Total Orgasm

Advanced Techniques for Increasing Sexual Pleasure
by

Jack Lee Rosenberg

Illustrations by Joseph Jaques

A Random House

.

B o o k w o r k s Book

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Copyright © 1973 by Jack Lee Rosenberg All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions First printing: February 1973, Second printing: December 1975, Illustrated by Joseph Jaqua Typeset by Vera Allen Composition Service, Castro Valley, California (special thanks to Vera and D o r o t h y ) Art Editor: Anne Kent Rush Special Editor: Pat Rosenberg Typist: Julanne Crockett Photograph of Jack Rosenberg by J o h n Pearson This book is co-published by Random House Inc. 201 East 50th Street New York, N.Y. 10022 and The Bookworks 2 0 4 3 Francisco Street Berkeley, California 94709 Distributed in the United States by Random House, and simultaneously published in Canada by Random House of Canada Limited, T o r o n t o Please order from Random House. Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data Rosenberg, Jack Lee, 1932Total Orgasm. 1, RA788.R64 ISBN 0-394-48501-7 ISBN 0-394-73167-0 (pbk) Manufactured in the United States of America Exercise. 2. Orgasm. I. Title. 1,500 copies in cloth 50,000 copies in paperback 25,000 copies in paperback

613.7'1

72-12650

to Said

and a special thanks to Phil Curcuruto, my Reichian therapist, from whom I have gained a great deal of knowledge.

It should greatly simplify remembering the sequence of exercises and therefore make their practice easier. Jack Lee Rosenberg 1975 . who see this book as a reference or a guide to their work. Thank y o u . My thanks also to Brev Sinclair who devised the chart of exercises found on page 214 in this edition. Many of the letters commented that the exercises and concepts outlined here were useful: to some they were earth-shattering. This acceptance is most gratifying and rewarding to me. The greatest enthusiasm has come from therapists and counselors in the sexual field.Preface to the Second Edition Since the publication of T O T A L ORGASM in 1973 I have been very pleased with the response that readers have given me by mail and directly in my workshops.

Spirituality and Orgasm How the Book Came to Be 1 7 13 21 29 37 99 109 163 173 187 199 209 .Contents In the Beginning Some Principles How to Work Breathing and Movement Orgasm Exercising Alone Preliminaries for Working with a Partner Working with a Partner Masturbation Joining Together How to Lose your Mind Religion and Sex .

Publisher's Note: This edition of Total Orgasm includes a chart of exercises. which should be a great help both in giving at a glance an overview of the work and in providing a handy tear-out reference page to the structure of the work in progress. . found on page 214.

normal. an obligation. begin to get in touch with excitement. then this book may be for you. I offer here a set of exercises which can do just that. in order to go along with an orgasm. As you practice this pattern. The book assumes that having an orgasm is a natural body event — much like sneezing . Given the right conditions. If you feel that your present sexual relationship is okay. you have to know how to set up the right conditions. but barren of real personal pleasure. good or excellent. For others. there is a continual desire for more and deeper pleasure coupled with the nagging thought that there is no such thing. you will body feelings which until now you may not have known you had. is a kind of reflex action. your orgasm will just happen. You will learn to use your breathing and certain movements to build tension and energy in your body in a pattern which simulates the movements that automatically precede an orgasm. For many people. have to be present for complete orgasm. tension and other that. and we are left with the pure pleasure of it. but you wish to explore the possibility of making it even better. in fact. sexual union is barren of pleasure.the serious work of that coming together is removed. As you 1 . But now that peopling the earth is no longer an urgent goal — in fact it's rather frowned upon in some circles — . and they came together and begat children. like many body events. But.and. and we've been doing it ever since. a performance maybe. all you will have to do once the conditions are set up is go along with it.In the Beginning there was a man and a woman.

basic body therapies such as that of Wilhelm Reich and bio-energetic therapy. and join and physically — and to develop even more poetry of a excitement psychically orgasm. some asanas (exercises) from Hatha Yoga. What I offer here is the result of my own search for answers to personal sex questions together with years of experience teaching the exercises at Gestalt awareness training workshops and with private patients. plus my personal experience and experimentation as a therapist. All this energy is organized into the book. I have drawn into this book elements from Gcstalt awareness training. orgasms which are not forced in any way. you may come to see that previously you attained an orgasm by pushing on yourself. but after I had gotten comfortable with the conviction that anything is all right. There are many books offering " 1 0 2 new positions" or urging us to drop our inhibitions and give ourselves permission to do " a n y t h i n g that feels o k a y . but that fill your entire body and psyche. dance and movement therapies (primarily the work of Ann Halprin).recreate this excitement again and again in your exercises. " Many of these are certainly useful and valid. but which are a natural body event. and that this very pushing blocked any intensity in the orgasm which resulted. orgasms that will leave you nourished and fulfilled as never before. more pleasure than you could before.with time and practice . as you practice these exercises. I wondered where I could go to improve on "all right" and make it better. which can culminate in a complete involvement together in the enjoyment and It is possible . 2 . In fact. you will learn how to allow yourself to tolerate more excitement.to have orgasms that are not limited in feeling to your genital area alone. pleasure Finally. the structural patterning concepts of Ida Rolf and Moshe Feldenkrais. I will show you how to take this increased capacity with your partner for both total and excitement. This book is not a sex manual and not a therapy or substitute for therapy.

you will be able to begin to replace your image of an orgasm with your real experience." T h e limits that he thus sets for himself will stop his development not only in fields that he has decided to abandon but also in other areas. at which he has not succeeded. Wilhelm Reich spent his life developing. he usually abandons the activity that he has found hard to master. a psychology of the body. "1 cannot learn to d a n c e . " or "I am not sociable by nature. The exercises in allow you to experience how you stop yourself from building book excitement and tension and pleasure during intercourse.In Gestalt awareness we teach that in order to change any way of being. they may even influence his entire personality. He establishes a rule for himself. both with our lives and with our bodies. particularly in an orgasm. The key is the concept that until you are aware of what you this are doing you have no choice but to continue doing it. I have drawn from Dr. we acquire an overly limited idea of what we can be like and what we can do. and I owe the greatest gratitude to Ann Halprin. He translated many of Freud's psychological concepts . Moshe Feldenkrais the concept of "self-image": how because each of us behaves according to an image we have of ourselves. then you have a choice whether to continue what you are doing or change it. it is necessary to first become aware of what you are doing now. how you prevent yourself from actualizing your own potential. We emphasize taking responsibility for your own behavior by gaining awareness of what is happening. for instance. This allowed me to develop movements directly associated with the orgastic reflex." or "I shall never understand mathematics. a beautiful person and dancer. and we respond to that image of behavior more than to our feelings. saying. Once you can feel h o w you block yourself. We learn how we are to behave in our sexual relations. how you stop yourself. or that has proved disagreeable in some way. you will have the option to change those blockages. When the individual repeatedly experiences a certain difficulty. The flow of movement leading to the orgastic reflex is like a dance. who shared with me her work in rhythmic movement and breath timing. among other things. The movement exercises in the book will allow you to experience the orgastic reflex as feelings.

It cannot be forced without inhibiting body pleasure. and his therapy included working with a person's breathing to directly effect the autonomic or "vegetative" nervous system. since it takes many years to master. Tantric Yoga. it is the art of letting go slowly. is for the most part not suited to Westerners. it happens when either your psychological or your physiological setting is right (ideally b o t h ) . Orgasm is a reflex. Mountains of literature have been produced on the subject of sex. some offering advice. what holds them together is that they work. many sex manuals or how-to-do-it books offering the reader detailed instructions for having intercourse.into body concepts. and the idea of developing tolerance to pleasurable feelings. then worked directly with these bodily expressions. that there can be no set procedure. My viewpoint is that each person take the responsibility for his own sexual pleasure. Many of the exercise from move in an unaccustomed way. . of allowing yourself to be relaxed. positions 1 use are Yoga. He felt that you express psychic trauma in your b o d y through muscular patterns and tensions. These this attitude books all assume that if you follow steps one. I have drawn from Reich's work his theoretical way of seeing energy flow in the body. Hatha Yoga is the yoga of the body. some heavy t e x t b o o k s full of scientific data. in view of individual differences. I have pleasing a partner or just general information. your sex life will blossom. Each person must learn h o w to get in touch with his own feelings of sexual excitement and learn how to tolerate them and let them grow. but it contributes a theory of psychic joining that is useful to us here and which I will enlarge upon later. the yoga of achieving enlightenment through sexual union. two and three. along with these I borrow the attitude of allowing your body to The book is an eclectic collection of useful tools. and. found must hopelessly unrealistic.

In my experience. but not your of sex. excitement prohibited. that is. enjoyment this is a good means of increasing your tension. Although I have some results that an workshops to begin these exercises with how to be non-orgastic wish women helping experience multi-orgastic . .and with men who have trouble with premature ejaculation. Now let's begin. SPECIAL HEALTH PROBLEMS if you psychological are currently such undergoing as heart in any treatment disease for where a serious any physical or is problem. I want to show you how to give pleasure to yourself. . or any other problem that makes regular problems .Most sex manuals tend to concentrate your attention upon pleasuring your partner. and should be brought to the attention of a therapist. These which or psychotherapy that may be disturbed by arousing your feelings or excitement. this my them could work against using to your if your that in professional emotions doctor had therapist very good treatment. or if you are you begin. anyone who is suffering from continual impotence. show this book to your doctor before exercises will lead you to get in touch with feelings and will increase feels your breathing and your excitement. Such problems are beyond the scope of the book. the inability intercourse impossible. follow your doctor's advice. It can be injurious to both persons if it shifts the responsibility of excitement to someone or something else. . don't do the exercises. I to emphasize to achieve this is not a book for anyone who has severe sex erection. it is easy to fall into a "performance t r a p " where you find yourself always working to please the other person. While it is desireable to bring pleasure to a partner.

the same energy and aliveness that you experience as sexual excitement. you will experience body sensations and perhaps emotions that seem to spring up from nowhere. fear. What you need is to get in touch with this excitement. It would be well for you to have them in mind before you begin. understand that the information you need is inside you. However. One way to describe how you get in touch with these feelings is to say that you will just allow them to happen. loneliness.to relax and open yourself to your natural feeling of aliveness and flowing energy.Some Principles Your success with these exercises will be based on how much you can allow yourself to get in touch with your body sensations and your feelings . There can be no formulas or instructions to show you how to do this. excitement. This you can do by practicing the movements and breathing that will allow you to feel and to learn' to tolerate. As you work on these exercises. such as joy. basic principles or concepts which underlie and guide this there are several work. grief and others. It is important to realize that since you are trying to get in touch with your feelings. your play and particularly in your sexual relationships. anger. the excitement and motion that come naturally during the sexual experience. because it is your experience of the excitement of being alive and of allowing your excitement to be expressed in many ways in your life. You will encounter feelings which surprise you. The information is not in this book and cannot be in any book. a little at a time. First of all. You let your feelings go. you should view these experiences as signs of 7 . your work.

However. and just go through the motions. to want to regain control of themselves.success. Part of the purpose of the book is to help you to build a tolerance to pleasure and excitement. You may as well face the fact that these exercises will put you in touch with a strong resistance to your own pleasure. Another important principle underlying this work is your attitude toward pleasure. But keep in mind the basic exercises. you very well may be on the only track that will work for you. suggest. in your b o d y . you are person. to resist the feelings. Often people are caught by surprise by the strength and the sudden appearance of feelings they didn't know they felt. In your head you begin to doubt whether you ought to be doing these exercises at all. If. you will quickly see that your body is only living out a natural. it is difficult to speak for another D o n ' t be or to try afraid to innovate for yourself. stop breathing. Did you ever ask yourself "I wonder if I should enjoy t h a t " and then decide not to? You may find. Some people feel that if they really let . Try not to do this. Let your natural body reflex take over. as you work through this book.go and enjoy themselves sexually now. . to want to pull back to more familiar ground. as clear markers that you are getting deeper in touch with yourself. you tense u p . healthy response and that the strong emotions you now feel will pass in a while. So long as it leads you toward increased feelings in your body and emotions you can't be on the wrong track. you get an impulse or feeling to do a certain thing differently than 1 principles of the book. In our culture it is considered " a d u l t " to postpone pleasure and "save" some for tomorrow . If you work on these exercises and feel nothing — something is wrong. if you eat all your cake now. Go with your body. you w o n ' t have it when you're hungry so you let it sit around until it 8 . try to get into whatever feelings want to come out. that you have difficulty allowing yourself to feel good in both mind and body. A good orgasm presupposes loss of control. The way to have a better orgasm is to allow yourself to feel pleasure. Therefore their response is to hold on. as you move and breathe and get a pleasant sensation traveling up or down your body. holding on too tight. they'll have nothing left for the future. Though such an experience may be unfamiliar to you at first. In fact. as you work with the something new — do it. .

Adults are "controlled" children. . You control yourself by deadening your emotional responses. side. and again. and you have just controlled in yourself. In sex. moving your foot. back." How do you "control" your excitement? Always by restricting your movements and your breathing. in fact in some languages the orgasm is referred to as " t h e little death. there's a really interesting thing you can do. . touch with how you're stopping yourself from the feeling of total Become aware of your breathing . . again. .. let yourself j u m p and move and scratch. . all around in a smooth circle. slow it down . For a clear idea of how to go with your excitement. For instance. the notion of postponing pleasure is self-defeating. turning your head etc. side . Others secretly fear that they will die of over-pleasure. . T h e n . . and then you don't have it anyway. Think of the meaning of the phrase "be cool." recognizing the orgasm's similarity to the ultimate "letting g o " — death. stop reading for a moment and breathe normally. Watch the excitement of a child at play. for . Now stand up and try moving your hips in a circle (this is a warm-up exercise used in Tai Chi) . if you can identify these feelings in yourself now. Continue to slow your movement down. . because it means your excitement will be shut off just as it begins to build.molds. a little at a time. such as scratching your leg. watch a child at play. are really the same movements that the child makes in exaggerated form. In fact. . relaxed and quiet. you are beginning to get in orgasm. forward. and imitate that excitement . now move half as fast. . and you will find that your bodily movements. Children literally let their excitement carry them away.

about a minute. Now, what about your breathing? If you're like most people, you are n o w breathing in restricted pants from your chest. Your abdominal muscles are drawn up tight. No breath can reach your abdomen. In fact, your pelvis, which is moving, cannot breathe. You have blocked your breath from getting down into your pelvis. You have also blocked any sensations or feelings from But, getting of into the the area. Tai You have constricted your muscles, separating have this problem. It is breathing from motion, blocking your feelings. You have " c o n t r o l l e d " yourself. course, Chi practitioner doesn't anatomically possible for everyone to breathe and move his pelvis at the same time. In fact, that is just what my exercises are all about. When you move and breathe in this way, you will turn yourself on — not because you are performing for anyone else or for an image of what you might look like, but because this breathing and motion will really feel good to you. Perhaps you experience no difficulty with your breathing . . . perhaps the Tai Chi exercise came easily for you . . . perhaps you are one of the lucky ones who can have pleasure easily. For instance, I have a friend who says she is multi-orgastic. She has as many orgasms as she wants, and she says, "I don't do all that breathing stuff to have an orgasm. I don't know what you're talking about. I just go off, and go off, and go off, and it's like a spiral. I keep going higher and higher. I don't understand why you're writing all this stuff about breathing and everything." I began to question her. What she does, automatically, when she starts the foreplay of sex, is to breathe hard, yelling and making noise (she's very extroverted), and she really puts her whole body into her sexual experience before she starts having intercourse, before penetration. She has, unfortunately, been charged with disturbing the peace and has been asked to move by more than one landlady, but she has no shortage of pleasure in her life. If you are like her, you do not need this book, just a good lawyer!

Finally, the work in this book is an awareness training exercise. By beginning to experience (not think about) how you move, breathe and feel during intercourse, you will get to know yourself better and will open up the

10

possibility of moving away from patterns which have previously blocked your pleasure. Even if you decide not to incorporate these exercises into y o u r orgasmic pattern or your sex life, by reading this book you will have thought about what your present pattern is, what you feel like in intercourse, where and when you are tense or tired and whether you are really willing to let yourself enjoy yourself. By doing this, you will have made a big step toward loving yourself a little more. You will have gotten in touch with where you are now, and you will have seen that perhaps there is a choice for you. Follow your feelings and see where you go.

11

How to Work
Some of the exercises in the book are to be done alone; others are done with a partner. Since these two kinds of exercises are somewhat different, I have put t h e m into separate sections of the b o o k . You will be working alone for a week or more before you begin work with your partner. It is a good idea to have your partner begin his or her solitary work at the same time you d o . That way both of you will be at about the same place when you begin your work together. However, don't work alone together, or in any other situation in which you'll have to be aware of another person. Instead, try to get your head into a place where you can have a good time with yourself alone — doing something for yourself, spending time on yourself, not wanting to accomplish anything, not trying to learn anything, just allowing yourself to " b e . " Such an attitude may be a luxury to y o u ; you may not be in the habit of being good to yourself. It's a fine habit to cultivate, though it may take time before you can really relax into it. But start now. Pleasing yourself is an absolute must for better sex .. . be greedy! When you try to push for something, when you set yourself a goal, or try to solve a problem in this kind of work, that's when you're bound to be defeated. Success in the body, not your head. pleasure of sex requires that you allow yourself to enjoy- Just try to let yourself go into these exercises. They are for your whole

13

Once

you

get

into

the

solitary

exercises

you

may

begin

to

feel s o m e

changes in your body at

p a t t e r n s o r m o v e m e n t . P e r h a p s t h e c h a n g e s will b e slight

first, b u t t h e y ' l l b e e n o u g h f o r y o u t o get t h e feel o f w h a t t h i s a p p r o a c h i s

all a b o u t . P e r h a p s y o u ' l l p a y m o r e a t t e n t i o n t o y o u r s e x u a l e x p e r i e n c e , feel less t e n s e ; p e r h a p s you'll breathe m o r e easily; perhaps you'll be m o r e aware of your own feelings. You may notice an increase in your frequency of urination.

What's happening is that the you have sphincters relax to them that hold you feel your a sign

y o u ' r e o p e n i n g y o u r pelvis, y o u ' r e p a y i n g a t t e n t i o n t o the b l a d d e r , and y o u can as if you tell w h e n they're tight. As

have to urinate Don't your worry

more often, so you may it. An A increase lot in

interrupt is that to of also we

exercises.

about

flatulence controls opposed control

of l o o s e n i n g

internal

structures.

of t h e

normally begin It

keep on our bodies and which to

makes us adults, as

children, them as you off.

let g o . T h i s d o e s n o t m e a n t h a t y o u c a n ' t get means that you're beginning more to feel them of

again. will

merely to

again, just turning

begin

feel

sexual

experiences

. . .

instead

them

Once

you

begin

to

feel

these

changes,

you'll

be

ready

to begin work

with a partner. T h e first t h i n g t o d e c i d e i s w h o t o w o r k w i t h . I t m a y s u r p r i s e y o u t h a t I suggest not this. to working The avoid with your can mate or usual sex p a r t n e r . But y o u should

consider lead you you

change some

a d d s o m e t h i n g t o t h e l e a r n i n g p r o c e s s a n d can patterns and blaming games. Also, when have less c h a n c e o f t r e a t i n g

of y o u r set

return

t o y o u r m a t e for i n t e r c o u r s e , y o u will

that loving, caring, exciting s i t u a t i o n as an exercise. I am n o t trying in any way to take you from your your when pleasure, two not normal sexual partner. This b o o k is i n t e n d e d to add to you from y o u r loved o n e . But they tend to the new I have found that

separate are used

people new

to each other, this can

bring old

patterns of

response

into

situations;

inhibit

patterns of movement

you are trying to develop.

Whether y o u work with your m a t e or not, it is very i m p o r t a n t that you work with s o m e o n e w i t h w h o m y o u feel q u i t e c o m f o r t a b l e . U n l e s s y o u are a t

14

it can be a good idea for two couples to work together. pleasing performing waiting for s o m e o n e else t o p r o v e s o m e t h i n g for y o u . Don't F o r i n s t a n c e . Don't sex. be problem of complications. Keep your exercises and y o u r sex life separate. Is partner. your you You partner. but frequent. but do not work with more p e o p l e t h a n t h i s . a m a r r i e d m a n w h o p i c k s his s e c r e t a r y asking for trouble. it m a y feel overlook b e easier the possibility of working with someone of the same t o find s o m e o n e o f y o u r o w n s e x w i t h w h o m y o u w o u l d who would share your interest in doing these comfortable working and exercises. I t will you not be necessary to be completely n u d e with your partner. and h o p e f u l l y b o t h will get b e t t e r ! 15 . L o o k for s o m e o n e a n d c a n a c c e p t j u s t a s h e o r s h e is. w i t h o u t f e e l i n g that he w a n t s to change y o u . and will n o t h a v e a n y g e n i t a l c o n t a c t d u r i n g t h e e x e r c i s e s . S i t u a t i o n s c a r r y i n g e m o t i o n a l l o a d s will n o t h e l p y o u f o l l o w t h i s b o o k . These considerations someone other than your mate. Also. Finally. What you want is a w a r m but situation. T h e s e e x e r c i s e s a r e f o r your a w a r e n e s s t r a i n i n g . Going suggest you a pay little further to into your the question of c h o o s i n g y o u r the person. will may not end unless be up able you to feel let or absolutely go into n o demand o r e x p e c t a t i o n your or own excitement and enjoyment. o r t h e g r o u p e x p e r i e n c e will t a k e o v e r . t h e y to be d o n e slowly a n d w i t h a great deal of a w a r e n e s s of w h a t is h a p p e n i n g you. By the w a y . he or I attention feelings about she attractive to you? S o m e o n e w h o r e a l l y r e p e l s y o u w o n ' t d o . be sure your perspective partner is really as interested in the work as y o u are a n d is n o t exercising j u s t to please y o u . keep in m i n d pick s o m e o n e w h o will c o m p l i c a t e y o u r to work with uncharged could y o u feel g o o d b e i n g w i t h you want to change him or the life.ease for with help. y o u will l o s e t h e s e n s e of y o u r are inside own d e v e l o p m e n t . T h e i l l u s t r a t i o n s i n in the nude so the body might make it m o v e m e n t s can be s h o w n m o r e easier for you to work with this b o o k are d r a w n clearly.

that you both like. you will want padding - m a k e a c o m f o r t a b l e b u t firm s u p p o r t b e n e a t h y o u . grounding exercises. m a k e s u r e y o u c a n n o t feel like y o u ' r e Perhaps you can make a double bed do for exercising going alone. room I predict you for will e n d u p w o r k i n g o n t h e f l o o r and more stability for the your partner together. the edge. w h e n w o r k i n g w i t h a p a r t n e r . It should be somewhere you will not be disturbed. best place to w o r k . Let's assume it. M a y b e a sleeping b a g will d o . W h a t d o y o u h e a r ? M u s i c . I really feel t h a t a n y b e d s m a l l e r t h a n k i n g size will n o t d o f o r y o u a n d In fact.Where To Work P i c k a r o o m or a s p a c e t h a t y o u like . traffic o r keep you from with the c l e a r l y h e a r i n g yourself. help to A n o t h e r a r g u m e n t i n favor o f w o r k i n g o n t h e f l o o r : i t will f r o m y o u r s e x life ( a s s u m i n g y o u d o t h a t k e e p the exercises separate mostly in b e d ) . It allows more movement. A n d p o l i c e t h e a r e a for a n t h i l l s a n d b e e h i v e s b e f o r e 16 . and s o you can move without sweating. T h e temperature in y o u r space should be "body warm" so you can slip o u t o f y o u r clothes w i t h o u t g o o s e b u m p s . anyway. If the enough to floor in your space isn't carpeted. o r a b l a n k e t o r t w o . Try for a t i m e o f d a y i n y o u r s p a c e w h e r e b a c k g r o u n d n o i s e i s a t a m i n i m u m . . t h o u g h a b e d will d o i f i t i f y o u u s e a b e d . moderate day nothing could be better! your you routine start! But have an i n d o o r r e t r e a t a v a i l a b l e for c o l d o r r a i n y d a y s s o w o n ' t s u f f e r . either by an intruder or by too m u c h noise. . The is a very over floor is usually the large o n e . Lie down on will you have picked o u t y o u r space a n d are n o w s t a n d i n g in y o u r b a c k f o r a m o m e n t . external sounds conversations like music will i n t e r f e r e development of your internal rhythms. For persons working outdoors: on a beautiful. Also.

T h e best t i m e to do this w o r k is w h e n y o u are 17 . Do take not b u t extraneous s t i m u l i in from stimulants or indulge depressants your calm before exercising. this motion all will i n t e r f e r e w i t h y o u r a b i l i t y be lost. this is t h e b o d y ' s to close normal but you times alone W h e n y o u are tired a n d y o u r b o d y has begun p u s h o n i t t o w o r k . J u s t a s w i t h m u s i c o r noise. will j u s t you away yourself and e f f o r t s will and clear. regularizing y o u r b r e a t h i n g a n d listening to w h a t ' s going on inside you i s w h a t i t ' s all a b o u t . The information you. were You born y o u n e e d t o increase can't get it from a y o u r sexual pleasure y o u can't get it must come from this from book. F i n d a w o r k s p a c e w i t h o u t d i s t r a c t i o n s a n d t u n c in your own inner music.What about waterbeds? No good. F i r s t . T h e basic thought for w o r k i n g will is: want to be good to rested before y o u begin. About Time W h a t ' s a g o o d t i m e o f d a y t o begin e x e r c i s i n g ? B a s i c a l l y . y o u s h o u l d feel r e s t e d a s y o u s t a r t t h e e x e r c i s e s . a n y t i m e t h a t fits y o u a n d includes the following considerations. T h a t m a k e s first t h i n g i n t h e m o r n i n g o r j u s t a f t e r a nap ideal. The to hear yourself during the exercise. F i n d s o m e - solid. w i t h it. T h e reason is that w h e n y o u push d o w n on the w a t e r b e d . r e l a x i n g y o u r muscles. This thought applies to internal alcohol. it pushes right back o n y o u a n d a m o t i o n o f w a v e s i s set u p all a r o u n d y o u . be wasted. A t i r e d b o d y defense reaction. W o r k i n g a t s u c h be I frustrating and accomplish myself. I said minimal as well. Exercising on t h e m is definitely o u t . thing and will same is t r u e of an air m a t t r e s s . earlier that you w a n t to w o r k in a space which will b r i n g y o u external such as stimuli. i t will o n l y w a n t t o c l o s e m o r e . naturally closes u p . tobacco they or grass. Get little. T h e s e e x e r c i s e s a r e d e s i g n e d t o let y o u o p e n u p t o y o u r s e l f . inside You partner.

it's n o t a M a k e a niche of time a n d space a r o u n d yourself.a b d o m i n a l b r e a t h i n g ) . . o f course. Realize every will person need unique. the sooner y o u should be ready for w o r k i n g w i t h a p a r t n e r . . go to the eyes. but allow from the start a way to w o r k at least o n c e a day for t w o weeks. w o r k i n g alone or the head. that you'll understand is what "until you feel feel y o u h a v e it. as it t a k e s y o u . c o m p a r e notes with your future on the together exercises. t h e n t o the pelvis. people only O t h e r s will b e s l o w e r g e t t i n g t h e i r r h y t h m t o g e t h e r . F o l l o w y o u r feelings. w h o p e r s o n y o u will b e w o r k i n g with m o r e relaxed is n o w also working alone. three weeks. . l u x u r i a t e in it I t ' s b e s t t o w o r k c o n s i s t e n t l y for several w e e k s . W h a t y o u will b e w o r k i n g for i s g e t t i n g a sense o f y o u r o w n n a t u r a l r h y t h m . O n c e y o u get you have it" means. then we go to s y n c h r o n i z i n g the b r e a t h i n g ( c h e s t . start exercising. We always start at and the mouth. treat yourself. then with a partner. t h e n b a c k up to w o r k with the synchronizing o f all t h e s e m o v e m e n t s t o g e t h e r .I f y o u have good time to a heavy a p p o i n t m e n t to rush off to in an h o u r . or however long until you started. T h a t will t a k e y o u a s l o n g I f seven o r e i g h t s e s s i o n s leaves p a r t n e r (the you u n c e r t a i n w h e r e y o u arc. then bringing feel the energy down into the legs a n d g r o u n d i n g i t . . the upper chest . one each series t a k e s his o w n right a m o u n t of t i m e . All t h e e x e r c i s e s y o u will be d o i n g go in a s e q u e n c e . 18 . S o m e of breathing exercises and they've got it. d o w n to the jaw the neck.) The y o u are a n d the more frequently you practice. l e t t i n g y o u get the of energy in y o u r feet .

are say i n y o u r m i n d s u b s t i t u t e she e v e r y w h e r e he. you can't get in touch by pushing. R e l a x . O n t h e o t h e r for e i t h e r s e x a l o n e . I felt I couldn't since book is n o t exclusively use j u s t she or j u s t he a l o n e . pronoun forms. one the a l t e r n a t i n g w h i c h c a m e first. The solution fits I chose your is to m o s t l y situation. T h i s w o r k is a lot easier t h a n it s e e m s . You have nothing to lose or accomplish. in describing t h e exercises. use he the I in the book when working I mean with a whichever gender woman. e t c . reader. P u s h i n g i s a f t e r all h o w y o u have p r o b a b l y g o n e a b o u t s e x all t h e s e y e a r s . me. No o n e can do in your space s e e y o u . Enjoy working yourself. k e e p t h e s e t h i n g s i n m i n d : T h e r e i s really n o t h i n g to a c c o m p l i s h . T h i s i s g e n t l e w o r k . All y o u c a n d o i s get i n t o u c h w i t h t h e f e e l i n g s a n d r h y t h m y o u w e r e b o r n w i t h . to keep repeating both forms. This is a play experience for you. W h a t e v e r y o u on these exercises is for your pleasure. Be kind to yourself. after It became impossibly clumsy the other. if y o u . A n d b e a r w i t h We need a n e w p r o n o u n form in the language. t h i s i s a s e c r e t for y o u a l o n e . Don't push yourself. I found myself saying " h e or she this" or "have him or her do t h a t " or otherwise using the masculine a n d the feminine pronoun hand.Where Your Head Is As y o u begin w o r k i n g a l o n e . Where My Head Is F r e q u e n t l y . there is no goal. b u t t h a t ' s an u n d e r t a k i n g too big for m e ! .

the opposite of relaxation. To a certain it extent and you easily have control of your breath. Breathing have will is directly change related your to emotion. relaxation t e c h n i q u e s ( a n d yoga exercises) are based on this principle. This is w h a t my exercises are designed to do. and assumes about breathing together.Breathing and Movement Breathing is the systems body of the body m o s t basic It is f u n c t i o n o f y o u r b o d y . you the the performs w h e n activity enter for sex world. your Any emotional by response you immediately your breathing can alter Conversely. I want to o t h e r functions and activities of your b o d y is quite here only about breathing. y o u will have m o r e e n e r g y o r " c h a r g e " a v a i l a b l e t o charge will result in a more intense This increased orgasm. Excitement. is also achieved by altering the breathing pattern. This have book important thought entirely and granted. you feelings. W i t h o u t i t all o t h e r first internal self-supporting activity y o u r you probably you take have the this never central fail. movement and emotion. 21 . pattern. The relationship between complex. never realized role t h e b r e a t h p l a y s i n y o u r sex life. emotions and consciously Many changing breathing. talk and what they have to do with sex. However. O n e result of doing the exercises is that you during intercourse.

That move apply both to affect your of the sexual way you feel. w h e r e w e store tension.Body to alter your movements feelings begin and by arc also closely the a s s o c i a t e d w i t h e m o t i o n s . r h y t h m and charge in their presence. another that flows up and down your body. you may shoulders slope t o feel h a p p y . T h e exercises in will g u i d e y o u i n t o t h i s p r o p e r b r e a t h i n g a n d m o v e m e n t . w h i c h y o u as an your undulating wave excitement. way versa. W h e n y o u feel d e p r e s s e d a n d d o w n . I've yet to completely meet). anticipation." aggressive an feeling. y o u see emotional high and movement set up the c o n d i t i o n s necessary this b o o k will They and to trigger y o u r orgastic reflex. One centered energy assumes that the Natural (an Man or Woman. It is possible you move. a n d what patterns we have developed in b o t h b r e a t h i n g and movement which disrupt and frustrate o u r natural potential. responses. y o u r It is almost impossible to be depressed and stand slouch. So is. and the vice both you movement breathe and and b r e a t h i n g are the way you directly related to emotions. process (oxidizing stored so you 22 . with your shoulders back and y o u r chest out. w h e r e w e h o l d o n e m o t i o n a l l y . h e i g h t e n e d energy concern With or a mobilization strong that occurs an your body there's strong etc. increase spreading you it over y o u r entire will learn how to torso. "contact. For example. growing excitement nutrients in t h e r e ' s always the body) increase of the metabolic need more air. arms m a i n t a i n this Working with person. relaxed and always in present entity would have n o b l o c k s a n d no t r o u b l e b u i l d i n g his or her charge to a t o t a l orgasm. experience will legs. preventing us from reaching our orgastic In this book I use in the term excitement when to cover the a joy. if you changing way dance. This principle will you obviously feelings a n d h o w y o u express t h e m . When that proper breathing and study the mechanics will lead you to an a n o r g a s m . One f u r t h e r a s s u m e s t h a t y o u o r I will h a v e t o l e a r n h o w t o p a y a t t e n t i o n t o w h e r e we block energy in our bodies.

m a n y with their people increasing the attempt by hold these to rate a n d amplitude their control excitement. s o w e t r y shallowly indefinitely sexual or by or holding shift it our to breath. movements rabbit or is apparent. most people do this m o v e m e n t they hold their breath. prevents you from f e e l i n g y o u r feelings a s w e l l . h u m a n s also use this primitive At such full a t t e n t i o n i s n e e d e d . often uncomfortable. thereby But instead. in you to automatically prevent restrict even your yourself order minute movements. keeping themselves their breath which is " c a l m . any its through organism observation which and is of other m e m b e r s of the frightened will animal halt its of a that and suddenly Think breathing. and you You this is try hold to "control" rigid yourself. movement Earlier I suggested When you try an exercise for rotating your pelvis in a circular motion. e i t h e r b y b r e a t h i n g extend this emergency behavior are a s o u r c e o f d i s t r a c t i o n . leads to Unfortunately. experience of wanting to get constrictions angusta — of the chest air i n t o lungs w h i c h are i m m o b i l i z e d b y m u s c u l a r diaphragm. excitement. of t h e startled reflex deer that has been surprised along a road. interferring breathing. Whenever body movement. because rigidity feeling. The attempt subjective experience of a breathing difficulty caused by a p e r s o n ' s It is the to control his or her e x c i t e m e n t is one d e s c r i p t i o n o f anxiety. the restriction restricting r e p r e s s uncomfortable feelings o f pleasurable feelings a s w e l l . the breath attention. cool and collected.Since experience. times t h e very s o u n d s a n d muscular m o v e m e n t s t h a t g o with b r e a t h i n g t o get One other rid o f t h e m . It kingdom. We life-preserving instinct whenever o u r sudden. control may forms of e x c i t e m e n t . which The word "anxiety" comes of from the and — narrowness describes the condition involuntarily-constricted chest. it breathing is is the most sensitive measure of any emotional important that you respond to y o u r increased excitement by of your breathing. forcibly to and their feelings. freeze." T h e reason people t e n d to that are breathing deeply and fully are to amplifies brought their feelings. 23 . for e x a m p l e .

each m o v e m e n t is coordinated and no m o t i o n is wasted. alive is to movement. you can h o l d on t h e very b e g i n n i n g . T h e r e is a j o y in observing this k i n d of m o v e m e n t — and an inner joy space make in b e i n g a b l e t o m o v e t h a t w a y . suppressed no and feeling can no revived To through be wholly breathing. Y o u lose y o u r ability i s i m m o b i l i z e d . In movements. a l m o s t like g l i d i n g . and your body can naturally express your the absence of m o v e m e n t t h e r e is no feeling. s m o o t h l y . Or. b u t a l s o w i t h e x a g g e r a t e d facial e x p r e s s i o n s .During sexual excitement the breath is affected the same way. during T h i s e x c e s s effort restriction you of of your sexual interferes breathing pleasure. any rob h a n d s . orgastic movements 24 . I t i s p o s s i b l e t o c o m p l e t e a n a c t i o n . legs a n d yourself in total your the abdomen. A t r a i n e d d a n c e r o r a monk often gives this appearance. In crescendo m a k i n g love t h e r e c a n b e a s m o o t h a n d f l o w i n g m o v e m e n t r e a c h i n g a of excitement. t e n s i o n s i n the back feet. will anus.w a l k i n g a c r o s s t h e f l o o r . onto with or hanging on to your partner or the bed with buttocks Simply love-making or put. t h e more spontaneous your feelings. M o v e m e n t i s a n a t u r a l p a r t o f b e i n g alive. it frequently g e t s s h u t d o w n j u s t w h e n m o r e air i s n e e d e d . When y o u observe this type s o m e o n e . for instance — Zen w i t h l i t t l e o r n o e f f o r t . n o t o n l y b y failing t o b r e a t h e p r o p e r l y . feel deeply breathing. deeply. y o u n o d o u b t feel t h e i r s t r a i n . freely. I t i s a l s o p o s s i b l e t o c r o s s t h e same by using a lot of u n n e c e s s a r y m u s c l e s a n d e x p r e s s i n g g r e a t effort. move feeling. and or neck. a n d y o u m u s t m o v e i t again t o regain depth of your be breathing affects the intensity Death breathe of your is no t o feel i n a l i m b w h i c h the feeling. of movement in and. release. then gradually from decreasing to stillness a n d complete satisfaction. T h e m o r e alive y o u a r e . Since the feeling. t h e j o u r n e y very difficult.

" chest passive if that p r o c e d u r e allowed b y musculature is not releasing t h e released and abdomen. i f y o u h o l d y o u r pelvis r i g i d l y . o r t o a l l o w t h e c h e s t t o r e l a x e n o u g h so that the air It can is a be completely expelled.The exercises is type of breathing that diaphragmatic of air w i t h I want to encourage this type you to try in these get called breathing. As one become more relaxed a n d " o u t o f m i n d . by in the spite the breath of follows the effort body. F u r t h e r . Each holding the person breath. " his b r e a t h i n g s m o o t h e s o u t . using b o t h your chest and y o u r a b d o m e n . your diaphragm contracts and p r e v e n t s t h e " l e t t i n g g o " i n t h e a b d o m e n n e c e s s a r y for o r g a s t i c r e l e a s e . T h e diaphragm is pulled d o w n . b e c a u s e pelvis participates in e v e r y b r e a t h c y c l e . With of b r e a t h i n g y o u a maximum amount a m i n i m u m a m o u n t of effort. t h e chest is e x p a n d e d a n d t h e b e l l y i s p u s h e d o u t . of the Therefore. breathe hampered and fully position of any work expend. In unless deeply proper development. how a healthy body. Breathing out is very m u c h muscles in like the "letting g o . the you will p r a c t i c e t h i s p r i n c i p l e . b u t is held in t e n s i o n . to that coordinate of sex your requires movement exhalation your every breathing forward swing rhythm If you with inhale during forward movement. p u t t i n g t h e g r e a t e s t p o s s i b l e v o l u m e o f air i n t o t h e lungs. B r e a t h i n g is n o t j u s t i n h a l i n g . learn The pelvis. p r o p e r b r e a t h i n g c a n ' t t a k e p l a c e . you a definite That is. In breathing. has One his way or her own characteristic way of breathing and of breathing is in uneven spurts? as if b u m p i n g d o w n a staircase. it is a full c y c l e of i n h a l i n g and e x h a l i n g . 25 . smooth you always rhythm. you rhythmical will find pelvic an pelvic my movement exercises and is an integral part of emphasize helping you together. fully. For some people the problem is n o t a lack of air i n t a k e . b u t a failure t o a l l o w all t h e air t o b e e x h a l e d a g a i n . T h i s t y p e of breathing is initiated in the ego and requires a deliberate effort to maintain. In t h e e x e r c i s e s for pelvic rocking. s o m e air i s r e t a i n e d i n t h e l u n g s a n d s u b s e q u e n t i n h a l a t i o n i s r e s t r i c t e d . or a l o n g a r o u g h r o a d .

will progress p e r i o d i c a l l y r e a c h a p l a t e a u w h e r e n o t h i n g s e e m s t o b e h a p p e n i n g . become These tingling and extending by sensations. through and move on from there. you will develop you'll probably notice some new body in various parts of Invariably tingling sensations y o u r b o d y . encouraged excessive breathing.To how you this you use check out your own breathing pattern. feet a n d face ( p a r t i c u l a r l y a r o u n d t h e over the whole can body. d e e p e r b r e a t h i n g . start breathing deeply. w a t c h i n g y o u r b r e a t h i n g p a t t e r n closely. In t h e e x e r c i s e s . g o b a c k t o a place in the exercise sequence that feels c o m f o r t a b l e a n d m o v e t h r o u g h t h e s e q u e n c e a g a i n f r o m t h i s safe. h o w m u s c l e c o n t r a c t i o n s to i n h i b i t a full e x h a l a t i o n . s t o p . you h a v e t o a l l o w t i m e for y o u r b o d y t o o v e r c o m e its As brings a you new work flood and through of the exercises. to allow it t o b e e x p r e s s e d fully. you may which This interrupts is what find t h a t e a c h n e w one your you newly should established look for and emotions. As you sensations. W h e n a n e w e m o t i o n c o m e s u p . 26 . your breathing is your "feeling thermometer. I call the is breathing required You pattern. Remember. moving pattern. T h e r e f o r e . c o m f o r t a b l e p l a c e . Your problem will trying to go a n d in g o i n g b e y o n d y o u r b o d y ' s level of t o l e r a n c e and increased feelings that come with "letting increased oxygenation g o " and with is old happening patterns. tension. usually starting in mouth) and if very often t h e h a n d s . t h a t is. W h a t is h a p p e n i n g is t h a t y o u r b o d y emotion you feel i s e n e r g y is " l e t t i n g g o " of an old released as the pattern is pattern broken. w h i l e a t first i t m a y s e e m a s i f little to you. T h e Y o u will w a n t t o s t a y with the e m o t i o n until it subsides. breathing. w h e n all o f a lie for sudden in the you will break too fast. smooth-breathing pay attention of to. to pay find The work is to slow. intense. you must first figure out stop yourself from m a k i n g a c o m p l e t e o r full e x h a l a t i o n ." so pay close a t t e n t i o n t o it. how and a great deal of how you'll training concentration you're attention that you you're in steps moving and or levels.

W h e n y o u a r e c a u g h t u p i n s e x u a l e x c i t e m e n t . due to sometimes when seen too much is discharged our work rapidly increased breathing there's chance that y o u r b o d y utilize. This requires unifying t h e b o d y ' s feelings. you will find that the sensations. Whether irrelevant. Such sensations are k n o w n as " p a r e s t h e s i a " in as carbon symptoms dioxide rate. from the more medicine and Hyperventilation blood. These the slightest the exercises amount of of only or minimal tingling is amounts necessary any oxygenation. learn to phenomenon You Don't tolerate yourself. As excitation you and begin to develop through the capacity to tolerate the higher dizziness levels and of the oxygenation proper breathing. sensation there than hurry. In of hyperventilation.by c o n c e n t r a t i n g on y o u r The charge final s t e p i n t h e e x e r c i s e s i s t o a l l o w y o u r n e w l y r e l e a s e d e n e r g y o r to be focused into y o u r orgastic e x p e r i e n c e . begin on and the only maintain activation sexual feelings body through breathing should o n l y b e d o n e w i t h a c o m p e t e n t t h e r a p i s t p r e s e n t w h o i s familiar w i t h t h i s t y p e of work.w i t h o u t s h u t t i n g it off . is if This no disappear as soon as your breathing is are completely better and under your control. e m e r g i n g d u r i n g t h e e x e r c i s e s . tingling will t e n d These to diminish a n d disappear. leaving only a " c h a r g e " of energy. People w h o are actively w o r k i n g or exercising regularly are n o t as likely to develop these symptoms.e. will u s u a l l y is relaxed push the and slows down. If you do. e x c i t e m e n t . are very similar to the feelings o f e x c i t e m e n t t h a t feelings o f e x c i t a t i o n an go along with o r g a s m . T h u s y o u will b e a l l o w i n g y o u r s e l f t o t o l e r a t e m o r e breathing.feelings of n u m b n e s s can arc occurs a occur. y o u b e c o m e a f r a i d ) t h a t will b e d i f f i c u l t t o o v e r c o m e l a t e r . i t i s p o s s i b l e t o 27 . push off if y o u create an you yourself emotional r e s i s t a n c e (i. a n d for will get o v e r c h a r g e d w i t h o x y g e n w h i c h i t i s u n a b l e t o you may experience some dizziness or n u m b n e s s to this reason which y o u are n o t a c c u s t o m e d . require sensation simulated It is this phenomenon that is hyperventilation breathing be or over-oxygenation is important excess of to stress avoided.

b o u n c e s u p y o u r legs If you are patient with these exercises. w h i c h will r e s u l t i n i n c r e a s e d b o d y p l e a s u r e a n d m o r e life f o r y o u . then a g a i n . I t will b e w o r t h y o u r efforts! 28 . reaches the ground. they can open your body to y o u r energy f l o w . M y e x e r c i s e s o n g r o u n d i n g p r e v e n t t h i s energy loss the by focusing y o u r or excitement It i n y o u r f e e t a n d legs. is c a p t u r e d or collected.d i s s i p a t e o r w a s t e y o u r e n e r g y . b o d y . a n d t h e i r r e l a t i o n t o is as though the energy travels down your earth something solid. m a k i n g itself a v a i l a b l e for y o u r o r g a s m . a n d h e l p y o u d e v e l o p a h i g h e r level o f e x c i t a t i o n .

" Y o u r o r g a s m can b e i m p r o v e d t h r o u g h (in f a c t s o m e t i m e s i t s e e m s t o o m a n y ) things exercises. again for we sometimes strive its transitory it is and toward value is ultimate experience.Orgasm Perhaps experience. orgasm. And there are m a n y people w h o seem unable to experience an orgasm at all. others less. there is no need to way y o u a r e . orgasm. each Certainly is an orgasm? What am the study I talking a b o u t ? T h e r e is no s t a n d a r d for pleasure and excitement. T h e r e are m a n y t h a t c a n n o t b e c h a n g e d for t h e b e t t e r t h a t w e h a v e t o l e a r n t o live w i t h . ) But what orgasm. Some of our natural the satisfying. then for heaven's sake. pleasant. depends on individual's capacity is r i d i c u l o u s . 29 . change it! ( B e t t e r y e t . d o i t f o r y o u r own s a k e . s o i f there is something that you can change. and For yet some. one o f e x c i t e m e n t a n d its awe-inspiring. universal consciousness. Again It to is no a the experience union peak with known the to man or can cosmic come closer to a than peak the most gifts. people experience orgasms as sky r o c k e t s e x p l o d i n g . If your accept these this state experiences as "the aren't in the first category. a comparative O r g a s m is a s u b j e c t i v e e x p e r i e n c e that is impossible to m e a s u r e a n d pigeonhole. o t h e r s as a small m a t c h lit t o w a r d o f f t h e darkness of a dismal existence. somewhat culmination.

information their field p i o n e e r e d b y Sexual Response.What I could do is describe an orgasm from a number of different . a n d w h a t s t a g e s l e a d u p t o it.w h a t takes v i e w p o i n t s . Masters and J o h n s o n in However. physiological level. W i l h e l m R e i c h p r e s e n t s a n o r g a s m t h e o r y w h i c h I have interpreted in the following diagram. W e c o u l d first t a l k a b o u t t h e p h y s i o l o g y o f a n o r g a s m place on an anatomical. 30 . To 1 refer you for sound scientific the mass to of mis-information the studies in this available. What I prefer to discuss here is the process of an orgasm. if I were to do this I would describe subject avoid a c o m p l i c a t e d s e t o f a n a t o m i c a l r e s p o n s e s t h a t h a v e l o n g b e e n a favorite of literary fiction a n d fantasy (and some scientific fantasy as well!). h o w it h a p p e n s . W i t h t h i s k n o w l e d g e y o u c a n alter the q u a l i t y o f y o u r o r g a s m s . I personally monumental contribution Human have always found this t y p e of reading s o m e w h a t dull.

such as positioning. peri o d s of rest. release a n d d i s c h a r g e o f t h e b u i l d u p ( t h e orgastic r e f l e x ) . T h i s is the charge stage. . y o u r m o v e m e n t s have been directed from t h e h e a d ( u n d e r c o n t r o l o f t h e e g o ) . kissing. T h u s t h e r e b e g i n s t h e b u i l d i n g a n d s t o r a g e o f e n e r g y ( e x c i t e m e n t ) . which buildup of a (some p e o p l e u s e t h e t e r m p l a t e a u h e r e ) . be it looking. but in excitement builds there is a sudden towards an orgasm. t h i n k i n g . Phase I includes any form of excitation. g e n t l e and relaxed. T h e p a r t of the curve l a b e l e d foreplay i s w h e n a c t u a l t o u c h i n g . . I I I . a n d things to take feels right. IV. charge II. If they can be interrupted to allow for all kinds of pleasurable place.The orgasm can be divided into four significant parts. e t c . although. b e g i n s . any sort of thing that there is an interruption. This m a y or m a y any case it is t h a t point w h e r e the possibility of building to an orgasm is m o r e likely. From the beginning. a n y t h i n g t h a t b u i l d s e x c i t e m e n t is a f o r m of f o r e p l a y . T h e f o u r p a r t s a r e m a r k e d b y R o m a n n u m e r a l s on t h e diagram and are divided in the is following also the manner: 1. . excitation. continuation of t h e excitation. it usually doesn't interfere with the course of e x c i t a t i o n . in r e a l i t y . resolution (recovery phase). T h e s e m o v e m e n t s c a n b e s l o w . talking. t h e y all f l o w t o g e t h e r . T h e n a s increase of energy that starts the curve up not be the point of penetration.

" t h e point of no return. H e r e . This there diagram closely typifies the m a l e s e x u a l r e s p o n s e . All the of the region region abdomen is contract powerfully. This excitation the crest starts the the first involuntary floor. to pleasure subside referred and peak. Body movement voluntary excitation increases. a r e some typical female p a t t e r n s . start excitation into the awareness Involuntary movement persists for a w h i l e t o " 5 . at the same t i m e the (muscles) (low lower back) back completely relaxed. as t a k e n from Masters and J o h n s o n . From movements orgastic control the "4" point there At to "4" come is of a the back no return "2" until the cessation o f involuntary to a s the and period of heightened begins body. with contractions of the total musculature of c o n t r a c t i o n s o c c u r in waves. a n d a k i n d o f m e l t i n g s e n s a t i o n s e t s in. t h e m o r e noticeable the contractions which start contractions. body is the tempo of your At sexual point. Some and p e o p l e fail t o let g o i n experience backaches during intercourse they a f t e r w a r d . control as do your course and compulsive of movements. i n m o r e d e t a i l . from a m a t t e r of seconds to women this can period of time ranging a n h o u r o r m o r e .N o w a t p o i n t " 1 " t h e loss o f t h i s e g o c o n t r o l b e g i n s . L o w backaches have been attributed to "too much s e x a c t i v i t y . and the forward a movement contraction of the of the pelvis a t smooth genitals and of the pelvic occur These waves In the complete there more man. flexors sacral their W i th e a c h t h r u s t t h e pelvis i s p u l l e d f o r w a r d a n d u p w a r d . 32 . P h a s e I V . becomes more m o r e c o n c e n t r a t e d i n t h e g e n i t a l s . A t " 2 . i s t h e r e c o v e r y o r resolution For period. In essence t h e y have b e e n w o r k i n g against themselves. " a n d t h e n r e l a x a t i o n t a k e s over. no longer this of the excitation possible. a time be a when further stimulation t o o r g a s m i s n o t possible. U s u a l l y a m a n m u s t wait for from 5 minutes to an hour or more before his orgasmic cycle can be repeated. exhalation. musculature are the woman. vagina. are ejaculation. b u t for w o m e n i s a p o s s i b l e w i d e r v a r i a t i o n i n r e s p o n s e . for m e n t h e r e c o v e r y t i m e i s l o n g e r . In the the occurs intense these of the the o r g a s m . " w h e n i n a c t u a l i t y i t i s not t o o m u c h s e x b u t m e r e l y t o o m u c h holding o n t h a t i s t h e c a u s e .

1. A release.

typical

rise

in

excitement

until

plateau,

then

orgastic

If t h e e x c i t e m e n t is high e n o u g h a n d sustained, the

plateau or

charge s t a t e is n o t d i m i n i s h e d a n d a little s t i m u l a t i o n (this can be inner excitement also) will allow a multiple experience of orgasm. (Building

t h i s e x c i t e m e n t f r o m t h e i n s i d e i s w h a t m y e x e r c i s e s are all a b o u t . ) 2 . I n t h i s t y p e c y c l e ( e x p e r i e n c e d all t o o f r e q u e n t l y ) t h e w o m a n arrives at the plateau phase yet is unable to achieve an orgasm. When

this h a p p e n s there is usually a longer p e r i o d of resolution, leaving m o s t women quite frustrated. women quickly pass t h r o u g h the e x c i t e m e n t p e r i o d a n d

3. Some

the plateau to an

orgasm. T h e i r r e s o l u t i o n t i m e is very rapid ( t h e y m a y

e v e n fall a s l e e p o r p a s s o u t f r o m t h e r a p i d r e l e a s e o f t e n s i o n ) .

To s u m m a r i z e , t h e n , the b o d y starts off as a " t h i n k i n g " e n t i t y , g e t t i n g as much pleasure As the as it can from in what the head, or or ego, decides will be

pleasurable.

movements

intercourse

stimulation continue, a n d as

t h e o r g a s t i c r e f l e x t a k e s o v e r , m o v e m e n t s b e g i n i n t h e pelvis a n d y o u get " o u t of so control" that the (out of rational thrust be control). of the Gradually is the m o v e m e n t direction more and more shifts the

forward

pelvis

made

from

g r o u n d o r f e e t , a s will

d e m o n s t r a t e d in my m o v e m e n t exercises later. T h e r e the m o v e m e n t flows from the pelvis up of the ego, when one

comes a point of no r e t u r n , after which to the head. Then follows a

corresponding letting-go

33

completely people, a

flows problem

with

the

melting quality as the

of the action

orgastic is

reflex.

For

many

arises w h e n ,

reflex

ready

to take over, a

n u m b e r o f fears s u d d e n l y s u r f a c e .

O n e of the situations, crazy. is

fears y o u m a y e x p e r i e n c e i n i n t e r c o u r s e , a s well a s i n o t h e r

t h a t , i f y o u let g o o f y o u r m i n d , y o u will " l o s e y o u r m i n d " - g o w h o live in their entirely in t h e i r h e a d s , t h i n k i n g t y p e s , r u n t h e risk o f

People

getting stuck

t h i n k i n g p r o c e s s a s a n o r g a s m a p p r o a c h e s , a n d t u r n off

t h e i r s e x u a l e n e r g i e s . E n e r g y m u s t f l o w freely i n t h e b o d y , b e c a u s e o r g a s m i s a r e f l e x r e a c t i o n . I t i s a s d i f f i c u l t t o t h i n k y o u r s e l f i n t o a s n e e z e a s i t i s t o think yourself into an orgasm! The fear o f falling i s a n o t h e r p r i m a r y a n x i e t y t h a t c a n be triggered as

a n o r g a s m a p p r o a c h e s . W h e n y o u let y o u r e g o , o r m i n d f u n c t i o n shift, y o u d o get a sense of the falling. fear of This death. can The be very frightening. of death There and also orgasm arises is a

occasionally

association

c o m m o n p h e n o m e n o n . R e i c h s a w t h e striving for n o n - e x i s t e n c e , for N i r v a n a , for d e a t h , as identical with that the orgasm is the t h e s t r i v i n g for o r g a s t i c r e l e a s e . T h i s led h i m t o believe m o s t i m p o r t a n t m a n i f e s t a t i o n o f life. R e i c h c i t e d two

k i n d s o f a t t i t u d e s t o w a r d d e a t h a n d d y i n g : e i t h e r a s a n i d e a o f severe injury o r destruction of the anxiety and psychophysical around organism (in t h i s c a s e a c c o m p a n i e d b y severe or full in the form of bodily and

grouped melting

genital is

castration) similar to

dissolution, pleasure. Freud body

away,

which

orgastic

gratification

first He

proposed

the

i d e a t h a t p l e a s u r e r e s u l t s f r o m t h e release o f

tension.

r e l a t e d t h e d e g r e e o f o n e ' s p l e a s u r e t o t h e a m o u n t o f tension he was right. The greater your charge, the more rapid

discharged.

And

y o u r release a n d t h e greater y o u r pleasure.

My

m o v e m e n t exercises are designed

to duplicate

t h e m o v e m e n t o f the

orgastic reflex. S o m e the

p e o p l e c a n n o t p r o d u c e even t h e v o l u n t a r y oscillations of t o b r e a t h i n g and

pelvis w h e n r e q u e s t e d t o d o s o , m u c h less p a y a t t e n t i o n all at once. People who cannot reproduce

movement experience

t h e s e o s c i l l a t i o n s cannot

the sexual e x c i t a t i o n w h i c h increases t h e height of their charge, or

tension to orgasm.

34

You body to feelings localize total

will

work

through

my to

exercises charge,

in a sequence which allows y o u r and their accompanying body, not just

become and to the

accustomed spread that

excitation, throughout

charge

your

whole

it in

genital area. When this is d o n e y o u r discharge (orgasm) is a or total orgasm, a s o p p o s e d t o t h a t w h i c h i s l o c a l i z e d i n

body

experience

the genital area a l o n e . W h e n this e x c i t a t i o n is n o t spread t h r o u g h o u t t h e w h o l e body what in often the happens genitals is that I that, he say for may a man have the what I excitation is becomes so

localized

commonly an orgasm partner,

called that but is the and

"premature" premature ejaculation

ejaculation. him; it

When be

premature, to

mean

for and

might are

long enough enough to

satisfy his

his

discharge

not

release

tension

buildup,

t h e r e f o r e he is u n f u l f i l l e d .

Some intercourse,

men, must

in turn

order their

to

maintain off,

an

erection of their

longer

during

actual

attention

think

grandmothers or of

vegetable g a r d e n s , o r else

they

will r e a c h a c l i m a x t o o s o o n . B y d i s s i p a t i n g t h e

energy t h r o u g h o u t h i s b o d y , a m a n c a n last l o n g e r a n d a t t h e s a m e t i m e e n j o y all the stimulation a n d e x c i t e m e n t t h a t c o m e s w i t h his c h a r g e p h a s e .

For orgasm, but

a it

woman,

the

sequence

may

be

similar.

She

may

experience

an

is o n l y a small b u i l d u p a n d discharge. A w o m a n is c a p a b l e of orgasms, them. but When it is her essential orgastic that she maintain is small, her her e n e r g y for orgasm is

having m u l t i p l e buildup between

tension

similarly s m a l l , a n d m a n y t i m e s h e r t e n s i o n r e m a i n s , p r e v e n t i n g a n o t h e r b u i l d u p to another disappointing discharge. between male and female, than the but I It is possible to emphasize these differences as Masters and are frequently Johnson more do, that the in

feel,

similarities

rather

differences

significant

comparing men a n d w o m e n ' s sexual responses.

Stan provides us

Keleman, with a

a high

Bioenergetic level of

therapist,

has

observed but

that

our

culture orgastic

sexual

stimulation

with

little

expression. Women are taught he describes as an these emphasize

t o t e a s e , a n d m e n a r e t a u g h t t o live f r o m w h a t p e n i s " a t t i t u d e . . . t h e stud a p p r o a c h . B o t h o f at the expense of internal growth . . .

" e n d of the

external

stimulation

35

heightened sparkling e x c i t e m e n t and his inner movements and

that ignores pulsations.

t h e d e p t h s o f t h e p e r s o n ' s feelings deeper orgastic s t a t e s originate

The

f r o m t h e inside o u t . b u t when the and shut

I t i s e a s y e n o u g h t o g o a l o n g w i t h t h e s e e x t e r n a l stimuli from within, many p e o p l e will h o l d back

feelings s t a r t t o c o m e inner pulsations, this b o o k

off t h e s e

feeling

o v e r w h e l m e d a n d a f r a i d . F o r this t o e m p h a s i z e t h e development a s

reason,

the exercises in

are designed

well a s t h e t o l e r a t i o n

o f inner e x c i t a t i o n .

It is easy

t o o v e r e s t i m a t e t h e i m p o r t a n c e o f e x a m i n i n g t h e s e x u a l act i n D i a g r a m s will l e a d t o c o m p a r i s o n s , a n d this is anyone else, nor c o m p a r i n g your

t e r m s o f a d i a g r a m or a c u r v e . not a book aimed at

comparing y o u with partner's. own

s e x u a l life w i t h y o u r own enjoyment

It is a i m e d m e r e l y at helping y o u increase your sexual feelings, helping y o u have b e t t e r , more

of your

p l e a s u r a b l e o r g a s m s a n d a fuller s e x u a l e x p e r i e n c e .

Perhaps

the

m o s t difficult step in allowing y o u r s e l f to have pleasure is " s h o u l d s , s h o u l d n ' t s , m u s t s a n d c a n ' t s " t h a t all o f

the removal of some of the us have been raised with wrong. sexual These ideas lives. I are

— in o t h e r w o r d s , ideas of w h a t is right a n d what is t r a n s f e r r e d a n d i n f e r r e d , a n d s o m e h o w get p u t i n t o our in my most liberal and free patients the same

have

found

problems tell

t h a t e x i s t a m o n g t h o s e w h o feel s o m e w h a t i n h i b i t e d . T h e freer people that sex they with "should" everyone, be able to sleep with anybody, they

themselves enjoy

"should" and

they " s h o u l d " be

free a b o u t t h e i r bodies,

they're

puzzled

a b o u t s o m e i n n e r r e s i s t a n c e w h i c h r e f u s e s t o g o a l o n g with

t h e i r " s h o u l d s . " T h i s i n n e r v o i c e i s o f t e n a v o i c e o f s a n i t y t h a t i s s e a r c h i n g for m o r e m e a n i n g in a relationship t h a n just genital c o u p l i n g can provide.

What

my

exercises

can

become

then,

and

what

I

want

to

warn

you

a g a i n s t , i s a n o t h e r t r a p o f h o w y o u " s h o u l d " p e r f o r m i n i n t e r c o u r s e , w h e r e you " s h o u l d " have an o r g a s m , h o w y o u " s h o u l d " a c t . P l e a s e d o n o t a d d t h i s book

t o y o u r o t h e r list o f " s h o u l d s " . E n j o y m e n t a n d p l e a s u r e will e l u d e y o u forever if y o u put a " s h o u l d " before t h e m .

36

see the chapter called How To 37 . Experience that area in relationship to the your searchlight . you m a y decide t h a t s o m e are n o t as useful as o t h e r s : skip t h e m if y o u wish. going imagine body. It through on to the the important and establish some pattern you go breathing exercises movement experience tingling exercises. . T h e overall s e q u e n c e up. exercises all in trouble getting through them session. you may have energy flow. other areas. You and should do Try over these to exercises slowly a n d with a great deal of attention that so your that awareness when I ask is something you like a awareness. searchlight your to be aware of something. it becomes an i l l u m i n a t e d figure o n a d a r k b a c k g r o u n d . . to that area. . movement sequence. t h e n back own to sense do of h o w every your long to practice each one. . For Work. When you've d o n e t h e m all once. you bring your total attention . It develop about should is most take two that hours you exercise properly breathing before in sequence.Exercising Alone I exercises and would I have like now to introduce you to some with in of the experiments and developed These for working alone are one done your breathing. more details on getting started. You will of exercises your w o r k s from t h e h e a d d o w n to the feet.

relax a s you exhale. t e n s e it to i t s u t m o s t . Your y o u r b o d y t o u c h t h e f l o o r . T i g h t e n t h a t a r e a a s m u c h a s y o u c a n a n d e x a g g e r a t e t h e tension. N o w let i t g o c o m p l e t e l y . Notice what parts of floor. the Try to feel your facial attention feeling minute musculature o f your is the expressing with your face? E x a g g e r a t e that e x p r e s s i o n . Give the expression a voice as if it could talk. T e n s e a s y o u i n h a l e . "I am t e n s e " or " T h i s is silly. A s y o u d o t h i s . Now expression. . forced your breath Then begin a to breathe softly. What bring Pay your attention to you the are to tension your in face. e x h a l e . S e e w h a t it is t h a t y o u r face is expressing. a n d t h e w e i g h : o f y o u r b o d y p u s h i n g a g a i n s t the knees should be u p . in your the air c o m i n g in y o u r throat. feet f l a t o n t h e floor. w h i l e y o u a r e l y i n g o n t h e f l o o r o r o n a b e d . A s y o u d o t h a t . L e t t h e m c o m e o u t o f y o u i f t h e y want t o — t h e n l e t t h e e x p r e s s i o n g o . Pay attention — n o t t o w h a t i t d o e s . P a y a t t e n t i o n t o a n y a r e a t h a t s e e m s t o b e tense i n y o u r b o d y ." or " I ' m w o r r i e d " e t c . e x h a l e t h o r o u g h l y four o r f i v e times. in t o y o u r b r e a t h i n g a n d t o your: head. . You can being feel sure that the exhalation i s not but just mouth and letting go. feel t h e f l o o r (or bed) p u s h u p a g a i n s t y o u . face. b u t t o w h e r e i t c o m e s i n a n d w h e r e i t goes out 38 . Your face may say. T h e r e are an infinite number of expressions that come into your face.F i r s t o f all.

coming your pelvis. I m a g i n e for a m o m e n t . Pay n o air is attention coming in? to your chest. Finally.just become increased. w i t h d r a w i n g a n d c o m i n g o u t o f y o u . Imagine that the air is slowly moving into your lungs. Imagine t h a t i t goes t h r o u g h o u t y o u r b o d y t o d i f f e r e n t p a r t s Start by up having into it go into your toes. that the throughout t h e rest of y o u r b o d y . C h e s t first? A b d o m e n f i r s t ? . Allow the air to move into your body through your nose. As y o u you let the breath t a k e a b r e a t h . i n t o y o u r h a n d s a n d into your belly. the air is doing your breathing for you. t h e air f l o w s i n t o y o u r n o s e a n d m o u t h . thus the volume is n o t try to change a n y t h i n g in yourself yet . pay a t t e n t i o n to t h e s e q u e n c e w i t h w h i c h y o u b r e a t h e . Imagine part o f y o u r b o d y to that t o w h i c h t h e a i r i s f l o w i n g e x p a n d s a little a s t h e air m o v e s area. really hollow out their back at the same time. Just experience this. . Y o u d o n ' t have to do anything at all. E x h a l e a n d feel t h e s t r e a m o f i t w i t h y o u r h a n d . and slowly i s p u l l e d o u t a g a i n .of our body. then into successive into both breath. legs. Don't aware o f w h a t y o u a r e d o i n g . as y o u begin to do this breathing. o n e part at a time. and into your hands. Do you Do keep y o ur chest e x p a n d e d w h e n you expand your stomach on Or your Do you pelvis? stomach? feel t h e Into inhalation or exhalation? to your inhalation d o w n in the pit of y o u r genitals? Can you feel your ribs stomach' Down your expand on the sides? In t h e back? Many people. it flows d o w n into y o u r pelvis. t h a t i n s t e a d o f y o u r b r e a t h i n g t h e air. imagine that your breath is flowing into different parts of Let's your body. . with your then each feet. u p o n increasing the v o l u m e of their c h e s t s . t h e air i s breathing you. A s out.

fully they in y o u r inspiration fill a n d expiration. at don't the crest of the wave both chest and abdomen for e x h a l a t i o n . T h e s e q u e n c e i s n o t o f g r e a t i m p o r t a n c e h o w e v e r . your natural body elasticity will f o r c e t h e air o u t . Continue this breathing a w a r e n e s s u n t i l y o u feel c o m p l e t e l y r e l a x e d a n d a r e b r e a t h i n g e a s i l y . o f t h e c h e s t a n d t h e a b d o m e n d o w n a g a i n . first. T h i s m o v e m e n t s h o u l d f l o w i n a s m o o t h w a v e s o t h a t i t goes down your entire body.P l a c e o n e h a n d o n y o u r c h e s t a n d o n e h a n d o n y o u r a b d o m e n a s you b r e a t h e . a s long a s both Some the chest and belly participate breathers. T h e r e s h o u l d b e a rise i n t h e c h e s t a n d t h e a b d o m e n . let then go the belly rises. push. a l e t t i n g g o . I d e a l l y t h e c h e s t begins the wave. people are abdominal naturally their abdomen T h a t ' s o k a y t o o . t h e n a collapse. and with practice it will. 4U .

i t a l s o gives y o u a feel for and how close to this exaggeration of breathing. you n o r m a l l y c o m e . f i l l i n g y o u r lungs a n d m a k i n g t h e m o v e m e n t s o f t h e c h e s t a n d a b d o m e n . h o l d y o u r b r e a t h and make the m o v e m e n t s of breathing. S t o p a n d rest. Repeat this exercise four or five t i m e s . a n d t h e n d o t h e s e q u e n c e a g a i n for five r e p e t i t i o n s .N o w t a k e a d e e p b r e a t h a n d . without e x p e l l i n g t h e a i r . 41 . T h i s e x e r c i s e frees your diaphragm a n d starts the breath the exaggerated movements f l o w m o v i n g .

l e t t i n g t h e air c o m e o u t of y o u very much bottom like a sigh . let i n w h i c h y o u f i l l y o u r w h o l e b o d y w i t h air. l i k e a huge yawn. As y o u take a breath in. K e e p y o u r m o u t h open. . . . b u t y o u s h o u l d emit a the exercises. a s o u n d o f r e l e a s e . The vibration in the t h r o a t relaxes and releases that area. i m a g i n e t h e air g o i n g c o m p l e t e l y d o w n t o t h e b o t t o m o f y o u r pelvis . . Continue to have t o b e a l o u d s o u n d . ( h u h h h ) a c o m p l e t e l y l e t t i n g . .Begin to add some sound to your breathing. It does not sound each time you breathe throughout 42 .o u t . letting-go sound. W h e n i t g e t s t o the it g o . open your mouth. . m a k e the s o u n d .

up This pattern all kept through the exercises t h a t follow.o f f o f s o u n d . 43 . w e a r e controlled and quiet. P r a c t i c e m a k i n g d i f f e r e n t k i n d s o f s o u n d s . a s a d u l t s . f r e e i n g the area. go back. Work y o u r way t h r o u g h each exercise in this m a n n e r . reestablish y o u r b r e a t h i n g p a t t e r n a n d try to exercise the tense area again. a n d m a y your must body be to tingle. During intercourse. sounds can be stimulating and exciting to y o u r p a r t n e r . Each time you try exercise a p a r t o f y o u r b o d y t h a t i s t e n s e . T h e r e i s n o r u l e t h a t e x c i t e m e n t i s silent! Begin t o a l l o w y o u r e x c i t e m e n t t o e m e r g e t h r o u g h y o u r s o u n d s . be y o u r guidepost.b r e a k t h r o u g h t h e t e n s i o n . y o u r b r e a t h i n g m a y s t o p . T h e s e will e n h a n c e y o u r r e p e t o i r e for s e x u a l cornmunication w i t h o u t w o r d s . F o r m a n y people. t h e m e r e t h o u g h t of the sexual experience w i l l cause a gasp a n d a s h u t t i n g . I f i t d o e s .A s c h i l d r e n w e u s e d t o m a k e s o u n d s all t h e t i m e . noisy breathing and tingling to strengthen this r h y t h m . not y o u r " p r o g r e s s " through the exercises. besides being a m e a n s of c o m m u n i c a t i o n . T h e n e x t e x e r c i s e for f r e e i n g t h e n e c k a n d c h e s t will begin t o cause y o u r h a n d s o r o t h e r p a r t s o f of full-torso. sounding as y o u e x h a l e . Now you have begun to establish a diaphramatic breathing rhythm. Let your breath pattern. Y o u c a n — a f t e r r e p e a t e d a t t e m p t s . b u t n o w .

This exercise is u s e d to free the u p p e r part o f t h e b o d y . T o b e g i n . for t h e y i n d i c a t e t h e m o t i o n o f t h e s h o u l d e r s . I t i s m o s t easily u n d e r s t o o d i f y o u s t u d y the h a n d positions.Freeing the neck and chest. lie . t h e c h e s t a n d t h e n e c k .

N o w t a k e a breath i n a n d roll y o u r h a n d s a n d a r m s u p i n 45 .on the floor with your knees up. place your arms out to your sides. your hands palm d o w n .

the d i r e c t i o n o f y o u r h e a d . n o t i c e y o u r c h e s t will c o m e u p . . y o u r b a c k will a r c h a n d y o u r h e a d will r o l l b a c k . . .

N o w roll y o u r h a n d s i n t h e o p p o s i t e d i r e c t i o n a n d let y o u r b r e a t h o u t again. do the same your chest 47 . Your five time times. Next. n e c k a n d h e a d will follow. Repeat this breath each contracted on t i m e y o u r c h e s t rises a n d l e t t i n g i t o u t e a c h the forward movement. whole taking is a arm and shoulder.

In o t h e r w o r d s . arms and shoulders. .rotation of the h a n d s . y o u r head a n d n e c k . . and . adding pressure to y o u r chest . b u t this time change the motions of . w h e r e y o u r h e a d was rolling back now it should come forward as y o u inhale.

it should n o w be back as y o u exhale. r e t u r n t o t h e o r i g i n a l exercise. 49 . D o t h i s f i v e t i m e s . N o w . a s y o u d o i t n o t e h o w m u c h m o r e free y o u r m o v e m e n t s are. Change only t h e h e a d a n d n e c k m o t i o n .where y o u r head was forward.

H e r e ' s a less c o m p l i c a t e d e x e r c i s e t o free t h e c h e s t a n d n e c k . . enlarging your chest cavity ( b r e a t h e in as m u c h as possible). T a k e a b r e a t h a n d raise y o u r a r m s up a n d over y o u r head in a high arch.

Do this 5 t i m e s . 51 . t h i s t i m e l e t t i n g y o u r a r m s fall ( 5 t i m e s ) . D o t h i s s e q u e n c e o f r a i s i n g y o u r a r m s over y o u r h e a d a s y o u b r e a t h e i n a n d l o w e r i n g t h e m a s y o u b r e a t h e o u t five t i m e s . N o w go b a c k to t h e original w a y . N o w r e v e r s e t h e p r o c e s s . T h e s e e x e r c i s e s a r e all d e s i g n e d t o loosen the chest. raise y o u r a r m s i n a n a r c h o v e r y o u r h e a d . a n d to get y o u to begin to b r e a t h e a little m o r e d e e p l y . P u t y o u r arms d o w n again.A s y o u let y o u r b r e a t h g o . a s y o u let y o u r b r e a t h o u t . A s y o u t a k e a b r e a t h i n . t a k e a b r e a t h in. p u t y o u r a r m s d o w n . p u t y o u r a r m s b a c k d o w n .

unless it is shut off by restricted breathing. If you arc paying attention you'll notice this same tingling present in an orgasm. and you may find some feelings (emotions) beginning to emerge. Keep breathing.At this point you may begin to feel some tingling in your face and hands. you are beginning to learn to tolerate excitement! This feeling of tingling is present in our bodies all the time when we let go and pay attention to it. Do not be alarmed. 52 . this is suppose to be happening. It merely means you are alive! What you are experiencing is an exaggeration of your natural awareness of being alive. Just allow these to come up.

many people grasp at the bed and hold on to it as they approach orgasm. You probably have just been holding them under control by limiting your breathing. you've gone much beyond wish often to do. Your may also tingle. 53 . the way you hold your hands often can be an indication of your feelings. A closed fist may mean anger or that you are holding something in. but avoid thinking about them or analyzing them. let your hands rest open. This is contract. palms up in a receptive position. Let yourself experience what they are. Slow in your breathing breathing the scope of what we pace. Begin to pay attention to t h e m as though they were an interesting phenomenon. Holding on to your feelings is reflected your hands. Let them happen. This if great hands begin to will the that to continue. gets so tingling in your hands your hands begin too far.The feelings you may be experiencing. Try not to hold on as you exercise. if they are this close to the surface are not new.

Start at the center. face.Head. Let yourself go. and neck self-massage. Pretend that you're just wiping the emotions from your brow and removing them. Begin to massage your forehead by placing your hands on your brow and stroking. 54 . massaging from side to side. Allow your brow to be relaxed and comforted. stroking the brow. stroke outward. carrying your strokes clear around to behind your ear.

Feel the tension in the muscles along the ridge at the base of your skull (the occipital ridge the with ridge the where your scalp in line is attaches. tension. almost directly ears).Put your hands behind your head and feel your neck. One of the things you can do to relieve this tension is to take a small firm ball (a Coke bottle will do. or a milk bottle. This tension part of the tension that you hold in your forehead. Now let your head relax in your scalp and 55 . The neck and muscles. the back of the has also the the most most to Therefore. but a ball is more comfortable) and place it at the back of your neck. you have work with the back of the neck as well as the forehead to relieve tension forehead. The scalp is a one-piece facial ligament that attaches both in the front at the forehead and in neck.

begin to roll your head. Start by placing your t h u m b s just along the 56 . If so. Allow yourself to completely let it go. Be sure to continue your breathing. then continue. The next area of awakening is the area just above the eyes along the eyebrows and in between the eyes. sometimes this tension and discomfort is enough to stop your breathing rhythm and make you tighten elsewhere in your body. This exercise releases a large amount of that held tension. feeling for tense areas. . Tension in the neck or back of the head can be a source of headache and stiffness. You will know what area is tense .o n t o the ball. . you will feel a lump or bulge in the back of your head and maybe a feeling of soreness there. stop the exercise until you have your breathing and tingling pattern going again.

. You use this area of your face area through to express such feelings as worries. 57 . These and many more feelings may come to you as you release the massage. be aware of any holding or tension in the fan-shaped area above the ear (this is the temporalis muscle). you may become aware of aggressive or angry feelings. fretting. and if a thought or a feeling does come to you just allow it. express the " n o " by shaking your head. merely continue your inquiry. experience letting go and your breathing. Carry the stroke around to the temples. Massage this area with a stroking motion. Sometimes this is expressed as "I w a n t " or "I will". or you may feel like moving your head in a " n o " motion.. . When you come to the area around your temple. just let it roll from side to side . then watch it p a s s . that to happen. d o u b t s . especially between the eyes.. encourage these feelings to be expressed. Go ahead. Massage the area with the heel of your hand. This area is associated with clenching your teeth and jaw. keep your breathing going. allow the feeling associated with this motion to come out. Do this at least 10 times.ridge of the eyebrows. one stroke with each breath. . As this area is released. .

staring quality that many people's eyes develop.Now with the three middle fingers of the hand. Do this 10 times. cold. carrying the stroke clear around again to the temple area. This motion helps to get rid of bags and lines around the eyes. begin to stroke just below the eyes. it also relieves the hard. 58 . but keep your breathing going. "milking" out the puffy areas just below the eye sockets and making a continual motion around to the top of the ears and the back of the head.

Rub with circular motions and firm pressure. Continue your massage down your face to your cheeks. feel the muscles beneath your fingers. things may look very much clearer. If this begins to happen. j u s t allow yourself to cry. putting this new awareness to use. allow the tears to come until they are finished.It is interesting to note that after you work with the muscles around the eye you may discover that you have new energy in your eyes. Use a "wiping-away" m o t i o n . 59 . look around the r o o m . if you can. You will find that a great deal of the tension that was held in your face has been relaxed. exercise your eyes. As your massage moves down your face to your cheek you may find yourself feeling like you wish to cry. You may have a new consciousness of what you see when you open and close your eyes.

and nature . The area from just below the j a w up to the ear is the masseter. . the major jaw muscle for clamping the jaw shut. Now go to the lower lip and chin. let the experience happen. 60 . or the fantasies memory of a pleasant childhood outing. Don't forget to give this muscle firm pressure and massage it in a circular motion. paying particular attention to the corners of the m o u t h . . you may discover feelings of laughter. Again.When massaging your of a pleasant upper lip. such as running in the country.

or its female counterpart. as if you were in a stupor. clicking your teeth together — about 32 times. etc. Now take your lower jaw in your hands. the look of sadness around the eyes which holds tears and sorrow. Remember to allow your breathing to continue at a full. hold it. you can experience the feelings. and that you are allowing them to come u p . The constant "nice guy" smile which hides anger or aggression. smoothly-flowing. may be associated attention with this area. and open and close your mouth. and go on from there. the "hostess" smile. a feeling of terror or panic like not being able to escape.The emotions and expressions that are held in this cheek area seem to be some of the most dramatic yet the easiest to release. relaxed rate. 61 . reestablish it before beginning again. if your breathing pattern is broken. The point is that if you feel these things pay to them. See if you can let your jaw become more relaxed. let them happen.

Over A Barrel. Now let's move on to the chest. do if you so the next time you practice these exercises. sound and the way you hold tension in your chest. a quivering chin. A great deal of tension is held in the jaw. which may be expressed when the area is released. Releasing the tension n o w will increase your feelings in intercourse. The gesture of turning down the corners of the mouth (as a negating statement) is also associated with these negative feelings. I have devised a padded barrel (I call it the Rosenberg barrel) which is a convenient way of working with breath. As tensions are released here it is useful to stretch your j a w out and raise your upper lip in a snarl — and growl. Sometimes helplessness. The face is a major means of expressing feelings. you can begin to been making the sounds see the connection were doing this Come with the sounds you make and your breathing. You will be very interested to note how many of your feelings you hold or " b l o c k " in your face. As you that didn't. particularly those which involve bending backwards. breathing. It is obvious that as you do these exercises. but it is also one of the major means of blocking feelings and their expression. which is what you are after. There are the you should have your jaw. (A word of caution: don't do any exercise that is uncomfortable or painful.As you work with between massage. and tears are released at this point. but doing this will dissipate some stored anger. some chronic emotions that seem to be released when working around the mouth and jaw. Now make a vowel sound to go with your expression. you will find that a great many feelings and expressions associated with your "character" or " m a s k " may come to the surface. You may feel strange. hold their faces very rigid. During sexual excitation many people hold their jaws very tense. b u t most particularly anger. 62 . close their eyes and block a great deal of the feelings of excitement that want to come out during intercourse. feelings of pitifulness. and begin the movement exercises.

padded with a piece of foam rubber. 63 . It is merely a keg about 18 inches in diameter and 3 feet long. then covered with canvas or leatherette. you had better skip this one.if you have back troubles.) The construction of the barrel is very simple. and tie it with a rope or two. If you don't wish to go to that effort. just wrap a blanket around a barrel.

that your breathing is up and your back against the yourself comfortable. that you have some tingling in your hands or body. Sit with barrel. and make Raise your arms up over your head and. as 64 .Before make sure you begin this exercise.

. that are tense.you take a breath in. or a couple of places. let a sound o u t . ahhhhh. roll back and forth over that area to encourage releasing the area. the sound you're making will seem to stop or be forced at those places. you'll find that there's one place in your back. When this happens. Also. As you roll. roll back on the barrel. . .

You don't have to have a barrel. Do this until you have freed yourself of these tense areas and your sound doesn't change as you roll. the sound is one continuous a hhhhhhh . you could use a stool or the end of a couch. or any number of things. but using a barrel allows you to roll back and forth at the rate and degree to which you feel most comfortable. 66 . . In other words. some pillows rolled u p . .Now start up the barrel again.

.Many times the tension that you feel on the barrel is right at the point below the diaphragm. If you don't have a barrel . . you'll want to stretch your back. and open your chest as much as possible. This is the major place that you'll want to put pressure. 67 .

After you've opened the diaphragm. This exercise often elicits a fear of falling in many people and is akin to the same feeling of loss of control that comes with orgasm or "falling in love. and keep rolling back and forth until you're able to rest your shoulders on the floor with only your pelvis supported by the barrel. Pay attention to your breathing and notice where on the roll you tense up and stop yourself. your whole torso will be opened for deeper breathing. Work these places back and forth until they open. 68 . you can roll on back. When you can do this. you won't fall." Fear not.

if this happens. Then turn over and bounce it the other way. raise your hips off the ground and bounce your pelvis. Bounce your pelvis vigorously at least 25 times on each side.) It is helpful to put your feet against the wall as you bounce. You may waste the whole price of the book. This will awaken your pelvis and it will begin to come alive. You are now ready to move further down t h e b o d y and into your pelvic area. 69 . hit or beat a pillow. (if you are male and you have an erection don't do this part. This exercise may release stored anger. As you're lying on the floor with your knees u p . See page 103.The Pelvic Bounce.

and keep sighing as you exhale. and then as you let it out. Your first motion is to slightly cock your pelvis back as you take a breath in. 70 . it should now be centered on your genital area. imagine you're pulling the air in through your genitals and exhaling out through the same place. Your pelvis may want to bounce. place your hands on your pelvis and. Lying on your back again. Allow that to happen any time it feels comfortable. Hold the pelvis there until you're ready to inhale again. arching your back very slightly.Pelvic rocking. But keep your m o u t h open. You have been breathing in and out through your nose and mouth. it is important that you begin to change the emphasis on your breathing. and breath out — pelvis forward. let your pelvis rotate back. practice just the breathing part until you've got it. . Now begin a kind of mental gymnastics to change the origin of your breath . So it's breathe in pelvis back. In other words. let your pelvis rotate forward. . If you have trouble doing this and imagining your breath is coming in and out your genitals at the same time. as you take a breath in. At this point.

71 . with your whole torso. you can only thrust rigidly.Once you're sure of your pelvic movement. you'll prefer it to whatever you've been doing. Once you get the hang of pelvic rotation. letting air out. This movement. drop your arms to your side and continue the movement in a relaxed manner fifteen times. Your stomach shouldn't be tight. If you do not let your pelvis rotate freely. Just rock your pelvic rotation is the proper way to thrust during intercourse. Do not force the pelvis forward very lightly. Your exhalation should be a letting-go.

at the same time you exhale. then stop reaching and just breathe and rock your pelvis back and forward. Practice it very slowly. reach downward with your arms.Now. you'll begin to see how natural the phenomenon of pelvic movement is. Try to relax those extra muscles. paying attention to your . Pay attention to how you tense yourself by moving more muscles than are necessary to do this simple rocking of the pelvis. This is the major movement that you want to synchronize at this time: your breath with your pelvic rotation. be sure your breath goes out when your pelvis comes forward. Do this about 10 times. Breathe and do this pelvic rock for at least 5 minutes. Once you've got it.

Stop if you feel tension coming into your neck. or a headache may start. You rnay find that now you arc getting some vibrations. and goes out through them when the pelvis tilts forward.. or you may feel pain some other place in your body. being sure that your breath is "drawn in through the genitals" when the pelvis tilts back.. As your pelvis 73 . some shaking and tingling on the inside of your legs. This merely means that the energy flow has moved downward.breath. Slapping your legs together or rubbing and light massage make Strange things may start happening now. these feelings more comfortable. all of a sudden your neck may get tense.

get your breathing started again . start massaging your neck.moves. back the tension may shift up to your neck. because the neck and the pelvis work together. The way you hold your head and the way that you hold your pelvis are coordinated. with smoothly again. so as you begin to loosen up your start pelvis. With a little work. your neck should release again. paying attention to it as you go along. it is most common to get tension reflected back up into your neck. Do this same thing . . 74 .massage plus starting over again — for tension anywhere else in your b o d y . and again slowly work up to your pelvic movement. . if so.

During the day. Do this after any interruption "charge". Repeat this sequence about 10 times and your breathing and tingling will be started.. or moving in any way. (snake-like lift of pelvis) This is a yoga and dance exercise to emphasize the proper motion of the final pelvic orgastic reflex. in your exercises to quickly resume your previous level of Pelvic which is Lift. then do one long exhalation. which has been designed movements of the 75 . as you go about your life. Panting. The sequence is: draw air into your chest and pant 6 times. while walking. pay attention to the amount of tension you hold in your pelvis when you d o n ' t need neck to. dancing. One way of rapidly starting the breathing pattern and increasing your tingling is to pant with the chest only.. It also gets your energy. Then try to see how you reflect this to your if you can catch this sequence often enough you can save yourself a lot of tension headaches.

in other words. one vertebrae at a time. . . grounding the energy.aroused by your breathing. into your feet . The pelvic lift is similar to the way a snake lifts off the ground. Start by taking a breath in and cocking your pelvis back' then as you expel your air out (remember to imagine your air coming in and .

one vertebrae at a time until you are resting on your shoulders and feet.out through your genitals) raise your pelvis off the ground. .

Now come back down reversing the process. h o w your energy bounces back from the ground or your feet to your pelvis. Your stomach is not tight at this point: it should be relaxed with the pelvis up and forward. the pelvis moved forward. is the final movement in an orgasm: that is. letting your pelvis stay cocked forward or up until the last moment. Be sure to come back d o w n one vertebrae at a time. Practice this at least 8-10 times each session. This. Begin the sequence again by taking a breath and cocking your pelvis back only when you're ready to breathe again. as I said. Do this exercise in a very slow movement. feet grounded. throughout It is most critical especially to feel the spreading of excitement your body. breath out. 78 .

it's pretty strenuous." of getting your energy movement down into your feet.Bioenergetic Bridge. At the same time. like wrestlers d o . What you're starting to do now is to get into the concept of "grounding. you are getting your pelvic movement and your breath better coordinated. the feeling of the muscles can be brought to your attention far more easily. As you breathe. Sometimes by exaggerating. from your head to your heels. let your pelvis rotate back in the same easy breathing manner that you used in pelvic rocking. I don't recommend this exercise for everybody. This exercise is really an exaggeration of the last exercise that you did. Breathe forward and back in this alternative position to get the feeling of moving your pelvis. Place your fists underneath your heels. bridging. Then slowly bring yourself up on your head. J u s t do it if you wish to further cement your feeling of pelvic activation. 79 .

now exhale rocking it forward and lifting off the floor. rocking your pelvis back as you inhale. Put your feet up against a wall and do your breathing movement.Grounding against a wall. 80 . one vertebrae at a time until you're on your shoulders. feet on the wall.

and of grounding your energy into the floor (the wall. You can begin to get the feeling of using the extensor muscles on the front of your thighs to pull the pelvis up and forward. 81 .Hold here until you feel like coming down. Do this 5-10 times slowly. in this case) or into your feet. Remember to breathe in and o u t of your genital area.

This exercise is similar to the last exercise. Then come back slowly to . rock your pelvis back (inhaling) and then come forward with your pelvis (exhaling). pushing with your hands on the floor and pushing against the wall with your heels. but turned over.On all fours. Your feet are against the wall.

83 . As you do t h e m . Do this one 5-7 times. and of pushing up with your pelvis. you may begin to feel tight and tense again. All these exercises are ways of getting your energy down into y o u r feet.your starting position.

you'll find that many times the inguinal area (the area just above the pubic area) and the belly are very tight. you must go back and find where you're holding on You may have stopped breathing. As you begin to pay attention to where you're holding on. Allow yourself to just breathe in this position for awhile and relax 84 . The Belly Rest.If tension occurs. buttocks up and knees apart. An excellent exercise to relieve tension in the inguinal area is to turn over and lie with your head on the floor. so start again.

from the stress of holding your legs together. rocking your pelvis back. it will right itself in this position. for if her uterus is slightly tilted (prolapsed). The position also relaxes tensions in the belly. Another place tension appears frequently is in the inner thighs.a bit giving that area a chance to let go. Take a breath. 85 . This is particularly comfortable to a woman.

of letting air come in as you inhale and then imagining letting someone "penetrate" (particularly. breathing slowly and easily. Particularly important here is the idea of being receptive. Relax your stomach muscles as you do this exercise. for women). open your legs and exhaling through imagine you're the genital area. Repeat about 10-15 times. but not only.and then as you let your breath out. 86 .

and then back down on t h e ground. so that your legs come up over your body. Here is an exercise that is useful to help you in letting go of your legs and stomach muscles. Put your hands on your belly to make sure that you're not using the stomach muscles to draw your legs up. 87 .Allow your legs to fall apart and open.Knee Circles. Now. Do this six or seven times. drag your heels. Pay attention to your breathing. draw your legs up very slowly.

for allowing that opening to take place. This is an alternative exercise. Many of us have spent years building our " m o r a l i t y " muscles. the inner muscles of our legs that we use to keep our legs together. The "little bird" is a Yoga exercise that can be very useful for opening the muscles on the insides of the legs.The "Little Bird". You sit with xx .

and also stretches the neck and back. Do this about 15 times. exhaling. Then lean over. Repeat this sequence at least 3 times. drawing them as close to your body as possible. very much as a bird would fly. 89 . and try to put your head o n t o your feet. This stretches the " m o r a l i t y " muscles in between the legs.the soles of your feet together. hold your feet with both hands. Now raise and lower your legs in a flying-type movement.

you should be able to feel the contractions. muscles when you contract the pubococcygcus muscle. a flaccid. pulling the muscle in with the intake of your breath. to return tone and flexibility to this area. you use this muscle to do that. This exercise is a Japanese massage technique for those men whose testes and penises are held up tight most of the time. Do this several times whenever you think of it. It is a means of bringing relaxation and awareness to the scrotum and testes and it helps loosen genital tension. 90 . This is an exercise you can practice any time or place you choose: standing in line for a movie. the more pleasure it can give you as it is stretched by penetration. This exercise is not recommended for those men whose testes hang quite freely. Just contract and relax the muscle. then let go. lie down and start your breathing pattern. pull each teste 35 times). You and your sexual partner will both reap the benefits! The Japanese Testi-Pull. To do the exercise. vagina. Now contract your muscle while inhaling. Then try contracting the muscle at other times. To locate this muscle. Take one teste in each hand and gently pull down on them one time for each year of your life (if you are 3 5 . flabby pubococcygeus won't afford you much feeling at all. on a bus — nobody will ever know. It can be done in any position and any time tension is present. This is an exercise many women have found for increasing feeling in the genital area. Continue to breathe regularly. practice you will learn to contract it without contracting the stomach Now bear d o w n like you're trying to push something out of your vagina. Pull down. then contract it and hold it for the count of three. By inserting a finger in your vagina. and as you exhale.The useful Vaginal Squeeze. it is frequently prescribed for The Pubococcygeus muscle is a broad band of muscle that surrounds the women who have just had babies. hold for a count of three. It is rich in sensitive nerve endings. try stopping your urine flow. relax the muscle. or trying to urinate in a hurry. You may notice that you contract your stomach with muscles. such as occurs in sexual penetration. Do these exercises 10 times each. which are stimulated by pressure from inside the vagina. working up to 25 times each in two or three weeks. Obviously the more firm and better-toned this muscle is.

Squatting. This exercise throughout the of energy help you stimulates 91 . Put your arms in between your legs to add pressure to the inside of the legs. Squatting helps to place the organs of the body in a good position and to open up and relax the genital area. Then reach out in front of you with your arms. You may want to grab hold of something to maintain the flow this position. Sometimes this is difficult for people who arc not used to doing these kinds of exercises. if you'll place a book under your heels it will make the exercise much easier.

You should have a steady pattern of breathing g o ing while least three minutes. and it also gets you in touch with the grounding of your heels so that you can feel your feet and your energy flow at the same time.b o d y . Stay in this position for at the most important thing. 92 . All of this is done on while you are still breathing rhythmically. Remember that the breathing is you are doing this and every exercise.

Stand and turn your toes slightly inward. and lean back as far as you can. put your head backward. put your fists on the small of your back. Here is a basic bioenergetic exercise which helps get energy streaming throughout the body.Bioenergetic Bends. you'll find that your legs begin to vibrate and shake in a very short time. Feel the ground under your feet. 93 . Continue breathing deeply. which will help to pull your chest back. As the energy gets going.

You can do this exercise about three times backward and forward. in like each position. 94 . holding for at least one minute exercise.Now lean over with your arms dangling to the ground. This most of the others. leaning more forward in the proper manner will allow the energy to flow better. Here is the incorrect position: the person's weight is too far back on his heels.

remember) by breath come your push forward with your pubic area. For example. exaggerate the expression of anger by sticking your chin out the feelingStepping out.tends to encourage the release of feelings. vertebrae vertebrae up from the tailbone. if you push hard 95 . your back will the automatically. you Stand take out. This is a useful exercise for or growling. and in do the Pelvic Lift in this position. off up against a wall. if in this exercise you should feel anger while in the back position. This will facilitate getting in touch with the feeling of moving energy to your feet by activating the extensor muscles of the as legs. as you let your genitals. snarl like a dog who is mad. Cock your pelvis back a breath (through wall and. so it is important that you allow and even encourage this release.

and you get the feeling of forward motion. This exercise can be practiced any time while waiting for a bus. 96 . or between projects at work to keep the feeling of moving o u t and down in mind.enough. When you take a step forward those muscles activate the pelvis. you will find that the extensor muscles of your legs have to come forward to catch your forward movement. Step o u t five times with each foot.

you may find that you have stopped your breathing. . notice where you carry your tension. when you can work through these exercises and not alter your breathing. you are ready to begin work with a partner. can increase their physical excitement by doing these exercises. flowing manner as you take a pelvic during the orgastic reflex. move your pelvis forward and imagine that your motion is helping to propel the car along the road! Try the Squatting exercise first thing in the morning. Although most of these exercises have to be done in private. in the ideal. At this point. this one will help get your energy started for the day. even though they may be partially paralyzed..These exercises have been designed to promote harmony between your pelvic movement and your breathing. lost track of the sequence your the of breathing. any time you wish. . For example. and yet have a very satisfactory loving relationship with another person. Each time that you go from one exercise to another. then let it go. of your or that you are no longer breathing correctly with Your pelvis forward. The exercises stimulate the autonomic nervous system and will help increase the level of excitement for anyone. a few can be done anywhere. I have even found that pelvic rocking can be used on a trip in the car to keep my energy flowing. The most important thing in the exercises is to keep movement breath. warm conditions I discussed earlier. every time you walk or move begin to see how you hold o n t o your breath and your m o v e m e n t s . 97 . Even if you have time for no other exercising. movements. backward and forward. People who are physically handicapped in some way. As you let the breath out.. Merely take a breath in "through your genitals" and rock back. upward exhalation has to take place in an easy. quiet.

the exercises can be continued as a way of keeping your energy tuned u p . Make them part of your general health exercise program. They are excellent to continue even after you have begun working with a partner.These exercises have been developed to arouse your total body energy in general as well as your sexual energy specifically. in between sessions with your partner. . after the major purposes of working together have been accomplished. T h e n .

that the necessary in working with a partner to establish the responsibility for sexual excitement remains with each As soon as you begin to try to teach somebody else to tolerate excitement. Now the task is to keep that excitement in the presence of another person . or as soon as the motivation and the energy for these exercises comes from outside yourself rather than within.Preliminaries for Working with a Partner As you move into the exercises for working with a partner. t h e major thing to be conscious of is your feeling a b o u t t h e relationship. for it is in the feeling realm t h a t y o u shut off your excitement and your pleasure. you are automatically defeated. The exercises in Exercising Alone are ample for getting you in touch with your excitement and teaching you how to breathe and move so you can experience the smooth flow of your body in orgasm. 99 . You can do some things to facilitate it. but you cannot make anybody else enjoy something. When you work with another person. . to increase it through making contact and sensing another's presence. in fact. your major task is to bring the energy you've achieved through working alone into the new relationship. You cannot get somebody else to enjoy anything. It is absolutely understanding participant. .

1 am reminded of the Kazantzakis story of St. you may become sexually aroused during the exercises. he began to think of all the poor. wretched. " B u t G o d . your working together is doomed. if you get charged up and go on to an orgasm before you are able to tolerate the charge for any length of time. it is important that both of you put off immediate gratification for the sake of possible long-range gratification. Although it doesn't happen routinely. Francis who was standing on a hill. in 'Satori. what of those poor suffering people?" And a deep voice came from the heavens. not realizing that they often invade the o t h e r ' s space and rob him of his own right to develop his own potential.I like to re-emphasize this point to those who feel it their duty to help their partner. When you work with a partner. those others are mine. This will give you an opportunity to practice spreading your excitement throughout your b o d y instead of focusing it on your genitals. For this reason. It is important partner in advance and to establish your feelings about your sexual excitement with your partner beforehand. Later on we will talk about the use of the exercises 100 . Take care of yourself. suffering people who were not at his level of Bliss. these are exercises to increase your tolerance to excitement. Enjoy your excitement and let it add charge to your exercises. at one with the universe. I recommend that when you work with a partner you do not go to orgasm. There is no rule that says if you are sexually aroused you have to to discuss this possibility frankly with your satisfy that urge immediately.' All of a sudden. then you are going to decrease your possibility of working with the exercises successfully. If you are not willing to do the work. Keep moving and breathing. Remember. and he said to God in a very worried voice. perhaps even have an erection. "Francis." if you take the responsibility for your partner's excitement rather than leaving it to him. in total bliss and j o y .

or with fantasy. etc. Men more often find they reach a climax t o o soon.for increasing the excitement of foreplay and of the orgastic cycle. when with someone else. Instead. Many of us can tolerate the sexual experiences or pleasurable feelings t h a t come with sex alone. in an orgasm. and also be aware of the presence and effect of the other person upon you . guilt. we no longer can tolerate these feelings. a kind of sharing in this situation that neither of you may have been able to achieve before. and you upon him. In order to work together you will have to open yourselves. or coming together. is part of the goal you will work toward. It is extremely important w h e n working with a partner that you maintain contact and communication with t h a t person so that you can experience the feelings in your own body and allow them to occur. These exercises for working together are to be done very slowly. 101 . The same areas of tightness have to be experienced again and again before you will begin to let them go. This work cannot be hurried or rushed through in any way. but the muscular patterns that defend your body were not developed overnight. as well as each to the other person. your partners have to relationship. but when we get in the presence of a n o t h e r person. we get feelings of embarrassment. If you can work together this way. and both partners have to be willing to commit themselves to t h e project. This may sound a bit difficult and discouraging. . Some women can achieve orgasm easily by masturbation. and it will take time to pattern new responses. This coincidence of feeling. . It is really better to work alone than to work with an uncooperative or impatient partner. Both pay attention to themselves. That is t h e proper time to think about releasing your charge. and your communications to each other. and yet. you may find a new kind of pleasure. find it impossible to reach a climax.

You may have added discomfort if you are not used to exposing your feelings in the presence of another. you won't keep crying forever. and its hard outer shell. If we didn't. And so the melting process. you can't possibly allow your pleasurable feelings to increase. In this work. is a continuous part of the growing process. as you start breathing. until you can get in touch with all your feelings. Crying is a normal occurrence in this kind of work. or that you have to d o . Just be there. you are to just merely be with your partner and allow him or her to have feelings. We all have a number of things to cry about. to reassure y o u . in particular. there is nothing that you can do about it. Many m e n . Most of t h e iceberg's bulk is below the water. you might " e x p l o d e " into feeling. another part comes u p . and allow. the crying. its insensitivity. these exercises will put you in close touch with your emotions. Some people believe that because someone is crying or is into his feelings deeply. we wouldn't be h u m a n . stay in contact. he's usually trying to elicit some kind of influence on his environment to get something to happen. Crying or feelings of loneliness or wanting to be held are one type of emotion that may come up. All of a sudden. Another type that may arise in this work is anger 102 .As I have said before. Think of the b o d y as an iceberg. Let these feelings out. you can feel like crying more easily w h e n you increase your overall feeling content. Until you can "melt" some. We respond by picking him up to comfort him or to get him to quiet down. something has to be done about it. It's your partner's j o b to let you know you can go through this. so when the sun comes out and it begins to melt. a huge iceberg that has had many years to build up its coldness. the only part that melts is the part above the surface. if a baby cries. the allowing of feelings. are not used to feeling like they are going to cry. This is true whether you are working alone or with a partner. As that part melts through.

or bite or chew or strangle the pillow. If you get in touch with some anger. but not taken out on your partner. These feelings may surprise 103 . kick or hit a pillow.and resentment. The feelings must be let out. Just allow them to happen.

you have "catastrophic expectations" which. . . You know how to do that. it will be different then. You can comfort yourself by knowing that you can turn these feelings off. Come back to it just as you do with your breathing . someone else share your feelings. 104 ." just return to it again later. Call a psychologist your feelings again. When and talk to him. soon it will no longer bother you. you may never get to them someone begins to realize how turned off he is and seeks professional help. you can always seek counsel. if your feeling space doesn't seem " m o r e than you can handle. you will be able to work through the feeling. will reveal themselves as unfounded fantasy. you've been doing it for a lifetime. You may feel like you're going to kill yourself or somebody else. If you are in a space where your feelings seem overwhelming. and I recommend very strongly you do seek or professional psychiatrist help if you even suspect Let you need it. If you shut off now and go back into your iceberg. this may be the most important thing in your life. a little at a time. where you can't go on. In this way. when followed to their ultimate conclusions.you by their intensity. it's usually a major step in his life.

. If so. you your feel that they're tingling. . 105 . turn some music on and dance . Other feelings that will arise. As you breathe. are bodily feelings. if baby. overwhelming. curled up like a there. whether working alone or with your partner. stand up and j u m p around. let the energy o u t .I've talked mostly about the emotions that go with this work. . you tingle and vibrate. put yourself on your side in a fetal position. let it go. . and the just vibrations lie become so strong slowly that . Sometimes the energy gets so strong you feel that you just can't contain yourself. breathing breathing. Your body begins to twitch.

"I work as hard as I can and I still can't have an orgasm." Or. and you automatically act a certain way." It may be that you've fallen into a "performance trap" in your sexual relationship. and as soon as I look at my girlfriend I go off. not around his head. then I j u m p in bed. Put your arms around him very much like you hold a baby. T h e more you can stay 106 . but around his b o d y . many times by just having him curl up in the fetal position and holding him. will calm down in a couple of minutes. "I've done all of the breathing. you can be of help. I've tried all your suggestions. y o u ' r e full of baloney.everything. What if these exercises d o n ' t work? You might say. If your partner gets into this space. you can always shut the energy off. and I do my pelvic movements. You have a safety valve.

I tried "Partner and "Partner " D o e r " and " H e l p e r . you are working t o o fast and need to spend more time on each exercise. allow at least one to two hours for each session. perhaps three times a week. in my opinion. Nothing seemed adequately descriptive without being bulky. imagine yourself moving in slow motion . Begin with your partner by deciding upon a series of times to meet.that's the way this work should be done. Don't try to trade roles after each exercise or you will lose your energy charge and your r h y t h m . There are sex clinics in most urban centers now which are set up to help with just such difficulties. You may not be able to work through the entire sequence for several sessions. My advice is that each of you take a full session or week of sessions in each role as "active" or "passive. Such a problem is. and have run into language difficulties. receptive) participation. I often need to distinguish none of which are one clear partner from the other. I settled on "active" and "passive" as a compromise." this set of exercises. enough. In A" describing B. if you can. " etc. beyond the scope of any book. 107 . the easier you can realize whether this is what's happening to y o u ." then switch roles for the next session or week of sessions. These exercises were not designed for people who have a serious problem with sex.in touch with yourself during intercourse. with the reservation that when I use the word "passive" I am implying a passive (that is open. If you do them all the first session. If the exercises still seem to have no effect on you after several weeks of work this could be a sign that some form of counseling would be useful.

The grounding should take another hour. you may sometimes find that you will want to take more time with the breathing sequence.The sequence up to lifting and rocking the pelvis may be accomplished perhaps in each because the first two hours. . and therefore will have to extend your total exercise time. Some of the breathing exercises you did when working alone can easily be used for this purpose. relax into the exercises and enjoy! 108 .. skip them and go directly to your breathing and movement. One possible way of working so that you won't have to stop and refer back to the book all the time is to record an outline of the exercise sequence on a tape recorder. Perhaps there will be some things that you wish to leave out . As you do these exercises. that where you left off the body unenergized part of your "getting acquainted" exercises need only be done for the first session or so after that. from don't go on would leave from rocking the pelvis up to and including previous session that time. to get your breath energy up. Start each session at the beginning exercise time.. or to add from the chapter on Working Alone. . Take your time.

if it turns out that this is the case. when you can really look at the other person with acceptance. In fact nudity sometimes gets in the way. feeling any demand on yourself or putting any expectations on yourself. Sensing another. Consider this an important part of the exercise and try to get to a place free of demands before you begin. At this point you'll 109 . the first thing to do is to lie down together. demanding anything. make your demands explicit. if you can't do this. After you have established your relationship verbally. In this position.. You may notice quite a bit of nervousness now and that your partner's belly might be quivering slightly. without making a demand. it is not necessary to work in the nude.. not expecting anything. The most important thing is to get used to being with another person. When this is possible. then put some clothes on. until your r h y t h m s have begun to flow together. . You can feel his excitement. that your nudity creates unreal expectations. you can feel his heart and how it beats. then it is possible to begin to work together. Lie this way for at least five minutes by the clock . Name what it is you want from the other person. and feel the other person's rhythm. then you should discuss what it is that keeps you from doing it. Being with another means accepting where he or she is .Working with a Partner When exercising with a partner. . each with a hand on the other's belly close to the solar plexis.

As you join hands. no-sound-at-all exercise. as in the illustration. do so in 110 . Just lie still and pay attention to the other person's breath r h y t h m . Sit up. This is a silent.notice that your breaths seem to come somewhat at the same time. Don't make any effort to have this happen. Eye-alogue. join hands and look at each other.

Look at the other person. You are not holding your partner's hands any more than she is holding yours. Sit in this position for a bit and begin to look in each other's eyes to establish the feeling of presence. turn off. Now each of you close your eyes and Try to put your attention into y o u r body. or alter or stop your breathing. just look. go away. a place of calmness inside 111 . By "presence" I mean are you here? Is your partner here? It is possible to be present in the b o d y .) Remember. physically in the room. and acknowledge her. . continue to make contact. the difference is that you use your eyes only. find your center.such a way that you hold each other equally. Sometimes just being present with another person is enough to cause you to become nervous. (An eye-alogue 's similar to a dialogue. inside yourself. see if she's present. . b u t not present with your whole being. Continue this eye-alogue for a time. close up. don't talk during this exercise .

and again make contact with your partner. . This several contact By and withdrawal shuttling from can a be very useful to you. talk about what your hand " s a i d " and what his hand " a n s w e r e d " during your silent conversation with hands. Many times you'll discover " t h e r e " inside what is missing " h e r e . Now come back to the present. . " comparing your inner experience with your outer. Tell him what has been happening in you and how you are feeling right now. A conversation could go like this: " I ' m holding you tightly because I feel nervous and I feel your calmness reassuring m e . "answer. . Open your eyes and be aware of your partner again. open your eyes now. " or "I too am tense and am holding on to y o u . " Continue this imagined dialogue as long as your hands can express what you feel. Experience what it is like to be with yourself. Silent have a "hand-voice" conversation Find to speak with out your hands. come back again . Now. What is it like to be " h e r e ? " How do you feel here?" Compare this " h e r e " with your " t h e r e . withdrawing briefly situation experience or your inner self. Talk about your feelings during the "eye-alogue" too and h o w they changed or didn't change when you went "inside" . Go inside again. about Imagine your then that allow your hands can speak or by letting your imagined hands to your partner's voice. Each of you can continue to shuttle back and forth between the " h e r e " and the " t h e r e .yourself. partner partner. come and be present in the " h e r e " with your partner. Stay " t h e r e " for at least a minute. . Experience your "inside" more fully . . in into your physical ways. 112 . " your inner self. . " I'll talk a bit more about contact and withdrawal in the chapter on Losing Your Mind. you can cope better. and bring your attention to your hands and to those of your partner." Each partner imagines a conversation between the hands. I will not hurt y o u . then you can come back to the present with more energy . " Your partner's hands might answer: "Please don't be afraid. then talk about these exercises with your partner. you can usually get some rest and support. . . but neither speaks out loud.

So if you described what you held between your hands as an " i t . when they describe what's between their hands. as "I ." still holding o n t o his head. And that's how they treat someone else. " an object. . " that's how you held the person . . Do this before reading further. 113 . refer to their partner's head as " i t . Many people. This will give you a feeling for what it's like to treat a person as an object. " Look at your partner and say aloud: "I .I — Thou.it. Now put your hands on both sides of your partner's head while he puts his hands on either side of your head.i t . Describe to each other what's between your hands.

"I — y o u . .Thou. Now try "1 — t h o u . "I — y o u " is still not relational. . "I — y o u " involves a separateness.Now.of both of us together in the "I Thou relationship — I want to encourage! This is a good exercise for opening up to your friend or mate. The speaker has taken a stand in relation to another. but in the I . and a little of me is in you. " Say "I . try another statement .Thou relationship there is a sense of caring for another as you care for yourself. I . about knowing him as " T h o u . The " t h o u " implies that a little of you is in me. " for " t h o u " has no bounds. This experience . there is no " t h i n g . a " y o u " out there. It's a " t h o u " that experiences both of us together.y o u " to your partner a couple of times. This will establish what it's like to treat a person not as an object. " But when " t h o u " is spoken. that when " t h o u " is spoken there is no thing for an object. " no " i t . A relational process is taking place which both of you are sharing. " Martin Buber said in his book. Again. both things are bound by each other. talk to your partner of your feelings about this exercise. When there is a thing there exists another thing. you treat yourself also in that manner. An " i t " can only exist through being bounded by another " i t . and we share that relationship with the infinite being. " 114 . but as another person. If you treat another as an object.

your partner on the floor.Sensing another's energy. Sit opposite your hands. Now rub your hands together rapidly for a minute to generate heat and energy in 115 .

You will feel the other person's presence or "vibrations. Close your eyes n o w and with your hands 116 .Put your hands up next to each other. about a quarter-of-an-inch to an inch apart." even though you don't touch her hands.

b u t be aware of where t h e o t h e r person is. Keep your eyes closed during this " d a n c e " and you'll find o u t who's 117 . " don't touch. feel t h e other person's presence with your hands.still almost-together. Extend this to a movement or " d a n c e .

You are getting in touch with your partner's sensitivity to you and with your sensitivity to her. move to a standing position. It's amazing how much you can sense with your eyes closed. then flow to the other. 118 . Allow your movements to be slow and gentle. talking will only distract you.leading. Allow this movement to happen. let the lead come from one of you. Keep silent during the exercise. Take turns. Start on your knees.

the follower or the leader. All 'the exercises in this chapter are directed to the "active" participant to read to the "passive" partner.Now share your experiences verbally with your partner. who does them. The "active" partner 119 . talk about what you discovered about yourself and about her. For the rest of these exercises." (Remember both partners are actually active participants in this process. in the breathing position. The "passive" partner begins by lying on her back with her knees up. one partner will be "active" and the other "passive. Share how it felt to be active or passive.) Choose which of you wishes to be "passive" first. Saying "Hello" without words. you'll switch places later so both of you will experience both roles.

" with that part of the other person that shares with you this time and space dimension called " n o w . . Keep your hands next to your partner's ears for a minute or so. " Your caring for your partner helps you get into t h a t place.kneels behind. The most important thing you can do for yourself is be with another " t h o u . not touching. and begins by merely putting his hands next to his partner's ears. allowing her to feel the presence of his hands. . somewhat in the way the sensitivity " d a n c e " is done . 120 . but at a distance.

" Slowly. Watch y o u r chapter on Breathing and rhythm to your o w n .Now hold your partner's head. in the way you touch your partner and while you are with your partner. The receptive or passive partner just breathes normally. begin to breathe with her. . If you review the Movement you'll understand what you should be seeing now . where you feel tight as you're breathing. partner's chest and belly move.) As you hold. (If you can continually keep in mind t h e word holding and experience the care that this word implies. . you will certainly promote the proper atmosphere for doing these exercises. as you match your partner's breath you'll find that you can feel in your own b o d y where she is holding on. while you begin to make your breath move with her breath. Notice any tension in your own body. 121 . her breath as a "wave.

Developing a breathing pattern. are constricted in many people. Your partner will feel the energy from your hand. and the lower chest. put your hand over any tight area you see on your partner's b o d y . so just rest your fingers on these areas 122 . Without touching your partner. Now you are going to help your partner develop a smooth breathing pattern. at the solar plexus. in the clavicle area. Many times this energy will enable her to relax her body. The upper chest.

add a little pressure first on one area. then the other. as your partner exhales. . to encourage her to let the air out completely and use this increased torso space for better breathing.and.

she inhales. about 5 minutes should do. Regulate your pressure to follow her breathing Work in this way until her breathing Stay sensitive to her rhythm. more regular. push down on the chest with the palm of your hand. increasing your pressure as the air is expressed out and decreasing it as movement. seems deeper.Now as your partner takes a breath. 124 .

You'll find that as you do this your partner may begin to " h o l d " 125 . go along with that sequence. brings her chest up first and then her belly up. As 1 explained in your first exercises. as her chest and belly go down together. The important thing is that both parts. participate in a complete breath. chest and belly. The "passive" partner. if your partner breathes belly first and chest second. some people are "belly" breathers and will go belly first. However. What you're trying to do now is make your partner aware that she should be breathing with her chest first and then with her belly.Now put one hand over your partner's belly and one hand over her chest and again bring your awareness to the belly-chest area. push down and help expel the air out. Do not touch her at first. as she inhales. then both down. to touch your hands. Now. with both of them going down together on the exhalation.

126 . it will force the upper chest to participate in the breathing. if you take both hands and put t h e m just above the chest (just below the clavicle) and add pressure just at the final tip of the exhalation.in t h e chest by tightening some chest muscles.

this will help your partner a great deal to "let g o . your partner should be breathing deeper.The pectoralis muscles of the chest sometimes become quite tense. so if you can massage the muscles of the chest just above the breast area. in the upper chest where the musculature is. 127 . " As you work on tight areas in his chest. and his b o d y should be more relaxed.

you might have to add quite a bit of pressure to be effective.if you're working with a man. but you are going to assist him to begin to use his chest better in his breathing pattern. and then lean forward. So. takes a breath in. putting your b o d y pressure o n t o his chest to help force that breath 128 . take your pressure off the chest. as he out. Don't worry. you're not going to break any ribs. remember these are very heavy muscles and if you're smaller than he is.

Pressure and massage in these areas greatly reduces the amount 129 .Your partner now may begin to feel a tingling in the face and some tingling in the hands. Many times tension is held in the neck. in the muscles running up the back and along the side of the head. as in the exercises when working alone.

to massage the back of the neck. lifting up with your strokes. Come up the back of the neck to the back of the head and the muscle at the attachment of the scalp. not just your fingers. 130 . Use your hands. where a great deal of tension is held.of tension.

By the time you get here. one Once If so. go back. and your partner's hand on your partner's chest. go again to the neck and continue to loosen it up. start the breathing pattern again by placing your the breathing pattern has been re-established. using light pressure and circular motions to massage the area. 131 . you may find that your partner has stopped breathing. and work through each exercise back up to this tolerance for being touched has increased.

Begin by putting your thumbs together in the middle of the forehead. bringing your thumbs alongside the brow and down across the eyebrows. the rest of your hands resting on the temples.Now we move the massage to the face. 132 . Stroke the brow.

133 .Do this a number of times.

is used when you bite d o w n .When you get to the sides of the head. 134 . This muscle. use the heel of your hand to massage along the temple and the side of the head area. the temporalis. and a great deal of holding takes place in this area.

Go below the eyes and start at the sides of the nose . and massage along the sides of the jaw. beginning at the center. Now bring your thumbs across the upper lip. 135 . again the stroke is carried around the sides of the face.Always carry the strokes on around to the sides of the head. . .

" and a great many feelings 136 . going around the chin to the muscles of the jawbone. Then do the lower jaw t h e same way.Massage the muscle in the jaw in little circular motions. This facial massage helps to break down the "mask of holding.

encourage that emotion by holding his face with both hands. including feelings of relaxation and comfort. As these feelings come up your again your partner's breathing will tend to catch and stop. 137 .come up. so go back to beginning breath work again. If your partner feels like crying. paying attention to the upper chest in particular.

a light pressure is that you are using in she's almost a tickling feeling as opposed to being relaxing. or less. So it's important at this time that the "passive" or receptive person point out where it is that she wants more. 138 .It where pressure is important at this point that the "passive" partner communicate feeling her tension. For some. And t o o firm a touch on the face may be uncomfortable. and her feelings regarding the amount of your massage.

Have her shake her legs if she feels like it. . are there any vibrations or if there is. it means that the muscles are letting go. not with your back. Differences in size really don't cause a great deal of 139 . Begin by standing back to back and interlocking your arms. Now lean over with slightly bent knees and lift. T h e tingling flow. breathing? twitching? What What area does she feel is still tense in her chest. and the more area of the body they cover. . Back to back bend. supporting your but with your legs. if you are the "active" partner. get in a position so that your partner's b u t t o c k s are on a level with your lower back. the better her energy exercise is also good to use here.pressure. and in her parts of her body are tingling. This is an exercise for developing trust as well as a good way of opening the chest and body so that it is moving and breathing more freely. The Knee Drop sensations are important. partner's weight with your legs .

and 115 lbs.) As your partner takes a breath. Do this at least ten times. the arms should be raised. and you'll 140 . for the lifter. (The weights of our models were about 200 lbs. bring his arms down. With his exhalation. on t o p .problem as long as the "passive" partner's weight is placed over the "active" partner's legs.

his head resting on yours. His legs should be dangling or hanging.Begin to see how much it stimulates your partner's chest. Encourage him to just 141 . and completely let go.

knees u p . It is not absolutely necessary to do this one. When you've gotten this far with the exercises." tingling should be well started. if your height or weight differences are too great have your partner do Over the Barrel instead. Go around and place your knees so that they 142 . but it is a marvelous exercise to do for building up trust as well as opening up the "passive" partner's b o d y . Her breathing should be "going. The "passive" partner should be lying again on her back. and your breathing is good.I strongly recommend that anyone who has any kind of back problems at all not try this exercise. you are ready to begin the pelvic movements.

Now say " h e l l o " by 143 . It is extremely important to make this contact .your knee cap against her buttocks.support or fit in under your partner's buttocks.

Make eye contact and pay attention to your own feelings now. Check your partner's breathing. . Rest here and allow both your breathing patterns to settle at this point.holding her hands or her feet. you may find that you'll have to go back and help your partner start her breathing sequence again. or b o t h .

as she did in the exercises for working alone. Starting the breathing again. just place your arm between his legs . Place your hand on your partner's chest this time you're in a different position . and get his breathing started again.. From here on. If at this point your partner has 145 . . . she must imagine her breath is drawn in and expelled out through her genitals as she moves..Now it is time for the "passive" participant to mentally shift the "origin" of her breath down to her genital area.

Remember. there is no hurry. If your partner has difficulty sometimes it's useful to just bring your hand up to the chest and have your partner pant with her chest.any difficulty getting his breathing under control because of the new and possibly strange positioning. Usually the breathing will just start again. it is best to just sit and comfortably wait again one or two minutes. This is 146 .

See page 75 if you don't remember how. then one long exhalation. The sequence is the same as in working alone. 147 . pant six short pants.one of the best ways to rapidly increase energy flow.

putting your thumb: on the crest of the iliac and the forefingers around the sides. movement has to originate from within.When the breathing pattern has again been established and is smoothly moving. begin pelvic rocking. All you dc here is just rest your hands on your partner's pelvis . Keep in mind that no one can bring energy in tc the body from the outside. As your partner. 148 . . .

emphasize the rotation of her pelvis by placing your hands under her buttocks and lifting up with her exhalation. 149 . then back down with the breath in.breathes.

bringing the pelvis up more. the passive partner making a sound as she exhales . Both of you should be breathing in unison at this time. back and forth. areas in her body 150 . Concentrate on it for at least five minutes. . After a while. . Both of you should stop and concentrate on getting her breath going again. It is a matter of relaxing.moving back with the breath in and forward as the breath goes out. As this is done.This movement is slow and very. allowing the breath to open so that the pelvis moves each time a breath is taken . hers probably is t o o . y o u r partner can begin to emphasize and accentuate this movement. If you feel as though your breath is tightening. doing the movement and breathing. very smooth. You'll find that as she does this her breathing pattern may change again.

adding 151 . Go back to any tense area and work there.might begin to become more tense. It is your partner's responsibility to let you know where these areas are.

Sometimes nothing needs to be done. . Emphasis to these areas . sometimes nothing should happen. . If you can give some reassurance to your partner in this way. perhaps to the face. These exercises must proceed slowly. it is extremely helpful. abdomen or the back of the neck. if you can just hold your partner's 152 . can begin to loosen them.a little pressure and massage.

all of the breathing you have been doing. all of the movement. Being with another person is extremely important. often this is enough to enable the person to feel his tension and let go. 153 .hand and let him know that you're there. you may accomplish as much as all of the manipulation.

. the possibility of getting on top of your partner. you may be tempted to lean over to say something or just be closer . Rocking breathing and pelvis with legs. keeping her down. this may give your partner a feeling of being smothered or pinned down or being pushed in some way. . Avoid. in any case. Sometimes at this point your partner's pelvic movements begin to get so tense and tight it becomes 154 .Don't climb over your partner! In your eagerness to be with your partner.

A way to loosen it is to take y o u r partner's legs and with a little push and pull motion. then stop and push on her heels as 155 . rock your partner's whole body back and forth. Do this about six times.difficult for her pelvis to move.

rest his feet Drop on your thighs and rock yourself back and forth t o o ! This puts your from Working Alone are sometimes useful at this point.she exhales so that she begins to feel the "grounding" sequence. 156 . See whole body right into it and lessens your effort. See page 80 if you've forgotten what grounding is. if your partner's legs are t o o heavy for you to hold this long. The Knee Circle and Knee exercises page 87.

Rest while she does pelvic rocking and partner's unison her and remind her to keep thinking of 157 . Breathe in to the ground. knees with Return again to the pelvic rock.Moving the energy your hands on your breathing.

Pelvic lift. Now as your partner exhales. Your partner imagines 158 . directing it toward her feet for 2 or 3 minutes so that she increases her consciousness of her feet touching the floor. put pressure on her legs. but now at the end of the exhalation. Your partner continues to breathe and to move.breathing in and out through the genitals. the pelvic lift is done.

he should stay there for awhile . his pelvis may vibrate or bounce. As your partner reaches the heightened position.blowing the air out the genitals as he exhales and raises his hips up as high as possible at the same time. page 75. It is merely a natural reflex action. While holding the " u p " position. The difference is that you are now reinforcing your partner's grounding by stroking up his thighs and pushing down on his knees as he lifts his pelvis and exhales. Allow this to happen. This is the same exercise that you did in Working Alone. . until he feels like coming back down. . he slowly cocks his pelvis 159 . As he inhales.

back. only this time you hold your partner's pelvis so that you can feel the movement as she comes 160 . On all fours. All this time. such as Squatting. or Up Against the Wall. then exhales and lifts back up again. Some of the exercises from Working Alone can be done at this point to reinforce the grounding concept. you can encourage the feeling of grounding by pushing down on his legs. coming back down to a beginning position. Bioenergetic Bends. you can do this exercise the same way as in Working Alone. Once you have established the grounding sequence. Do this 6-8 times.

.forward. Do this about 8-10 times. making sure the pelvis is rotating properly with the breathing.

as in love-making. will naturally incorporate the basic breath and movement patterns into your life. and yet always taking the responsibility for your own excitement. your body will do the rest. Trust your body. The sequence you have just been through has been a way for you to experience and increase your excitement in the presence of another person. do not even think about the exercises except when you're doing them. Do them with your full attention. then go away from them. giving your attention to your regular life activities. sensing another. Now verbally share the experiences and feelings that you have had during the exercises. Just completely let go. and get completely relaxed. sharing yourself. being with another. 162 . Therefore.Following this. your body As you work through these exercises again and again. The major emphasis in these exercises. have your partner lie on her back. responding. legs down. do not worry about whether you've got the sequence right. has been to focus on your relationship.

" hypochondriacal and hysterical symptons. Since you may not know why masturbation has been so condemned in our culture. Tissot's work views masturbation as catastrophically harmful to a person. producing intellectual "weak eyes. This bumper sticker is the major thought I wish to convey. pimples. is as antiquated as the source of the concepts from which it came. and constipation. genital epilepsy. since Tissot. Paris. Back "L'Onanisme: Sicknesses reproduced in in 1758 By a Frenchman sur les named Tissot a wrote a book called. let me tell you some of the story. or detrimental in any way. harmful. professor of medicine and a member of the Royal Society of London. Samuel Auguste Andre-David Tissot. In fact. The idea that masturbation is bad. His opinion exerted a significant influence on the sexual attitudes of his contemporaries. Within few years this work was of the major languages. and weakness a full of range the of faculties. and more editions were published in that century. Dissertation Produced all Maladies European Produites par la Masturbation (The than thirty Masturbation). I hope. Participate and E n j o y " . N.Masturbation "Masturbate. and still affects us today. Milan and Stockholm. . was a knowledgeable writer on almost every aspect of medicine. sexual disorders. almost every ill 163 ..

their "vital seed" could not be lost. the theory was that nervous system is composed of a set of very fine tubes through which circulate the "soma h o r m o n t a . or masturbation "it prevents. of the ovum which proved that females did not have semen and. is a satisfying means of allaying physiological 164 . Even there remains subtle schizoid behavior" though contemporary approval of masturbation is overwhelming. even after the discovery in 1827. Briefly. Also. " or "corpse excitant." The idea was that the loss of semen was a loss of this soul substance. and of the vital that an exchange through the pores and an "soma hormonta. . with no inhalation exchange for replenishment of the "seed. appears forcefully in Hippocrates." More subtle yet: "Moderate addiction is present in auto-eroticism because the phenomenon of ejaculation is accompanied auto-eroticism. analogous to epilepsy. not real such normal a curious and put-downs. resulting in excessive excitation. based it this attitude quite was very universal the primitive cultures. by Galue. Tissot's principle argument against masturbation was that the "vital s e e d " is lost in ejaculation. it was felt that in masturbation the seed loss was not replenished. as in "masturbation away from childhood and fantasies lead one to introverted. Tissot believed that there was an invisible current flowing between two people during intercourse.. by either sex. to say nothing of the mind or society. has at one time or another been blamed on masturbation.of t h e b o d y . which circulates within the body to maintain life. the whereas masturbation is solitary. "Seed loss" in masturbation was harmful because the motions of masturbation were more violent than those of coitus." intromission breath restored the vigor. is withdrawal. vaginal orgasms" or "an element of by a sense of sexual pleasure. whom Tissot quoted and relied upon." It is interesting to note that masturbation was as forcefully condemned for females as it was for males. in women. which is physiologically harmful The physiological in model upon which In Tissot fact. life and love" it is or "although mature adolescence. therefore. remnant of the ancient attitude in many b o o k s .

Perhaps no other natural." (!) Ironically. surgical actions healthy removal which is human activity masturbation is the next most frequent such both tremendous and horrible physical and mental . is done alone. make for the many people Inquisition like kindergarten. normal. Contrary to Tissot. The Kinsey reports noted a high frequency of masturbation throughout adult life among people who enjoy other forms of sexual activity as well. There is but one difference. and that it goes on from infancy into very old age. but for many people masturbation does create a problem. The opposite sex partner is actually present in cohabitual relations whereas in auto-eroticism. and there was no inhalation exchange. look one of the condemnations. punishments and tortures down through history. After heterosexual intercourse. runs parallel with. and there is no sense in refusing to recognize this fact. and brings peace of mind. For many people. silently. form of sexual activity in the general population. or even increased work efficiency. quickly. Kinsey pointed out that many adults who are not immature in any realistic sense do masturbate." It is not true that you have to have a partner to replenish your energy supply. this is the problem. . Even masturbation most guilt-producing activities experienced in their lifetime. Most masturbation.tension. Almost all current sex manuals and literature offer some reference or support to relieve these guilt feelings. today. In this sense. and succeeds hetero-sexual activity in human life. and yet there persists among most people 165 . auto-eroticism is definitely an unnatural act. ranging from of the clitoris. it does not exist. has received to restraints. not the loss of vital seed. I feel Tissot was approaching the right track when he said that masturbation was "solitary. it is the only form of sexual outlet. . Breathing is inhibited by "holding o n " and hurrying. many times because of the fear of discovery. There are reliable statistics to show that masturbatory activity precedes. It is as ffective as moderate sexual relations in marriage. particularly in adolescents.

. . (I have never seen more " s t o r e d " rage expressed than in 166 . The most explicit example of rage in the passive partner can be found in cases of rape. or enraged. usually the upset. 1 would like to propose a new explanation for masturbatory guilt feelings. . and feels as if she is being used as an you really loved me y o u ' d know what I want and satisfy me . Since most of the time people masturbate with their bodies completely passive and their genitals stimulated by their hands. the other is the passive recipient of the action. However.the need to feel states on guilty that the in over masturbation. the passive resister. I should be punished. or medical attitudes that have been around for years. In a sense this is similar to many kinds of human relationships. distinct adolescence of patients later life.that is.. if you don't love me you hate me . their action (psychologically) makes a split within them . if you hate me I've done something wrong.body passive. hands doing . fears and guilt about the feelings are frequently still connected with masturbation. .body done u n t o . blames her dissatisfaction on person. religious. hands active . . . sexual relationships in particular may fall into this category. One person is the active partner. one transfers his anger or blame from his partner back to himself. recipient becomes other passivity allows himself or this game is played. since 1 am not satisfied you don't love me . angry. Most people are aware of their "guilt" feelings toward masturbation feelings which may well have come from repressive social. therefore I'm guilty . . who through herself to passive object. and there is even a resistance part toward enlightenment harmless nature of masturbation." In this way. the In relationships where dissatisfied. and in Otto Fenichel. a noted psychoanalyst. The passive partner's anger usually takes the form of guilt slinging: "if be used. or in many cases.

But. and since yourself. . but even when other sexual release is available. she is more likely to have satisfying and more frequent orgasms with a sexual partner. Although it is well established that there are many cases of rape in which the victim is forced to a considerable number in which the victim is a passive participant. if you are through with the eighteenth century and not too interested in self-flagellation. you are being raped by your hands during many forms of masturbation. there are twenty-two paragraphs dealing with various aspects of sexual behavior . in both the act and the provocation. complete orgastic relationship. . Down through history. the advantages of masturbation are obvious." if one is punished. In the five medieval twenty-five Penitential Codes. Anger you are the rapist. one must be guilty. your attitude toward masturbation is the most popular way to do it. guilt about masturbation has been supported by the church. your anger is then put on turned inward on oneself is expressed as depression or the feeling that "I am being punished. masturbation can mean the difference between mediocre or unsatisfactory sexual relations and a full. generally. in a sense. sessions there are dealing with experiences of rape). regardless of age 167 .therapy comply. Kinsey's statistics indicate that. The fact is that if a woman can learn to relax enough to have an orgasm by masturbating. women who masturbate regularly during adolescence and adulthood seem to have better socio-sexual adjustments. as well as others for the clergy! If you want to feel guilty about sex. When no other sexual outlet is available. it is worthwhile taking a look at the more positive aspects of masturbation.such as sodomy and bestiality .and there were paragraphs dealing with masturbation for laymen . Well.

For men who participate in it wholly. This allows movement of the hips but unfortunately sets up a pattern of squeezing to activate an orgasm. Once she's learned the means of reaching an congestion and muscular tension in the pelvis. This builds and hinders their ability to tolerate excitement with a excess sexual excitement many times leads to premature ejaculation and unsatisfactory speed in the sexual relationship. a woman is the surest. Many women can achieve an orgasm by crossing their legs or placing a pillow or other object between their legs and squeezing to afford pleasure. Another virtue in masturbation is that it can be a way of coping with the disparate rhythms of partners. it prevents the openness and receptiveness which leads to heightened orgasm. Squeezing possibility for complete release in orgasm as well as the further retards the buildup necessary to achieve another orgasm. most has a quick frequent way in which orgasm the female to relieve reaches orgasm. or multiple orgasms. Most of us have very vivid fantasy worlds. Practice exercising yours. 1 advocate full use of your fantasies for the highest enjoyment in notice when you stop masturbation. Thus. she can better communicate her needs to her partner. masturbation can relieve sexual tension which partner. If you need to 168 . Allow yourself to go with any of the fantasies that you enjoy. or shift her own body and movement to achieve more pleasure. Besides this. where one does not wish to have as much sex as the other. It requires no adjustments to a partner. masturbation is a good way for a woman to become more aware of which parts of her body give her the most pleasure. I feel it is possible to use this knowledge to your advantage by learning to pay attention to your experience of masturbating: your breathing and when you hold on.or marital status. or the most effective means towards the next orgastic cycle. Masturbation technique. and what kind of manipulation in the genital area gives the quickest arousal.

Learn which areas pleasure you. Get yourself in the m o o d with "whatever turns you o n . the space between your anus and genitals. Look at and feel your entire body. It may be very useful to have a mirror to look at yourself. Many people have never taken the time or had the courage to really see what their genitals. and the perineum. or coconut. that your body is supported. Become aware of what lubrications feel good on your body .have more stimulation for your fantasy world. Do your movement exercises to the point where you are moving freely. if it stops. Another suggestion to get a new perspective on your body is to take a shower in total darkness . Learn about your body. there is a great deal of literature that is available to turn you on. feel your body and pay attention now when the lights go on. . start again! Remember that essentially your skin is a sexually-based sense organ. almond. you may discover something new and exciting. Be sure that your legs are up so that your extensor muscles can move. don't go directly to your genitals. Don't stimulate your genitals yet (this includes your breasts. The point that I want to emphasize is that a an exciting fantasy is no crime. then bring your awareness to your genitals. " Begin by exploring your whole body. and that you can move your pelvis. Now begin your breathing pattern until your energy flow. but be careful of any 169 . and therefore your whole body is basically an erogenous zone. . Now slowly begin to stimulate and explore your whole body with your hands. tingling. or even vaseline are good. Explore these areas. your anus. both men and women) until you really have your whole body feeling the rush of energy that comes with good breathing and movement. and vibrations are well established. Try some of the body lotions or hand lotions. Pick a place where you won't be disturbed. much less their whole body. looks like. Then add the proper pelvic movement.natural oils such as olive. You will be aware of much more than you were before. For this reason. give yourself some stroking pleasure other than on your genitals. Pay attention to your breathing.

for they can be an irritant to delicate mucus tissue. . you'll like it . you now know what pleases you. participating. you are in an active. People recommendation have to many promote fears associated with masturbation. advantages which will allow you to enjoy your life more. .) Pleasure yourself now .lubricants that contain alcohol. caring relationship with the most important person in your life. slowly and with plenty of lubricant (women can use their own vaginal lubricant at this point. After all. what feels good to it." In it they recommend the use of an electric vibrator as part of their program of masturbation. but not as a steady diet. Next. teach someone else. move to your genitals. Give yourself permission to experience what feels good to you. " Tolerating enjoyment is the whole message in this book. The notion that it is not as good as sex with a partner is irrelevent. Pleasure is not rationed. Begin to listen to your body and hear what it wants. . so masturbation offers an opportunity for you to practice that enjoyment without shutting it off by psychologically putting guilt and other pressure on yourself. try it. . I don't. . I feel that a vibrator can create t o o much excitation from outside. What I am suggesting is that you can get some added advantages with a practice that you probably use anyway. T h a t ' s you! Trust yourself. . They have published it in response to the countless women who say to their doctors or counselors. It is all right once or twice . "I'm afraid I might enjoy it too much. The most prevalent is. from an external source. It will hinder you from building your own sexual energy from the inside. and that by using it you don't allow enough inner excitement to be generated. "I just don't feel anything. Masturbation can be a source of insight for both you and your partner. get stuck t h e r e . The National Sex and Drug F o r u m has a fine pamphlet on Masturbation Techniques for Women. I am not advocating complete substitution of masturbation for intercourse with a partner. adjunct to My your masturbation as an enjoyable sexual life may bring some of yours forward. A couple that 170 .

can learn to masturbate each other effectively with just the right timing for pleasure can accomplish a more creative and satisfying sexual union. Afterward it is useful for stimulation for another cycle or orgasm for her and possibly for further arousal for him. Always ask her first. In intercourse it can be a means of stiffening the man and bringing the woman to a preliminary peak before penetration. That will show him or her your favorite strokes and positions. so never assume that because you know what sent her in orbit last time it will be the same this time. It is with this attitude of discovery and sharing that masturbation can make a major contribution to your relationship. The best method of teaching is to demonstrate for your partner. A woman's pleasurable areas change quite often. 171 .

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As he did this he was instructed in detail how to walk: " N o w lift 173 . Now that you have presumably done the exercises both alone and with a partner and have mastered the arts of breathing to build energy. and taking responsibility for your own pleasure. your bod y will remember very if you've practiced your exercises enough. If you concentrate on any movement. grounding to focus your energy. You are ready to " f or g e t " everything you've learned in this book! At this point it is important to decongest your well head of the details you've learned. with of moving or in coordination sounds with as your you breathing. you are ready to graduate to the sack to see how it works for you with your chosen sexual partner. and of of communicating verbal non-verbal breathe. I can recall a dramatic group therapy session in which a man was asking for instruction in every aspect of his life. The way your golf swing goes to pieces after a lesson is a typical example of what I mean. Thinking can only interfere with your sexual experience. you will eventually be unable to do it at all.Joining Together In most of the other chapters in this book I have talked a lot about satisfying yourself. getting your own sexual energy flowing. he felt he needed guidance in order to be absolutely correct. The therapist asked him to stand up and simply walk in a circle.

your foot. Don't let this happen to your love-making. so it follows that the deeper your relationship the more intense your sexual experience will be. there are many reasons for having sexual contact besides just the sexual drive. And some just have nothing else to do while the TV set is out being repaired (or even while it's o n ) . giving and allowing from your feelings deep inside . Many people seek ego satisfaction from the sexual experience and feel satisfied when they have satisfied their partner. talking about the optimum total orgasm in this book. to do it the best way possible. than actual intercourse. the main thing that comes to my mind is not the mechanics of intercourse. unable to move. an expression of your total relationship. but the feeling that is involved in the sexual experience. This is what can happen to any natural function if you concentrate on it in t o o much detail. or teaching some techniques for stimulating excitement. When I think about joining together. no! n o ! Put your heel first. for it implies that as you join together with your partner each of you is expressing care. the ideal sexual union presupposes the deepest mutual joining of love and care. " etc. Some people just wish to lie close to someone and be held. or even more so. Of course. To me "love-making" is really an appropriate term in this c o n t e x t . then the t o e . Your body is participating in a natural event and it will automatically choose the easiest. I think t h e feeling and psychological aspects are as important. he became absolutely paralyzed. But to me. I am. but I feel that when it does the energy flow and excitement level will be significantly higher and more rewarding. simplest. and the union much more fulfilling. after all. He could not walk at all. As he tried to comply. and love and deep contact are important. I am well aware that sex doesn't have to take this form to be fun. The quality of a sexual relationship is after all. ingredients. 174 . and most natural thing once it has experienced both your old pattern and your new exercises.a very beautiful experience. though not indispensible. and are willing to have sex to get this benefit.

What happens in the future no one knows.. . the complete joining. It has become confluent. if they disagree. or in one that has to go on year after year. It is that loss of ego which I talked about in the chapter on Orgasm. Then they other. there is no discrimination. . " Anger and hostility are other ways of getting the other person to return to the pattern of o n e n e s s . no differences. flight into isolation . This is the ultimate confluence. Many marriages are like this. I suggest (charge built upon your differences) to build 175 . . inside of your borders. then. nor can they agree to disagree. Sexually speaking. . at this time. Right now. Confluence at the high point of sexual union is wholly desirable. they respect their own as well as the other person's way of being and welcome the animation and excitement you use that comes with contact excitement disagreement. They must restore the disturbed confluence by any means. not confluence. . no otherness. manipulated or enjoyed. . What I'm talking about is a quality of deepest meaning in the here and now . the confluence. using any means to make the other person "give u p . then it fades and becomes part of the air in the room . in your physical union. When two people are in contact. the partners see themselves as one and can stand little or no difference of opinion between them. . . . there is no sense of boundary between you and no sense of a separate person who must be noticed or approved. it becomes confluent with the room. usually it's by repression. into a separateness that is a sulking withdrawal. as it goes into the room at first it seems to be a distinct figure or shape. they have difficulty coming to a point of agreement by discussion. of you . you are no longer aware of it (as long as it agrees with y o u ) . A problem do not make personal contact with each arises when people try to extend this confluence and live permanently in a confluent relationship. It is very much like the smoke coming from a cigarette . Now it becomes energy for your organism. Another example of confluence: part once you swallow your food it is no longer there.By this I do not necessarily mean joining together in a permanent relationship.

If you will remember. . Reich's curve (see page 30) shows foreplay. The sensualists really enjoy the first part of the curve . . . Each failure is seen as a lack of sufficient stimulation. a joining with the other (not only physically but also in the deeper centers of each of y o u ) . less interested in the end pleasure of his discharge (orgasm) than in the exploitation of the tension-creating steps of the orgastic cycle. an end such in as the The important sensualist sensualist part would is of the sexual process. But it is possible to enjoy one aspect of this curve more than another. I would like to to understand the rhythm the differences between of the sexual sensuality and discuss sexuality in relation to joining together . . . Then seek confluence. The sensualist keeps trying to bring his excitation to a high pitch and to retain it at that state so that he is taken out of himself. Conversely. All of this is part of the cycle that takes place in the sexual experience. He is left unfinished and continually dissatisfied. then a gradual rising to a plateau. only to try again. He keeps looking for bigger and better ways to stimulate himself to an ecstasy that forever escapes him. there are some people. Because it is so important experience. or the building of the charge . followed by a discharge. more than their plateau or their discharge. the extremes of sensuality in the sensualist and the extremes of sexuality in the sexualist. but sensuality My exercises can become certainly are aimed at building excitation and at allowing one to create more itself. seek. each phase is enjoyable in its own way. . 176 .tension until it is at its ultimate peak. who care little about the foreplay or building the charge. and are only interested in their discharge or orgasm. Sensuality is an tension. the sexualists. Both types. which can become possible for that short time. in the chapter on Orgasm. the sensualist and the sexualist. the foreplay. frequently end up dissatisfied.

and then discuss them as some kind of pathological entity. and the heart of a person. In his or her race to orgasm. involving intricate mating rituals in some. The sensualist is limited in that he deals only with the surface . the mind. T h e sexualist misses true satisfaction because he also avoids deep contact. partners also. . . has his problems also. . it is important to pay attention to your sexual partner's r h y t h m . . The buildup of a relationship of caring and deep contact that can lead to heightened orgasms and more total resolution is missed by I do not mean to label people or to catalogue them. I have mentioned these possibilities in order to emphasize the importance of the relational character of intercourse and the enjoyment of all of its phases. of course. or immediate coupling in others. the nerves. 177 . . but he doesn't build the tension necessary to really have a satisfactory discharge in the orgastic reflex. sexuality curve. only with what can be stimulated from the outside. Look at nature: copulation takes place in many different ways depending on the species of the animal . taking from a matter of seconds with gazelles or rabbits up to days with some kinds of bears .The sexualist. in turn. Saying he. but is rarely satisfied. Frank discussion is the only way you can possibly begin to merge your r h y t h m s together. who has time? The the novelty of a new partner is primarily a sensuous phenomenon. He disregards the inner feelings in the body that are the true source of complete satisfaction. He wishes only for his orgasm. Therefore. Deep satisfaction in sexual involvement involves the guts. . I mean he or she. So also in our own species everyone is different. These are touched only by allowing yourself to be with another person in the deepest sense and make clear contact. Some people require and want more time for foreplay than others. Keep in mind that each of us is different. a complete letting go and a joining with his partner. but sexualist in his constant dissatisfaction will seek new both. Become conscious of where your partner fits into the sensuality vs. he spends most of his life hopping from bed to bed.

when he has passed the "point of no r e t u r n " . when he has entered the orgastic reflex portion of the sexual cycle. The problem with the male does not lie in being able to tell when he is aroused. has published an excellent little book called. until his erection is somewhat 178 . developed a technique called the "squeeze technique" that is designed to train the male to gain more control over his point of no return.it is valuable to know some of the common signs of sexual arousal in both sexes. For a man. her other fingers below the ridge. Briefly. in their work on human sexual inadequacy. she squeezes for eight to fifteen seconds. that is. " and she squeezes his penis by placing her thumb just below the head on the side facing her. . t h e technique consists of the woman sitting between the man's legs and stimulating the man either orally or manually to the point of ejaculation. Only the man himself can tell when that point has been reached Masters and Johnson. at Glide Memorial Church. 330 Ellis Street in San Francisco. "You Can Last Longer" which teaches this technique. but when he is overly aroused. . her index finger just above the ridge of the head on the side away from her. The National Sex and Drug F o r u m . it is quite obvious if he has an erection that something is going on. The male tells her that he has arrived at the "point of no r e t u r n .

This is done three times for three sessions. the chances of centering your sexual excitement in the penis to the point of inevitable ejaculation. The couple can return to these exercises any time the man needs to reinforce his control over the point of no return. t h e male has learned to recognize his point of no return. By this time. The be in her breasts. the signs of sexual arousal are not quite so outstanding. stuffs his soft penis into her vagina and without moving allows the man to have an erection and to get used to being inside her. but they response are will clear and should be noticed. and complete relaxation of the anus before the return of the pelvis. most noticeable anatomical look for nipple In the excitement phase. This is repeated four or five times for three sessions. this rash-like flush tends to spread. The female. and as she approaches the plateau phase. she withdraws his penis and squeezes it in the same manner as before. The next step is actual vaginal contact. a kind of a measle-like rash or vascular flush appears. Then. at first just on the lower breast surfaces. For a woman. now sitting astride the man. you spread your excitement throughout your body. erection. is greatly lessened.diminished. While severe difficulties with premature ejaculation are beyond the scope of this book. before complete excitement and tension in your whole body are built. Sometimes this is hard to see. As orgasm approaches. Slow deep breathing and relaxed movements. With the excitement spread through the b o d y . During excitement. and then returns to normal the aureola (the colored area around the after her resolution. the use of the breathing techniques I have presented here are helpful in many less severe cases. not allowing it to remain strictly in the genitals. Premature ejaculation is the result of t o o much excitement in the genitals. when his point of no return comes. 179 . is important for the prevention of premature ejaculation. particularly as the pelvis is thrust forward. When you breathe deeply. depending on the woman's skin character.

with obvious purpose of lubrication for penetration. the labia tends to spread sideways as she approaches her plateau phase. . The sensuality of the sexual encounter can be greatly enhanced if your skin. of excitement breathing and movement pattern. is utilized to its fullest during foreplay. It is good to continue this touching are natural phenomena. light stroking motions are good along the limbs and on the back. is extremely important to have in mind in order that smooth. Deep kissing as well as oral-genital stimulation are superb means when a of increasing high level one's sexual excitement. is especially exciting and pleasurable for both 180 . I recommend skin stimulation rather than direct genital stimulation in the beginning of foreplay. the loving touch should not be forgotten. which is an organ of perception as much as any other sensing organ. . has been This reached oral-genital by your stimulation. The bluish veins and markings on her breasts may become more noticeable also. Stroking and people focus entirely on their genitals. yet during intercourse many stimulation even after penetration. Stroking can be combined with the breathing you learned in the exercises .nipples) becomes puffy and engorged. making her vaginal outlet more accessible for intercourse. and the breast itself increases from one-fifth to one-fourth over its normal proportions. partners. although elementary. rhythmical sexual joining can take place. This information. As for genital anatomical responses in women. Perhaps one of the most important aspects of female excitement vaginal is the secretion the of moisture into the vagina from glands in the lining. Further detailed information can be found in most sex manuals. Another exciting means of bringing pleasure to your partner that should not be missed is oral stimulation.

feeling the flow of your energy move from a solid base: moving body your feet and utilizing that contact with the earth or " g r o u n d " (something solid) to make the energy bounce up again through your body. Those positions which enable both partners to place their feet .One your energy principle down that your I continually to stress in the exercises is grounding that is. simulating the orgastic reflex. it is important to activate the extensor muscles of your legs. and your body positions should allow you both to ground. it is important that those positions which inhibit breathing or prevent either partner's movement should be avoided in the final stages of orgasm. Also. In general. pulling the pelvis up and forward. This grounding principle should be followed in sexual joining.

occasion. One of the problems of making love on a grounding becomes very difficult. a wall. etc. A rocking chair without arms is worth trying t o o . Another problem with the water bed is that your rhythmical movements are difficult to synchronize. water beds can be a delightful foundation. Sexually speaking.against something and push (the end of the bed. due to the outside rhythms of the bed. The waterbed is current that fad promoting water beds as the answer to sexual excitement is a misleading one. Sitting in a chair face to face also can p r o m o t e your grounding.) are better. but as a steady diet they can't compare to a solid 182 . and your movement is inhibited for lack of anything solid to push against.

These assumptions occur in a split second. withdraws. Instead of communicating. although read each other's body if both partners are paying to signals. It is not necessary verbalize. you may assume your partner knows what it is y o u want. The other person senses this and the occasion ends up as yet another disappointment for b o t h . Not all of us move at the same r h y t h m . . not like y o u ' r e directing traffic at a busy intersection). Words can have the effect of getting you hung up in your head. seeking a mutual r h y t h m as in a dance. Each can stay with his own rhythm if they can get synchronized together. This is not even necessary. and so on. and t h a t of your partner. Or you may n o t be sure what you want yourself. enjoy each phase of pleasure to its fullest and then move on to the next. T h e major thing is that t h e movements begin slowly and stay slow until the orgastic reflex begins. if you really loved me. rhythmical movements can be greatly facilitated by the use of outside lubrication even if there is plenty of secretion by the female. but it is possible for one partner to be moving two times to the other person's one movement if their timing is smooth and synchronous. There is no hurry. . . unless that's an occasional. It's easy to confuse " w a n t i n g " with communication. D o n ' t wait passively to be pleased. you would satisfy m e " . even becomes angry and reproachful when not satisfied. This problem can become even more complicated if the feeling of constant confluence is present between you. No attention one you can can read your mind. you would k n o w what 1 want and give it to me. Many 183 . It is y o u r absolute responsibility to stay own partner (gently. loses excitement. These slow. The " u n s p o k e n a s s u m p t i o n " goes something like this: " I f we are one (confluent) and you really love me. and your head is what you're trying to lose just now. This doesn't mean one person can be thrusting vigorously while the other one lies there like a day-old corpse . and immediately one retreats. non-verbal sounds can do t h e j o b very nicely. . mutually agreeable game between y o u .Remember conscious of your to pay attention to the r h y t h m and flow of your sexual rhythm and to communicate your desires to your excitement.

When this does happen it is an added pleasure. as long as your breathing is synchronized so that as your pelvis comes forward. When this occurs. your breath goes out. This can lead to resentment. the partner who has not arrived yet may shut down his or her excitement. thus placing upon themselves an unnecessary responsibility. because the rise in excitement has to be built again. It more often happens that one or the other partner may have an orgasm first.times extra lubrication. Since each person builds excitement and then discharges it at a different rate. During foreplay. it is not always possible to achieve an orgasm simultaneously. This motion can be stimulating to both the woman and the man. then you will be doing those things that most promote the dance of love. It is probably preferable to take turns during this circular movement. duplicating the motion of the final moments of the orgastic reflex. you can derive a great deal of pleasure by using a slow circular motion with your hips. If you join your movements with simultaneous breathing and make a sound together (as in the exercises). but it's not a necessity. like the " b u m p s and grinds" of the burlesque dancer. such as Vaseline Masturbation) will make your (see my c o m m e n t on lubrication in much more comfortable. it becomes even more difficult to achieve an orgasm then. and particularly during the "charge" sequence of intercourse. as it's sometimes difficult to coordinate two circles going at once. The pelvic movements I advocate in the exercises are "back and forth" movements. Some women feel like failures if they don't provide the lubrication for intercourse. A movements compromise between too much and t o o little friction for either party is the secret when using outside lubrication. blame 184 .

the kitchen. it's not accomplished by actual inter-vaginal intercourse. try masturbating (right there. .and anger at the other partner. . to a climax. a "glue" which mutual caring relationship is the will make your sexual union underlying. I have discussed the process of joining together in terms of a heterosexual relationship. In the shower. or on the stairs. a brief and exciting. It is not always necessary or possible to take the time for extended sexual buildup and discharge. at lunch time or before breakfast are a few of the favorite times and places for this adventure. Sometimes this voyeuristic quality will arouse the finished partner to another height of excitement or erection. the car. . and intercourse can be resumed. the last but certainly not the least important. Up to this point. If you are not satisfied. if each partner takes the responsibility for his or her own pleasure. . satisfying. There is a different kind of excitement in watching someone masturbate or doing it for him or her. It is all t o o common a circumstance. usually i m p r o m p t u sexual experience. sequence basic of orgasms. I wish to state clearly that heterosexuality is not a prerequisite for a satisfactory sexual relationship. even if An explicit verbal " c o n t r a c t " between the partners to this effect relieves both of a great deal of pressure . not in a dark closet by yourself). But. Here is where your masturbation practice can be put to good use. A great deal of pleasure can be derived from the "quickie" . or teach your partner how to masturbate you. Don't forget the final phase of your love-making. The relational aspects 185 . Regardless of the important. the partner who is unfinished can go on to achieve an orgasm and be satisfied . on him for failing to satisfy her and on her for having to perform and produce an orgasm. These brief encounters can add variety and excitement to your life. . Post-coital holding encourages resolution and makes a much more loving finish for you both than jumping up and running off to the shower.

person's an expression of the means whereby the ultimate possibility . works best for you. . total orgasm . . the contact and involvement that are present and necessary in any deep relationship are also possible. satisfactory. . respect and love. complete. 186 . How you really a matter of use the energy turning your personal another generated preference.of any sexual union . . care. as many people by know. in homosexual relationships. It is your connection with being that your is body the on gift is of life. .

And it is the feeling content of your orgasm that you are working to increase. One way of dealing with this phenomenon is by analyzing the content. "lose your mind" may sound like heresy. Everything has to be explained to us in terms of cause and effect relationships. even in complex phenomena everything must make sense. 187 . emphasizing the how of the mental activity rather than the why or the what. Our power to think is all important. "Lose your mind and come to your senses." This has to happen for many people before they can obtain an intense orgasm. To us in our " w e s t e r n " way of thinking. our culture worships the rational.How to Lose your Mind Some people experience a very curious phenomenon when they begin to pay attention to their bodies: their minds become very active! This mental activity seems to bring to consciousness a flood of content which is irrelevent to the situation. Unfortunately thinking usually interferes with your ability to feel. I would like to discuss this process of the mind and how you can and greater sexual enjoyment. change it to facilitate your awareness of yourself Fritz Perls once said. Another way is by dealing with the process of the mind.

you often reminder thoughts of these situations that w o n ' t let you rest. if you pay attention to your mind. You are paying attention to what's happening in the present . planning or figuring out what's going to happen. dishes that need to be washed. Although I know that this is an oversimplification. to an unfinished situation. to close it completely and say goodbye. the greater the need to finish it. When you withdraw to your fantasy. something that needs to be completed in some way. You are aware of your breathing. .A colleague of mine. you can discover some very interesting things a b o u t it. This takes you away from w h a t ' s happening right now — here and now . the mind comes to the here and the now. it is analagous to hearing the tenant upstairs come in. Steve Schoen. and turning off. The concept of finishing or closing a situation (completing a gestalt) is one of the basic tenets of Gestalt therapy. Close your eyes and just pay attention to where your mind goes. has figured o u t t h a t there are three things the mind does to distract your feelings: he calls t h e m fussing." A very c o m m o n unfinished is neglecting to say goodbye to someone or to thank them for something they did for y o u . You are aware of the sounds outside. situation get little or something that needs to be "fixed. rehearsing. these concepts are useful in looking at the process of the mind. discomfort in your body.and it robs you of your spontaneity as well. 188 . An incomplete gestalt attracts energy like a magnet. holding on. and so on.here and now. an unresolved disagreement with someone (the "1 should of said" phenomenon). Let's try an experiment. What is going on inside your head as you do this? You may find t h a t your attention comes to how you are feeling. That is. In general. the deeper your emotional involvement with a situation. . You become aware of the chair being t o o hard. Or your mind may go to the future . how your body is now. Perhaps your mind traveled to the past.

you may be able to finish the unfinished situation in your fantasy. keep the shuttling process going until you can take time to be alone. " t r e a s u r e d " tragedies or "cherished" resentments. But if you alternately allow yourself to withdraw. 189 .take off his shoes and drop only one. carry it to a completion. If it doesn't. Mentally finish the situation and "tell it goodbye. Suppose you are making love with someone." This technique can be used to deal with these unfinished situations as well. it probably gets worse. close your eyes." So you expend energy trying to be present . even in fantasy. in fantasy. You are caught between " t h e n and t h e r e " and "here and n o w . You Working with will a recall Partner from the the idea exercise of the of the eye-alogue (page 110) in development of " c o n t a c t " and the importance of "withdrawing. (or Sarah) and I shouldn't be thinking of someone else. We are often unwilling to let go of such things as lost loved ones. " Your energy is split." Sometimes professional help from a competent therapist is required before you can complete a more deeply disturbing unfinished situation. "But I'm here with J o e . . fussing about how you can possibly stay in the present. and your unfinished situation may just fade. then shuttle back to the now. allow your mind to go to the situation and. Many unfinished situations cannot be completed in actuality so fantasy is the only method available to you. When you are alone. Only by completing the gestalt — dropping the other shoe — is your energy freed to deal fully with the present. they hardly ever go away. you exhaust yourself. This holding on to the past prevents your full involvement in the present. and your mind starts flashing back to a former lover! Immediately you might say. This shuttling can clarify the present for you. Some of us prefer to stick grimly to what we are doing and avoid dealing with unfinished situations. If you really try to avoid your past situation. . Your attention then gets stuck on waiting for the other shoe to drop. That's in the past. go inside to the past. If you hang onto the now.

speaking. The East has for thousands of years recognized the invasive and distracting qualities of the mind and has developed ways of dealing with them. An example of this is the Australian Aborigine. there are First there different ways to is man under nature. .is the way of enlightenment through controlling the mind. Few people realize though that overextended contact is just as harmful. In fact. if y o u tended to "go a w a y " for long periods of time. We can gain greater perspective and invaluable insights into the processes of the mind by looking briefly at some aspects of Eastern philosophy. . Before I can discuss Eastern philosophy. We are used to such statements as "Man's continued struggle with nature. autistic.Most people realize that overextended withdrawal is harmful. favorably influencing an all-powerful natural force. one form of yoga . withdrawn. If there is a flood. Nature is in control. Learning to establish your own best rhythm of contact and withdrawal is an important part of emotional competence. I have found some of these concepts most useful in dealing with the processes of my own mind. This stage is typified by western man. Anthropologically understand he man's place in the world.Raja Yoga . If something happens in the world." We don't accept the idea of being subject to 190 . As man evolved he reached another stage . maintaining contact for a long period of time i s almost impossible. and the effort of doing so will drain your energy. he moves his life is full of ritual and superstition directed at the hope of village. is subject His to it. it is a m e t h o d of stopping the mind's spontaneous rambling. I want to digress briefly to clarify certain basic cultural differences between the Eastern and the Western view of the world. you would be completely l t OS to fantasy. man over nature.

The major difference between western and eastern philosophy is one of " d o i n g " and " b e i n g . since you are one with the universe. " Most of us in the west have great difficulty just being. Thus. you don't have to do anything. It follows that intellectual self-analysis only creates greater distance between your mind and your self. 191 . Oriental philosophers developed ways of calming the mind and experiencing oneself more directly. . much as animals. This eastern philosophy is becoming more pervasive in the west now that western man is beginning to see the price he pays. except as something to subdue. . he bulldozes it down and puts the highway through. psychologically and ecologically speaking. By "stopping your mind. something apart from yourself. for instance. Western man wants to get from one place to another as quickly as possible with a highway. and the whole earth are part of her. A third approach is man within nature — t h a t is. the mind does not always want to cooperate.nature — we are trying to gain control of it. In this view: you are it. Unfortunately. you are what you seek. trees. and continues to run its own way. rivers. a tree. rocks. Man also has this innate knowledge of himself. In this philosophy of man within nature. Eastern thinking emphasizes that when you view something intellectually you view it as a separate entity. You are. he has only to allow himself to develop in accord with nature. He does not have to seek outside knowledge. you can be at one with it. man as an integral part of nature. for his "influence" over nature. man is part of nature. If you can stop your mind. you can have direct knowledge of your self and. therefore the knowledge of the man ." you can have a direct experience of the universe. We pay little attention to nature. " We westerners are always " d o i n g . If there is a mountain in the way. whereas in eastern philosophy the emphasis is on being. direct knowledge of the universe. does not need to be universe is also within educated in school in order to learn how to be a bigger tree.

" So the master took care of himself by taking care of the servant who was driving him crazy . do body exercises or enjoy sexual pleasure. T h e opposite of fussing is calm. One way you can achieve calmness of mind is through the practice of meditation.both of these rob you of the present. This broken record is your fussing. Most of the time the mind runs smoothly. . The servant was driving the master crazy. and there are many fine works available on the subject. The repetition is really the most important thing. the here and the now. Mantras were originally Sanskrit phrases with religious significance that are repeated again and again. "I want you to go and build a tower seven stories high. but sometimes it is as though the mind gets stuck — very much as though there were a tape loop. You don't need it fussing when you are trying to relax. There are a few kinds of meditation that are particularly useful to us here. A yogi once told me the story of the maharajah who had a talented servant. The only problem was that the servant constantly was at the master's side saying. or a broken record at work. You should be able to call upon it only when you need it. " tugging at his sleeve. "What can I do now.. able to do anything for him. Master? What shall I do n o w ? . asking for further tasks. So finally the master said. It can take the form of an unfinished situation if it is in the past. A very popular and effective form of meditation is Mantra meditation.From a western computer with thought standpoint it is possible to think of the mind as a tapes inside it. 192 . it can take the form of rehearsing if it is in the future . although they can also be just a nonsensical repetition of sounds or words. and then 1 want you to run up and down the tower stairs until I call for y o u . More than an elementary introduction to meditation is beyond the scope of this b o o k . and I recommend that you try them. just as you can take care of your mind when it is driving you crazy.

The only thing left in your mind is the mantra. . using and directing all my psychological processes and my physical b o d y . I have an intellect but it is not myself. . still. and capable of mastering. emotions. therefore I a m . after a while your computer becomes . I am not my desires. " One object of meditation is to break our strong identification with our thoughts. for 193 . An exercise to assist you in dis-identifying from your standard way of seeing the world is this sequence of ideas: 1 am n o t my body: I have a b o d y . I have desires but they are not myself. all are aimed at dis-identifying you from your thoughts and actions. until gradually. When you no longer identify yourself with anything but your center of self-awareness you are then able to accept each part of your being as available for. . but not necessary t o . Certainly Western culture has been built on such assumptions as Descartes' "I think. without your noticing.So one solution to the problem of the repeating tape loop in your computer is to overload the circuit with a mantra as it were. What am I then? What remains after discarding my sensations. There are different mantras or phrases to use for different purposes or tasks. I have emotions but I am not my emotions. existence. You will remain a continuing e n t i t y . Most of us identify ourselves with our thoughts and we fear that not thinking would be not being. I am not my emotions. desires and thoughts? I am a center of awareness and will. b u t I am not my b o d y . . I am not my intellect. very .

the m o m e n t all else will pass. As a continuing entity you are in charge and you can change any aspects of your emotion, thought or desire so you can obtain the most out of your life. Even when your mind isn't stuck in a fussing pattern, you may at times find it difficult to "let g o " into your body's excitement. You are holding on with your mind, your of course, mind on as well as with that your body. start So if you can another thinking concentrate something doesn't

pattern, you will find your b o d y is freed to experience its feelings. A mantra is very useful in this case. Any phrase will do, even something like "copper tobacco c a n . " The words don't matter; the repetition is what's important. One of my sun the in favorite mantras is Aditya Hridayam the and Punyam Sarv Shatru time to learn it, is page 00)

Bena Shenam (which means "All evil vanishes from life for him who keeps the his heart.") This phrase, on Sex and if you will take — Spirituality excellent to repeat. It is meant to open your fourth chakra or heart center (see chapter Religion Orgasm, stimulating your time, you will feelings of love and compassion. But whether the Eastern in touch with your

purpose for using the mantra works or not is unimportant. If you use it at any find yourself feeling calmer and more feelings.

When you are doing your exercises alone and you find yourself fussing and unable to finish a situation, I recommend withdrawing into yourself to center yourself. Sit in an upright position, spine straight. Close your eyes and merely pay attention to your breathing, using the words "rising" as you take a breath in and "falling" as you let your breath out, to help give your mind something to d o . Just sit quietly in this way for at least 10 minutes, or as long as it takes. When you finish, your mind will be calm and you can continue.

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If when you are working with a partner your mind gives you trouble, you could both stop and sit in this manner for a time; but this sometimes interrupts the flow of your energy and your relationship. If so, try just coordinating your breathing with your partner's and using the words (silently) "rising" and "falling" as your belly rises and falls during the exercise.

As I said previously, the mind is like a huge active computer collecting data all the time, every m o m e n t we are awake. Sometimes it becomes so overloaded with thoughts there seems to be no room for any more. At this point you need to e m p t y your mind, clear your " t a p e s , " and start anew. There is another form of meditation for doing this. As with all forms of meditation, sit in a comfortable upright position on the floor, on a cushion or in a straight-backed chair, as long as your spine is straight and upright. Now just pay attention to your thoughts as though you were removed from t h e m , listening to a record or watching a movie, as though they were not part of you; you are a passive witness to yourself. Let your thoughts flow, neither censor nor hold on to them. Again, you are dis-identifying yourself with your thoughts. It is sometimes helpful to imagine

yourself comfortably sitting by a slow-moving river or a stream; your thoughts are flotsam and jetsam, passing you by and moving on.

This is a process of emptying your mind, of letting your thoughts flow without stopping t h e m . If one image or thought returns, examine it closely, see if it is unfinished material, then if it is, imagine yourself putting it aside mentally, putting a wall around it; you can come back to it later. Right now it is time to relax and empty your mind. This may only take a few m o m e n t s or so of concentration, then you can go o n . You will know when your mind stops fussing.

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Active participation in meditation is a very useful practice for calming and centering yourself in every aspect of your life. There are many schools of thought as to how to go about this. When you are interested you can find the path that suits you.

Another trying to get so

thing you may each thing in you

discover when you go inside your mind is its place . . . controlling and going the isolating your you want.

holding on. By holding on 1 mean trying to control every situation around you, environment that have everything way

"Rehearsing" is a form of controlling. The opposite of holding on is, of course, letting go, accepting things as they come . . . spontaneously responding to the Now. This is more easily said than d o n e , but my exercises are designed to enable you to learn to let go. Thus, as you bring your attention to your body . . . not to what your partner is doing, nor to what is happening around you . . . you may become aware of your own holding on, your own difficulty in letting go.

As we hold on in our minds we also hold on in our bodies, that part of our environment with which we are most closely in contact. The asanas (exercises) of Hatha Yoga, the yoga of the b o d y , are exercises in letting go. 1 recommend the study of Hatha Yoga as a good way to increase the process of letting go . . . as well as for helping to keep your body flexible. Since Hatha Yoga is becoming more popular these days, classes are available in most areas. Where classes are not available, there are many, many books to start you. The turn off. third phenomenon people experience in their minds is that they people are just not present in the world a great deal of the

Many

time. It is as though they were a u t o m a t o n s . This is particularly true when it comes to any anxiety-producing situation, as sex is for many people. Turning off is a way of disassociating yourself from your experience. It is possible to

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chemically enhance this "non-presence" by using alcohol or tranquilizers; they often have this effect. If you are turning yourself off regularly and you want to reverse this process, it is possible. If you bring your attention to your awareness in detail, really pay attention to what you are doing, you can begin to turn yourself on. The Eastern approach to paying attention is epitomized in any Zen

monastery, where there is a moment-to-moment discipline over each thought and act, requiring constant and total attention. We can use a similar technique for paying attention. Start with the simple exercise of saying to yourself, " N o w 1 am aware . . . " and finish the sentence ". .. aware of the colors of the room . . . aware of the tips of my toes . . . my hands . . . my b o d y .. . my eyes . . . my ears . . . sounds, smells, all of my senses," etc. Regular practice will increase your sensitivity to the present around you. Each time you do this exercise, you will find new sensations, within and without, to be aware of. Come to the world, here and now, and pay attention. Enjoy your life

to its utmost. As far as 1 know, this is the only chance you get. This is . . . in the words of Ken Kesey .. . "the only ticket you get to this show." If you don't pay attention, you'll blow it!

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The giving of oneself to another with love. The Judeo-Christian morality put something of a damper on such activities and Calvinism all but finished it off. Orgiastic revelry alternating with fervent religious ceremonies achieved for these faithful a union of opposites: the highest and the lowest.Religion and Sex Spirituality and Orgasm Spirituality and orgasm are different expressions of the same life force. their members usually ending up burning at the stake. could secretly boast such an illustrious member as Rasputin among its ranks. In orgasm. Many so-called "pagan" religions included sexual orgies and phallus worship as cornerstones of their ritual. the experience of being swept out of the ego or mind and into the senses is not uncommon. The idea persisted. such as childbirth. There is a great similarity between an intense religious experience and a total orgasm. 199 . called the Khlysty. leaving only Satan worshippers to carry on the tradition. in such a devoutly Christian society as Czarist Russia. and from time to time various "heretical" sects appeared in Western Christianity. total surrender. loss of duality and merger describes the religious experience as well as it describes sexual union. The practice of sexual participation in connection with a religious ritual for the attainment of enlightenment has a history almost as old as man." This peak of bliss can be attained through other experiences as well. such a sect. Within the last hundred years. however. which sometimes gives a woman a feeling of being at one with the universe for a brief m o m e n t . Each is often called a "peak experience.

and its teachings date back to centuries before Christ. "relationship" Judeo-Christian tradition. the way man uses his energy in the world around him. In other words each chakra is a way of being in the world. the goal is to rise above the duality of petty love and hate and pain and pleasure. It can be thought of as a serpent which resides at the base of the spine. including both spiritual expression and sexual expression. The key concept in yoga is the idea that you are it! (TAT TWAM ASI. not outwardly turned. One image of it is of a coiled snake biting his own tail. What is to be linked in yoga is our consciousness. This energy "Kundalini" Yoga. particularly different ways. The word " y o g a " comes from the Sanskrit base " t o y o k e " — to link two things together. "I live now not me. so that we may live in tune with the source of consciousness rather than out of the limited consciousness of our everyday awareness.The concept of psychic energy expressing of the body can be expressed or manifested in is a basic teaching of yoga. (Weltanschauung) a way of expressing the energy within us to the 200 . or chakras. thus activating the six different psychic centers. in the Christian view one would hesitate to say.) You are that divine principle which you seek. The having yogi works toward realizing his own "God-ness" infinite being. a name given to the energy of the universe which is within us all at different levels. to the source of consciousness. The Yoga Sutra is the basic text of yoga. At each of these centers the entire psychological structure. "1 than am Christ a or God. " However. world." but the with yogis the believe we are as each in a the manifestation rather of God. Saint Paul expressed it in Christian terms when he said. The goal of the yogi is to awaken that serpent to start the flow of energy up the spine. and attain a level from which the pitifulness and worthlessness of our ordinary consciousness becomes very apparent. until it reaches the crown of the head. is expressed differently. One yoga concept that is particularly relevant here is that of the Kundalini. For the yogi. which I'd like to discuss here in the light of modern depth psychology. the spiritual God. but Christ in m e . above the limitations of the ego. our everyday awareness.

Each He does this by meditation. a sound and a whole atmosphere about it. It is interesting to note that the chakras correspond closely to the neuroplexes of western physiology. I once heard Joseph Campbell. the psychological way of being and the physical way of being are two manifestations of the same thing. The realms of the spiritual and the physical in eastern thinking are so intimately interrelated t h a t one can hardly separate the two. 201 . The chakras are viewed as lotuses opening. there is no zeal for life. and as the yogi brings his energies to these centers they begin to tingle within the body. They tend to guard things. . To the oriental. and the things that they guard are gold and beautiful girls. the eminent authority on mythology. located at the base of the spine. This is the way their kundalini or psychic energy is at this first level. or chakras. and movement . describe this state in terms of dragons. This is the root or base chakra. not moving out into the world. He said that dragons have a curious function.The devotee of kundalini yoga tries to stimulate the flow of energy up the spine to activate the different flow up centers the spine. T h e y won't "give-up" and enjoy life . There is no difference between the t w o . breathing (pranayama). There is no joy. there is a color. . they just hang on. . body asanas or positions that stimulate the energy chakra or center has a picture that goes with it. . There is simply a hanging-on to life. The first chakra is the Müladhara Chakra. They can't make use of either. The person whose energy is tied up here has a kind of a hanging-on existence . . they are just hanging on and existing. and it corresponds to how some people are throughout life. The picture is one of the serpent biting its tail. .

.

.

It is the Svadisthana Chakra. to incorporate. . a loss of selfness. to consume. . t o g e t h e r " or the loss of duality.The second center is at the genitals. In therapy. This is the " F r e u d i a n " chakra . Here the energy is directed at power . The reason is that at is a loss of the sense of ego. as one begins to come to life. These then are man's energy. which It is at the solar plexis or heart center. to be in control. interestingly enough. taking in. to achieve power. One in turn interprets all of one's existence in terms of sexual energy. The next three chakras are the spiritual chakras. of the "coming At this point opposites come together . The next stage or chakra is the Manipüraka Chakra. It resides at the level of the navel. although it's to get stuck with only one focus of energy. Some politicians are an excellent example of life at this stage. chakra of love. The central theme in Jungian psychology 204 . this point there desire and aggression. to be a winner. to turn things into the self. . centers or major uses ways of being in the world is determined by social custom and laws. This is the favorite resort of the kundalini. the first thing that opens up many times is sexual desire and sexual energy. terror and fear are extinguished. to let go and to move. the conception of man as basically erotic. and is is also the chakra of transformation. the life energy. This is the area of Adlerian psychology or Nietzschian philosophy. The we control these energies. yet with love. Here one's whole existence in life is centered around sex. . One acts without a sense of self. The main goal of life at this level is to be on t o p . T h e first of these is the the Anahata Chakra. These first three chakras typify the way most of us live in the world. We manifest possible different of life forms of these chakras way at different times. . .

is this union of opposites with man's spiritual origins. It is interesting that when we feel affection, love, and warmth for someone, we want to reach out and bring t h e m to our breast, to hold them close to the chest. The way of being in the world when operating from this chakra is one of reaching out with love.

The next chakra is the Visuddha. This is the chakra right at the base of the throat. At of this the chakra lower one's chakras energy on is directed toward purifying the contaminents the trip to higher spirituality, and

coming to the inner light directly, tuning into the inner sound of God. This is the monastic level. Here are the disiplines of the spiritual level, moving out of the world and turning to the inner world. One's energy is directed inward spiritually to ease one's consciousness on to the next higher level.

The sixth chakra is Ajnna, located between the eyebrows at the "third e y e . " It is the center of spiritual power and knowledge, the highest sphere of inner authority that you can attain. When the energy or serpent is here, you have reached the point of beholding the image of the world of God. This is the realm of heaven and bliss on earth.

The final chakra is the Sahasrara, located at the crown of the head. Here one is past all pairs of opposite and at one with God. There are a great many texts written about the chakras. Sir John

Woodroff's The Serpent Power, is a very authorative text on kundalini yoga.

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I have given a brief description of a way of conceptualizing how energy within us can be expressed in different ways. This way of looking at the body and spirituality gives us some understanding of how sex and spirituality come together, in that sex is just one manifestation of the pure life energy force. As this power or force is activated in you it can be expressed in many ways: sexual expression is one way; spiritual expression is another. You can see these as forms of the same power. I have found the yogi's way of looking at energy to be most useful in understanding different people's ways of being in the world, and the different theories of psychology.

Another form of yoga which is especially relevant here is Tantra, the yoga of sex. sexual In Tantric union. Yoga it is the yogi's goal to achieve divine union of the Tantric ritual may give you through A brief summary

some idea of how this is achieved. The female partner plays the role of the "divine w o m a n . " She becomes shakti itself, the universal passive principle. She is the complete being . . . that subtle power which, when used correctly, leads to liberation. The male becomes the shakta, the male principle. In uniting with her, the yogi experiences unity and enjoys supreme bliss. This union is not easily accomplished, for the male must never have seminal emission or, like Tissot, the yogi believes that he will lose all the energy that is generated. The yogi must therefore prepare and master three major controls; preparation for sexual union are enough the control of thought, the control of breath, and the control of semen. These practices of to lift anyone's mind and body spiritually. The divine ritual of Tantric Yoga is long and involved. In essence though, what takes place is that the shakta, the male, is seated with a woman, the shakti. The shakti may be the man's wife or another woman . . . any Each approaches the ritual by woman is the living embodiment of shakti.

meditation and preparation; the preparation is part of the ritual and there are a number of steps in the ritual — from cleansing the body to drinking wine and eating meat or fish. This is followed by each partner's touching the other at various places on their body while chanting a mantra. The final ritual is the joining of the male and the female. The partners sit facing each other; they breathe in unison . . . as they exhale, they make a sound or vibration. They concentrate on the Müláhara Chakra in the area at the base of t h e spine. When

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they

feel

the

energy

begin

to spread, (the

kundalini rising) they draw the

energy up the spine and send it to their partner. After a length of time, when the male is feeling a great enough flow of energy, he draws the female shakti o n t o his lap, she wraps her legs around him, and her arms are around his neck. She draws the male's penis inside her vagina, and they are joined . . . but remain motionless. They are joining their eyes and minds. They breathe in unison, they join their foreheads, and their eyes merge into one as do their spirits. You may have seen some of the oriental statues that depict this scene. This in general is the sequence, but it may vary from one devotee to another. The major emphasis is on the psychic and spiritual tension, not the genital function. The Tantric rite trains the participant to use one of the most powerful physiological forces - sex energy — for the attainment of a higher state of consciousness in which personal ego is transcended. On the other hand, in contrast to those which encourage sex, many

religions in the eastern and the western world have advocated sexual continence for the spiritual path. The idea is that one's energy, usually vented in sexual participation, would be conserved and available for higher functioning . . . spirituality. The assumption that one can get spiritually high by denying oneself sexual pleasure may have prompted some churches to demand abstinence in sexual relations from their priests.

1 suspect that as one becomes more spiritually in tune, as your psychic energy becomes more manifest in the higher chakras, sexuality becomes less important . . . as does all desire. There are certain stages to the spiritual life, and as each stage is passed, the "charge" is dissipated and one automatically goes on to the next stage. When one tries to rush the process, to skip stages, the unfinished stages, such as the sexual, still maintain a pull. The initiate then spends a great deal of time and energy trying to suppress sexual desires. Meditation and prayer are constantly being interrupted by sexual thoughts and fantasies. The followers of very spiritual men have noted that their Masters or Gurus did not want or need to participate in sex. When the higher spiritual centers can utilize that energy, sexual continence occurs naturally, without effort. When one is ready to give up something . . . sex, power, whatever . . . then the giving up does not require energy.

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I am not, however, advocating giving up sex, nor have I any plans to do so myself. On the contrary, my view is that sex is an important expression of life energy experience. as well as a possible source of great bliss in the larger-than-self Besides, it's fun. I am not in accord with the "hair-shirt"

philosophy that anything that's fun should be avoided.

You can only be where you are, after all. And while you are there you might as well make the most of it. Since the great majority of us are not on that rarified spiritual plane where desire drops from us like an unneeded garment, we are still very much in possession of our sexual drives, so let's put them to good use . . . to expand our consciousness, to express our love, to stimulate our energy to a high level of aliveness. That is what I hope this book will help you to d o .

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and yet 1 kept thinking about what it was that really made a successful dentist and about the aspects of human nature that were involved (how difficult it is for some people to go to the dentist. I was interested in people. and I wanted to get that information to as many people as possible. I went into the Air Force for two years. I was a psychology major in college and a pre-dental minor. I found myself becoming more and more involved with the patient . so dentistry seemed natural. . etc? After I got o u t of dental school. and my parents wanted me to have a profession. the first course I had heard of that dealt with the psychological aspects of dentistry. I found out while I was there that I was good at carrying out the mechanical aspects of dentistry.How the Book Came to Be I guess I felt I knew something that someone else didn't know. . About the time my tour of duty was up I returned to the University of California for a post-graduate course in psychology in dentistry . I met a man there by the name of Lauren Borland. I was able to do things easily that required fine coordination with my hands. . who held a PhD. . I applied (or actually my mother applied) for dental school and I was accepted. for instance). how can we do things to improve the atmosphere of the office. how can we make things more pleasant for him. but it has come together very nicely for me. something that was valuable and useful. in 209 . My background may seem somewhat schizoid.

and at the University of Pacific Dental School. so actually I was learning as much about psychology as 1 was about dentistry. That sort of sums up my professional career. At the same time I started attending groups and pursuing my own personal insights. I was very compulsive and " u p t i g h t " before this. I completed my training as a therapist by going back to school to get a PhD. afraid to go to the dentist. I began to see how inadequate my training had been for group work. Dental School to teach and do research. I worked with him for about three years as a member of his group. .C. and then as a co-therapist. I was particularly concerned with people who were apprehensive. and became the Director of Counseling there. He was instrumental in encouraging me to come back up to U. I started my private dental practice and was spending part of my time teaching at U. Bob later became my chief trainer as a Gestalt Therapist. so 1 went back for a Masters degree is psychology. I also went to the Gestalt Institute of San Francisco for another two years of training (I'm still involved there as a training therapist) . including long-term private therapy. I began to get quite a bit freer myself. I was ready and willing to take on all kinds of problems with dental patients. I was also doing a lot of research and taking post-graduate courses. so I went to a program at Big Sur with Bob Hall and Fitz Perls which turned out to be very influential on my life. Esalen had just started around this time and I became interested in the whole encounter trip. I was advised that if I wanted to stay in the academic field I would have to go back and get some more degrees.C.psychology and was also a dentist. I continued teaching psychology to the students at the University of the Pacific Dental School. and people who were having hysterical symptoms. As I got more and more involved in "one-to-one" relationships. . in Clinical Psychology. that's how I got into Gestalt. 210 .

people said: "Well there's nothing the matter with you. yoga. and felt he had a marvelous grasp of the theory of the sexual energies of life. as a dancer. who was a dental patient of mine. I talked to her about a pelvic block I seemed to have. how much energy there is in the body and how it can be controlled and used to best advantage. So I talked about it in therapy and with other people. I didn't buy the whole Eastern " t r i p " of turning off your sexual energy. you're fine. If you had a sex problem. I had occasion to talk with Ann Halprin. how did I come to write the book? I had been married about ten years. though." I began to study and try new ways to make things better. and in turn agreed to teach me movement. since I was already into the "energy concept" through my study of Hatha Yoga and had begun to realize. . just a hunch. I was ready for his approach. there were a lot of places you could go for help. I didn't move in my pelvis. I would work a couple of hours with her on movement and breathing. and it seemed as though everything was fine to me. and had begun to wonder: Can sex be any better? I didn't have any big problems. I found myself able to enjoy sex much more when In I did my breathing and improvement! paid attention to my movement. I had no idea. and Reichian therapy. but h o w was I to know? I wanted to explore further. might offer some of the answers I sought. through meditation in yoga. but if everything was OK. As I did this. to experience this therapy herself. nobody seemed to have any good answers. and what I 211 . People asked what exercises I did. So I offered to show those who were interested what Ann taught me. so it seemed that Lowen. I began to learn a lot by putting bioenergetics. I worked with Alexander Lowen in a workshop at Big Sur.Now. about my studies concerning therapy for facial expressions (the subject of my doctoral thesis in psychology) and she was very interested. and Ann's work together. 1 didn't k n o w if it was even possible . and she would work a couple of hours with me on facial therapy. . it was a fantastic By this time I was leading groups down at Big Sur and talking about my experience to different groups. fact.

Mostly I worked with professionals . and I was his trainer at the time. etc was detracting and their relations with other people. George Downing. Stone's course in "Polarity T h e r a p y " . When I saw it I c o m m e n t e d to him . a copy of his b o o k . " So we started talking about the different things that I knew about. I had no idea it could be so great" etc. I said " I ' m going to write a b o o k . people were ecstatic. "Oh s u r e . . had just written The Massage Book. " t h e difference between us is that you didn't make the effort. And sell is something. how to do some of the exercises. . dammit I'm going to write a book t o o ! " A n d he said "Great I'll introduce you to my publisher. But none of them seemed exciting to me . my energy wasn't there at the moment. Pat. and our friends Bob and Julie Crockett as we were lounging together in our Japanese bath. along with my yoga exercises. as a present. "It changed my whole sex life . . . for I found them to be very energy-provoking." I went home that night and started talking with my wife. I had structural integration (Rolfing) and began Reichian therapy training. . and I said that I used to teach it . "Well. . The results were amazing . "George. He was studying to be a Gestalt Therapist at the Institute. I'm sorry I didn't write it." somebody said. . Feldenkrais and studied briefly his work with breathing and movement. and there were a number of other possibilities to pursue. This conglomeration all began to come together. as a regular part of my workshop. . As time went on everything seemed to come together. " T h e only thing t h a t will really They asked me if I knew anything about sex." I found that this from my work. a friend of mine. . I'd already thought about doing a textbook on psychology in dentistry. . exercises for myself. I did!" So I said. So I began showing people. " And they said. I took Dr. ." He replied. T h e problem I continued doing the was that I got to be known as "the dentist who teaches sex.added from other disciplines. I didn't feel like it. Then I met Dr. they said. this is a really lovely book. . He gave me. nurses. on sex. and is what the book is all about. and suddenly I realized that that's what the book was to be a b o u t ! 212 . dentists. physicians. so I quit doing it.

with people who are interested in growth. Maybe I could pull it together for them. when it became something more than just teaching someone to have a better orgasm. I divide the rest of my time between my patients and groups as a clinical psychologist. I would be interested in your comments. I was drawn to the spiritual path. Usually just the genitals arc emphasized. I am more interested in working with couples. T h a t ' s when the book began to be something important to me. I am still a teacher of professional people. I am not a "sex therapist" dealing with people who have serious sexual problems. so that they wouldn't have to struggle around looking for answers as I did (over a seven year period). I can be reached c/o Bookworks.I started o u t writing the book about the exercises and the movement strictly from a body standpoint. there are sexual clinics all over the country to which people with serious hangups can be referred. religion and sex. In exploring the actual physiological sequences of orgasm. 213 . So when 1 got to writing t h e book. That's why I began to explore some of the things that I hadn't been able to find in other b o o k s — for instance. And the Reichian notion that orgasm is the greatest thing there is seemed to stop a little short also. I like to work with people who are well. but the part that said " c u t out all sex" didn't fit for me. I also have a consulting private practice in dentistry and my work with private service and I go to offices to work with personnel relations. I realized that I could really do something to help people. It became evident to me as I kept going that the sexual relationship is so much more. I found that very few people ever talk about what's going on in terms of the total body. In therapy. it is the relationship that counts. and who consider sex an important adjunct to their growth.

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