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By: Lee Sherrill The other day I was making my rounds to the local Starbucks for their used coffee grounds that they pass out for free for composting and gardening purposes, also for the addictive coffee. Just getting off duty and making my way into the city to retrieve my daughter for Dad/Daughter time, I was still in uniform. While dressed in this manner, I carry myself as a professional at all times and I unapologetically flirt with every woman I meet, regardless, age, color, heft or physical attractiveness…. shameless...I know. A very nice woman was bagging up some coffee grounds for me and naturally I was cracking jokes, making eye contact, smiling, generally being friendly. She struggled to double bag the large amount of wet heavy grounds; of course I made an innocently risqué comment along the lines of: “Ya better double bag it, ya don’t know where those coffee grounds have been…” She laughed, she blushed, "I don't want you to get coffee grounds all in your car!", 'Very thoughtful of her', my inner dialogue stated... Once she was finished and handed the bag to me I asked, " Are you happy with it?, cause if you are happy, I am happy..." Her reply was "Yes, ...you must be a good husband". I was momentarily shocked by this remark….I am sure she saw it scribed all over my face... "I'm divorced", was my reply, with a steady chin. Her eyes shot to the floor, she was embarrassed. She meant nothing by it. She was just flirting too. Part I
I thought about this exchange the rest of the day. The voices of the past replayed a scratchy record… “A real man would do this…”…”A real man would do that…”…”A real Family man is”….I felt as if I was at a breaking point, a precipice, the Rubicon. It all had to come out, a catharsis. It spurred me to write this lengthy rant-style article in the shadow of those prized social commentators like Bill Hicks and George Carlin. I doubt you are going to read something like this in Playboy, Maxim or GQ, but i honestly don't know. So, hold on, here we go… Is this what it means to be a Man in this Society? Is our existence in relationship to our female counterparts summed by the ability to appease now? To evoke certain neurochemical cocktails of feel good? It's the 21st damn century, men and women are finally on equal playing fields, as it should have always been, as it obviously has always been despite human beliefs. Oddly enough, even in my minor consumption of fearstream media, I catch commercials, sitcoms, movies etc., depicting what I have come to call the "Pet Man" or the " Mickey Mouse Male". Cartoonish charactatures of the Male Motif. More and more I see men depicted as man-children, incompetent, incapable of Reason, Responsibility, Accountability, Critical thinking, Commitment or Emotional Empathy. Depicted as raging & brutish DNA dispensers. Depicted as purse mules, bag hangers and begrudging cargo alpacas for retail therapy escapades. Depicted as emotional whipping posts and berated domesticated apes. It is suggested to us that this is how we ought be or need to be to carry on successful long term relationships or marriages, consensual flings or whatever it is we do. Welcome to Adage Alley Kids: "A happy wife is a happy home"
"She keeps his nuts in her purse" "She wears the pants" “She sits on a pot of gold” “Pussy makes the world go ‘round” "I’m in the doghouse" “Old ball & chain” “I suppose I will be sleeping on the couch” "If momma ain't happy, ain’t nobody happy" “There is something in the wedding cake, ‘cause after she eats it, everything changes…” “Oh, Shit! It’s the anniversary of the day we held hands for the first time, I’d better find some overpriced flowers, some shitty candy and a shiny trinket. “The bigger the diamond, the more he is committed, the more he loves me” “She spoke it, therefore it is…” Gentlemen, What are We? What have We become...? What is happening to Us.....? I understand that sometimes when an oppressed group petitions the Authority for their equal rights and obtains them from the same Authority that was the vehicle of their oppression to begin with, the pendulum often swings into the extreme opposite direction and the oppressed become the oppressors for a period of time. I don't really think this is the case in this society, I don't see women directly oppressing men by way of physical force, this world is still quite dangerously patriarchal, but what I do see is a socio-media push to disempower men from the natural state of Manhood. By no means am I advocating Chauvinism, I'm advocating that we men claim back from Hollywood our Manhood and its definitions and descriptions.
"Manhood" or "To Be a Real Man" must be redefined, and we men must do it, by our actions not just our words. Masculinity has suffered a massive Full Arrest. Our patient not breathing has no pulse and CPR is in progress. Time to go to work. To date, of the films I have been exposed to in my adult life, “The Grey" makes a step in the right direction on the issue of ‘Arrested Masculinity’ (listen to the DVD commentary). The film depicts a male hero that confronts his Fear, admits he is afraid, but acts in spite of his fear is resourceful, compassionate, rugged, gritty, diehard, a fighter, comes to terms with his own Death, cares for the sick and defends the weak & the helpless. Liam Nelson’s character, as a suggested archetypal masculine ideal, resembles nothing that is being pushed on everyday TV. He faces the wolves and the Darkness within himself…if you have seen the film you will remember this: “Once more into the fray/Into the last good fight I’ll ever know/Live and die on this day/Live and die on this day” "Fight Club" comes to mind as well, touching on an observation that we men have no place to exercise out our natural aggression. We looked to women for our role models due absent, cowardice or feminized fathers, a quote from the film: “A generation
of men raised by women. I’m wondering if another woman is the answer we really need”. To alleviate the pressures building within, we seek simulated battle and conquest; first person shooter video games, we pick sports teams full of young mean in tights and authoritative father figure cult of personality coaches, to yell at from the cushy comforts of sofas and recliners. Roll Tide Roll. So what's the deal? Let us be brutally honest. Men seek companionship and sex, not particularly in that order, human man evolved with the ability to reproduce 365+ days a year. A man can walk out onto his front porch and say to himself, “ I sure would like to get laid today”, And we go about our daily lives hoping to get lucky. Men often seem to need a physical connection to evoke an emotional connection, and once that emotional connection is made, it roots itself deeply. A woman on the contrary can walk out on her front porch and say, “ Today, I think I will get laid.” Nine out of Ten times, i gamble she can be successful. Women are seemingly the inverse, women evolved to reproduce once a year and often need the emotional connection to evoke a drive to the physical, and it's for the best it be this way, otherwise we as a species would overpopulate the planet for real, not for fake... (Kiss my ass Bill Gates.) By no means is this universally true or applicable, some people are outliers, exceptions and some people simply copulate for fun, yes…people have sex purely for pleasure….shocking….I know…just keep clutching your Bible, it will all be okay…. Bottom line, all human experience has a chemical & electrical nature. Sexual pleasure is evolutions Ace in the Hole to assure that the Species would continue, despite the apparent superficial incompatibilities betweenst women & men. But bottom...bottom line, men & women both seek a
connection. Ancient & arcane myths depict a reoccurring archetypal motif, the story in a nutshell is then when the gods created the first Humans, and these humans had four legs, four arms and two heads. The gods soon grew jealous of the Humans, for their creation had become happier than their designers. So, the gods split the Humans into two halves, man & woman. We have been trying to reconnect with Eachother ever since. Men in this society are duped into a false notion that by appeasing a woman constantly will render consistent & satisfying sexual contact and a companion that will stay around, a reconnection. Maybe that is so, I critically question it, but maybe, I’m not claiming absolute knowing here but my fellow men, is it worth it? Are the women who all this works on really worth our time, resources and energy, regardless of how hott they are? Is being a pet worth it? Ask any married man how that is going for him. Passive-Aggressive Behavior and Resentment are what tends to be the final results. Rather we men accept it or not, Women are the Choosers, men are the beggars. Observe the animal kingdom; males compete for the attention and affection of females, I get it, I honestly do get it… beast we are, but more than beast we have the potential to be, so I dare ask, is it worth it? If she leaves, she leaves... Fly, fly away little Bird, you were always Free. “What are you doing, Bro? You are never getting laid again after you let this Rant loose to the world!” Guys, Keep Calm and Chive On, do to the nature of my job, and my ability with words, if I wanted to go out and whore out with super hott, skin deep, empty shell Beauties with Daddy Issues, I could, I have…its fun, but its not worth it….rethink it.
Men lets be brutally honest with ourselves for a moment, we fear loneliness, we really do. I know I do, and I have no shame in confessing it here before you. “No man is an island". Maybe we are so terrified of being alone we capitulate and turn ourselves into sheepish pushovers for the sake of our insecurity. Stop, just stop. There must be another way to keep the silent demon ‘Lonely’ at bay. Women are not to blame for this cultural meme, we men are ultimately responsible for our behavior. Environmental conditions, social pressures, cultural expectations and a pervasive fuelling of the mickey mouse male image by the entertainment-industrial complex doesn't help our situation. Some women just take advantage of this, some women do not know any better and expect this, some women don't want anything to do with it, and those Women are what we may need, but its up to us to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, and climb out of this pit and work together with the women of this world who stand independent and confident on their own two feet.
So what is the Solution to Our Problem? We are gentlemen, we are. Time to claim what is rightfully ours. Time to have zero tolerance for domestic tyranny and fallacious advertising. Let’s show women how we want to be treated by treating them how we want to be treated…novel idea, huh? Stop buying women shit, stop bowing down, stop being ashamed of yourself, be honest about your hopes, dreams and desires. Cease feeling guilty for our comparatively heightened sexuality and our sexual drive, its okay, it really truly is very Human (keyword: Human), we are Men, lets feel okay acting like Men. Women can take care of themselves,
they don't need us, they aren't delicate flowers, they don't need keeping, firearms exist so they don't need protecting, money exist so they can earn it themselves, houses exist so they can buy them themselves, jobs exist so they can work them themselves. We seem to need them more than they need us. Equal means Equal. You deal with your issues first, then help out the woman you care for… A Comment on Diamonds and Materialism in General: Stop buying women diamonds along with other useless crap. DeBeers Diamond Monopoly has advertised and emotional manipulated young girls and conned horny lonely young men long enough. Diamonds aren't rare. Diamonds exist wherever carbon exists. This is a Carbon planet and we are a carbon based life forms. Diamonds are everywhere, especially industrial diamonds…Women, please stop wanting a shinny rock as a symbol of commitment or whatever it means to you, it’s a damn rock. Consider accepting instead spoken word and observe behavior & action and you will Know what he is really about, if he really wants just you... Men, if she wants a rock, she can go buy a rock, but yes… it may score you that BJ on your anniversary, once a year… Great, that annual obligatory BJ…. yay-rah...you have been trained well, you pet man you, here is your slice of cheese, good boy…. You didn’t by chance get an engagement Jet-Ski or Barrett .50 BMG, did ya? Part II The Adonis Complex: The Issue of Male Body Image
This gets into uncomfortable territory, gird yer loins.... The topic of the unrealistic & idealized body image of women portrayed in pop culture has long been over the top obvious in its viciousness, meaning We the Awake Ones have been discussing it for awhile. How the influencing and molding of the minds of little girls forms adult women that reek of insecurity and self loathing is a tragedy and ‘Tragedy’ is an understatement. We men are hardly considered with the issues of body image and culture, social pressures & expectations, but we have media induced body morphic disorders as well as our feminine counter parts… I Think, I don’t Know, just Think this is what is occurring: Go to a Books-a-Million or other chain book store and observe the magazine rack. We will notice that there are images of beautiful Men & Women, a careful analysis will show us that most of the female images are very sexy, or women sexualized in some abstract manner and most of the women are airbrushed up and lookin' smokin', cant deny I stare a little. We notice that the Male images sometimes have older greyed men as sex symbols, heftier, not so perfect men as glamorized symbols. Watch "King of Queens" then "Family Guy", both illustrate that men don’t have to
be physically ideal to be a public figure…fat & incompetent but with a hott wife? That sort of pressure just isn’t as pervasive as it is with women. Little girls are born into the current accepted ideal and are bombarded with images and ideas that, when simply stated, suggest that they are not good enough the way they are, TV, radio, film, Ads, product placement: boobs too small, ass not perfect, stretch marks, lips too thin, hair too straight, saddle bags, freckles, pimples, FAT, just never good enough, need I continue?... Product placement and marketing at its finest, my friends, at the expense of countless young women’s sense of self worth. As the Father of a young girl… It disgusts me….. Now, men are experiencing this too, but the angle of attack is different. We are sold that we are Good Enough the Way We Are...but…butttt....we are inadequate, you see?. ...Go over to the health and fitness magazine section. We see lean and beefed out dudes to variant extremes, and that damn bow-flex guy. Professional Male Models that spend all day busting ass in a gym and/or bustin syringes in their ass cheeks, with professional dieticians constructing perfect meal plans down to the gram. Six-packs, rip pecks, rock like glutes, killer arms...Can you hear it?....Can you hear them calling to you from the darkness?....”buy products, buy products...BUY PRODUCTS”….buy, purchase, spend, charge shit like ab rockers, huge plastic jars of powder, fat ripper pills, get rip quick solutions and adipose tissue spot reduction fantasy machines... Look at the evolution of the G.I.Joe, early
action figures ( dolls for boys) where your basic strong men ideal, muscular but nothing to write home about, as the TV screens became a central role in our specie's daily life, replacing the fire pit and the fire place, the image changes to what I call ‘Rhino G. I. Joe’, huge arms, huge shoulders, a dramatic "V" shape created by back musculature, unrealistic waste circumferences, eight pack abs, and tree trunk thunder thighs. My education background is in Kinesiology (exercise science), I'm fairly informed on what it takes to coax the male body into a state of minimal body fat and hypertrophied muscle tissue (to be ripped up) what it takes to look like the actors in the film "300" is an intense muscle confusion training program in which traditional weight lifting and resistance machine use is minimal and exercises are hardly ever repeated twice, coupled with a Paleo diet of meat, leaves and berries. The male body reacts this way as a panic response, because the environmental inputs tell the body it's time to do major work and go to battle. This isn't reasonable or an easily obtainable goal for the modern man; this is a heavily influenced projected archetypal image, pushed on the streets to our sons like crack. It has been perpetrated upon women for decades, lets accept it is happening to us now too. Adonis: the Greek god of male beauty, What we see is a muscular male, some pudge in appropriate places, large muscular calves and thighs (the Greeks had a thing for legs). This was the ideal of that culture, in that society & at that time...and if you notice, the statue's representation of male genitalia is representative of the norm, which leads us now into the most uncomfortable part of this discussion...male enhancement...I've noticed that the Bow-flex commercials and the ‘enhancement in a pill’
commercials often run close to eachother, if not back to back, on late night television. Little boys & young men, especially since the dawn of the Internet, have had access to pornography. (Let's spare our judgments of right & wrong and discuss what "is")...cause these experiences happen to many modern men. This is where we got a lot of ideas, and where we took away some misguided notions. And while we are on the topic lets discuss porn for a moment. I don’t condone children having access to such material, but the state of reality is if a child can operate computer and navigate the internet, the world is at their fingertips, so keep track of what your kids are doing. That being made clear, ain't nothing sinful about it. It is consenting adults performing and watching. Married people watch it, dating people watch it and single people watch it, a lot of people watch it, like it or not, get over it. The first thing that came off the printing press was the Bible, the second was adult literature, now we have 90',3-D, LED screens with wi-fi, to keep up with progressing technology, film directors and producers found that they need the genitalia of their male actors to be 8' or larger to show up well on camera, for cinematic affect. No harm, no foul here, but we men took that personal, we internalized it, we lost sight of Reality… we looked down at our little buddy, we looked in the mirror at our average bodies and we felt...Shame, boats loads of shame, day after day.... and now we are sold false promises from a flickering screen of penis enlargement,
we painfully believe this is what women want from us, we from pre-pubescence where molded to feel as if we are inadequate and as a result, we buy sugar pills at gas stations, we shamefully call the numbers scrolling across the screens late at night in the woes of our self-loathing and insecurity to purchase the products that we faithfully believe will make us bigger, happier & more desirable to the women we so long for, the women we yearn for, the women we suffer to connect to, because we are lonely, ashamed and riddled with guilt over Who and What we are, Who and what we where born of a woman to this Earth to be…it’s heartbreaking, it's tragic, and it has to end. We are told, in the background, by that voice, that horse and raspy whisper echoing in the dark damp recesses of our collective male unconscious, that we are inadequate, our bodies are not hard enough, lean enough, our stomachs not rippled enough, our chest not pumped enough and our cocks...well…just not big enough. Men reading this know what I'm speaking to, it's not pleasant to bring up, it’s embarrassing, it’s uncomfortable, it's the elephant in the room that no one wants to acknowledge, I'm screaming at you now, from behind a keyboard, that this is a load of bullshit and a vicious & deliberate socially engineered destruction of the Male Self-Esteem. We take it out on ourselves and we take it out on our female counterparts and our offspring. We have no place to put our Aggression, our Rage, and our Pain that stems from this atrocity We are not permitted culturally to express our insecurity, admit our fears, acknowledge our weaknesses, and act in spite of them to demonstrate how courageous we can be, how courageous we truly can be. When in Reality, Men who find themselves whole, complete, aware & awake, these Men learn to love themselves for who and what they are, and most women don't care about what they physically
look like, what they have or what they are willing to trade paper monopoly money to give them. Stop falling for it! We are beating our heads up against the preverbal brink wall, competing to live up to an Unrealistic Idealized Media Influenced Body Image, that if it where true to Life, we men would mostly be the size of refrigerators, have donkey slongs and very very little brain tissue, like a Rhino. We must, as Men, real men, Men of Reality, we must reclaim and redefine every aspect of Manhood. No longer may we permit Advertising to inform us, no longer can we even allow women to inform us, we, I say it again, WE must individually redefine Masculinity to ourselves. We cannot reproduce ourselves, we cannot give Beautiful Life like our feminine counter-parts, we are mere DNA donors and Father figures to our children, and we are setting the table for our offspring… what will we serve them? We are capitulating to the will and demands imposed on us by our wife's, girlfriends, baby-mama's, and lovers who are also immersed in a media induced psychosis. Again, Women are not to blame for our behavior, so get over that real quick and in a hurry, don’t take the easy way out of this, Own the Responsibility, women have their own struggle for physical & mental liberation. The Women’s Liberation Movement has come a long way, leaps and bounds in a short timeframe, and there is still further to go and they will be fine without our help, cause we never really helped that much to begin with, we ought take a few notes really, cause we have a lot of internal work to do. We really need to work together, women & men together, as the Human Species This is call to Non-Action. Stop participating in, stop buying, stop watching, stop believing the lies presented to us. Real independent, self-secure and self-assured women do not want or have need for men in this current
condition, the ones that do, we do not want to reproduce with them, we do not want them to be the mothers of our precious children and we cannot stand ideally by while the Human Species passes these problems like a baton off to our offspring and continue this downward spiral. Accept yourself for who & what you are, Love yourself for who & what you are and only Love and Make Love with women who do the same for themselves. Let go of the shame of your desires, let loose the pain of the false sense of inadequacy, confess your insecurities, face the deepest darkest fears with trembling courage, bring it all to the surface, into the Light of your consciousness and drop the goddamn act. Because if we came together as united individuals, male and female, female and male or more simply as Humans, within a generation or two, the entire advertising & propaganda-industrial complex would be groveling at our feet begging for mercy, pleading with us to reconsider loathing ourselves one last time, gasping for breath, coughing up the life blood that has been vampirically siphoned from our collective Human Spirit since birth. Its last words will be mutterances & utterances of phrases meant to evoke feelings of shame and guilt, before it gargles & drowns in a frothy pool of its own vile evil misery. In the final violently ceasing moments, when the Parasite of Human Dignity lay in a gagging shutter of defeat…we, men and women, we Humans will stand upright once more, with no more pain, no more shame, no more guilt, no more burden, and kick dirt in its eyes, we will spit in its face, we will piss upon its grave and we will move on to a brighter, fuller, healthier tomorrow for ourselves and our children. Then we Men may return to our Natural State of Manhood: whole, balanced, expressive, productive, creative, truly free and epically badass. Then we will Know how easy it is to Love & Adore the Human Women of this Edenistic Planet purely for who
and what they are. Then…we Men, we Brave, we Mighty, we Courageous, we Fragile, we Beautiful Men, will Know what it is to be Loved & Adored for who and what we are, no questions asked, no purse strings attached. No reason other than that….we are Men. To My Brothers Born of Earth, Get some.
I really can’t stand that Bowflex guy….
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