FADE IN: White cloth rustles. MOANS. Oh God!


Oh God!


The woman SCREAMS and silence descends upon the room. match is STRUCK. INT. GENERIC HOTEL ROOM – DAY

An open Bible and a vibrator lie next to each other on a night stand. A white sheet partially covers a man and woman as they lie apart from one another in bed. The handsome, early 50’s man with dark hair and distant eyes smokes as they both stare at the ceiling. HANDSOME MAN I need a shower. INSIDE THE SHOWER The man vigorously scrubs himself. LEGGY BLOND (OS) What’s wrong? HANDSOME MAN You know what’s wrong. I can’t do this anymore. LEGGY BLOND (OS) Not that again. Last month, last week, and the week before that!! (angrily) Why do I even bother to try? Tell you what, you just give me a call when you can do this again.


A door SLAMS shut. Opening the shower door, the man grabs a towel and quickly begins to dry off. Women! HANDSOME MAN

BACK TO SCENE The Handsome man looks at himself in the mirror. That’s it! He begins to shave. HANDSOME MAN (OS) Have mercy upon me, O Lord according to thy Loving INT. CHURCH – DAY The face of the man behind the pulpit belongs to the Handsome Man. He’s wearing the vestments of a priest. His HANDSOME MAN No more! ...and I’m

going to make it stick this time.

FATHER RILEY ...according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my The church is filled with penitents. humbly. The choir listens

Light streams through colorful stained glass FATHER RILEY (OS)


Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my Father Riley completes the prayer. FATHER RILEY For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever Father Riley closes his prayer book, and bows his head. The congregation bows and prays. FATHER RILEY AND CONGREGATION Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name...



Super: “San Diego, California” Below the “CHURCH OF THE IMMACULATE CONCEPTION” inscription, Father Riley shakes the hands of his VINNIE, a gold-chain sporting, forty-five year old Italian stud, and his gorgeous wife BABY are in line in front of Father Riley. Vinnie is on the phone and Baby is listening A smallish BODYGUARD on crutches follows Vinnie. FATHER RILEY Hello Vinnie. How’s the family? Vinnie stops the flow of his thick Italian accent for a second, moving the cell phone away from his mouth. VINNIE It’s a big family... He


FATHER RILEY What about those twin sisters of yours – the Sisters of Mercy? VINNIE Sister Catherine is still teaching...and Sister Toni...Momma said she left El Salvador and transferred to Nicaragua. She goes FATHER RILEY Glad they’re well. See you next Sunday. Vinnie’s entourage shakes hands with Father Riley and they move on. JOHN and DARLA, a poorly aging middle-aged couple, drag their two fighting children towards the priest. Welcome! FATHER RILEY I don’t remember seeing Are you visiting?

you before.

JOHN (slowly) Well, Father... actually we just moved here... to San Diego...

DARLA (quickly) We really love it here already! Darla manhandles her two children over and makes them say hello to Father. Wonderful! FATHER RILEY I’ll look forward to

seeing you next week.


Two women in their early thirties shake Father Riley’s hand. They are lesbians, but you’d never know it. MARY is tall and could be a model, FRANCES is nearly as tall, and FRANCES Loved that passage from the book of Ester. MARY “…to show the people and the princes her beauty: for she was fair to look upon.” Frances and Mary laugh and look at one another coyly. After the last member of the congregation files through the line, Father Riley walks into the darkness of the church



Behind the stage, Father Riley stands talking with latefifties ARCHBISHOP DeSALIVINI. ARCHBISHOP (slight Italian accent) We’ve come a long way since our Vietnam days haven’t we? FATHER RILEY That was certainly hell on earth. I don’t even like to think about ARCHBISHOP It got you here though, didn’t it. FATHER RILEY Thanks to you ‘Chaplain’. Several men are preparing the stage for a speech.


ARCHBISHOP And in all this time, you never wanted to climb the ladder. FATHER RILEY I enjoy it more. Whereas you seem to really enjoy this Bishop ARCHBISHOP Of course, I’d really like

I do.

become Cardinal...move to Rome one day and be part of the Pope’s inner circle. Wouldn’t that be FATHER RILEY I can see you there. Maybe I’d come visit! The auditorium is filling up with Priests. ARCHBISHOP I should hope! Hey, it looks like we should find out about our bet FATHER RILEY This legal battle has been a long one. I think you’re going to ARCHBISHOP The

We’ll see.

The men complete the stage setup and step off stage. Archbishop looks at his watch. ARCHBISHOP Seems to be time to tell the lads about the Pope’s visit.


Have fun. Sure.


Father Riley turns and walks away as the Archbishop takes the stage. INT./EXT. COURTROOM – DAY

Inside a crowded courtroom, CINDY SCHAEFER, a forty-two year old classic beauty wearing a security uniform, sits in the front row. Next to her is STEPHEN and YOLANDA, the

SUPER: “Las Vegas, Nevada” On the other side of the room sit several Bishops and attorneys. The judge walks in and everyone rises. The judge takes his seat and opens an envelope. a sheet of paper and reads from it. JUDGE After much deliberation with regard to the injunction concerning the opening of the Adult-oriented theme park, Sen City, this court has found no existing precedence of similar cause. Thus it is the finding of this court that case number NV4337-8 is, therefore, dismissed due to lack of current precedence. Sen City may be opened as planned. Cheering erupts from the crowd. couple hugs. Cindy jumps for joy as the He removes


On the other side of the room, the Bishops bow their heads in defeat. OUTSIDE THE COURTROOM Cindy shoves reporters away from the sharply dressed couple as they head down the Courthouse stairs and into the Cindy gets into the limo last. EXT. COASTAL ROAD – DAY The limo drives away.

A blue Honda Accord drives north along the ribbon of highway. The Pacific dances with the rocky shoreline. INSIDE THE HONDA Father Riley is driving. The sole occupant of the car, Puts a cigarette in his mouth

he’s wearing street clothes. He scans radio stations. City in Spanish. INT./EXT.

Distracted by a group of young

women, he doesn’t notice the female voice advertising Sen Mexican music plays and he changes


The Honda pulls into a nearly empty parking lot. INSIDE THE CONFESSIONAL Father Riley kneels.. FATHER RILEY Bless me Father for I have sinned. My last confession was four weeks OLD PRIEST


May the Lord be with you. FATHER RILEY Forgive me Father, for I’ve taken the Lord’s name in vain twice. OLD PRIEST Go on my son. FATHER RILEY Forgive me Father, for I lied Yes. OLD PRIEST

FATHER RILEY And... well... I’ve fornicated 7 times! OLD PRIEST Oh my. Anything else? FATHER RILEY No. Father, that’s all. OLD PRIEST Very well. May the Lord bless you and keep you holy. That will be 2 IN A PEW Father Riley kneels at a pew near the back of the church with his head bowed, praying. FATHER RILEY ... but deliver us from evil. Amen. The old priest leaves the confessional and walks down the aisle. He looks at Father Riley. PARKING LOT


The old priest watches the Honda drive away. INT. RECTORY KITCHEN – DAY

In a 50’s looking kitchen, Father Riley sits at the end of the dining table reviewing papers. His MERRY OLD IRISH

The phone RINGS and the Housekeeper answers it. MERRY OLD IRISH HOUSEKEEPER Sounds like that lawyer chap. Father Riley listens a moment. The housekeeper pretends to

continue cooking while listening to Father Riley’s FATHER RILEY

All right.

He straightens his papers. FATHER RILEY Will there be another appeal? He takes a drink of coffee. FATHER RILEY The Archbishop thinks the place never should have been allowed to The housekeeper brings him a plate. He begins to eat.

FATHER RILEY Thanks for all your efforts. He hangs up the phone and hands it back to the Housekeeper. She puts it back on its cradle. MERRY OLD IRISH HOUSEKEEPER


News Lad? Yes. FATHER RILEY That adult theme park has

been approved. MERRY OLD IRISH HOUSEKEEPER So you win the bet, eh? I do indeed. FATHER RILEY I had a feeling it People today

would be approved. Church does.

just don’t see sex the way the But the Archbishop is not going to be a very happy MERRY OLD IRISH HOUSEKEEPER And how would he know Laddie? She flicks him with a towel. FATHER RILEY Good point! Can’t tell him that though. I’ll bet he sure is I better let somebody ticked off!

else tell him or he’ll have my INT. ARCHBISHOP’S STUDY – DAY

As the Archbishop drinks a cup of coffee sitting at his desk, his ASSISTANT hands him a sheet of paper. ASSISTANT Just came off the fax, sir. INSERT – COPY OF NEWSPAPER CLIPPING “May 1 , 2004. LEGAL BATTLE.



“May 1 , 2004. LEGAL BATTLE.



new adult theme park is slated to open just outside of Las Vegas, Nevada.” BACK TO SCENE The Archbishop nearly throws his coffee cup back onto its saucer with a CRASH. onto the floor. Coffee spills on the desk and drips The Archbishop pushes himself away from

the desk shaking the paper. The Assistant begins to clean up. ARCHBISHOP Did you see this... this... abomination? ASSISTANT No sir. The Archbishop gets out of his chair and walks over to the window. ARCHBISHOP They approved the opening of that Sodom and Gomorrah theme park! Sin! They even call it Sin City!


City in Spanish. stations again.

Mexican music plays and he changes



The Honda pulls into a nearly empty parking lot.

INSIDE THE CONFESSIONAL Father Riley kneels.. FATHER RILEY Bless me Father for I have sinned. My last confession was four weeks ago. OLD PRIEST May the Lord be with you. FATHER RILEY Forgive me Father, for I’ve taken the Lord’s name in vain twice. OLD PRIEST Go on my son.


FATHER RILEY Forgive me Father, for I lied once. OLD PRIEST Yes. FATHER RILEY And... well... I’ve fornicated 7 times! OLD PRIEST Oh my. Anything else? FATHER RILEY No. Father, that’s all. OLD PRIEST Very well. May the Lord bless you and keep you holy. That will be 2 Hail Mary’s and 3 Our Fathers. IN A PEW Father Riley kneels at a pew near the back of the church with his head bowed, praying.


FATHER RILEY ... but deliver us from evil. Amen. The old priest leaves the confessional and walks down the aisle. He looks at Father Riley.

PARKING LOT The old priest watches the Honda drive away.



In a 50’s looking kitchen, Father Riley sits at the end of the dining table reviewing papers. His MERRY OLD IRISH HOUSEKEEPER fusses about the stove, cooking him breakfast. The phone RINGS and the Housekeeper answers it. MERRY OLD IRISH HOUSEKEEPER Sounds like that lawyer chap. Father Riley listens a moment. conversation.. The housekeeper pretends to

continue cooking while listening to Father Riley’s


FATHER RILEY All right. He straightens his papers. FATHER RILEY Will there be another appeal? He takes a drink of coffee. FATHER RILEY The Archbishop thinks the place never should have been allowed to be built in the first place. The housekeeper brings him a plate. FATHER RILEY Thanks for all your efforts. He hangs up the phone and hands it back to the Housekeeper. She puts it back on its cradle. MERRY OLD IRISH HOUSEKEEPER News Lad? He begins to eat.


FATHER RILEY Yes. That adult theme park has been approved. MERRY OLD IRISH HOUSEKEEPER So you win the bet, eh? FATHER RILEY I do indeed. I had a feeling it People today would be approved. Church does. man.

just don’t see sex the way the But the Archbishop is not going to be a very happy He thinks it’s a Sodom and Gomorrah waiting to happen. MERRY OLD IRISH HOUSEKEEPER And how would he know Laddie? She flicks him with a towel. FATHER RILEY Good point! though. ticked off! Can’t tell him that I better let somebody I’ll bet he sure is


else tell him or he’ll have my head on a platter!



As the Archbishop drinks a cup of coffee sitting at his desk, his ASSISTANT hands him a sheet of paper. ASSISTANT Just came off the fax, sir. INSERT – COPY OF NEWSPAPER CLIPPING “May 1 , 2004. LEGAL BATTLE.


new adult theme park is slated to open just outside of Las Vegas, Nevada.” BACK TO SCENE The Archbishop nearly throws his coffee cup back onto its saucer with a CRASH. onto the floor. Coffee spills on the desk and drips The Archbishop pushes himself away from

the desk shaking the paper.


The Assistant begins to clean up. ARCHBISHOP Did you see this... this... abomination? ASSISTANT No sir. The Archbishop gets out of his chair and walks over to the window. ARCHBISHOP They approved the opening of that Sodom and Gomorrah theme park! Sin! They even call it Sin City! Who thinks of Can you imagine? these things?? ASSISTANT I don’t know sir. S-E-N sir. The Archbishop grabs his golf club from the bag in the corner. It’s actually


ARCHBISHOP I don’t care how it’s spelled it’s evil! That’s what it is! We’ve Inside my diocese no less! tried everything to stop it. First they won the legal battle to build it, now they’re going to open it! He swings the club back and forth like a sword. ARCHBISHOP The Pope is coming in six days! Do you realize what this means? I’ll be the laughing stock of the Vatican if he sees this cesspool... this pit of filth and corruption. He looks over to see the assistant cleaning up the last of the spilled coffee. He stops swinging the club. ARCHBISHOP (quietly)


Unless... Sin City is wiped off the face of the earth. The assistant steps away from the desk. ASSISTANT Sir? The Archbishop sits back down in his desk chair. ARCHBISHOP (reaching for the phone) Never mind. coffee. Go get me some more



Vinnie sits in the back at a round booth with a cell phone stuck to his ear. Baby sits next to him, applying makeup, listening to a Walkman and singing along. Several other family members crowd the noisy table. The

wall behind the table is covered with pictures of various Popes and the Archbishop. Every male family member at the table is talking on a cell phone. MOMMA heads the table.


VINNIE How’s my hotel? the hit went bad? how to do it! wrong with you? Vinnie’s BODYGUARD limps to the table and pours him a beer. Vinnie ignores the Bodyguard. VINNIE I’m gonna have to come up there to Vegas and show you myself ain’t I? Vinnie pulls the phone from his ear, POUNDS his hand on the table and yells at the group. VINNIE Shut up already! Vinnie plugs his left ear with his left hand. The What do you mean I told you just What the fuck is

Bodyguard cuts Vinnie’s meat and puts a piece in his mouth. VINNIE OK. I’ll be there tomorrow. You got tickets to Sen City? You’re an imbecile! Good,

but I still might have to kill ya.


He throws the phone down. the door.

He pushes his way out of the

booth, kisses Momma on the cheek, and starts to walk out Baby and the Bodyguard follow.


RACE TRACK – DAY Next to her is

Cindy stands in line at the betting booth. PUNK GIRL, early thirties free spirit. Xavier, at 70-1. CINDY Give me 10K on Xavier to win. The cashier raises his eyebrow, questioning. CINDY You heard me – he’ll win, I know it! IN THE STANDS A race finishes.

The chalkboard

behind the cashier shows a variety of odds, including

Cindy and Punk Girl stand near the

railing with a clear view of the track.


Xavier and the other horses line up for the race. The gun sounds and they’re off! Cindy stares intently at the action. Xavier pulls out to an early lead. He’s overtaken around the track. Down the stretch Xavier is neck and neck with two other horses. Xavier loses by a nose. Cindy sits down in disbelief as the crowd exits around her. Punk girl puts her hand on Cindy’s knee, comforting her.



Father Riley is wearing his clerical costume alone in the car. phone. He drives fast and erratically as he talks on the


FATHER RILEY No, I’m not coming over. I told you that was the last time! He barely stops at a red light in time. FATHER RILEY Because I’m a priest, dammit! I said no! He speeds away with the green light. FATHER RILEY I know I’ve said that before – this time I really mean it! The phone beeps and Father Riley looks down at it then puts it back to his ear. FATHER RILEY I’ve got to take this call. talk to you later. Goodbye!! He pushes a button on the phone. Listens for a moment. won’t talk to you later! I’ll I No – wait!


FATHER RILEY Yes, of course Archbishop. actually in the car now. there in a half hour. As he throws the phone to the seat, red lights appears behind him and a SIREN sounds. steering wheel in frustration. He pulls over and hits the I’m I can be



The Archbishop and Father Riley walk along a flagstone path. The Archbishop carries gold handled scissors. ARCHBISHOP So Sin City opens tomorrow? FATHER RILEY Yeah. Sen City. I guess I win the bet. The Archbishop reaches over to a rosebush and cuts two roses. ARCHBISHOP


You did.

But I’m not in the mood, This place can not


be allowed to taint my people. Since all else has failed, I have a new plan. But I need someone I I can can trust, really trust. trust you, can’t I? He hands the roses to Father Riley, who gets pricked by a thorn. FATHER RILEY Ouch! Of course you can. ARCHBISHOP Good. The Pope will be here in (cuts several more roses) Sin City must be destroyed! Father Riley looks down at the roses in his hand. FATHER RILEY Destroyed? What on earth are you talking about? ARCHBISHOP six days.


I’m talking about the wrathful vengeance of God Almighty. A conflagration, fire and brimstone raining down upon that modern Sodom and Gomorrah. Dammit Riley, I’m talking about doing God’s work. FATHER RILEY What do you mean ‘wrathful vengeance’? You want to destroy Sen City with a plague of frogs? ARCHBISHOP No not with a plague of frogs. I want to destroy Sin City just like we did that bridge at Qui Nhon. Remember that? FATHER RILEY You mean explosives? too far? hurt? ARCHBISHOP Don’t you think that’s taking this a little What if someone gets


You’ll blow it up at night when they close for maintenance. Casualties will be minor. FATHER RILEY Minor? Are you crazy? What if somebody dies? ARCHBISHOP Remember, Lot’s wife was turned into a pillar of salt just for looking back...God punishes the wicked. The Archbishop takes the roses out of Father Riley’s hand, dropping them and his own roses to the ground. grinds them into a pulp with his heel. ARCHBISHOP We need to destroy this evil! FATHER RILEY Man, you’ve lost it! this! I can’t do That’s You know I swore never to He slowly

blow up anything again!

the whole reason I became a priest – too much death during the war. I wanted to atone, to make up for


that! priest!

And you – you showed me the

Light, and the good in being a

ARCHBISHOP Your past experience as a Structural Engineer and explosives expert is exactly why I need your help. Consider it a gift that God has given you to help the cause. FATHER RILEY Gift? The gift of destruction! That’s no gift! ARCHBISHOP Our Lord God is sometimes a wrathful God. FATHER RILEY No. I just can’t do it.

The Archbishop turns and begins walking along the path. Father Riley follows slowly. ARCHBISHOP Bartholomew...I hate to do this, but I must have your help.


FATHER RILEY Do what? ARCHBISHOP I know about the women. FATHER RILEY What women? ARCHBISHOP Don’t play dumb with me. I’ve known about your problem with women for years now. I was hoping that you would see your way clear of these temptations, but you seem to jump on these women like they were the last choppers out of ‘Nam. FATHER RILEY No, it’s not like that at all. ARCHBISHOP I’m sorry Bartholomew, but I just may have to go public with this information.

FATHER RILEY You’re blackmailing me!


ARCHBISHOP Try not to look at it that way. We’re...we’re two old friends helping each other out. FATHER RILEY I can’t believe you’re doing this to me. ARCHBISHOP Do you want to remain a priest? FATHER RILEY Yes, actually I do. ARCHBISHOP Then help me out here. I need your experience. I need your God needs loyalty...and your friendship. Your church needs you. you. FATHER RILEY You’re laying it on pretty thick. Is this a Church sanctioned plan or your own brainchild? ARCHBISHOP


You think I’d act alone on something like this? FATHER RILEY I’m not so sure. could get messy. ARCHBISHOP Don’t worry about that. everything taken care of. have plenty of help. hand. FATHER RILEY Sister Toni and Sister Catherine? ARCHBISHOP Yes. Vinnie will also be there to get you what you need. They walk slowly back along the path. The Archbishop puts I’ve got You’ll Are you certain It you want to go down this path?

I’ve got my

sisters lined up to give you a

his arm on Father Riley’s slumped shoulder. ARCHBISHOP I knew I could count on you.




SISTER TONI, an athletic looking thirty-six year young woman, wearing a nun’s habit with shorts and a t-shirt, is on top of a ladder nestled in a tree. wires. HIGH IN A TREE Sister Toni strings wires. INSIDE A WOODEN HUT Two old wrinkled natives sit atop rusty bicycles. Sister Toni gives them thumbs up and they begin pedaling. fly. sparks stop. DOORWAY OF A WOODEN HUT Several young children sit on the floor looking at a TV showing wavy lines. children cheer. IN THE STREET Sister Toni peeks inside the doorway; she disappears for a second, cartoons come on and the Sparks She makes a few adjustments to the generator and the She is stringing


Sister Toni walks with a bag over her shoulder. sticking out of it. air. At the end of the street, the helicopter lands. from the village run for cover.

Wires are

The WHIRR of a helicopter fills the

The people

A man wearing only black jumps out of the helicopter. runs over to Sister Toni and hands her an envelope. him to wait. IN SISTER TONI’S HUT Sister Toni grabs a suitcase and packs her belongings. it in some clothes, finishes packing and heads out the door.

He She

opens it, reads it, and puts a finger in the air to tell


pulls a brick size bar of cocaine out of the closet, wraps



Old gray stone buildings are scattered under the branches of tall, stately trees.


One building has stone stairs that lead to an arched doorway. The inscription above the door reads “Order of the Sisters of Mercy.”



SISTER CATHERINE writes p = 2 on the front chalk board. She looks the thirty-six year old professor part, with nun habit, glasses and a thin, black pointer. identical to Sister Toni. SISTER CATHERINE You will recall from our last discussion of the Rational Number System that there is no rational number “p” which satisfies this equation. Sister Catherine points to the equation she has just written on the board. SISTER CATHERINE How, then to prove such a conjecture? One way is to assume that there does exist this rational number “p”. That being She looks nearly


the case we could then rewrite “p” as what? No one raises his or her hand. Sister Catherine points at one COWERING STUDENT. SISTER CATHERINE You there, gaping like a trout. The rational number “p” can be rewritten as what? COWERING STUDENT As uh… SISTER CATHERINE Wrong! Sister Catherine goes to the board and writes p = m/n. SISTER CATHERINE “p” can be rewritten as “p” equals “m” divided by “n” where “m” and “n” are what? All of the students avoid eye contact with Sister Catherine. Again no one raises his or her hand. Sister Catherine taps her foot on the floor. Again she chooses an UNFORTUNATE STUDENT.


SISTER CATHERINE (Angrily) You there, let’s see if you can at least put together a rational sentence concerning the Rational Number System. UNFORTUNATE STUDENT I, uh… SISTER CATHERINE You what? UNFORTUNATE STUDENT Forgot the question. Sister Catherine kicks aside a chair and speaks to the class. SISTER CATHERINE My God! What is wrong with you people? She taps the pointer on the desk of the Unfortunate Student. SISTER CATHERINE Give me 2 Hail Mary’s and an Our Father.


He stares openmouthed at Sister Catherine. SISTER CATHERINE NOW! The Unfortunate Student clasps his hands and bows his head. UNFORTUNATE STUDENT Hail Mary full of grace….. Sister Catherine walks back to the front of the class and hits each letter on the chalkboard for emphasis. SISTER CATHERINE Now, once again - “p” can be rewritten as “p” equals “m” divided by “n” where “m” and “n” are both what? A loud KNOCK interrupts her. Sister Catherine whirls away from the chalkboard and stalks over to the door. A young, doe eyed nun holds an envelope. DOE EYED NUN Sorry to interrupt, Sister, but this is from the Archbishop.


Sister Catherine rips the envelope from the Nun’s hand. SISTER CATHERINE Thank you Sister. all. The BUZZER sounds. The class stirs. Sister Catherine That will be

points at the class while reading the note. SISTER CATHERINE Don’t move! The class freezes. The UNFORTUNATE STUDENT is still reciting his penance. Sister Catherine puts the note back in the envelope and glides out the door. SISTER CATHERINE (OS) Dismissed.


FATHER RILEY’S BEDROOM – NIGHT Socks and underwear are

A suitcase lies open on the bed.

stacked neatly alongside the suitcase. Father Riley is lost inside the closet, fanning rapidly through clothes.


He finally grabs an armful and dumps them on the bed near the suitcase. They are all black priest frocks. There is a KNOCK on the door. FATHER RILEY Come in. The door opens and the Housekeeper’s face appears in the crack. MERRY OLD IRISH HOUSEKEEPER Off on a trip are ya then? Father Riley looks at her blankly. suitcase. Looks back up at her. FATHER RILEY ...er...yes, actually, tomorrow...or the next day. I’m...um...going on a vacation. Church business. A Church vacation...business. Looks down at the


The housekeeper steps into the room, puts her hands on her hips, tilts her head, and gives him that ‘I know you’re lying look’. FATHER RILEY Oh hell’s bells! Truth is I’ve been asked to go somewhere I really don’t belong and to do something I don’t want to do!! MERRY OLD IRISH HOUSEKEEPER And you’re going anyway, Laddie? FATHER RILEY I don’t seem to have much of a choice. MERRY OLD IRISH HOUSEKEEPER We all have choices, lad. listen to your heart. Just The Good

Lord put it there for a reason. That’s what all your preachin’s about anyway, isn’t it? FATHER RILEY Maybe you’re right...


She gives him a pat on back and whirls out of the room. MERRY OLD IRISH HOUSEKEEPER (OS) Aren’t I usually? your trip. up! Father Riley crosses his arms and strokes his chin thoughtfully. I’ll make you up a wee batch of rum balls for That always cheers you

INT./EXT. VINNIE”S MULTI MILLION DOLLAR HOME – DAY BY THE POOL Vinnie is nestled in a chaise lounge, wearing trunks and eating a bagel. He’s talking on his cell phone. The Pacific can be seen over his shoulder. IN THE MASTER BEDROOM SUITE The Bodyguard is carefully packing Vinnie’s pressed clothing. He’s wearing a bandage on his nose.


Baby is at the vanity packing her makeup. her Walkman, grooving to the tunes. IN THE POOL

She’s wearing

Vinnie is swimming while talking on the cell phone. VINNIE Yeah, we’re heading to Vegas here in a minute. It’s been awhile since I’ve visited the infamous Vinnie’s Casino Palace. He gets to the end of the pool and turns, heading back the other way. VINNIE Yeah, I love my hotel. He stops swimming for a second and water gets in the phone. He shakes it out. VINNIE What? Oh, sure, I’ll look into It’s in both of our It’ll get back that for you. best interests. the revenue drop.


He continues to swim. VINNIE Deliver the explosives too, huh? All right – no problem. He reaches the end of the pool, hangs onto the edge and gazes at the sea. VINNIE You’re sure about this? big stuff. He climbs out of the pool. VINNIE No way! Toni and Catherine too? You must be serious to slow down the operation by taking them out of commission. He tries to shake water out of his ear by standing on one leg and jumping up and down while hitting the side of his head. VINNIE This is


OK then. happens.

I’ll make sure it

Vinnie punches a few buttons on the phone. seen as picks up the phone. VINNIE Yeah – we ready then?

Through the

sliding glass door into the bedroom, the bodyguard can be

Still talking on the phone, Vinnie walks into the bedroom. Baby is still packing makeup. IN THE GARAGE Vinnie emerges, snappily dressed, talking on the phone. gets in the passenger side of the red BMW 720i. bodyguard gets in the driver’s side. The car heads down the street out of view. SCREETCH – the The He Singing along.

car backs up and stops in front of the house. Baby saunters out of the house and gets in the back seat. The car takes off again.


EXT. SAN DIEGO - DAY Father Riley sits in his Honda on a stalled freeway drinking coffee. and puts it down. Traffic moves a bit. He looks at the phone for a long minute. him HONKS. He looks up. in front of him. He fills the gap. Someone behind He picks up his phone. He looks at it

There is a full car length open

He picks up the phone and quickly dials a number. INTERCUT – FATHER RILEY’S CAR/ELABORATE OFFICE – DAY A YOUNG PRIEST answers the phone. YOUNG PRIEST Cardinal Giomecci’s office. BACK TO SCENE Father Riley hangs up and throws the phone into the seat next to him.


Father Riley turns on the radio. Traffic crawls. off the radio. cigarette, but there aren’t any there. phone and dials it.

He turns

He reaches into his breast pocket for a He picks up the

INTERCUT – FATHER RILEY’S CAR/ELABORATE OFFICE – DAY A YOUNG PRIEST answers the phone. YOUNG PRIEST Cardinal Giomecci’s office. FATHER RILEY Is his Eminence available? YOUNG PRIEST I’m sorry he’s not. message? FATHER RILEY Do you know when he’ll be free? YOUNG PRIEST He’s actually out of town, but I can get a message to him. FATHER RILEY May I take a


Can you have him call Father Bartholomew Riley in San Diego? It’s important. YOUNG PRIEST Of course. BACK TO SCENE Father Riley hangs up the phone and places it on the seat next to him. On the side of the freeway, a tow truck loads Traffic clears. up a blue Accord. Have a nice day.

SAN DIEGO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY Father Riley drives to the curb near the Baggage Claim. Sister Toni is standing by her luggage, wearing her habit. They hug briefly and put the luggage in the car. SAN DIEGO BUS STATION - DAY Father Riley and Sister Toni pull into the bus station, get out of the car and walk inside.


A bus pulls up and parks.

Sister Catherine, also in her There is a brief

regalia, is the first one off the bus.

hug between Father Riley and Sister Catherine and a longer hug between Sister Toni and Sister Catherine. Back in the car, Sister Toni and Sister Catherine both sit in the back seat and talk excitedly to one another.



Father Riley, Sister Catherine, Sister Toni and the Merry Old Irish Housekeeper sit around a large table laden with bowls of food. FATHER RILEY ...that we are about to receive from thy Bounty. Lord, Amen. He starts to pass the food. SISTER CATHERINE How have you been all these years Father? FATHER RILEY In Christ our


I’ve been well.

When was the last

time we saw each other? SISTER TONI Wasn’t that just before we entered the Convent? FATHER RILEY I think you’re right. What was that, about 12 or 13 years ago? SISTER CATHERINE It was 12. Nobody says anything for a long moment. eating. LATER Father Riley takes the last bite of food from his plate and turns to the Merry Old Irish Housekeeper. FATHER RILEY Another lovely meal. MERRY OLD IRISH HOUSEKEEPER I’ll just be bringing pie then. Father Riley and the Housekeeper both stand up and pick up dishes from the table. They all start


FATHER RILEY I’ll help you clear the table. He and the housekeeper disappear into the kitchen. Sister Toni looks at Sister Catherine. nods her head once. Sister Catherine

Sister Toni reaches into her purse and

pulls out a small vial filled with a brown, murky liquid. She hides it in her lap. The Housekeeper brings out tea and places it in front of the Nuns. Father Riley trails in behind her with tea for He and the Housekeeper grab himself and the Housekeeper. more dishes off the table. FATHER RILEY Be back with the pie in a minute. SISTER CATHERINE (whispers) Now! Sister Toni takes the vial and pours the contents into the Housekeepers tea. one. The Housekeeper and Father Riley return with plates of pie. They sit down and the Housekeeper takes a drink of her tea. The tea and the contents quickly become


Everyone begins to eat.



Father Riley goes to bed and turns off the light at 10:00 o’clock sharp. He tosses. He turns. He rolls onto his side.

He looks at the clock- it’s 12:45. FATHER RILEY’S DREAM

Father Riley is drowning deep under the sea. can’t make it to the air. swimming.

He struggles

and swims into the light rays toward the light above, but His eyes close and he quits

A young, female angel with a holstered gun dives from the light and blows air into his mouth with a kiss. His eyes open and she swims with him upward, upward into the light. BACK TO SCENE Father Riley, asleep, rolls over on to his back with a smile.




Father Riley half-stumbles into the kitchen and rubs his eyes. The Nuns are sitting at the table drinking coffee. FATHER RILEY Where’s the housekeeper? SISTER CATHERINE Is she the lazy sort? FATHER RILEY No. Hmm.

Father Riley walks out the kitchen door. Sister Catherine and Sister Toni both pick up the paper and begin to read. Father Riley bursts back into the kitchen. FATHER RILEY She’s dead! The Nuns keep reading the paper. SISTER TONI (not surprised)


Really? SISTER CATHERINE She’d have died anyway. SISTER TONI She was getting on in years. Father Riley looks from one to the other. to the table. They don’t flinch. FATHER RILEY Did you kill her? Sister Catherine taps her finger on the table and looks at Father Riley with half-closed eyes. SISTER CATHERINE Did you place a call to the Cardinal? Father Riley recoils, taking a step back. FATHER RILEY How did you... SISTER TONI Not very smart, Padre. He takes a large

step over to the table and swats both of their papers down


SISTER CATHERINE It would not behoove you to make the same mistake again Father. Father Riley backs up against the counter, stands up straight and crosses his arms across his chest. FATHER RILEY I see. SISTER CATHERINE Do you? FATHER RILEY Yes. SISTER CATHERINE Then let’s be on our way. FATHER RILEY What about the body and the funeral? SISTER TONI We’re on a timeline Father. it. Let’s go. Let one of the other priests deal with


Father Riley slams his hand on the counter and storms out of the room.


Father Riley and the Nuns wait in line.

arrives and leads them into the restaurant. Without seeing the Nuns or Father Riley, Vinnie and his bodyguard walk behind them through the casino, followed by a small entourage of hotel minions. Father Riley and the Nuns sit in a booth. WAITRESS brings menus. SOUTHERN WAITRESS Hi there. What brings ya’ll to our neck of the woods? SISTER CATHERINE I don’t believe that’s any of your business. Bring us some water. A SOUTHERN

The Southern Waitress looks at her in shock.


SISTER CATHERINE Go on woman! The Southern Waitress slinks away. SISTER TONI We have got to lose these clothes. Pronto! SISTER CATHERINE I agree. City. We’ll hit the stores tonight before we head to Sin So what’s the plan Father? FATHER RILEY Well, we just got here. We’ve got 72 hours until the Pope arrives. SISTER CATHERINE Right. Brilliant. OK – here’s what I pulled off the Internet about Sen City. She reaches in her briefcase and pulls out a ream of paper.


FATHER RILEY Hold on a second. Are you both What if sure we should do this? somebody gets killed? SISTER TONI We’ll blow it after hours to minimize casualties. FATHER RILEY Minimize? So you’re both willing Or more people I to kill people?

guess I should say... SISTER TONI If we have to - it’s the only way. Claro cassi? SISTER CATHERINE God kills people all the time. The Southern Waitress suddenly appears with glasses of water. SOUTHERN WAITRESS Are ya’ll ready to order?


SISTER CATHERINE No. Give us a minute. SISTER CATHERINE Anyway Father, this Sen City is clearly run by Satan’s spawn. Have you seen the outfits they wear? FATHER RILEY What happened to your vows? The sisters exchange a long look. SISTER CATHERINE You just don’t get us do you Father? FATHER RILEY Huh? SISTER TONI Should we tell him? SISTER CATHERINE


We can always kill him. he’s a priest.


He can’t tell.

SISTER TONI All right. He’d figure it out sooner or later anyway. SISTER CATHERINE We became nuns as cover for the Family and it’s operations. the money, she’s the drugs. FATHER RILEY Oh my God! So you didn’t go bad, you’ve been bad all along! SISTER TONI Bad? It’s all a matter of perception, Padre, all a matter of perception... I’m



Vinnie and the IMBECILE are standing over an open grave. The bodyguard, complete with his arm in a cast, is standing behind them, resting on a shovel.


VINNIE You’re an imbecile! that? IMBECILE Yeah. You’re right. It wasn’t that hard. He peeks over the grave. IMBECILE All that whining and pleading at the end... that part. VINNIE They always do that. catch them off-guard. At that moment the bodyguard WHACKS the Imbecile over the head with his cast. The Imbecile falls into the grave as Vinnie pulls out his gun. Vinnie leans over and SHOOTS into the grave. Unless you I didn’t really like How tough was


The bodyguard begins to shovel the grave with dirt onehanded. Vinnie heads back to the car, pulling the phone out of his pocket. VINNIE Yeah. It’s Vinnie. I want two steaks delivered to my room, in 30 minutes. He looks back over his shoulder. VINNIE ...better make that an hour.



Father Riley and the Nuns drive through an arched “Welcome to Sen City” sign and up a long, curved driveway. pull up to an elaborate registration entrance. comes to help them with their luggage. Father Riley is wearing well fitting jeans, t-shirt and a becoming sport coat. Practical Sister Toni has opted for a They A porter


casual shorts outfit.

Sister Catherine, ever the

intellectual, wears slacks and a blouse. 3 porters are buried under the piles of the threesome’s luggage. AT THE FRONT DESK Father Riley and the Nuns start the check-in process at the desk. SISTER CATHERINE Is this the only hotel in this...place...City? CLERK Yes Ma’am. SISTER CATHERINE Fine then. course. Father Riley bites his tongue. CLERK We’ll have one room Non Smoking, of for three nights.


One room.

Will that be one super

king size bed? Sister Catherine and Sister Toni both jump as if pinched. For once they are both too flustered to speak. FATHER RILEY Two double beds please. watch. The Nuns stare at Father Riley as if he’s completely lost his mind. He smoothly completes the transaction. The Clerk professionally ignores the whole thing. They walk over to the elevator and enter. the counter. INSIDE THE ELEVATOR FATHER RILEY Rats! Did you see – As the door I like to

closes, Father Riley spies Mary and Frances walking up to

The Nuns turn toward him scowling, with arms crossed. SISTER CATHERINE


Father Riley! there!

What was the

meaning of that comment back

SISTER TONI You made that man think...aack! can’t even say it! FATHER RILEY Listen the two of you. ourselves. We’ve gone to great lengths to disguise We have to share a room because of the church budget. You think we’re going to explain that to some hotel clerk in Sen City? Our disguises started an No more calling me From here on You got hour ago. I

Father Riley either. out it’s just Riley. that?

Silenced, the two women simultaneously turn, cross their arms, huff and face the elevator door. FATHER RILEY


Besides that, those two women checking in as we got on the elevator are my parishioners. We’re going to have to be careful I’m not seen and we’ll probably need some cover story too. The elevator door opens. FATHER RILEY (gesturing for the women to go first) Toni...Catherine. He smiles at their backs.



Cindy is standing next to her boss, Stephen.

bank of monitors behind them and a few guards about. SUPER: “DAY ONE” STEPHEN Cindy, I just wanted to stop by and tell you what a great job


you’ve been doing leading this motley crew of Security Guards during our first few days. He hands her a check. Her face brightens. He bows his

head to talk just with her. STEPHEN I know it’s been especially tough on you and the guys with these protesters. crazies! He looks out the window. entrance. CROWD Sin City Go To Hell! To Hell!! Cindy looks at her boss. CINDY Sin City Go There are crowds of people waving What a bunch of

placards and pacing back and forth in front of the


Thanks for the appreciation. hasn’t been too bad. basically harmless.


The crowd is

(looking back at her crew) And the guys have been great! She and the boss start walking to the door. STEPHEN I’ve got to go ready the tape cutting ceremony for the day. do appreciate your efforts. up the good work! He exits and she turns back and starts to give orders to the crew. She hears a DISTURBANCE in the crowd. We Keep



Walking out the door and into the crowd Cindy sees Father Riley helping an OLD WOMAN up off the ground. Cindy rushes over to help.


FATHER RILEY There, are you OK now? OLD WOMAN Yes, thank you. happened... Father Riley notices Cindy walking towards them. FATHER RILEY (gasping under his breath) Oh God! CINDY Excuse me? What just happened? FATHER RILEY Uh...nothing...we were just trying to get in line...I think what happened was the crowd saw those little devils over there. Two women in red bikinis, sprouting horns from their heads, forked tails, red high heels and tridents are patrolling a I’m not sure what


wide red ribbon, keeping those who already paid from crossing into the park. FATHER RILEY There was a commotion and I heard this lovely young woman’s cry for help. OLD WOMAN (fanning herself) You’re too kind. I think I just lost my balance. I’m fine now. CINDY Thanks for helping out. show you the line. She walks Father Riley and the Nuns over to the line. CINDY Have a wonderful day. The nuns have to tug at Father Riley’s sleeve to get him to quit watching Cindy walk away. Let me


Three lines down, toward the back, John and Darla fidget in line. John peers around the fellow standing in front of him and gets an eyeful of the trident toting women. Darla in the ribs. JOHN Honey –- did you see that? Darla doesn’t seem quite as impressed. Then two male counterparts appear, walking gracefully down Main Street until they join the ribbon patrol. Darla stares as openly as John. TRAM DEPO Not far from the admittance lines, Frances and Mary get off of the Tram that runs between the hotel and the main gate. MARY Wow! What a teeming mass of straight people! FRANCES He elbows


Lilith Fair it’s not.

ADMITTANCE LINE Mary and Frances walk over and get in line as John and Mary rush through the turnstiles.

FRANCES Let’s look around and see who might be family. She scans the crowd. FRANCES Check out those boys over there. A couple of normally dressed men are in line with two leather affectionados. MARY Yep. Definitely.

Mary gets a glimpse of John and Darla being guarded by a pair of devils. John tries to go under the ribbon and one of the women in red pokes at him with her trident.


MARY Hey, aren’t those people from church? FRANCES I think you’re right. MARY Yeah. You know, I thought I saw Father Riley last night in the hotel elevator too. FRANCES No. Couldn’t have been. What would he be doing here? MARY Maybe everybody from church is here! Maybe it’s a convention! FRANCES Right. And the Pope will be here Sure. Mary and Frances walk on Friday.

MUSICAL HORNS blare in the distance. through the turnstiles.


HOLDING AREA The turnstiles spin and Father Riley and the Sisters move into the holding area. Mist falls from the sky. A devil comes up to them and places a wreath of fresh flowers around their necks and hands them a glass of fresh mango juice. FATHER RILEY Thank you, these smell lovely! Sister Toni sneezes several times. MAIN STREET Sen City’s Mayor, dressed in a black tuxedo, walks down Main Street followed by the City Band. Some of the shops on Main Street include: COOL WHIPS AND



With much pomp and circumstance, the Mayor struts to the red ribbon at the end of the street. against the ribbon. Father Riley notices John and Darla on the other side of the crowd and unobtrusively moves behind Sister Toni. The Mayor cuts the ribbon with a flourish and the crowd rushes past him into Sen City. Pushed along by the crowd, Father Riley and the Nuns find themselves in front of the “DEBBIE DOES DONUTS” Store. John and Darla are not far behind in the crowd. of DANCE MUSIC pulses through the ground. FATHER RILEY Quick. IN THE DONUT STORE Father Riley walks over to the pastry case. SISTER TONI Perhaps a donut while we wait. She and Sister Catherine look into the contents of the pastry case. Let’s duck in here. The sound The crowd presses


Sister Toni gasps and turns back to the window shading her eyes. Sister Catherine does a quick spin on her heel, looks out the window and taps her foot impatiently. John and Darla look in the window. John tugs at Darla’s

sleeve and moves towards the door of the store. Father Riley bends over the pastry counter, facing the back wall. The nuns move to block the door. She

Darla points at her waistline and grabs his hand. drags him away while he looks back. ON MAIN STREET The priest and nuns come out of the donut store. SISTER CATHERINE Brilliant idea Father...er ...Riley...simply brilliant. FATHER RILEY It had to be done. and blown my cover. SISTER TONI That couple from Iowa would have spotted me


The people that were foaming at the mouth to get in here? kidding Padre? Are you Those people were

so excited they wouldn’t have noticed you if you were wearing your robes and had a Halo. FATHER RILEY It’s a good thing she’s on a diet. Nevermind - let’s get on the ball. Today we just want to scope the place, right? Father Riley pulls out a pristine pocket map of Sen City and looks at it. Sister Catherine pulls out her map. It is wrinkled and has many circled areas on it. SISTER CATHERINE That’s correct Father. Why don’t we split up to cover more ground? Sister Toni and I will check out the rest of the shops. Alone. Then we’ll head into Fairy Tale Lands, scan the Chocolate Castle, the Sensual Spa, and the Velodrome. You check out the


Perfumed Gardens, the rides, and the Theme Rooms. FATHER RILEY You get the Sensual Spa? In unison, the Nuns cross their arms, and glare at him. SISTER CATHERINE and SISTER TONI (simultaneous) Yes. They turn away, walk across the street and into the ‘LACE FOR LADIES’ shop. Father Riley sighs and begins to walk up Main Street.



Father Riley walks through an iron gate hung into tall, ivy covered stone walls. Inside the gate is a park setting – large trees dot the landscape and flagstone paths meander through flowered shrubbery. He stops just inside the gate and sniffs his nose.


FATHER RILEY Umm, lilac. He strolls down a path in the direction of FLUTE MUSIC, stopping occasionally to smell a flower. Women in gauze-like robes dance in the distance playing flutes. Couples lounge on blankets, feeding one another. Erotic sculptures grace the landscape. In the distance, beyond a pond with a fountain, Cindy patrols a section of the garden. takes two steps toward her. Father Riley stops. He He stops again, shakes his

head slightly ‘no’, and quickly walks back the way he came.



Plants and flowers adorn a large treatment room. covered by white sheets. CLASSICAL MUSIC plays.

Frances lie on tables next to one another, partially

They make SMALL SOUNDS OF PLEASURE as they are rubbed and kneaded by male massage therapists.


MARY This is the life. FRANCES I love it here. MARY This is the first time a man has touched me in 16 years. It’s not nearly as bad as I remember it. Mary and Frances laugh and close their eyes sighing with contentment. At the far end of the room lie a series of hot tubs, cold pools, saunas, and sunken mud baths. Sister Catherine is lying in one, her face covered in mud. She is writing notes in a notepad. Sister Toni is in the tub next to her. Catherine’s notepad. Sister Catherine playfully flicks it back at Sister Toni. She raises her arm

and accidentally flicks a spot of mud onto Sister




Father Riley stands in the middle of the street looking at his map and up one street and down another. Behind him the building reads “ROMAN COLISEUM: MMMCCXXVI SERVED”. John and Darla turn a corner a street down and start walking towards Father Riley. Father Riley ducks into the Coliseum. OVER



Father Riley begins to move down a long hallway. a large, classic fountain at the end of the hall.

The first room he peeks into has several long dining tables with feasting patrons. He steps into the next doorway as a door SHUTS. John and Darla peek in the doorway.


Father Riley is supine on a couch wearing a toga. kisses her. John and Darla look around. They move on.

A He

beautiful woman is feeding him grapes with her mouth.

The back of the head of the

woman kissing Father Riley prevents them from seeing him.



Cindy sits at her desk going through some papers. pictures of horses on her desk. her over to the bank of monitors. TALL SKINNY GUARD Cindy, look at this. Remember that guy this morning who helped up that little old lady? CINDY Sure. He was rather good looking. TALL SKINNY GUARD Not my type. He and his two women friends have been acting strangely



all day.

Let me replay a few

things we captured. On the Monitors, the guard shows Cindy snippets of Father Riley ducking into doorways, Sister Catherine taking notes, and Sister Toni surreptitiously measuring walls. CINDY What do you make of it? They don’t look the dangerous type. TALL SKINNY GUARD No they don’t. behavior. CINDY True. I’ll pay them a visit There’s probably some tonight. sure. As she walks back to her desk, her phone RINGS and she answers it. INTERCUT TELEPHONE CONVERSATION – GUARD ROOM/VINNIE’S CAR I’m not sure, but this is definitely not normal

explanation but I’d like to make


The voice on the other end belongs to Vinnie who is being driven through the desert by his Bodyguard. are down and the sunroof is open. VINNIE Cindy? CINDY Yes. VINNIE You don’t need to know who this is. Let’s just say you owe some of my friends some cash. Cindy furtively glances around the room and talks quietly into the receiver. CINDY Uh...yeah...I’m working on it. VINNIE Speak up! You call blowing more cash at the track working on it? The windows


CINDY He almost won! to pay you off! VINNIE Woulda, coulda, shoulda. you owe us $250K. paltry sum. CINDY I know some people...just give me some time. VINNIE Time is not something you have a lot of. BACK TO SCENE Cindy slowly replaces the phone on it’s cradle. is shaking. Her hand We’ll be in touch. Listen That’s no I’d have been able




Throngs of people are pouring out of Sen City. reading a paper.


Riley sits nonchalantly on a bench near the entrance

John and Darla pass by slowly arm in arm, oblivious to their surroundings. Father Riley watches them get on the Tram. Frances and Mary walk by, arms full of shopping bags, enjoying an animated conversation with one another. get on the Tram. Once the Tram departs, Father Riley stands up and walks to the Tram Depot. They

EXT./INT. EL DIABLIQUE RESTAURANT OF APHRODISIACS – NIGHT A large, lighted fountain graces a courtyard. the fountain. INSIDE THE RESTAURNT Efficient waiters fuss over a well dressed crowd. Water

SPLASHES musically. Various colors take turns spotlighting


Father Riley and the Nuns sit eating dinner in a quiet corner. glow. Candlelight bathes the little group in it’s soft Father Riley is eating oysters. FATHER RILEY What did you ladies find out today? SISTER CATHERINE While in the lion’s den, we took detailed sketches of the primary ‘soft’ points where we think it will be best to place the explosives. We want you to validate and verify our findings. SISTER TONI When we get back to the room after dinner we’ll be able to calculate the amount of wire, explosives, cord and other supplies we’ll require. SISTER CATHERINE


I believe we’re scheduled to get a delivery of supplies tomorrow. SISTER TONI That’s correct. We need to call our order in tonight to Vinnie. FATHER RILEY I wasn’t aware of that. SISTER CATHERINE The Archbishop set it up. FATHER RILEY Ah. What about Sen City security? The place seems to be worse than Fort Knox. SISTER CATHERINE That’s what we were thinking you could help us out with Father. Tomorrow we need some excuse to check into that in more detail. FATHER RILEY



Back to the cover

story...how about if we are journalists from some Electronics magazine? Perhaps that would get Mainly we us some kind of tour.

need to figure out how to get into the tunnels beneath the City. SISTER TONI That’s a good idea Padre. SISTER CATHERINE I don’t know about good, but it will have to do. What did you glean today Father? Father Riley hesitates in his reply. wipes his face with his napkin. FATHER RILEY I discovered that Sen City is not so sinful after all. SISTER CATHERINE What? How can you say that? Sexual odium was everywhere! He takes a drink and


FATHER RILEY Odium? Just because we’ve taken Did you see how happy vows doesn’t mean the rest of the world has. people were as they were leaving? I saw my parishioners at the end of the day and they looked downright joyful. SISTER TONI But Father, this place isn’t just for couples. It’s just sex. Cindy, in a black dress, walks in through the front door. She spies the back of Father Riley’s head and begins to walk towards their table. FATHER RILEY Sex propagates the species, Toni. CINDY (from behind Father Riley) Hello. And it’s lewd, and not about love or love making.


Father Riley jumps a bit. side.

Cindy smiles, gliding to his

She looks directly at him. CINDY I’m not interrupting am I? you. SISTER CATHERINE Toni and I were just heading upstairs...I’m sure Professor Darwin here can speak with you. CINDY That will be fine. I just wanted to have a word with all of

Sister Toni and Sister Catherine get up from the table and Cindy sits down. IN THE COURTYARD Sister Toni and Sister Catherine breeze out of the restaurant and into the courtyard. SISTER CATHERINE


That man! They move through the courtyard. POOL AREA SISTER TONI He does have a mind of his own doesn’t he? There are three large pools, connected by waterfalls. sliver of moon lights the night sky. to ensure they are alone. SISTER CATHERINE Unfortunately he does. SISTER TONI I’m worried he’s not going to play ball. He may go renegade on us. SISTER CATHERINE I see that risk too. I think we need to let the Archbishop know what’s going on inside his sick little cerebelum. A

They pause, checking


SISTER TONI The Archbishop definitely needs to know. Otherwise he may stand in the way of our objective. They move on. SISTER CATHERINE (OS) And we can’t have that. SISTER TONI (OS) No...we certainly cannot. INSIDE THE RESTAURANT A WAITER collects menus from Cindy and Father Riley. WAITER I’ll have your Cherry Cheesecake out in a moment. FATHER RILEY So...to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit. Cindy blushes.


CINDY I...I’m here on business. FATHER RILEY Hmm. How can I help?

He smiles at her and she smiles back. CINDY Something strange...I’m sure there’s some explanation, but I need to check. FATHER RILEY There usually is. mind? CINDY One of my guards today noticed you and your... FATHER RILEY Business associates. CINDY What’s on your


Business associates, yes...acting a bit oddly today. FATHER RILEY Odd? How? What were we doing? CINDY They seemed to be taking notes and measuring things, and you seemed to be trying to avoid someone. FATHER RILEY You’re right – there is a reasonable explanation. The waiter brings their cheesecake.

CINDY And what would said reasonable explanation be? FATHER RILEY We work for an electronics magazine.


He reaches in his pocket for a card. wallet in vain. CINDY That’s OK. FATHER RILEY

He searches his

Oh, that’s right...I ran out and was in such a hurry to pack I forgot to replenish my supply. I’ll get you one later. CINDY So why are the lot of you here? They start to eat. FATHER RILEY We’d like to do a story on the security system here. top notch. you came by. CINDY It looks I’m glad I was actually going

to look you up tomorrow.


Me too.

Anyway...a story huh? Maybe I could

I’ll have to check with my boss in the morning. arrange a tour. FATHER RILEY Oh, that would be excellent! love that! Catherine. I’d And so would Toni and They’re actually the I do

technical part of the team. that sort of thing. CINDY

more of the story layout, theme,

So perhaps I could show you the office and they could get a field trip through the park. FATHER RILEY That would work really well. How about if I call you in the morning with all of our info, so your Boss can check us out and then we can meet late morning?


They complete their desserts. The sound of HUNGARIAN RHAPSODY, fills the room with it’s swelling tumultuous movements.

CINDY That sounds wonderful. They look at each other for a minute. CINDY I should be going now. FATHER RILEY Thanks again for coming by. He stands up as she does. They awkwardly shake hands.

FATHER RILEY Silly, but I never got your name. CINDY I’m Cindy. And you are? FATHER RILEY Riley. You can call me Riley.


CINDY OK...Riley. She walks towards the door and he sits down to pay the check.



Father Riley walks in the door of the hotel room. a laptop. FATHER RILEY Hi honeys, I’m home. SISTER TONI Very funny Father. How’d it go?

Sisters are sitting at the small courtesy table working at

Sister Toni listens while Sister Catherine continues to work. FATHER RILEY Good. She bought the cover story She forgot to ask and is going to arrange tours for us tomorrow.


why I was avoiding people.


two are the technical experts and I’m the story coordinator, so you will get a tour of the grounds. Hopefully, that will include the tunnels below Sen City. That is, if we’re able to pull together some documentation that more or less proves we’re reporters! Papers print out of the portable printer. hands him the sheaf without a word. Father Riley reviews the papers. FATHER RILEY Good. So we work for Electonic’s Target market is We’re doing a story I America. Sister Catherine

Industrial and Commercial Electricians. like it. He puts the papers down. FATHER RILEY on high volume surveillance.


Do the two of you know enough about electronics to pull this off? SISTER TONI Si. And a little danger is always fun. FATHER RILEY Good. I’ll double check your What about figures on supplies and the soft spots here in a bit. legitimate paperwork. A single piece of paper prints out. It shows three business cards or some other

appropriate business cards, one for each of them. FATHER RILEY I’m impressed. You do know how to work that machine don’t you? SISTER CATHERINE Yes. I do. It’s not hard if you Tomorrow have half a brain.

morning we’ll just need to go to a print shop on the way to our supply stop and we’ll be all set.


FATHER RILEY What if they call the number on the card? Sister Catherine finally turns to look at him. him a condescending glare. SISTER CATERHINE All taken care of Father...all taken care of. She gives

MONTAGE – DAY TWO MORNING -- Father Riley and the Nuns walk out of the hotel and get in their car. SUPER: “DAY TWO” -- Vinnie on his cell phone, and the bodyguard with a nose bandage, leave the MGM Grand and get in their car. -- A bird flies over slowly moving cars. After a few

turns, the Accord is eight cars in front of the BMW.


-- The Accord parks at the curb of a print shop. street.


pulls into the electronics store parking lot across the

-- Inside the Print Shop, Sister Catherine gives directions to Cindy’s friend, Punk girl. -- Vinnie pushes a shopping cart filled with wires while on his phone. He’s checking a list.

-- The Catholics wait in the print shop. -- The BMW pulls into another store. up Vinnie’s cart. -- Sister Catherine points out a problem with the card, and intimidates the Punk. -- Vinnie pays for more equipment. -- Sister Catherine pays for the cards. to Father Riley and Sister Toni. -- The Accord crawls up a windy road towards the Overlook. -- The BMW climbs towards the Overlook from the other road that leads to it. -- Both cars pull in to a Vista point parking lot at the same time, raising dust. Large boulders are strung She hands out some The bodyguard loads


about near the edge. seen far below.

Vegas and Sen City can both be



Everyone gets out of their cars. better view.

SLAM, SLAM, SLAM shut as both groups walk to the edge for a

Sen City shimmers in the distant heat. Castle.

Breast Mountain and Chocolate

Dick’s Rocket Ride flank the centerpiece: degrees left of Sen City. Vinnie is not on his cell phone.

The dark high rise hotels of Las Vegas lie 30

The bodyguard begins to load equipment from the BMW trunk to the Honda. FATHER RILEY Hello Vinnie. Your brother drug you into this too, huh? VINNIE I was here on some other business and so thought I’d help all of you


out a bit.

Nice view, huh?


can see my hotel over there. Vinnie points to the left of Sen City. SISTER CATHERINE (to Vinnie) Did you get everything I told you to get? VINNIE Yeah. He’s loading it up. SISTER TONI Let me see the receipts. were a kid you always got something wrong. Vinnie digs in his pocket and comes up with handfuls of crumpled papers. He hands them over to the Sisters, who begin to pour over them with a calculator. Vinnie turns to Father Riley. VINNIE You got your cover story all worked out? You been practicing? When you


FATHER RILEY Sure. He pulls out his wallet and hands Vinnie a card. The Sisters confer, pointing at the receipts. Vinnie looks at the card. VINNIE Nice card. He hands it back to Father Riley. VINNIE But you got the phone number wrong. Sister Catherine takes notice and steps over. SISTER CATHERINE What are you talking about? VINNIE


Right here, Big Sis. 8969 and it’s 8968. number.

Should be Won’t work

and it’s too late to change the Your gonna have to get them to print you a new card. SISTER CATHERINE No – it can’t be! She rips the card out of Father Riley’s hand and frowns at it. SISTER CATHERINE That bloody incompetent punk! I’ll bet she changed it. I had a nine there!! The bodyguard continues loading. Sister Toni finishes adding something up and walks the few steps over to the group. SISTER TONI Vinnie - look at this. I ordered 200 ounces of C-4 and 100,000 feet of wiring. It looks like we got the 200 ounces of C-4 but only I’m sure


50,000 feet of wiring. where’s the detonator?


SISTER CATHERINE That just won’t do. detonator cord? VINNIE The det cord is in the car. here is what you ordered. SISTER TONI It is not. Look. And where’s the walkie talkie’s? She shows him a paper. Vinnie grabs his paper out of another pocket. it. VINNIE Is too. You look. He studies What Radio transmitter? Look, what’s And where’s the radio transmitter and the


Sister Catherine looks like she’s about to hit Vinnie. Father Riley pulls her aside by the wrist. toward the cliff. FATHER RILEY (OS) Look over there Catherine, you can see all the way to our hotel. Sister Toni waves the paper under Vinnie’s nose. SISTER TONI Look Vinnie, this just won’t work. We’ve got to have more wire. place is huge! And the radio transmitter is not an option. The bodyguard starts loading into the back seat of the Accord. VINNIE All right. explosives. At least it’s not the You wouldn’t believe And This They walk

what I had to do to get that! there somewhere. do for you.

I know the walkie talkies are in Here’s what I’ll We’ll go get you some


more wire, but you’ll have to pick it up later. And give me the coke while you’re at it. The bodyguard holds up a walkie talkie. SISTER TONI What, one walkie-talkie? The bodyguard fishes around in the car and produces a second walkie-talkie. SISTER TONI That will do. detonator? The bodyguard digs a bit more. a small black box. Sister Toni looks at it. SISTER TONI Didn’t see this model on the Internet...it’s got a keypad. VINNIE Yeah – it was the only one they had. Said it was new – password He stands up and tosses her Where’s the


protection, some new feature. Father!


Father Riley turns and Vinnie tosses him the detonator. hangs in the air for a split second. and it flashes brightly in the sun.


The light catches it Father Riley snags it.



The weighted down Accord pulls up to the Print Shop curb. Father Riley, Sister Toni and Sister Catherine all get out of the car and start to go into the shop. SISTER CATHERINE No. You two wait here. I want a She’d word with that incompetent, infelicitous blunderer. lock the stable door after a horse had been stolen! She must be a Protestant. Sister Toni sits on the curb. Father Riley looks down at her.


FATHER RILEY Infelicitous? Sister Toni shrugs. Father Riley leans against the car facing across the street and taps a cigarette on the hood. Sister Toni gets up and goes next door for an ice cream cone. The bell on the ice cream store door TINKLES as she walks in. Still leaning on the car, Father Riley faces the print shop and tries to look in the window. Down the street, a CLASSY, LONG-HAIRED LADY in a dress and heels walks towards Father Riley. SLOW MOTION for a moment. She stops in front of Father Riley and looks him up and down. CLASSY, LONG-HAIRED LADY May I have a cigarette? She seems to move in


Father Riley smoothly lights his cigarette and hands it to her. CLASSY, LONG-HAIRED LADY Thanks. She looks at him and raises her eyebrow. The ice cream store door TINKLES. and the Classy Lady. The Classy Lady turns to look at Sister Toni and then looks back at Father Riley. walking. Sister Toni hands Father Riley his ice cream cone. FATHER RILEY How’d you know I like Vanilla? SISTER TONI You’re a cowboy in a white hat kinda guy, Padre. all about? What was that She slowly moves on. After a few steps she looks back over her shoulder and then keeps He looks at her.

Sister Toni walks out

with two ice cream cones and stops, looking at Father Riley


FATHER RILEY What? Sister Toni looks at him with big eyes over the top of her ice cream cone. FATHER RILEY Lady just wanted a cigarette I guess. SISTER TONI Sure Padre. Or maybe I should call you Don Juan. The Classy Lady continues to walk down the street. MATCH CUT: INT. SECURITY GUARD CONTROL ROOM – DAY Cindy walks toward the bank of security monitors. Father Riley stands a few feet away, watching Cindy. CINDY


We went for the top of the line security system here. Given that Sen City is a bit controversial, the owners felt it would be a wise investment. The Tall, skinny security guard walks into the room and hands Cindy a note. Father Riley. CINDY The boss says you all check out. I knew you would. She flashes him a quick smile and turns to the guard. CINDY Could you give Toni and Catherine the grand tour? waiting outside. TALL SKINNY GUARD Sure thing Cindy. Cindy points to the monitors. scenes of Sen City. They show miscellaneous I believe they’re She opens it, reads it and turns to


CINDY With thousands of mounted camera’s, we can see about everywhere inside Sen City, both above and below ground. FATHER RILEY Pretty common, what else? Father Riley watches the Tall Skinny guard walk out the door. CINDY The park is open twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. Father Riley quickly turns to face her. FATHER RILEY Twenty-four seven?? I mean - I thought this place shut down at night for a few hours... CINDY


It was decided at the last minute to go all night, since we’re next to Vegas and all. She motions for him to follow here towards a three foot high display screen off to the right. map-like diagram of Sen City. CINDY There’s a computer that helps monitor the number of workers below ground at any given time. FATHER RILEY Check in, check out sort of thing? Retinal scans? CINDY Exactly. FATHER RILEY Who set the system up for you? CINDY A New Yorker named Sammy Wireman Smythe. The screen shows a


FATHER RILEY Sure, Wireman. He’s the best. CINDY It’s certainly effective. breached. She walks over and sits at her desk. Father Riley follows I can’t imagine how the system would be

and sits down in a chair next to her desk. CINDY ...We also have a little help topside. All the cute devil boys and girls are trained in security procedures and crowd control techniques. Father Riley notices the horse racing book on her desk and points to it. FATHER RILEY Horses? Cindy looks down and laughs.


CINDY Actually, I came here for two reasons. The first is horses. FATHER RILEY Oh? CINDY I grew up on a ranch taking care of horses and my dad and I spent a lot of time at the track. She gets a faraway look in her eyes. CINDY I even spent some time as a jockey. I love horses. FATHER RILEY They’re beautiful creatures. come in? CINDY So where’s the security connection


That’s the second piece. My degree is in business.

It’s Plus I

more of a favor for the owners. believe in this place...Sensual City– I actually think it’s sacred. place. FATHER RILEY Is that what Sen stands for? What’s Sacred sexuality? CINDY Yes. Sen is short for Sensual. Sacred Sex – Tantra...energy...that sort of thing. Father Riley beams at her. FATHER RILEY Hmm, maybe you can tell me more about that some day. you. CINDY The work definitely seems to agree with I love protecting the


Yeah, I agree with it. coming here.

I love

getting up in the morning and

FATHER RILEY I’ve never been to a horse race. CINDY Really? out. There’s a race in about an hour I was thinking of checking Would you like to go? FATHER RILEY I’d love to – let’s go.

INT. EXT. SEN CITY – DAY Sister Toni and Sister Catherine follow the Tall Skinny Guard through a hallway to a retinal scanning device. eyes are scanned and then each of them follow. They each get the green light. As they move forward, the guard looks over his shoulder. TALL SKINNY GUARD His


Your eyes are cleared for today only. They move through layers of hallways and go through a doorway. HUGE TUNNEL They walk into a tunnel that seems more like an underground street than a dark cave. It’s well lit and metal beams support the high roof. Wire conduits run everywhere. Golf carts with maintenance workers move slowly and quietly through the tunnel. They hop into a golf cart and head through the tunnels. occasionally points things out to them. SISTER TONI How do you know where we are? TALL SKINNY GUARD The number lettering scheme on the poles. He points to a support pole labeled G27. He


TALL SKINNY GUARD All the carts have a map, and after you’ve been here awhile, you get used to it. The tunnels seem endless. camera. TALL SKINNY GUARD Some of the cameras are hidden. Even we don’t know where they all are. Finally, they park the cart, head out the door and down more blank hallways. TALL SKINNY GUARD Let me show you the computer room. COMPUTER ROOM Inside room, the guard points out to the racks of computers. TALL SKINNY GUARD The guard points to a swiveling


The servers in here capture all the images from the thousands of cameras throughout the park. There are programs that sort the images and report things of interest. SISTER CATHERINE Since you wouldn’t want to overwhelm the guards on duty. TALL SKINNY GUARD Right. And if there is something suspicious going on, alarms will sound for him. SISTER CATHERINE Or her. well. TALL SKINNY GUARD Yeah, I’m sure that’s here too. SISTER CATHERINE Pretty elaborate. TALL SKINNY GUARD Probably a database with the retinal imaging information as


Top of the line.

Hey, am I going

to be in your article?

Sister Catherine ignores him.



At the ticket counter, Cindy and Father Riley place a $50 bet. Inside the pits, she shows him the horses. the nose. In the hallway, he buys her a drink and a hot dog from a standalone vendor. She kisses him on the cheek. She pats one on

In the stands, they cheer during a race. At the end of the race she jumps up and down madly and puts her arms around him. They kiss briefly. FATHER RILEY How much did you win? CINDY Only 1500 bucks.


FATHER RILEY Only? Cindy shrugs her shoulders. In the hallway, they walk with the crowd. the line at the ladies restroom. over and stands in line. Father Riley waits for her near a pay phone. looks around and picks it up. INTERCUT – TRACK HALLWAY/HOTEL POOL FATHER RILEY Hello. Vegas track. VINNIE Hello Father. FATHER RILEY Is that you Vinnie? Vinnie is lying face down on a chaise lounge near the hotel pool. Baby is putting lotion on his shoulders. It RINGS. He She points to

He nods and she walks


VINNIE Yeah, it’s me Father. got some bad news. FATHER RILEY What is it? VINNIE Well Father, word has it that you haven’t exactly been thrilled to be here. Father Riley looks around to see if he can spot Vinnie. FATHER RILEY What are you talking about Vinnie? Listen, I

VINNIE We need a little assurance that you’re going to go through with this deal. Down the hallway, two men start to scuffle. FATHER RILEY


Assurance, huh? VINNIE We’ve noticed you hanging out with Cindy. FATHER RILEY A bit. her? VINNIE Not exactly - let’s just say we want her to stay healthy. But you’re being a little too wishy washy with helping my brother out. FATHER RILEY Killing a bunch of people even for the Church or your probably renegade brother, just doesn’t seem like the right thing to do. VINNIE Like sleeping around when you’re a priest is? The scuffle down the hallway turns into a fist fight. Why, are you threatening


FATHER RILEY I know, believe me. I’ve sworn off women. VINNIE Right. anyway? One of the guys fighting down the hall hits the other below the belt. The one who was hit falls to the floor. FATHER RILEY After that Vietnam stint...I just wanted a little peace...I thought I could deal with the no women part... VINNIE Why not be a Minister – one of those other religions? FATHER RILEY C’mon Vinnie, I’m from the Catholic side of Irish. option. Not an Why are you a priest It’s not But easy, living with myself.


VINNIE Whatever Father...you can screw all the babes you want after this deal. Cindy. on her. The guy on the floor gets up and the other guy knocks him under the chin. He flies backwards and lands in a heap. FATHER RILEY Why are you messed up with this deal Vinnie. you? VINNIE I like helping out my big brother. Also, Sen City’s been cutting into my revenue stream. So you in or do you need more motivation? Cindy will be coming out of the bathroom soon...we could take her for a joy ride if you like. FATHER RILEY What’s in it for Including your ‘friend’ Meanwhile, we need your

expertise, so we’re keeping an eye


I don’t have a choice...but leave Cindy out of it. VINNIE Just play ball Father – it’ll all be over soon. FATHER RILEY Fine. Father Riley slams down the phone. down the hall where the fight was. walks up to him. CINDY You look upset. Is everything OK? Guards are gathering He turns and Cindy

FATHER RILEY Just some bad news from an old friend. Let’s get out of here.



Father Riley walks in the door and SLAMS it behind him.


He walks into the room and sees Sister Catherine reading on the bed. running. FATHER RILEY What exactly do you think you’re doing? SISTER CATHERINE Reading. huff? FATHER RILEY What have you been telling the Archbishop? SISTER CATHERINE Ah, got wind of that did you? Well, Father Darwin, what did you expect? Father Riley kicks the bed. FATHER RILEY You really are frigid aren’t you? What’s got you in a The bathroom door is closed and the SHOWER is


SISTER CATHERINE I guess that means you’ll be helping us set up tonight? Father Riley turns and walks toward the door. FATHER RILEY You and your brothers sure know how to treat your friends, don’t you?! He steps into the hallway, SLAMMING the door.



A foot kicks in the front door. room floor with a dull THUD.

Vinnie’s bodyguard moves into the house by stepping on the door. He has a splint on one finger.

Vinnie slowly walks in behind the bodyguard. The bodyguard notes the candle-lit place setting that adorns the dining room table as he heads to the kitchen. A


pitcher of water and steaming plates of food sit on the counter between the dining room and kitchen. Inside the kitchen, Cindy stops cooking and heads into the dining room. Cindy sees the bodyguard and SHRIEKS. Vinnie walks towards her as the bodyguard rips the tablecloth off of the table. settings CRASH to the floor. Cindy reaches to stop the bodyguard as he moves towards the living room. stopping her. CINDY What are you doing? VINNIE Where’s the money? CINDY What money? VINNIE Vinnie reaches out and grabs her arm, The candles and place


I hate this part. play stupid? The pony money!! already? CINDY

Why do you all Pony it up! You

You know what money!

owe 250K – have you forgotten

I...don’t have it yet. VINNIE I told ya not to blow more at the track. today? CINDY ...I won 1500 dollars. VINNIE Oh great – that helps tremendously. Cindy notices small flames crawling amongst the wreckage of the place settings. CINDY Can you...I...put that out? What were you doing there


VINNIE Where’s the money? CINDY Give me two days. 48 hours. That’s a lot of money - I need to talk to some people. VINNIE How much do you have here? CINDY Just five grand. VINNIE Where is it? CINDY Put that fire out and I’ll tell you. Vinnie and Cindy stare at each other. fills the room. Vinnie breaks the Smoke

contest and calmly throws some water on the fire.

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