01-09-12 Tears I again began to realize I dont know I am. I began to feel that realization in my body.

My physical being experienced the emotions as tingling sensations, a feeling that my breathe is being taken away. My body is tingling and is filled with energy, vibrant energy. I am conscious of my experience. There is a sense of terror that I see, that the I which I thought myself to be was the Real Self. I cried in agony, flowing tears, a few minutes ago. My body expressed physically, the emotional pain of becoming aware that I am not what I thought myself to be. The I who I have identified as my Self is truly the small self. I am identified with the ego. That is that I live in the world of the ego, in consciousness. So it is I who am afraid. It is I who lives in this pain body experiencing emotional pain on a daily basis. I have known, existentially, that I dont know who I am, and Im always asking who AM I! I dont know. Thats my quest, to know, to BE! But, a while ago, a dam burst! To feel the emotion of this existential crisis! I am blessed to have experienced so viscerally! It must be a part of healing. I realize that I must give myself to something larger, call it anything, but its the All in All in whom I have my being. I see this as my task, to come to know that larger Self, and to be aware of each moment. And now I go in a placeI dont know where it is, but I arrive, I am here now. I am observing this. If I am observing this, then who am I! Reality check-they are two aspects of the same consciousness.