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Peer Edit Comments

Peer Edit Comments

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Published by Mitchell J Stokes

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Published by: Mitchell J Stokes on Dec 03, 2012
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The comments that I made using the comment option for my peer edit did not show up on the

Scribd uploader, so I am uploading a document that contains them. Is this a citation? MLA Citations should be (Authors Last Name Page #) I would combine these sentences, and then use the rest of the second sentence as its own part Makes it seem like the U.N. is a country You might have to cite this How much of the above is paraphrased? I think you should consider analyzing the data and explaining what it means You need a page # Consider reconfiguring this sentence, it took me a few reads to understand Also think about transitioning into your next paragraph topic I think this should be your first sentence, you generally don't want to start a paragraph with a citation Explain the importance of this citation Reword, maybe - “Haiti's history has been marked by a continuous strain of dictators” Is this a direct quote? If so, needs to be in quotations, and with a page # Also, explain how they did this, or why its important Back to back citations are not recommended This might need a citation, usually statistics and facts that aren't popular knowledge, are cited This would make a great transition sentence, (at the end of the previous paragraph) because it looks back while also looking forward Again, I wouldn't start with a citation, you need something to set up the paragraph's main purpose I would move this sentence up in the paragraph, that way there is some sort of analysis of it afterwards Calling the UN a government? Try and find a citation that supports this claim, then analyze it Citation to support this? Why? Or How? I would just elaborate on that I am pretty sure that Block Quotes should be directly quoted, otherwise it would be paraphrased and the format is unnecessary

What does this mean? How does it relate? Direct quote or reword your paraphrasing How do you know this? Citation to back it up, then explain why it is significant I would reword and use this as your first sentence for this paragraph - “NGO volunteers usually only seek fame and money. Make sure you do not use contractions in your paper – it should be “are not” Put this citation after “most are not” it will back up that assertion sooner and then give you analysis afterwards This is a great intro sentence! Follow it up with a citation to support it How? Why? Get some evidence for this Sentence out of order, maybe move up some in the paragraph Italicized? Book title? I am pretty sure that you still need a page number even though you mentioned Bob Lupton Im not really sure where you are going with this. I would reword it to make it more clear Add a transition sentence, don't end with a citation How does this relate to your topic? It's intriguing, just find a way to tie it in Continuity issues among UN or U.N. I think either is fine, just make them the same I think what you are getting at is that the forces there are hurting more than they are helping? If so, I would state that at the beginning of this paragraph I like how you tied it back into the government issues, because I think you are taking the stance that the best solution to fix it all is through the government? Citation needed with direct quotes

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