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What to Expect When Adopting

What to Expect When Adopting

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Published by Hyperink
ABOUT THE BOOK

People choose to adopt a child for many different reasons. Whether you are unable to have biological children, or you want to add to the family that you already have, adoption can be an extremely rewarding experience. There are many factors to consider when you are deciding whether adoption is right for you. It is important to first examine your financial resources, your career path and your personal relationships before you choose to adopt a child. Adopting a child is one of the most generous things that you can do, but it is a process that also comes with many challenges and frustrations.

If youve assessed your situation and decided to pursue an adoption, there are several different paths that you can take. You can use a qualified adoption agency in the United States to adopt a child. You may also want to consider options such as foster care adoptions, or conducting an independent adoption with the help of an attorney. International adoptions also provide a range of possibilities for prospective adoptive parents. It is vital that before you begin your journey with adoption, you understand the risks and benefits associated with the different types of adoptions before you decide the path that is best for your family.

Adopting a child can be a long and expensive process that can also have serious emotional and psychological implications. Above all else, adopting a child is about giving love and opportunity to a child in need. Be sure to talk to all of the members of your family before deciding on adoption in order to understand any fears or concerns they may have about the process. The process of adopting a child can be frustrating, so it is important to learn as much as possible before you embark on this journey.
ABOUT THE BOOK

People choose to adopt a child for many different reasons. Whether you are unable to have biological children, or you want to add to the family that you already have, adoption can be an extremely rewarding experience. There are many factors to consider when you are deciding whether adoption is right for you. It is important to first examine your financial resources, your career path and your personal relationships before you choose to adopt a child. Adopting a child is one of the most generous things that you can do, but it is a process that also comes with many challenges and frustrations.

If youve assessed your situation and decided to pursue an adoption, there are several different paths that you can take. You can use a qualified adoption agency in the United States to adopt a child. You may also want to consider options such as foster care adoptions, or conducting an independent adoption with the help of an attorney. International adoptions also provide a range of possibilities for prospective adoptive parents. It is vital that before you begin your journey with adoption, you understand the risks and benefits associated with the different types of adoptions before you decide the path that is best for your family.

Adopting a child can be a long and expensive process that can also have serious emotional and psychological implications. Above all else, adopting a child is about giving love and opportunity to a child in need. Be sure to talk to all of the members of your family before deciding on adoption in order to understand any fears or concerns they may have about the process. The process of adopting a child can be frustrating, so it is important to learn as much as possible before you embark on this journey.

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I.

Modern Lifestyles: What to Expect
When Adopting
Introduction
Types of Adoptions
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Tips and Tricks
Conclusion
Sources and Additional Reading
Table of Contents
Modern Lifestyles: What to Expect When
Modern Lifestyles: What to Expect When
Modern Lifestyles: What to Expect When
Adopting
Adopting
Adopting
By Steven N.
By Steven N.
By Steven N. Table of Contents
Table of Contents
Table of Contents
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I.
Modern Lifestyles:
What to Expect When
Adopting
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People choose to adopt a child for many different reasons. Whether you are unable to
have biological children, or you want to add to the family that you already have, adoption
can be an extremely rewarding experience. There are many factors to consider when
you are deciding whether adoption is right for you. It is important to first examine your
financial resources, your career path and your personal relationships before you choose
to adopt a child. Adopting a child is one of the most generous things that you can do, but
it is a process that also comes with many challenges and frustrations.
If you’ve assessed your situation and decided to pursue an adoption, there are several
different paths that you can take. You can use a qualified adoption agency in the United
States to adopt a child. You may also want to consider options such as foster care
adoptions, or conducting an independent adoption with the help of an attorney.
International adoptions also provide a range of possibilities for prospective adoptive
parents. It is vital that before you begin your journey with adoption, you understand the
risks and benefits associated with the different types of adoptions before you decide the
path that is best for your family.
Adopting a child can be a long and expensive process that can also have serious
emotional and psychological implications. Above all else, adopting a child is about giving
love and opportunity to a child in need. Be sure to talk to all of the members of your
family before deciding on adoption in order to understand any fears or concerns they
may have about the process. The process of adopting a child can be frustrating, so it is
important to learn as much as possible before you embark on this journey.
Introduction
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Once you have discussed adoption with your family and have decided that it is something
you would like to pursue, the first step is to decide what kind of adoption you would like to
have. There are four main paths you can take.
1. Adoption Agencies
If you are interested in adopting an infant born in the United States, you may choose to
go to an adoption agency. If you go this route, it is important to first do a lot of research
and choose an agency carefully. The adoption process now is quite different than it was
decades ago; there is a modern trend toward "open" adoptions, in which the perspective
adoptive parents meet with the birth parents before the child is born. The adoptive
parents and biological parents decide together how much contact the child will have with
the biological parents.
Because adoption plans are so much more flexible than they once were, both the birth
parents and the adoptive parents have a lot of say in what kind of adoption plan they
would like to have. By definition, an open adoption means that the child has the option of
developing a relationship with his or her birth family. However, there are varying degrees
of openness that should be defined. In her article, "What is Open Adoption?" Brenda
Romanchik writes, "Many adoptive professionals encourage prospective birth parents and
adoptive parents in the pre-placement process to choose the level of contact 'they are
most comfortable with having.' The philosophy of comfort does not take into
consideration several very important factors, one being that open adoption should not be
based on making the adults involved comfortable; rather, it should be about providing for
the needs of the child."
In the article, "How To Choose An Adoption Agency (Hint: It's Not Eeny, Meeny, Miney,
Moe)" it is recommended that when choosing an adoption agency, you use a three-step
process. "The first step is done mostly online and is designed to help you winnow down
your choices to a select few. In the second step you narrow you choices even more by
interviewing each agency. The third step is the all important background check to confirm
Types of Adoptions
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your selection." Be sure to look at as many agencies as you need to in the beginning of
the process, because their are lots of good adoption agencies but not every one is right
for your particular situation.
The adoption agency you choose will determine how your adoption process progresses,
so be careful to make the right decision. Have a list of questions already prepared so that
you can interview each agency. Two important questions to ask include,
How many children did you place last year?
What is the total cost of adopting through your program?
2. Private Adoptions
Another option that you may want to consider is a private adoption. In a private adoption
the adoptive parents may already know of a child that is available, or they may send out
resumes to obstetricians and lawyers or even advertise in a newspaper. The laws
concerning private adoption are different in each state, so it is vital to hire a good lawyer
who can advise you about how to proceed in your state and be your legal representative
in the process. Private or independent adoptions are legal in all states except Colorado,
Connecticut, Delaware, and Massachusetts.
One of the benefits of a private adoption is that the child goes from its biological parents
directly to the adoptive parents with no bureaucracy in between. Attorney Mark T.
McDermott writes, "In this country at least as many newborns are placed each year
through independent adoption as through agency adoption. While it is difficult to say why
birth parents might prefer independent adoption, they do report some reasons
consistently, including: a perception that agencies are bureaucratic; a desire to play an
active role in selection of the adoptive parents; and a desire for the child to go directly
into the physical custody of the adoptive parents rather than into temporary foster care."
It is important to recognize that there are differences in cost associated with different
types of adoption. For instance, Adoption.org advises, "Private adoption is far more
expensive than those handled with a public agency, through the state. Private agency
fees range anywhere between $2,500 to over $30,000. If a couple is pinching pennies, a
private adoption may not be the best option available to them." If you decide to move
forward with a private adoption, remember that if you require your lawyer to find a child
for you, the costs or the adoption will increase.
3. International Adoptions
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In recent years, many American couples have had great success with international
adoptions. In some countries, the waiting period to adopt is shorter than it is in the United
States, so some parents choose this option in order to bring a child home sooner.
However, an international adoption can be costly, dangerous and confusing so it is
important to get expert advice if you choose to adopt internationally.
In an international adoption, the first step is to choose a reputable international adoption
agency that is based in the United States. The agency will handle the paperwork and legal
requirements for you during the process. The agency will also work with the other
country's adoption agency, either a governmental or private agency, to coordinate the
adoption. In most cases, the adoptive parents are required to travel to the child's home
country in order to pick them up when the adoption is completed.
On the Adoption Associates website, there are some touching stories from parents who
have had wonderful international adoption experiences. One couple, John and Kate, who
adopted a baby from Russia, admit in their story that, initially, they did not consider an
international adoption. "'We started out domestic, until we went to an adoption
introductory meeting,' he says. 'AAI's director of the Russian program was there, and we
told her we wanted domestic. She opened our eyes to the idea, and after a few weeks, it
was settled.' A few of the previously unknown characteristics of international adoption
were what drew him in, adds John. 'International adoptions typically have more structure,
and I'm an engineer, so I like order! And for me, the process was smoother.'"
There are special challenges that come with international adoption. For example, many
children who live abroad have spent time in an orphanage, and may have problems such
as undernourishment, emotional problems or developmental delays. It is also important
for the adoptive family to be aware that having a child from another country will require
some cultural sensitivity. In fact, the adoptive family might need to become a trans-racial
or cross-cultural family in order to accommodate the new member. Adopting
internationally can be both a challenge and a joy, and it is vital to weigh the benefits
against the risks before you decide on this option.
4. Adopting Through the Foster Care System
Another type of adoption that works well for adoptive parents who are seeking an older
child, is the Foster Care System. On average, the children waiting to be adopted from
foster care are eight years old. State agencies handle adoptions directly through Foster
Care. You can start by being a foster parent first, and then choose to adopt if the birth
parents' rights are terminated. You also have the option of directly adopting a child in
Foster Care without first taking them in as a foster child.
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According to AdoptiveFamilies.com, "Things are different now in the child welfare system
– and that's good news for both kids and parents. 'It used to be that you had to be a
foster parent first in order to adopt, but that's changed, ' says Rita Soronen, executive
director for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. 'People can now state upfront
that they want to be considered for adoption only." That makes for a quicker process,
with fewer broken hearts along the way.'"
The main goal of the Foster Care system is to return children to their biological parents
whenever possible. However, approximately thirty percent of the children in Foster Care
are not able to return to their homes, and these children need to be adopted. Currently,
of the 425,000 children in foster care in the United States, about 115,000 of them are
eligible for adoption.
For some prospective parents, being a foster parent before adopting a child can be very
beneficial, as it was for Sarah Gerstenzang and her family. The Gerstenzangs "originally
set out to foster-parent the five-week-old baby who came to live with them. After nearly
two years of attempted rehabilitation of the birth mother, parental rights were
terminated. It was clear that the best place for the baby was with Gerstenzang and her
family, and they adopted her." Whether you choose to become a foster parent first, or to
adopt immediately, remember that caring for older children comes with its own set of
challenges and rewards that you must be emotionally prepared for.
There are some parts of the process that are the same no matter what adoption process
you choose. Once you have started the process of adopting a child, you will need to
complete what is known as a home study. During a home study, the environment of the
adoptive parents' house is evaluated. Each state has different requirements about how a
home study is conducted, but generally it involves at least one visit from a licensed social
worker. The adoptive parents may also be required to attend some educational classes
with some other adoptive families. Home studies always require each member of the
adoptive family to undergo a physical examination and a background check on each
member of the adoptive family.
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Don’t associate with an agency that doesn’t focus on the birth parents. It is
important to choose an adoption agency that has a history of reaching out to expectant
mothers with unplanned pregnancies. Many commercial adoption agencies make the
mistake of only marketing themselves to adoptive parents, and not birth parents. The
birth parents need to feel comfortable with the agency in order to offer their children for
adoption. When you are interviewing an agency, be sure to ask about their history of
placements and how they reach out to expectant mothers. If you can find an agency that
does a good job of focusing on the birth parents, then you will have a better chance of
finding the right adoption situation for you.
Don’t neglect to tell your child he or she was adopted. When you adopt an infant
or a small child, it can be tempting to not tell the child about the adoption since they
cannot remember what happened. In the old days of closed adoptions, agencies
instructed parents not to tell their children that they were adopted. This led to many
adults experiencing the trauma of finding out that the people they always regarded as
their birth parents were, in fact, their adoptive parents. The world of adoptions has
changed dramatically since that time, and in this more open world of adoptions it is
important to be honest with your child.
In the article, "Explaining Adoption to Your Child," adoption expert and psychologist David
Brodzinsky is quoted as saying, "In the preschool years, when most adoptive couples
begin to disclose adoption information to their children, there is little evidence of any
immediate, adverse reaction to the information. In fact, young adopted children often
have a very positive view of adoption…First they generally are told about being adopted
in the context of a warm, loving, and protective family environment. Thus, the emotional
climate surrounding the telling process is one which fosters acceptance and positive self-
regard." As long as you are always open and honest with your adopted child you will avoid
any negative feelings about the adoption process.
Don’t forget to spend time in counseling prior to the adoption. The best way to
make an informed decision and to move forward in an adoption plan is to listen to
Common Mistakes to Avoid
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make an informed decision and to move forward in an adoption plan is to listen to
experts who understand the emotions that will come up during the process. It can be
difficult to focus on your own feelings when there is so much to take care of during the
adoption process, but it is vital to examine your emotions so that you are fully prepared
for the arrival of your child.
Don’t hold back with the birth parents. If you meet with the birth parents, it is often
helpful to talk openly with them; whether the adoption is "open" or not, they will play a
large role in the child's future. Many adoptive parents make the mistake of simply
wanting to take the child home with little thought to the birth parents. Remember that
these people are granting you an amazing gift, and that although it may be the right thing
to do, it is still very hard on them. Be sure to respect the feelings of the birth mother and
give her the time she needs to relinquish the child.
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Many people assume that they are not eligible to adopt a child because of their age or
health, or their marital status. The truth is, there are adoptions available to everyone if
you know where to look. Adoptive parents do not need to have a high income or even
need to own a home, just as long as they can prove they can care for a child. The home
study each adoptive family undergoes is a way for the agency to determine if the
environment is a good one for an adopted child. When you are undergoing a home study,
make sure to be honest about your particular situation.
These days, more single people are adopting children than ever before. As long as
you have a stable home life, you can adopt. Some states allow same-sex couples to adopt
children, and many states do not have specific age requirements for those who wish to
adopt. The requirements for adopting can vary from agency to agency, so you can shop
through agencies to find one that will work with your particular situation. For example, if
an older, married couple wanted to adopt, they will probably use a different adoption
agency than a young, single female who is searching for a child.
One great tip for speeding up the adoption process is to be open to a range of
children in different situations who need to be adopted. In the United States, most
couples specifically ask to adopt a Caucasian infant, and there are only a small number of
these particular children placed through adoptions. However, there are many minority
children and children with special medical needs who languish for years in the Foster
Care system. If you think that your family would be a good fit for an older child, an
African-American or Hispanic child, or a special-needs child, be sure to let the agency you
are working with know. Although adopting an older child comes with its own set of
frustrations, it can be a wonderful experience. However, it is also very important that you
are honest, as an adoptive parent, about what you can handle. If you aren’t sure you’ll be
able to handle a special-needs child, or a child of a different ethnicity, be sure to make
this clear early in the process.
Finally, continue to seek support even after your adoption has been finalized.
Parents know that they need help in order to adopt, but they are sometimes unaware
Tips and Tricks
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Parents know that they need help in order to adopt, but they are sometimes unaware
that there is also support available to them post-adoption. A good support system starts
at home, so be sure to surround yourself and your new child with friends and family who
are supportive of the adoption. You also may want to find an adoptive parent support
group in your area. Having other people to talk to who fully understand the frustrations
and challenges of adoption can make an enormous difference in your life. After your
adoption is finalized, it is important to try and settle into a daily routine. This will help
alleviate stress for both the child and the adoptive parents.
Some adoptive parents report experiencing Post-Adoption Depression. This is a
normal feeling that can be quite serious if it is left untreated. If you or your spouse seems
to be experiencing Post-Adoption Depression, do not hesitate to speak to a licensed
psychologist. Therapy can be helpful for the entire family. If you feel that you need help
at any time, be sure to make an appointment with a family counselor. It is particularly
helpful if you can find a therapist who specializes in adoption.
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Adoption can seem like a daunting process. Often the paperwork and time associated
with adoption can make potential parents feel like they will never get their child.
Remember to have faith during the process; if you are working with a reputable agency
or attorney, you will be able to adopt a child. Never lose sight of the fact that adoption is
about love and generosity, and requires a measure of patience and understanding on the
part of both the birth parents and the adoptive parents.
Adoption is not a single event but rather, a lifetime commitment. Although it is tempting
to rush through the process, adoption should be handled slowly, so that there are no
regrets later. Raising a family is difficult, whether you are an adoptive parent or a birth
parent, so please remember there is expert help available if you need it. Above all else,
good luck on your adoption journey. It may be the most rewarding journey of your life.
Conclusion
Modern Lifestyles: What to Expect When
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Open Adoption Insight, "What is Open Adoption?"
Creating a Family, "How To Choose An Adoption Agency (Hint: It's Not Eeny, Meeny,
Miney, Moe)"
The Adoption Guide, "Independent Adoption"
Adoption. "Private Adoption"
Adoption Associates, "John and Kate"
Adoptive Families, "A Child to Love"
Adoption.com, "Explaining Adoption to Your Child"
Baby Zone, "Cross-Cultural Adoption: The Do's and Don'ts for Grown-Ups"
Adoption.com, "How to Make the Wait for Your Child Easier to Bear"
Baby Zone, "International Adoption and Related Healthcare Issues"
Adoptive Families, "Intercountry Adoption – Talking Truthfully About Trafficking"
Journal and Courier, "Parents adopt kids of other races, integrate culture into family"
Sources and Additional Reading
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Modern Lifestyles: What to Expect When
Modern Lifestyles: What to Expect When
Modern Lifestyles: What to Expect When
Adopting
Adopting
Adopting
By Steven N.
By Steven N.
By Steven N. Other Awesome Books
Other Awesome Books
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Hyperink
Hyperink
Hyperink
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