Jackie Andersen Mrs. McIntosh Speech block 3 January 13, 2009 I am internally hyperactive, a chaotic fountain of energy.

Being a major introvert, my energy comes from my emotions. If I did not channel the energy and kept it inside me, I would probably be a very disagreeable person. Instead I channel it into everything I do, using it to keep going even if my body wants to crash to the earth and sleep. I expect a lot from my teacher, as I aspire to become a lawyer and move on to become a JAG. To do so I’ll need the ability to be able to get up in front of people without feeling like I’m going to have to stab myself just to get through the ordeal. But I expect truly a lot more from myself than from any other person. There never was a single day or instance that I became this way. Time changes all things but music shaped most of who I am. My imagination did the rest. I realized about the seventh grade that more than anything else, music made me happy. I did not want to be the one who made the music; I don't have the patience to sit down long enough to learn. But if anything can affect me so much, it would be music. It's as living as the people who make it. In a way, I'm addicted to it. If I am quiet on the outside, on the inside my mind is raging out of control with music lyrics and tones occupying my thoughts, feeding my energy to some internal source linked to my brain and my imagination. If I am loud, insane, unable to sit still or just start bouncing around, that's the sounds breaking through, making me an eternally cheerful person. The energy flows out of me in waves, sometimes I can't stop myself from jumping up and down, or doing some random movement of my hands to convey what I'm feeling.

At home, I have a war raging on. When I'm at home alone and I know I won't bother anyone I have a kind of tendency to bounce around in the computer chair, always listening to music while I play World of Warcraft. It's PVP (player versus player) for the brain, the Horde and the Alliance vying for the top number of honorable kills, killing blows, and ultimately the win. I am for the Horde the whole way. I do remember the day I realized how competitive I am. It was when my undead rogue hit level fifty-one and I was finally able to enter Alterac Valley. I had never had much fun in Warsong Gulch, capturing flags, or in Arathi Basin, camping the flags in order to score the two thousand points needed to win. I lost the first battle I played in Alterac, but I didn't mind losing the first time, my mind went blank with wonder and a burning need to be at the top of the killing blows list exploded and I went after that goal with a literal bloody vengeance. I have been at the top more times than I can count, out of a maximum total of eighty people in one battle and more than three years experience. I do not always feel hyperactive, I cry easily under stress or pressure, and some days I feel downright numb, just don't mistake me for being weak. I used to hang out with two really great people who unfortunately are no longer with the living. Theo was certifiably mentally insane; we called him Sin because he had an avid love for anything dark, gothic, or otherwise evil. But he wasn't evil himself, he taught me how to fight, to have self confidence, and to laugh at myself often for the mistakes I've made in life. Then there was Jezebel, the ever optimistic chick who would nock me off my feet and just make me feel happy no matter what mood I showed up in. She taught me to grab the dreams I have for my future and to hold on to them, even if my hands were burning and the world was going to implode. If you think you could handle being around me when I get insane, just give me something with a good amount of sugar. I turn into a ticking time bomb, counting down to when all the

energy that's gathered inside my body will force its way out of me. Like the lyrics to a song I love "A boundless hyper energy will smash into your brain, there is no chance for you to stop the force you can't restrain."(Play to kill by Primal Fear) During a hyper spell, I'm usually very insane and twisted, somehow scary, yet still so like the little kid I used to be. It’s actually very hard for me to focus and form coherent thoughts, much less sit down. The only things going through my head are some form of music, and the occasional completely random thought or idea that has nothing to do at all with what's going on inside my head or around my body. For example I have had thoughts like "I wonder if eyeballs bounce" or "If you poked someone's brain would they feel it?" And if left undisturbed for hours in this condition I will hold a verbal conversation out loud with myself on a wide range of topics, the usual one being the different forms of torture and how when, and why they were used, for hours on end. But underneath it all I'm just a girl, a tiny person with unimaginable hyperactive energy, a twisted sense of fun, and a music addiction. I live in a near constant state of hyperactivity, be it mental or physical. I can't imagine not being who I am, and I often wonder if some people would be here if they weren't who they are today. People go through so much in their lives. If I wasn't able to shrug off the bad things in life and find the energy to keep going, would I even be alive? I would like to think so; I have found for myself things that make me happy. Through reading, drawing, playing world of warcraft for the battles and the competitiveness, and my favorite item in the whole world, my MP3 player, I feel as if the world could go insane and I would just be fine no matter what as long as I have that.

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