O man I’m banking my entire life on karma right now. Sad. And I’m not even Bhudist.

Real Fucking Sad. I’m a good guy, smart, polite, respectable. I go over and over it in my head, how on earth could it have ever possibly come close to such a situation. Maybe it was my girlfriend who was secretly a drug dealer, or her psycho ex that escaped from prison, or my boss who I swear could have only been brought to this earth as a cruel joke to humanity. Or maybe it’s because my entire life I have been a fucking huge asshole magnet. Somehow everybody who is anybody in my life either never fails to disappoint or finds a brand new way to fuck me. I know how I sound, a real scrooge of a character, somebody who gets along with nobody, but a life time of misfortune and disappointment can do that to someone. Here I am thousands of miles away in an unknown city in a room with two dead bodies. Over the past few weeks I have been beat, electrocuted, drugged, run over, and shot. Somehow I’m still alive grasping to the very last of my consciousness. I was born into the wrong life, my moral compass always pointed the wrong way at the wrong time. If I grew up in a rich family things probably would have gone a different direction. But it didn’t. I have had a shitty life, but it was my life and I wasn’t’ ready to give it up just yet. As I lie collapsed on the floor, breath getting short, and the darkness starts to engulf my vision I feel a faint moistness on my cheek. I can’t even lift up my hands but I look down and spot that one drop on my shirt that is just a slightly darker shade of grey. Am I crying? I haven’t cried in over 15 years, I promised myself I wouldn’t. I also promised myself I would do something with my life, looks like its break promises to yourself day. Sad day. As my consciousness abandons me I only have enough strength to ask what ever higher being out there , “Why?”

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