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Sci-Fi throwaway.

Sci-Fi throwaway.

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Published by Jakob Zaborowski
A horrible attempt at a science fiction / comedy piece I got writing and instantly decided never to continue. Just barely made it out of the way of the wraith of my delete button.
A horrible attempt at a science fiction / comedy piece I got writing and instantly decided never to continue. Just barely made it out of the way of the wraith of my delete button.

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Published by: Jakob Zaborowski on Nov 02, 2012
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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04/30/2015

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see the stars!" Cadet first class David D.

Monday looked up, his thinkings on the oddly square u niverse being halted by his idiotic captain, whom he reffered to as Captain Stup id in his mind. "What sir?" Was all he sighed back, looking down at the controls for the ship, a medium sized frigate for a massive government that he hardly knew the details o f due to dropping out of high school before his triyearly education on politics could end. Education was boring, though he did not realize the navy was even mor e so. David grasped his mug of cold coffee supplement and brought it to his mout h, the brown stain on the top of the console showing him where to set it back. "I mean the universe is wonderful and it is amazing that we are here and doing t hese things! Like flying into that worm hole while those rebel ships fly towards us!" David's head moved up, in a frown as he looked out the window. Then he saw it, t he giant purple tear in space and the dozen or so rag tag ships barring straight towards them, weapons sliding out of their silos on the side of their grey hull s. David let the mug fall to the ground as the liquid sprayed from his mouth, hi s wheeled chair sliding backwards and then falling to the ground as he attempted to scramble out of it and failed. The captain stood right above him and shook his head, his eyes not showing behin d his tinted gas mask as he stared down at David, who was groaning on the cold m etal floor. "Goodness Monday, you have to be less incompetent, more like..." the captain loo ked up and planted his foot on a step in the bridge, scrunching his hands into f ists and looking dramatically in the air. One of the rebel ships fired and even though they were too far away to hit, they miraculously scored a hit on the ship s broadside. The lights flicked out besides one, which beamed right into the cap tain, giving him an angellic look to Davids confusion. "More like me... did I ever tell you the story of my life Monday?" David groaned again as he heard the ships alarms begin to blare and the lights flickered back on. Slowly getting on his feet while the captain began his story, David stumble d to his console. "So I was born on the distant, far off hell hole known as New York, a small town on earth..." David looked at the console that contained all the controls to the ship, the ent ire thing was soaked in brown liquid and sparks flew out of the status screens. "... and when I was three, my uncle told me to drop my pan..." David began smashing his fists on the console, thinking to himself "WHY ARE THE FLASHY BUTTONS NOT FLASHING, THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE FLASHING" He looked back up, the rebel ships were getting very close, and the Centaurus, t he ship he was currently on, maintained its course straight into the worm hole. "... so then when my mother said, "captain! I want you to go stab that guy" I sa id, "well dear mother I think that guy should be shot instead" and then I shot h im..." David screamed as he realized the console was broken, and even if it was not he did not know how to fly a ship. The federation was desperate for men and just th

rew him into the job. He began sprinting around the bridge, throwing open drawer s and cabinets trying to find a "How to fly a federation frigate while everythin g is trying to kill you for dummies" book. "... and then after I finished planting the sugar bomb, the terrorists came and said "VENEZ A MOI FRERE" what a silly peop-" David grabbed the captain by the coat and shouted at him in a panicked voice tha t sounded like it came from a six year old, "DO YOU REALLY THINK THIS IS THE RIGHT TIME." "I think every time is the right time for adventure! Oh and the rebels are board ing you might want to deal with that, so where was I before I was rudely interru pted? Oh right..." David's eyes widened as he looked at the window, rebel boarding craft were slamm ing into the side of the ship, their main frigates flying around the Centaurus. David ran around, now looking for a rifle and the knowledge of how to operate on e, the background noises of the alarms and the captains idiotic ramblings doing nothing but to make him panick more. David looked around and found the captains lunch box, an ancient piece of tin wi th an odd white animal that had a pink bow tie on one ear. He picked it up and l ooked around, waiting for something to happen as the worm hole got larger in the window. He prayed to every messiah he could think of and then briefly began to wonder what would kill him first before the door slid open. An armed man strolled in, a rifle in his hand. Two others began to walk behind h im when David pegged his lunch box at the leader. The tin canister smashed again st the mans mask, he stumbled back and fell into the arms of the two others, scr eaming obscinities. While they were preoccupied, David dived for the door and sl ammed the lock button, the slabs of metal slamming shut, suddenly being followed by the soldiers banging on the door in a vein attempt of getting in. "... and that is when I decided that being a professional wrestler was boring, a nd I joined the navy! When all of a sudden- David deal with the worm hole we are about to fly into... so yeah suddenly..." David looked back to the window, the worm hole was far too close, there was no w ay he could do anything to it now. Tears left his eyes as the banging, the alarm s and his insane captain all seemed to fuse into one, his vision stretching as t he ship tore into un explored territory. David screamed as they went into a blin ding white light, he heard the same from behind the door, from the captain he on ly heard one word. "ADDVENNTTURREEEEEE!"

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