!”. You may go on talking when people want you to be quiet. like hands. Don’t be like the Aesop’s fly that sat upon the axle-tree of the chariot wheel and said. the desire to attract and hog attention can make us so insensitive to other people’s feelings and wishes that we are domineering. People who give themselves airs are shunned. It is unreasonable and stupid to antagonize people simply because you happen to feel a bit off-colour. rude and cruel. It is natural to offer to do things for people. You can be so eager to talk that you continually interrupt other people. Instead. or want to switch on to something else. Recognize a mood before it takes firm hold of you. you will no doubt want to help them. You can play the buffoon or hurt people with your wit. “I’ll do it!”. Avoid desiring to be considered superior If you are all wrapped up in yourself. Co-operate and be Helpful If you like people. Control Your Moods Socially speaking it means trying to be always nice to people. It is well to remember that the whole sense of one’s importance is merely an evaluation of self by self. People who are genuinely charming are willing to co-operate and remain open-hearted with their time and money. they say. or prefer to let a subjet drop. not because you feel you should.Don’t desire to be the centre of attraction According to a psychologist. “I’ll go!”. They do not hold back. but because that is the way you are. like feet. Marcus Aurelius well said. Make a habit of breaking any bad mood. Do play the game of one-up-manship. “We are made for co-operation. “I’ll try!”. Their whole life and outlook are geared to keeping their own end up and this gives them no time to like people and be concerned about them. not nice to them only when you feel like it. you are overdressed. Remember it is natural to co-operate.
teeth. To act against one another then is contrary to Nature, and it is acting against one another to be waxed and turn away.” Give Encouragement and Appreciation People also yearn for encouragement and appreciation. Mark Twain said: “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” It doesn’t cost us much to encourage others in their activities or in coping with their problems. A few words, a question or two, a scribbled note are all that is required. Resolve to go through life giving new zest and joy to people by dispensing encouragement and appreciation at every opportunity. As a psychologist puts it, “Old and young, skilled and unskilled, expert or novice, the intelligent and the not-so-bright, all thrive on a few well chosen words.” Les Giblin in his: “How you can have Confidence and Power in dealing with People”, says, “People everywhere ... are hungry for praise and appreciation. When we give them what they are hungry for, they are much more likely to be generous in giving us, what we want from them, whether it is their skill, manual work, ideas, co-operation, or what not.” Offer Understanding and Sympathy To be understanding and sympathetic is another way of helping our fellow-beings. As Harry and Bonaro Overstreet put it: “The drama of understanding is the drama of going forth to meet life more than half way. It is the drama of trying to see the other peson’s point of view; of trying to look at foibles through other people’s concerns and life conditions.” Nothing in a fellow human being can be alien to us. As Rabbi Leo Baeck puts it. “To be a man means to be a fellow man. I am to make the man beside me my fellow man by my will and my deed.” Be Enthusiastic Apathy never attracted anyone or anything. Whoever minted the phrase: “I couldn’t care less” has done considerable harm. In all your transactions with others try to show enthusiasm, zest, keenness, liveliness, aliveness. These qualities should be evident on your face
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and in your voice. There is nothing smart, nothing clever, nothing attractive in your looking surly, bored, casual, apathetic. Healthy, fulfilled people are enthusiastic about life. They like life. Others like to have such people around because enthusiasm is contagious. Show Genuine Love Lastly to be a charming personality, cultivate the habit of showing genuine love to other people. Says H.N. Casson, “The supreme h.p. is not horse power. It is the heart power. It is the greatest of all prime movers....” “It is love that makes the world go round”, says an old song. “It is not money. It is not rank, it is not power. It is love.” Love is the ultimate human answer to the ultimate human question.
Personality and YOU
How to Stand on Your Feet
It is an absolute perfection, and it were divine to get the very most out of one’s own individuality. —Montaigne The importance of standing on your own feet can hardly be overstressed. This is what makes for full flowering of personality, selffulfilment and high achievement. Refusing to follow the crowd, to follow your own bent of mind, to be nobody-but-yourself, is what pays the ultimate dividends. Some people just drift. They go with the tide, follow the line of least resistance, just think and do as others think and do and thus deny their individuality and personality. Self-denial amounts to selfbetrayal. To be self-reliant, self-fulfilling and achieving personality you must master the techniques of standing on your feet. Art of standing on your feet The techniques of the art of standing on your own feet are as follows: Think for yourself: “Thinking”, says Henry Ford, “is the hardest task any one can do, which is probably the reason why we have so few thinkers.” How many of us think for ourselves? Says, Gordon Byron, “a lot of people think they think but they don’t. Often they jump from an observation to a conclusion without any reasoning whatsoever. It is merely a mental impulse. Orderly thinking is comparatively rare.” “There is no expedient”, said Edison, “to which a man will not go to avoid the real labour of thinking.” Some people are so “well-adjusted” to society that in Rome they
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the fact that there is only one you. it must be true”. “If the speaker has a beautiful voice. and “If a statement logically follows from self-evident
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. Examples are: “If a statement sounds true. It takes courage to be a non-conformist and think differently from your group. and the crowd you are with. (ii) Word-mindedness: This orientation involves the tendency to word-mindedness as distinguished from fact mindedness. a philosophical system or a sacred book. Scientific orientation is contrasted with anti-scientific orientations which are the nemesis of correct and logical thinking. Thinking for yourself can be only purposeful if it is given scientific orientation. Give up every preconceived notion and follow your intellect to whatever conclusions it may lead. The general motto of this orientation may be: ”Daddy says so”. “is even remotely like you in terms of your innermost feelings. but think and feel as the Romans. it must be true”. Often the exact opposite of what is generally believed is the truth. says Dr W. and (2) be careful to avoid haste and prejudice. Avoid sweeping statements like “Everybody says”. a professor.would not only do as the Romans do. And yet that is what you owe to yourself—your self-esteem. your uniqueness in the world. but because they originate from a parent or parent-surrogate which may take the form of a person. or “the Bible says so”. thoughts and desires.” You must remember famous rules of Descart’s art of thinking: (1) accept a thing as true only when you clearly recognize it as such. Dyer. As they do not do their own thinking they are mental slaves. In any case truth is not always what the majority think.W. Science is rigidly accurate in observation and ruthless to fallacy in logic. “How can you possibly know?” It will be fair to say ‘many’ but not everybody. it must be true”. Test your ideas with facts. These are: (i) The orientation of dependency. “No one”. “If it is eloquently stated. in which statements are accepted not because they are verifiable or logically consistent.
The mass of the people do only what they are told to do. (iii) According to this orientation whatever we want passionately enough to be so is so. which amplified the sound so much that he thought himself to have a first rate voice. This kind of orientation is encouraged by mass media especially “the dream factories” of advertising and movies. it must be true”. cultural. Act on your own initiative. They seldom start anything. We believe what we want to believe—however absurd and improbable. His conceit made him think that he was cut out for the stage. The ‘yes-butter’ is not willing to apply the scientific orientation to some area in his thinking. At any rate no man ever yet made a big success unless he had it. Perhaps it is. There is Aesop’s story of an amateur singer who hadn’t a voice but used to sing all day accompanying himself on a lyre in a house with plastered walls. but .”. Their brains appear to have no self-starter....truths. Many people have far more knowledge and ability than they use. and justifies throwing out the scientific orientation in the discussions of human problems. and Law for thing”. It is doing something worthwhile without being told to do so”. They shrink from doing anything on their own. And there are no handles on them whereby they can be moved to action. except when they arrive at subjects involving their special moral. or class prejudice at which point they dig their heels into the ground and cry.. They play safe
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. Initiative has been defined as “a special kind of action. Without instructions they stand idle. He makes the motto of Emerson’s statement: “There are two laws discrete . (iv) ‘Yes-but orientation: This is the orientation of people who are willing to make verifiable statement. Be Autonomous Give full expression and scope to your personality. But when he appeared in public he sang so atrociously that he was chased off with a volley of stones. Do things your own way. “Yes. Law for man. It has been said that the supreme success quality of a man is initiative.
Don’t listen to people who say. I cannot do otherwise”. William Manchester in his recent biography of Douglas MacArthur. Very often we have to start something which we don’t know how to finish. “the Church says the earth is flat. “What Douglas MacArthur believed in most was Douglas MacArthur”. Get rid of your idols. It has always been that way. ‘This is how things are.preferring to accept orders in a subordinate position to responsibility as executives. but we learn as we go along.” You may remember Galileo’s reply to the Inquisition. relying on yourself. “American Caesar”. Every person who ever started anything had to face difficulties and doubts. It is they who take the cake. “Nevertheless it (earth) does move”. We see them everywhere—people of outstanding ability who have no push and never succeed in life. but I have seen its shadow on the moon. The people who have initiative are the people who count. Be your own hero. it is rather the capacity to move ahead in spite of despair. To start anything new always requires some courage and to persevere requires a bit of stamina. “Here I stand. It is a blessed thing indeed if you have individuality enough and courage to stand by your own convictions. Be your ‘own man’. flying in the face of criticism. (1979) pinpoints one outstanding trait of MacArthur. It means willingness to confront fear. But you must make sure that your convictions are in
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. who has been compared to Alexander the Great. It was Magellan who said.’ Don’t be afraid of striking out on the new and untried road—your way. Have courage of your convictions Courage is not absence of despair. and have the grandeur to say your say. The most shining example of the courage of one’s convictions was Martin Luther who said in his famous speech at the Diet of Worms (1521). believing enough in yourself and in living your own life as you choose. “Nothing is difficult to a man who has persistence”. and I have more confidence even in a shadow than in the Church. and you can’t change them. As a Chinese proverb has it.
must be dynamic. regulate and take pleasure in the present moment. wrote. Don’t be afraid of the people who are in your way or maliciously put obstacles in front of you. “Convictions and women one can get easily are not highly appreciated. We become so concerned that our effort should result in future success that we often fail to watch. Have a passionate faith and enthusiasm in what you are doing. “I have”. Self-belief Believe in yourself. How well a
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. founded on reason and fact. We tend to be so obsessed about the result of our effort that we fail to enjoy the effort itself. “You have enough strength to do what you have to do. Washington. says B. The suggestion is to do whatever task presents itself to the best of our capabilities with all possible care and concentration and with all possible enjoyment. As the leading Polish spiritual writer M. in short. on your trust in yourself. It is not to be taken as an invitation to apathy or idleness—far from it. “The bitch-goddess success—in William James’s phrase— demands strange sacrifices from those who worship it. John Tyndall in his “Fragments of Science for Unscientific people”. Don’t be afraid if the world is difficult.T.” This is not to suggest that there should be no persistent effort to ‘succeed’ in our endeavour. At the same time don’t worry overly about the result of your endeavour to reach your goals. Malinski puts it.” Everything depends upon you.fact true and not false. “The brightest flashes in the world of thought are incomplete until they have been proved to have their counterparts in the world of facts. “learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed. Aldous Huxley warns us against the exclusive worship of success.” Don’t undervalue the importance of the effort itself. According to Dr Theodor Rick. Freud told his circle of students in Vienna that “only those convictions are lasting and valuable which one acquires after overcoming objections” and added.” The English physicist.” Your convictions.
says Hebbel.task is done can be so hampered by worrying about the result and being prejudiced as to what the result would be. we do not have the power to manipulate all the factors which account the result successful. “Life”. Man is a deciding animal. “is not anything. Let the result take care of itself. as a game. as a risky but enjoyable sport. And simple truth is his utmost skill. He can decide to eliminate worry if he learns to take life as an adventure. it is only the opportunity for doing something. Whose armour is his honest thought. (Henry Wotton)
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. How happy is he born and taught that serveth not another’s will. because we can never guarantee it.” Conclusion The man who stands on his feet is not only qualified for self-fulfilment and high achievement he has also the character of a happy life.
. a single objective must be chosen and attained over a period of time. They launch many ventures but finish few. Don’t give up. Choice of Single Objective For successful achievement and fulfilment.. You know the famous proverb: ‘A rolling stone gathers no moss’. True success can be achieved by facing problems and snags but not in abandoning the task and running away. Many people appear to fritter away their abilities and talents on incompleted tasks. —Herbert Casson Importance of Tenacity of Purpose Success in life depends on tenacity of purpose more than on any other single factor. A moderate ambition seen through to a successful conclusion is far more worthwhile than a grandiose scheme abandoned when difficulties crop up.How to Develop Tenacity of Purpose
A man can still go a long way when he is tired. He never “arrives”. A few carry on despite all obstacles and opposition. until they attain their goal. It must not be given up the moment a snag arises. A Rolling Stone . or the moment you learn of
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. Yet any long term goal in life can be attained only by mastering the obstacles encountered on the way. and give up at the first sign of opposition or misfortune. The wanderer with no specific destination gets lost on the side roads.. When they meet setbacks—they set off for some new objectives—they are ready to throw their goals and purposes overboard..
it proceeds by fits and starts. you may retrace your steps. progess is rapid. delays occur. Life is not all smooth-sailing. “I thought it was too good to last” or “This is not. Andre Maurois admires Americans with single-track minds. you must recognise that these bad patches are part of the natural order. by repeated attacks in demolishing the obstacles that hinder their progress. with all your powers). Suddenly the work done without result leads to a breakthrough and another fine period of progress and manifest achievement ensues.other possible and attractive goals or objectives. things work out as you planned. But until the task is done. Out of sight events are slowly shaping themselves in these bad times. your morale is high and enthusiasm aglow. and feast your eyes upon the view. Periods when things go well alternate with slow periods when progress appears almost at a standstill.e. Obstacles crop up. after-all.. You say. You can observe the operation of this great rule in your own life. but they succeed. Put your whole heart into it.
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. Life is not All Beer and Skittles To develop tenacity of purpose you must comprehend clearly one fundamental principle of life. explore the path that cuts across your own. Eventually success comes to the person who keeps on regardless of setbacks. working like blazes and striving whole-heartedly just the same during the time when things look dim and he can see little result for his efforts. Strive with both your body and your mind towards the goal. my cup of tea. Keep your attention focused on the bull’s eye till you attain your target. progress comes to a halt. Then you run into a sluggish phase. Never forget that life is not all beer and skittles (fun and games). no exploring or loitering. “their tenacity and their obsession are sometimes boring. They occur to every one and in all endeavours.” To achieve tenacity of purpose. Your enthusiasm wanes. When it has been reached. Some weeks all goes well. The following technique will help develop tenacity of purpose. Your morale sags.” He further advises: age quod agis (do what you are doing i.
Balfour. Queen Victoria said to her Prime Minister A.” So it is with problems of life. not failure. You cannot train or condition a living being for defeat. we spoil our chances of staging a come-back. toward success. and act for success. only to re-assemble our resources of thought and energy. Where do you begin your battle? You have to learn to declare war on your tendency to hug illusions. You can soon
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. Stick-to-it-iveness: Once you have chosen your goals stick to them just as limpet sticks to rocks. Winning Attitude: Cultivate a winning attitude.” George Bernard Shaw has said: “He who flees from the battle. “We are not interested in the possibilities of defeat. Your mind is a battlefield. You are the cluster of your attitudes. Despite setbacks and disappointment. The battle has to be won in the battlefield of your mind. toward perfection. Put in full effort for achieving your newly acquired goal. “Life moves ever toward overcoming. think. it has to be carried through. Decide on your aims and purposes. there is always a chance. toward superiority. It is better to ‘flee’ from the battlefield of problems. To quote Alfred Adler. Changing your ideas about your goal in life produces only confusion and elaborate effort with no result. Hasty action is to be avoided. you will experience a new one emerging from the debris of the dead thoughts. Take a firm decision even it it is an unpleasant one. Expect to be successful. Waste no time in regrets. Adopt no half measures. Life is more important than certain concepts we cherish. Vagueness about one’s purpose leads inevitably to lack of tenacity. Make no compromises. And if you win. lives to fight another day.J. Know clearly what you want from life. but once a decision is taken. Concentrate your thoughts on the reasons why you will succeed. and then stick to it.” Remember that everyone of you is made for success. The winning attitude leads you to talk. not on possible failure.Definite Goals: Set for yourself realistic and exact goals. But if we stubbornly exhaust our energy in wild goose chases and hug illusions. to fight again.
2. The habit of concentrating one’s thoughts on the building of plans for the attainment of a definite purpose leads to tenacity. 4. Every successful action you perform leaves a trace on your mind that makes it easier to be more successful next. “Victory is a thing of the will. The most useful and universal of these is getting up in the morning the moment you should. a novelist may write nine books and yet remain comparatively unknown. Will Power: Marshal Foch said. For example. expressed in terms of continuous action will ring the bell. “Nothing succeeds like success”. is a true proverb. will-power depends on the following five factors: 1. Self-reliance: Believe in your ability to carry through your plans. the way is open to even greater success. 5. Do something everyday for no other reason than that it is difficult. Then the tenth book becomes a best-seller. such as counting and re-counting a collection of small objects aloud for five minutes. It means that it is not easy to achieve success.” Tenacity is helped by will-power. organising them properly into a time-table or action programme. Develop the habit of will-power by accomplishing small things successfully.
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. Use auto-suggestion to train your mind and will as you want them to be. Particularly at the outset of any venture. Keep your health in good shape by living sensibly. It is comparatively easy to acquire and to maintain tenacity in pursuing the object with a burning desire. A definite plan. Intense Desire: Build up an intense desire to attain your goal. According to Gordon Byron.come to take it for granted that what you start you will finish. but once you have achieved it. Tenacity can easily be made a habit. Make your plans definite. will-power is needed to help you keep at it until the habit of persistence is formed. Carry out instantly and without second thoughts the little chores of the day. 3. which not only ensures success for any further books that he may write but also creates a demand for the first nine.
Keep your mind tightly closed against all negative and discouraging influences. Knowledge: Acquire knowledge of the matters that will help you in the attainment of your goal. Do not live under illusions. Throw away this crutch. He must have a bit of self-mastery.When you face uncertain situations and suffer from indecision. Declare war on your negative feelings. including negative suggestions of relatives. your failure mechanism. 3. Summing Up To develop tenacity of purpose— 1. friends and acquaintances. 4. When he starts a thing. Believe that you can and will succeed in doing it. It weakens your moral fibre. They never attain success. Do not go about chanting tales of your failures and what you might have been. Napoleon Hills recommends a friendly alliance with one or more persons who will encourage you to follow through with both plan and purpose. Cooperation: Tenacity is also helped by harmonious cooperation with others. you must ponder and analyse the situation. 2. Know what you want and make a bee-line for
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. not guess-work. destructive thinking. Think it over. Put your experience and observation to good use. Resolve that the basic aim of the re-orientation of your life is the destruction of poisonous. Have a clearly defined objective—a specific goal to work towards a bull’s-eye to shoot at. Doing to a finish: A man must have some self-control. The quitters are never heard of. Negativism: Negativism is lethal to success in any enterprise. Base your plans on knowledge. You will then find peace. To go through life leaving a trail of unfinished tasks can lead to failure. happiness and success. he must hold himself at it until it is done. Start doing it and keep at it. It is a pernicious habit of getting sympathy from others and using it as an emotional crutch. Get a clear vision or picture of exactly what you want to do or to accomplish in life.
Having set a goal.
Personality and YOU
. Some sparrows in a neighbouring oak enjoyed a good laugh at his expense. one flew over and addressed the snail. don’t you know that thee are no cherries on this tree?” The little fellow didn’t pause as he replied out of the corner of his mouth. Finally. unflinchingly that you will attain it. You have your objective. Start right now! Keep on working at it and you will work a miracle as surely as day follows night. “Aay. “But there will be when I get there. deeply. Tale-Piece One cold windy day in the late spring. You firmly believe that you will realise it.it.” Moral If you expect to reach a desirable destination make a start—right here and now. a snail started to climb a cherry tree. you sap. you have built your dream castle in the clouds. and do not be deterred by discouraging comments from those who lack enterprise and vision. believe firmly.
expressed this point beautifully: “In almost any subject your passion for the subPersonality and YOU 39
. it is only the opportunity to do something. Passion To attain your goal pursue it single-mindedly and with passion and strong enthusiasm. The general causes of our mediocrity in performance or our failure in accomplishment are not lack of ability. and (4) It locates the goal within some environment or situation. We aim our efforts at vague generalizations. It is doing one’s best to make the most of oneself. It is the accomplishment of an end aimed at. —Hebbel What is Success? Success consists in doing and accomplishing things. “nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. (2) It is positive. Occasionally it is necessary to break the end goal into sub-goals and set periodic goals to achieve the targeted end-goal gradually. As Emerson has put it. William James. and not at bull’s-eye. or indifference or lack of earnestness.” The father of modern psychology. The real cause is that we do not formulate specific. (3) It is realistic. A Goal The first success factor is the formulation of a goal. Always specify your goals in such a way that it has four characteristics: (1) It is specific.The Success Factors
Life is not anything. concrete goals towards which to direct our efforts. It is an individual matter and must always be determined by the degree in which a specific person has attained his own highest potentialities. which moves heaven and earth. unwillingness to work. It is not something that can be measured in relation to the accomplishments of others.
It means that the driving force has gone and the price is no longer being paid. “Through hardship to the stars.” Passion is the indispensable condition or qualification for a great achievement. What is the difference? Just this. if you wish to be learned. The American motion picture pioneer. then you will slip back. you will most certainly attain it. The old saying has it. and not wish at the same time a hundred other incompatible things just as strongly. while the other climbs to the top in his trade. Beware of the philosophy of “Something for nothing”. passion finds it and is cowed by few difficulties or obstacles. All other needed factors follow as a matter of course in its wake. The trouble with some people is that they want to get to the promised land without going through the wilderness. the one who was stuck refused to pay the price of success.” Anyone can be successful if he is prepared to pay the price for it. If you only care enough for a result. If you wish to be rich.ject will save you. Everything worthwhile has a price and to make it meaningful we must pay that price. if you wish to be good. said Emerson. But the price you have to pay is a continual once. you will be good. “absolutely that nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion. “We may affirm”. you will be learned. Driving force Closely related to passion is driving force that there is no gain without work. Samuel Goldwyn. One remains stuck in a small job all his life.” To pursue a goal passionately is the best possible assurance of success in it. you will be rich. says Hegel. Two young men of equal abilities start in the business world at the same time. If there is a way to success. used to say: “No person who is enthusiastic about his work has anything to fear from life. If you stop paying the price when you have achieved some success.” Passion is the prime success factor. Only you must then really wish these things and wish them with exclusiveness. “Pay for it and take it”.
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. It enlists the whole body and soul of man to achieve its coveted objectives.
Self pity does no one any good. The success attitude magnetizes success. relying on yourself. Success visualization The effectiveness of the foregoing success factors will be greatly enhanced if you visualize yourself as a success and act accordingly several times a day.” As Core Harris advises. the failure attitude. It is the willingness to confront fear.” The idea of professing courage is sound because the important thing to do is to act. This is what Sydney Smith said about courage: “A great deal of talent is lost in the world for want of a little courage.” Build up a very vivid
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. it is rather the capacity to move ahead in spite of despair. Camus and Sartre have proclaimed that courage is not the absence of despair. Courage is the recognition that failure is a genuine possibility and that absolute certainty is an illusion. failure. Success or failure in any enterprise is caused more by mental attitude than by mental capacities. The fact is that to do anything in the world worth doing. but at present a man waits. Kierkegaard. “The bravest thing you can do when you are not brave is to profess courage and act accordingly. who. Conduct yourself as if you were what you want to be. if they could have been induced to begin. “Assume a virtue if you have it not. Nietzsche. As Shakespeare wrote in “Hamlet”. rather than to try to convince yourself of how brave you are or aren’t at any given moment. but jump in and scramble through as well as we can. and doubts and consults his brother. Everyday sends to their groves obscure men whom timidity prevented from making a great effort. and his particular friends. being willing to accept and learn from the consequences of your choices.Courage Another essential success factor is courage. It means flying in the face of criticism. till one day he finds he is 60 years old and that he has lost so much time in consulting cousins and friends that he has no more time to follow their advice. It will not do to be perpetually calculating risks and adjusting nice changes. would in all probability have gone great lengths in the career of fame. we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger.
The magic formula of success is: Never let down! Never let up! Give up your giving up and replace it with dogged persistence. On this plus success factor Dr H.E. and with God’s help you will achieve it. The way to do this would appear to be to create in one’s mind an image of the person one wants to be. We become like that on which our hearts are fixed. you may win a medal or make a million dollars. Stanton observes. without veering off course.. The value of this approach .. Young won a few more than half his games. it is not necessary to be right all the time. “Hold On”. Set your heart on a goal.. then you will almost always emerge not only having reached your goal. Henry Himmill noted that the great baseball star won 511 out of 906 games. being the sort of person you want to be and let this image drift into your mind. If you persist and follow up tirelessly. In the art of success there is no substitute for persistence... The slogan ‘Press On’ has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.. If you are right more than half the time. but often having far exceeded your initial expectations. never even entertaining the idea of being put off. visualize its attainment.
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. Persistence The spirit behind the above success factors is the unbending spirit called persistence. you will move straight to your goal. “Perhaps the greatest power we have as human beings is to use our imagination to help us change in the ways we want to change . and then. It enables you to hold on when there is nothing in you except the will which says to you. Preserve the success attitude. To be an outstanding success in any endeavour. has been repeatedly affirmed in my own therapy. Checking up Cy Young’s pitching record.. work for it like blazes. give it that little extra.picture of yourself behaving in the way you want to behave. All things come through desire.” Firmly fix in your mind what you would like to do. a record that has never been equalled.. The idea is to keep pitching.
“Life would not be complete without them. It is the end product of our own efforts. We may think there is a sure road. by finding out what will not do. learn from them and move beyond them. The individual who has the will to succeed takes charge of his success. it does not come as a gift of heaven. But that would be the road of death . It is the result of our will to succeed. keeping intact. Don’t make the same mistake twice. It is better to look forward and to make new mistakes than to look back and do nothing The worst mistake you can make is to lose your initiative. no matter how painful they may be. and he regulates his daily actions to attain it.G. acknowledge them.” As C. and probably he who never made a mistake never made a discovery. The only complete mistake is the mistake from which we learn nothing. It is the man who keeps on who climbs to the top rung of the ladder. all the while. It is no bonanza. Samuel Smiles remarks. He directs and bends the force of his life to the attainments of his goals. The will to succeed Succees comes to the person who has the will to succeed. He knows what he wants and he plans the steps by which to achieve it. This fact points out our obligation to let one another make a normal quota of mistakes. when one lives one’s own life one must take mistakes into the bargain.. a reasonable self-respect and self-confidence. He succeeds because he has the will to succeed. The ability and willingness to learn from our errors. He knows what he wants.. “We often discover what will do. There is no guarantee—not for a single moment that we will not fall into error or stumble into deadly peril. nor does he rely on other people to give it to him. Jung points out in his autobiography.” As the Overstreets have it: “Man is a mistake-maker. At the back of 99 out of 100 assertions
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. Any one who takes the rule road is as good as dead.” So take mistakes for granted like measles and bad weather.Open-mindedness Yet another vital success factor is open-mindedness. He does not expect fate to throw success in his lap.
that a thing cannot be done is nothing but unwillingness to do it. When you attempt to do a thing you should do it with a will and be confident that you will succeed. You should act as if it were impossible to fail. It is will-power that makes the dreams come true. Don’t pray for lighter burdens but for stronger backs. Do your best The last success factor is “Do your best, and leave the rest.” “Success for any sane adult”, says Dorathsa Brand, “is exactly equivalent to doing his best. What best may be, what its farthest reaches may include, we can discover only by freeing ourselves from the will to fail.” In his recent autobiography “Unfinished journey” the great violinist, Yehudi Menuhin, says: “Striving to do my best, I have found fulfilment.” “Perfection”, he adds, “cannot be achieved unless its pursuit becomes a way of life.” At no given point can a sincere and developing person feel that he has ‘arrived’. For, success is a journey, not a location. Winning attitude To approach setbacks properly and effectively you need a winning attitude, a positive mind. The famous psychologist Adler, founder of the school of Individual Psychology, was a delicate rickety child and a mediocre student. His teacher advised his father to take him out of school and apprentice him to a shoe-maker because he was not fit enough to do anything else. But, says his biographer, N. Orgler, winning attitude was his watchword and difficulties were to be faced as spurs to increased efforts to reach the goal. “Failure is only the opportunity to begin again—more intelligently.” Looking ahead Hope is the first and the most basic of vital virtues, that animate men. Don’t dwell or brood on the past. Give the best you have got today. That is a recipe for a better tomorrow. The past is just a bucket of ashes. Never regret it. It is just as futile as trying to cry over
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spilt milk. In a letter to George Brandes the great Norwegian dramatist, Isben, wrote, “I hold that man to be right who is most closely in league with the future.” The above plus success factors will work if you work them honestly and determinedly. Good luck!
Personality and YOU
Have Faith in Yourself
What a man thinks of himself, that is which determines, or rather indicates, his fate. —H.D. Thoreau A man’s success in any enterprise is not the end-result of magic, miracle, or fluke. It is, by and large the fruit of his iron faith in himself translated into action. People fail to make it because they lack dynamic faith in themselves. Admiral Dupont was explaining to Admiral Forragut the reasons why he failed to enter Charleston harbour with his feet of iron-clads. Forragut listened until he was through and then said, “Dupont, there is one reason more.” “What is that?” questioned Dupont. “You did not believe you could”. Strong feelings of inferiority and lack of faith in themselves hinder them so that the fine qualities they do possess cannot be realized. The Importance of Self-Faith Faith is the starting point of all achievements. It is the only antidote for failure. It is the magic formula, the open sesame to success. It does move mountains. “There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn”, says Albert Camus. This surmounting of fate is a positive triumph of faith in yourself. A man of unconquerable self-faith says, “To hell with fate”. Says Dr W.W. Dyer, “You are worthy not because others say so, or because of what you accomplish or because of your achievements. Rather, you are worthy because you say so, because you believe it, and most importantly, because you ACT as if you are worthy”. Faith is an indispensable condition of human life. Says the well-known psycho-analyst, Erich Fromm, “Faith in oneself is a condition of our ability to promise something
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select one and focus your mind on it. With faith and fire in us.” How to develop faith in yourself? Self-faith being the magnet of success. that is one of the conditions of human existence.” It is one of the major positive emotions. you feel that you have lost your self-confidence or stopped to believe in yourself. nothing is impossible : with them we build our destiny with our own hands. If you cannot find the cause. for any reason. It cannot be adequately defined verbally. look at it objectively and recognise it for what it is. through the principle of auto-suggestion. According to Vernon Howard.” No man comes to the end of his rope until he loses faith in himself. Realize what you can do and what gifts and abilities you have. “Faith is what you are. It can only be experienced. faith is action.and as Nietzsche pointed out. it is worth your while to learn how to develop it and harness its tremendous power. not merely an isolated principle. Ask yourself about your goal in life. Then. What is Self-Faith? Faith means trust and reliance or belief in ourselves. faith is how you talk. Have you a definite and realistic goal? Or are you just drifting through life without any aim? If you haven’t got a goal. just accept that there is some reason deep down in the unconscious and leave it at that. Ask yourself why you have lost faith in yourself or feel inferior or inadequate. man can be defined by his capacity to promise. Belief in Success Believe in the possibility of success in the attainment of your
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. Self-Analysis: How to go about it? First of all know yourself as you really are. If you can find the cause. Admit them gratefully. It has also been defined as “a state of mind which may be induced or created by affirmation or repeated instructions to the subconscious mind. indeed his life “is bound in shallows and in miseries”. faith is how you live. This is especially important if.
You need both. your powers will enable you. and if you have only commonsense. Combine Faith with Action Wed faith to action. The performance of your faith even though at first performed in doubt and weakness ultimately produces the object of your faith. As a psychologist has it. “But if I slip?” “Do it”. barring accidents. If the goal has been well chosen. then you will have your head up and your feet on the ground. “How do I get faith enough to climb this tree?” “Do it”. Neither faith alone nor commonsense alone will produce results. you may be wholly satisfied with things as they are. “But faith cannot become ‘tested power’ for us until we venture on it in the practical affairs of life. start each day by a positive thought and affirmation. asked his mother. On the necessity of combining faith with action.” Doing is having. When you have both. Psychologists point out that both belief and doubt are living attitudes. If you have faith only you may be led to believe in some wild scheme for abolishing poverty by an Act of Parliament. she said. and involve conduct. Combine Faith with Commonsense Combine faith with commonsense.goal. Action produces faith and faith induces action. You may put it thus : Faith is performance towards the thing in which you have faith. This is psychologically sound. “But if I slip?” “Do it”. “Our lives are govPersonality and YOU 48
. A young squirrel who eagerly wanted to climb to the top of his first tree in order to enjoy the wide wonderful world. to achieve it. From that day onwards he had an eager mind that could climb any tree. We express belief or doubt by living. Auto-suggestion As “faith is a state of mind that may be induced by self-suggestion”. It is actionoriented faith that moves mountains. Failure in their attainment can destroy self-confidence and energy. Kenneth Hildebrand remarks. And he did. But if I slip?” “Do it”. So he did and did it. It is futile and dangerous to undertake unattainable objectives. and you will move forward steadily and surely.
I will succeed. After a while the role will become you. Moreno. attitudes. Choose your desired role—one that depicts confidence.” According to Napoleon Hill “Repetition of affirmation of orders to your subconscious mind is the only known method of voluntary development of the emotion of faith. It has proved to be a surprisingly helpful method for building faith in one’s self.L. thoughts. I am one with the Infinite power of the Universe and. physical movements. Psychodrama Another method for developing faith in yourself is the technique of psychodrama designed by Dr J. Say to yourself: “I believe in myself and the work I am doing. in speech. After a while it is no longer an assumed role.
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. Repeat it at times during the day—even if you are not thinking what you are saying. The shyness soon disappears as the assumed role is absorbed into the very character of the actor. or trust.” Any impulse of thought which is repeatedly passed on to the subconscious mind. By speaking and acting the bold role he actually takes on the bold traits of the person he represents. It is an established psychological truth that thoughts sent into the unconscious mind tend to actualize themselves. have no need to fear anything. You can use it for generating practical faith which will turn hoped-for traits into present powers. therefore. Concentrate only on the triumphant person you are becoming. by the most practical procedure available. and repeat it several times when you wake up. which proceeds to translate that impulse into its physical equivalent. “Take one of these sentences or one like them.” You do this by repetition of positive affirmations. it is a permanent trait of the person’s personality. Act out your role by every means possible. For instance.erned mainly by our unconscious minds and the most important thing is to get positive thoughts into them. Forget who you are. The ideal will become the real. I am doing my best and. therefore. So begin with an affirmation. a shy person is assigned the drama role of a bold hero such as Richard the Lion-hearted.
With the passing of time a solution may be found. When you come to face a problem. It is by building on success in little things that you will become confident to tackle really big things. Yet in the morning we see a solution clearly. But don’t carry it about you all the time. Whenever you accomplish a task. This is because our unconscious mind has been working while we have been asleep. It is much more likely that your unconscious mind will work out a solution if you consciously turn away from it. Write down the facts. accept that fact. imagine a successful result. congratulate yourself. You are only different. How often we find that a problem with which we have wrestled at night is impossible. If necessary. resolve to do it as soon as possible and act on your resolve. Try to face it objectively. Faith building needs patience and perseverance : Rome was not built in a day. Don’t compare yourself with others.Bright Vision Keep a bright vision in the front of your mind of yourself succeeding. With each job tackled. Accept the viewpoint that every problem has a solution and approach your problems in this spirit. Remember you are inferior to no one.
Personality and YOU
. Sensible Approach to Problems Face your problems sensibly—confident of success. Think always in terms of possibilities and never of failures. relax and don’t panic. What possible solutions are there to that problem? Is there anything you yourself could do at this moment to solve it? If so. Chalk it up as a success. Turn away from your problem knowing that you have done all you could do at this stage. make a date in the future when you will consider it again. If there is nothing you can do about it presently. Compare yourself with the topmost standards. At present it is impossible. however small.
(2) It develops a negative mental attitude. (5) He performs a drum beat with his fingers on the arm of his chair. (3) It leads to the danger of becoming Napoleon-type which attempts to compensate for small size by too much drive and too great an expenditure of energy.Personality and Tension
Personality is infinitely more than your books and your popularity. (3) He bites his nails. (5) Tension encourages the chronic worrier because worry grows out of unfinished problems and the inability to make decisions. Habits of a tense person A tense peson has the following cluster of habits: (1) He wets his lips with the tip of his tongue. —Karin Roon How tension affects personality? Tension affects personality in the following ways: (1) It fosters a sense of inferiority. (4) It inhibits concentration and through the confusion of nerve impulses makes a person ‘all mixed up’ mentally so that he finds it difficult to make decisions. (2) He clamps his teeth hard together while working or reading. (8) Tension can frequently cause personality distortions. (4) He is a pencil tapper.
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. (7) Tension creates frustration. it is you—body and mind and emotions—living at your peak. (6) Tension leads to delinquency and to crime.
(9) He cracks his knuckles. with intervening rest and relaxation. psychologically it is characterised by feelings of strain. It makes us jittery. Sooner or later something lets go and there are damned few spare parts to repair in a human body. with the clutch out and the brake on. “If you go through life under tension you are like an automobile racing its motor at full throttle. In simple terms tension is unreleased energy. can often be an agreeable sensation. Havoc of tension Tension plays havoc with our physical. Itself not an evil.
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. (7) He constantly glances at his wrist-watch. uneasiness and anxiety. (10) He is a chain-smoker. mental and emotional health. hypertension. “Tension is not a bad thing in itself. It is the continual stimulation of tension without release that is one of the biggest dangers of our over-active civilization.” When tension becomes dangerous Tension is a part of normal living and so long as it can be released.” What is tension? Tension is defined as a condition arising out of the mobilisation of psycho-biological resources to meet a threat.(6) He frowns most of the time. backaches and the like. Says a doctor. It can bring ulcers. tension headaches. A psychiatrist observes. (8) He has acquired a tic around his mouth. It immobilises us and keeps us from living. Tension as a whole-time state is a killer. physically it involves an increase in muscle tonus and other emergency changes. buoyancy and achievement. cramps. but for a balanced life we require the alteration of tension and release. in high gear. it can help to contribute to our great moments of happiness.
there is an influx of excitement that tends to go beyond tolerance. there is nothing to fear. And in the second place. According to an eminent psychologist. there are two basic reasons why tension builds up: In the first place. the solution is to limit and control the influx and to widen and facilitate the efflux. A competent business executive. If the influx of your excitement is too great. was warned by a friend that his overwork would cause a breakdown. the opportunities for discharge of excitement are blocked. and shows itself in neurosis. If the incessant influx of excitement produces tension. It is not the amount of work you are doing but the way you are doing that generates tension. alarms and crises constantly get at you. At the same time you need to facilitate the efflux. mental and emotional. For instance if you are in a state of tension because shocks. He replied. the only sensible course is to reduce the number of aisles that make your tension intolerable. it is about time you spoke to him in reality rather than waste sleepless hours at night ticking him off only in
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.” How to manage tension? Broadly speaking the management of overtension is simple. In other words you need to unlock your personality and to express your emotions. as far as overwork is concerned. It’s when the business pushes you that trouble starts. and the efflux of your stimuli is limited or blocked. who had been working for 12 hours a day. It is caused by faulty physical habits or emotional maladjustment. equally it is true that the blocking of discharge of excitement (efflux) tends to maintain tension. “When you push your business.Causes of tension Tension can be physical. The excitement is locked up uneasily in the personality and breeds tension. if you are tension-ridden as your boss has been irritating for months. For example.
“Yes. but what can I do?” The answer is really very simple. let us seize as often as we can the opportunities which walking affords for health and quietness of mind. In this sense.” Talk it Out Talking out is a sound method of releasing fear and bottled up tension. The old saying “getting it off your chest” has a literal meaning.imagination.” Tennyson wrote: “I myself must mix with action lest I wither by despair.” If you find yourself asking. you’ll get run over if you just sit there. and human fellowship. anxiety. Anything is a lot more effective than nothing. Talk to a person who will listen to you with sympathy and understanding. in this hectic fast-moving world. with its tensions and pressures. This old saying has a lot of truth in it: ‘Even when you’re on the right track. Meet frustration and failure with courage. As Dr Dyer observes “Action is the single most effective antidote to depression. “So. and immobility. guilt. It tones up circulation and makes the body feel better.” Walk it Out Walking is an excellent way to relieve tension. stress. Doing rings the bell. A psychologist advises. tension functions as a powerful drive in its own right. Action In any tension charged situation action is a sure-fire remedy. The action-oriented person seldom suffers from over-tension. It
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. Tension is a stimulus that calls for action because it can be discharged and its accompanying unpleasantness relieved by some kind of acivity. By overcoming your inertia and acting you can release tension. and strong. and patient. and never give in to hopelessness or despair. Don’t Give Way to Despair In a situation of crisis. fear. Rise superior to the trials and turbulations of life. worry. be calm.
plod on and on and on”. Fink has it: “Learning how to relax is an important step towards better living. For with this flexibility comes self-reliance. some situation. to adjust yourself to unforeseen difficulties..is time to keep on bravely. Relaxation means more than supple muscles and freedom from fatigue. With a positive outlook on life. estimate why you feel inferior and then try to rectify the situation. Let life carry you instead of struggling to force yourself. Here are five tips for overcoming the sense of inferiority: (1) Get to know yourself—your weaknesses and your strength. Relaxation Apart from the above strategies there is another way of releasing your tension. “Certainly it can be done— and I can do it. (5) Do your best and leave the rest. It means the ability to bend with the storm.” Relaxation not only prevents disease and increases your energy but it also enables you to think clearly and it frees the personality. Realised that there is no such thing as an inferior person. (4) Don’t be afraid of other people but learn to appreciate them. “When the
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.H. Indeed as Dr D. Only a person relaxed physically.” We were born to succeed not to fail. to those with faith to believe and God-given strength to endure. say to yourself. “To the brave and resolute. there is one thing only to do .. Overcoming Sense of Inferiority Study the situation. Observes Dr Rogers Vittoz. advises Francis Gay. mentally and emotionally is the fulfilled happy person. It is that of cultivating the habit of relaxation. It gives you a sense of aliveness. (2) Build up the image of yourself succeeding. you can always take Dr Weeke’s advice and “float” into it. If you find a difficulty in facing. a freedom from the fear of the future which spoils today for many people. (3) Minimize the difficulties.
Your aim should be to relax your whole body perfectly during sleep and rest. We shall not exist. going on long trips in the automobile and the like—is not true relaxation. reading exciting books. emotions and body are working in harmony—the person is not only without fear but is also able to make decisions easily and frequently taps a source of creative ability of which he was completely unaware. Says a psychologist. Edison. “It is difficult to imagine a person relaxed while attending an exciting sports event or while enthusiastic about some hobby. jealousies and possessiveness. His arms. Dail has pointed out diversion—attending cricket games. “We hug our negative feelings to ourselves because we are afraid that without them we shall be nothing. and cultivate a positive attitude.human personality is completely freed—that is when the mind. (1) Physical Relaxation: Throw yourself on a bed two or three times a day and let yourself go limp like an old sock. Really limp I mean. There is complete muscular rest with tendency to sleep. your resentments. But it we put positive-mindedness in place of our poisonous resentPersonality and YOU 56
.” Three Ways to Relax There are three kinds of relaxation: (1) physical.” True relaxation consists of perfect muscular rest. Pour down the drain all your irksome injustices. Roosevelt and Churchill were masters of the art of cat-napping. As Dr C. legs and neck are limp and he feels heavy and difficult to handle. Most of these activities tend to excite and produce muscular tension and loss of sleep. He is then happy.W. The catnappers probably have the most valuable approach to physical relaxation. In it there is not even a muscular flicker. (2) emotional and (3) philosophical. The best example of muscular relaxation is seen in a baby soon after he falls asleep in your arms. (2) Emotional Relaxation: Don’t take your worries to bed. If you practise them they are yours for they will reduce unwanted tension to the minimum.
“You can’t be beaten unless you surrender. Hope is upto you and it comes from deciding to trust yourself. Relax into the philosophical awareness that attitudes. Things need never remain the same. fear. If at the same time you can let go of self pity. resignation. And as Casson puts it. determination and cheerfulness. courage. not circumstances. (3) Philosophical Relaxation: Don’t be the prisoner of despair. Schindler advises: “When you catch yourself starting a thought that will produce a stressing emotion like worry.ments. positive thinking heals. we not only lose our tensions but we discover a new world of serenity and enjoyment. relaxes and enlivens the psyche. and substitute thinking that brings a healthy emotion like equanimity. anxiety.” Negative thinking weakens and poisons the psyche.” Dr John A. discouragement or the like.”
Personality and YOU
. bitterness and possessiveness. Always look ahead with hopefulness. Regardless of your circumstances you can still decide to think hopefully. Prisoners who have survived affirm the importance of a willingness to always think hopefully. William Nichous who rescued from more than three years imprisonment in a Venezuelan jungle where he was held by rebels in the most primitive conditions attributed his survival to never abandoning hope and living one day at a time. The importance of personal hope and trust cannot be over-emphasized. fear and pessimism. strengthens. you will find yourself in a world that has no use for tension. apprehension. create events. That is the point. STOP IT.
It takes a lot of self-confidence for people to consult their internal resources to determine what they want to do. and never stop fighting. they use the only other standards available—comparisons with others. Self-comparison is virtually a universal malady. Cooley calls a social self of this sort the reflected or looking-glass self: Each to each a looking-glass Reflects the other that doth pass
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. How easy it is to follow the crowd and take refuge in gregariousness. afflicting all but the toughest of resisters. “To be nobody but myself in a world which is doing its best. How do you know that you are intelligent?—you compare yourself to others. The first is a destructive art. Following one’s own bent is a tough job. How do you know if you are stable? Charming? Poised? Successful? Actualized?—by checking out how others around you are doing and then deciding where you fit in the comparison scale.Get Out of the Comparison Trap
Endemic Disease Comparing yourself with others to determine how you should conduct your own life is an endemic disease in the world. night and day. You look outward for your behavioural cues and consequently comparison-vision dictates most of your judgements. still more destructive. Two Games There are two games in the comparison trap : the game of selfcomparison and the game of allowing yourself to be compared. and when people don’t have that self-esteem. means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight. to make you everybody else”. the second.
Even deadlier is the game of allowing yourself to be compared by others. They don’t allow that.” “They want it this way. that of a low status person from a reducing looking-glass.” Be on the alert: don’t walk into these traps. You don’t have to be a compulsive non-conformist who looks at the way people conform and sets out to be exactly the opposite. That’s the way they do things.?” “Why can’t you be like your father?” “This is what God wants you to do. when it comes to deciding what you want. The self of a high-status person is reflected from a magnifying glass. without needing to be like everybody else if only because you are a unique personality and couldn’t be just like all the others even if you really wanted to be. Einstein once said. You must outgrow your pernicious self-comparison habits and develop internal standards to evaluate your life and its style. “Great spirits have always encountered vioPersonality and YOU 59
. You are robbed of your individuality and by playing the sedulous ape to others you become a lost and hopeless victim of the pernicious game—a sort of copy cat or a discreet sheep.The looking-glass self. It deprives you of internal security as you cannot be certain how others assess you. You have to use your inner commonsense.. The self-comparison game is deadly because in it your assessments of yourself are always controlled by something outside you which you cannot regulate.. They play a variety of comparison games to keep you from realizing your objectives or to manipulate you into doing what they want you to do. They use such sentences to keep you from reaching your own goals: “Why aren’t you more like. low status persons tend to get cues from others that further depress their low status. in other words. A recent research study indicates that high-status persons tend to get cues from others that further enhance their high status. is the person’s self-image which is formed on the basis of perceiving how others react towards him.
” As a psychologist has it. That way lies fulfilment. As Jung observes perceptively: “Personality can never develop unless the individual chooses his own way. rather than an other-directed or tradition-directed person. He does not walk on the well-trodden path.” As George Santayana puts it. consciously and with moral deliberation. you’ll have to use your self as your first and last consultant. Avoiding the comparison trap is essential to the development of personality which means “fidelity to the laws of one’s being”. he blazes a new trail. but he is not always himself”. for two reasons: you are unique in the world and you are always alone. Thou canst not then be false to any man. they never create. “Man is always an individual. or as they want you to be. Have a good look at yourself and your very personal aspirations. as the night the day. Resist their suggestions and your own temptation to look outside yourself for model. “If you want to achieve your own greatness. Comparisons make no Sense Comparisons in fact make no sense. People who are interested in having you to be as they are. and appreciate the absurdity of running your life on the basis of comparisons with others. says Jung.” Avoid Hero Worship Be your own hero. He is an inner-directed person. Be yourself. A French proverb has it. “To compare is not to prove.” While the conformists follow. And it must follow.lent opposition from mediocre minds. Shakespeare has the last word on the need to avoid the comparison trap: To thine own self be true. will repeatedly remind you of how others are doing things to give you solid examples to follow. The non-conformist alone is a creative person.” Preserve your identity.
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. “Comparison is the expedient of those who cannot reach the heart of things compared. Don’t expect to be like any one else.
unique and inimitable being and not ‘life in general’ since there is no such thing. No body else can walk it for you. think and feel in your own unique way.” In the light of this notion it hardly makes sense that you should use anyone’s example as a reason for your doing or not doing anything. think of this line by Ibsen: “The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone. ultimately each one of you is alone. No one can do for you what you must do for yourself: You got to walk that lonesome valley. Existential aloneness can be a source of great strength as well as a source of big trouble. Your inevitable existential aloneness means that your human existence is inescapably predicated on your being along with your unique feelings and thoughts.There is only one YOU and you take that YOU wherever you go. You will still perceive. “Man is a rebel. No one is even remotely like you in terms of your innermost feelings. Whenever you are tempted to use other peoples’ lives as models of how you should run your own. As a grown up. and creative courage. Design your own life style and follow it with calm self-confidence. “is always an exception. It is so because it is always the life of an individual who is a distinct. you can never do it. In spite of all pressure on you and the constant reminders that you must be like other folk. “Life”. thoughts and desires. a statistical random sample.” Must you conform? The answer is a resounding No! As Robert M.
Personality and YOU
.” Give free play to your individuality. Follow your own bent of mind no matter what other people say. No other solution will do. He is committed by his biology not to conform. Linder puts it. You got to walk it by yourself. says Jung. You got to walk it by yourself. Never follow the crowd.
These could form separate themes for further issues. Some suffered from security complex and remained tied to the present stagnation.. The erroneous zones could be multiplied. regrets gnawing at his heart. Stop being a drifter. however elementary it might seem or sound.Step Out from Your Erroneous Zone
There could be more than one erroneous zones for an individual.. There are powerful reasons for it. a waif. Now. Another may feel hurt because he has not achieved what he wanted because of his laziness or insufficient zeal and effort. call him your-owndeath. He may be aware of some. is one’s failure to take charge of one’s self. like the waif on the turbulent waters of the sea. Dyer gives an excellent reason which cannot be improved upon. we mortals know nothing about it. “Look over your shoulder. You can fear this visitor or use him for personal gain. certain as well as it keeps no time-table. Even if it does. The most significant. Others have identified their erroneous zones as inability to identify their goals properly. You have to take charge of yourself.
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. The drifter. The choice is up to you.” Death is inevitable. While most remain undeveloped because they do not have the enough courage to break loose from convention. Yet others may have wasted precious time and energy seeking others’ approval which was not needed. For want of a better name... There could be some who procrastinated beyond what was necessary. Dr W. does not reach anywhere. Some could not break away from the past or free themselves from wasting emotions like worry and guilt. You will notice a constant companion. should you remain at the mercy of circumstances.W. unaware of others.. life being uncertain and short. . One person may be handicapped because of his unhappy past.
a neurotic remains a neurotic. A true index of intelligence is an effective. the alternative is obvious. In other words. bookish excellence and a measure of achievement. He continues to spread unhappiness. Let the opportunity arise. Shed this notion. write and compute at fast speed which will astonish others and flatter you. You must have come across scores of people who are unable to overcome some personality minus points all their life. To read. When you prepare yourself to take charge of yourself. You may also think that solution of abstract equations is yet another. of superfluous events is very intelligent. It is bound to rub you the wrong way. For example. you have been nursed on the notion that intelligence involves formal education.
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. you will think of taking charge of yourself. It is commonly believed that a person who has a staggering memory. You will shed crippling doubts and fears. You have to look them straight in the face and bury them. put you on trail of success and achievement. it should be yours and you should be able to put it to the best use.Others? Not do things which you want to do? The point is: you can let death make you ineffectual or use it to help you learn effectively. The most haunting will be the notion that intelligence is measured by one’s ability to solve complicated problems. You will be deflated. you will be confronted with several mental ghosts which will begin to haunt you. It is its right application. If your stay on this earth is so brief. You will live all your life the way others say you must. Make your own choices. Let’s have a look around. If you do not. It encourages a kind of intellectual snobbery. It is not accumulation of such information that counts. Here is a useful tip: Ask yourself: “How long am I going to be dead?” Most people ask themselves: How long they are going to live? See the point? The first question will awaken you from your mental stupor. useful life lived from moment to moment. The next time you think about yourself and your priorities. has mastered one subject or has a sponge like mind remembering dates. time etc.
disease. How is that despite this some people are able to steer clear of unhappiness and dejection that stem from these circumstances while others buckle down and sink in blues? Those people who have conditioned their thinking in such a way that look upon problems as human condition and do not measure happiness by an absence of problems are the most intelligent. Their nerves are under their control. thinks that the whole world is hostile to him. there are always forces working against the individual in society.is suspicious. “You can begin to think of yourself as truly intelligent on the basis of how you choose to feel in the face of trying circumstances. The astonishing truth is there is no breakdown because the nerves do not break. The reason? He has not taken charge of himself. Because you must have been
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. People who have stepped out from their erroneous zones. Successful people do keep this balance. Rather than measuring their intelligence on the basis of whether they can solve a problem or not. It might surprise you to learn that this does not necessarily mean solving their problems in a jiffy or with a magic wand. Conflicts. When you decide to take charge of yourself. They remain in control of themselves because they are in full awareness of their potential. Hence the task is not easy but it is not impossible. What happens to him ultimately? He suffers from a nervous breakdown.” With some variations here and there each one of us has to face problems whose nature is not very different. frustration and failure are common to us all. not vice versa. Additionally. Do they succeed? Watch people carefully. They know how to ward of depression. deaths. sorrows. they do it on the basis of whether they can keep their balance in the face of it or not. disagreements. you will have to recast your thinking. do not suffer from nervous breakdowns because they have taken charge of themselves. Not the least. This may read sensational. The only sure way is to put faith in your own ability to feel emotionally whatever you choose to feel at any time in your life. He lives on others’ thinking. Dr Dyer says. He has not emerged from his particular erroneous zone. injury.
If you think. They just happen as day and night and nobody can do a thing about them. One commits suicide. We can choose positive encouraging reactions. Both fail. What is the logical consequence of this reasoning? It is simple: feelings are not just emotions which occur to us. What happens. You have not controlled death You have not controlled sorrow. Direct advantages flow from your realisation that you can choose your reactions. Many a time you must have thought that certain situations. That is emerging from your erroneous zone. negative reactions. You have not taken charge of yourself. We can choose destructive. Thoughts come first. your unhappiness stems not from them
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. The most important is that even without bookish excellence you would be called and known as intelligent. the other tries again and succeeds. You alone control the entry of thoughts into your mind. Two youngmen sit in a prestigious examination. One can draw only one sure and irrefutable conclusion from the foregoing: if you control your thoughts (your feelings stem from them) then you are capable of controlling your feelings too. It is not necessary to control them. These are reactions we have conditioned ourselves to produce for given situations. What are your options? Feeling sorrow is natural. That is taking charge of yourself. Emotion is justified. It begins from working on your thoughts. But if you refuse to accept the unhappy event you will find yourself wasting away without knowing what is happening to you. it is untrue. ask yourself who is then? Is it your shadow? Your father. Your hurt. Nothing could be more misleading. There is a compelling need to control your thinking apparatus. The control over feelings does not begin directly. You are the sentinel guarding your mental gates. It is up to us. It is absolutely necessary to accept them. Yet you have come out of it unscathed. mother. friends or what? If any of these are guarding your mental gates. See the difference! It is absolutely important for you to know that you can choose your reactions. you are unguarded. Suppose death may occur. things or individuals hurt or make you unhappy.nursed on thinking that you cannot control emotions because they are natural.
emotionally healthy person. it is because you have thoughts about the friend that he would be faithful. there would be no hurt.but from your thoughts about them. Shedding your complexes. Simply. your new feelings will begin to emerge and you will have taken the most vital and significant step towards emerging from your erroneous zone. It involves adopting a different thinking approach. stepping out from your erroneous zone means becoming a free and mentally. Once you embark upon the interesting journey of changing your thoughts.
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. That is why betrayal from a stranger does not hurt you but betrayal from a friend does. Had you nursed yourself on the thought that he could let you down any time.
attracting those very forms to yourself. If necessary. often overlooked. an eminent authority on the subject says: “This image magnetizes and guides the energy of the universe to flow into the form you are creating. sense or just feel what you are creating. during the course of your thinking and living. it is quite easy. The simple technique employed here is to consciously choose mentally acceptable images. In fact. S. The first requisite is an open. But you must choose or create those images which you want to manifest clearly in your life. Gawain. By picturing or sensing what you want to manifest in life. Is it not a fact that your mind is filled with an endless succession of images and thoughts? You are constantly projecting these images onto the world.Discover Your Creative Channels
One great secret of success and achievement. and eventually it manifests on the physical plane. It is a serious fallacy to think that this creative visualization is rather hard to acquire. Think for yourself. On the contrary. these have to be created. It is almost like creating a golden dream and then putting it into practice. creative visualization is something which most of us do in our daily life almost each minute. receptive mind. It is a process by which you can consciously create your own reality and can create it the way you want. These images can be called the blue-prints of your creative thinking. It is not important how clearly you see the mental image because you may also hear. is creative visualization. creating your experiences. The next step is to project them with confidence and self-assurance. The entire exercise besides being profitable is highly pleasurable. you are. You must clear the decks of your mind for further action.”
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. This is a broad term.
Even if your objectives are in harmony with your real essence. If you are negative and afraid. For example. It is pertinent to ask: why do many people fail to create positive visualization? Why do they impose on themselves miserable. for getting closer to those forces which transform human life. You may be pursuing goals which are opposed to your creative visualization. What you believe in. You may be striving foolishly hard to create something not in harmony with your real essence. you should be willing to accept the best. This should be viewed as an opportunity for development. It is an amazing phenomenon of nature and human psychology that the positive manifests in your life straight but the negative does it indirectly. it may be said that this visualization means whatever you think of yourself at the deepest level. There is another dimension to it. have a sense of perfection. Nothing short of it. you will attract the very situations you are seeking to prevent. there could be other limitations. shrunken and negative lives? The answer is plain and simple: you get into your life whatever dominates your thinking. You can. lack self-assurance and are ridden with anxiety.In simple terms. It is these forces which have lifted millions of so-called ordinary mortals and converted them into immortals. Call it visualization. Another pertinent question is: what can one do when the phenomenon refuses to work? Let’s prevent the negative. One need not give examples. in your own limited way. The world is here to give you what you want provided you make the right amount of effort in the right direction. Review your visualization. This is possible only when you change your beliefs and thought-patterns. You have to work on dissolving your self-made limitations. To go a step further ahead. you may be nursing
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. If you want creative visualization to be an operative factor in your life. you attract into your lives whatever you think about the most. Think cool. It may be equally or more surprising to know that many of us have a difficult time accepting what we want because we adopt limiting beliefs about ourselves right from the early stages of our life.
Unless you honour your whole self.feelings of unworthiness about your own self. Your visualization could be correct and high but if you are not treating yourself well. it is possible to get beyond their crippling effects. Nonetheless. this is the part of your being which feels and is really receptive. on the other hand. you run the risk of clogging your creative channels. Modern scientific research has discovered that the two hemispheres of the human brain perform two separate functions. You must be willing first and then make the necessary effort to go past such barriers. activity. You have to be equally considerate to your intuitive self. even if you visualize the best but treat yourself in an unworthy fashion. Unconscious procrastination in a serious problem. Your ideas about people might be equally discouraging. If the intuition tells you to go ahead with something and you go on ignoring its dictate. Or you could be avoiding things which need immediate attention. the manifestation of creativity will not be whole.
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. The left one is for thought which is concerned with rationality. If you do not listen to your intuition. You can certainly become bigger than your difficulties. The right one. Another serious setback or danger you are likely to face involves defaulting on your responsibility system. masculinity and is out-going. If you want to cash on the creativity to the optimum. They have lofty ideals and aspirations but in actual conduct of themselves they do not treat themselves as well as they should. is involved with what may be called ferminine. your creativity is bound to suffer. It is quite possible that you have accumulated negative attitudes on life itself. All these factors taken together prevent the desired visualization. It may read far fetched but it is a telling psychological reality that you could be mistreating yourself. For. Without your knowing you could be acting is irresponsible manner. you reduce your creative potential. you are setting counter-currents to your own creative ability. It deals with intuition and feeling. This is a potentially vast area where lots of people trip. In other words. you have to use both hemispheres equally well.
The first is that supporting the intuitive channel in the physical world means asserting yourself. Experience them. wrapping yourself in a cocoon in order to safeguard this energy will result in stoppage of the source itself. do not confuse creative channels and their use with hackneyed phrase “positive thinking”. there is an attempt to eliminate negative thinking. you need not struggle against negative thoughts. Last. Or they will begin to rust. Withdrawal from the physical. Once they close off.
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. The well-springs of creative channels once found should not be permitted to rest. Often people who develop the channel tend to withdraw from life failing to assert themselves. This will be your creative channel. Lest these impulses should play havoc. It acts as a kind of censor board over the feminine or the intuitive part. Since the mind has two sides—masculine and feminine—both should be allowed to play their respective parts. instead. This is the know-how of latest in creativity which can be termed as the technology of the soul. the censor board begins to operate by checking. It is the latter which originates ideas. This effective balance will result in maximum utilization of your crativity. The two are vastly different in concept and application. The rational or the masculine part seldom inspires. analysing and applying brakes. then rationally processed by the masculine part. Let the impulses be originated. and replacing it with brighter thoughts. In creative-channel process. The main stress is on discovering the hidden creativity and putting it to the maximum use. But sometimes you must be willing to let go of your own ego-plans to let the powerful force shape itself. Thus it is essential for you to have a trusting relationship with your intuitive self so that you are not misled by wayward impulses.You are aided by an infinite intelligence which is ever at your beck and call. In positive thinking. You must be on guard against two conflicts. it will be difficult to recharge them. correcting.
money problems. many of us bring on our own misfortune. due to faulty judgement or some other reason. come to all of us. and often
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. While we are all capable of making serious mistakes the important thing is profit from our said experiences. troubles. Life is very unpredictable. The fact that none can feel totally secure in anything subjects us to a common frustration. But it is also true that many of us often become the innocent victims of “the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune”.It’s Human to have Troubles
You cannot stop the birds of trouble from flying over your head. We are all in the same boat trying to make the most of life. When troubles come to us. as the sparks fly upwards. job worries and a host of other kinds of frustrations. We cannot always zigzag from life’s difficulties. Assuming the philosophical attitude that any one at any time can suddenly be confronted with a serious problem because of unforeseen circumstances makes us realize that no one is exempt from life’s frustrations: “Man is born unto trouble. but you can prevent them from making nests in your hair. No one knows with certainty from one day to the next just what the next day will bring.” We can only be held responsible for those troubles which we have deliberately brought on ourselves. Rich or poor. —Chinese Proverb We All have Our Troubles All of us have troubles—some problems—emotional ups and downs—caused by life’s frustrations. adopting ourselves to each changing situation. Duty to Survive Life’s Troubles True.
life is simply winning through. The famous Dejerine of Paris said. Are You a Chronic Worrier? By ‘worry’ we mean an abnormal concern over something existing or something unpleasant you fear may happen to you. As Martin Gray says in his “A Book of Life” (1975) “Life’s pendulum swings between darkness and light. It is only human to find ourselves in trouble and reacting to it with temporary despondency. “To worry is as foolish and wasteful as driving one’s car into the garage and leaving the motor running all night.” Worry Test Dr Caprio has formulated the following worry test. It is a contrivance that keeps you immobilized in the now about something in the future— frequently something over which you have no control. but the car would not be going anywhere. you no doubt have the personality of neurotic worrier:
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. It will enable you to gain some inkling as to whether you are a chronic worrier. and the like. It destroys health : it can cause premature ageing. cramps. but in the lives of neurasthenics there are ony mountains. A tremendous amount of energy would be consumed. Life has always to be reconquered. As Dr Lloyd Foster aptly puts it. torment and peace. If the majority of your checks are ‘Yes’ answers.” All existence is a struggle. Check the ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ column. A chronic worrier dissipates his energy because the things he worries about seldom happen. It is a form of self-torment. headaches. It is defined as “being immobilized in the present as a result of things going or not going to happen in the future”. Nevertheless to remain continually in the doldrums because of some major frustration is an emotional reaction that is morbid and capable of making you sicker than you would ever want to be.” Excessive worry can bring ulcers. hypertension.“they come not single spies but in battalions” it is only natural that we should have our moods of depression and discouragement. “In our lives there are mountains and molehills. despair and hope. Abnormal worry is frequently the root of unrelieved depression and unhappiness. Ask yourself the following questions.
dying or developing cancer? Yes/No (12) Do you lack confidence in the future? Yes/No (13) Are you superstitious? Yes/No (14) Do you worry about God punishing you? Yes/No (15) Are you a perfectionist? Yes/No (16) Were you brought up by parents who worried to excess? Yes/No (17) Have you always been serious-minded? Yes/No (18) Are you over-sensitive to criticism.Questions (1) Do you bring your work troubles home? Yes/No (2) Are you constantly pre-occupied with Health problems? Yes/No (3) Does the least emotional stress give you a feeling of butterflies in your stomach? Yes/No (4) Do you go from doctor to doctor trying to find out what’s wrong with you? Yes/No (5) Are you overly cautious about everything? Yes/No (6) Do you take a pessimistic view about most things? Yes/No (7) Are you inclined to make mountains of mole-hills? Yes/No (8) Are you over-concerned about what other people think? Yes/No (9) Are you continually worried about the welfare of members of your family? Yes/No (10) Do you dwell on past mistakes? Yes/No (11) Do you worry about going insane. and addicted to brooding over slights? Yes/No (19) Can you trace your worry habit to some painful frustration in the past? Yes/No (20) Do you worry about everyday responsibilities? Yes/No (21) Do you worry about the kind of impression
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. easily offended.
” Don’t think about you all the time If you do so your troubles are likely to get out of hand. Your fears may be groundless. don’t worry about something before it has happened. Molehills will grow into mountains. or the aching
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. Then you recognize for instance that you are not the only person experiencing the loneliness of the hospital bed. and any setback will be seen as more of an obstacle than it actually is. It is necessary to look beyond yourself. Remember: “Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you.you make on other people? (22) Do you constantly talk about the things that worry you to those around you? (23) Must you be constantly reassured that nothing will happen to you? (24) Are you dependent on others to solve your troubles? (25) Do you worry excessively about other people’s troubles and misfortunes? (26) Are your imagined fear associated with something you have read or heard? (27) Are you over-suspicious and doubt the integrity of your friends? (28) Are your money troubles a constant source of worry? (29) Do you have a compulsive need to worry? (30) Are you the type to bite off more than you can chew and then worry about it? (31) Do you lack a sense of humour? (32) Are you afraid to enjoy life?
Yes/No Yes/No Yes/No Yes/No Yes/No Yes/No Yes/No Yes/No Yes/No Yes/No Yes/No Yes/No
How to Manage Your Troubles? Here are some psychologically sound techniques for the management of your day-to-day troubles and frustrations: Don’t Cross a Bridge till You come to it That is to say. for it may never happen.
hasten slowly. You are not the only target of trouble. Says Bertrand Russell. or the cruel frustration of another failure. “We have had some good business. Convince yourself that every problem has a solution Every situational problem has a proper solution. If you must hasten. by study and planning. Don’t ever be too sorry for yourself. Don’t leap in the dark Think carefully before you act. But look at those front doors! If people keep shoving through them. Every minute of every day. to most men. the hinges will be out in another week”. Act with clear understanding to avoid disappointment. It is just a matter of being patient and finding the right answer to your situational-problem. Don’t Look for Trouble An optimist and pessimist went into business together.
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. They are too idealistic and less realistic. It has been one constant run of customers”. “Yeah”. somewhere.” Perfection spells immobility or paralysis. “and waste makes want. Never be too proud or shy to seek outside help. agreed the pessimist dourly. Don’t meet trouble half-way. said the optimist. Trade flourished. Talk Out Your Problems Talk out your problems with someone you think can help you. Merely talking things over with someone provides an outlet for fear and tension. and want makes strife between the good man and his wife”. People are easily frustrated when they allow themselves to act on an impulse. “Well”. “We’ve had a wonderful month. “Real life is. some one lands in trouble similar to yours. a long second-best—a perpetual compromise between the ideal and the possible. or the nagging pain of unavoidable frustration. “Haste makes waste” runs the old saying. Don’t be a Perfectionist Perfectionists are disposed to be easily frustrated because they expect too much of themselves and others.emptiness of bereavement.
Learn to Live Now Learn to live in the present and not waste your current moments in immobilizing thoughts about the past or future. “What’s the worst thing that could happen to me (or them) and what is the likelihood of it occurring?” You will discover the absurdity of worry in this way.Simplify Your Life Don’t deliberately invite complications that will cause worry and anxiety.”
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. Live one day at a time. says H. To run into people who dislike you. Casson. Accept rejection stoically. but millions have laughed themselves into sense and sanity. is to be expected. Accept them as a challenge to your courage. Don’t take yourself and your problems so seriously that you cannot stand back and view the absurdity of taking anything so solemnly. guts and ingenuity. Be Practical Be strictly practical and down-to-earth about your troubles. Lewis Carroll in his ‘Alice Through the Looking-Glass’ speaks about living in the present: ‘The rule is jam less tomorrow and jam yesterday . “There is no other moment to live but now”. “Appreciate the immense value of humour”. Worry-killer Question Ask yourself this worry eradicating question. Make the best and most of here and now. Use your sense of humour when you need it most. says Dr Dyer. but never jam today. How about you? Any jam today? Since it must come sometimes... Lift of Laughter When things go wrong try the lift of laughter.’ ‘It must come sometimes to jam today’ Alice objected. how about now? At the same time don’t look too far ahead. “No man ever laughed himself mad. You cannot please Everybody You cannot always please everyone.N. Think of something to smile or laugh about.
yes to striving. Say yes to trying.” Control Your Emotions Learn to control your emotions. worry and tension. yes to attempting. It is virtually impossible to be depressed and active at the same time. If you decide to do something about your problem rather than grumbling about it. Anything is lots better than nothing. Greatness slumbers within you. but what can I do?” the answer is really very simple. “Yes. Coping with your day-to-day frustrations successfully depends on how well you can control your emotions. you will be on the road to changing things around yourself. “There are still potentialities in you that you cannot even feel”. Are we down-hearted No! Let’em all come! (Charles Knight) Trying is all. Be an actionoriented person. If about your situational-problem you find asking yourself. Gardner). “It is not given to man to know the worth of his efforts.J. “You are capable of deeds you never thought of in your wildest dreams.Power Within Sell yourself the idea that you have a power within you that will help you to meet your adversities courageously—that will enable you to surmount any obstacle. Never stop trying. Have confidence in yourself.
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. says M. Malinski in his ‘One Daily Bread’ (1979). His business as a man is to try” (W. Here We are! Here We Are Again Here we are! here we are!! here we are again!!! There’s Pat and Mac and Tommy and Jack and Joe When there’s trouble brewing. When there’s something doing. Your troubles will pass away if you overcome your inertia and act in the spirit of old song. Act Action is the single most effective antidote for depression.
—Henry Bergon The Queen of All Things Reason is supposed to be queen and mistress of all things. Fantasies and dreams do not stand up very well in the light of everyday reality.. “He who will not reason. is a fool. it is better to be Socrates in prison than Caliban on the throne. Without this guiding lamp we fall into many errors. dreams. As William Drummond puts it.” Reasoning saves us from bigotry. We are guided by emotions and not by reason. Instead of making a wise use of it we flee in panic from it.. As Will Durant has it. are all examples of autistic thinking.
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. as from a dragon. and wishful thinking. he who cannot. It is contrasted with autistic thinking which is as an end in itself and not as a means to an end.He Who Will not Reason .. is a slave.. Positive harm is done when these daydreams become so satisfying that the individual no longer seeks real achievement. and he who dares not. Fantasy.
Homo sapiens. the only creature endowed with reason is also the only creature to pin its existence on things unreasonable. yet most of us don’t listen to it. Reasoning is our best guide in charting our course of life.” But What is Reasoning? Reasoning is realistic thinking which helps us to adjust to the real world. folly and intellectual slavery.. “A life without reasoning is unworthy of man. Often an individual who is dissatisfied with his everyday life has day-dreams of success and gratification. is a bigot..
These are: The Monorail Mistake: The monorail mistake involves going directly from one idea to an other in an inevitable manner. The monorail mistake thus occurs when you follow a single track from one idea to another: Wet—spin-dryer. and ignoring all qualifying factors. Evaluative Reasoning: A third kind of reasoning is evaluating— judging the soundness or appropriateness of an idea or product. Critical thinking is evaluative reasoning. I’ll pop her in the spin-dryer for a few minutes because that is how Mummy dries wet things.” “These pills are red and must be sweets”. Basic Mistakes In every kind of reasoning some basic mistakes arise inevitably. Such mistakes are simple minded mistakes: “Taxes are unfair—let’s abolish them. it is inference from the particular to the general. They are a natural part of the process of thinking.” “We want more money—let’s strike for more money.” “Teachers are there to teach—so teachers know more about
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. then C follows necessarily. says a child helping himself to a handful of iron tablets from the cabinet. Inductive Reasoing: In inductive reasoning the thinker builds from the known to the unknown.There are three kinds of reasoning: Deductive Reasoning: Deductive reasoning is the kind of reasoning exemplified by the syllogism: “If A is true and B is true. Red—sweets.” It is inferring from premises or propositions representing already known facts. Examples are: “The cat has been out in the rain and is soaking wet. Edward De Bono has listed five such fundamental mistakes. For sound and valid reasoning it is necessary to identify these mistakes and to correct them.
may be right if Daddy has indeed caught a big enough fish or it could be horribly wrong if Daddy is not so skilful.” The best way to correct this type of mistake is to accept the idea but follow it further. In this instance something is recognized as being familiar but actually turns out to be something quite different. Instead of saying. Similarly it is obvious that more policemen will stop crime but three extra policemen would not make enough difference and it might be necessary to more than double the police force.” The Magnitude Mistake: Here the idea is right but the magnitude is wrong. you are walking down the street and you recognize the back-view of some one you know very well. you need not buying anything for dinner because Daddy has just caught a fish. “You cannot put the wet cat in the spin-dryer because that is for clothes”. you say. Measurement is the tool to cope with the magnitude mistake. “Daddy has faught a fish—we can all eat it for dinner”. “If you put the cat in the spin-dryer. The back of his head is unmistakeable and the suit is one he often wears. For example.” The movement from the idea of the fish to the idea of eating it for dinner is perfectly valid but the magnitude may be all wrong if the fish caught by Daddy happens to be a two inch tiddler. For example: “Mummy. the idea does not actually fit with the situation.” “Professors are clever—so what he says must be right. You quicken your pace and draw level only to find it is a total stranger. the cat will die. if you had noticed that the man in the street ahead of you had rings
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.teaching than any one else. It is a misfit mistake because the idea of what something is does not fit with reality. The way to correct this type of mistake is to notice all possible features of a situation before coming to a conclusion. For Example. The Misfit Mistake: In a misfit mistake.” “We’ll clear up crime in the streets by putting more policemen on the beat. You do not wait until you have listed every possible feature before you jump to a conclusion. “Put a teaspoonful of shampoo into a cupful of water” is quite different from “Put the shampoo in water”.
there may be a minority of stagnationists. It is also related to personality and training. What may be missed out is the fact that the man has knife with
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. It stops the evolution of an idea. It is a mistake in the future rather than in the past..” (Seneca) “The minority is always in the right. Examples: Friends might sympathize with a wife whose husband has run away and roundly condemn the irresponsibility of the man.. It is a fitting motto for those who want to eliminate some of the arrogance which leads to paralysing rigidity in thinking. Examples: “As civilization advances. They would over-look the fact that she had driven him away by her nagging. poetry almost necessarily declines.) The way to overcome this mistake is to eliminate or minimize arrogance.on his fingers than at once you would have known it could not have been your friend. What is your way? The way does not exist”. The fault is not in the idea itself but in the way it is held or imposed on other people. “Doubt is not a pleasant condition but certainty is an absurd one. The Miss-out Mistake: This mistake arises when one considers only part of a situation and applies the conclusion drawn from it to the whole situation. as Ibsen himself confessed later. shuts out the possibility of other ideas. As Voltaire warned.” (Ibsen) (Why. The Must-be Mistake: This is the arrogance mistake—the fixation of an idea by arrogant certainty.” Nietzsche once wrote: “This is my way .” (Macaulay) “There is no genius without a mixture of madness. A photograph of a policeman hitting a man with a lathi may be used as an evidence of police brutality which is what it looks like. If you base a conclusion on all the available information then that conclusion is as valid as it can be in the circumstances.
for the most part we do not do things because we have reasons for them. Often we manage not only to justify our behaviour. but the wish to find out. “What we need is not the will to believe. Similarly we may point out that the girl we couldn’t get talks too much and will probably lose her figure at an early age. instead of studying or even of marrying some one with whom we are not in love. With a little effort we can soon justify to ourselves the absolute necessity of buying a new car. To come to a valid conclusion about a situation look at it steadily and see it whole. which is the exact opposite”. Rationalizing Desire An other basic mistake in the process of reasoning consists in putting the premium not on evidence but on subtlety. decided that they were sour and not worth having anyway. because we want to do them. but actually to feel righteous about it. Reason may be only the technique of rationalizing desire. The mistake can be overcome when you look at only a part of the situation and do not assume that you are looking at the whole. There are two additional types of rationalization—the sour grapes and sweet lemon mechanisms. one way of reducing the discrepancy between our assumptions of what is desirable and our failure
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. then there is no mistake. As Bertrand Russell has it so well. but because we find reasons for them. We must be on our guard against being communists because we are poor. Typically rationalizing involves thinking up logical and socially approved reasons for our past. of watching T. present or proposed behaviour. Thus Hitler saw the liquidation of Jews not as reprehensible but a noble crusade. Then it becomes like written history. As Aronson and Carlsmith point out. unable to reach clusters of luscious grapes.V. If you look at a part of situation and accept that it is only part. The sour-grapes mechanism is based on the fable of the fox who. It is impossible to tell this from the photograph.which he has just attacked the policeman. or conservatives because our ship is in. a mere advocate of any poweful desire.
More generalized attitudes are: “Every cloud has a silver lining” and ”Everything happens for the best”. Not only is the unattainable not worthwhile. but in liking what you do is the secret of happiness”.to take action is to convince ourselves that the particular goal object is really desirable at all. Although rationalizations are “logical” they are generally based on false premises. If an individual relies too much on them.
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. he may develop unrealistic ways of dealing with life. Barrie: “Not in doing what you like. for ‘money is the root of all evil’. The sweet lemon mechanism is an extension of the sour grape mechanism.M. There is also the sweet lemon philosophy of J. but what we have is remarkably satisfactory. Thus we find comfort in poverty.
The person who is so careful that he never makes a mistake is unlikely to achieve anything of real value. Homer was the greatest of Greek poets. —Samuel Smiles. too. wrote of him. the Roman Poet. Horace. The man who never makes mistakes loses a great many chances to learn something. Take mistakes for granted. the great inventor failed in an experiment. Fear of Making Mistakes Do not be afraid of making mistakes. The fellow who makes no mistakes does nothing and that is an egregious mistake or folly. You can’t get through this world without making mistakes. No man always does the right thing at once. No Man is Infallible It is only human to make mistakes. Even Homer sometimes nods. When Edison. but in a long work it is allowable to snatch a little sleep. he would say cheerfully. All of us are liable to make mistakes now and then. “I.” One of the worst mistake that a man can make is to lose his initiaPersonality and YOU 84
.” Take Mistakes for Granted No creative purposeful man can avoid mistakes. It is better to look forward and to make new mistakes than to look back and do nothing. am indignant when the worthy Homer nods. now we know another thing that can’t be done. You must keep on.He Who makes no Mistakes makes Nothing
Probably he who never made a mistake never made a discovery. “Well. like measles and bad weather.
intelligent or gifted. to make it a second time proves him a fool. To a speaker who compared him to Robespierre. the great British journalist. he said. no matter how brilliant. making mistakes will achieve more than a robot.” President Theodore Roosevelt once said that one out of every four decisions he made was probably wrong. ‘I didn’t think’. In this way they cause themselves and others much suffering. said: “Any man may make a mistake once. second. “History is the torch that is meant to illuminate the past to guard us against the repetition of our mistakes of other days. How little one knows about oneself. History is replete with mistakes because statesmen and kings are not infallible. a frank admission of mistake is a sign of moral courage and enhances one in the estimation of one’s fellow beings. makes mistakes either of fact or of judgement. and much of the world misery is caused because they will do anything but lose face by admitting they are wrong. And most temperamental defects can be overcome. Every one.tive. According to Honery H. There are lots of pigheaded people who will never admit to being fallible even after their mistakes have been clearly pointed out to them. It is the unbeatable man who climbs to the topmost rung of fortune’s ladder in every profession and calling. Knowledge can be acquired. Lord Northcliffe. “I always thought I was Jeanne d’Arc and Bonaparte. An all-alive man. Charles de Gaulle replied.” Mistakes are caused by a lack of knowledge or lack of skill or because of some temperamental defect. What matters is that these should be admitted or rectified before much harm is done. ‘I did not care’. Actually as Claude G. “The causes of mistakes are: first ‘I didn’t know’. Buckley. “about 99%
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. Bowers observes. Don’t Repeat Your Mistakes Certainly no one should make the same mistake twice.” In fact. third.” By removing these causes. Einstein even went further: ‘I am wrong’. Admit Your Mistakes Don’t be ashamed of admitting your mistakes. So can skill. the repetition of a mistake can be prevented.
“Experience is the mother of wisdom”. I’ll step over and see him. is a true saying. and while you can always learn from it. for one of the surest ways to learn is by trial and error. instead of discussing how can you grow from your past errors or what can be done now you are a victim in a no-escape pitfall. or to agonize over how you might have it done. Your past mistakes are a handful of dust.” Forget Your Mistakes Many people play safe. provided we learn from them. Such people were the Bourbons of whom Talleyrand said. to be reminded of how you did this or that.” During the American Civil War. They avoid the risks that lead to success because they cannot forget their mistakes. “the most obvious thing about which you can do nothing is your past behaviour. signed an order transferring certain regiments. “To chew the old cud endlessly. and they are not repeated again and again.” The remark was leaked to Lincoln. “Lincoln is a damn fool for ever signing it. any time you find yourself quarrelling about how you should or should not have done something. but Stanton. Secretary of State. you cannot undo what you have done.” He adds. For. even God cannot change the past. who agreed. and some times change the effects that are continuing into the present. are all victim responses you can challenge.” Don’t let mistakes put you off trying the same thing again. Do it
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. Everything that you ever did is simply over. As Dr W. Dyer has it. meaning we learn by our mistakes.” As you can only live in the present it is absurd and self-negating to let yourself be hurt about your past mistakes. and how you should have done it. refused to implement it saying. Lincoln. The only complete mistake is the mistake from which we learn nothing. Therefore.of the time. Learning from Mistakes The admission of mistakes as well as forgetting about past mistakes is salutary. “They have learned nothing and forgotten nothing. to please a politician. “If Stanton said I am a damn fool then I must be for he is nearly always right.W.
Regard them as such and then each will be a step behind you as you ascend the ladder of wisdom.” Viscount Melbourne said of Macaulay.” He relates a homely experience from which he learned a lesson: “When I was a small boy in India. a donkey. “Taught by Experience” : A lion. Don’t be like the cat that sat on a hot stove. The cocksure who know it all are brought down to earth. How men can learn wisdom by seeing the misfortunes of others is illustrated by Aesop’s fable.” Every mistake teaches us to learn as much as possible before we take action. The wise old Ben said. “After crosses and losses. When they had taken a quantity of game. Stressing the educative value of mistakes a psychologist observes. leaving only a few trifles for himself and told the lion to make the choice. She will never sit on a hot stove again or for that matter on a cold stove. The lion asked who taught him to share things in that way. Surely it is better to keep out of trouble by not repeating the foolish behaviour of others than it is to do as they did and suffer in the same way. and I came flying down with a thump. The fox collected nearly all of it into one pile. “Mistakes should be regarded not as failures but as steps in our education through life. The donkey divided it into three equal parts and bade the lion choose one on which the lion leapt at him in a fury and devoured him. It exhibits the value of preparation. he replied. the lion told the donkey to share it out. “I wish I was as cocksure of anything as Tom Macaulay is of everything. tearing off my clothes as I reached the ground for I was covered with tiny red ants that nipped viciously. I climbed a mango tree and as I reached for a succulent ripe mango my triumph evaporated—a thousand needles seemed to pierce every inch of my body.
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. One of the lessons that mistakes teach us is humility. Then he told the fox to divide it. and a fox formed a partnership and went out hunting. men grow humbler and wiser.better the next time and avoid the mistakes you made before. I learnt then that mango trees harbour these insects and ever after used a ladder or forked stick to get the fruit.” We can also learn by other men’s mistakes. “What happened to the donkey”.
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.” Sum-total of Wisdom The lessons we learn from our mistakes and other’s mistakes.“Wise men”. Last Word It is not always easy to profit by mistakes. This is the substance of the art of success. Don’t be afraid of making mistakes and don’t be ashamed of admitting them but make sure to profit by them. If we learn the lesson we ripen. says. “use the experience that others have paid for. If we do not learn we rot. is the sum-total of wisdom we acquire in our journey through life. But it always pays. Herbert Casson.
“What’s nice about it? Only things ever came out of Green Bay are the Packers and ugly whores. As a psychologist puts it. the thing to do and say what is right and good and wise. although it includes good manners and courtesy. meaning (sense of) touch.” The second responded.” “Now wait just one minute. —Jean Cocteau Tact is a very important trait of plus personality.” “Oh”. said the first man. the other replied.How to Cultivate Tact
Tact consists in knowing how far we may go too far. Tact is a sort of sixth sense. It derives from the Latin ‘tactus’. It knows and feels instinctively in any given situation what would be unwise and improper. It is. “It is a subtle perception of the suitable things to do or say. It is also a sensitive perception of the thing not to do or say.” Tact is more than etiquette. “It’s a real nice place. “She is? What position does she
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. It is a sort of extra—a touch. Wisconsin came up. you son of a bitch”. “My wife is from Green Bay. a worthwhile effort to cultivate it. What is tact? Tact may be defined as intuitive perception of what is fitting especially of the right thing to do or say. The first man said. to rub them the right way and not to create antagonism. Just as will it knows. adroitness in dealing with persons or circumstances. Stories about tact The following stories illustrate the practice of tact: Two men were meeting in a bar when the subject of Green Bay. therefore. Being tactful involves not making it easy for other people to hurt themselves and consideration for their feelings point of view and responsibilities.
but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed. Talent makes a man respectable. Never help an old lady across the street. the cameraman sighed “but you must remember that I was eight years younger then. “I can’t understand it”. one of the ugliest of men. It is gift to the prized and coveted in every walk of life.” A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking.
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. tact is momentum. used to say. that in winning the graces of a lady. Such is the magic of tact that Wilkes. “In the battle of existence. tact is delighted that it has succeeded. tact will make him respected. “The last time I posed for you.play?” A glamorous Hollywood star had her picture taken and fumed at the result. No one can afford to be without it.” As an anonymous writer has it: Talent is power. Talent knows what to do. Talent is wealth. Cost of tactlessness Tactlessness means disregard for the feelings. Talent is pleased that it ought to have succeeded. point of view and prestige of other people. Value of tact Tact is of vital importance in human relations.” “Ah. Says Wilson Mizner. tact knows how to do it. tact is ready money. the photographs were heavenly. Talent is weight. she said. there was not more than three days’ difference between him and the handsomest man in England. escort her. yes”. It lubricates the entire machinery of living and prevents friction. It is a want of consideration. Talent is the punch and Tact is the clever foot-work. tact is skill. It carries one through a difficulty better than either talent or knowledge.
Behnes opened the conversation with—“Any news. they can also cut like a knife. Mr Behnes. A tactless act or word may sometime prove disastrous. The difference between a man of tact and of no tact whatever is exemplified in an interview which once took place between Lord Palmerston and Behnes. What you feel.” Words can heel a wound.” Do not underestimate the importance of little things. I don’t know: I have not seen the newspapers!” Poor Behnes. Human nature is the same all over the world. In your approach to other people what appears a trifle to you may be anything but a trifle to them. they feel and what hurts you hurts them.Tactlessness may cost a man his job. “Disaster comes out of the mouth. was one of the many men who entirely missed their way in life through want of tact. How to cultivate tact Though tact is partly the gift of nature. No one can afford to be tactless. Here are some techniques for doing so: Little things Sherlock in “A case of identity” says. Worse still it may cost him friends.
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. It involves rubbing the other the wrong way and creating hostility. In the course of a single day you meet men and women who are made of the same human stuff as you are. “Really. and quietly replied. A Chinese proverb has it. It may cost him money. sculptor. So realize the importance of little things. from France? How do we stand with Louis Napoleon?” The British Foreign Secretary raised his eyebrows for an instant. with many excellent qualities and lots of real talent. “It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are definitely the most important. it is yet capable of being cultivated and developed by observation and experience. not into it. Human understanding Cultivate also the human understanding. At the last meeting which Lord Palmerston gave him. my Lord. In human relations little things matter much.
which would raise a smile or provoke a haw-haw.” By exercising self-identification you will avoid many egregious blunders in dealing with people and learn what it means to be tactful. “It is not enough to say. As a gentleman respects himself. His altruism enables him to put himself in the other person’s place. How you say it? Not only what you say. may be resented by a very different type of person. say Robert A. but how you set about
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. One spoken out of season may be a thumping blunder. either by word or by deed. Stretch your mind about other people. Ask yourself: “If I were this man with his feelings. Timing Timing is of the essence of tact. his difficulties. treat him right. Not only what you do. Choose your moment.Reckon also with the differences in people. are important. Imagination In cultivating the art of tact imagination too plays a part. and when you say it. It should be the psychological moment—the psychologically appropriate moment. rings the bell. how would I think about things? How would I feel?” Often a little imagination of this sort would save you from asking tactless questions and gauche remarks. A remark made by you may be ill-timed and so provoke hostility. “Only by doing this (self-identification) can we know him. A jocular or factious remark to one person. Jackson. Saying or doing the right thing at the right moment is the core of tact. the quiet and the impulsive. his experiences. Be a gentleman A true gentleman scrupulously abstains from inflicting pain on an other person. his attitudes. A word spoken in due season. but also how you say it. get a right view of him. so does he respect others. and try to understand them—the hearty and the reserved. He has the gift of tolerance. We must be that person as he is”. You must study your man. ‘If I were in his shoes’.
relates the following story which illustrates the point: “We were away in London. To be tactful is to be truly human. “and nothing pertaining to man is alien to me. says Goethe. In his “memories”. “I am a man”. said Terence. The right thing at the wrong time can be disastrous. and a time which is inappropriate. says a psychologist “is a thing of the heart.” It is not something that can be manufactured. Sir Julian Huxley.” An older person told. but on the whole it makes for pleasant relations.” A thing of the heart “True tact”. If an individual is not in the mood. for the implication is after all that he does look old. ‘Oh. sympathy. It is born of courtesy. To say. be quite. The comment. graciousness and goodwill. it would be an unforgivable affront. “Do this” as a peremptory order may antagonize or create resentment. however right you are.” Why is it that people are so guilty of treading on other’s corns rubbing them the wrong way? Often we find that they are unconscious of the hurt they inflict. consideration. That causes one many vexations in individual cases. Say. Afterwards they may apologize by
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. “You look well”. care. but to tell him “You look well for your age”. To be human means to be kind and sympathetic to our fellow beings. Can’t you see I’m busy dying’. “Will you be so good as to do it. a serious young man seeking guidance from the old prophet received this snub.” “As regards people in general”.doing it. or is too busy with other things or is obviously upset about something or other.G. “Show them every politeness without looking for thanks. you are not likely to get the best response. empathy. and know not only what you want to say but how best to broach the matter that is tact. when his (H. A time to every thing There is a time to every thing under the heaven—a time which is appropriate. “How you have aged” can be made only behind his back. Be careful of your approach. One of his last visitors. if said directly to him. would feel flattered. Wells’) illness entered its terminal stage in 1946. Think it out. would raise his hackles.
It is not power. it is wiser to act.” Make no mistake. for the sake of one’s own happiness. “I didn’t intend anything of the sort. As a guide for action. When we love people and genuinely care about them we become acutely sensitive to anything which might hurt or deflate them. The opposite is equally true. No personal interest. It is love. not caring—that is the root of the trouble. use your head.”
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.saying. It is not rank. It is the foundation of human relations. Heart power is the greatest of all prime movers. they could never have said or done what they did. “the ultimate human answer to the ultimate human question”. They never gave a thought to how other people might feel. use your heart. It is not money. To handle yourself. to handle others. If they had given a moment’s thought. “It is love that makes the world go round. As the old song has it. Dr Eric Beines’ advice makes excellent sense: “When in doubt. feel and think from love than from hate.