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Notebook 1942 e

Notebook 1942 e

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April I948-March I95I

No cigarettes before noon. Keeping stubbornly at 'Work. It overcomes lapses.

oneself and the harshness of fate, and yet three flunkies of the law courts are enough ...

Portraits. From under her veil, she looks out with her beautiful eyes. Calm beauty, rather a milkmaid's. She suddenly speaks and her mouth screws up into a parallelogram. She is ugly. Society woman.

You speak to him. He speaks. Suddenly, while continuing his sentence, his eyes are elsewhere, still on you by necessity but already wandering. Lady-killer.

In a world that has ceased to believe in sin, the artist is responsible for the preaching. But if the priest's words carried, this is because they were fed by example. Hence the artist strives to become an example. This is why he is shot or deported, to his great distress. Besides, virtue is not learned so rapidly as the handling of a submachine gun. The fight is unequal.

To give oneself has no meaning. unless one possesses oneself. - Or else, one gives oneself to escape one's own poverty. You can give only what you have. To be your own master before disarming. X.: "It was the year of my peritonitis." "It was just after my perforated intestine" . . . etc. Visceral calendar.

After the assassination of Alexander II, address of the Executive Committee to Alexander III; " ... Better than anyone, we understand how sad is the loss of such talents, of so much energy in the work of destruction." " ... A peaceable battle of ideas will corne to take the place of the violence that is more distasteful to us than to your servants and that we practice only by virtue of a sad necessity."

See strange deposition of Ryssakov, ready to serve as an informer in order to have his life spared. But he provides himself with reasons (p. 137 of "Famous Russian Trials").

Trial - When one thinks of the irreplaceable quality of a great heart's experience, the sum of knowledge it implies, the number of great battles fought and won against

Lieutenant Schmidt; "My death will crown all and, with torture added to it, my cause will be irreproachable and perfect."


G. That mouth scoured by the filthy erosion of sensual pleasure.


Revolt. Chapter on appearing (to oneself and to others). Dandyism, the motive for so many forms of action, even the revolutionary form.

So long as man has not dominated desire, he has dominated nothing. And he almost never dominates it.

Vinaver.! The writer is finally responsible toward society for what he does. But he must accept (and this is where he must be very modest, not at all demanding) not knowing his responsibility in advance, being ignorant so long as he is writing of the conditions of his commitment, taking a risk.

Essay. Introduction. Why refuse denunciation, police, etc .... if we are neither Christians nor Marxists? We have no value for that. Until we have found a basis for those values, we are condemned to choose the good (when we do choose it) in an unjustifiable way. Virtue will always be illegitimate until that time.

First Cycle. From my first books (Noces) to La Corde and The Rebel, my whole effort has been in reality to depersonalize myself (each time, in a different tone). Later on, I shall be able to speak in my own name.
1 Michel Vinaver, the author of (195 1 ).

Lataume (1950) and L'ObjecteuT


April 1948-March 1951

Great souls interest me-and they alone. But I am not a great soul.

Preface to collection of articles.> "One of my regrets is having sacrificed too much to objectivity. Objectivity at times is a self-indulgence. Today things are clear and what belongs to the concentration camp, even socialism, must be called a concentration camp. In a sense, I shall never again be polite." I strove toward objectivity, contrary to my nature. This is because I distrusted freedom.

Zybin, the unbeatable decoder on the Okhrana, is kept in his post by the G.P.U. Id. Kommissarov, an organizer of pogroms on behalf of the Okhrana, goes over to the Cheka. "Go underground" (illegality). "The acts of terrorism must be carefully organized. The party will assume the moral responsibility. That will assure the heroic fighters the necessary peace of mind." Azev-grave number 1,466 in the cemetery of a Berlin suburb. Several days before the attempt On Plehve's life, he warned "in general" Lopoukhin of the Okhrana and asked
2 Draft of a preface for



for a raise," He denounced the terrorists of the South to let the terrorists of Petersburg have a free hand. Plehve was killed; what Azev had said: "It's not from that direction (Guerchoum) that you have anything to fear."

pp. 175-7 6.
3 In 1908 it was proved that Eugene Azef, the head of the terrorist organization who had plotted various assassinations, was also in the pay of the secret police. Vyacheslav Plehve, the reactionary Minister of the Interior under Nicholas II, was assassinated by terrorists in July

19 4.
4 Roman Malinovsky, the leader of the Bolshevik Party in the Duma, was likewise shown to be a police agent.


Zoubatov the director. Defended the accused before a false committee of inquiry. And he made of him an informer. Nine times out o f ten the revolutionary developed a passion for his job as an informer.

22 1

The revolution of 1905 began with the strike of a Moscow printing plant where the workers were asking that periods and commas be counted as characters in evaluating piecework. The St. Petersburg Soviet in 1905 called the strike with shouts of Down with capital punishment.

During the Moscow Commune, in Trubnai'a Square, in front of a building destroyed by the canons, a plate containing a piece of human flesh was exposed with a poster saying : "Give your mite for the victims."

Provocation. The Malinovsky

case.' Cf. Laporte,

The only ones who can condemn absolutely are those who are absolutely innocent .. It knows that man cannot be pure. in the presence of the silent masses. But he can make the effort of recognizing his impurity. . To Dimitri Bogrov. Novel.April 1948-March 1951 Interview Bourtzev-Azev in Frankfort-after the condemnation. Criminals are always judges . Never get bogged down. . 23 1 . the assassin of Stolypin. Intimate Journal.. Force of life. End the first of June. in other words. This is why God must be absolutely innocent. 221. In short. whereas people think it impossible to put into practice. An essay on the alibi. is granted the favor of being hanged in white tie and tails. an instant of indescribable happiness. The whole history of Russian terrorism can be looked upon as a struggle between the intellectuals and absolutism. Cf. the Gospel is realistic. Putting a person to death is suppressing his chance of perfection. of pardoning. Laporte. In the endless suffering of the camp. Then travels. p.

which I am now old enough to read with veneration. if that's what it's made of. simply that modern man is obliged to be concerned with politics. Preface. Berberova) "If that emotion of the artist that is called inspiration were never interrupted. at the Ministry of Justice.NOTEBOOK VI April 1948-March 195 1 How to live without a few good reasons for despairing! word. through my defects rather than through my virtues.Calling oneself a revolutionary and rejecting on the other hand the death penalty" (quote Tolstoy preface-that preface by Tolstoy. and taking everything into consideration.. the limiting of liberties. And now. one may call oneself a rebel. it would be impossible to live. The thought that I am good for nothing. I have never been able to refuse any of the obligations I encountered. "I hope so. worries and torments me. is not well enough known). (You will lose your credit. for instance) out of absentmindedness. and wars. Recruiting. because of history. Novel. etc. Finally. which could not 6 Passage reinstated by the French publishers." (Tchaikovsky) "In moments of idleness. forsake "the human" as they say." (N. I used to give myself subjects as pretexts to force myself to speak out. An uncompromising theory of reform. . From this point of view. amounts to saying nothing. with a dissatisfaction. it's the party of thwarted vocations. I am seized with the thought of never being capable of achieving perfection." (Tchaikovsky) And yet his music. Hence one must declare that one is not a revolutionarybut more modestly a reformer. I am concerned with it. I am told. "In him there rose so violent a desire to create that only his tremendous ability to work was able to satisfy it. May 49. And he knew now what he had suffered as long as that love lasted. in morality. and in disinterestedness because of psychology. is mediocre. From this point of view. Heavy recruiting. Preface book of political essays.") Tchaikovsky had the habit of eating papers (even quite important ones. most often. It's the one posltion that allows them to look down on artists. you may imagine." The lovers in stone. a self-hatred. the last essay expresses rather well what I think. Work is what saves me. Most would-be writers go toward Communism. 2I4 . But one cannot believe in evil. in the deeper sense of the 5 See One cannot believe in kindness. that only my great activity mitigates my faults and raises me to the rank of man. 215 Actuelles. in spite of myself and because.

. vi es One never says a quarter of what one knows. e Mounter advises me in Esprit to give up polities since I have no head for it (this indeed is obvious) and to be satisfied with the quite noble role. And the only vocation I feel in 216 . e n . it would require a spotless conscience. s .. e r n et s o. e n at t w t i hn When you have once seen the glow of happiness on the face of a beloved person.. When the barbarians from the north had destroyed the sweet kingdom of Provence and made of us Frenchmen . and they are eo already nm screaming. finally torn away from this cruel earth. and you are torn by the thought of the unhappiness and night you cast. you know that a man can have no other vocation than to awaken that light on the faces surrounding him . l . which would be so charmingly appropriate to me.d had petrified them in the very enthusiasm of their love and they were henceforth forever p fixed face to face. in the hearts you encounter. NOTEBOOK VI r knowing nothing of the desires whirling around them and he turned toward each other as if toward the resplendent face ac of the complementary love. v e ds o um ne l eh se sa v . by the mere fact of living. e b em all would collapse.. As to the "noble" role of sounding the alarm. of sounding the alarm. How little one says. But what is a political mind? Reading Esprit doesn't tell me. Otherwise.

aloQg the ro~yd bY'~~eat as she inspected'"i'lfi.~. I didn't want to be.h ye zer. [I' ~chniq e of th am gam as alr~y practiced in ~. a man of the abyss. and abundantly (except for fortune.I 1 '· ey are not spotless and reasons why they lack something.. Little by little. Gheo~ghiu points ou~grrectly that Christ's condemnation (all~d t rture) w s c fused 't!t that O. . 2 I7 . which means nothing to me): to live the life of a normal man. I see the abyss coming closer..._/". .lr empire.. The sole effort of my life. according 0 G.'f tVtwo thieves.. The tremendous effort did no good. se~h!foican Journal. The apology of murder from man to man is one of the stages on the path of revolt. t1 ten thousand innocent men a set between two guilty men. th~lage facades erecte~~u. The 0' pro e . give a new value to murder in order to oppose it to anonymous and cold and abstract destruction. April I948-March m y s e l f i s t e l l i n g c o n s c i e n c e s t h a t t h ~u L Y '49 .. instead of succeeding ever better in my undertaking. ~. the rest having been given me. JU~~~49>'-""_~P' S E P T E MB E R '49 To finish up.

"Somewhere. no meaning consoles us for it. They love no one. but they don't love the masses. For them. . The great Imam Ali: "The world is a decaying carcass.NOTEBOOK VI April I948-March I95I Czapski (Inhuman Land) tells how Russian children would pour water over the bodies of German soldiers found in the snow and the next morning would use the frozen bodies as toboggans. They were really loved. They want the good of the masses." :1-18 "One can love in chains. ." Communism. he loved them. . Following him would have been bad." rd . deeply burned into him.The death of Rosa Luxemburg: "For the others. which until then had always upheld him . and that. definitively. but at such a distance that the word love took on a new meaning. for him at least it would be absolute death. the memory of her face tortured by suffering ." . and when the love of life disappears. . through stone walls several yards thick. "There are no isolated sacrifices." "He longed for two things. the only victory would be to realize that the love can be great even when the lover is not great. Second distinction: they long desperately to have character. sooner or later." Sperber: "May God punish the devout who instead of going to church enter a revolutionary party in order to make a church of it." "He carried with him. the first of which was absolute possession. never forsaking him will be good. Dostoevsky says. he was inferior to love. skeptical fanaticism. Whoever desires a piece of this world will live with dogs. She was right. Behind each individual who sacrifices himself stand others whom he sacrifices with him without asking their opinion." Stendhal: "Difference between Germans and other nations: they get excited through meditation instead of calming down. Speaking of a master (Grenier?): "Meeting that man has brought great happiness. '49 Novel. The victory. But he now knew that he was not great. Men are so well aware that love is destined for death that they work on the memory of that love as long as they live. she had been dying for twelve years." 2I 9 . and true love is impossible. in a remote region of his soul. . Yes. The second was the absolute memory he wanted to leave her. He wanted to leave her a great idea of himself SP that their love would be great. But he was not yet ready for such terrible modesty. It was at about that time that he lost his self-respect. . But let a tiny part of the heart be subject to duty. not even themselves. instead of the absolute memory. etc. she had been dead for twelve years. that she would know it some day. . OCT 0 B E R One must love life before loving its meaning.

Guilloux. Or else his virtues were those of the mind. For with her lofty standards she considered it natural that he should die because he had failed." "Everything is to be forgiven. Cruel and sad evenings descending on that limitless land. The absurd implies an absence of choice. But he knew that it was that day." "It was that day that he lost her. no further life was possible." "He shouted to her that this meant death for him and she did not consider herself touched. reveal a Single weakness. the playacting. Choosing is killing." "I was petty before loving. even solitude." "He told her that the love of men was like this. The misfortune came only later. But this is because he fancied the suffering noble and harmonious. Such are the privileges of love.NOTEBOOK VI April 1948-March 195I "He imagined a future of solitude and suffering. The objection to the absurd is murder. Concerning Love) Keen in mind and paltry in heart. Despair consists in not knowing one's reasons for fighting and even whether or not one must fight. When it is lost. In order to keep her he ought never to have failed. not of the heart. just because I was sometimes tempted to consider myself great. And in reality he thus imagined a future without suffering. The artist's misfortune is that he is neither altogether a monk nor altogether a layman-and that he has both sorts of temptations. The real problem of the moment: punishment. losing the idea of his 21 2 ." 220 Who can tell the anguish of the man who sided with the creature against the creator and who. Existence always winds up by being a bad deed. the romantic element. Her standards were such that he could not commit a single mistake. But the moment pain was there. and that he had to conquer himself. a will and not a grace. "There is an honor in love. What he liked in her was the outer life. Revolt. she had accepted it and would accept it in the future. Walking in Paris: this memory: fires in the Brazilian countryside and the aromatic scent of coffee and spices. Living is choosing. She insisted to him that this was not love. From anyone else she would have accepted it. and first of all existing. apparently. And he took a difficult pleasure in such imaginings." (Stendhal. love is nothing." "He had lost everything. Not from him.

Except for God. forgive him."7 Of course not.how comfortable a feel it is to feel that such a Crime must bring its heavy Penalty . . for there is no other way of possessing her than to keep anyone from possessing her. Novel. it rather makes me laugh. L A 0 CT 0 B E R TE Monnerot. Even his cleanliness is unusual. this backsliding ought to crush me. p. It does indeed crush me. But the cyanide is got through to him . He had the whole night ahead of him." and then: "No. . "Get thee to a nunnery [" Yes indeed. got'" F. That strange look in the eyes which did not yet belong to him . But following on an unbroken succession of crushings.: Folly of basing anything on love. whose advantages one can readily endure: they don't concern the body. And even then. That is true of an artist. "So sensitive that he could have touched pain with his hands. He was no longer walking into a wall.. I am liberated.) Keats again: "There is no greater Sin after the seven deadly than to flatter oneself into an idea of being a great Poet [. absolutely false of a thinker." and relish that moment . It's because God was jealous of our suffering that he came to die on the Cross.] . I. It is suspect-like those excessively large rosettes that crooks wear on their lapels. go. and himself. The first quotation may be found in The Letters of John Keats (edited by M. He was going to be able to choose . Relapse own innocence. Sorry honor. Condemned to death.NOTEBOOK VI April 1948 -March 1951 '49. II." (Amy Lowell speaking of Keats. In that same letter (1820). In the end. And there. folly of breaking anything for love. Tell himself: "Come on now. . in what is thought to be his last letter to Fanny Brawne (Vol. Madness too is a liberation.. 7 Probably from Socioloqie du communisme (1949) by Jules Monnerot. B. A vast feeling of well-being filled him. p. one moment more.. Forman). Vol. Keats writes: "Hamlet's "heart was full of such Misery as mine is when he said to Ophelia 'Go to a Nunnery. 32. about the grave. he began to laugh. 222 223 . and that of others.. in the solitude of his cell."8 Lacking love. "The fecundity of a producer of ideas (he is speaking of Hegel) is proven by the multiplicity of possible translations (interpretations) . An invalid must be clean to make people forget him. 349).. What a revenge I What a contradiction I After such a long certainty of being cured. and the second one. to be as criminal as the creator. judges the creature. one can try to have honor. 8 Camus quotes Keats in French. ..

suddenly fill the stage of the universe. Rajk leaned his head to the right. helps likewise in dying. Apropos of Browning: the average man-just as he concerns me. Piero della Francesca. In law courts. Today everyone pretends to be interested. created by us and suffering. more numerous than the living. not an illusion. but exaggerated. as he never did before. Kleist who burns his manuscripts twice . which helps in living. What characterized history was the great number of people not interested in the suffering of others. silent until then. It is created here. Peer Gynt tells his fellow citizens that the devil promised the crowd to imitate perfectly a pig's grunts. And yet the sounds heard came from a piglet that the devil was carrying under his cloak and pinching. They were there." (Keats) Chesterton. For millennia the world was like those Italian paintings of the Renaissance showing men being tortured on a cold marble floor while others were looking elsewhere with utter abstraction. He appears and performs. The number of uninterested persons was staggering in comparison with the interested persons. witnesses suddenly turn around toward the one who was flagellated. but without jurisprudence. . But they were surrounded by a general abstraction and this made up for that. . death comes along. All regretted that the effect was exaggerated. Justice is a mystery. throughout a whole life. a secret crowd. it is a mistake to believe that it is given us fully created. The end of Don Giovanni: the voices of damnation. "I am glad there is such a thing as the grave. Courage I Courage! Beauty. When the soul is ready. Sometimes the unin224 Marxism is a philosophy based on procedure. Ibsen at the end suffering from amnesia and relearning the alphabet ...NOTEBOOK VI April 1948-March 195 I If there is a soul. But after the performance the criticisms were dogmatic. 225 . Rajk trial:" The idea of the objective criminal who brings about the explosion between two aspects of man is an idea of current procedure. Worth noting: during the whole trial. terested ones had their turn. Some considered the voice too high and others too artful. And living is nothing else but that long and painful bringing forth. blind at the end of his life . 9 The trial of Rajk took place in September I949.

NOTEBOOK VI April 1948 . I'd have given him back that liberty.. If I had found it then. Those condemned to death in reality not executed.) To overcome? But anguish is just that.as reported b)~ ~ovel. At least thiyrSth~d14r'6ermab prin . one n:ust ha~~18 mo m ic possibl\.L. There is no ~ther way. devoid of will and of future.Nfttural L~ a l/ -. is a great woman. the which one is never superior. Greatness consists in trying to be great. (This is why M. herev ~ants to have. Again~al punishluent. "I was looking for a way of not dying of his \ liberty. Fichte~S¥stem.~ <» : :> Those moments when one yields to anguish as one does to physical pain: lying down.March 195 I ld. listening only to the long twinges of pain. (' '. slaves.. who live through another life in Siberia or elsewhere (hero of a novel). motionless." 226 .o£.

they do not live in despair: they know that love exists. without a future." in rEte.. Novel. more terrible than the day of death. 1 Virtue is meritorious today.. my tears had a meaning.~Jdi1~Yc~~. This is why it happens. " Days at sea.~. "For ten years he had not been able to enter a theater . But there I. that anguish was empty. unrecognized anguish is the cup that is constantly offered us. "One final word. Because one knows what one is capable of thinking. Suffering in her presence was a delightful happiness. Martyrs are forgotten." Essay on the Sea. that some marriages are happy. I turned toward that part of me that loves no one and sought refuge there. Physical jealousy is in great part a judgment on oneself. to disfigure that face in order to spare my heart the desperate shock caused by memory . that life "rebellious to forgetting. the newspapers go on. Once they have fallen. rebellious to remembering." "At present. into the thickets and the thorns. but not to say something. the lack of love being more frequent than love.NOTEBOOK VI April 1948 -March 195 1 Novel. But solitary. 228 Merle.pt tactlcs(praised ~ageouslYhls ~ctim:-' . "At the end of those exhausting sufferings. with head lowered.Jn~hi~ Merle c an .! The desperate man has no native land. I am saving all my pity for myself. . implacably. Lambert." Guilloux: "In the end." ld." are on them. She could see them. one doesn't write to say something. whomhe ib led)t"o{n on~o th~ef. Then I returned. but from which we shall have to drink someday. Great sacrifices are not backed up.. The question is to destroy it in me scrupulously. r knew that the sea existed and that is why I lived in the midst of this mortal time. There I caught my breath. a lackmailing journalist. With her gone. my anguish. Nights of anguish leave a hangover-like other nights." is nothing in common. 227 See "L a Mer au plus pres. The question is not to carryon a delightful. 'When she was here and we used to tear each other apart. 0 my love. " "Kill that love. one fancies that the other is thinking in the same way. And true anguish is empty anguish.. from which we turn away obstinately. got nothing from X. E People insist on confusing marriage and love on the one hand. Thus people who love each other and are separated can live in pain. happiness and love 011 the other. But whatever they say. They rise up and all eyes Novel. bitter dialogue with a beautiful image that has disappeared." according to Stevenson.

229 . Tolstoy in the Chibunin affair pleaded in court for the defendant. The latter 2 E. Lambert. made an appeal for him after the death sentence. a friend of Jean Grenier. guilty of having struck his captain.who p d up at once. wrote to his aunt to ask her to influence the Minister of War.

A. had a long liaison with the poet Alfred de Vigny. he felt doubts corning into being." ld. loyalty.. 23I 230 . .S. glorious bearing. de Vigny. his will to love hardened.-V~t~::>~··kruny-nml¥2~. he holds sway in the teller's cages of banks. Scobie. Hence. e w te ar a eace betjseen 18. Melville 5 Streptomycin and Para-Aminosalicylic Acid (or familiarly P. tempted him in the dark like a sin.J>d~fortyone. comes from The Heart of the Matter (1948). and presently with constant failure the wish died too perhaps or changed into this painful affection. For the terrorists the scaffold was the final proof of love. " Streptc= ao grams from November 6 to December 5. " Novel." "I did not separate from M. In 1843. hair thin.. "As a result of questioning him as to his love. the more she appealed to his heart. ~~/ i After so much absence.""~~Il:! """" know mel" 3 This second group of passages from Graham Greene. quoted in French." ld..S. which the English had had granted to them through force. which was found unfinished on hiS'ffi!' orkt b : "In the world. "Virtue. '49· P. an adulterer. THe last work of Tolstoy. no longer recognizing herself: "Is it true. and this kept him from intervening. but tore myself away!" Christ agonizes now in law courts. And as the doubts gradually increased. The knout in his hand. that physical pleasure can make me cry out?" Her passport delivered by Toulouse: "Figure misshapen. twe~~~ve a.NOTEBOOK VI April 1948-March 195 1 pointed out only that Tolstoy had forgotten to give the address of the regiment. and 186. + The actress Marie Dorval (1798-1849)." Any murder to be justified must be balanced with love. "In human love there is never such a thing as victory: only a few minor tactical successes before the final defeat of death or indifference.) are two medicaments used in the modern treatment of tuberculosis. Chibunin was executed throu9h Tolstoy's fault. Camus took the customary doses. who played the great heroines of French Romantic drama.A. tell me. the more abstract his love became. "Love was the wish to understand." '" e s bo in 1 8. l\f~tr~9~f4t. '49· + 0 grams Strepto from November 13 to January 2 25 .-360 grams from November 6 to December 5. as a result especially of the anguish she put into that interrogation. the Americans liberate Hawaii. pity . the good life. The day after Tolstoy received the letter asking him to fill in that omission. there are no 9uilty.

! Melville Pierre Frederix (Gallimard. during that period.··~ve ~ . takes the most horrible revenge on his enemies. he solemnly declared. r Me~ville.u . (pp." Bitter are the waters of death . or religious restraint for ten consecutive days". truth infernal. present.hi&<nbe ri:€{~ 6 Camus had obviously been reading Herma." Hqw~e speal(ing of Melvil1:.. 1:22-3) That sacred uncertainty. 23 2 Melville's note on the margins of Shelley'S Essays: "Milton's Satan is morally very superior to his God. as whoever perseveres despite adversity and torture is superior to whoever.. all the laws of the territory were suspended. The king invites his subjects "to celebrate their happiness by ceasing to observe any moral.. which always keeps men and nations in suspense. . in the cold assurance of an unquestioned triumph. of which Melville speaks. .Me.giv~!!!y'9)Rse-irfNOTEBOOK VI . incident as related in a postscript to The other references to Melville derive from the same reading.: "He ~~i~ve'"' nor ~om~~dh. the ag . i ¢ of mrt. 1950). legal. Mistakes are joyful.

: I . but who.. inflexible. histle. Before suffering. I don't know. Locked up for three days. u . And on his death bed: "It was not 1. . He gives his son three days to confess. leaves something to be desired for ideas. The father dies." the L.G. he had a great longing for chocolate and succumbed to it. He denies it. He comes out. But Gaston m~y sneezes.April 1948-March 1951 L." 233 . de Bocquande's grandfather.. bullets w . "1 cannot confess what 1 haven't done.fra ic. Otherwise he will be a cabin boy (the family is rich)." The father. becomes a captain.: "I am a twisted person. The day he separated from his wife. "I cannot confess a wrong I didn't do. spends his life at sea. The only way I can know my capacity for love is from my capacity for anguish. "Ah . And fait'JU'hl to '1 . as Stendhal says. ard e~~s~ob~l~hesi . The child grows up. t ~he ~ hi~es of ~it . sends him to sea as a cabin boy. He grows old. At school he is accused of an impropriety.~iber t~ of paris.' ~ F. Locked up for three days.rather beautiful. The story of M." The father is informed. He denies it.

~ I .

( overI came such taboos only in State o f Siege. Perhaps also that distrust is aimed at my basic anarchy and thereby is useful. the idea that a certain thing "isn't done. ." which is foreign to me as a child of a free nature. as in others there are moral or religious vetoes.NOTEBOOK VI Preface to L'Envers et Tendroit:' "There are in me artistic vetoes. the violence of certain instincts. . ) ". the graceless surrender into which 1 can fall. The forbidden. belongs to me as a slave (and an admiring slave) of a rigorous artistic tradition. The work of art to be erected (I am speaking in the future) must use those incalculable forces of . generally scorned. I know my disorder. and this explains the affection 1 feel for that work.

was finally reissued in Paris with a long preface in 1958. I have a romantic soul and have always had considerable trouble interesting it in something else. finally. Novel. toward the solitary and calm. breathless voice. "It seems to me that I can do it. the folly of justice. as here. But what they had to contain was strong too. L'Envers et l'endroit.m an . Camus's first book. "Duty and virtue are for it but a total 7W ritten in 1935-36 and originally published in Algiers in 1937. The breadth of my experiences. and returning through wars. a man's quest to recover a love resembling that silence. B ut n ot w it h o ut su rr o u n di n g th e m w it h ba rri er s. I shall set . " 234 "My chief occupation despite appearances has always been love (its pleasures for a long time and. a mother's wonderful silence. finding it at last. It is taking on oneself the world's misfortune. its most painful transports).. pain. On the day when balance is established. I shall try to write the work of which 1 am dreaming. With her. " Maritain. my violence and my submission ... the death of which is a happy silence. "She had a way of repeating three times '1 love you' in a whispered. It will be like L'Envers et l'endroit. everything I feel. he had been able to pretend. A sort of intuition like geniUS made her aware of what was going through his heart." "Sanctity likewise is a revolt: it is refusing things as they are. never. Rebellious atheism (absolute atheism) puts history in the place of God and substitutes for revolt an absolute submission. a certain form of love will be my guiding support. losing it." Publicity blurb for The Just Assassins: Terror and justice." Criticism of The Just Assassins: "No idea of love." If 1 were so unfortunate as not to know love and wanted to 235 . April 1948 '-March 195 1 submission and a total immolation of itself to the sacred voracity of growth. victoriously. looked through him. in other words. my professional knowledge.." In the spring when all is over write Little things at random. Novel.. M y ba rri er s ev en today are too strong.. I shall set in the center. like a rather subversive credo . "With most women.

. Delacroix. They are closer to nature in a thousand ways: ld. be active in my memory. men want to be both rich and free. Of course. " ." The Duke of Policastro. Poor and free rather than rich and enslaved." (Stendhal. and this is what leads them at times to be poor and enslaved. It was in them that I truly encountered the beauty of the ancients. who was guarded by a jealous husband.. Chap. their clothing. Everything that goes through my head.. Story of Dona Diana. The Philanthropists. p. began to travel. so long as I live. is not new ideas. it is that dominant idea that what has been said has not yet been said enough.NOTEBOOK VI April 1MB-March 1951 put myself in the ridiculous position of learning about it. who "every six months traveled a hundred leagues to see for a quarter of an hour in Lecca an adored mistress.. I'd not turn to Paris or the gazettes to study it.. etc. An atheist when he was a model husband. Consequently beauty 237 When all is over: write a hodgepodge. more than I can bear. "The illusions I create with my painting are the most real thing in me." Id." Cf. The end of philanthrophy is trials. The rest is shifting sand.. Life o f Rossini) Id. This is a great misfortune . Stendhal (Concerning Love): "Man is not free not to do what causes him more pleasure than all other possible acts." Mogador." Id. The men of that strong race will always. Revolt: the end of revolt without God is philanthropy. 108).. 236 ~ . "Exceptionally beautiful women astonish less the second day. who considered it a deception to spend his youth in political hatreds. "The appearance of that region (Morocco) will always remain in my eyes. Preface to Political Essays: "Upon the fall of Napoleon the author of the following pages." Delacroix: "What makes men of genius . he was converted when he became an adulterer. twilights of shadows and ice .. the form of their shoes. End of scene theater (Garnier. The end of a cold day.

. • .7-. w~. Grace takes revenge on our learning. To _ ..~.oethe (with reasonable justification for his liudgm.. i~ b . are an object of pity. "lha~an who always see . ~perea·. 'v. ithout forgettin a Jw.. . self doing .. April 1948 ..... ~ .o~ '\. Creating costs me a thousand deaths.March ...-." /'1' / revolu .QL Pat....u-after the ~.. ----~ -'" " -----" . But without it I should die scattered..".. ".. 1 -I 2 freedom " and tl}ey~sI~:'::~'_'~w~'''"'· /..--.. 195 N 0 have never seen very clearly into myself in the final analysis.... -~ ~ -~ ... a frightful disorder..aaiinn~tit ithh a affectationl" . ~f1'()" on minds t..lm:fl!! pages on.ldllJ'ss. for it involves an order and my whole being rebels against order.. We in our corsets... . " ' t. J A UA RY10.... ~ """'..I /' ~.ing V 9:k"pn~ 3~lon ). But I have always instinctively followed an invisible star .I'~--'~-~ eople thoug. ~niHl~saeJ'y{ng cre...ht they w... .13' . ere .''''~ ~~-. f ~"yolt.. our narrow shoes.~Jj..i9... There is in me an anarchy.. t. our ridiculous sheathes.... He classifies.~"". I NOTEBOOK VI is joined to everything they do. . the by t . .... . jtalen~~~"..~t]:}..

. "The satisfaction of the man who has worked and . sveaking Of.. 239 240 Id.. distinguished herself in the roles of classical tragedy.I priI.. life. one remark (at second hand) on critics who indulge in creating: "One can't at one and the same time hold the stirrups and show one's rear." Delacroix: "In music as probably in all the other arts the moment that style. ~~ 9 "Third or Fourth Day of Spring" in Black Spring.. and what bread \" Bes~:iloff~olt to. Delacroix.:~~on to 8Rachel Bespaloff is a French critic of penetrating and original mind. d on Id." f '. Thus the nations of the North ." Id. Injustice of the climate. What revolutions have destroyed in the realm of monuments and works of art-when itemized. ~~::&hotI~'t have d.::Ybu are go ng out 9 'l"(j't. it is to give value to time.." The notion (and the reality) of the intellectual dates from the eighteenth century. t .'---". . strength. mmootthheerr ~: " . work ent~~~. The great artist must learn to avoid what must not be C attempted. "To work is not solely to produce. "One must count in leagues: that disproportion alone between the vastness of the place inhabited by Londoners and the natural limitation of human proportions makes me declare them enemies of true civilization which brings together the men of the civilization of Attica who constructed the Parthenon as big as one of our houses and enclosed so much intelligence.NOTEBOOK VI April 1948-March 195 1 Sea. comes to state itself. ~ "He comes ~and. . Ue as the great French actress was called." Id.. In the end.. so cramped in its vast states. grandeur in the narrow limits of frontiers that raise a smile in our barbarism. Even more frightful.. Trees in blossom at SaintEtienne. character.".irw 1 £ ~ . (Do what one doesn't want.ist~rbed yourself. seriousness in brief. the rest disappears.. "Only fools and the impotent torture o themselves over the impossible. { Be silkut: Li~~. "~'" " •• ..ally.. without hesitation or reservation.'. Delacroix-on distances in London. I should have wanted an absolutely black face. b bread. it is frightening. FEBRUARY 1950 Discil1lin¢'\work until A. want what one doesn't do. Delacroix says. 23 8 1 M Rachel (1820-58).) ~t. at history records is a drop In Delacroix's diary. Later write essay. I . what I know to be true.. "It ~equires great daring to dare to be oneself." L. UY' . -~"~ Th~ E-.'Y." no one will ever know. And yet one must be very daring.

When I am in 241 .suitably employed his day is tremendous.

. Break up. From everywhere birds burst into song. this human livestock fattened by the philosophes... A little pride helps to maintain one's distance. I can even. find myself surrounded by the most boring people. Perhaps in April. imperfect Creation .~: q~s of ar. Then the force of love will create without me.----. Delacroix is right: all these days that are not noted down are like days that didn't exist. " Id. 242 243 ..!~ NOTEBOOK VI April 1948." Id. The mistral has scraped the sky down to a new skin. satisfied with small rewards.. Memory slipping more and more.March 1951 that state I enjoy delightfully the slightest distractions. vast ambitious schemings. not so much cling to the pursuit of things which are empty wind but enjoy work itself and the delightful hours that follow it . Speaking of Millet: "He belongs indeed to the squad of bearded artists who brought about the revolution of '48 or applauded it. L'Echange. Do not forget it despite everything. 200: " ••• What a noble sight in the best of centuries.. headstrong life" (L'Echange). The pleasure that winds up in gratitude: crown of days. And there is no other fulfillment than that of love. Be swallowed up. Disappear.. ignorant. Against progress. Literary society. Go all the way." VOIP' e. •• • . without the least regret.. F E B R U A R Y '50 Not morality but fulfillment. One imagines black intrigues." Id..•••.. " Original talent "shyness and dryness in the beginning." Id.. But at the other extremity: bitter pleasure. Dissolve in love. He told the people who criticized his coldness that he didn't belong to the parish. an infinite delight. The day brims over and is aglow. Ought to make up my mind to keep a diary..!-in which I shal~mY"'" aestbe cs/ ~ ~. apparently thinking there would be equality in talents together with equality in fortunes. breadth and neglect of details in the end. in other words of yielding to oneself and dying to the world." Id. Vanish in fulfillment and the passion of truth. a joyful discord. The peasant who had remained indifferent during a prayer that had drawn tears from everyone.. 341: " . " . the whole of p. "How happy I am no longer to be obliged to be happy in the old way (the passions).2 2 Both this and the following quotation are from Act III of Claudel's early play." The great Italian schools "in which naivete is joined to the greatest learning. Epigraph: "Nothing avails against humble.. There are nothing but vanities. Russian novels "have an amazing smell of reality. blue and shiny like the sea. a jubilation." P. with an exuberance. when I shall recover my freedom.

"! Title for solar essays. Of all except Beauty.! Summer. Prefer truth to everything. "Frightful danger: that the American politics of business and the flabby civilization of the intellectuals should join forces. seemed two irreconcilable enemies." 3 Philanthropic Calvinists negate whatever is not reason because reason. Those two wretched creatures who were known solely to each other on earth. "She was examined (E) with interest and curiosity like a beautiful storm. Noon. The rosemary is in blossom. "He was quite willing that she should suffer.NOTEBOOK VI April 1948-March I951 ld." "That heart (A) foreign to every interest in the world. her will became mine: I was at my ease only when she was satisfied with me. even though he is a rebel as an artist. bent on tearing each other apart. "There was a way of loving you and I did not love you that way. This is why it is so hard for an artist to be a revplutionary. This is why it is impossible for him to be a killer. He was a coward. Holiday.. FE B R U A R Y '50 "The moment I saw on her face an expression of pain. to their way of thinking. but far from him. even of nature. Rereading. MAR CH'50 Novel. music of slaves. Although the final title was (Summer). Same feeling of ardent desiccation. Wagner." Adolphe. Beauty eludes such a scheme. the hero. crowns of violets. At the base of the olive trees. Camus continues to use La Fete (Holiday) in the usu Notebooks. 245 244 . Return now to the detail." which the author changed on the first typescript. of understanding and consoling each other. 4 The manuscript reads "Mediterranean Essays." Constant: "One must study men's woes but count among those woes the ideas they have of the means of combatting them. who were the only ones capable of doing each other justice. the heroine. Worth noting: experience is a memory." Nietzsche: I was ashamed o f that deceptive modesty." ld. " . can make them masters of all.. E stands for Ellenore. and A for Adolphe. but the reverse is true." Mastery: Not to talk.

She had to die. I didn't succeed the first time and I struggled at great length. The last is finally snuffed out and it's utter blackness. his daughter. goes back to smoking on learning that the H-bomb has just been discovered. It seems to me that I am emerging from a ten-year sleep-still entangled in the wrappings of mis- Vivet's friend. but experienced. This is why attempts to deify man aim to perfect realism. Gurdjieff's "astute man. Erect and strong. the dictator of the Vilna ghetto. Recall of oneself (see oneself through the eyes of another). rebuilt her father's stables. (Be able to say: it was hard. But that's just what anguish is: "they" don't die at the right moment. three quarters of the ghetto (48. And such great exhaustion makes the success more lucid. the reality of the prior experiences. X. attitude of the creator. Michel. and accepting all the consequences with the decision to dominate them and to transfigure them in the ultimate. the absolute realist would be the absolute divinity. After having written it all up.NOTEBOOK VI April 1948-March 195 1 Wait. Shot for nothing-dishonored for nothing. Title: The Shrewd Genius. In art. Reject nothing). Begin again anew. According to the Chinese. but also more determined. accepted that police job in order to limit the damage." Returned at twenty-one full of money and.000) are exterminated. rethink the whole thing starting with the documents and ideas put in this order. But in the end I won out. Eighty years old. Little by little. Radiant light. MARCH I A month of absolute mastery-on every plane. 246 247 . who had given up smoking. Jacob Cenns. wait until are snuffed out one by one the days still ahead of me in a lighted garland. Left them at the age of eighteen to "make her own life. I found myself in it.) Revolt. more humble. empires on the point of collapse have very many laws. Finally he is shot himself. It was the carters who made Algeria.. Then an atrocious happiness would begin." Concentration.(but without sacrificing the truth. The sea: I didn't lose myself in it. Family. wiped out by an epidemic. selling her jewels.

. ( After a certain age. and to despise none of its enigmas. I950 And openly I pledged my heart to the grave and suffering earth. Insoluble then. gushing waters of joy. without fear. (Holderlin's Empedoeles) 2 4 8 fortune and of false ethics-but again naked and attracted toward the sun. I am being reborn as a body too .. Modern art: the art of tyrannizing. he practices it consciously: catastrophes. Strength brilliant and measured-and intelligence frugal. Thus I .NOTEBOOK VI bound myself to it with a mortal bond. From that moment on. and free. sharpened. MAR C H 4. The style of the seventeenth century according to Nietzsche: clean. A man who is rewarded officially for a virtue he has been practicing instinctively. '. and often in the sacred night I promised to love it faithfully unto death. with its heavy load of fatality. As if at the first warmth of love the snows accumulated in her melted gradually to give way to the irresistible. precise. quarrels between individuals are ag~avated by a race against time. Comedy.

" . for without it . It must be.. The heart is not all. " ." Nietzsche says.------' nity~~=_ ~ eing. But it must be mastered and transfigured.~·~· about affection.April 1948-March 1951 It is only too late that one has the courage of one's knowledge. "A submits and grovels. .'1 .r~~. ~~akes mistake~~ aff~ that scorns and lo~es. ::-) .. My most constant temptation. that transforms and uph The world in which I am most at ease: the Greek myth. the one against WhiC have never ceased fighting to the point of exhaustion: cynicism.. 249 .

' . ..' . " .. '. . f. . .. . ' . . .

.iB. Nicholas Lazarevitch.. Jacqueline.. Michele. Vauquelin.. Anne. /' .R. Vivette.S. and this. WaI. Male characters: Pierre~</MaUrice AsIrey. to be sure.~reine Blanchouck'Janine. in a certain way. "kShOl}ffi ave liked to catch her in time. Marcelle Rouchon. ~~anne Agnely. Gide: Atheism alone can pacify the world today Voltaire suspected almost everything. Simone l\j." I"" <:« "T4lrsea and the sky attract to the marble terraces the crowd of young. and her face like the prow of a ship.l"~ F Female characters: Renee'Audibert. that a~dy em~e d y in tRe T~s when ~ame to'ivayfl me in Jrt blac ski : ~tl1 her 'hit louse r~l(ed u~ her tanned arms. Virginie. Suzanne F ~ 0.1951 T it~ ~ } .iry. There is always in man an element that rejects love. it seems. Mad.. Nathalie. 250 Dialogue between Lenin and an inmate of a Russian concentration camp.'---'-"" /. Gide comes to the U. But in the terrible joy and the pride of my love I promised it to her. yet thoroughly. (I). Ravanel. /'~ '. Herrand"B~'ttly. What religion can allow-I did not want to go on living if human love was incapable of the same thing. Odile.Catherine.. 251 . Laure.). Pascal Pia. Violan. and killing myself. It's the element that wants to die.·'ivr. Rimbaud. Robert Ch~!te'. M." Novel.enier. "What I had long been thinking of asking her I did ask on that final evening: the oath that she would never belong to any other man. Christiane GallndoyBlanche BalaiI).. Jea~g. on ." A. hardy roses. Odette Campana.('jI"·':'L e > lrll~ h ~ r:~ ~ era:n 1 r::c-····.z'Lorette. but justice is not enough. Victoria. The others will have only readers. Mette.~~('FrangOise I pid 2. Marcelle. She then made me that promise without asking me to commit myself. Leibowitz... Evelyne. M~1. Nicole Algan..f1dre Clement. (¥'vette Petitjean.S. April 1948 -MaTch . Yvonne. Theres~/ Cisele Laza~~( Renee Thomasset. ~. It's what asks to be forgiven. joyfully./ ----. her narrow foot. Charlotte. for not yielding to those who make a double woe of love and of freedom.B. Cp1llen.{'tucette. Simofie C.---- Those who write obscurely have great luck: they will have commentators.1 ¥eia. It was a matter of killing her.NOTEBOOK VI Love is injustice. Patricia Blake. how can freedom fail to be a luxury? One more reason.D. is worthy of scorn. hair loose. Where love is a luxury.l~f~ne. He settled but very few things.)aa. because he thinks o f joy.

even faith.. then to a single room. willing at last to like each other for what they are. ~ om uet: "~ only cha:r:a~that most Il1~J:kal'e ca bI of i!9'~ect\il!bat:'·characte\l~. The same image is found in The Fall (Alfred A. sleep a little. It is essential to destroy it. It's the kingdom of heaven.... "You are et and I a~he path of dea&. LI Women at least do not have. Like those elderly people who. one gets there. A goo~~¥~e middle-~~:j . Then they go away.. It's hard. the lights along the ." ~.~!eRrsed them. they are better than I. Their whole head. nvep. in a big house that once was full of life and voices. Completely upset because I liked him greatly. where they bring together every aspect of life-cloistered and ready for the narrow hole in the ground. even humility are a test of nobility. leaving nothing but the bare bones. but innumerable. And they completely remove the flesh from a man in five minutes. C~'-~v J 253 25 2 . let's skip it. But one forgives them.NOTEBOOK VI April I948-March 195I Paris begins by serving a work of art and pushes it. the obligation of nobility. coast." They are tiny. Knopf. but also because I suddenly realized that I had a longing to do as he did. w}l'rtp night.s of lightJ'iouses .'s suicide. Foggy. For men.~. to be sure. is in their teeth. Thus there are in Paris as in certain streams in Brazil thousands of little fish whose job this is.. Cabris again..)'lone. 6 Cabris. I) 1 " ·~oryStof).·~{[t. and begin again. As to the two or three persons I love." ? A.\Those . But once it is established.g~~anJli11gllrg~~ffieCommunion table )0 gobble upYonors ~ . ~/ A P R I L '50. whose vo~ f at firstpielodi~/Seems t grow 6~. but one eventually gets there. Alas! After all. 7. I957). even more restricted. and then to the smallest room of ail. then the fun begins. How can I accept that? Come now. Injfie "alley /vas concert o toads.£. p. Deadly. if I may say so. as we do. ~. is a mile or two from Grasse in the Alpes-Maritimes. Ah! they're not much to see. where Camus went to rest. I ! } he distance. withdraw to a single floor." H d even lost that character. There always comes a moment when people give up struggling and tearing each other apart.

. dogs are not decorated... To grow old is to move from passion to compassion. Why? Because it was born of a thwarted revolution in which nothing but the divine principle received a fatal blow." The nineteenth century is the century of revolt...••••. That is worth the pain of being born and growing up.Jife! 1 do~ike problems. M Y 27.~~ ... But here! It didn't matter that he pointed out all the ambushes of those Chinese.. But any afterlife? Mter The Rebel. free creation.NOTEBOOK VI In big novel. afterward? Then any life would be justified. T~e ta. after all the brave deeds he performed in Indochina. But must one go on living.<. Lazarevitch. And the fires of love set the world on fire. 254 ~ . it seems that in France.1 /". do you think he was decorated? Not at all.r{ whO£r~~~_~~Js~··"Mail'~!.9n··YOUl'. At the table. he didn't get a thing. Poor dog!" .~. Adrey. Chatte (and his pretences with strangers)... The lady who takes calcium phosphate. 1950 A Solitary. ._ •. But in England they are decorated when they have a war record.0"'''''':\'\.. . . <This poor dog (a beautiful flame-colored spaniel).

" etc.April H o w m an y ni g ht s in a lif e w he re o ne ha s ce as ed to be t work during these first two cycles: persons without lies. which know).. But at times under the scars there still appears the face of the adolescent. Men have the difficult face of their knowledge (those faces one occasionally encounters. "Take that for your books! So you are intelligent . In their company it is not poverty. In the presence of my mother. hence not real. In this way one wants to get closer to the end. In this way love in one of its aspects coincides with death . Camp. I feel that I belong to a noble race: the one that envies nothing. This is also why the persons who have meant much to me in this world are always those who had the force and exclusiveness of those myths. They are not of this world.. An ignorant guard who takes it out on an intellectual. Why not say it? I felt and I still feel my nobility. But rather an artist who creates myths to fit his passion and his anguish. 255 M y . or humiliation that I felt. The mad thing about love is that one wants to hurry and lose the interim. or destitution. wl+ch gives thanks to life. In the end the intellectual begs to be forgiven. This is probably why up to now I am not a novelist in the usual sense.

war is the end of solitude. it is . For me the definitive solitude. without restraint. on beauty: eternal bread.NOTEBOOK VI I lived. April I948-March 1951 For most men.

Maistre: "Woe to the generations that speak to the epochs of the world. ~-=ro. I love all or I love nothing. It's the copulation of a god. man is like. the bull's copulation is chaste." Thanks to the red sandstone. ~!lU1-gem~ Vosges. a single. dazzling dagger thrust. All the power of knowledge today aims at strengthening the State.. If our era were merely tragicl But it is revolting. This is why it must be brought to trial-and forgiven. All the blood of conquests and of power flowed over this land and dried on its sanctuaries.. Whoever does not give all does not obtain all. and it's Throw open the prisons or prove your virtue.l. When one has the luck to live in the universe of the intelligence.Swift as lightning. Not a single scholar has thought of applying his research to the defense of the individual.piryu'1J exercises nol~e in \w:ly~ ~. Not enjoyment. when he wished someone ill. -. the churches and calvaries are the color of dried blood... Hence it is that I love nothing.~.~~~carefulla~d gradually (she ~. En~ of D£nir. but a burning flame and sacred annihilation. Yet that is where a freemasonry would have a meaning. expressed the wish that he would live in an "interesting" epoch.gt. S. 257 Useless ethics: life is ethical.. 256 .d~ally disappearing be are his eyes and he 7 Camus continued his convalescence in the Vosges Mountains during the summer of 1950... what a folly to long for the terrible world of violence and passion." Like that Chinese sage who.

of honor. . sure of her absolute fidelity and sterility. Goethe and Shakespeare resisted everything because they believed in the human 259 p~#e '\vh. there would never be anyone else. ~" . To the question: What do you think of the young generation of writers. . he replies: It will leave nothing behind. she told him she had sworn never to belong to anyone else.r:~l~§~6g'~~nGm€ ev~lhtuali1 find it. while the feeling o a frightful future was growing in him. But he remained that day-as he was accustomed. 8 The word in the manuscript might be either ("nobility"). In order to write.0i~~e1e1. C~1~~~~: SAY ~I E. ".. the thought came to him on the other hand that he was liberated. in one of those painful scenes. with him gone. I am. ) r\u!9P{~'f'\th~~~'~~br8." (And probably I could not have put up with it more than a month..c " ""''''. Those who don't know how to speak of pride. violence or noblesse 258 . Suffering and its often ugly face. S E P T E M B E R '50 Commitment.'." PAR IS.. "He recalled that one day. Unterlinden. . . Much too lofty to agree to subject it to anything. just as she thought she was binding him and fusing him with her.NOTEBOOK VI April 1948 . and the most passionate one.. What I have to say is more important that what Step aside and push aside. Destroy oneself in suffering because of having dared destroy others. . Much too passionate to want to divorce It from anything. as she was doing so indeed.~~~. I have the loftiest idea. "All my life I have dreamed of the peace of the cloister. of suffering are inconsequential and their work will die with them or before they die.. . Novel.. It has nothing more to say. Progress: to avoid telling a beloved person of the anguish he brings us.March 195I Baudelaire.~ing . that it was time to flee and leave her.. S E P T E M B E R '50 ·rr~·#/ \/ Faulkner. The world has acquired such a thick veneer of vulgarity that it confers on the spiritual man's scorn the violences of a passion.. and that. . . . But one must live in it and off it in order to pay the price. . of art. .. . but only in suffering. one must have the basic truths deeply rooted in one and have centered one's work on one of them or all at once. And just as she thought she was sealing their love in the most irremediable way.

or very little. makes of it that empty. . In that mad waste of time and of soul. "What is the reason for the nihilism that has invaded writing?" "Fear. The more it is thwarted.. and you cannot really accept me despite all your love. this is what should be said: 'I love you-but I am nothing. any weakness makes love look childish and stupid. How could he have been accepted in love. for there is one insofar as God has been willing to reveal it to us.•. bathed in a terrible blood. It cries out to refuse kindness. Where is the limit? a little Pascal: "I spent a great part of my life in the belief that there was a justice. and death itself transfigured in eternal life. inexhaustible springtime. Yes. compassion.ifferen7antt1heir SOOtll." e p There is no doubt that every ethic requires cynicism. It is a tyrant and a petty tyrant.~"Daring?f ~oble race:~ ma. But it was also the condition for something at least to be created within the limits that belonged to him.. But this is not the way I thought of it and this is where I was wrong. the absolute. less luck than desire. That's not the reason it cries out everywhere on earth. B to recognize that justice was also to recognize a duty: the duty of raising that love.' ~1nQ.llllee~n . sponlfon/o'u\ ~ng . They are eternal. It cries out toward the impossible. and the only love that would have saved all was a love that would have accepted him for what he was. the sky on fire. in the consecration of his own misery and of the misery of any life.H. for basically.~ for ~y se2urity of the body. in other words lasting works.~.. everything that leads to compromise. the greater is the mutilation it eventually leaves." Novel." N. and awareness of that misery? He alone could accept himself-by accepting the long. pale restraint at which even a slightly exacting heart eventually baulks. he recognized a sort of justice which in the end was the only one he had ever really encountered on this earth. . But love cannot accept what is. he who was only misery in a certain way. suffered from having become involved in loving without 260 being able to give all to that love. but also in the effort toward nobility that alone justified it. He could do no more nor be otherwise. and themselves.he. Consequently P. That was his freedom. "Love is fulfilled or it degrades.. interminable. above the petty.NOTEBOOK VI April I948-March I95 I heart. and in this I was not wrong.~~:urd. intelligence. The moment men cease being afraid. to be sure. fONiWand comfort."''". and painful suffering of losing love and knowing that he had lost it through his own fault. tVT . deep within you. filled with cowardice. you demand all and I neither have nor am all. and for 26r . the kind that had always made him withdraw with pounding heart.". Balzac and Flaubert likewise... "Short of that torture. for I believed that our justice was basically just and that I was capable of knowing and judging it. forgive me for having less soul than love.t. If love is not creative. it prevents any true creation forever. of accepting the most terrible but the frankest anguish. they will begin again writing masterpieces. life after death.

the reclining statues of Marguerite of Austria and. With her absent.:~nd and rain ha .ll y courteous for the Paris /." 7. 1 See TILe Rebel (Alfred A. a face that cannot invent love and merely repeats it. Finally one day the two images conflict. etc. At Brou.:rreJ~g) each ~~. Mentality of history's outcasts: resentment.' t~~t~~~~~t. to accept it once more. . '-/9 For the past two thousand years the Greek value has been constantly and persistently slandered. . In this regard Marxism took over from Christianity. this was right. And for two thousand years the Greek value has resisted to such a degree that. Then you will measure my hell and you will love me above ourselves with a love that will never be able to suffice me either but which I shall nonetheless attribute to life. but then the hardest began. t. . a. 1954). as second best. r} I don't like others' secrets. Poor dishrag with his ·-. under its ideologies..~~paint Par/1\he ." He: "Here. in anguish: Yes.1fe.ma. ion . Race theory of the political ghetto.lturl~n leaves ont(the p~men Yo a k on a"damp. But I am interested in their I~onfessions. In the end: The maid: "Monsieur is very good. Action Francaise. 262 .' except .~~. When you are no longer capable of love for me. the twentieth century is more Greek and pagan than Christian and Russian. Knopf. A Ne$fo. and screamed with nostalgia and impotence at the impossibility of achieving it.!£~l. p. rti~. And he changes according to the image others offer him of himself.fr-e rl·C < the Of Come ra ydse su omfifed '-tit cars: "The House of Molle is ful tonight. the days cried out. you will be capable of justice. dri J. Forgive me and cease humiliating me.0ernaTIy:1l Whoever has not insisted upon absolute virginity in people and the world.. understanding art. 230.-thtN:.p1]Vtbert ~vOi~~jactfig"'tb.. this is for you.~!sy.ll ba& scenes. 263 The ornate late-Gothic church of Brou at Bourg-en-Bresse with its elaborate tomb is a memorial to Marguerite's love for her husband." Play: A man without personality. Marie.t." Few people capable of The strongest passion of the twentieth century: slavery..NOTEBOOK VI April 1948-March 195 1 loving beyond my reach. whoever has not been destroyed through trying to love. tawny fur.!.~:l~!!!~ .~)' s~ t me ~~ w. Intelligent and courageous with the woman he loves. every night was a wound. cannot understand the reality of revolt and its rage to destroy.

It is quite true that economics make up the matter of history. the survivors will go to lands where it will be possible to assemble culture again: Chile.. if we have had trouble at home. By so doing. In the end the intellectuals make use of the masses and through them the theory makes use of the economy. 2 . ~ ~Y. after having lived. If it's Victory: the greatest danger. Incapable of raising a finger for what we love. Eighteenth century: To conclude that man is perfectible is itself debatable.o . The creators. They will have to fight at first. But to conclude..?~th about)!!~elf and about othetYut II cou!. Moreover. pp. 264 5 .." The misfortune (a chance can wipe me out) is that state of humiliation."" " ". S. But we refuse to do even the little we could do.. Mexico. 4 The group of Liaisons Internationales founded to succor the victims of any totalitarian regime. No. it's not the human being that must be protected. spit~~~. 1 -II. .-rfie 'FIeadr1auguage: ~ " . " Dishonesty of the artist when he pretends to believe in the democracy of principles. when the catastrophe comes. or~quivale~htYse who have b e struck ~ th~st. It leads to the slavery of factories and concentration camps.<j. we are not powerless. a native rmd. etc.:". where the spitting 97 0 cell is described. "one doesn't enter truth without having passed through one's own annihilation..~ tu of'f~imar. 1 5 ). etc. that man is good . If the result is defeat. it sinks into it. For then he negates the most basic thing in his experience. not anguish..NOTEBOOK VI April 1948-March 195 1 Intellectuals make the theory and the masses make the economy. without having lived at length in a state of total and extreme humiliation. Weil is right. 3 His~~!rom t~errtl5'fl:'"lOsurvi+e in orde'r-ttJ6e able to kiil:--- Dissolution of the group. which is the great lesson of' art: hierarchy and order. Ideas are satisfied with directing it.-fiot accept ~ttned u~jt"hurrred'" red-not. if it's rainjng. The fact that such dishonesty is sentimental doesn't help." The revolutionary spirit rejects original sin. And again: "The spirit of justice and the spirit of truth are one. 26 Hencef~ I knew. etc . By so doing.. but the possibilities within him. A meeting is a nuisance. she says. it escapes it. Knopf. that's true.'~ " . .' Lazarevitch: "We love one another._/ • 2) the camp al5foud intellectual is subjected to the 2 Probably those deported to concentration camps.. 3 See The Fall (Alfred A. This is why they must maintain the state of siege and the economic enslavement-so that the masses will remain manual laborers. The Greek spirit doesn't think of it. .

"1 who had lived so long. is humanity. 266 . exulted." "Yes. It's because France is a military nation that Communism has a chance there." During the flogging. But at the age of thirty-seven. admired those like S. you see. It was my personal salvation. one day 1 made the acquaintance of misfortune and found out what. the sea to be overcome. '5 N 3 1 Valence ld. refused to take part in the collection of woolens for the German army. At liberty. demanded. I had shouted. Alexandre Jacob: "A mother. the French prisoners wore two capital letters on their clothing: H N for Hunde-N ation: nation of dogs. The waves. I went so far as to prefer that a person who loved me should preserve physical fidelity rather than that of the soul and the heart. despaired. but it's distinguishing. the capital of hairdressers' assistants. Text on the sea. "That's honesty for you." The principle of law is that of the State. the true and only turning point in history. My paradise lay in the virginity of others. Around the middle of my life I had to learn all over again painfully how to live alone. an opera Singer is forced to sing his great arias. who seemed to escape it. in the world of the flesh.NOTEBOOK VI April I948-March 195 I Madmen in concentration camps. I had not known until then. Novel. It does harm while thinking it's doing good. As far as I was concerned. at Buchenwald. I was well enough aware that for a woman the latter fidelity conditions the former and I used to insist on it then. saliva of the gods. for being deprived of it was an endless source of torture. Essay on fate (Nemesis? ). J A UARY2 . at Buchenwald. despite appearances." Grasse. My excessive liking for pleasure. Roman principle that 1789 reintroduced into the world through force and against the right. We must return to the Greek principle. 267 At Hinzert. I could not imagine a love without rvissesslon. Go back to the passage from Hellenism to Christianity.W. The sea monster. hence without the humiliating anguish that belongs to those who live according to the flesh. the butt of cruel jokes. Play. Jehovah's witnesses. etc." Leibniz: "1 despise almost nothing. but merely as the condition of that exclusive possession that mattered more to me than all the rest. bewailing. which is autonomy.

. A. Work. I wanted to tell the truth without ceasing to be generous.268 NOTEBOOK VI Collection philosophical essays. But who dies having settled everything.." Proudhon. Knopf editions of The Myth of Sisyphus and Other Essays (1955) and Caligula and Three Other Plays (1958).5 The Rebel.. "Liberty is a gift of the sea. What I have so long sought becomes apparent at last. Apparently he never translated the Shakespeare play.. February 1951. Put together book of essays: The Holiday... . etc.. but this is presumably an error. except ... 5) Love of the remote. To oneself nothing is due. Philosophy of expression -tcommentary first book of Ethics -t reflections on Hegel (lectures on philosophy of history) + Grenier essay + commentary Apology of Socrates. To die without having settled anything. Dying becomes a consent. 3) Preface to American edition of essays. not even (especially not) death in peace. 1) Essay on the sea. That's my justification.. 5 The manuscript reads 6 Camus did indeed write brief but significant prefaces for the Alfred 1950.. 6) The eternal voice. 2) Preface to American edition of Plays. February 5... ? To settle at least the peace of those one has loved ." 4) Translation Timon of Athens.

The anguish of~~-~'stytde. in short .."/' ~ '\ /\ '- I had been taken by surprise-in my absence-to find out.. ordefed. °C 'Those ~~6rY.~~ a sin if it~. Servants who at one and the same time ape the great and mock them in the pantry. I used to long at times for a violent death-as a death which excuses one from crying out at the tearing away of the soul. even when they seem to him evident. But one stifles. ~ MARCH 1. in the earth. '51 l / \ i It's by delaying his conclusions. '-~ rejection 269 m en£O ing V Petty breed of Parisian writers who cultivate what they believe to be insolence. At other times I would dream of a .protracted and constantly lucid end so that April 1948March 195 1 it could not be said at least that Igrlatiusf6yola:\ "Conver. that a philosopher progresses.

~?e. \ I MR H A C 1 951 Finished the first writing of The Rebel. r). '1 See "La Mer au plus pres" in L'E te. can creation be free? Any fulfilhnent is a bondage. Thirty-seven years old."'" If I were to die unknown to the world. With this book the first two cycles come to an end." 7. 270 . would come and raise me above myself and help me to die without hate.NOTEBOOK VI A spectacular virtue that leads to denying one's passions.Hi--~~". at the last moment the sea would fill my cell. in the depths of a cold prison. It obliges one to a higher fulfillment. A higher virtue that leads to balancing them.~iDrge1tmg"W"._c_ '~. And now.

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