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Peer Review Comments

Peer Review Comments

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Published by Mitchell J Stokes

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Published by: Mitchell J Stokes on Dec 05, 2012
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Peer Review Comments Mitchell Stokes Comments on Ashley King's EIP: Edited By: Mitchell Stokes Hey!

Good Job! Overall, I feel like you got your major points across which is the most important part of this assignment, so kudos. From a writing standpoint, it is obvious that you know the rules of writing and how to write. I feel like you struggled the most with the MLA format of the in-text citations. Some things to consider: If you direct quote, you need a citation. If you paraphrase, you need a citation. If you need a citation, it should look like this → (Authors last name page #) → (Stokes 88) So I would go back and check all of those and see what you can do. I'm going to suggest to you a different approach to writing the paragraph. It is the way that I was taught in high school and I think it works great, feel free to use it or not! It is basically how to structure each of your paragraphs. 1. talk about. 2. Evidence – This is where find a piece of evidence from one of your sources that backs Assertion – This is where you make a statement about what the paragraph is going to

up your assertions and helps you prove whatever point you are trying to make. 3. Analysis/Commentary – This is where you take that evidence and write a sentence or

two about how it proves your assertion and is helpful to your paper. 4. Evidence – This is optional but if you have more evidence you can put it here to further

prove your point 5. evidence 6. Transition – Tie in the paragraph you just wrote with the one that you are going to write Analysis/Commentary – Contingent upon whether or not you use a secondary piece of

next, leads to hierarchical thinking and a logical progression of ideas.

I hope my comments help, and feel free to let me know if you have any questions about what I wrote!

Comments on Sadie Sutton's EIP: Edited by Mitchell Stokes: Sadie, great job! I really enjoyed reading your paper and learning about the truth behind underage drinking. Being someone who abstains from alcohol myself, I really resonated with the paper that you wrote and feel that you have a great chance at connecting with people who do drink illegally. I thought that telling how underage drinking has affected you personally was what really elevated your project to the next level. There was nothing in your paper that I wanted to change drastically, just a few grammar issues here and there. Mostly, I just highlighted/made comments about what I thought needed to be changed. Watch those contractions! While they are fun, they should not be used in formal writing assignments (or so I was taught in high school). There really was not anything else that I was majorly concerned with, except for your in-text citations. I double checked the MLA guide so that I knew what I was saying, and you must provide a page number for each in-text citation. Here are some of the rules: 2. If you direct quote → (Authors last name page #) → (Stokes 10) 3. If you paraphrase w/o talking about the author(s) → see above 4. If you say “Mitchell Stokes did a blah blah...” → (page #) I am pretty sure that those are the only ones that pertain to your paper. The last thing about citations that I have to say is that you should not end with a citation (again, what I was taught in high school). Basically, it is like throwing about a piece of evidence for the reader to think about, and then not following up on it. If you add some writing, even 1 or 2 sentences, after the evidence that you are providing, it will enhance the validity of the evidence and the comprehension of what the evidence means for the reader.

I think you did a great job, and I hope my comments are helpful. Feel free to let me know if you need any clarification or have any questions about what I said.

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