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The Seven Habits of Highly Compatible Couples

The Seven Habits of Highly Compatible Couples

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Published by Michael McKee
This is the original version of my Book. A humorous take on the Seven Habits books for Relationships.


This is the original version of my Book. A humorous take on the Seven Habits books for Relationships.


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Published by: Michael McKee on Jan 31, 2009
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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08/07/2013

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I can hear you men now, “Why should I apologize to her? I didn’t do
nothing”. Oh you fool, have you learned nothing? OK, let’s go over this
slowly. Consider the all too common occurrence: She’s mad at you and you’re
not sure why. All that you know is that something is bothering her. Sound
familiar? So, what do you usually do. You end up apologizing to her without
knowing why you’re doing so. Men make this mistake only once (or twice if
you’re stupid). She will immediately ask why you’re apologizing. You will
have to admit to her that you don’t know why you’re apologizing which will
generate yet another round of apologies. A vicious circle, no?

Now, had you been born a woman you would know what’s bothering her. And
what’s bothering her is typically the fact that you, her man, her one and only
partner in life, the person who is closer to her than anyone in the world,
doesn’t know what's bothering her. That’s right, she often feels that you really
know nothing about her and furthermore have no interest in learning. Since
you are a man, you continue to have no idea why she should be upset because,
well, it still doesn’t make any sense does it? Be patient, little Locust, one day
you too may understand.

Whether or not you understand the preceding Zen Koan, you will need to deal
with this situation effectively. Of course, the best way to apologize to a
woman is to apologize for something you’ve actually done wrong. At least
here you know what you’re apologizing for, whereas in some situations you

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may not. Well, fear not gentlemen. I have here the cure for what ails ya. That’s
right guys, gather around and sample Dr. Patience’ Generic Apology Elixir.
Distilled from the finest phrases found throughout the world this tonic should
work wonders for any situation in which you find you are confused, tired and
lacking focus. And so without further ado, here you go: “Darling, I am sorry I
have not taken the time to understand you and your needs. My desire to
provide for you and your comfort has tragically robbed us of our precious
time together. I promise to be more attentive to you in the future my darling
sweetheart.” This, guys, is as good as it gets.

The next best way to apologize is to apologize for something you’ve actually
done wrong. Now, having said that, try not to apologize for anything she may
only suspect you of, but has no proof. Only cop to something she can prove.
However, once your guilt has been proven admit everything immediately. This
may sound like a contradiction, but we’re not necessarily discussing
something rational here so bear with me. The decision as to how to best
handle this situation will involve understanding just what it is she thinks
you’ve done wrong. You need to figure out why she’s angry regardless of the
difficulty. Then, at least you’ve got some specifics concerning your
transgression. You can sprinkle these specifics liberally throughout your
subsequent apology to add credence and believability. Be sincere, though. A
woman can see the lies in your eyes.

Consider, however, the scenario in which you may be accused of something
you had not done. This happens more often than you would think, particularly
if you’re in the habit of actually doing things for which you end up in trouble.
Given that this is not the case this time, and that you are innocent, you’ve got
two choices here:

Prove her wrong. Yeah, this is a good idea. Prove her wrong thus

exonerating yourself and pissing her off in the process. Present your
evidence, call your witnesses, file your writ of Habeas Corpus and
show in excruciating detail how and why she is wrong. This will gain

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you the day, but lose you the night - if you get my drift. You have to
ask yourself, just what is it you’re after here anyway? To be right and
alone on the couch, or wrong with her in bed. The choice, as they say,
is yours.

Apologize. Yes, that’s right, apologize at once for whatever it was

you’ve been accused. Ask for her forgiveness and make sure you
sound sincere. Don’t sob and don’t whimper. Apologize like a man; on
your knees, wearing nothing but an athletic supporter, a lobster bib
and a jaunty cap. Try to make your eyes as big as possible, like a
puppy’s.

Depending upon what it is you’ve done, one or the other described above
may be correct. Try not to do both as she will take you apart like she took
apart her Ken Doll when it didn’t call Barbie the day after she finally put out.
Geeze, this therapy doesn’t seem to be helping at all does it? Well, anyway
consider the following example:

My friend Jeff and a female co-worker of his went to a store
during their lunch break to pick up a present for a colleague.
A friend of Jeff’s wife happened to see them during their
shopping excursion. She called and told his wife just what
she thought she was seeing which, of course, was wrong.
Jeff’s wife had the afternoon to ponder the situation.

So when Jeff got home that evening he knew something was
amiss, by virtue of his clothing strewn about the front lawn.
I guess this is preferable to having ExLax secretly stuffed
into ones dinner as had happened to another friend. Jeff
instantly and immediately apologized for not telling her
sooner about the shopping outing. Though it did take quite
some time, as well as quite the number of shinny baubles,
she did eventually forgive him. Jeff showed great poise and
presence of forethought here by defusing a potentially
difficult situation.

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Imagine what could have happened if Jeff were to have argued his case rather
than apologized to his wife. Again, we need to keep in mind just what is the
goal here? Do you really want to prove her wrong? This would likely require a
great deal of energy and where will that effort likely lead? To a harmonious
home life and a comfortable relationship with your one and only true love? I
think not. Look at the big picture and ask yourself if proving her wrong is in
your best interest. In my opinion, often it is not.

* Women *

Men are relatively easy to deal with since they’re fairly simple creatures which require no
more than basic maintenance (oil, filters, lube, wash, rinse, repeat). Though most men
need no more than this and the occasional heaping plate of barbecued ribs to get by, there
are additional concerns with which you may want to familiarize yourself.

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