edition 3, 2010

student ‘poverty‘ be James Bond at work 15 months hostage: Nigel Brennan

attraction: it’s evolutionary

PLUS: cassette kids, oscar sexism, gold digging, sport misdemeanours, nuclear love, eating in vs eating out or return it to The ACCESS Desk.MICHAEL KIRBY PLAIN SPEAKING COMPETITION YOUR GIFT OF THE GAB COULD WIN YOU $1. ed. 3 / THE BULL Registrations close Friday 16th April . 28th & 29th April Two divisions available to enter: Open or English as a Second Language (ESL) Reading Room & Common Room.usuonline. Heats from 10am 27th.000 Think you’ve got the pubic speaking skills worthy of Michael Kirby? Well. download the Registration Form from usuonline. you need to register NOW for the Michael Kirby Plain Speaking Competition. Holme Building To and email it to kirby@usu. www. coooool! Page 20 Do we really need two Oscars? Page 28 Nigel Brennan talks about his 15 months as hostage in Somalia Regulars 3: News 4: Columns 7: Extra 8-9: What’s on 15: Interview: Mark Danner 24-25: Campus Chatter 31: Campus Profile: Conservatives 33: Travel 34: Sport 35: Food & Booze 36: Environment 37: Sci & Tech 38: Entertainment 40-41: Reviews 42: Mindgames 43: Humour 46: Caught on Campus SUBMIT YOURSELF TO THE BULL! Send in your THE BULL / ed. reviews. Design Carl Ahearn Publications Manager Chris Beaumont www. 3 .com The views in this publication are not necessarily the views of USU.usuonline. Ellie Scott. Alisha Contributors Anthony Faisandier. ideas.3 contents 10 15 16 18 20 Editors Bronwyn Cowell Nara “Raven” Dakota Patrick Effeney Daniel Swain Richard Warwick usubull2010@gmail. ravings and innappropriate racist manifestos to The Bull. The information contained within this edition of The Bull was correct at the time of printing. Michael Koziol. This publication is brought to you by the University of Sydney Union and The University of Sydney 28 33 34 Features Page 10 Rules of Attraction Page 16 Are students really poor? Page 18 How to be an office spy. Hamilton Hill. Alissa Nasti. Ellen Smith.. Alistair Stephenson. Lucasz Swiatek.. We’want it bad! 36 usubull2010@gmail. Rhys Latham.usuonline.

rather than as innovators or creators – a role the SRC President said belongs to students. Dr Spence said he had never made a comment about wanting to restrict consumption. rather than research. Dr Spence said the University felt compelled to step in because the USU was running a “loss-making” commercial operation and that the The VC answers questions from students concerned over the future of the University. No doubt everyone at Manning Bar that afternoon agreed. The VC described Sydney as an institution with a fierce devotion to academic excellence and the development of the including declining face-to-face learning time. (The VC noted. On stage.supra. ed. SUPRA and SU Sport. He said students “can come to the bar and consume as much alcohol as they want. Dr Spence also revealed his proposition for the funding of the Union and other campus organisations such as the SRC. Dr Spence also spoke of a desire to streamline the administrative structure of the University. under the ‘Events’ tab. However. ONLY WAITED 2 MINUTES FOR THE NOODLES TO BOIL The National Union of Students (NUS) held two major events on campuses across Australia at the end of March. as well as a preoccupation with putting ideas into action and engaging with the real world. which the Union have been doing well for 135 years”. the VC agreed with all the concerns raised. drink and retail outlets on campus from the USU . however as Elly pointed out it’s not particularly accessible. the turnout and diversity of concerns raised indicated a strong interest in the University’s future from the student body and the need for further. Ms Howse said University senior management should act as “facilitators” for the ongoing of the most contentious topics of the afternoon. or the criteria to decide on the distribution of funding was not mentioned however. as long as they don’t harm others”.usuonline. Elly Howse talked about how students actively advocate their interests in response to the Green Paper.4 USU NEWS GREEN PAPER FORUM SPECIAL VC TALKS ABOUT GREEN PAPER. but the sticking points are in the detail. meanwhile addressed the proposed University takeover of food. the VC did not give any practical indication what University control would entail. they’re less keen on changing the system. www. a college of arts and sciences) would help ameliorate these two problems. Union President Patrick Bateman. SUPRA President Nick Irving meanwhile expressed concern about the apparent lack of regard the Green Paper gave to postgraduate students gaining their degree by coursework. The VC. but was unable to give a firm reply. All students would do well to familiarise themselves with that detail and make their opinions and interests known. it’s a University and any publication outlining a broad vision will necessarily be a formidable volume). however the student representatives on stage were unable to engage in the discussion beyond their opening addresses. and the dearth of services for international students despite the higher price paid for courses. several students took the opportunity to question the VC on other aspects of the Green Paper. with only half and hour dedicated to questions from the floor. He said grouping academic structures within ‘colleges. sustainability measures on campus. 3 / THE BULL www. The VC said he believed money for the organisations should be allocated as a percentage of the teaching and learning budget of the University. which maps out the University’s direction for the next five years. the forum was perhaps too short.usyd. In reply. including how a University takeover would affect studentcontrol of the Union and also the rumours of the VC’s apparent desire to restrict alcohol on campus. Several students in the audience told the VC of their fear that a University takeover of the operations arm of the USU would undermine its independence and consequently cripple its ability to provide non-academic student services. The purpose of this carb-loaded activism was to get its attendees energised about the National Day of Action the following week. He also aired concerns about the proposal to lengthen the duration of a PhD. How large a percentage. Bateman questioned the motivations of the University and asked why “a serious institution like the University would want to run bars and food outlets. making statements and fielding questions were Vice-Chancellor Dr Michael Spence. all were directed to the Just before this edition of The Bull went to print. well attended Noodle Day.’ (for example. in his main address. hand on heart” in favour of ensuring student activities and programs are entirely student-run. Union President Patrick Bateman. Students can access a summary produced by SUPRA on their website. At the University of Sydney 700 students queued along the front lawns to get a steaming cup of noodles. SRC President Elly Howse and Sydney University Postgraduate Representative Association (SUPRA) President Nick Irving. There were further questions relating to the USU’s future. Understandably. talked about the administrative duplication occurring within the University and the way that both excessively strict (Science) and excessively loose (Arts) degree structures leave students with reduced choice and insufficient training for the workplace. Beyond the issues concerning the Union. Questions from the floor were predictably concerned with ongoing issues at the University. The Green Paper is available on the University’s website. Again. more in-depth discussion. and then strongly dispelled the myth that his views were “puritan” when it came to alcohol. First came the well-publicised. He did mention that most of the issues raised were symptomatic of the aforementioned duplication in administration As an exercise in enlightenment and disambiguation. a very full Manning Bar played host to an interactive information session about the recently released University Green Paper. However. but had raised concerns over violent and demeaning behaviour that could result. It seems that while students are more than willing to chow down on free snacks. Dr Spence said he was “one hundred per . THE UNION AND FUTURE OF SYDNEY UNI quality of outlets was inadequate for the needs of the campus. but it was the University who rebuffed a joint-decision making partnership on the selection of tenants. USyd’s protest march peaked at 70 participants. Bateman then noted how the University and the Union had been in negotiation for some time on the issue of retail and catering control.

the Vice Chancellor visited Manning Bar on the invitation of the USU. consider Parma. Also. literature. The Verge Gallery is open every week day between noon and 3pm: check it out. Patrick. especially So You Think You Can Dance? [HOLY SHIT I LOVE THAT SHOW! .com and click on the ‘Get Involved’ tab. which states that the Uni wants to ‘shift responsibility for [USU] food and beverage and retail outlets to the University’. looks at the use of mirrors in art from the 1960s to now. To honour our collective attention drift. Taking away food and beverage from the USU will mean that these spaces will now be occupied by the University. The Bull loves publishing student work. Art. A highlight of the festival is the PALM awards – this year celebrating their 50th anniversary. Attraction is the name of the game. which otherwise offers some excellent proposals around these areas. and that the students will no longer have a say in how these spaces are run. shouldn’t the University be more concerned with making sure that the quality of teaching and learning is the best it can be? Shouldn’t they concentrate on class sizes. and there’s a nice lull before the frenzy of Stuvac. USU O I www. It sucks. Anyway. For you keen students still attending lectures. The less interesting ones watched TV. Here at the Union. and music. Some works have been controversial – the tank made of filing cabinets. I’m dubious that the University’s proposal is motivated by a bona fide desire to make the food on campus better. we just want more time with our groupies. Verge has brought an incredible eight shows to the University community – the majority of which have been not just student focused. Mirror Mirror closes on May 1. many of whom are keen to return to their artistic roots. crawled through mud. Bron. and the winners receive all the sex they can manhandle… and good immune systems or something like that. It was fantastic to see so many students (and staff) there armed with great questions for Dr Spence. Ann Stephens. had sex. none is devoted to the display of student works.usuonline. So far this semester. The boring students studied. but student developed and curated as well. Since August 2009. Raven. send submissions to usubull2010@gmail. so now’s the time to send in submissions.usuonline. and we’ll be thrilled to have a read and see if it fits the magazine. we share your concern. don’t go to Somalia. if you vote you’ll also get a $5 food voucher to use at any USU food outlet on the day. SRC and SUPRA to answer questions about the Green Paper (see News opposite page). All have been inspirational and have provided a student experience hitherto unavailable to students on this campus. did not go unnoticed (or unharmed – someone took a sledge hammer to it one weekend). In other news. but yeah. For more information go to www. curated by the University’s Senior Curator. went on holiday. it’d be nice if you did our work for us). Instead of leasing prime JFR/City Road real estate to a bank or shoe shop. The Bull is running its first four-page spread. we opened a student focused art gallery: The Verge Gallery. We will no longer be able to decide whether it’s a sandwich bar or whether it’s a student lounge. Anyway. After all. Send articles on any subject. which means everyone is losing interest in uni and turning to other sources of entertainment. And when we offered the University 50/50 inclusion in a joint decision making body for choosing It was particularly good to see that a lot of the questions focused on page 77 of the Green Paper.Raven]. PALM will see several thousands of dollars worth of prizes awarded for outstanding student works of Photography. and ensuring that their academic staff are well supported? This whole proposal seems at odds with the rest of the Green Paper. Oh well. there are already huge steps being made by us to ensure that food on campus is better: consider Azzurri. there’s an Election coming up on Wednesday 12 May. USU student programs n 2009 The Union chose to make a very bold statement. The editors are getting carpal tunnel syndrome from writing and need you to send in some stuff (ha ha. Midterms are over. and that’s why it exists. and caused old ladies to make noise complaints. You’ll also be able to vote on a referendum on Fair Trade coffee in USU outlets. for any section.5 W elcome to Edition THE BULL / ed. Reading your words with love. The Verge Gallery provides and outstanding opportunity for students to develop and deliver their artistic voices and messages. Coming soon is the Verge Arts Festival. We are nearing the end of semester 1. consider Taste Baguette. just ask Nigel Brennan. Currently Verge is showing an exciting and important exhibition that’s mounted in collaboration with Tin Sheds and The University Gallery. And if that’s not incentive enough.. its guns pointed at Student Admin. we’ve including a helpful guide to a possibly lucrative. stalked people. we were rebuffed. If you want to have a say in the direction of Australia’s oldest and biggest student union. student run Patrick Bateman President. Alistair Cowie Director Member Services. Mirror Mirror. the interesting students got drunk. where you will be choosing the next five Directors on the Union Board. 3 . whether it should be a common space or a student gallery. Students from the SCA are a particularly vital source of work with SCA dedicated exhibitions scheduled throughout the year. So lunch is on us! Keep student life. However opportunities abound for other student artists and also alumni. I urge you to vote. Daniel and Richard editor's note president's report n Wednesday 14 April. some people can’t be helped. this is your chance. shot guns. were arrested. For while the University has other excellent galleries and museums. We’re also interviewing the latest smug band to start getting airplay and examining the seedy truth behind student poverty and sexist Oscars. possibly illegal job: office snoop. Gallery manager Christine Morrow (formerly of the Museum of Contemporary Art) has a passion for the development of young artists.

Photography.Friday 13 August .Friday 28 May and CLOSE .usuonline. Art.usuonline. Literature and Music awards $ Register online NOW at www. 3 / THE BULL www.500 in cash to be won Applications OPEN .

The terminator wouldn’t stop. Word of mouth “Watching John with the machine. Who holds the record for the most points scored in an NRL game? A. Last edition. Who was the top wicket taker in the 2009 Ashes series? A. Luke Burt Q4. the Botany Lawns Wednesdays and Thursdays 12 – 2pm and 6:30 – 8:30pm on Wednesdays in Manning Square. anyone for donuts?” Trivia Sports Q1. The winner will be announced in the next edition. Who has won the most Laureus awards? A. Stuart Broad B. ??? Approximately 25. You can catch them on the Sunken lawns Mondays 12 – 2pm. Terry Campese D. Tom Carter Q2. Roger Federer D. a hoaxing question or conundrum. Tiger Woods Answers on page 42 Confabulate Unconsciously replace fact with fantasy in one’s memory. Jason Taylor C. or fire dancing. Tiger Woods. it was the sanest choice. C. Al Baxter C.7 extra Caption Last edition’s winner: Alex Giudice “Sew. Daniel Halagahu D. and other circus arts. Ben Hogan D. Send your caption suggestions and WIN a $50 Co-Op Bookshop voucher!! Put it towards your semester 2 text book purchase or select something from their product range at the Co-op Bookshop. Which golfer currently tops the list of PGA Tour wins? A. During this time. this thing. Stranger than Fiction? Did you know? ??? Roman Emperor Caligula was so upset by the death of his sister Drusila that he imposed a year of mourning. it was suddenly so clear. Andrew Flintoff C. Mitchell Johnson D. Serena Williams everyone in the empire was forbidden to dine with his family.000 workers died during the building of the Panama Canal.. was the only thing that measured up. Ben Hilfenhaus Q5. Use these for your next date! You were already going to fail anyway. Send to: Include your name and contact details. laugh or take a bath. It would never hurt him or shout at him or get drunk and hit him or say it was too busy to spend time with him. The Bull told you all about poi. 3 . And it would die to protect him. Did you know: Access Card holders can get 20% off Travel and selected Non-Fiction Titles. Darryl Halligan B. Cucking-stool An instrument of punishment consisting of a chair in which offenders were ducked in THE BULL / ed. it would never leave him. Michael Schumacher C.000 of them contracted malaria and yellow fever. Jack Nicklaus Q3. Carwichet A pun.” Sarah Connor. Of all the would-be fathers that came over the years. Terminator 2: Judgement Day www. Sam Snead B. this machine. www. and approximately 20. Adam Freier B. In an insane world. The penalty for transgression was death. We neglected to mention that poi is in fact run on campus! SURCAS run training in poi. Cacography Bad spelling or handwriting. Which NSW Waratah scored their first Super Rugby try in their 100th game recently? A.usuonline.

Wednesday 28 April 2010 Kirby Cup . BBQ Beats 1-2pm. Level 4. Project 52 Comedy 8-10pm. Korean language and Bible Study Class.8 what's on WEEKLY REGULARS Mondays The Wonderful World of the Internet 1-2pm. Sydney Uni Bushwalkers AGM 7-9pm.000 Pool Comp 4-6pm.000 IYF Culture Dance.4pm.Copenhagen and Earth Day . Korean Class and Bible Study 2pm . Merewether Please email ecosoc. a celebration of Spanish music. Holme Reading Room Guided group meditation. interesting or weird on the internet recently? WEEK 8 Tuesday 27 April 2010 Kirby Cup . Food Co-op Weekly Meeting 5-6pm.1st Heats 10am-4pm. Hermann’s Bar Trivia.000 Anime Screening 1-2pm. Manning Bar Balcony It’s the end of the week. Wentworth All are welcome. vicePresidents. Manning Nothing better than a chilled lunchtime acoustic set. Architecture LT3 Durarara. Wentworth Level 4 Annual General Meeting Thursdays Theatresports® 1-2pm. Manning Bar Well. Indonesian Student Association AGM 5-7pm. this time at Hermann’s. WEEK 9 Monday 3 May Meditation Session 12-1pm. Manning Balcony Burgers and music. what else were we suppose to call it? Culture Queens 1-2pm. Treasurer. com for further information. Sunset Jazz 5-7pm. This shouldn’t be too difficult to understand. Fridays Trivia 5-6pm. Holme Reading & Common Room Your gift of the gab could WIN you $1. Holme Common Room Come for a free dance. Tuesdays Tuesday Talks 1-2pm.Cronulla riots and Melbourne Indian attacks: Lessons learned 13 April . Manning Bar The best in student improv comedy. Or you could just go there for the food. ECOSOC General Meeting 5-6pm. Manning Balcony Relax on the Manning Balcony with a few friends to the sounds. SUSO presents ¡Olé! 8-10pm. Friday 30 April 2010 Sci Revue Fairy Bread Friday 10am – 12pm. Holme Common Room Discussion of feminist manifestos with Dr Natalya Lusty. Manning Bar Inspiration and innovation. Tuesday 4 May Kirby Cup . not complicated after all. Thursday 29 April 2010 Kirby Cup . grab something to eat or snatch up a bargain at the Sydney Uni Markets.1st Heats 10am-4pm.Has anything changed? Clubs & Societies Night Manning Bar Clubs and societies come out to shine.1st Heats 10am-4pm. SU Knitting Society AGM 4-5pm.1st Heats 10am-4pm.usuonline. Merewether Courtyard Election and re-election of executives. Wasabi AGM 5-7pm. Lecture Room 3. Meant to be together. The Loggia Manning A morning that you can fill with hundreds and thousands of writing ideas. Holme Reading & Common Room Your gift of the gab could WIN you $1. Manning Lawns Delicious all you can eat lunches. Weekend Warm-up 4-6pm. from members to anyone interested in knowing more! ed. The Great Hall The Sydney University Symphony Orchestra presents ¡Olé!. Trivia 5-6pm. JFR Plaza Have a browse. Beginners welcome! Tuesday Tunes 1-2pm. Manning Bar Get your cube on! Wednesdays Acoustic Session 1-2pm.usyd@gmail. Holme Reading & Common Room Your gift of the gab could WIN you $1. Secretary. Holme Reading & Common Room Your gift of the gab could WIN you $1.Stuff white people like 20 April . Manning Bar Trivia at Manning. International Student Lounge Show us your skills with a pool cue. Manning The Decks 4-6pm. Margaret Telfer. Gender Studies Lecturer. Hermann’s Bar The chips are down. Go and learn something. Rock Ya Balls Bingo 5-6pm.3pm. 3 / THE BULL www. Holme Reading Room Super slide night/ . Poker 5-7pm. and you should be getting ready. Hermann’s Bar Project 52 showcases the best of Sydney University’s comedy. Holme Building Re-elect the President.000 Clubs & Societies Party Night Hermann’s Bar Clubs and societies come out to shine. Vegetarian Society Lunches 12-2pm. Hermann’s Bar Live jazz brought to you by the very talented musicians. Anything from skits to voiceovers. Ground Floor Bar/ Manning Forecourt Beats at lunchtime! Sydney Uni Markets 11am . See.Representations of ethnicity and culture . $5 for members CubeSoc Weekly Socials 5-7pm. Manning Bar Found something funny. 30 March .

Games @ Manning! 2-4pm. Hermann’s Bar Hearty discussions on Political Economy. Manning Bar Starting the new year off with a bang including performances at Falls Festival. Manning Bar Get your cube on! Culture Queens 1-2pm. Holme Reading & Common Room Your gift of the gab could WIN you $1. Holme Reading Room Friday 21 May Soulxpress Workshops/ Jam Sessions 4-6pm.usuonline.000 Spanish Conversation Sessions 4-6pm. Into the Joy of Spring. Sutekh brings you Video games in the bar. DAN SULTAN 21 May 8pm. brass & percussion players are welcomed. a different console. Russoc: Philosophy. grab something to eat or snatch up a bargain at the Sydney Uni Markets. Engineering Lawns Delicious all you can eat lunches. Level 4. Tuesday 18 May Food Co-op Weekly Meeting 5-6pm. 4-6pm. grab something to eat or snatch up a bargain at the Sydney Uni Markets. Manning Bar The Russellian Society holds drinks every Tuesday for Sydney University Philosophers Anime Screening 1-2pm.1st Heats 10am-4pm.3pm. Holme Common Room Come along to the society’s annual general meeting to elect a new committee.3pm. KEEP UP TO DATE! To see the FULL list of events. a different console. GIGS. Holme The genetic/psychological/ scientific benefit to human beings believing in “Spirituality”. Australian Funk & Soul royalty The Bamboos are hitting the road again. Holme Reading Room Guided group meditation. Manning Bar The Russellian Society holds drinks every Tuesday for Sydney University Philosophers Renowned speakers (including monks. Manning Lawns Delicious all you can eat lunches. Wentworth Level 4 Friday: Mitch’s Breaking Friday 14 May Soulxpress Workshops/ Jam Sessions www. Speleological Society AGM 7:30 pm. JFR Plaza Have a browse. from members to anyone interested in knowing more! ECOPSoc Weekly Drinks 5-7pm.1st Heats 10am-4pm. Star Wars. Holme Common Room Interview with Jane Park. THE BULL / ed. Manning Are you looking forward to practicing your Spanish skills regardless of your level? This is the right place to come! WEEK 11 Monday 17 May Vegetarian Society Lunches 12-2pm. Tests and Summoned Creatures (Baka to test to Shokanjuu). Wentworth Level 4 Friday:Mitch’s Breaking Wednesday 5 May Kirby Cup . Tuesday 11 May Writing Workshop 10am-12pm. Old Darlington School All woodwind. Wentworth All are welcome. brass & percussion players are welcomed. Meditation Session 12-1pm. nuns and lay people) give talks on Buddhist topics and and click the ‘What’s On’ calendar. Manning Bar Dan Sultan continues to shine as the music industry takes a keen interest in the progress of this man and his band. Holme Common Room Come along to our regular writing workshops for the Education and Social Work Revue. Manning Bar Every week another game. and evolution 6. Culture Queens 1-2pm. 3 . Chemistry LT2 From Me to You (Kimi ni Todoke) + Random series. Carslaw LT375 The idiot. Womadelaide and headlining St Kilda Festival. Refectory. Thursday 20 May SUWO Weekly Rehearsal 5:30-8:30 pm. rightly. Days Like This!. Cultural Studies Lecturer.. Sydney Uni Markets 11am . $5 for members. Sutekh brings you Video games in the bar. CubeSoc Weekly Socials 5-7pm. Holme Reading & Common Room Your gift of the gab could WIN you $1. JFR Plaza Have a browse. $5 for members. If you’re a C&S Exec with an event you want to get out there fill out the online form by clicking the ‘Submit your Event’ button. THE BAMBOOS 7 May 8pm.8pm. Wicked and more! WEEK 10 Monday 10 May Dharma Talk 1-2pm. Holme Common Room St Trinians Thursday 13 May Vegetarian Society Lunches 12-2pm. Old Darlington School All woodwind. SUWO Weekly Rehearsal 5:30-8:30 pm. Beginners welcome! Games @ Manning! 2-4pm. Wentworth Level 4 Friday:Mitch’s Breaking Anime Screening 1-2pm.. or. Old Darlington School Repertoire to include Jupiter (Holst). Manning Bar Post-rock giants TORTOISE return to Australia this May their first appearance on our shores in over five (5) years. wrongly. TORTOISE 8 May 8pm. psychology.000 Wednesday 12 May USU ELECTION DAY Russoc Weekly Drinks 5-7pm. The Loggia. Wednesday 19 May Sydney Uni Markets 11am . jump onto www. Friday 7 May Soulxpress Workshops/ Jam Sessions 4-6pm. Manning Bar Every week another game. Thursday 6 May Kirby Cup . SUWO Weekly Rehearsal 5:30-8:30 pm.9 Russoc Weekly Drinks 5-7pm.

however. crystallise the things that you are looking for. The science of attraction is cutting edge stuff and intensely debated by the experts. however. retractable claws. 3 / THE BULL www. Peer reviewed work is even less common. ever increasing research in human endocrinology and biology that leads to some useful results. That’s not to say general principles haven’t been formulated. penises and vaginas. The slow perfection of a being over time has led to such developments as webbed feet. however. so to speak. it is near impossible. and perhaps on par with this are experiments with results that are statistically significant. opposable thumbs. Attraction has been the field of social psychologists for a while fish. but the accuracy and testability of these principles is often questionable. On a personal level attraction can seem completely arbitrary. It is therefore unlikely to solve one’s own problems when it comes to landing that elusive A ttraction and attractiveness seems at once a very certain and a very arbitrary phenomenon. as well as a plethora of psychology experiments. Each of us can name many individuals whom we find attractive. Dealing with prospective partners on an individual basis is easy and effective enough for average Joe and Jane to continue on their merry way. and much ink has been spilled over it. Evolutionary theory would dictate that people would be attracted to partners who would be effective in ed. now.usuonline. or just make you shake your head in disgust. Agreement among scholars. There is. however. When we attempt to use all of this information to create some kind of system of attractiveness. is not so common. without giving a second thought to having a systematised approach to wooing. EVOLUTION Many of the things that we see in the animal kingdom we attribute to . It may.10 THE RULES OF ATTRACTION Patrick Effeney wonders if there are any rules to the game that everyone can play. as well as make value judgements on the spot about the attractiveness of a complete stranger.

” WHR 0. rejection and even a few heart aches in her time. Large breasts are an outward indication to a male that the woman can provide adequate resources for the baby. that it is likely that female is not already pregnant with another man’s child. “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction” Substitute the bold with people and there’s Steve. Who is your ideal partner? Why? It’s a toss up between Joan Rivers. Ever been turned on by someone else’s body odour? Not their natural one! Have you ever found your partner’s immune system plays a part in your attraction? Mmm.. Jasper: The Opportunist. but there are some interesting points that he made along the way. “It is a waste of a male’s time to fertilise a woman who can’t provide for the young. Matt: Average Joe. MATERIALS* Jaz & Ray: Practically Married Sienna: Single gal. Each interviewee in their own way inclined that if heart break is on the cards then they wanted to experience that pain with someone who made it worth it. Finding clichés and Disney movies unrealistic. who’s faced lust. Whilst he claims to be ‘still in the search for the right girl’ he’s not one to ‘pass up an opportunity’ to come his way. She was so beautiful. Professor Richard Wassersug is a Sexologist currently visiting La Trobe University from Dalhousie University. Apparently it is attractive. Daisy plays the ‘game’ well and questions whether real love can exist between teenagers. Nonetheless. With her own share of heartaches Daisy advises: ‘basing one’s own happiness on the activity of another human being will prove [to be] futile and disappointing. but for a different reason. your average Sheila.7 is reportedly the ideal. just is. he’d rather ‘never experience love. girls were smitten by this perfect youth. passing on their genes. FEMALES Prof. in fact. Changes in gender roles have meant the attractiveness models of ‘the hunter’ and ‘the nurturer’ cannot necessarily be socially applied. Boys. heartache and break. love. dunno why. Steve: Prince Charming. men like big boobs. Breast size is another outward sign of fertility. and obviously looked past her reportedly large nose. A complete opposite of Cinderella. sex is not only for pleasure. each interviewee will harbour homogenous convictions to my own. Steve is the figure behind all romantic A HISTORY OF DREAMBOATS Most people know of the face that launched a thousand ships. snotty noses are hot. Agreeing with Lord Tennyson. ADONIS UNKNOWN This ancient beauty had her share of powerful men. My experiment left me to conclude that people will leave you surprised. HYPOTHESIS As someone who believes that each girl’s prince charming is really out there. This means. Ever wondered why virgins are and have been so valued? Virginal females are attractive to males because it shows they are not likely to have had kids. Surprised at the different views each person seemed to follow. *names have been changed to avoid the interviewer being stoned to death. Don’t judge a book by its cover. live life and have some fun. he holds his heart in a conventional box. Wassersug said that the underlying principle behind female attractiveness is how successful she will be in producing children. for the man.. [since his] dreams [would be] shattered if it was lost. he told me to quote his 1986 article ‘Fitness Fallacies’: “In our modern society. Ringo Starr and Amy Winehouse.. true to the character Hollywood writes. Wassersug. because when it’s opened the pages may read contrary to your expectations. This is rather bleak if we’re looking for sure-fire ways to score.” said Prof. Caesar and Marc Antony both succumbed to her charms. distinctly unlike the Macho male. Plain Jane Representing the majority of the female population is Sienna. he truly was the man of their dreams. With curiosity as my incentive I became a true reporter. and beauties such as Marilyn Monroe and Jessica Alba have been found to correspond with this figure. This explanation is only aimed at reconciling physical attractiveness with evolutionary reasoning. RESULTS The Player When Jasper meets a girl and attraction occurs. it’d be better experiencing it.’ or so he claims. For Jasper. Prof. evolutionarily. HELEN OF TROY Circa 1200 BC Across both Greece and Rome. I hypothesize that. rippling abs and curly locks. girls and basic biology were the three main topics of our conversation. ignoring the rules of personal space as I sought out diverse entities to be a part of my experiment. we feel various abstract emotions such as lust. the one must still be out there.’ Prince Charming The lineage of attraction continues as Newton’s third law of physics starts to become comprehensible to us non-nerds. But whether those experiences alter people completely or leave them unchanged is uncertain. his Alpha-Male image crumbles away as he admits: ‘with over 7 billion people in the world. Daisy is certainly not the type of girl to wear her heart on her sleeve.’ Cynical Realist Wth her copy of The Rules as her bible. she remains optimistic and has decided ‘not [to] seek out love and let it come to you. He’s our real–life. and whilst never having felt love. and outward signs of fertility are relatively easy to pinpoint. I found that regardless of the conflicting principles whether love was a sentiment better experienced. regardless of how modern his actions prove to be. comedy scripts. neither physical or fiscal fitness forecasts fecundity. W ARRAN Medicine. that even Orlando Bloom couldn’t resist. Daisy: Cynical Realist.” Translation: Neither being rich or being hot guarantees bedroom success. Many would say that youth would be an obvious indicator of fertility. After a long chat with Richard about what evolution offers us in terms of systematising attractiveness. the brink of love. The Waist-hip ratio has a big impact on males. are unwilling to provide resources for children that are not their own. she pities those girls who believe their knight in shining armour is yet to arrive and whisk them off their feet. Males. than going through life not knowing. Wassersug said that: “Women with the ideal waste-hip ratio are proven to be more fertile than those without it. Thus. there was a common thread. 1 Likes: Girls ith each relationship. no game-playing Prince Charming. This means that men are looking for the most fertile women.. Males are looking for females who will bear them healthy children.’ CONCLUSION With my romantic fantasy shattered. having realized that not everyone holds the same perspective when it comes to their heart my hypothesis was proven wrong. After all. intimacy becomes the focal point of his relationship with her. and there is a lot to be said for each. Although he’s found ‘the one. CLEOPATRA 69 BC . Alisha Bhojwani investigates.’ each word hinted with caution. despite differing experiences.IS IT REALLY BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST THEN NEVER TO HAVE LOVED AT ALL? Most attractive part of the human body? Why? Arse. Bulging muscles. In the meantime.

this meant that the most attractive males were the best hunters. The point is. funny. meaning there’s a long time before a child can protect itself. as this means the offspring will have a good immune system. if they do indeed exist. things have changed a little. testing is the problem. were given a set of sweaty t-shirts. Evolutionarily. and she will look elsewhere if she has to. as well as for protection. space between the eyes etc. Almost every other mammal on earth communicates via chemical signals. let’s say that a MHC is the part of the human genome that deals with our immune system. She also is reported to have had an incestuous relationship with her brother Caligula. kind. should be 1. Wassersug said: “if we take the evolutionary hunter and transpose it into modern society. and you become resistant to that disease. For this reason a female needs a committed male. making her de facto ruler of Rome.” Outward signs of this ability range from success in the workplace to physical factors. Some believe that a man’s armpit is what releases the pheromones and females can react either positively or negatively to that. another emperor. and that they chemically interact with one another. it makes sense for us to mate with the person with the MHC least like our own. You apply it to your eyelashes to make them grow thicker and longer. Modern women. a woman can determine what his immune system is like compared to her own. 1 Likes: Boys wealth. The importance now isn’t how many kangaroos a male can bring back. BIOLOGY Maybe you already knew all that. What more do we need to know? GIACOMO CASANOVA 1725 AD . What’s a major histocompatibility complex (MHC)? For simplicity’s sake. We do. Thus. Theories have been thrown around relating to a man’s ‘musk’ and its effect on women. There is also strong evidence that some links remain in humans. we see that what we mean by resources has changed. Prof. ideally. The future of beauty and attractiveness is unpredictable at best and terrifying at worst. The presence of pheromones in humans is a topic that has scientists a little bit miffed. the emperor Nero. Professor Wassersug had this to say on the topic of pheremones: “ We’ve known for a long time that mammals have a reproductive season. however. A modern woman also looks for conspicuous signs of FUTURE LOVE Alissa Nasti asks: where to from here? I think it was Jane Austen who wrote. which one customer on the site amusingly and worryingly describes as “like Viagra for my lashes!” of a negative pheromone system. it may also cause your eyes to melt and lashes to grow on your cheek bones. HENRY VIII OF ENGLAND 1491 AD His abilities are held in such high regard that “Casanova” has become the colloquial term for a womaniser. as it all seems fairly straightforward.” Or maybe that was Gandhi. I’ve come up with a few tentative predictions about how we’ll all be styling ourselves in decades to come. Who is your ideal partner? Why? My boyfriend – smart.” Big muscles can be attractive to women because of the traditional reason of hunting. Now. almost no study is conclusive. the poodle perms and mullets of the eighties didn’t exactly scream ‘class’. it leaves a chemical mark on you. EYELASH SHAVING Latisse is a serum that has recently been released in the US. Based on some recent and startling developments in the field of looking hot. realise that hunting is no longer just killing animals. know that we have a sort Most attractive part of the human body? Why? Smile. Ever been turned on by someone else’s body odour? No.” “There are also interesting connections between our smell and our immune systems. loves musicals. however. including LiLash. Ten thousand years ago. So. however. Perhaps living proof that looks aren’t everything. Evidence of this has been found and. “It’s a truth universally acknowledged that one decade’s hot is another one’s fugly. In hindsight. This has not been substantiated by any experiments. AGRIPPINA THE YOUNGER 15 AD This guy had six wives. however. Biology is a field of research that you may not be so familiar with.1 times the height of the female).” NB. on a string. though. After smelling the t-shirts. We find people with an immune system dissimilar to our own attractive because it would be beneficial for our offspring to have a greater resistance to more diseases. MALES Professor Wassersug explained that an evolutionarily attractive man is one that can bring home the most resources. because an attractive man is one who can provide her with both protection and resources for her children. Not only do men have to provide these resources. According to the list of side effects. facial alignment and proportionality (how far the chin has to be from the forehead.12 ELISSA Medicine. we avoid incest. Height (a man. but beauty is pain. It was found that the males with the major histocompatibility complex that differed most from the smeller were the most attractive. the women were asked which males (or which shirts) they were most attracted to. on this occasion females. Teen Wolf style. I don’t know. any more than the parachute pants and pacifier necklaces of nineties screamed ‘sober’. right?! Similar products have flooded the market. When it comes to humans. caring. Chemically. but which male has the most resources to put a roof over their head. “Humans have a very long pre-pubescent stage. Spicy. statistically significant or peer reviewed. proven that pheromones assist in attracting mates. occur on a subconscious level. All of these chemical interactions. due to the “diverse presumptions on their ability to provide resources. this test is supposed to show that through a male’s scent. and power is very attractive. If you eat something that makes you sick. Many people may have heard of the test conducted by Claude Wedekind in which a group of test subjects. what seems attractive at the time always looks completely hideous twenty or so years down the track. beyond most doubt. because it shows people’s emotions.) and the menstrual cycle all play key roles in attractiveness for both men and women.” Again. Anyone who had six wives had to be attractive in some way. but they also have to be committed to using them for the woman and their children. Obviously there are factors that have been neglected in this examination. Rank these people in attractiveness: Joan Rivers: 3 Ringo Starr: 1 Amy Winehouse: 2 thus the value of virginity and the attractiveness of youth. because they could bring back the most protein. the alpha male who’s trying to fertilise every woman he sees may not be as attractive to some women as to others. Have you ever found your partner’s immune system plays a part in your attraction? No. Had her son.

When we are asked to say why we think someone is attractive. pubic hair. there is probably nothing that you don’t already know in here. There are even vitamins designed to make your lashes grow stronger and thicker. it does play a significant role. For all those ladies out there. Paul McCartney is still alive! THE BEATLES 1960 AD: THE BEATLES WHO KNOWS? RIGHT NOW You see them in the news every day.” CONCLUSIONS When I asked Prof. that time was the sixties. You see them in those men and women’s magazines you don’t read. it seems that they don’t even have to wear cologne. Boys are shallow. E: Of course. it’s not this guy. not mine). J. it is not necessarily the most macho looking man who she will find most attractive. smart. blonde haired actor who was every boy of her era’s wet dream. it is often difficult to pinpoint. All I’m going to say is. two things men are guaranteed to find hot no matter the decade. less well-endowed. It certainly would Body odour? G. but Doc needs to fire up the DeLorean. past the physically obvious factors. The effects of this hormone are currently under investigation. It will be like Dr. Oxytocin is another biological phenomenon that little is known about. eye brows. and similar results have been produced. I don’t know when it became attractive for guys to have less hair on their chest. MARILYN MONROE 1950 AD Did you know that bowl cuts were once in fashion for people who weren’t under ten years old? Well. throughout their menstrual cycle. So I got worried when she recently declared she “vajazzles her vajayjay” (her words. and the Beatles were about as attractive as it came. anyone?). they like big boobs and a good waist-to-hip ratio. We have a lot of contextual evidence. just as the Brazilian wax became popular as a backlash to years of uninhibited crotch growth. it seems only to reinforce how out of our own hands. Manhattan only less blue and. Menopausal women often find men with softer. and has been formulated into a nasal spray (AMI.13 Eyelash extensions are also becoming rapidly more mainstream and affordable (if you’re willing to sew hair on to your eyes). To my mind Swarovski crystals and vaginas don’t immediately mix. Livesey – I mean how many cute. Hew’s words. Another interesting biological discovery is that women. When a female is ovulating. although it is an exploding field of research. and false adhesive eyelashes. These results imply that at least some of the reason behind us finding certain people attractive is subconscious. because if a SAM Medicine. but blinded testing is very difficult. Have you ever found your partner’s immune system plays a part in your attraction? Yes – sickly people aren’t as much fun. That is if they haven’t had it yet. and although it seems a rather unsatisfactory conclusion. but a man who is most likely to dedicate resources to looking after her child. Yes. and presumably that’s why makeup has been around since Roman times. originally.and of course their eyebeards. generally she seeks the most macho looking man so she can be fertilized. she has long shiny hair and large boobs. well spoken. smart. nerdy and somehow a bit awkward tutors that really turn you on are there left on earth? Eight? E: RAIN – Cute. Anyway. You heard it here first. our lashes will be longer than our chins and the hair will be so thick and coarse we’ll have to shave them every morning. The goal of this piece. go back in time and sort that shit out. 1 Likes: Girls Most attractive part of the human body? Why? The smile – it conveys authenticity and disposition. unfortunately. unfortunately there just aren’t that many to be made yet. including their head hair. because of all this undue attention. girl knows your already immune to mumps. it will be considered attractive to shave all our eyebeards off and go bald. In the case of the sweaty t-shirts. are now ubiquitous at makeup counters everywhere. Make up your own damn mind. but that’s understandable. Sometimes. snail trail . like beards only on our eyes. leg and arm hair. and had a flick through the photos. so we’ll start calling them eyebeards instead of eyelashes. Prof. Could her look ever go out of fashion? We don’t think so. One thing’s for sure though. this article is a complete failure. placebo affect and cultural expectations associated with attractiveness make it a difficult area to study. have been interesting when they introduced them face to face.Lo. they might be more likely to go out with you. they didn’t even have to see the people they were judging before they knew whether or not they found them attractive. For the ladies. this is a trend that unfortunately my sartorially inclined divination skills can’t see going away any time soon. so my prediction is that in the future it will be considered totally hot for guys to shave every single hair off their bodies. and it will all be totally acceptable and respectable. My prediction is that in twenty years time. Thus. The reminder that a lot of the work done in attraction is subconscious is another important point. Wassersug about the issue of research he said: “the problem is the lack of controlled studies. more feminine features attractive where before they may have been more attracted to testosterone fueled gym junkies. was to find out which cologne or perfumes will the make the person of your dreams go mad. COMPLETELY HAIRLESS MEN I happened across a copy of Cleo Magazine’s 50 Most Eligible Bachelors issue the other day. humans just like the cut of another person’s jib. The contexts. If a woman is looking after a child. legs and crotch than I do. two things that. but that’s what they said about The Simpsons and pornography and look how that turned out! Anyway my prediction is instead of Brazilians or bikini waxes girls will soon be decorating their “precious ladies” (again. E. find different males attractive at different times. GISELLE Arts. In fact. Body Part? G: Fingers. Sound promising? Or is it all too much? Similar tests have been conducted.J. Yes Immune system? G: Yes. but they work the ‘wounded wing’ angle Who is your ideal partner? Why? A dog – they never let you down Rank these people in attractiveness: Joan Rivers: 1 Ringo Starr: 2 Amy Winehouse: 3 VAJAZZLING Jennifer Love Hewitt is arguably known for being attractive – at least. Hot ones turn me on. and in the eye of the beholder. It is a hormone produced by the pituitary gland humans that has been shown to spike during times of sexual arousal. Ever been turned on by someone else’s body odour? Yes. not mine) with various crystals and fake tattoos and scratch n’ sniff stickers and going sans bikini bottom at the beach. attraction truly is. previously the domain of drag queens and Jeannie Little.” In terms of finding the golden egg of how to be more attractive. For the boys. 3 Likes: Boys EMIL Arts and Sci Likes: Girls Ideal partner? G: E. Wassersug was quick to say: “we have to remember that sex evolved long before we evolved parts of the brain that are conscious. aren’t controllable. but the point to take from it is that attractiveness and sexual arousal is not all conscious. E: Eyes A blue eyed. unless you want to pay for a new body. . Youth is obviously another factor. It has also been shown to improve bonding in humans.

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