Copyright © 1973 by Jack Lee Rosenberg All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions First printing: February 1973, Second printing: December 1975, Illustrated by Joseph Jaqua Typeset by Vera Allen Composition Service, Castro Valley, California (special thanks to Vera and D o r o t h y ) Art Editor: Anne Kent Rush Special Editor: Pat Rosenberg Typist: Julanne Crockett Photograph of Jack Rosenberg by J o h n Pearson This book is co-published by Random House Inc. 201 East 50th Street New York, N.Y. 10022 and The Bookworks 2 0 4 3 Francisco Street Berkeley, California 94709 Distributed in the United States by Random House, and simultaneously published in Canada by Random House of Canada Limited, T o r o n t o Please order from Random House. Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data Rosenberg, Jack Lee, 1932Total Orgasm. 1, RA788.R64 ISBN 0-394-48501-7 ISBN 0-394-73167-0 (pbk) Manufactured in the United States of America Exercise. 2. Orgasm. I. Title. 1,500 copies in cloth 50,000 copies in paperback 25,000 copies in paperback

613.7'1

72-12650

to Said

and a special thanks to Phil Curcuruto, my Reichian therapist, from whom I have gained a great deal of knowledge.

Preface to the Second Edition
Since the publication of T O T A L ORGASM in 1973 I have been very pleased with the response that readers have given me by mail and directly in my workshops. Many of the letters commented that the exercises and concepts outlined here were useful: to some they were earth-shattering. The greatest enthusiasm has come from therapists and counselors in the sexual field, who see this book as a reference or a guide to their work. This acceptance is most gratifying and rewarding to me. Thank y o u . My thanks also to Brev Sinclair who devised the chart of exercises found on page 214 in this edition. It should greatly simplify remembering the sequence of exercises and therefore make their practice easier. Jack Lee Rosenberg 1975

Contents In the Beginning Some Principles How to Work Breathing and Movement Orgasm Exercising Alone Preliminaries for Working with a Partner Working with a Partner Masturbation Joining Together How to Lose your Mind Religion and Sex .Spirituality and Orgasm How the Book Came to Be 1 7 13 21 29 37 99 109 163 173 187 199 209 .

Publisher's Note: This edition of Total Orgasm includes a chart of exercises. found on page 214. which should be a great help both in giving at a glance an overview of the work and in providing a handy tear-out reference page to the structure of the work in progress. .

and they came together and begat children. you have to know how to set up the right conditions.the serious work of that coming together is removed. but barren of real personal pleasure. The book assumes that having an orgasm is a natural body event — much like sneezing . As you 1 . your orgasm will just happen. But now that peopling the earth is no longer an urgent goal — in fact it's rather frowned upon in some circles — . there is a continual desire for more and deeper pleasure coupled with the nagging thought that there is no such thing. and we are left with the pure pleasure of it. As you practice this pattern. Given the right conditions.and.In the Beginning there was a man and a woman. is a kind of reflex action. For many people. in order to go along with an orgasm. I offer here a set of exercises which can do just that. an obligation. If you feel that your present sexual relationship is okay. sexual union is barren of pleasure. and we've been doing it ever since. normal. have to be present for complete orgasm. a performance maybe. like many body events. good or excellent. but you wish to explore the possibility of making it even better. For others. begin to get in touch with excitement. then this book may be for you. tension and other that. You will learn to use your breathing and certain movements to build tension and energy in your body in a pattern which simulates the movements that automatically precede an orgasm. But. in fact. you will body feelings which until now you may not have known you had. all you will have to do once the conditions are set up is go along with it.

basic body therapies such as that of Wilhelm Reich and bio-energetic therapy. but which are a natural body event. you may come to see that previously you attained an orgasm by pushing on yourself. orgasms that will leave you nourished and fulfilled as never before.to have orgasms that are not limited in feeling to your genital area alone. some asanas (exercises) from Hatha Yoga. plus my personal experience and experimentation as a therapist. orgasms which are not forced in any way. I wondered where I could go to improve on "all right" and make it better. In fact. 2 . " Many of these are certainly useful and valid. I will show you how to take this increased capacity with your partner for both total and excitement. What I offer here is the result of my own search for answers to personal sex questions together with years of experience teaching the exercises at Gestalt awareness training workshops and with private patients.recreate this excitement again and again in your exercises. All this energy is organized into the book.with time and practice . more pleasure than you could before. as you practice these exercises. There are many books offering " 1 0 2 new positions" or urging us to drop our inhibitions and give ourselves permission to do " a n y t h i n g that feels o k a y . and join and physically — and to develop even more poetry of a excitement psychically orgasm. This book is not a sex manual and not a therapy or substitute for therapy. I have drawn into this book elements from Gcstalt awareness training. dance and movement therapies (primarily the work of Ann Halprin). the structural patterning concepts of Ida Rolf and Moshe Feldenkrais. pleasure Finally. which can culminate in a complete involvement together in the enjoyment and It is possible . and that this very pushing blocked any intensity in the orgasm which resulted. but after I had gotten comfortable with the conviction that anything is all right. you will learn how to allow yourself to tolerate more excitement. but that fill your entire body and psyche.

a psychology of the body. for instance. We emphasize taking responsibility for your own behavior by gaining awareness of what is happening. among other things. particularly in an orgasm. "1 cannot learn to d a n c e . he usually abandons the activity that he has found hard to master. We learn how we are to behave in our sexual relations. He establishes a rule for himself. it is necessary to first become aware of what you are doing now. how you stop yourself. then you have a choice whether to continue what you are doing or change it. a beautiful person and dancer. at which he has not succeeded." T h e limits that he thus sets for himself will stop his development not only in fields that he has decided to abandon but also in other areas. " or "I am not sociable by nature. When the individual repeatedly experiences a certain difficulty. I have drawn from Dr. and we respond to that image of behavior more than to our feelings. both with our lives and with our bodies. The exercises in allow you to experience how you stop yourself from building book excitement and tension and pleasure during intercourse. saying. and I owe the greatest gratitude to Ann Halprin. who shared with me her work in rhythmic movement and breath timing. Once you can feel h o w you block yourself. you will have the option to change those blockages." or "I shall never understand mathematics. The flow of movement leading to the orgastic reflex is like a dance.In Gestalt awareness we teach that in order to change any way of being. we acquire an overly limited idea of what we can be like and what we can do. This allowed me to develop movements directly associated with the orgastic reflex. how you prevent yourself from actualizing your own potential. Wilhelm Reich spent his life developing. you will be able to begin to replace your image of an orgasm with your real experience. The movement exercises in the book will allow you to experience the orgastic reflex as feelings. He translated many of Freud's psychological concepts . they may even influence his entire personality. Moshe Feldenkrais the concept of "self-image": how because each of us behaves according to an image we have of ourselves. The key is the concept that until you are aware of what you this are doing you have no choice but to continue doing it. or that has proved disagreeable in some way.

and the idea of developing tolerance to pleasurable feelings. some heavy t e x t b o o k s full of scientific data. some offering advice. I have pleasing a partner or just general information.into body concepts. then worked directly with these bodily expressions. but it contributes a theory of psychic joining that is useful to us here and which I will enlarge upon later. it happens when either your psychological or your physiological setting is right (ideally b o t h ) . Tantric Yoga. Mountains of literature have been produced on the subject of sex. many sex manuals or how-to-do-it books offering the reader detailed instructions for having intercourse. along with these I borrow the attitude of allowing your body to The book is an eclectic collection of useful tools. found must hopelessly unrealistic. These this attitude books all assume that if you follow steps one. and his therapy included working with a person's breathing to directly effect the autonomic or "vegetative" nervous system. is for the most part not suited to Westerners. since it takes many years to master. It cannot be forced without inhibiting body pleasure. I have drawn from Reich's work his theoretical way of seeing energy flow in the body. . it is the art of letting go slowly. two and three. what holds them together is that they work. in view of individual differences. Many of the exercise from move in an unaccustomed way. My viewpoint is that each person take the responsibility for his own sexual pleasure. Each person must learn h o w to get in touch with his own feelings of sexual excitement and learn how to tolerate them and let them grow. positions 1 use are Yoga. and. that there can be no set procedure. He felt that you express psychic trauma in your b o d y through muscular patterns and tensions. of allowing yourself to be relaxed. the yoga of achieving enlightenment through sexual union. Orgasm is a reflex. your sex life will blossom. Hatha Yoga is the yoga of the body.

excitement prohibited. but not your of sex. enjoyment this is a good means of increasing your tension. While it is desireable to bring pleasure to a partner. Such problems are beyond the scope of the book.and with men who have trouble with premature ejaculation. . this my them could work against using to your if your that in professional emotions doctor had therapist very good treatment. Now let's begin. anyone who is suffering from continual impotence. follow your doctor's advice. don't do the exercises. it is easy to fall into a "performance t r a p " where you find yourself always working to please the other person. Although I have some results that an workshops to begin these exercises with how to be non-orgastic wish women helping experience multi-orgastic . These which or psychotherapy that may be disturbed by arousing your feelings or excitement. I want to show you how to give pleasure to yourself. or if you are you begin. that is. . I to emphasize to achieve this is not a book for anyone who has severe sex erection. the inability intercourse impossible.Most sex manuals tend to concentrate your attention upon pleasuring your partner. SPECIAL HEALTH PROBLEMS if you psychological are currently such undergoing as heart in any treatment disease for where a serious any physical or is problem. In my experience. or any other problem that makes regular problems . . show this book to your doctor before exercises will lead you to get in touch with feelings and will increase feels your breathing and your excitement. It can be injurious to both persons if it shifts the responsibility of excitement to someone or something else. and should be brought to the attention of a therapist.

you should view these experiences as signs of 7 .to relax and open yourself to your natural feeling of aliveness and flowing energy. the same energy and aliveness that you experience as sexual excitement. such as joy. loneliness. One way to describe how you get in touch with these feelings is to say that you will just allow them to happen. The information is not in this book and cannot be in any book. It would be well for you to have them in mind before you begin. because it is your experience of the excitement of being alive and of allowing your excitement to be expressed in many ways in your life. your work. understand that the information you need is inside you. a little at a time. the excitement and motion that come naturally during the sexual experience.Some Principles Your success with these exercises will be based on how much you can allow yourself to get in touch with your body sensations and your feelings . However. fear. your play and particularly in your sexual relationships. You will encounter feelings which surprise you. What you need is to get in touch with this excitement. It is important to realize that since you are trying to get in touch with your feelings. First of all. you will experience body sensations and perhaps emotions that seem to spring up from nowhere. This you can do by practicing the movements and breathing that will allow you to feel and to learn' to tolerate. excitement. grief and others. There can be no formulas or instructions to show you how to do this. As you work on these exercises. You let your feelings go. basic principles or concepts which underlie and guide this there are several work. anger.

If. and just go through the motions. you are person. A good orgasm presupposes loss of control.success. healthy response and that the strong emotions you now feel will pass in a while. to want to pull back to more familiar ground. Let your natural body reflex take over. if you eat all your cake now. Another important principle underlying this work is your attitude toward pleasure. . holding on too tight.go and enjoy themselves sexually now. suggest. you get an impulse or feeling to do a certain thing differently than 1 principles of the book. However. it is difficult to speak for another D o n ' t be or to try afraid to innovate for yourself. Therefore their response is to hold on. So long as it leads you toward increased feelings in your body and emotions you can't be on the wrong track. Some people feel that if they really let . they'll have nothing left for the future. Part of the purpose of the book is to help you to build a tolerance to pleasure and excitement. as you work with the something new — do it. Often people are caught by surprise by the strength and the sudden appearance of feelings they didn't know they felt. The way to have a better orgasm is to allow yourself to feel pleasure. you will quickly see that your body is only living out a natural. Go with your body. as clear markers that you are getting deeper in touch with yourself. you w o n ' t have it when you're hungry so you let it sit around until it 8 . In fact. in your b o d y . try to get into whatever feelings want to come out. Though such an experience may be unfamiliar to you at first. . In your head you begin to doubt whether you ought to be doing these exercises at all. But keep in mind the basic exercises. If you work on these exercises and feel nothing — something is wrong. as you work through this book. You may as well face the fact that these exercises will put you in touch with a strong resistance to your own pleasure. Did you ever ask yourself "I wonder if I should enjoy t h a t " and then decide not to? You may find. In our culture it is considered " a d u l t " to postpone pleasure and "save" some for tomorrow . that you have difficulty allowing yourself to feel good in both mind and body. you tense u p . Try not to do this. to resist the feelings. to want to regain control of themselves. stop breathing. as you move and breathe and get a pleasant sensation traveling up or down your body. you very well may be on the only track that will work for you.

. there's a really interesting thing you can do. In fact. . For a clear idea of how to go with your excitement. . In sex. Now stand up and try moving your hips in a circle (this is a warm-up exercise used in Tai Chi) . relaxed and quiet. . you are beginning to get in orgasm. side." recognizing the orgasm's similarity to the ultimate "letting g o " — death. Adults are "controlled" children. . Continue to slow your movement down. in fact in some languages the orgasm is referred to as " t h e little death. For instance. Others secretly fear that they will die of over-pleasure. . again. and you have just controlled in yourself. slow it down . and imitate that excitement . back. Think of the meaning of the phrase "be cool. T h e n . because it means your excitement will be shut off just as it begins to build. turning your head etc. such as scratching your leg. are really the same movements that the child makes in exaggerated form. a little at a time. You control yourself by deadening your emotional responses. touch with how you're stopping yourself from the feeling of total Become aware of your breathing . forward." How do you "control" your excitement? Always by restricting your movements and your breathing. side . if you can identify these feelings in yourself now. for .molds. Watch the excitement of a child at play. all around in a smooth circle. stop reading for a moment and breathe normally. . now move half as fast. . . let yourself j u m p and move and scratch. Children literally let their excitement carry them away.. and you will find that your bodily movements. the notion of postponing pleasure is self-defeating. . watch a child at play. moving your foot. and again. and then you don't have it anyway.

you will turn yourself on — not because you are performing for anyone else or for an image of what you might look like. automatically. you will get to know yourself better and will open up the 10 . getting of into the the area. perhaps you are one of the lucky ones who can have pleasure easily. perhaps the Tai Chi exercise came easily for you . . and go off.about a minute. when she starts the foreplay of sex. You have also blocked any sensations or feelings from But. When you move and breathe in this way. unfortunately. but she has no shortage of pleasure in her life. but because this breathing and motion will really feel good to you. For instance. By beginning to experience (not think about) how you move. you do not need this book. In fact. and it's like a spiral. I don't understand why you're writing all this stuff about breathing and everything. . cannot breathe. Perhaps you experience no difficulty with your breathing . You have " c o n t r o l l e d " yourself. just a good lawyer! Finally. Tai You have constricted your muscles. "I don't do all that breathing stuff to have an orgasm. your pelvis. is to breathe hard. I keep going higher and higher. yelling and making noise (she's very extroverted)." I began to question her. Chi practitioner doesn't anatomically possible for everyone to breathe and move his pelvis at the same time. . If you are like her. I don't know what you're talking about. She has. She has as many orgasms as she wants. In fact. and she really puts her whole body into her sexual experience before she starts having intercourse. . Your abdominal muscles are drawn up tight. you are n o w breathing in restricted pants from your chest. I just go off. which is moving. before penetration. course. and go off. I have a friend who says she is multi-orgastic. the work in this book is an awareness training exercise. No breath can reach your abdomen. and she says. What she does. separating have this problem. what about your breathing? If you're like most people. It is breathing from motion. been charged with disturbing the peace and has been asked to move by more than one landlady. that is just what my exercises are all about. You have blocked your breath from getting down into your pelvis. breathe and feel during intercourse. Now. blocking your feelings.

by reading this book you will have thought about what your present pattern is. You will have gotten in touch with where you are now. Even if you decide not to incorporate these exercises into y o u r orgasmic pattern or your sex life. 11 . where and when you are tense or tired and whether you are really willing to let yourself enjoy yourself. and you will have seen that perhaps there is a choice for you. what you feel like in intercourse. By doing this. you will have made a big step toward loving yourself a little more.possibility of moving away from patterns which have previously blocked your pleasure. Follow your feelings and see where you go.

However. It is a good idea to have your partner begin his or her solitary work at the same time you d o . not your head. Since these two kinds of exercises are somewhat different. spending time on yourself.Just try to let yourself go into these exercises. or try to solve a problem in this kind of work. It's a fine habit to cultivate. just allowing yourself to " b e . Success in the body. try to get your head into a place where you can have a good time with yourself alone — doing something for yourself. But start now. not trying to learn anything. not wanting to accomplish anything. I have put t h e m into separate sections of the b o o k . Instead. pleasure of sex requires that you allow yourself to enjoy. when you set yourself a goal. you may not be in the habit of being good to yourself. They are for your whole 13 . That way both of you will be at about the same place when you begin your work together. or in any other situation in which you'll have to be aware of another person. Pleasing yourself is an absolute must for better sex .. that's when you're bound to be defeated. You will be working alone for a week or more before you begin work with your partner.How to Work Some of the exercises in the book are to be done alone. don't work alone together. . others are done with a partner. though it may take time before you can really relax into it. be greedy! When you try to push for something. " Such an attitude may be a luxury to y o u .

I t m a y s u r p r i s e y o u t h a t I suggest not this. will merely to again. feel less t e n s e . perhaps you'll be m o r e aware of your own feelings.Once you get into the solitary exercises you may begin to feel s o m e changes in your body at p a t t e r n s o r m o v e m e n t . y o u will that loving. of t h e normally begin It keep on our bodies and which to makes us adults. Whether y o u work with your m a t e or not. . But y o u should consider lead you you change some a d d s o m e t h i n g t o t h e l e a r n i n g p r o c e s s a n d can patterns and blaming games. so you may it. when have less c h a n c e o f t r e a t i n g of y o u r set return t o y o u r m a t e for i n t e r c o u r s e . instead them Once you begin to feel these changes. This b o o k is i n t e n d e d to add to you from y o u r loved o n e . P e r h a p s y o u ' l l p a y m o r e a t t e n t i o n t o y o u r s e x u a l e x p e r i e n c e . inhibit patterns of movement you are trying to develop. p e r h a p s you'll breathe m o r e easily. just turning begin feel sexual experiences . them as you off. exciting s i t u a t i o n as an exercise. this can bring old patterns of response into situations. I am n o t trying in any way to take you from your your when pleasure. What's happening is that the you have sphincters relax to them that hold you feel your a sign y o u ' r e o p e n i n g y o u r pelvis. As have to urinate Don't your worry more often. T h e first t h i n g t o d e c i d e i s w h o t o w o r k w i t h . to working The avoid with your can mate or usual sex p a r t n e r . An A increase lot in interrupt is that to of also we exercises. P e r h a p s t h e c h a n g e s will b e slight first. y o u ' r e p a y i n g a t t e n t i o n t o the b l a d d e r . . as children. about flatulence controls opposed control of l o o s e n i n g internal structures. Also. it is very i m p o r t a n t that you work with s o m e o n e w i t h w h o m y o u feel q u i t e c o m f o r t a b l e . and y o u can as if you tell w h e n they're tight. You may notice an increase in your frequency of urination. let g o . But they tend to the new I have found that separate are used people new to each other. b u t t h e y ' l l b e e n o u g h f o r y o u t o get t h e feel o f w h a t t h i s a p p r o a c h i s all a b o u t . U n l e s s y o u are a t 14 . two not normal sexual partner. you'll be ready to begin work with a partner. caring. T h i s d o e s n o t m e a n t h a t y o u c a n ' t get means that you're beginning more to feel them of again.

Keep your exercises and y o u r sex life separate. and will n o t h a v e a n y g e n i t a l c o n t a c t d u r i n g t h e e x e r c i s e s . T h e i l l u s t r a t i o n s i n in the nude so the body might make it m o v e m e n t s can be s h o w n m o r e easier for you to work with this b o o k are d r a w n clearly. By the w a y . be sure your perspective partner is really as interested in the work as y o u are a n d is n o t exercising j u s t to please y o u . he or I attention feelings about she attractive to you? S o m e o n e w h o r e a l l y r e p e l s y o u w o n ' t d o . y o u will l o s e t h e s e n s e of y o u r are inside own d e v e l o p m e n t . your you You partner. What you want is a w a r m but situation. w i t h o u t f e e l i n g that he w a n t s to change y o u . Finally. Also. but frequent. keep in m i n d pick s o m e o n e w h o will c o m p l i c a t e y o u r to work with uncharged could y o u feel g o o d b e i n g w i t h you want to change him or the life. Don't sex. t h e y to be d o n e slowly a n d w i t h a great deal of a w a r e n e s s of w h a t is h a p p e n i n g you. pleasing performing waiting for s o m e o n e else t o p r o v e s o m e t h i n g for y o u . L o o k for s o m e o n e a n d c a n a c c e p t j u s t a s h e o r s h e is. I t will you not be necessary to be completely n u d e with your partner. be problem of complications. will may not end unless be up able you to feel let or absolutely go into n o demand o r e x p e c t a t i o n your or own excitement and enjoyment. it can be a good idea for two couples to work together. Is partner.ease for with help. o r t h e g r o u p e x p e r i e n c e will t a k e o v e r . it m a y feel overlook b e easier the possibility of working with someone of the same t o find s o m e o n e o f y o u r o w n s e x w i t h w h o m y o u w o u l d who would share your interest in doing these comfortable working and exercises. S i t u a t i o n s c a r r y i n g e m o t i o n a l l o a d s will n o t h e l p y o u f o l l o w t h i s b o o k . and h o p e f u l l y b o t h will get b e t t e r ! 15 . Don't F o r i n s t a n c e . T h e s e e x e r c i s e s a r e f o r your a w a r e n e s s t r a i n i n g . but do not work with more p e o p l e t h a n t h i s . Going suggest you a pay little further to into your the question of c h o o s i n g y o u r the person. These considerations someone other than your mate. a m a r r i e d m a n w h o p i c k s his s e c r e t a r y asking for trouble.

and s o you can move without sweating. T h e temperature in y o u r space should be "body warm" so you can slip o u t o f y o u r clothes w i t h o u t g o o s e b u m p s . Let's assume it. best place to w o r k . It should be somewhere you will not be disturbed. the edge. that you both like. M a y b e a sleeping b a g will d o . Try for a t i m e o f d a y i n y o u r s p a c e w h e r e b a c k g r o u n d n o i s e i s a t a m i n i m u m . w h e n w o r k i n g w i t h a p a r t n e r . The is a very over floor is usually the large o n e . external sounds conversations like music will i n t e r f e r e development of your internal rhythms. anyway. It allows more movement. room I predict you for will e n d u p w o r k i n g o n t h e f l o o r and more stability for the your partner together. I really feel t h a t a n y b e d s m a l l e r t h a n k i n g size will n o t d o f o r y o u a n d In fact. Lie down on will you have picked o u t y o u r space a n d are n o w s t a n d i n g in y o u r b a c k f o r a m o m e n t . . either by an intruder or by too m u c h noise. If the enough to floor in your space isn't carpeted. help to A n o t h e r a r g u m e n t i n favor o f w o r k i n g o n t h e f l o o r : i t will f r o m y o u r s e x life ( a s s u m i n g y o u d o t h a t k e e p the exercises separate mostly in b e d ) .Where To Work P i c k a r o o m or a s p a c e t h a t y o u like . you will want padding - m a k e a c o m f o r t a b l e b u t firm s u p p o r t b e n e a t h y o u . . moderate day nothing could be better! your you routine start! But have an i n d o o r r e t r e a t a v a i l a b l e for c o l d o r r a i n y d a y s s o w o n ' t s u f f e r . For persons working outdoors: on a beautiful. Also. grounding exercises. A n d p o l i c e t h e a r e a for a n t h i l l s a n d b e e h i v e s b e f o r e 16 . traffic o r keep you from with the c l e a r l y h e a r i n g yourself. t h o u g h a b e d will d o i f i t i f y o u u s e a b e d . W h a t d o y o u h e a r ? M u s i c . m a k e s u r e y o u c a n n o t feel like y o u ' r e Perhaps you can make a double bed do for exercising going alone. o r a b l a n k e t o r t w o .

I said minimal as well.What about waterbeds? No good. earlier that you w a n t to w o r k in a space which will b r i n g y o u external such as stimuli. this is t h e b o d y ' s to close normal but you times alone W h e n y o u are tired a n d y o u r b o d y has begun p u s h o n i t t o w o r k . Get little. The to hear yourself during the exercise. inside You partner. The information you. it pushes right back o n y o u a n d a m o t i o n o f w a v e s i s set u p all a r o u n d y o u . T h e basic thought for w o r k i n g will is: want to be good to rested before y o u begin. i t will o n l y w a n t t o c l o s e m o r e . T h a t m a k e s first t h i n g i n t h e m o r n i n g o r j u s t a f t e r a nap ideal. This thought applies to internal alcohol. w i t h it. F i n d a w o r k s p a c e w i t h o u t d i s t r a c t i o n s a n d t u n c in your own inner music. W o r k i n g a t s u c h be I frustrating and accomplish myself. J u s t a s w i t h m u s i c o r noise. regularizing y o u r b r e a t h i n g a n d listening to w h a t ' s going on inside you i s w h a t i t ' s all a b o u t . thing and will same is t r u e of an air m a t t r e s s . will j u s t you away yourself and e f f o r t s will and clear. F i n d s o m e - solid. naturally closes u p . T h e best t i m e to do this w o r k is w h e n y o u are 17 . T h e s e e x e r c i s e s a r e d e s i g n e d t o let y o u o p e n u p t o y o u r s e l f . were You born y o u n e e d t o increase can't get it from a y o u r sexual pleasure y o u can't get it must come from this from book. A t i r e d b o d y defense reaction. be wasted. tobacco they or grass. T h e reason is that w h e n y o u push d o w n on the w a t e r b e d . this motion all will i n t e r f e r e w i t h y o u r a b i l i t y be lost. Exercising on t h e m is definitely o u t . r e l a x i n g y o u r muscles. y o u s h o u l d feel r e s t e d a s y o u s t a r t t h e e x e r c i s e s . Do take not b u t extraneous s t i m u l i in from stimulants or indulge depressants your calm before exercising. F i r s t . a n y t i m e t h a t fits y o u a n d includes the following considerations. About Time W h a t ' s a g o o d t i m e o f d a y t o begin e x e r c i s i n g ? B a s i c a l l y .

t h e n t o the pelvis. . 18 .) The y o u are a n d the more frequently you practice. as it t a k e s y o u . d o w n to the jaw the neck. treat yourself. it's n o t a M a k e a niche of time a n d space a r o u n d yourself. the sooner y o u should be ready for w o r k i n g w i t h a p a r t n e r .a b d o m i n a l b r e a t h i n g ) . l u x u r i a t e in it I t ' s b e s t t o w o r k c o n s i s t e n t l y for several w e e k s . All t h e e x e r c i s e s y o u will be d o i n g go in a s e q u e n c e . W h a t y o u will b e w o r k i n g for i s g e t t i n g a sense o f y o u r o w n n a t u r a l r h y t h m . then with a partner. t h e n b a c k up to w o r k with the synchronizing o f all t h e s e m o v e m e n t s t o g e t h e r . start exercising. T h a t will t a k e y o u a s l o n g I f seven o r e i g h t s e s s i o n s leaves p a r t n e r (the you u n c e r t a i n w h e r e y o u arc. . three weeks. . We always start at and the mouth. w o r k i n g alone or the head. Realize every will person need unique. people only O t h e r s will b e s l o w e r g e t t i n g t h e i r r h y t h m t o g e t h e r . S o m e of breathing exercises and they've got it. but allow from the start a way to w o r k at least o n c e a day for t w o weeks. F o l l o w y o u r feelings. O n c e y o u get you have it" means. o f course. . c o m p a r e notes with your future on the together exercises. w h o p e r s o n y o u will b e w o r k i n g with m o r e relaxed is n o w also working alone. then bringing feel the energy down into the legs a n d g r o u n d i n g i t . one each series t a k e s his o w n right a m o u n t of t i m e . then we go to s y n c h r o n i z i n g the b r e a t h i n g ( c h e s t . l e t t i n g y o u get the of energy in y o u r feet . the upper chest .I f y o u have good time to a heavy a p p o i n t m e n t to rush off to in an h o u r . go to the eyes. or however long until you started. that you'll understand is what "until you feel feel y o u h a v e it.

you can't get in touch by pushing. I felt I couldn't since book is n o t exclusively use j u s t she or j u s t he a l o n e . e t c . in describing t h e exercises. This is a play experience for you. t h i s i s a s e c r e t for y o u a l o n e .Where Your Head Is As y o u begin w o r k i n g a l o n e . one the a l t e r n a t i n g w h i c h c a m e first. P u s h i n g i s a f t e r all h o w y o u have p r o b a b l y g o n e a b o u t s e x all t h e s e y e a r s . Be kind to yourself. T h i s w o r k is a lot easier t h a n it s e e m s . The solution fits I chose your is to m o s t l y situation. You have nothing to lose or accomplish. R e l a x . after It became impossibly clumsy the other. All y o u c a n d o i s get i n t o u c h w i t h t h e f e e l i n g s a n d r h y t h m y o u w e r e b o r n w i t h . I found myself saying " h e or she this" or "have him or her do t h a t " or otherwise using the masculine a n d the feminine pronoun hand. if y o u . are say i n y o u r m i n d s u b s t i t u t e she e v e r y w h e r e he. O n t h e o t h e r for e i t h e r s e x a l o n e . to keep repeating both forms. Where My Head Is F r e q u e n t l y . b u t t h a t ' s an u n d e r t a k i n g too big for m e ! . k e e p t h e s e t h i n g s i n m i n d : T h e r e i s really n o t h i n g to a c c o m p l i s h . there is no goal. reader. No o n e can do in your space s e e y o u . me. Enjoy working yourself. Don't push yourself. W h a t e v e r y o u on these exercises is for your pleasure. pronoun forms. T h i s i s g e n t l e w o r k . use he the I in the book when working I mean with a whichever gender woman. A n d b e a r w i t h We need a n e w p r o n o u n form in the language.

I want to o t h e r functions and activities of your b o d y is quite here only about breathing. However. and assumes about breathing together. relaxation t e c h n i q u e s ( a n d yoga exercises) are based on this principle. your Any emotional by response you immediately your breathing can alter Conversely. O n e result of doing the exercises is that you during intercourse. The relationship between complex. Excitement. is also achieved by altering the breathing pattern. you the the performs w h e n activity enter for sex world. pattern. This is w h a t my exercises are designed to do. movement and emotion. Breathing have will is directly change related your to emotion. W i t h o u t i t all o t h e r first internal self-supporting activity y o u r you probably you take have the this never central fail. This have book important thought entirely and granted. emotions and consciously Many changing breathing. talk and what they have to do with sex. To a certain it extent and you easily have control of your breath. y o u will have m o r e e n e r g y o r " c h a r g e " a v a i l a b l e t o charge will result in a more intense This increased orgasm. the opposite of relaxation. never realized role t h e b r e a t h p l a y s i n y o u r sex life. you feelings. 21 .Breathing and Movement Breathing is the systems body of the body m o s t basic It is f u n c t i o n o f y o u r b o d y .

One f u r t h e r a s s u m e s t h a t y o u o r I will h a v e t o l e a r n h o w t o p a y a t t e n t i o n t o w h e r e we block energy in our bodies." aggressive an feeling. responses. It is possible you move. arms m a i n t a i n this Working with person.Body to alter your movements feelings begin and by arc also closely the a s s o c i a t e d w i t h e m o t i o n s . a n d what patterns we have developed in b o t h b r e a t h i n g and movement which disrupt and frustrate o u r natural potential. y o u r It is almost impossible to be depressed and stand slouch. That move apply both to affect your of the sexual way you feel. This principle will you obviously feelings a n d h o w y o u express t h e m . preventing us from reaching our orgastic In this book I use in the term excitement when to cover the a joy. if you changing way dance. W h e n y o u feel d e p r e s s e d a n d d o w n . r h y t h m and charge in their presence. you may shoulders slope t o feel h a p p y . increase spreading you it over y o u r entire will learn how to torso. So is. T h e exercises in will g u i d e y o u i n t o t h i s p r o p e r b r e a t h i n g a n d m o v e m e n t . process (oxidizing stored so you 22 . and the vice both you movement breathe and and b r e a t h i n g are the way you directly related to emotions. anticipation. One centered energy assumes that the Natural (an Man or Woman. experience will legs. relaxed and always in present entity would have n o b l o c k s a n d no t r o u b l e b u i l d i n g his or her charge to a t o t a l orgasm. way versa. I've yet to completely meet). When that proper breathing and study the mechanics will lead you to an a n o r g a s m . w h i c h y o u as an your undulating wave excitement. another that flows up and down your body. y o u see emotional high and movement set up the c o n d i t i o n s necessary this b o o k will They and to trigger y o u r orgastic reflex. w h e r e w e store tension. h e i g h t e n e d energy concern With or a mobilization strong that occurs an your body there's strong etc. w h e r e w e h o l d o n e m o t i o n a l l y . with your shoulders back and y o u r chest out. growing excitement nutrients in t h e r e ' s always the body) increase of the metabolic need more air. For example. "contact.

keeping themselves their breath which is " c a l m . it breathing is is the most sensitive measure of any emotional important that you respond to y o u r increased excitement by of your breathing. We life-preserving instinct whenever o u r sudden. which The word "anxiety" comes of from the and — narrowness describes the condition involuntarily-constricted chest. h u m a n s also use this primitive At such full a t t e n t i o n i s n e e d e d . e i t h e r b y b r e a t h i n g extend this emergency behavior are a s o u r c e o f d i s t r a c t i o n . forcibly to and their feelings.Since experience. excitement. movements rabbit or is apparent. because rigidity feeling. movement Earlier I suggested When you try an exercise for rotating your pelvis in a circular motion. prevents you from f e e l i n g y o u r feelings a s w e l l . It kingdom. 23 . and you You this is try hold to "control" rigid yourself. cool and collected. the breath attention. control may forms of e x c i t e m e n t . any its through organism observation which and is of other m e m b e r s of the frightened will animal halt its of a that and suddenly Think breathing. s o w e t r y shallowly indefinitely sexual or by or holding shift it our to breath. thereby But instead. of t h e startled reflex deer that has been surprised along a road. freeze. most people do this m o v e m e n t they hold their breath." T h e reason people t e n d to that are breathing deeply and fully are to amplifies brought their feelings. often uncomfortable. experience of wanting to get constrictions angusta — of the chest air i n t o lungs w h i c h are i m m o b i l i z e d b y m u s c u l a r diaphragm. Whenever body movement. times t h e very s o u n d s a n d muscular m o v e m e n t s t h a t g o with b r e a t h i n g t o get One other rid o f t h e m . the restriction restricting r e p r e s s uncomfortable feelings o f pleasurable feelings a s w e l l . m a n y with their people increasing the attempt by hold these to rate a n d amplitude their control excitement. in you to automatically prevent restrict even your yourself order minute movements. interferring breathing. leads to Unfortunately. The attempt subjective experience of a breathing difficulty caused by a p e r s o n ' s It is the to control his or her e x c i t e m e n t is one d e s c r i p t i o n o f anxiety. for e x a m p l e .

feel deeply breathing. y o u n o d o u b t feel t h e i r s t r a i n . T h e m o r e alive y o u a r e . freely. a l m o s t like g l i d i n g . I t i s a l s o p o s s i b l e t o c r o s s t h e same by using a lot of u n n e c e s s a r y m u s c l e s a n d e x p r e s s i n g g r e a t effort. it frequently g e t s s h u t d o w n j u s t w h e n m o r e air i s n e e d e d . A t r a i n e d d a n c e r o r a monk often gives this appearance. b u t a l s o w i t h e x a g g e r a t e d facial e x p r e s s i o n s . and or neck. I t i s p o s s i b l e t o c o m p l e t e a n a c t i o n . In crescendo m a k i n g love t h e r e c a n b e a s m o o t h a n d f l o w i n g m o v e m e n t r e a c h i n g a of excitement. of movement in and. deeply. and your body can naturally express your the absence of m o v e m e n t t h e r e is no feeling. When y o u observe this type s o m e o n e . suppressed no and feeling can no revived To through be wholly breathing. orgastic movements 24 . you can h o l d on t h e very b e g i n n i n g .w a l k i n g a c r o s s t h e f l o o r . move feeling. each m o v e m e n t is coordinated and no m o t i o n is wasted.During sexual excitement the breath is affected the same way. will anus. s m o o t h l y . during T h i s e x c e s s effort restriction you of of your sexual interferes breathing pleasure. a n d y o u m u s t m o v e i t again t o regain depth of your be breathing affects the intensity Death breathe of your is no t o feel i n a l i m b w h i c h the feeling. In movements. M o v e m e n t i s a n a t u r a l p a r t o f b e i n g alive. alive is to movement. any rob h a n d s . Y o u lose y o u r ability i s i m m o b i l i z e d . onto with or hanging on to your partner or the bed with buttocks Simply love-making or put. legs a n d yourself in total your the abdomen. T h e r e is a j o y in observing this k i n d of m o v e m e n t — and an inner joy space make in b e i n g a b l e t o m o v e t h a t w a y . release. Since the feeling. then gradually from decreasing to stillness a n d complete satisfaction. t h e more spontaneous your feelings. t h e j o u r n e y very difficult. t e n s i o n s i n the back feet. n o t o n l y b y failing t o b r e a t h e p r o p e r l y . for instance — Zen w i t h l i t t l e o r n o e f f o r t . Or.

B r e a t h i n g is n o t j u s t i n h a l i n g . breathe hampered and fully position of any work expend. With of b r e a t h i n g y o u a maximum amount a m i n i m u m a m o u n t of effort. i f y o u h o l d y o u r pelvis r i g i d l y . In t h e e x e r c i s e s for pelvic rocking. using b o t h your chest and y o u r a b d o m e n . it is a full c y c l e of i n h a l i n g and e x h a l i n g . " chest passive if that p r o c e d u r e allowed b y musculature is not releasing t h e released and abdomen. 25 . your diaphragm contracts and p r e v e n t s t h e " l e t t i n g g o " i n t h e a b d o m e n n e c e s s a r y for o r g a s t i c r e l e a s e . T h i s t y p e of breathing is initiated in the ego and requires a deliberate effort to maintain. you rhythmical will find pelvic an pelvic my movement exercises and is an integral part of emphasize helping you together. Each holding the person breath. s o m e air i s r e t a i n e d i n t h e l u n g s a n d s u b s e q u e n t i n h a l a t i o n i s r e s t r i c t e d . of the Therefore. As one become more relaxed a n d " o u t o f m i n d . b u t is held in t e n s i o n . b e c a u s e pelvis participates in e v e r y b r e a t h c y c l e . or a l o n g a r o u g h r o a d . smooth you always rhythm. fully. by in the spite the breath of follows the effort body. b u t a failure t o a l l o w all t h e air t o b e e x h a l e d a g a i n . Breathing out is very m u c h muscles in like the "letting g o . In unless deeply proper development. p u t t i n g t h e g r e a t e s t p o s s i b l e v o l u m e o f air i n t o t h e lungs. o r t o a l l o w t h e c h e s t t o r e l a x e n o u g h so that the air It can is a be completely expelled. the you will p r a c t i c e t h i s p r i n c i p l e . p r o p e r b r e a t h i n g c a n ' t t a k e p l a c e . to that coordinate of sex your requires movement exhalation your every breathing forward swing rhythm If you with inhale during forward movement. has One his way or her own characteristic way of breathing and of breathing is in uneven spurts? as if b u m p i n g d o w n a staircase. you a definite That is.The exercises is type of breathing that diaphragmatic of air w i t h I want to encourage this type you to try in these get called breathing. F u r t h e r . learn The pelvis. " his b r e a t h i n g s m o o t h e s o u t . how a healthy body. For some people the problem is n o t a lack of air i n t a k e . T h e diaphragm is pulled d o w n . t h e chest is e x p a n d e d a n d t h e b e l l y i s p u s h e d o u t . In breathing.

w h i l e a t first i t m a y s e e m a s i f little to you. intense. to allow it t o b e e x p r e s s e d fully. T h e Y o u will w a n t t o s t a y with the e m o t i o n until it subsides. usually starting in mouth) and if very often t h e h a n d s . you must first figure out stop yourself from m a k i n g a c o m p l e t e o r full e x h a l a t i o n . start breathing deeply. to pay find The work is to slow. I call the is breathing required You pattern. you h a v e t o a l l o w t i m e for y o u r b o d y t o o v e r c o m e its As brings a you new work flood and through of the exercises. smooth-breathing pay attention of to." so pay close a t t e n t i o n t o it. moving pattern. w h e n all o f a lie for sudden in the you will break too fast. d e e p e r b r e a t h i n g . h o w m u s c l e c o n t r a c t i o n s to i n h i b i t a full e x h a l a t i o n . your breathing is your "feeling thermometer. tension. encouraged excessive breathing. you may which This interrupts is what find t h a t e a c h n e w one your you newly should established look for and emotions. through and move on from there. T h e r e f o r e . how and a great deal of how you'll training concentration you're attention that you you're in steps moving and or levels. will progress p e r i o d i c a l l y r e a c h a p l a t e a u w h e r e n o t h i n g s e e m s t o b e h a p p e n i n g . c o m f o r t a b l e p l a c e . As you sensations. 26 . become These tingling and extending by sensations. s t o p . Your problem will trying to go a n d in g o i n g b e y o n d y o u r b o d y ' s level of t o l e r a n c e and increased feelings that come with "letting increased oxygenation g o " and with is old happening patterns. W h e n a n e w e m o t i o n c o m e s u p .To how you this you use check out your own breathing pattern. you will develop you'll probably notice some new body in various parts of Invariably tingling sensations y o u r b o d y . t h a t is. g o b a c k t o a place in the exercise sequence that feels c o m f o r t a b l e a n d m o v e t h r o u g h t h e s e q u e n c e a g a i n f r o m t h i s safe. feet a n d face ( p a r t i c u l a r l y a r o u n d t h e over the whole can body. W h a t is h a p p e n i n g is t h a t y o u r b o d y emotion you feel i s e n e r g y is " l e t t i n g g o " of an old released as the pattern is pattern broken. Remember. w a t c h i n g y o u r b r e a t h i n g p a t t e r n closely. In t h e e x e r c i s e s . breathing.

As excitation you and begin to develop through the capacity to tolerate the higher dizziness levels and of the oxygenation proper breathing. sensation there than hurry. begin on and the only maintain activation sexual feelings body through breathing should o n l y b e d o n e w i t h a c o m p e t e n t t h e r a p i s t p r e s e n t w h o i s familiar w i t h t h i s t y p e of work. T h u s y o u will b e a l l o w i n g y o u r s e l f t o t o l e r a t e m o r e breathing.e. W h e n y o u a r e c a u g h t u p i n s e x u a l e x c i t e m e n t . y o u b e c o m e a f r a i d ) t h a t will b e d i f f i c u l t t o o v e r c o m e l a t e r . i t i s p o s s i b l e t o 27 . e m e r g i n g d u r i n g t h e e x e r c i s e s . If you do.w i t h o u t s h u t t i n g it off . is if This no disappear as soon as your breathing is are completely better and under your control. tingling will t e n d These to diminish a n d disappear.by c o n c e n t r a t i n g on y o u r The charge final s t e p i n t h e e x e r c i s e s i s t o a l l o w y o u r n e w l y r e l e a s e d e n e r g y o r to be focused into y o u r orgastic e x p e r i e n c e . Such sensations are k n o w n as " p a r e s t h e s i a " in as carbon symptoms dioxide rate. These the slightest the exercises amount of of only or minimal tingling is amounts necessary any oxygenation. you will find that the sensations. e x c i t e m e n t . push off if y o u create an you yourself emotional r e s i s t a n c e (i. Whether irrelevant. due to sometimes when seen too much is discharged our work rapidly increased breathing there's chance that y o u r b o d y utilize. will u s u a l l y is relaxed push the and slows down. learn to phenomenon You Don't tolerate yourself.feelings of n u m b n e s s can arc occurs a occur. In of hyperventilation. This requires unifying t h e b o d y ' s feelings. leaving only a " c h a r g e " of energy. from the more medicine and Hyperventilation blood. a n d for will get o v e r c h a r g e d w i t h o x y g e n w h i c h i t i s u n a b l e t o you may experience some dizziness or n u m b n e s s to this reason which y o u are n o t a c c u s t o m e d . People w h o are actively w o r k i n g or exercising regularly are n o t as likely to develop these symptoms. require sensation simulated It is this phenomenon that is hyperventilation breathing be or over-oxygenation is important excess of to stress avoided. are very similar to the feelings o f e x c i t e m e n t t h a t feelings o f e x c i t a t i o n an go along with o r g a s m .

a n d h e l p y o u d e v e l o p a h i g h e r level o f e x c i t a t i o n . m a k i n g itself a v a i l a b l e for y o u r o r g a s m . M y e x e r c i s e s o n g r o u n d i n g p r e v e n t t h i s energy loss the by focusing y o u r or excitement It i n y o u r f e e t a n d legs. then a g a i n . a n d t h e i r r e l a t i o n t o is as though the energy travels down your earth something solid. is c a p t u r e d or collected. they can open your body to y o u r energy f l o w . b o d y . I t will b e w o r t h y o u r efforts! 28 . reaches the ground. w h i c h will r e s u l t i n i n c r e a s e d b o d y p l e a s u r e a n d m o r e life f o r y o u .d i s s i p a t e o r w a s t e y o u r e n e r g y . b o u n c e s u p y o u r legs If you are patient with these exercises.

depends on individual's capacity is r i d i c u l o u s . 29 . universal consciousness. If your accept these this state experiences as "the aren't in the first category. And there are m a n y people w h o seem unable to experience an orgasm at all.Orgasm Perhaps experience. orgasm. o t h e r s as a small m a t c h lit t o w a r d o f f t h e darkness of a dismal existence. and For yet some. Some of our natural the satisfying. change it! ( B e t t e r y e t . each Certainly is an orgasm? What am the study I talking a b o u t ? T h e r e is no s t a n d a r d for pleasure and excitement. then for heaven's sake. Again It to is no a the experience union peak with known the to man or can cosmic come closer to a than peak the most gifts. again for we sometimes strive its transitory it is and toward value is ultimate experience. orgasm. pleasant. people experience orgasms as sky r o c k e t s e x p l o d i n g . T h e r e are m a n y t h a t c a n n o t b e c h a n g e d for t h e b e t t e r t h a t w e h a v e t o l e a r n t o live w i t h . a comparative O r g a s m is a s u b j e c t i v e e x p e r i e n c e that is impossible to m e a s u r e a n d pigeonhole. ) But what orgasm. s o i f there is something that you can change. there is no need to way y o u a r e . somewhat culmination. d o i t f o r y o u r own s a k e . one o f e x c i t e m e n t a n d its awe-inspiring. others less. " Y o u r o r g a s m can b e i m p r o v e d t h r o u g h (in f a c t s o m e t i m e s i t s e e m s t o o m a n y ) things exercises.

information their field p i o n e e r e d b y Sexual Response. if I were to do this I would describe subject avoid a c o m p l i c a t e d s e t o f a n a t o m i c a l r e s p o n s e s t h a t h a v e l o n g b e e n a favorite of literary fiction a n d fantasy (and some scientific fantasy as well!).What I could do is describe an orgasm from a number of different . To 1 refer you for sound scientific the mass to of mis-information the studies in this available. a n d w h a t s t a g e s l e a d u p t o it. W i t h t h i s k n o w l e d g e y o u c a n alter the q u a l i t y o f y o u r o r g a s m s . W i l h e l m R e i c h p r e s e n t s a n o r g a s m t h e o r y w h i c h I have interpreted in the following diagram. h o w it h a p p e n s . Masters and J o h n s o n in However. 30 . What I prefer to discuss here is the process of an orgasm. physiological level.w h a t takes v i e w p o i n t s . W e c o u l d first t a l k a b o u t t h e p h y s i o l o g y o f a n o r g a s m place on an anatomical. I personally monumental contribution Human have always found this t y p e of reading s o m e w h a t dull.

a n y t h i n g t h a t b u i l d s e x c i t e m e n t is a f o r m of f o r e p l a y . This m a y or m a y any case it is t h a t point w h e r e the possibility of building to an orgasm is m o r e likely. I I I . kissing. T h e s e m o v e m e n t s c a n b e s l o w . be it looking. resolution (recovery phase). a n d things to take feels right. continuation of t h e excitation. peri o d s of rest. . in r e a l i t y . release a n d d i s c h a r g e o f t h e b u i l d u p ( t h e orgastic r e f l e x ) . IV. which buildup of a (some p e o p l e u s e t h e t e r m p l a t e a u h e r e ) . T h e p a r t of the curve l a b e l e d foreplay i s w h e n a c t u a l t o u c h i n g . talking. y o u r m o v e m e n t s have been directed from t h e h e a d ( u n d e r c o n t r o l o f t h e e g o ) . T h u s t h e r e b e g i n s t h e b u i l d i n g a n d s t o r a g e o f e n e r g y ( e x c i t e m e n t ) . . t h e y all f l o w t o g e t h e r . excitation. T h e n a s increase of energy that starts the curve up not be the point of penetration. charge II. any sort of thing that there is an interruption. it usually doesn't interfere with the course of e x c i t a t i o n . such as positioning. e t c . g e n t l e and relaxed. T h e f o u r p a r t s a r e m a r k e d b y R o m a n n u m e r a l s on t h e diagram and are divided in the is following also the manner: 1. Phase I includes any form of excitation. . If they can be interrupted to allow for all kinds of pleasurable place. T h i s is the charge stage.The orgasm can be divided into four significant parts. although. b e g i n s . t h i n k i n g . but in excitement builds there is a sudden towards an orgasm. From the beginning.

32 . In the the occurs intense these of the the o r g a s m . a r e some typical female p a t t e r n s . for m e n t h e r e c o v e r y t i m e i s l o n g e r . From movements orgastic control the "4" point there At to "4" come is of a the back no return "2" until the cessation o f involuntary to a s the and period of heightened begins body. " t h e point of no return. a n d a k i n d o f m e l t i n g s e n s a t i o n s e t s in. start excitation into the awareness Involuntary movement persists for a w h i l e t o " 5 . exhalation. a time be a when further stimulation t o o r g a s m i s n o t possible. i n m o r e d e t a i l . A t " 2 . " a n d t h e n r e l a x a t i o n t a k e s over. musculature are the woman. i s t h e r e c o v e r y o r resolution For period. Body movement voluntary excitation increases. body is the tempo of your At sexual point. flexors sacral their W i th e a c h t h r u s t t h e pelvis i s p u l l e d f o r w a r d a n d u p w a r d . as t a k e n from Masters and J o h n s o n . b u t for w o m e n i s a p o s s i b l e w i d e r v a r i a t i o n i n r e s p o n s e . to pleasure subside referred and peak. L o w backaches have been attributed to "too much s e x a c t i v i t y . no longer this of the excitation possible. This excitation the crest starts the the first involuntary floor. becomes more m o r e c o n c e n t r a t e d i n t h e g e n i t a l s . at the same t i m e the (muscles) (low lower back) back completely relaxed. U s u a l l y a m a n m u s t wait for from 5 minutes to an hour or more before his orgasmic cycle can be repeated.N o w a t p o i n t " 1 " t h e loss o f t h i s e g o c o n t r o l b e g i n s . This there diagram closely typifies the m a l e s e x u a l r e s p o n s e . H e r e . All the of the region region abdomen is contract powerfully. control as do your course and compulsive of movements. P h a s e I V . and the forward a movement contraction of the of the pelvis a t smooth genitals and of the pelvic occur These waves In the complete there more man. from a m a t t e r of seconds to women this can period of time ranging a n h o u r o r m o r e . In essence t h e y have b e e n w o r k i n g against themselves. t h e m o r e noticeable the contractions which start contractions. are ejaculation. " w h e n i n a c t u a l i t y i t i s not t o o m u c h s e x b u t m e r e l y t o o m u c h holding o n t h a t i s t h e c a u s e . vagina. with contractions of the total musculature of c o n t r a c t i o n s o c c u r in waves. Some and p e o p l e fail t o let g o i n experience backaches during intercourse they a f t e r w a r d .

t h e n . (Building t h i s e x c i t e m e n t f r o m t h e i n s i d e i s w h a t m y e x e r c i s e s are all a b o u t . When this h a p p e n s there is usually a longer p e r i o d of resolution. m o v e m e n t s b e g i n i n t h e pelvis a n d y o u get " o u t of so control" that the (out of rational thrust be control). T h e i r r e s o l u t i o n t i m e is very rapid ( t h e y m a y e v e n fall a s l e e p o r p a s s o u t f r o m t h e r a p i d r e l e a s e o f t e n s i o n ) . after which to the head. women quickly pass t h r o u g h the e x c i t e m e n t p e r i o d a n d 3. the b o d y starts off as a " t h i n k i n g " e n t i t y . or or ego. a n d as t h e o r g a s t i c r e f l e x t a k e s o v e r . To s u m m a r i z e . A release. then orgastic If t h e e x c i t e m e n t is high e n o u g h a n d sustained. typical rise in excitement until plateau. decides will be pleasurable. I n t h i s t y p e c y c l e ( e x p e r i e n c e d all t o o f r e q u e n t l y ) t h e w o m a n arrives at the plateau phase yet is unable to achieve an orgasm. a s will d e m o n s t r a t e d in my m o v e m e n t exercises later. when one comes a point of no r e t u r n . ) 2 . the plateau or charge s t a t e is n o t d i m i n i s h e d a n d a little s t i m u l a t i o n (this can be inner excitement also) will allow a multiple experience of orgasm. leaving m o s t women quite frustrated. movements intercourse stimulation continue. Some the plateau to an orgasm. Then follows a corresponding letting-go 33 . of the Gradually is the m o v e m e n t direction more and more shifts the forward pelvis made from g r o u n d o r f e e t .1. T h e r e the m o v e m e n t flows from the pelvis up of the ego. g e t t i n g as much pleasure As the as it can from in what the head.

I t i s a s d i f f i c u l t t o t h i n k y o u r s e l f i n t o a s n e e z e a s i t i s t o think yourself into an orgasm! The fear o f falling i s a n o t h e r p r i m a r y a n x i e t y t h a t c a n be triggered as a n o r g a s m a p p r o a c h e s . pleasure.e x i s t e n c e . People who cannot reproduce movement experience t h e s e o s c i l l a t i o n s cannot the sexual e x c i t a t i o n w h i c h increases t h e height of their charge.completely people. or tension to orgasm. a s well a s i n o t h e r t h a t . r e l a t e d t h e d e g r e e o f o n e ' s p l e a s u r e t o t h e a m o u n t o f tension he was right. b e c a u s e o r g a s m i s a r e f l e x r e a c t i o n . a n u m b e r o f fears s u d d e n l y s u r f a c e . R e i c h s a w t h e striving for n o n . a flows problem with the melting quality as the of the action orgastic is reflex. t h i n k i n g t y p e s . as identical with that the orgasm is the t h e s t r i v i n g for o r g a s t i c r e l e a s e . crazy. O n e of the situations. My m o v e m e n t exercises are designed to duplicate t h e m o v e m e n t o f the orgastic reflex. The greater your charge. i f y o u let g o o f y o u r m i n d . reflex ready to take over. of death There and also orgasm arises is a occasionally association c o m m o n p h e n o m e n o n . 34 .g o w h o live in their entirely in t h e i r h e a d s . for N i r v a n a . is fears y o u m a y e x p e r i e n c e i n i n t e r c o u r s e . which orgastic gratification first He proposed the i d e a t h a t p l e a s u r e r e s u l t s f r o m t h e release o f tension. for d e a t h . W h e n y o u let y o u r e g o . For many arises w h e n . m u c h less p a y a t t e n t i o n all at once. T h i s led h i m t o believe m o s t i m p o r t a n t m a n i f e s t a t i o n o f life. can The be very frightening. And y o u r release a n d t h e greater y o u r pleasure. a n d t u r n off t h e i r s e x u a l e n e r g i e s . the more rapid discharged. Freud body away. fear of This death. S o m e the p e o p l e c a n n o t p r o d u c e even t h e v o l u n t a r y oscillations of t o b r e a t h i n g and pelvis w h e n r e q u e s t e d t o d o s o . y o u d o get a sense of the falling. r u n t h e risk o f People getting stuck t h i n k i n g p r o c e s s a s a n o r g a s m a p p r o a c h e s . y o u will " l o s e y o u r m i n d " . R e i c h c i t e d two k i n d s o f a t t i t u d e s t o w a r d d e a t h a n d d y i n g : e i t h e r a s a n i d e a o f severe injury o r destruction of the anxiety and psychophysical around organism (in t h i s c a s e a c c o m p a n i e d b y severe or full in the form of bodily and grouped melting genital is castration) similar to dissolution. o r m i n d f u n c t i o n shift. E n e r g y m u s t f l o w freely i n t h e b o d y .

t h e stud a p p r o a c h . She may experience an is o n l y a small b u i l d u p a n d discharge. a s o p p o s e d t o t h a t w h i c h i s l o c a l i z e d i n body experience the genital area a l o n e . p r e v e n t i n g a n o t h e r b u i l d u p to another disappointing discharge. o r else they will r e a c h a c l i m a x t o o s o o n . . a n d m a n y t i m e s h e r t e n s i o n r e m a i n s . he say for may a man have the what I excitation is becomes so localized commonly an orgasm partner. B o t h o f at the expense of internal growth . Some intercourse. not just become and to the accustomed spread that excitation. an erection of their longer during actual attention think grandmothers or of vegetable g a r d e n s . W h e n this e x c i t a t i o n is n o t spread t h r o u g h o u t t h e w h o l e body what in often the happens genitals is that I that. but When it is her essential orgastic that she maintain is small. must in turn order their to maintain off. them. a n d m e n a r e t a u g h t t o live f r o m w h a t p e n i s " a t t i t u d e . For orgasm. a m a n c a n last l o n g e r a n d a t t h e s a m e t i m e e n j o y all the stimulation a n d e x c i t e m e n t t h a t c o m e s w i t h his c h a r g e p h a s e . throughout charge your whole it in genital area. the sequence may be similar. Stan provides us Keleman. t h e r e f o r e he is u n f u l f i l l e d . to mean for and might are long enough enough to satisfy his his discharge not release tension buildup. " e n d of the external stimulation 35 . but a it woman. with a a high Bioenergetic level of therapist. similarities rather differences significant comparing men a n d w o m e n ' s sexual responses. it When be premature. has observed but that our culture orgastic sexual stimulation with little expression. . him. . B y d i s s i p a t i n g t h e energy t h r o u g h o u t h i s b o d y . Women are taught he describes as an these emphasize t o t e a s e . in a sequence which allows y o u r and their accompanying body.You body to feelings localize total will work through my to exercises charge. called that but is the and "premature" premature ejaculation ejaculation. A w o m a n is c a p a b l e of orgasms. her her e n e r g y for orgasm is having m u l t i p l e buildup between tension similarly s m a l l . that the in feel. men. than the but I It is possible to emphasize these differences as Masters and are frequently Johnson more do. between male and female. When this is d o n e y o u r discharge (orgasm) is a or total orgasm. .

I are — in o t h e r w o r d s . helping y o u have b e t t e r . more of your p l e a s u r a b l e o r g a s m s a n d a fuller s e x u a l e x p e r i e n c e . " T h i s i n n e r v o i c e i s o f t e n a v o i c e o f s a n i t y t h a t i s s e a r c h i n g for m o r e m e a n i n g in a relationship t h a n just genital c o u p l i n g can provide. It is easy t o o v e r e s t i m a t e t h e i m p o r t a n c e o f e x a m i n i n g t h e s e x u a l act i n D i a g r a m s will l e a d t o c o m p a r i s o n s . they're puzzled a b o u t s o m e i n n e r r e s i s t a n c e w h i c h r e f u s e s t o g o a l o n g with t h e i r " s h o u l d s . w h e r e you " s h o u l d " have an o r g a s m . P l e a s e d o n o t a d d t h i s book t o y o u r o t h e r list o f " s h o u l d s " . nor c o m p a r i n g your t e r m s o f a d i a g r a m or a c u r v e . h o w y o u " s h o u l d " a c t .heightened sparkling e x c i t e m e n t and his inner movements and that ignores pulsations. t h e d e p t h s o f t h e p e r s o n ' s feelings deeper orgastic s t a t e s originate The f r o m t h e inside o u t . a n d s o m e h o w get p u t i n t o our in my most liberal and free patients the same have found problems tell t h a t e x i s t a m o n g t h o s e w h o feel s o m e w h a t i n h i b i t e d . they themselves enjoy "should" and they " s h o u l d " be free a b o u t t h e i r bodies. s h o u l d n ' t s . i s a n o t h e r t r a p o f h o w y o u " s h o u l d " p e r f o r m i n i n t e r c o u r s e . F o r this t o e m p h a s i z e t h e development a s reason. m u s t s a n d c a n ' t s " t h a t all o f the removal of some of the us have been raised with wrong. T h e freer people that sex they with "should" everyone. many p e o p l e will h o l d back feelings s t a r t t o c o m e inner pulsations. Perhaps the m o s t difficult step in allowing y o u r s e l f to have pleasure is " s h o u l d s . sexual These ideas lives. E n j o y m e n t a n d p l e a s u r e will e l u d e y o u forever if y o u put a " s h o u l d " before t h e m . b u t when the and shut I t i s e a s y e n o u g h t o g o a l o n g w i t h t h e s e e x t e r n a l stimuli from within. and what I want to warn you a g a i n s t . own s e x u a l life w i t h y o u r own enjoyment It is a i m e d m e r e l y at helping y o u increase your sexual feelings. the exercises in are designed well a s t h e t o l e r a t i o n o f inner e x c i t a t i o n . 36 . not a book aimed at comparing y o u with partner's. What my exercises can become then. a n d this is anyone else. this b o o k off t h e s e feeling o v e r w h e l m e d a n d a f r a i d . be able to sleep with anybody. ideas of w h a t is right a n d what is t r a n s f e r r e d a n d i n f e r r e d .

you m a y decide t h a t s o m e are n o t as useful as o t h e r s : skip t h e m if y o u wish. Experience that area in relationship to the your searchlight . T h e overall s e q u e n c e up. other areas. you bring your total attention . You will of exercises your w o r k s from t h e h e a d d o w n to the feet. For Work. You and should do Try over these to exercises slowly a n d with a great deal of attention that so your that awareness when I ask is something you like a awareness. it becomes an i l l u m i n a t e d figure o n a d a r k b a c k g r o u n d . . see the chapter called How To 37 . . . t h e n back own to sense do of h o w every your long to practice each one. going imagine body. When you've d o n e t h e m all once. exercises all in trouble getting through them session. . to that area. It through on to the the important and establish some pattern you go breathing exercises movement experience tingling exercises. more details on getting started. searchlight your to be aware of something.Exercising Alone I exercises and would I have like now to introduce you to some with in of the experiments and developed These for working alone are one done your breathing. you may have energy flow. movement sequence. It develop about should is most take two that hours you exercise properly breathing before in sequence.

L e t t h e m c o m e o u t o f y o u i f t h e y want t o — t h e n l e t t h e e x p r e s s i o n g o . You can being feel sure that the exhalation i s not but just mouth and letting go. Notice what parts of floor. Your y o u r b o d y t o u c h t h e f l o o r . A s y o u d o t h i s ." or " I ' m w o r r i e d " e t c . Pay attention — n o t t o w h a t i t d o e s . T i g h t e n t h a t a r e a a s m u c h a s y o u c a n a n d e x a g g e r a t e t h e tension. t e n s e it to i t s u t m o s t . a n d t h e w e i g h : o f y o u r b o d y p u s h i n g a g a i n s t the knees should be u p . What bring Pay your attention to you the are to tension your in face. relax a s you exhale. forced your breath Then begin a to breathe softly. w h i l e y o u a r e l y i n g o n t h e f l o o r o r o n a b e d . in t o y o u r b r e a t h i n g a n d t o your: head. feet f l a t o n t h e floor. e x h a l e t h o r o u g h l y four o r f i v e times. b u t t o w h e r e i t c o m e s i n a n d w h e r e i t goes out 38 . T h e r e are an infinite number of expressions that come into your face. N o w let i t g o c o m p l e t e l y . A s y o u d o t h a t . S e e w h a t it is t h a t y o u r face is expressing.F i r s t o f all. feel t h e f l o o r (or bed) p u s h u p a g a i n s t y o u . in your the air c o m i n g in y o u r throat. e x h a l e . T e n s e a s y o u i n h a l e . Your face may say. P a y a t t e n t i o n t o a n y a r e a t h a t s e e m s t o b e tense i n y o u r b o d y . . "I am t e n s e " or " T h i s is silly. . face. Give the expression a voice as if it could talk. Now expression. the Try to feel your facial attention feeling minute musculature o f your is the expressing with your face? E x a g g e r a t e that e x p r e s s i o n .

Just experience this. legs. . u p o n increasing the v o l u m e of their c h e s t s . that the throughout t h e rest of y o u r b o d y . really hollow out their back at the same time. A s out. then into successive into both breath. with your then each feet. C h e s t first? A b d o m e n f i r s t ? . coming your pelvis. Don't aware o f w h a t y o u a r e d o i n g . i n t o y o u r h a n d s a n d into your belly. Pay n o air is attention coming in? to your chest. imagine that your breath is flowing into different parts of Let's your body. As y o u you let the breath t a k e a b r e a t h . t h e air f l o w s i n t o y o u r n o s e a n d m o u t h . Do you Do keep y o ur chest e x p a n d e d w h e n you expand your stomach on Or your Do you pelvis? stomach? feel t h e Into inhalation or exhalation? to your inhalation d o w n in the pit of y o u r genitals? Can you feel your ribs stomach' Down your expand on the sides? In t h e back? Many people. Allow the air to move into your body through your nose. thus the volume is n o t try to change a n y t h i n g in yourself yet . I m a g i n e for a m o m e n t . as y o u begin to do this breathing. it flows d o w n into y o u r pelvis.just become increased. Imagine part o f y o u r b o d y to that t o w h i c h t h e a i r i s f l o w i n g e x p a n d s a little a s t h e air m o v e s area. o n e part at a time. and into your hands. Y o u d o n ' t have to do anything at all. and slowly i s p u l l e d o u t a g a i n . t h a t i n s t e a d o f y o u r b r e a t h i n g t h e air. Imagine that the air is slowly moving into your lungs. the air is doing your breathing for you. t h e air i s breathing you. . Finally.of our body. pay a t t e n t i o n to t h e s e q u e n c e w i t h w h i c h y o u b r e a t h e . E x h a l e a n d feel t h e s t r e a m o f i t w i t h y o u r h a n d . w i t h d r a w i n g a n d c o m i n g o u t o f y o u . Imagine t h a t i t goes t h r o u g h o u t y o u r b o d y t o d i f f e r e n t p a r t s Start by up having into it go into your toes.

P l a c e o n e h a n d o n y o u r c h e s t a n d o n e h a n d o n y o u r a b d o m e n a s you b r e a t h e . push. t h e n a collapse. fully they in y o u r inspiration fill a n d expiration. first. T h e r e s h o u l d b e a rise i n t h e c h e s t a n d t h e a b d o m e n . 4U . your natural body elasticity will f o r c e t h e air o u t . people are abdominal naturally their abdomen T h a t ' s o k a y t o o . and with practice it will. o f t h e c h e s t a n d t h e a b d o m e n d o w n a g a i n . I d e a l l y t h e c h e s t begins the wave. a s long a s both Some the chest and belly participate breathers. T h e s e q u e n c e i s n o t o f g r e a t i m p o r t a n c e h o w e v e r . let then go the belly rises. at don't the crest of the wave both chest and abdomen for e x h a l a t i o n . a l e t t i n g g o . T h i s m o v e m e n t s h o u l d f l o w i n a s m o o t h w a v e s o t h a t i t goes down your entire body. Continue this breathing a w a r e n e s s u n t i l y o u feel c o m p l e t e l y r e l a x e d a n d a r e b r e a t h i n g e a s i l y .

41 . S t o p a n d rest. you n o r m a l l y c o m e . a n d t h e n d o t h e s e q u e n c e a g a i n for five r e p e t i t i o n s . Repeat this exercise four or five t i m e s . h o l d y o u r b r e a t h and make the m o v e m e n t s of breathing. f i l l i n g y o u r lungs a n d m a k i n g t h e m o v e m e n t s o f t h e c h e s t a n d a b d o m e n . T h i s e x e r c i s e frees your diaphragm a n d starts the breath the exaggerated movements f l o w m o v i n g . without e x p e l l i n g t h e a i r . i t a l s o gives y o u a feel for and how close to this exaggeration of breathing.N o w t a k e a d e e p b r e a t h a n d .

.o u t . open your mouth. let i n w h i c h y o u f i l l y o u r w h o l e b o d y w i t h air. . l i k e a huge yawn. . b u t y o u s h o u l d emit a the exercises. a s o u n d o f r e l e a s e . letting-go sound. It does not sound each time you breathe throughout 42 . As y o u take a breath in.Begin to add some sound to your breathing. K e e p y o u r m o u t h open. i m a g i n e t h e air g o i n g c o m p l e t e l y d o w n t o t h e b o t t o m o f y o u r pelvis . Continue to have t o b e a l o u d s o u n d . . The vibration in the t h r o a t relaxes and releases that area. m a k e the s o u n d . W h e n i t g e t s t o the it g o . . . ( h u h h h ) a c o m p l e t e l y l e t t i n g . l e t t i n g t h e air c o m e o u t of y o u very much bottom like a sigh .

noisy breathing and tingling to strengthen this r h y t h m . not y o u r " p r o g r e s s " through the exercises. Now you have begun to establish a diaphramatic breathing rhythm. Y o u c a n — a f t e r r e p e a t e d a t t e m p t s . sounds can be stimulating and exciting to y o u r p a r t n e r . F o r m a n y people. t h e m e r e t h o u g h t of the sexual experience w i l l cause a gasp a n d a s h u t t i n g . T h e r e i s n o r u l e t h a t e x c i t e m e n t i s silent! Begin t o a l l o w y o u r e x c i t e m e n t t o e m e r g e t h r o u g h y o u r s o u n d s . Each time you try exercise a p a r t o f y o u r b o d y t h a t i s t e n s e . P r a c t i c e m a k i n g d i f f e r e n t k i n d s o f s o u n d s . reestablish y o u r b r e a t h i n g p a t t e r n a n d try to exercise the tense area again. sounding as y o u e x h a l e . go back. up This pattern all kept through the exercises t h a t follow. a n d m a y your must body be to tingle. be y o u r guidepost. During intercourse. a s a d u l t s . besides being a m e a n s of c o m m u n i c a t i o n . T h e n e x t e x e r c i s e for f r e e i n g t h e n e c k a n d c h e s t will begin t o cause y o u r h a n d s o r o t h e r p a r t s o f of full-torso. Let your breath pattern. T h e s e will e n h a n c e y o u r r e p e t o i r e for s e x u a l cornmunication w i t h o u t w o r d s . y o u r b r e a t h i n g m a y s t o p . f r e e i n g the area. 43 . b u t n o w .b r e a k t h r o u g h t h e t e n s i o n .o f f o f s o u n d . I f i t d o e s .A s c h i l d r e n w e u s e d t o m a k e s o u n d s all t h e t i m e . w e a r e controlled and quiet. Work y o u r way t h r o u g h each exercise in this m a n n e r .

I t i s m o s t easily u n d e r s t o o d i f y o u s t u d y the h a n d positions.Freeing the neck and chest. lie . for t h e y i n d i c a t e t h e m o t i o n o f t h e s h o u l d e r s . T o b e g i n . This exercise is u s e d to free the u p p e r part o f t h e b o d y . t h e c h e s t a n d t h e n e c k .

on the floor with your knees up. place your arms out to your sides. N o w t a k e a breath i n a n d roll y o u r h a n d s a n d a r m s u p i n 45 . your hands palm d o w n .

. n o t i c e y o u r c h e s t will c o m e u p . . . y o u r b a c k will a r c h a n d y o u r h e a d will r o l l b a c k .the d i r e c t i o n o f y o u r h e a d .

n e c k a n d h e a d will follow. Next. Your five time times.N o w roll y o u r h a n d s i n t h e o p p o s i t e d i r e c t i o n a n d let y o u r b r e a t h o u t again. whole taking is a arm and shoulder. Repeat this breath each contracted on t i m e y o u r c h e s t rises a n d l e t t i n g i t o u t e a c h the forward movement. do the same your chest 47 .

and . . In o t h e r w o r d s . adding pressure to y o u r chest . y o u r head a n d n e c k . arms and shoulders. .rotation of the h a n d s . w h e r e y o u r h e a d was rolling back now it should come forward as y o u inhale. b u t this time change the motions of .

a s y o u d o i t n o t e h o w m u c h m o r e free y o u r m o v e m e n t s are. 49 . N o w . D o t h i s f i v e t i m e s . it should n o w be back as y o u exhale.where y o u r head was forward. r e t u r n t o t h e o r i g i n a l exercise. Change only t h e h e a d a n d n e c k m o t i o n .

T a k e a b r e a t h a n d raise y o u r a r m s up a n d over y o u r head in a high arch.H e r e ' s a less c o m p l i c a t e d e x e r c i s e t o free t h e c h e s t a n d n e c k . enlarging your chest cavity ( b r e a t h e in as m u c h as possible). .

p u t y o u r a r m s d o w n . T h e s e e x e r c i s e s a r e all d e s i g n e d t o loosen the chest. N o w r e v e r s e t h e p r o c e s s . raise y o u r a r m s i n a n a r c h o v e r y o u r h e a d . 51 . N o w go b a c k to t h e original w a y .A s y o u let y o u r b r e a t h g o . t a k e a b r e a t h in. P u t y o u r arms d o w n again. a s y o u let y o u r b r e a t h o u t . A s y o u t a k e a b r e a t h i n . t h i s t i m e l e t t i n g y o u r a r m s fall ( 5 t i m e s ) . Do this 5 t i m e s . p u t y o u r a r m s b a c k d o w n . a n d to get y o u to begin to b r e a t h e a little m o r e d e e p l y . D o t h i s s e q u e n c e o f r a i s i n g y o u r a r m s over y o u r h e a d a s y o u b r e a t h e i n a n d l o w e r i n g t h e m a s y o u b r e a t h e o u t five t i m e s .

this is suppose to be happening. you are beginning to learn to tolerate excitement! This feeling of tingling is present in our bodies all the time when we let go and pay attention to it. and you may find some feelings (emotions) beginning to emerge. Keep breathing.At this point you may begin to feel some tingling in your face and hands. Do not be alarmed. 52 . It merely means you are alive! What you are experiencing is an exaggeration of your natural awareness of being alive. If you arc paying attention you'll notice this same tingling present in an orgasm. Just allow these to come up. unless it is shut off by restricted breathing.

gets so tingling in your hands your hands begin too far. Let yourself experience what they are. Slow in your breathing breathing the scope of what we pace. if they are this close to the surface are not new. the way you hold your hands often can be an indication of your feelings. Try not to hold on as you exercise. This if great hands begin to will the that to continue. Let them happen. let your hands rest open. 53 . palms up in a receptive position. Your may also tingle. This is contract. Begin to pay attention to t h e m as though they were an interesting phenomenon. many people grasp at the bed and hold on to it as they approach orgasm. you've gone much beyond wish often to do.The feelings you may be experiencing. A closed fist may mean anger or that you are holding something in. Holding on to your feelings is reflected your hands. but avoid thinking about them or analyzing them. You probably have just been holding them under control by limiting your breathing.

54 . stroke outward. Begin to massage your forehead by placing your hands on your brow and stroking. Allow your brow to be relaxed and comforted. carrying your strokes clear around to behind your ear. face. stroking the brow. Pretend that you're just wiping the emotions from your brow and removing them. massaging from side to side. Let yourself go. and neck self-massage.Head. Start at the center.

the back of the has also the the most most to Therefore. The neck and muscles. you have work with the back of the neck as well as the forehead to relieve tension forehead. Feel the tension in the muscles along the ridge at the base of your skull (the occipital ridge the with ridge the where your scalp in line is attaches. almost directly ears).Put your hands behind your head and feel your neck. tension. This tension part of the tension that you hold in your forehead. or a milk bottle. One of the things you can do to relieve this tension is to take a small firm ball (a Coke bottle will do. Now let your head relax in your scalp and 55 . but a ball is more comfortable) and place it at the back of your neck. The scalp is a one-piece facial ligament that attaches both in the front at the forehead and in neck.

stop the exercise until you have your breathing and tingling pattern going again. feeling for tense areas. Be sure to continue your breathing. This exercise releases a large amount of that held tension. . then continue. begin to roll your head. . Allow yourself to completely let it go. you will feel a lump or bulge in the back of your head and maybe a feeling of soreness there. Start by placing your t h u m b s just along the 56 . The next area of awakening is the area just above the eyes along the eyebrows and in between the eyes. Tension in the neck or back of the head can be a source of headache and stiffness. If so.o n t o the ball. sometimes this tension and discomfort is enough to stop your breathing rhythm and make you tighten elsewhere in your body. You will know what area is tense .

just let it roll from side to side . . Carry the stroke around to the temples. Sometimes this is expressed as "I w a n t " or "I will". express the " n o " by shaking your head. . This area is associated with clenching your teeth and jaw. As this area is released. Go ahead. and if a thought or a feeling does come to you just allow it.ridge of the eyebrows. experience letting go and your breathing. encourage these feelings to be expressed. be aware of any holding or tension in the fan-shaped area above the ear (this is the temporalis muscle). When you come to the area around your temple. These and many more feelings may come to you as you release the massage. allow the feeling associated with this motion to come out. then watch it p a s s . keep your breathing going... or you may feel like moving your head in a " n o " motion. d o u b t s . . Massage the area with the heel of your hand. You use this area of your face area through to express such feelings as worries. merely continue your inquiry. you may become aware of aggressive or angry feelings. especially between the eyes. fretting. . one stroke with each breath. Do this at least 10 times. 57 . Massage this area with a stroking motion. that to happen.

"milking" out the puffy areas just below the eye sockets and making a continual motion around to the top of the ears and the back of the head. it also relieves the hard. cold. This motion helps to get rid of bags and lines around the eyes. staring quality that many people's eyes develop. 58 . but keep your breathing going.Now with the three middle fingers of the hand. begin to stroke just below the eyes. carrying the stroke clear around again to the temple area. Do this 10 times.

if you can.It is interesting to note that after you work with the muscles around the eye you may discover that you have new energy in your eyes. As your massage moves down your face to your cheek you may find yourself feeling like you wish to cry. If this begins to happen. things may look very much clearer. exercise your eyes. Use a "wiping-away" m o t i o n . You may have a new consciousness of what you see when you open and close your eyes. Rub with circular motions and firm pressure. 59 . look around the r o o m . You will find that a great deal of the tension that was held in your face has been relaxed. allow the tears to come until they are finished. putting this new awareness to use. Continue your massage down your face to your cheeks. j u s t allow yourself to cry. feel the muscles beneath your fingers.

The area from just below the j a w up to the ear is the masseter. let the experience happen.When massaging your of a pleasant upper lip. such as running in the country. paying particular attention to the corners of the m o u t h . and nature . 60 . or the fantasies memory of a pleasant childhood outing. . the major jaw muscle for clamping the jaw shut. Now go to the lower lip and chin. you may discover feelings of laughter. Don't forget to give this muscle firm pressure and massage it in a circular motion. Again. .

Remember to allow your breathing to continue at a full. as if you were in a stupor.The emotions and expressions that are held in this cheek area seem to be some of the most dramatic yet the easiest to release. etc. The constant "nice guy" smile which hides anger or aggression. smoothly-flowing. hold it. relaxed rate. the "hostess" smile. Now take your lower jaw in your hands. a feeling of terror or panic like not being able to escape. See if you can let your jaw become more relaxed. clicking your teeth together — about 32 times. let them happen. The point is that if you feel these things pay to them. 61 . reestablish it before beginning again. and go on from there. you can experience the feelings. if your breathing pattern is broken. the look of sadness around the eyes which holds tears and sorrow. and that you are allowing them to come u p . or its female counterpart. and open and close your mouth. may be associated attention with this area.

As you that didn't. You will be very interested to note how many of your feelings you hold or " b l o c k " in your face. but it is also one of the major means of blocking feelings and their expression. It is obvious that as you do these exercises. Sometimes helplessness.As you work with between massage. feelings of pitifulness. b u t most particularly anger. A great deal of tension is held in the jaw. hold their faces very rigid. I have devised a padded barrel (I call it the Rosenberg barrel) which is a convenient way of working with breath. you can begin to been making the sounds see the connection were doing this Come with the sounds you make and your breathing. The gesture of turning down the corners of the mouth (as a negating statement) is also associated with these negative feelings. 62 . Now make a vowel sound to go with your expression. which is what you are after. During sexual excitation many people hold their jaws very tense. There are the you should have your jaw. Releasing the tension n o w will increase your feelings in intercourse. You may feel strange. Over A Barrel. and tears are released at this point. some chronic emotions that seem to be released when working around the mouth and jaw. The face is a major means of expressing feelings. and begin the movement exercises. a quivering chin. but doing this will dissipate some stored anger. As tensions are released here it is useful to stretch your j a w out and raise your upper lip in a snarl — and growl. particularly those which involve bending backwards. (A word of caution: don't do any exercise that is uncomfortable or painful. you will find that a great many feelings and expressions associated with your "character" or " m a s k " may come to the surface. breathing. Now let's move on to the chest. which may be expressed when the area is released. close their eyes and block a great deal of the feelings of excitement that want to come out during intercourse. do if you so the next time you practice these exercises. sound and the way you hold tension in your chest.

and tie it with a rope or two.if you have back troubles. If you don't wish to go to that effort. It is merely a keg about 18 inches in diameter and 3 feet long.) The construction of the barrel is very simple. just wrap a blanket around a barrel. then covered with canvas or leatherette. you had better skip this one. padded with a piece of foam rubber. 63 .

and make Raise your arms up over your head and. as 64 .Before make sure you begin this exercise. that you have some tingling in your hands or body. that your breathing is up and your back against the yourself comfortable. Sit with barrel.

you'll find that there's one place in your back. As you roll. roll back and forth over that area to encourage releasing the area.you take a breath in. Also. or a couple of places. . ahhhhh. the sound you're making will seem to stop or be forced at those places. roll back on the barrel. When this happens. that are tense. . let a sound o u t . .

In other words. the sound is one continuous a hhhhhhh . Do this until you have freed yourself of these tense areas and your sound doesn't change as you roll.Now start up the barrel again. you could use a stool or the end of a couch. some pillows rolled u p . . . but using a barrel allows you to roll back and forth at the rate and degree to which you feel most comfortable. or any number of things. You don't have to have a barrel. 66 .

This is the major place that you'll want to put pressure. 67 . If you don't have a barrel . .Many times the tension that you feel on the barrel is right at the point below the diaphragm. you'll want to stretch your back. . and open your chest as much as possible.

This exercise often elicits a fear of falling in many people and is akin to the same feeling of loss of control that comes with orgasm or "falling in love. Pay attention to your breathing and notice where on the roll you tense up and stop yourself. you won't fall. your whole torso will be opened for deeper breathing. you can roll on back." Fear not. Work these places back and forth until they open. and keep rolling back and forth until you're able to rest your shoulders on the floor with only your pelvis supported by the barrel. When you can do this. 68 .After you've opened the diaphragm.

) It is helpful to put your feet against the wall as you bounce. Bounce your pelvis vigorously at least 25 times on each side.The Pelvic Bounce. This exercise may release stored anger. Then turn over and bounce it the other way. This will awaken your pelvis and it will begin to come alive. (if you are male and you have an erection don't do this part. raise your hips off the ground and bounce your pelvis. if this happens. You are now ready to move further down t h e b o d y and into your pelvic area. hit or beat a pillow. As you're lying on the floor with your knees u p . You may waste the whole price of the book. See page 103. 69 .

In other words. So it's breathe in pelvis back. place your hands on your pelvis and. At this point. Now begin a kind of mental gymnastics to change the origin of your breath . You have been breathing in and out through your nose and mouth. But keep your m o u t h open. .Pelvic rocking. 70 . practice just the breathing part until you've got it. If you have trouble doing this and imagining your breath is coming in and out your genitals at the same time. Hold the pelvis there until you're ready to inhale again. it should now be centered on your genital area. Allow that to happen any time it feels comfortable. and then as you let it out. . it is important that you begin to change the emphasis on your breathing. arching your back very slightly. Your first motion is to slightly cock your pelvis back as you take a breath in. and breath out — pelvis forward. Your pelvis may want to bounce. Lying on your back again. let your pelvis rotate forward. as you take a breath in. let your pelvis rotate back. imagine you're pulling the air in through your genitals and exhaling out through the same place. and keep sighing as you exhale.

Once you're sure of your pelvic movement. you'll prefer it to whatever you've been doing. with your whole torso. drop your arms to your side and continue the movement in a relaxed manner fifteen times. Your stomach shouldn't be tight. Do not force the pelvis forward very lightly. Once you get the hang of pelvic rotation. you can only thrust rigidly. Just rock your pelvic rotation is the proper way to thrust during intercourse. Your exhalation should be a letting-go. letting air out. If you do not let your pelvis rotate freely. 71 . This movement.

then stop reaching and just breathe and rock your pelvis back and forward. Once you've got it. Pay attention to how you tense yourself by moving more muscles than are necessary to do this simple rocking of the pelvis. paying attention to your . Breathe and do this pelvic rock for at least 5 minutes. be sure your breath goes out when your pelvis comes forward. Do this about 10 times. reach downward with your arms. Try to relax those extra muscles. at the same time you exhale. Practice it very slowly. This is the major movement that you want to synchronize at this time: your breath with your pelvic rotation.Now. you'll begin to see how natural the phenomenon of pelvic movement is.

.breath. these feelings more comfortable. As your pelvis 73 . or you may feel pain some other place in your body. You rnay find that now you arc getting some vibrations. and goes out through them when the pelvis tilts forward. all of a sudden your neck may get tense. Stop if you feel tension coming into your neck. some shaking and tingling on the inside of your legs. or a headache may start. Slapping your legs together or rubbing and light massage make Strange things may start happening now.. This merely means that the energy flow has moved downward. being sure that your breath is "drawn in through the genitals" when the pelvis tilts back.

start massaging your neck. Do this same thing . With a little work. and again slowly work up to your pelvic movement.massage plus starting over again — for tension anywhere else in your b o d y . your neck should release again. if so. back the tension may shift up to your neck. . with smoothly again. so as you begin to loosen up your start pelvis. it is most common to get tension reflected back up into your neck. .moves. The way you hold your head and the way that you hold your pelvis are coordinated. paying attention to it as you go along. 74 . because the neck and the pelvis work together. get your breathing started again .

One way of rapidly starting the breathing pattern and increasing your tingling is to pant with the chest only. pay attention to the amount of tension you hold in your pelvis when you d o n ' t need neck to. in your exercises to quickly resume your previous level of Pelvic which is Lift. or moving in any way. It also gets your energy. then do one long exhalation. (snake-like lift of pelvis) This is a yoga and dance exercise to emphasize the proper motion of the final pelvic orgastic reflex. while walking. which has been designed movements of the 75 .During the day. Repeat this sequence about 10 times and your breathing and tingling will be started. Do this after any interruption "charge".. dancing. Then try to see how you reflect this to your if you can catch this sequence often enough you can save yourself a lot of tension headaches.. Panting. as you go about your life. The sequence is: draw air into your chest and pant 6 times.

into your feet .aroused by your breathing. in other words. The pelvic lift is similar to the way a snake lifts off the ground. . . grounding the energy. one vertebrae at a time. Start by taking a breath in and cocking your pelvis back' then as you expel your air out (remember to imagine your air coming in and .

out through your genitals) raise your pelvis off the ground. . one vertebrae at a time until you are resting on your shoulders and feet.

Do this exercise in a very slow movement. feet grounded. is the final movement in an orgasm: that is. the pelvis moved forward. This. letting your pelvis stay cocked forward or up until the last moment. 78 . Practice this at least 8-10 times each session.Now come back down reversing the process. Be sure to come back d o w n one vertebrae at a time. h o w your energy bounces back from the ground or your feet to your pelvis. Your stomach is not tight at this point: it should be relaxed with the pelvis up and forward. throughout It is most critical especially to feel the spreading of excitement your body. breath out. Begin the sequence again by taking a breath and cocking your pelvis back only when you're ready to breathe again. as I said.

Bioenergetic Bridge. This exercise is really an exaggeration of the last exercise that you did. Sometimes by exaggerating, the feeling of the muscles can be brought to your attention far more easily. I don't recommend this exercise for everybody; it's pretty strenuous. J u s t do it if you wish to further cement your feeling of pelvic activation. Place your fists underneath your heels. Then slowly bring yourself up on your head, bridging, like wrestlers d o , from your head to your heels. As you breathe, let your pelvis rotate back in the

same easy breathing manner that you used in pelvic rocking. Breathe forward and back in this alternative position to get the feeling of moving your pelvis. What you're starting to do now is to get into the concept of "grounding," of getting your energy movement down into your feet. At the same time, you are getting your pelvic movement and your breath better coordinated.

79

Grounding against a wall. Put your feet up against a wall and do your breathing movement, rocking your pelvis back as you inhale; now exhale

rocking it forward and lifting off the floor, one vertebrae at a time until you're on your shoulders, feet on the wall.

80

Hold here until you feel like coming down. You can begin to get the feeling of using the extensor muscles on the front of your thighs to pull the pelvis up and

forward, and of grounding your energy into the floor (the wall, in this case) or into your feet. Do this 5-10 times slowly. Remember to breathe in and o u t of your genital area.

81

On all fours. This exercise is similar to the last exercise, but turned over. Your feet are against the wall; rock your pelvis back (inhaling) and then

come

forward with your pelvis (exhaling), pushing with your hands on the

floor and pushing against the wall with your heels. Then come back slowly to

All these exercises are ways of getting your energy down into y o u r feet. and of pushing up with your pelvis.your starting position. As you do t h e m . you may begin to feel tight and tense again. Do this one 5-7 times. 83 .

As you begin to pay attention to where you're holding on. buttocks up and knees apart. so start again.If tension occurs. Allow yourself to just breathe in this position for awhile and relax 84 . The Belly Rest. you must go back and find where you're holding on You may have stopped breathing. An excellent exercise to relieve tension in the inguinal area is to turn over and lie with your head on the floor. you'll find that many times the inguinal area (the area just above the pubic area) and the belly are very tight.

Another place tension appears frequently is in the inner thighs. 85 . from the stress of holding your legs together. for if her uterus is slightly tilted (prolapsed). The position also relaxes tensions in the belly. This is particularly comfortable to a woman.a bit giving that area a chance to let go. rocking your pelvis back. it will right itself in this position. Take a breath.

of letting air come in as you inhale and then imagining letting someone "penetrate" (particularly. breathing slowly and easily. Relax your stomach muscles as you do this exercise. but not only. for women). Repeat about 10-15 times. 86 . open your legs and exhaling through imagine you're the genital area. Particularly important here is the idea of being receptive.and then as you let your breath out.

Do this six or seven times. Here is an exercise that is useful to help you in letting go of your legs and stomach muscles. so that your legs come up over your body.Allow your legs to fall apart and open. Put your hands on your belly to make sure that you're not using the stomach muscles to draw your legs up. drag your heels. 87 . draw your legs up very slowly. Now.Knee Circles. Pay attention to your breathing. and then back down on t h e ground.

The "Little Bird". You sit with xx . The "little bird" is a Yoga exercise that can be very useful for opening the muscles on the insides of the legs. the inner muscles of our legs that we use to keep our legs together. for allowing that opening to take place. Many of us have spent years building our " m o r a l i t y " muscles. This is an alternative exercise.

drawing them as close to your body as possible. Do this about 15 times. This stretches the " m o r a l i t y " muscles in between the legs.the soles of your feet together. and also stretches the neck and back. 89 . hold your feet with both hands. Then lean over. Now raise and lower your legs in a flying-type movement. and try to put your head o n t o your feet. very much as a bird would fly. Repeat this sequence at least 3 times. exhaling.

Do this several times whenever you think of it. practice you will learn to contract it without contracting the stomach Now bear d o w n like you're trying to push something out of your vagina. then let go. lie down and start your breathing pattern. or trying to urinate in a hurry. This exercise is a Japanese massage technique for those men whose testes and penises are held up tight most of the time. on a bus — nobody will ever know. relax the muscle. You and your sexual partner will both reap the benefits! The Japanese Testi-Pull. muscles when you contract the pubococcygcus muscle. and as you exhale. a flaccid. This is an exercise you can practice any time or place you choose: standing in line for a movie. to return tone and flexibility to this area. This is an exercise many women have found for increasing feeling in the genital area. the more pleasure it can give you as it is stretched by penetration. Continue to breathe regularly. Now contract your muscle while inhaling. Just contract and relax the muscle. such as occurs in sexual penetration. It is a means of bringing relaxation and awareness to the scrotum and testes and it helps loosen genital tension. Then try contracting the muscle at other times. It can be done in any position and any time tension is present.The useful Vaginal Squeeze. Obviously the more firm and better-toned this muscle is. flabby pubococcygeus won't afford you much feeling at all. which are stimulated by pressure from inside the vagina. Take one teste in each hand and gently pull down on them one time for each year of your life (if you are 3 5 . You may notice that you contract your stomach with muscles. By inserting a finger in your vagina. try stopping your urine flow. it is frequently prescribed for The Pubococcygeus muscle is a broad band of muscle that surrounds the women who have just had babies. pull each teste 35 times). you should be able to feel the contractions. Do these exercises 10 times each. 90 . working up to 25 times each in two or three weeks. This exercise is not recommended for those men whose testes hang quite freely. hold for a count of three. pulling the muscle in with the intake of your breath. vagina. To do the exercise. then contract it and hold it for the count of three. Pull down. To locate this muscle. It is rich in sensitive nerve endings. you use this muscle to do that.

Sometimes this is difficult for people who arc not used to doing these kinds of exercises. You may want to grab hold of something to maintain the flow this position.Squatting. Put your arms in between your legs to add pressure to the inside of the legs. if you'll place a book under your heels it will make the exercise much easier. Squatting helps to place the organs of the body in a good position and to open up and relax the genital area. Then reach out in front of you with your arms. This exercise throughout the of energy help you stimulates 91 .

Stay in this position for at the most important thing.b o d y . Remember that the breathing is you are doing this and every exercise. You should have a steady pattern of breathing g o ing while least three minutes. and it also gets you in touch with the grounding of your heels so that you can feel your feet and your energy flow at the same time. All of this is done on while you are still breathing rhythmically. 92 .

Feel the ground under your feet.Bioenergetic Bends. As the energy gets going. put your fists on the small of your back. you'll find that your legs begin to vibrate and shake in a very short time. Continue breathing deeply. put your head backward. and lean back as far as you can. which will help to pull your chest back. 93 . Here is a basic bioenergetic exercise which helps get energy streaming throughout the body. Stand and turn your toes slightly inward.

holding for at least one minute exercise. Here is the incorrect position: the person's weight is too far back on his heels. This most of the others. You can do this exercise about three times backward and forward.Now lean over with your arms dangling to the ground. in like each position. 94 . leaning more forward in the proper manner will allow the energy to flow better.

if in this exercise you should feel anger while in the back position. exaggerate the expression of anger by sticking your chin out the feelingStepping out. so it is important that you allow and even encourage this release. off up against a wall. if you push hard 95 . as you let your genitals. and in do the Pelvic Lift in this position. you Stand take out. For example. remember) by breath come your push forward with your pubic area.tends to encourage the release of feelings. your back will the automatically. Cock your pelvis back a breath (through wall and. snarl like a dog who is mad. This will facilitate getting in touch with the feeling of moving energy to your feet by activating the extensor muscles of the as legs. vertebrae vertebrae up from the tailbone. This is a useful exercise for or growling.

96 . Step o u t five times with each foot. and you get the feeling of forward motion. or between projects at work to keep the feeling of moving o u t and down in mind. This exercise can be practiced any time while waiting for a bus. When you take a step forward those muscles activate the pelvis.enough. you will find that the extensor muscles of your legs have to come forward to catch your forward movement.

flowing manner as you take a pelvic during the orgastic reflex. movements. 97 . and yet have a very satisfactory loving relationship with another person. backward and forward. lost track of the sequence your the of breathing. then let it go. For example. a few can be done anywhere. this one will help get your energy started for the day. Even if you have time for no other exercising. Each time that you go from one exercise to another. The exercises stimulate the autonomic nervous system and will help increase the level of excitement for anyone.. upward exhalation has to take place in an easy. As you let the breath out. you are ready to begin work with a partner. of your or that you are no longer breathing correctly with Your pelvis forward. People who are physically handicapped in some way. The most important thing in the exercises is to keep movement breath. Although most of these exercises have to be done in private. any time you wish. even though they may be partially paralyzed. you may find that you have stopped your breathing. At this point. quiet.. . can increase their physical excitement by doing these exercises. Merely take a breath in "through your genitals" and rock back. move your pelvis forward and imagine that your motion is helping to propel the car along the road! Try the Squatting exercise first thing in the morning. warm conditions I discussed earlier. . when you can work through these exercises and not alter your breathing. I have even found that pelvic rocking can be used on a trip in the car to keep my energy flowing. every time you walk or move begin to see how you hold o n t o your breath and your m o v e m e n t s . in the ideal.These exercises have been designed to promote harmony between your pelvic movement and your breathing. notice where you carry your tension.

They are excellent to continue even after you have begun working with a partner. after the major purposes of working together have been accomplished.These exercises have been developed to arouse your total body energy in general as well as your sexual energy specifically. the exercises can be continued as a way of keeping your energy tuned u p . in between sessions with your partner. Make them part of your general health exercise program. T h e n . .

for it is in the feeling realm t h a t y o u shut off your excitement and your pleasure. that the necessary in working with a partner to establish the responsibility for sexual excitement remains with each As soon as you begin to try to teach somebody else to tolerate excitement.Preliminaries for Working with a Partner As you move into the exercises for working with a partner. but you cannot make anybody else enjoy something. 99 . you are automatically defeated. It is absolutely understanding participant. You cannot get somebody else to enjoy anything. to increase it through making contact and sensing another's presence. your major task is to bring the energy you've achieved through working alone into the new relationship. . When you work with another person. . in fact. t h e major thing to be conscious of is your feeling a b o u t t h e relationship. or as soon as the motivation and the energy for these exercises comes from outside yourself rather than within. The exercises in Exercising Alone are ample for getting you in touch with your excitement and teaching you how to breathe and move so you can experience the smooth flow of your body in orgasm. You can do some things to facilitate it. Now the task is to keep that excitement in the presence of another person .

you may become sexually aroused during the exercises.' All of a sudden. "Francis. I recommend that when you work with a partner you do not go to orgasm. Enjoy your excitement and let it add charge to your exercises. It is important partner in advance and to establish your feelings about your sexual excitement with your partner beforehand. if you get charged up and go on to an orgasm before you are able to tolerate the charge for any length of time. There is no rule that says if you are sexually aroused you have to to discuss this possibility frankly with your satisfy that urge immediately. what of those poor suffering people?" And a deep voice came from the heavens. wretched. at one with the universe. it is important that both of you put off immediate gratification for the sake of possible long-range gratification. Keep moving and breathing. and he said to God in a very worried voice. 1 am reminded of the Kazantzakis story of St. not realizing that they often invade the o t h e r ' s space and rob him of his own right to develop his own potential. perhaps even have an erection. your working together is doomed. " B u t G o d ." if you take the responsibility for your partner's excitement rather than leaving it to him. in total bliss and j o y . When you work with a partner. then you are going to decrease your possibility of working with the exercises successfully. Francis who was standing on a hill. Later on we will talk about the use of the exercises 100 . those others are mine.I like to re-emphasize this point to those who feel it their duty to help their partner. This will give you an opportunity to practice spreading your excitement throughout your b o d y instead of focusing it on your genitals. Remember. Although it doesn't happen routinely. If you are not willing to do the work. these are exercises to increase your tolerance to excitement. in 'Satori. Take care of yourself. For this reason. he began to think of all the poor. suffering people who were not at his level of Bliss.

we get feelings of embarrassment. find it impossible to reach a climax. etc. you may find a new kind of pleasure. when with someone else. Many of us can tolerate the sexual experiences or pleasurable feelings t h a t come with sex alone. but the muscular patterns that defend your body were not developed overnight. a kind of sharing in this situation that neither of you may have been able to achieve before. This coincidence of feeling. we no longer can tolerate these feelings. Some women can achieve orgasm easily by masturbation. and yet. as well as each to the other person. . This may sound a bit difficult and discouraging. If you can work together this way. in an orgasm. Men more often find they reach a climax t o o soon. or coming together. and your communications to each other. or with fantasy. . It is extremely important w h e n working with a partner that you maintain contact and communication with t h a t person so that you can experience the feelings in your own body and allow them to occur. and you upon him. but when we get in the presence of a n o t h e r person. guilt. The same areas of tightness have to be experienced again and again before you will begin to let them go. Both pay attention to themselves. It is really better to work alone than to work with an uncooperative or impatient partner. is part of the goal you will work toward. In order to work together you will have to open yourselves. and also be aware of the presence and effect of the other person upon you . and it will take time to pattern new responses. These exercises for working together are to be done very slowly. Instead. 101 . That is t h e proper time to think about releasing your charge.for increasing the excitement of foreplay and of the orgastic cycle. your partners have to relationship. This work cannot be hurried or rushed through in any way. and both partners have to be willing to commit themselves to t h e project.

the only part that melts is the part above the surface. If we didn't. Another type that may arise in this work is anger 102 . Think of the b o d y as an iceberg. We all have a number of things to cry about. It's your partner's j o b to let you know you can go through this. the allowing of feelings. you can't possibly allow your pleasurable feelings to increase. if a baby cries. we wouldn't be h u m a n . in particular. another part comes u p . something has to be done about it. are not used to feeling like they are going to cry. is a continuous part of the growing process. you won't keep crying forever. Crying or feelings of loneliness or wanting to be held are one type of emotion that may come up. Let these feelings out. or that you have to d o . You may have added discomfort if you are not used to exposing your feelings in the presence of another. We respond by picking him up to comfort him or to get him to quiet down. Crying is a normal occurrence in this kind of work. you can feel like crying more easily w h e n you increase your overall feeling content. these exercises will put you in close touch with your emotions. you might " e x p l o d e " into feeling. to reassure y o u . a huge iceberg that has had many years to build up its coldness. there is nothing that you can do about it. Most of t h e iceberg's bulk is below the water. This is true whether you are working alone or with a partner. All of a sudden. so when the sun comes out and it begins to melt. you are to just merely be with your partner and allow him or her to have feelings. until you can get in touch with all your feelings. and allow. he's usually trying to elicit some kind of influence on his environment to get something to happen. as you start breathing.As I have said before. Until you can "melt" some. Just be there. its insensitivity. the crying. Some people believe that because someone is crying or is into his feelings deeply. stay in contact. and its hard outer shell. In this work. And so the melting process. As that part melts through. Many m e n .

The feelings must be let out. or bite or chew or strangle the pillow. Just allow them to happen. but not taken out on your partner. These feelings may surprise 103 .and resentment. If you get in touch with some anger. kick or hit a pillow.

you

by

their

intensity.

You

may

feel like you're going to kill yourself or

somebody else; you have "catastrophic expectations" which, when followed to their ultimate conclusions, will reveal themselves as unfounded fantasy. You can comfort yourself by knowing that you can turn these feelings off. You know how to do that; you've been doing it for a lifetime. If you are in a space where your feelings seem overwhelming, where you can't go on, you can always seek counsel, and I recommend very strongly you do seek or professional psychiatrist help if you even suspect Let you need it. Call a psychologist your feelings again. When and talk to him. someone else share your

feelings; this may be the most important thing in your life. If you shut off now and go back into your iceberg, you may never get to them someone begins to realize how turned off he is and seeks

professional help, it's usually a major step in his life.

if your feeling space doesn't seem " m o r e than you can handle," just return to it again later; it will be different then. Come back to it just as you do with your breathing . . . a little at a time. In this way, you will be able to work through the feeling; soon it will no longer bother you.

104

I've talked mostly about the emotions that go with this work. Other feelings that will arise, whether working alone or with your partner, are bodily feelings. As you breathe, you tingle and vibrate. Your body begins to twitch. Sometimes the energy gets so strong you feel that you just can't contain yourself. If so, stand up and j u m p around, turn some music on and dance . . . let the energy o u t , let it go.

if baby, and

the just

vibrations lie

become

so

strong slowly

that . . .

you your

feel

that

they're tingling,

overwhelming, put yourself on your side in a fetal position, curled up like a there, breathing breathing,

105

everything, will calm down in a couple of minutes. You have a safety valve; you can always shut the energy off. If your partner gets into this space, many times by just having him curl up in the fetal position and holding him, you can be of help. Put your arms around him very much like you hold a baby, not around his head, but around his b o d y .

What if these exercises d o n ' t work? You might say, "I've done all of the breathing, and I do my pelvic movements, then I j u m p in bed, and as soon as I look at my girlfriend I go off." Or, "I work as hard as I can and I still can't have an orgasm. I've tried all your suggestions; y o u ' r e full of baloney." It may be that you've fallen into a "performance trap" in your sexual relationship, and you automatically act a certain way. T h e more you can stay

106

in touch with yourself during intercourse, the easier you can realize whether this is what's happening to y o u . Such a problem is, in my opinion, beyond the scope of any book. If the exercises still seem to have no effect on you after several weeks of work this could be a sign that some form of counseling would be useful. These exercises were not designed for people who have a serious problem with sex. There are sex clinics in most urban centers now which are set up to help with just such difficulties.

In A"

describing B,"

this

set of exercises, I often

need to distinguish none of which are

one clear

partner from the other, and have run into language difficulties. I tried "Partner and "Partner " D o e r " and " H e l p e r , " etc. enough. Nothing seemed adequately descriptive without being bulky. I settled on "active" and "passive" as a compromise, with the reservation that when I use the word "passive" I am implying a passive (that is open, receptive) participation. Begin with your partner by deciding upon a series of times to meet; allow at least one to two hours for each session, perhaps three times a week. My advice is that each of you take a full session or week of sessions in each role as "active" or "passive," then switch roles for the next session or week of sessions. Don't try to trade roles after each exercise or you will lose your energy charge and your r h y t h m .

You may not be able to work through the entire sequence for several sessions. If you do them all the first session, you are working t o o fast and need to spend more time on each exercise, if you can, imagine yourself moving in slow motion - that's the way this work should be done.

107

. As you do these exercises..The sequence up to lifting and rocking the pelvis may be accomplished perhaps in each because the first two hours. skip them and go directly to your breathing and movement. that where you left off the body unenergized part of your "getting acquainted" exercises need only be done for the first session or so after that. The grounding should take another hour.. . and therefore will have to extend your total exercise time. Take your time. to get your breath energy up. you may sometimes find that you will want to take more time with the breathing sequence. Perhaps there will be some things that you wish to leave out . Start each session at the beginning exercise time. from don't go on would leave from rocking the pelvis up to and including previous session that time. relax into the exercises and enjoy! 108 . One possible way of working so that you won't have to stop and refer back to the book all the time is to record an outline of the exercise sequence on a tape recorder. or to add from the chapter on Working Alone. Some of the breathing exercises you did when working alone can easily be used for this purpose.

Working with a Partner
When exercising with a partner, it is not necessary to work in the nude. In fact nudity sometimes gets in the way. if it turns out that this is the case, that your nudity creates unreal expectations, then put some clothes on. The most important thing is to get used to being with another person. Being with another means accepting where he or she is . . . not expecting anything, demanding anything, feeling any demand on yourself or putting any expectations on yourself. When this is possible, when you can really look at the other person with acceptance, without making a demand, then it is possible to begin to work together, if you can't do this, then you should discuss what it is that keeps you from doing it. Name what it is you want from the other person; make your demands explicit. Consider this an important part of the exercise and try to get to a place free of demands before you begin. Sensing another. After you have established your relationship verbally, the first thing to do is to lie down together, each with a hand on the other's belly close to the solar plexis, and feel the other person's rhythm. You may notice quite a bit of nervousness now and that your partner's belly might be quivering slightly. In this position, you can feel his heart and how it beats. You can feel his excitement. Lie this way for at least five minutes by the clock ... until your r h y t h m s have begun to flow together. At this point you'll

109

notice

that

your

breaths seem

to come somewhat at the same time. Don't

make any effort to have this happen. Just lie still and pay attention to the other person's breath r h y t h m . Eye-alogue. This

is a silent, no-sound-at-all exercise. Sit up, as in the illustration, join hands and look at each other. As you join hands, do so in

110

such a way that you hold each other equally. You are not holding your partner's hands any more than she is holding yours. Sit in this position for a

bit and begin to look in each other's eyes to establish the feeling of presence. By "presence" I mean are you here? Is your partner here? It is possible to be present in the b o d y , physically in the room, b u t not present with your whole being.

Sometimes just being present with another person is enough to cause you to become nervous, turn off, go away, close up, or alter or stop your breathing. Look at the other person; see if she's present, and acknowledge her. Continue this eye-alogue for a time; continue to make contact. (An eye-alogue 's similar to a dialogue; the difference is that you use your eyes only.) Remember, don't talk during this exercise . . . just look.

Now

each

of you close your eyes and Try to

put

your attention into y o u r

body, inside yourself.

find your center, a place of calmness inside

111

yourself. Experience what it is like to be with yourself. Stay " t h e r e " for at least a minute. Now come back to the present. Open your eyes and be aware of your partner again. What is it like to be " h e r e ? " How do you feel here?" Compare this " h e r e " with your " t h e r e , " your inner self. Go inside again. Experience your "inside" more fully . . . come back again . . . open your eyes now, and again make contact with your partner. Each of you can continue to shuttle back and forth between the " h e r e " and the " t h e r e , " comparing your inner experience with your outer. This several contact By and withdrawal shuttling from can a be very useful to you, in into your physical

ways.

withdrawing

briefly

situation

experience or your inner self, you can usually get some rest and support; then you can come back to the present with more energy . . . you can cope better. Many times you'll discover " t h e r e " inside what is missing " h e r e . " I'll talk a bit more about contact and withdrawal in the chapter on Losing Your Mind.

Now, come and be present in the " h e r e " with your partner, and bring your attention to your hands and to those of your partner. Silent have a "hand-voice" conversation Find to speak with out your hands. about Imagine your then that allow your hands can speak or by letting your imagined hands to your partner's

voice.

partner

partner,

"answer." Each partner imagines a conversation between the hands, but neither speaks out loud. A conversation could go like this: " I ' m holding you tightly because I feel nervous and I feel your calmness reassuring m e . " Your partner's hands might answer: "Please don't be afraid; I will not hurt y o u , " or "I too am tense and am holding on to y o u . " Continue this imagined dialogue as long as your hands can express what you feel; then talk about these exercises with your partner. Tell him what has been happening in you and how you are feeling right now. Talk about your feelings during the "eye-alogue" too and h o w they changed or didn't change when you went "inside" . . . talk about what your hand " s a i d " and what his hand " a n s w e r e d " during your silent conversation with hands.

112

I — Thou. refer to their partner's head as " i t ." still holding o n t o his head.it. " Look at your partner and say aloud: "I . Now put your hands on both sides of your partner's head while he puts his hands on either side of your head. So if you described what you held between your hands as an " i t . Describe to each other what's between your hands. And that's how they treat someone else. This will give you a feeling for what it's like to treat a person as an object. as "I . Do this before reading further. . 113 .i t . when they describe what's between their hands. " that's how you held the person . . " an object. Many people.

If you treat another as an object. .Now. there is no " t h i n g . and we share that relationship with the infinite being. Now try "1 — t h o u . " for " t h o u " has no bounds. This experience .of both of us together in the "I Thou relationship — I want to encourage! This is a good exercise for opening up to your friend or mate. that when " t h o u " is spoken there is no thing for an object. The " t h o u " implies that a little of you is in me. A relational process is taking place which both of you are sharing. It's a " t h o u " that experiences both of us together. " But when " t h o u " is spoken.Thou relationship there is a sense of caring for another as you care for yourself. " Say "I .y o u " to your partner a couple of times. The speaker has taken a stand in relation to another. " 114 . talk to your partner of your feelings about this exercise. "I — y o u " involves a separateness. This will establish what it's like to treat a person not as an object. I . "I — y o u " is still not relational. about knowing him as " T h o u . Again. you treat yourself also in that manner. When there is a thing there exists another thing. and a little of me is in you. "I — y o u . " Martin Buber said in his book. but in the I . An " i t " can only exist through being bounded by another " i t . both things are bound by each other. try another statement . . but as another person. a " y o u " out there.Thou. " no " i t .

Sensing another's energy. Sit opposite your hands. your partner on the floor. Now rub your hands together rapidly for a minute to generate heat and energy in 115 .

You will feel the other person's presence or "vibrations. Close your eyes n o w and with your hands 116 . about a quarter-of-an-inch to an inch apart." even though you don't touch her hands.Put your hands up next to each other.

b u t be aware of where t h e o t h e r person is. Keep your eyes closed during this " d a n c e " and you'll find o u t who's 117 . " don't touch. feel t h e other person's presence with your hands. Extend this to a movement or " d a n c e .still almost-together.

talking will only distract you. then flow to the other. It's amazing how much you can sense with your eyes closed. move to a standing position. Take turns. 118 . Start on your knees. You are getting in touch with your partner's sensitivity to you and with your sensitivity to her.leading. Allow this movement to happen. Keep silent during the exercise. let the lead come from one of you. Allow your movements to be slow and gentle.

The "active" partner 119 . you'll switch places later so both of you will experience both roles. Saying "Hello" without words. who does them. in the breathing position. the follower or the leader. Share how it felt to be active or passive. one partner will be "active" and the other "passive. talk about what you discovered about yourself and about her. For the rest of these exercises.Now share your experiences verbally with your partner.) Choose which of you wishes to be "passive" first." (Remember both partners are actually active participants in this process. All 'the exercises in this chapter are directed to the "active" participant to read to the "passive" partner. The "passive" partner begins by lying on her back with her knees up.

but at a distance. The most important thing you can do for yourself is be with another " t h o u .kneels behind. Keep your hands next to your partner's ears for a minute or so. " with that part of the other person that shares with you this time and space dimension called " n o w . somewhat in the way the sensitivity " d a n c e " is done . 120 . not touching. and begins by merely putting his hands next to his partner's ears. allowing her to feel the presence of his hands. . " Your caring for your partner helps you get into t h a t place. .

" Slowly. as you match your partner's breath you'll find that you can feel in your own b o d y where she is holding on. in the way you touch your partner and while you are with your partner. 121 . where you feel tight as you're breathing. . her breath as a "wave. If you review the Movement you'll understand what you should be seeing now . (If you can continually keep in mind t h e word holding and experience the care that this word implies. Notice any tension in your own body. partner's chest and belly move. begin to breathe with her. The receptive or passive partner just breathes normally.Now hold your partner's head. Watch y o u r chapter on Breathing and rhythm to your o w n . while you begin to make your breath move with her breath. you will certainly promote the proper atmosphere for doing these exercises. .) As you hold.

Now you are going to help your partner develop a smooth breathing pattern. and the lower chest. in the clavicle area. are constricted in many people. put your hand over any tight area you see on your partner's b o d y . so just rest your fingers on these areas 122 .Developing a breathing pattern. at the solar plexus. Your partner will feel the energy from your hand. The upper chest. Without touching your partner. Many times this energy will enable her to relax her body.

as your partner exhales. then the other.and. to encourage her to let the air out completely and use this increased torso space for better breathing. . add a little pressure first on one area.

Now as your partner takes a breath. push down on the chest with the palm of your hand. increasing your pressure as the air is expressed out and decreasing it as movement. she inhales. Regulate your pressure to follow her breathing Work in this way until her breathing Stay sensitive to her rhythm. about 5 minutes should do. seems deeper. 124 . more regular.

The "passive" partner. then both down. if your partner breathes belly first and chest second. some people are "belly" breathers and will go belly first. as her chest and belly go down together. to touch your hands. However. The important thing is that both parts. Do not touch her at first. participate in a complete breath. You'll find that as you do this your partner may begin to " h o l d " 125 . What you're trying to do now is make your partner aware that she should be breathing with her chest first and then with her belly.Now put one hand over your partner's belly and one hand over her chest and again bring your awareness to the belly-chest area. brings her chest up first and then her belly up. as she inhales. with both of them going down together on the exhalation. go along with that sequence. Now. chest and belly. push down and help expel the air out. As 1 explained in your first exercises.

126 .in t h e chest by tightening some chest muscles. if you take both hands and put t h e m just above the chest (just below the clavicle) and add pressure just at the final tip of the exhalation. it will force the upper chest to participate in the breathing.

" As you work on tight areas in his chest.The pectoralis muscles of the chest sometimes become quite tense. so if you can massage the muscles of the chest just above the breast area. in the upper chest where the musculature is. and his b o d y should be more relaxed. this will help your partner a great deal to "let g o . 127 . your partner should be breathing deeper.

if you're working with a man. putting your b o d y pressure o n t o his chest to help force that breath 128 . Don't worry. take your pressure off the chest. as he out. you're not going to break any ribs. but you are going to assist him to begin to use his chest better in his breathing pattern. and then lean forward. takes a breath in. remember these are very heavy muscles and if you're smaller than he is. So. you might have to add quite a bit of pressure to be effective.

in the muscles running up the back and along the side of the head.Your partner now may begin to feel a tingling in the face and some tingling in the hands. Pressure and massage in these areas greatly reduces the amount 129 . Many times tension is held in the neck. as in the exercises when working alone.

Use your hands. where a great deal of tension is held. to massage the back of the neck. 130 .of tension. not just your fingers. lifting up with your strokes. Come up the back of the neck to the back of the head and the muscle at the attachment of the scalp.

and work through each exercise back up to this tolerance for being touched has increased. 131 . go again to the neck and continue to loosen it up.By the time you get here. start the breathing pattern again by placing your the breathing pattern has been re-established. one Once If so. using light pressure and circular motions to massage the area. go back. you may find that your partner has stopped breathing. and your partner's hand on your partner's chest.

Begin by putting your thumbs together in the middle of the forehead. Stroke the brow. 132 .Now we move the massage to the face. bringing your thumbs alongside the brow and down across the eyebrows. the rest of your hands resting on the temples.

133 .Do this a number of times.

134 . is used when you bite d o w n . and a great deal of holding takes place in this area. use the heel of your hand to massage along the temple and the side of the head area. This muscle.When you get to the sides of the head. the temporalis.

135 . Go below the eyes and start at the sides of the nose . Now bring your thumbs across the upper lip. . .Always carry the strokes on around to the sides of the head. again the stroke is carried around the sides of the face. and massage along the sides of the jaw. beginning at the center.

Massage the muscle in the jaw in little circular motions. going around the chin to the muscles of the jawbone." and a great many feelings 136 . This facial massage helps to break down the "mask of holding. Then do the lower jaw t h e same way.

paying attention to the upper chest in particular. If your partner feels like crying. encourage that emotion by holding his face with both hands. so go back to beginning breath work again.come up. including feelings of relaxation and comfort. 137 . As these feelings come up your again your partner's breathing will tend to catch and stop.

a light pressure is that you are using in she's almost a tickling feeling as opposed to being relaxing. For some. and her feelings regarding the amount of your massage.It where pressure is important at this point that the "passive" partner communicate feeling her tension. 138 . or less. And t o o firm a touch on the face may be uncomfortable. So it's important at this time that the "passive" or receptive person point out where it is that she wants more.

The Knee Drop sensations are important. . Have her shake her legs if she feels like it. Begin by standing back to back and interlocking your arms. are there any vibrations or if there is. the better her energy exercise is also good to use here. get in a position so that your partner's b u t t o c k s are on a level with your lower back. not with your back. and the more area of the body they cover. it means that the muscles are letting go. partner's weight with your legs . breathing? twitching? What What area does she feel is still tense in her chest. supporting your but with your legs. if you are the "active" partner.pressure. Differences in size really don't cause a great deal of 139 . T h e tingling flow. . Now lean over with slightly bent knees and lift. Back to back bend. This is an exercise for developing trust as well as a good way of opening the chest and body so that it is moving and breathing more freely. and in her parts of her body are tingling.

) As your partner takes a breath. for the lifter. Do this at least ten times. bring his arms down. (The weights of our models were about 200 lbs. and 115 lbs. and you'll 140 . on t o p . With his exhalation. the arms should be raised.problem as long as the "passive" partner's weight is placed over the "active" partner's legs.

Encourage him to just 141 . his head resting on yours. His legs should be dangling or hanging.Begin to see how much it stimulates your partner's chest. and completely let go.

When you've gotten this far with the exercises. It is not absolutely necessary to do this one. you are ready to begin the pelvic movements. but it is a marvelous exercise to do for building up trust as well as opening up the "passive" partner's b o d y . Her breathing should be "going. knees u p . if your height or weight differences are too great have your partner do Over the Barrel instead.I strongly recommend that anyone who has any kind of back problems at all not try this exercise. Go around and place your knees so that they 142 . The "passive" partner should be lying again on her back." tingling should be well started. and your breathing is good.

It is extremely important to make this contact .support or fit in under your partner's buttocks. Now say " h e l l o " by 143 .your knee cap against her buttocks.

holding her hands or her feet, or b o t h . Rest here and allow both your breathing patterns to settle at this point. Make eye contact and pay attention to your

own feelings now. Check your partner's breathing; you may find that you'll have to go back and help your partner start her breathing sequence again.

Now

it

is

time

for the

"passive"

participant to mentally

shift

the

"origin" of her breath down to her genital area, as she did in the exercises for working alone. From here on, she must imagine her breath is drawn in and expelled out through her genitals as she moves. Starting the breathing again. Place your hand on your partner's chest

this time you're in a different position . . . just place your arm between his legs ... and get his breathing started again. If at this point your partner has

145

any

difficulty

getting

his breathing under control

because

of the

new and

possibly strange positioning, it is best to just sit and comfortably wait again one or two minutes. Remember, there is no hurry. Usually the breathing will

just start again. If your partner has difficulty sometimes it's useful to just bring your hand up to the chest and have your partner pant with her chest. This is

146

one of the best ways to rapidly increase energy flow. The sequence is the same as in working alone; pant six short pants, then one long exhalation. See page 75 if you don't remember how.

147

Keep in mind that no one can bring energy in tc the body from the outside. . . putting your thumb: on the crest of the iliac and the forefingers around the sides. movement has to originate from within. As your partner. All you dc here is just rest your hands on your partner's pelvis . 148 .When the breathing pattern has again been established and is smoothly moving. begin pelvic rocking.

149 . emphasize the rotation of her pelvis by placing your hands under her buttocks and lifting up with her exhalation. then back down with the breath in.breathes.

back and forth. bringing the pelvis up more. y o u r partner can begin to emphasize and accentuate this movement. hers probably is t o o . .This movement is slow and very.moving back with the breath in and forward as the breath goes out. As this is done. It is a matter of relaxing. Both of you should stop and concentrate on getting her breath going again. the passive partner making a sound as she exhales . If you feel as though your breath is tightening. areas in her body 150 . very smooth. . doing the movement and breathing. You'll find that as she does this her breathing pattern may change again. After a while. allowing the breath to open so that the pelvis moves each time a breath is taken . Concentrate on it for at least five minutes. Both of you should be breathing in unison at this time.

Go back to any tense area and work there.might begin to become more tense. adding 151 . It is your partner's responsibility to let you know where these areas are.

perhaps to the face. can begin to loosen them. Sometimes nothing needs to be done. These exercises must proceed slowly. . abdomen or the back of the neck. Emphasis to these areas . If you can give some reassurance to your partner in this way.a little pressure and massage. it is extremely helpful. . sometimes nothing should happen. if you can just hold your partner's 152 .

often this is enough to enable the person to feel his tension and let go. all of the movement. all of the breathing you have been doing. you may accomplish as much as all of the manipulation. 153 . Being with another person is extremely important.hand and let him know that you're there.

you may be tempted to lean over to say something or just be closer . this may give your partner a feeling of being smothered or pinned down or being pushed in some way. in any case. keeping her down..Don't climb over your partner! In your eagerness to be with your partner. the possibility of getting on top of your partner. Rocking breathing and pelvis with legs. Avoid. . Sometimes at this point your partner's pelvic movements begin to get so tense and tight it becomes 154 .

A way to loosen it is to take y o u r partner's legs and with a little push and pull motion. Do this about six times.difficult for her pelvis to move. rock your partner's whole body back and forth. then stop and push on her heels as 155 .

The Knee Circle and Knee exercises page 87. if your partner's legs are t o o heavy for you to hold this long.she exhales so that she begins to feel the "grounding" sequence. See page 80 if you've forgotten what grounding is. See whole body right into it and lessens your effort. 156 . rest his feet Drop on your thighs and rock yourself back and forth t o o ! This puts your from Working Alone are sometimes useful at this point.

Breathe in to the ground. Rest while she does pelvic rocking and partner's unison her and remind her to keep thinking of 157 . knees with Return again to the pelvic rock.Moving the energy your hands on your breathing.

Now as your partner exhales. Pelvic lift. but now at the end of the exhalation. the pelvic lift is done. Your partner imagines 158 .breathing in and out through the genitals. directing it toward her feet for 2 or 3 minutes so that she increases her consciousness of her feet touching the floor. Your partner continues to breathe and to move. put pressure on her legs.

he slowly cocks his pelvis 159 . . While holding the " u p " position. This is the same exercise that you did in Working Alone. It is merely a natural reflex action. page 75. he should stay there for awhile . Allow this to happen. until he feels like coming back down. As your partner reaches the heightened position. . As he inhales.blowing the air out the genitals as he exhales and raises his hips up as high as possible at the same time. The difference is that you are now reinforcing your partner's grounding by stroking up his thighs and pushing down on his knees as he lifts his pelvis and exhales. his pelvis may vibrate or bounce.

Bioenergetic Bends. All this time. Do this 6-8 times. or Up Against the Wall. coming back down to a beginning position. On all fours. you can encourage the feeling of grounding by pushing down on his legs. you can do this exercise the same way as in Working Alone. then exhales and lifts back up again. Once you have established the grounding sequence. only this time you hold your partner's pelvis so that you can feel the movement as she comes 160 . such as Squatting. Some of the exercises from Working Alone can be done at this point to reinforce the grounding concept.back.

.forward. making sure the pelvis is rotating properly with the breathing. Do this about 8-10 times.

and get completely relaxed. responding. The major emphasis in these exercises. have your partner lie on her back. sharing yourself. then go away from them. Do them with your full attention. has been to focus on your relationship. giving your attention to your regular life activities. and yet always taking the responsibility for your own excitement. your body will do the rest. your body As you work through these exercises again and again. sensing another. The sequence you have just been through has been a way for you to experience and increase your excitement in the presence of another person. will naturally incorporate the basic breath and movement patterns into your life. Therefore.Following this. Now verbally share the experiences and feelings that you have had during the exercises. do not worry about whether you've got the sequence right. being with another. as in love-making. Trust your body. legs down. do not even think about the exercises except when you're doing them. Just completely let go. 162 .

Dissertation Produced all Maladies European Produites par la Masturbation (The than thirty Masturbation). Participate and E n j o y " . Within few years this work was of the major languages. Since you may not know why masturbation has been so condemned in our culture. This bumper sticker is the major thought I wish to convey. harmful. producing intellectual "weak eyes. let me tell you some of the story. In fact. Samuel Auguste Andre-David Tissot. or detrimental in any way. Paris. is as antiquated as the source of the concepts from which it came. since Tissot. sexual disorders.Masturbation "Masturbate. and constipation." hypochondriacal and hysterical symptons. Tissot's work views masturbation as catastrophically harmful to a person. Back "L'Onanisme: Sicknesses reproduced in in 1758 By a Frenchman sur les named Tissot a wrote a book called. N. professor of medicine and a member of the Royal Society of London. The idea that masturbation is bad. was a knowledgeable writer on almost every aspect of medicine. . His opinion exerted a significant influence on the sexual attitudes of his contemporaries. genital epilepsy. and more editions were published in that century. and still affects us today. and weakness a full of range the of faculties. Milan and Stockholm.. I hope. pimples. almost every ill 163 .

Also. it was felt that in masturbation the seed loss was not replenished." intromission breath restored the vigor. has at one time or another been blamed on masturbation. . therefore. appears forcefully in Hippocrates. in women. life and love" it is or "although mature adolescence. which is physiologically harmful The physiological in model upon which In Tissot fact. remnant of the ancient attitude in many b o o k s . is a satisfying means of allaying physiological 164 . " or "corpse excitant.. vaginal orgasms" or "an element of by a sense of sexual pleasure. the theory was that nervous system is composed of a set of very fine tubes through which circulate the "soma h o r m o n t a . as in "masturbation away from childhood and fantasies lead one to introverted. Tissot's principle argument against masturbation was that the "vital s e e d " is lost in ejaculation. resulting in excessive excitation.of t h e b o d y . whom Tissot quoted and relied upon. by either sex." The idea was that the loss of semen was a loss of this soul substance." More subtle yet: "Moderate addiction is present in auto-eroticism because the phenomenon of ejaculation is accompanied auto-eroticism. even after the discovery in 1827. by Galue. the whereas masturbation is solitary. of the ovum which proved that females did not have semen and. not real such normal a curious and put-downs. and of the vital that an exchange through the pores and an "soma hormonta." It is interesting to note that masturbation was as forcefully condemned for females as it was for males. analogous to epilepsy. Tissot believed that there was an invisible current flowing between two people during intercourse. which circulates within the body to maintain life. with no inhalation exchange for replenishment of the "seed. "Seed loss" in masturbation was harmful because the motions of masturbation were more violent than those of coitus. their "vital seed" could not be lost. to say nothing of the mind or society. Even there remains subtle schizoid behavior" though contemporary approval of masturbation is overwhelming. based it this attitude quite was very universal the primitive cultures. or masturbation "it prevents. Briefly. is withdrawal.

The Kinsey reports noted a high frequency of masturbation throughout adult life among people who enjoy other forms of sexual activity as well. Kinsey pointed out that many adults who are not immature in any realistic sense do masturbate. has received to restraints. Most masturbation. The opposite sex partner is actually present in cohabitual relations whereas in auto-eroticism." It is not true that you have to have a partner to replenish your energy supply. runs parallel with. I feel Tissot was approaching the right track when he said that masturbation was "solitary. Perhaps no other natural.tension. and there is no sense in refusing to recognize this fact. . many times because of the fear of discovery." (!) Ironically. but for many people masturbation does create a problem. For many people. this is the problem. Even masturbation most guilt-producing activities experienced in their lifetime. or even increased work efficiency. There is but one difference. There are reliable statistics to show that masturbatory activity precedes. quickly. surgical actions healthy removal which is human activity masturbation is the next most frequent such both tremendous and horrible physical and mental . look one of the condemnations. Almost all current sex manuals and literature offer some reference or support to relieve these guilt feelings. and brings peace of mind. ranging from of the clitoris. it does not exist. punishments and tortures down through history. silently. and yet there persists among most people 165 . In this sense. Breathing is inhibited by "holding o n " and hurrying. form of sexual activity in the general population. Contrary to Tissot. it is the only form of sexual outlet. today. auto-eroticism is definitely an unnatural act. normal. and that it goes on from infancy into very old age. It is as ffective as moderate sexual relations in marriage. particularly in adolescents. make for the many people Inquisition like kindergarten. and succeeds hetero-sexual activity in human life. not the loss of vital seed. is done alone. . and there was no inhalation exchange. After heterosexual intercourse.

usually the upset." In this way. The most explicit example of rage in the passive partner can be found in cases of rape. In a sense this is similar to many kinds of human relationships. one transfers his anger or blame from his partner back to himself. . if you don't love me you hate me . and there is even a resistance part toward enlightenment harmless nature of masturbation.that is. recipient becomes other passivity allows himself or this game is played.body passive. sexual relationships in particular may fall into this category. a noted psychoanalyst. . Since most of the time people masturbate with their bodies completely passive and their genitals stimulated by their hands. . One person is the active partner. the passive resister.. hands doing . Most people are aware of their "guilt" feelings toward masturbation feelings which may well have come from repressive social. . if you hate me I've done something wrong. fears and guilt about the feelings are frequently still connected with masturbation. However. and in Otto Fenichel. The passive partner's anger usually takes the form of guilt slinging: "if be used. angry. or medical attitudes that have been around for years. their action (psychologically) makes a split within them . I should be punished. or enraged. or in many cases.the need to feel states on guilty that the in over masturbation. (I have never seen more " s t o r e d " rage expressed than in 166 . blames her dissatisfaction on person. . . therefore I'm guilty .body done u n t o . the other is the passive recipient of the action. hands active . the In relationships where dissatisfied. 1 would like to propose a new explanation for masturbatory guilt feelings. distinct adolescence of patients later life. religious. since 1 am not satisfied you don't love me . and feels as if she is being used as an you really loved me y o u ' d know what I want and satisfy me . who through herself to passive object. .

. sessions there are dealing with experiences of rape). But. women who masturbate regularly during adolescence and adulthood seem to have better socio-sexual adjustments. Well. regardless of age 167 . but even when other sexual release is available.such as sodomy and bestiality . in a sense. your anger is then put on turned inward on oneself is expressed as depression or the feeling that "I am being punished. there are twenty-two paragraphs dealing with various aspects of sexual behavior . Down through history." if one is punished. generally. The fact is that if a woman can learn to relax enough to have an orgasm by masturbating. Kinsey's statistics indicate that. masturbation can mean the difference between mediocre or unsatisfactory sexual relations and a full. as well as others for the clergy! If you want to feel guilty about sex. you are being raped by your hands during many forms of masturbation. and since yourself. Although it is well established that there are many cases of rape in which the victim is forced to a considerable number in which the victim is a passive participant.therapy comply. it is worthwhile taking a look at the more positive aspects of masturbation. guilt about masturbation has been supported by the church. your attitude toward masturbation is the most popular way to do it. When no other sexual outlet is available. complete orgastic relationship. if you are through with the eighteenth century and not too interested in self-flagellation. in both the act and the provocation. In the five medieval twenty-five Penitential Codes. one must be guilty. the advantages of masturbation are obvious. Anger you are the rapist. . she is more likely to have satisfying and more frequent orgasms with a sexual partner.and there were paragraphs dealing with masturbation for laymen .

or the most effective means towards the next orgastic cycle. This builds and hinders their ability to tolerate excitement with a excess sexual excitement many times leads to premature ejaculation and unsatisfactory speed in the sexual relationship. Many women can achieve an orgasm by crossing their legs or placing a pillow or other object between their legs and squeezing to afford pleasure. Squeezing possibility for complete release in orgasm as well as the further retards the buildup necessary to achieve another orgasm. Most of us have very vivid fantasy worlds. 1 advocate full use of your fantasies for the highest enjoyment in notice when you stop masturbation. Practice exercising yours. I feel it is possible to use this knowledge to your advantage by learning to pay attention to your experience of masturbating: your breathing and when you hold on. or multiple orgasms. masturbation can relieve sexual tension which partner. and what kind of manipulation in the genital area gives the quickest arousal. For men who participate in it wholly. Another virtue in masturbation is that it can be a way of coping with the disparate rhythms of partners. Once she's learned the means of reaching an congestion and muscular tension in the pelvis. masturbation is a good way for a woman to become more aware of which parts of her body give her the most pleasure. Allow yourself to go with any of the fantasies that you enjoy. Besides this. Masturbation technique. Thus. It requires no adjustments to a partner. If you need to 168 . where one does not wish to have as much sex as the other.or marital status. or shift her own body and movement to achieve more pleasure. it prevents the openness and receptiveness which leads to heightened orgasm. This allows movement of the hips but unfortunately sets up a pattern of squeezing to activate an orgasm. a woman is the surest. most has a quick frequent way in which orgasm the female to relieve reaches orgasm. she can better communicate her needs to her partner.

Pay attention to your breathing. both men and women) until you really have your whole body feeling the rush of energy that comes with good breathing and movement. It may be very useful to have a mirror to look at yourself. For this reason. Then add the proper pelvic movement. Many people have never taken the time or had the courage to really see what their genitals. Try some of the body lotions or hand lotions. Now begin your breathing pattern until your energy flow. your anus. and therefore your whole body is basically an erogenous zone. Learn about your body. start again! Remember that essentially your skin is a sexually-based sense organ. " Begin by exploring your whole body. you may discover something new and exciting. the space between your anus and genitals. give yourself some stroking pleasure other than on your genitals. . Look at and feel your entire body. almond. Don't stimulate your genitals yet (this includes your breasts. much less their whole body.natural oils such as olive. Get yourself in the m o o d with "whatever turns you o n . Now slowly begin to stimulate and explore your whole body with your hands. Another suggestion to get a new perspective on your body is to take a shower in total darkness . or even vaseline are good. feel your body and pay attention now when the lights go on. Learn which areas pleasure you. You will be aware of much more than you were before. but be careful of any 169 . if it stops. or coconut. then bring your awareness to your genitals. . Be sure that your legs are up so that your extensor muscles can move. and the perineum. Become aware of what lubrications feel good on your body . Explore these areas. don't go directly to your genitals. Pick a place where you won't be disturbed. looks like. Do your movement exercises to the point where you are moving freely. tingling. that your body is supported. and that you can move your pelvis. there is a great deal of literature that is available to turn you on. and vibrations are well established.have more stimulation for your fantasy world. The point that I want to emphasize is that a an exciting fantasy is no crime.

try it. you now know what pleases you. "I'm afraid I might enjoy it too much. . you are in an active. "I just don't feel anything. The National Sex and Drug F o r u m has a fine pamphlet on Masturbation Techniques for Women. Give yourself permission to experience what feels good to you. Masturbation can be a source of insight for both you and your partner. . What I am suggesting is that you can get some added advantages with a practice that you probably use anyway. . " Tolerating enjoyment is the whole message in this book. caring relationship with the most important person in your life. The most prevalent is. adjunct to My your masturbation as an enjoyable sexual life may bring some of yours forward. so masturbation offers an opportunity for you to practice that enjoyment without shutting it off by psychologically putting guilt and other pressure on yourself. Pleasure is not rationed. you'll like it . . . participating. from an external source. After all. what feels good to it. Begin to listen to your body and hear what it wants. The notion that it is not as good as sex with a partner is irrelevent. I feel that a vibrator can create t o o much excitation from outside. . advantages which will allow you to enjoy your life more. slowly and with plenty of lubricant (women can use their own vaginal lubricant at this point. but not as a steady diet.) Pleasure yourself now . They have published it in response to the countless women who say to their doctors or counselors. I don't. Next. get stuck t h e r e . teach someone else. People recommendation have to many promote fears associated with masturbation. move to your genitals. for they can be an irritant to delicate mucus tissue. and that by using it you don't allow enough inner excitement to be generated.lubricants that contain alcohol. I am not advocating complete substitution of masturbation for intercourse with a partner. It will hinder you from building your own sexual energy from the inside. A couple that 170 ." In it they recommend the use of an electric vibrator as part of their program of masturbation. It is all right once or twice . T h a t ' s you! Trust yourself.

can learn to masturbate each other effectively with just the right timing for pleasure can accomplish a more creative and satisfying sexual union. In intercourse it can be a means of stiffening the man and bringing the woman to a preliminary peak before penetration. The best method of teaching is to demonstrate for your partner. Always ask her first. 171 . It is with this attitude of discovery and sharing that masturbation can make a major contribution to your relationship. A woman's pleasurable areas change quite often. Afterward it is useful for stimulation for another cycle or orgasm for her and possibly for further arousal for him. so never assume that because you know what sent her in orbit last time it will be the same this time. That will show him or her your favorite strokes and positions.

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you will eventually be unable to do it at all. he felt he needed guidance in order to be absolutely correct. The therapist asked him to stand up and simply walk in a circle. You are ready to " f or g e t " everything you've learned in this book! At this point it is important to decongest your well head of the details you've learned. Now that you have presumably done the exercises both alone and with a partner and have mastered the arts of breathing to build energy. I can recall a dramatic group therapy session in which a man was asking for instruction in every aspect of his life. As he did this he was instructed in detail how to walk: " N o w lift 173 . getting your own sexual energy flowing. grounding to focus your energy. and taking responsibility for your own pleasure. Thinking can only interfere with your sexual experience. your bod y will remember very if you've practiced your exercises enough. If you concentrate on any movement. you are ready to graduate to the sack to see how it works for you with your chosen sexual partner.Joining Together In most of the other chapters in this book I have talked a lot about satisfying yourself. The way your golf swing goes to pieces after a lesson is a typical example of what I mean. and of of communicating verbal non-verbal breathe. with of moving or in coordination sounds with as your you breathing.

Of course. after all. than actual intercourse. to do it the best way possible. As he tried to comply. But to me. and the union much more fulfilling. but the feeling that is involved in the sexual experience.your foot. 174 . unable to move. He could not walk at all. he became absolutely paralyzed. so it follows that the deeper your relationship the more intense your sexual experience will be. but I feel that when it does the energy flow and excitement level will be significantly higher and more rewarding. giving and allowing from your feelings deep inside . for it implies that as you join together with your partner each of you is expressing care. an expression of your total relationship. Your body is participating in a natural event and it will automatically choose the easiest. I am. the main thing that comes to my mind is not the mechanics of intercourse. I am well aware that sex doesn't have to take this form to be fun. This is what can happen to any natural function if you concentrate on it in t o o much detail. or teaching some techniques for stimulating excitement. and are willing to have sex to get this benefit. there are many reasons for having sexual contact besides just the sexual drive. no! n o ! Put your heel first. talking about the optimum total orgasm in this book. ingredients. Don't let this happen to your love-making. I think t h e feeling and psychological aspects are as important. Some people just wish to lie close to someone and be held. simplest. and most natural thing once it has experienced both your old pattern and your new exercises. " etc. or even more so. though not indispensible. The quality of a sexual relationship is after all. And some just have nothing else to do while the TV set is out being repaired (or even while it's o n ) . the ideal sexual union presupposes the deepest mutual joining of love and care. To me "love-making" is really an appropriate term in this c o n t e x t . and love and deep contact are important.a very beautiful experience. then the t o e . When I think about joining together. Many people seek ego satisfaction from the sexual experience and feel satisfied when they have satisfied their partner.

Now it becomes energy for your organism.By this I do not necessarily mean joining together in a permanent relationship. This is the ultimate confluence. manipulated or enjoyed. it becomes confluent with the room. no differences. not confluence. They must restore the disturbed confluence by any means. What happens in the future no one knows. Another example of confluence: part once you swallow your food it is no longer there. What I'm talking about is a quality of deepest meaning in the here and now . there is no discrimination. they have difficulty coming to a point of agreement by discussion. A problem do not make personal contact with each arises when people try to extend this confluence and live permanently in a confluent relationship. . Confluence at the high point of sexual union is wholly desirable. nor can they agree to disagree. then. It is that loss of ego which I talked about in the chapter on Orgasm. no otherness. Many marriages are like this. the complete joining. then it fades and becomes part of the air in the room . When two people are in contact. of you . It has become confluent. . inside of your borders. if they disagree. using any means to make the other person "give u p . . you are no longer aware of it (as long as it agrees with y o u ) . . Then they other. . Sexually speaking. . . at this time. in your physical union. usually it's by repression. Right now. . into a separateness that is a sulking withdrawal. or in one that has to go on year after year. It is very much like the smoke coming from a cigarette . the confluence. flight into isolation . the partners see themselves as one and can stand little or no difference of opinion between them. as it goes into the room at first it seems to be a distinct figure or shape.. there is no sense of boundary between you and no sense of a separate person who must be noticed or approved. they respect their own as well as the other person's way of being and welcome the animation and excitement you use that comes with contact excitement disagreement. " Anger and hostility are other ways of getting the other person to return to the pattern of o n e n e s s . I suggest (charge built upon your differences) to build 175 . .

followed by a discharge. an end such in as the The important sensualist sensualist part would is of the sexual process. Conversely. . . Both types. more than their plateau or their discharge.tension until it is at its ultimate peak. Reich's curve (see page 30) shows foreplay. He keeps looking for bigger and better ways to stimulate himself to an ecstasy that forever escapes him. The sensualist keeps trying to bring his excitation to a high pitch and to retain it at that state so that he is taken out of himself. Then seek confluence. . I would like to to understand the rhythm the differences between of the sexual sensuality and discuss sexuality in relation to joining together . in the chapter on Orgasm. the extremes of sensuality in the sensualist and the extremes of sexuality in the sexualist. Sensuality is an tension. less interested in the end pleasure of his discharge (orgasm) than in the exploitation of the tension-creating steps of the orgastic cycle. All of this is part of the cycle that takes place in the sexual experience. only to try again. who care little about the foreplay or building the charge. and are only interested in their discharge or orgasm. the sexualists. If you will remember. But it is possible to enjoy one aspect of this curve more than another. a joining with the other (not only physically but also in the deeper centers of each of y o u ) . 176 . the foreplay. which can become possible for that short time. there are some people. seek. . the sensualist and the sexualist. Each failure is seen as a lack of sufficient stimulation. Because it is so important experience. frequently end up dissatisfied. . each phase is enjoyable in its own way. He is left unfinished and continually dissatisfied. or the building of the charge . then a gradual rising to a plateau. The sensualists really enjoy the first part of the curve . but sensuality My exercises can become certainly are aimed at building excitation and at allowing one to create more itself. .

. Keep in mind that each of us is different. Saying he. In his or her race to orgasm. Look at nature: copulation takes place in many different ways depending on the species of the animal . I have mentioned these possibilities in order to emphasize the importance of the relational character of intercourse and the enjoyment of all of its phases. but sexualist in his constant dissatisfaction will seek new both. . and then discuss them as some kind of pathological entity. T h e sexualist misses true satisfaction because he also avoids deep contact. He disregards the inner feelings in the body that are the true source of complete satisfaction. but is rarely satisfied. . of course. the nerves. Therefore. it is important to pay attention to your sexual partner's r h y t h m . but he doesn't build the tension necessary to really have a satisfactory discharge in the orgastic reflex. . or immediate coupling in others. The sensualist is limited in that he deals only with the surface . Frank discussion is the only way you can possibly begin to merge your r h y t h m s together. in turn. 177 . and the heart of a person. partners also. . Some people require and want more time for foreplay than others. only with what can be stimulated from the outside. He wishes only for his orgasm. a complete letting go and a joining with his partner. taking from a matter of seconds with gazelles or rabbits up to days with some kinds of bears . Deep satisfaction in sexual involvement involves the guts. . has his problems also. So also in our own species everyone is different. sexuality curve.The sexualist. Become conscious of where your partner fits into the sensuality vs. who has time? The the novelty of a new partner is primarily a sensuous phenomenon. the mind. I mean he or she. he spends most of his life hopping from bed to bed. These are touched only by allowing yourself to be with another person in the deepest sense and make clear contact. involving intricate mating rituals in some. The buildup of a relationship of caring and deep contact that can lead to heightened orgasms and more total resolution is missed by I do not mean to label people or to catalogue them.

it is quite obvious if he has an erection that something is going on. but when he is overly aroused. until his erection is somewhat 178 . Only the man himself can tell when that point has been reached Masters and Johnson. "You Can Last Longer" which teaches this technique. in their work on human sexual inadequacy. that is. has published an excellent little book called. her index finger just above the ridge of the head on the side away from her. 330 Ellis Street in San Francisco. . t h e technique consists of the woman sitting between the man's legs and stimulating the man either orally or manually to the point of ejaculation. when he has passed the "point of no r e t u r n " . Briefly. For a man. The problem with the male does not lie in being able to tell when he is aroused. she squeezes for eight to fifteen seconds. . The National Sex and Drug F o r u m . The male tells her that he has arrived at the "point of no r e t u r n . " and she squeezes his penis by placing her thumb just below the head on the side facing her. developed a technique called the "squeeze technique" that is designed to train the male to gain more control over his point of no return. at Glide Memorial Church.it is valuable to know some of the common signs of sexual arousal in both sexes. her other fingers below the ridge. when he has entered the orgastic reflex portion of the sexual cycle.

but they response are will clear and should be noticed. The couple can return to these exercises any time the man needs to reinforce his control over the point of no return. With the excitement spread through the b o d y . By this time. As orgasm approaches. t h e male has learned to recognize his point of no return. erection. The next step is actual vaginal contact. is important for the prevention of premature ejaculation. particularly as the pelvis is thrust forward. the use of the breathing techniques I have presented here are helpful in many less severe cases. For a woman. During excitement. The female. most noticeable anatomical look for nipple In the excitement phase. is greatly lessened. This is done three times for three sessions. she withdraws his penis and squeezes it in the same manner as before. and as she approaches the plateau phase. a kind of a measle-like rash or vascular flush appears. While severe difficulties with premature ejaculation are beyond the scope of this book. the signs of sexual arousal are not quite so outstanding. not allowing it to remain strictly in the genitals. depending on the woman's skin character. now sitting astride the man. When you breathe deeply. and then returns to normal the aureola (the colored area around the after her resolution. The be in her breasts. this rash-like flush tends to spread. Premature ejaculation is the result of t o o much excitement in the genitals. you spread your excitement throughout your body. at first just on the lower breast surfaces. Then. when his point of no return comes. This is repeated four or five times for three sessions. Sometimes this is hard to see. before complete excitement and tension in your whole body are built. stuffs his soft penis into her vagina and without moving allows the man to have an erection and to get used to being inside her. Slow deep breathing and relaxed movements.diminished. 179 . the chances of centering your sexual excitement in the penis to the point of inevitable ejaculation. and complete relaxation of the anus before the return of the pelvis.

I recommend skin stimulation rather than direct genital stimulation in the beginning of foreplay. Deep kissing as well as oral-genital stimulation are superb means when a of increasing high level one's sexual excitement. Stroking can be combined with the breathing you learned in the exercises . This information. Further detailed information can be found in most sex manuals. and the breast itself increases from one-fifth to one-fourth over its normal proportions. The bluish veins and markings on her breasts may become more noticeable also. is extremely important to have in mind in order that smooth. light stroking motions are good along the limbs and on the back. It is good to continue this touching are natural phenomena. . Perhaps one of the most important aspects of female excitement vaginal is the secretion the of moisture into the vagina from glands in the lining. rhythmical sexual joining can take place. is especially exciting and pleasurable for both 180 . of excitement breathing and movement pattern. Another exciting means of bringing pleasure to your partner that should not be missed is oral stimulation. the loving touch should not be forgotten. Stroking and people focus entirely on their genitals. which is an organ of perception as much as any other sensing organ. the labia tends to spread sideways as she approaches her plateau phase. yet during intercourse many stimulation even after penetration. The sensuality of the sexual encounter can be greatly enhanced if your skin. As for genital anatomical responses in women. . partners. with obvious purpose of lubrication for penetration.nipples) becomes puffy and engorged. although elementary. making her vaginal outlet more accessible for intercourse. has been This reached oral-genital by your stimulation. is utilized to its fullest during foreplay.

simulating the orgastic reflex. feeling the flow of your energy move from a solid base: moving body your feet and utilizing that contact with the earth or " g r o u n d " (something solid) to make the energy bounce up again through your body. Those positions which enable both partners to place their feet . This grounding principle should be followed in sexual joining. In general. it is important that those positions which inhibit breathing or prevent either partner's movement should be avoided in the final stages of orgasm. pulling the pelvis up and forward. and your body positions should allow you both to ground.One your energy principle down that your I continually to stress in the exercises is grounding that is. Also. it is important to activate the extensor muscles of your legs.

A rocking chair without arms is worth trying t o o . but as a steady diet they can't compare to a solid 182 . etc. The waterbed is current that fad promoting water beds as the answer to sexual excitement is a misleading one.against something and push (the end of the bed. Another problem with the water bed is that your rhythmical movements are difficult to synchronize. One of the problems of making love on a grounding becomes very difficult. Sitting in a chair face to face also can p r o m o t e your grounding. and your movement is inhibited for lack of anything solid to push against. Sexually speaking.) are better. due to the outside rhythms of the bed. a wall. water beds can be a delightful foundation. occasion.

. withdraws. Words can have the effect of getting you hung up in your head. and so on. and your head is what you're trying to lose just now. The other person senses this and the occasion ends up as yet another disappointment for b o t h . Not all of us move at the same r h y t h m . mutually agreeable game between y o u . and immediately one retreats. T h e major thing is that t h e movements begin slowly and stay slow until the orgastic reflex begins. There is no hurry. . The " u n s p o k e n a s s u m p t i o n " goes something like this: " I f we are one (confluent) and you really love me. Instead of communicating. rhythmical movements can be greatly facilitated by the use of outside lubrication even if there is plenty of secretion by the female. It is not necessary verbalize. It is y o u r absolute responsibility to stay own partner (gently. . This is not even necessary. you would k n o w what 1 want and give it to me. D o n ' t wait passively to be pleased. but it is possible for one partner to be moving two times to the other person's one movement if their timing is smooth and synchronous. unless that's an occasional. Each can stay with his own rhythm if they can get synchronized together. even becomes angry and reproachful when not satisfied. if you really loved me. not like y o u ' r e directing traffic at a busy intersection). . No attention one you can can read your mind. It's easy to confuse " w a n t i n g " with communication. loses excitement. you would satisfy m e " . and t h a t of your partner. This doesn't mean one person can be thrusting vigorously while the other one lies there like a day-old corpse . you may assume your partner knows what it is y o u want. enjoy each phase of pleasure to its fullest and then move on to the next. Many 183 . These slow. Or you may n o t be sure what you want yourself. seeking a mutual r h y t h m as in a dance. although read each other's body if both partners are paying to signals. These assumptions occur in a split second. This problem can become even more complicated if the feeling of constant confluence is present between you. non-verbal sounds can do t h e j o b very nicely.Remember conscious of your to pay attention to the r h y t h m and flow of your sexual rhythm and to communicate your desires to your excitement.

it becomes even more difficult to achieve an orgasm then. such as Vaseline Masturbation) will make your (see my c o m m e n t on lubrication in much more comfortable. you can derive a great deal of pleasure by using a slow circular motion with your hips. as long as your breathing is synchronized so that as your pelvis comes forward. like the " b u m p s and grinds" of the burlesque dancer. then you will be doing those things that most promote the dance of love. This motion can be stimulating to both the woman and the man. as it's sometimes difficult to coordinate two circles going at once. It is probably preferable to take turns during this circular movement. because the rise in excitement has to be built again.times extra lubrication. During foreplay. it is not always possible to achieve an orgasm simultaneously. This can lead to resentment. A movements compromise between too much and t o o little friction for either party is the secret when using outside lubrication. thus placing upon themselves an unnecessary responsibility. but it's not a necessity. If you join your movements with simultaneous breathing and make a sound together (as in the exercises). duplicating the motion of the final moments of the orgastic reflex. It more often happens that one or the other partner may have an orgasm first. the partner who has not arrived yet may shut down his or her excitement. The pelvic movements I advocate in the exercises are "back and forth" movements. your breath goes out. blame 184 . Some women feel like failures if they don't provide the lubrication for intercourse. and particularly during the "charge" sequence of intercourse. Since each person builds excitement and then discharges it at a different rate. When this does happen it is an added pleasure. When this occurs.

The relational aspects 185 . I have discussed the process of joining together in terms of a heterosexual relationship. Don't forget the final phase of your love-making. Up to this point. sequence basic of orgasms. even if An explicit verbal " c o n t r a c t " between the partners to this effect relieves both of a great deal of pressure . Here is where your masturbation practice can be put to good use. There is a different kind of excitement in watching someone masturbate or doing it for him or her. the car. Regardless of the important. a "glue" which mutual caring relationship is the will make your sexual union underlying. or on the stairs. and intercourse can be resumed. if each partner takes the responsibility for his or her own pleasure.and anger at the other partner. the last but certainly not the least important. . on him for failing to satisfy her and on her for having to perform and produce an orgasm. it's not accomplished by actual inter-vaginal intercourse. A great deal of pleasure can be derived from the "quickie" . In the shower. try masturbating (right there. the partner who is unfinished can go on to achieve an orgasm and be satisfied . It is not always necessary or possible to take the time for extended sexual buildup and discharge. . usually i m p r o m p t u sexual experience. But. to a climax. I wish to state clearly that heterosexuality is not a prerequisite for a satisfactory sexual relationship. These brief encounters can add variety and excitement to your life. If you are not satisfied. at lunch time or before breakfast are a few of the favorite times and places for this adventure. Post-coital holding encourages resolution and makes a much more loving finish for you both than jumping up and running off to the shower. a brief and exciting. . satisfying. It is all t o o common a circumstance. . or teach your partner how to masturbate you. the kitchen. . Sometimes this voyeuristic quality will arouse the finished partner to another height of excitement or erection. not in a dark closet by yourself).

. as many people by know. satisfactory. . works best for you. 186 .of any sexual union . person's an expression of the means whereby the ultimate possibility . in homosexual relationships. . respect and love. care. . the contact and involvement that are present and necessary in any deep relationship are also possible. complete. . It is your connection with being that your is body the on gift is of life. total orgasm . How you really a matter of use the energy turning your personal another generated preference.

Our power to think is all important. Another way is by dealing with the process of the mind. our culture worships the rational. To us in our " w e s t e r n " way of thinking. change it to facilitate your awareness of yourself Fritz Perls once said. "Lose your mind and come to your senses. Unfortunately thinking usually interferes with your ability to feel. Everything has to be explained to us in terms of cause and effect relationships. "lose your mind" may sound like heresy. 187 . even in complex phenomena everything must make sense. And it is the feeling content of your orgasm that you are working to increase.How to Lose your Mind Some people experience a very curious phenomenon when they begin to pay attention to their bodies: their minds become very active! This mental activity seems to bring to consciousness a flood of content which is irrelevent to the situation. One way of dealing with this phenomenon is by analyzing the content. I would like to discuss this process of the mind and how you can and greater sexual enjoyment. emphasizing the how of the mental activity rather than the why or the what." This has to happen for many people before they can obtain an intense orgasm.

has figured o u t t h a t there are three things the mind does to distract your feelings: he calls t h e m fussing. planning or figuring out what's going to happen. In general. you often reminder thoughts of these situations that w o n ' t let you rest. That is. Perhaps your mind traveled to the past. You are paying attention to what's happening in the present . When you withdraw to your fantasy. Close your eyes and just pay attention to where your mind goes. to an unfinished situation. Or your mind may go to the future . the mind comes to the here and the now. Steve Schoen. an unresolved disagreement with someone (the "1 should of said" phenomenon). This takes you away from w h a t ' s happening right now — here and now . these concepts are useful in looking at the process of the mind. and so on. holding on. and turning off. . how your body is now. Let's try an experiment. dishes that need to be washed. something that needs to be completed in some way. Although I know that this is an oversimplification. the deeper your emotional involvement with a situation." A very c o m m o n unfinished is neglecting to say goodbye to someone or to thank them for something they did for y o u . You become aware of the chair being t o o hard. it is analagous to hearing the tenant upstairs come in. You are aware of the sounds outside. . 188 . the greater the need to finish it. The concept of finishing or closing a situation (completing a gestalt) is one of the basic tenets of Gestalt therapy. you can discover some very interesting things a b o u t it.here and now. rehearsing. situation get little or something that needs to be "fixed. What is going on inside your head as you do this? You may find t h a t your attention comes to how you are feeling.and it robs you of your spontaneity as well. if you pay attention to your mind.A colleague of mine. to close it completely and say goodbye. An incomplete gestalt attracts energy like a magnet. discomfort in your body. You are aware of your breathing.

189 . keep the shuttling process going until you can take time to be alone. fussing about how you can possibly stay in the present. allow your mind to go to the situation and. If you hang onto the now. " t r e a s u r e d " tragedies or "cherished" resentments. (or Sarah) and I shouldn't be thinking of someone else." Sometimes professional help from a competent therapist is required before you can complete a more deeply disturbing unfinished situation. This holding on to the past prevents your full involvement in the present. But if you alternately allow yourself to withdraw. Some of us prefer to stick grimly to what we are doing and avoid dealing with unfinished situations. That's in the past. . Mentally finish the situation and "tell it goodbye. you exhaust yourself. "But I'm here with J o e . go inside to the past. " Your energy is split. close your eyes. and your mind starts flashing back to a former lover! Immediately you might say. in fantasy. and your unfinished situation may just fade. This shuttling can clarify the present for you. carry it to a completion.take off his shoes and drop only one. You Working with will a recall Partner from the the idea exercise of the of the eye-alogue (page 110) in development of " c o n t a c t " and the importance of "withdrawing. it probably gets worse. Your attention then gets stuck on waiting for the other shoe to drop. even in fantasy. When you are alone. Only by completing the gestalt — dropping the other shoe — is your energy freed to deal fully with the present. We are often unwilling to let go of such things as lost loved ones. . then shuttle back to the now. Many unfinished situations cannot be completed in actuality so fantasy is the only method available to you." This technique can be used to deal with these unfinished situations as well. they hardly ever go away. You are caught between " t h e n and t h e r e " and "here and n o w ." So you expend energy trying to be present . Suppose you are making love with someone. If you really try to avoid your past situation. If it doesn't. you may be able to finish the unfinished situation in your fantasy.

he moves his life is full of ritual and superstition directed at the hope of village.Raja Yoga . An example of this is the Australian Aborigine. If something happens in the world. is subject His to it.is the way of enlightenment through controlling the mind. . speaking. The East has for thousands of years recognized the invasive and distracting qualities of the mind and has developed ways of dealing with them. one form of yoga . In fact. We are used to such statements as "Man's continued struggle with nature. Few people realize though that overextended contact is just as harmful. Before I can discuss Eastern philosophy. withdrawn. you would be completely l t OS to fantasy. there are First there different ways to is man under nature. We can gain greater perspective and invaluable insights into the processes of the mind by looking briefly at some aspects of Eastern philosophy. and the effort of doing so will drain your energy. it is a m e t h o d of stopping the mind's spontaneous rambling. I want to digress briefly to clarify certain basic cultural differences between the Eastern and the Western view of the world. man over nature. As man evolved he reached another stage . Nature is in control. ." We don't accept the idea of being subject to 190 . maintaining contact for a long period of time i s almost impossible. Learning to establish your own best rhythm of contact and withdrawal is an important part of emotional competence. favorably influencing an all-powerful natural force. Anthropologically understand he man's place in the world. I have found some of these concepts most useful in dealing with the processes of my own mind. If there is a flood. This stage is typified by western man.Most people realize that overextended withdrawal is harmful. if y o u tended to "go a w a y " for long periods of time. autistic.

trees. A third approach is man within nature — t h a t is. whereas in eastern philosophy the emphasis is on being. man as an integral part of nature. and the whole earth are part of her. The major difference between western and eastern philosophy is one of " d o i n g " and " b e i n g . except as something to subdue. rivers. " Most of us in the west have great difficulty just being. you can have direct knowledge of your self and. you are what you seek. You are. This eastern philosophy is becoming more pervasive in the west now that western man is beginning to see the price he pays. a tree. man is part of nature.nature — we are trying to gain control of it. and continues to run its own way. you don't have to do anything. rocks. therefore the knowledge of the man . he has only to allow himself to develop in accord with nature. He does not have to seek outside knowledge. the mind does not always want to cooperate. If you can stop your mind. Thus. In this view: you are it. It follows that intellectual self-analysis only creates greater distance between your mind and your self. Western man wants to get from one place to another as quickly as possible with a highway. If there is a mountain in the way. psychologically and ecologically speaking. " We westerners are always " d o i n g . . direct knowledge of the universe. much as animals. since you are one with the universe. for his "influence" over nature. . We pay little attention to nature. he bulldozes it down and puts the highway through. Eastern thinking emphasizes that when you view something intellectually you view it as a separate entity. 191 . you can be at one with it. In this philosophy of man within nature. something apart from yourself. Oriental philosophers developed ways of calming the mind and experiencing oneself more directly. Unfortunately. By "stopping your mind." you can have a direct experience of the universe. Man also has this innate knowledge of himself. for instance. does not need to be universe is also within educated in school in order to learn how to be a bigger tree.

"What can I do now. . Mantras were originally Sanskrit phrases with religious significance that are repeated again and again. T h e opposite of fussing is calm. and there are many fine works available on the subject. and then 1 want you to run up and down the tower stairs until I call for y o u . but sometimes it is as though the mind gets stuck — very much as though there were a tape loop. A yogi once told me the story of the maharajah who had a talented servant. More than an elementary introduction to meditation is beyond the scope of this b o o k . although they can also be just a nonsensical repetition of sounds or words.both of these rob you of the present. " So the master took care of himself by taking care of the servant who was driving him crazy .From a western computer with thought standpoint it is possible to think of the mind as a tapes inside it. Most of the time the mind runs smoothly. the here and the now. There are a few kinds of meditation that are particularly useful to us here. Master? What shall I do n o w ? . able to do anything for him. You don't need it fussing when you are trying to relax. "I want you to go and build a tower seven stories high. The servant was driving the master crazy. and I recommend that you try them.. do body exercises or enjoy sexual pleasure. You should be able to call upon it only when you need it. " tugging at his sleeve. So finally the master said. The repetition is really the most important thing. This broken record is your fussing. The only problem was that the servant constantly was at the master's side saying. 192 . One way you can achieve calmness of mind is through the practice of meditation. asking for further tasks. just as you can take care of your mind when it is driving you crazy. A very popular and effective form of meditation is Mantra meditation. or a broken record at work. it can take the form of rehearsing if it is in the future . It can take the form of an unfinished situation if it is in the past.

. . Most of us identify ourselves with our thoughts and we fear that not thinking would be not being. after a while your computer becomes . but not necessary t o . until gradually. and capable of mastering. all are aimed at dis-identifying you from your thoughts and actions. I am not my emotions. There are different mantras or phrases to use for different purposes or tasks. b u t I am not my b o d y . When you no longer identify yourself with anything but your center of self-awareness you are then able to accept each part of your being as available for. therefore I a m . I have an intellect but it is not myself. Certainly Western culture has been built on such assumptions as Descartes' "I think. without your noticing. I have emotions but I am not my emotions. The only thing left in your mind is the mantra. . You will remain a continuing e n t i t y . I have desires but they are not myself. I am not my desires. " One object of meditation is to break our strong identification with our thoughts. I am not my intellect.So one solution to the problem of the repeating tape loop in your computer is to overload the circuit with a mantra as it were. using and directing all my psychological processes and my physical b o d y . for 193 . What am I then? What remains after discarding my sensations. desires and thoughts? I am a center of awareness and will. An exercise to assist you in dis-identifying from your standard way of seeing the world is this sequence of ideas: 1 am n o t my body: I have a b o d y . very . . emotions. existence. still.

194 . spine straight.") This phrase. you may at times find it difficult to "let g o " into your body's excitement. the repetition is what's important. I recommend withdrawing into yourself to center yourself. It is meant to open your fourth chakra or heart center (see chapter Religion Orgasm. mind on as well as with that your body. Sit in an upright position. When you are doing your exercises alone and you find yourself fussing and unable to finish a situation. One of my sun the in favorite mantras is Aditya Hridayam the and Punyam Sarv Shatru time to learn it. stimulating your time. Any phrase will do. your of course. you will feelings of love and compassion. using the words "rising" as you take a breath in and "falling" as you let your breath out. As a continuing entity you are in charge and you can change any aspects of your emotion. Close your eyes and merely pay attention to your breathing. " The words don't matter. If you use it at any find yourself feeling calmer and more feelings. A mantra is very useful in this case.the m o m e n t all else will pass. thought or desire so you can obtain the most out of your life. Even when your mind isn't stuck in a fussing pattern. is page 00) Bena Shenam (which means "All evil vanishes from life for him who keeps the his heart. you will find your b o d y is freed to experience its feelings. even something like "copper tobacco c a n . start So if you can another thinking concentrate something doesn't pattern. your mind will be calm and you can continue. or as long as it takes. When you finish. to help give your mind something to d o . Just sit quietly in this way for at least 10 minutes. You are holding on with your mind. on Sex and if you will take — Spirituality excellent to repeat. But whether the Eastern in touch with your purpose for using the mantra works or not is unimportant.

neither censor nor hold on to them. see if it is unfinished material. your thoughts are flotsam and jetsam. " and start anew. as long as your spine is straight and upright. listening to a record or watching a movie. of letting your thoughts flow without stopping t h e m . but this sometimes interrupts the flow of your energy and your relationship. At this point you need to e m p t y your mind. Let your thoughts flow. Again. As I said previously. As with all forms of meditation. There is another form of meditation for doing this. clear your " t a p e s . This is a process of emptying your mind. you are a passive witness to yourself. you could both stop and sit in this manner for a time. examine it closely. passing you by and moving on. putting a wall around it. 195 . Now just pay attention to your thoughts as though you were removed from t h e m . then if it is. If one image or thought returns. you are dis-identifying yourself with your thoughts. It is sometimes helpful to imagine yourself comfortably sitting by a slow-moving river or a stream. Right now it is time to relax and empty your mind. you can come back to it later.If when you are working with a partner your mind gives you trouble. the mind is like a huge active computer collecting data all the time. sit in a comfortable upright position on the floor. try just coordinating your breathing with your partner's and using the words (silently) "rising" and "falling" as your belly rises and falls during the exercise. imagine yourself putting it aside mentally. then you can go o n . every m o m e n t we are awake. If so. You will know when your mind stops fussing. This may only take a few m o m e n t s or so of concentration. Sometimes it becomes so overloaded with thoughts there seems to be no room for any more. as though they were not part of you. on a cushion or in a straight-backed chair.

The opposite of holding on is. . as well as for helping to keep your body flexible. The turn off. there are many. Another trying to get so thing you may each thing in you discover when you go inside your mind is its place . you may become aware of your own holding on. . letting go. There are many schools of thought as to how to go about this. spontaneously responding to the Now. . your own difficulty in letting go. of course. the yoga of the b o d y . As we hold on in our minds we also hold on in our bodies. as you bring your attention to your body . . 1 recommend the study of Hatha Yoga as a good way to increase the process of letting go . many books to start you. . . Where classes are not available. The asanas (exercises) of Hatha Yoga. controlling and going the isolating your you want.Active participation in meditation is a very useful practice for calming and centering yourself in every aspect of your life. Since Hatha Yoga is becoming more popular these days. When you are interested you can find the path that suits you. . not to what your partner is doing. This is particularly true when it comes to any anxiety-producing situation. environment that have everything way "Rehearsing" is a form of controlling. classes are available in most areas. that part of our environment with which we are most closely in contact. as sex is for many people. It is possible to 196 . . . nor to what is happening around you . Turning off is a way of disassociating yourself from your experience. but my exercises are designed to enable you to learn to let go. . This is more easily said than d o n e . It is as though they were a u t o m a t o n s . third phenomenon people experience in their minds is that they people are just not present in the world a great deal of the Many time. By holding on 1 mean trying to control every situation around you. Thus. holding on. accepting things as they come . are exercises in letting go.

If you are turning yourself off regularly and you want to reverse this process. If you bring your attention to your awareness in detail. in the words of Ken Kesey . aware of the tips of my toes . you will find new sensations. it is possible. aware of the colors of the room . .chemically enhance this "non-presence" by using alcohol or tranquilizers. . . " and finish the sentence ". . Come to the world. you'll blow it! 197 . smells. . within and without. my b o d y . We can use a similar technique for paying attention. my eyes . "the only ticket you get to this show. . to be aware of. and pay attention. . . Each time you do this exercise. . you can begin to turn yourself on. Start with the simple exercise of saying to yourself. where there is a moment-to-moment discipline over each thought and act. This is . sounds. . my ears . really pay attention to what you are doing. this is the only chance you get. . they often have this effect... . . requiring constant and total attention. here and now. all of my senses." etc. Regular practice will increase your sensitivity to the present around you. " N o w 1 am aware . As far as 1 know. . Enjoy your life to its utmost. . . my hands ." If you don't pay attention. . The Eastern approach to paying attention is epitomized in any Zen monastery..

could secretly boast such an illustrious member as Rasputin among its ranks. Many so-called "pagan" religions included sexual orgies and phallus worship as cornerstones of their ritual. The practice of sexual participation in connection with a religious ritual for the attainment of enlightenment has a history almost as old as man. The idea persisted. and from time to time various "heretical" sects appeared in Western Christianity. 199 . In orgasm. such as childbirth. total surrender. Within the last hundred years." This peak of bliss can be attained through other experiences as well. however. in such a devoutly Christian society as Czarist Russia. loss of duality and merger describes the religious experience as well as it describes sexual union. The giving of oneself to another with love. Orgiastic revelry alternating with fervent religious ceremonies achieved for these faithful a union of opposites: the highest and the lowest. leaving only Satan worshippers to carry on the tradition. their members usually ending up burning at the stake. called the Khlysty.Religion and Sex Spirituality and Orgasm Spirituality and orgasm are different expressions of the same life force. which sometimes gives a woman a feeling of being at one with the universe for a brief m o m e n t . such a sect. The Judeo-Christian morality put something of a damper on such activities and Calvinism all but finished it off. There is a great similarity between an intense religious experience and a total orgasm. Each is often called a "peak experience. the experience of being swept out of the ego or mind and into the senses is not uncommon.

The word " y o g a " comes from the Sanskrit base " t o y o k e " — to link two things together. world. above the limitations of the ego. One yoga concept that is particularly relevant here is that of the Kundalini. including both spiritual expression and sexual expression. so that we may live in tune with the source of consciousness rather than out of the limited consciousness of our everyday awareness. Saint Paul expressed it in Christian terms when he said. For the yogi. particularly different ways. thus activating the six different psychic centers. One image of it is of a coiled snake biting his own tail. until it reaches the crown of the head. the goal is to rise above the duality of petty love and hate and pain and pleasure. our everyday awareness. The goal of the yogi is to awaken that serpent to start the flow of energy up the spine. It can be thought of as a serpent which resides at the base of the spine. the way man uses his energy in the world around him.The concept of psychic energy expressing of the body can be expressed or manifested in is a basic teaching of yoga.) You are that divine principle which you seek. the spiritual God. "1 than am Christ a or God. is expressed differently. to the source of consciousness. and attain a level from which the pitifulness and worthlessness of our ordinary consciousness becomes very apparent. At each of these centers the entire psychological structure. The key concept in yoga is the idea that you are it! (TAT TWAM ASI. which I'd like to discuss here in the light of modern depth psychology. "I live now not me. not outwardly turned. in the Christian view one would hesitate to say. In other words each chakra is a way of being in the world. This energy "Kundalini" Yoga. The Yoga Sutra is the basic text of yoga." but the with yogis the believe we are as each in a the manifestation rather of God. and its teachings date back to centuries before Christ. a name given to the energy of the universe which is within us all at different levels. What is to be linked in yoga is our consciousness. but Christ in m e . (Weltanschauung) a way of expressing the energy within us to the 200 . The having yogi works toward realizing his own "God-ness" infinite being. or chakras. " However. "relationship" Judeo-Christian tradition.

not moving out into the world. and the things that they guard are gold and beautiful girls. The person whose energy is tied up here has a kind of a hanging-on existence . and it corresponds to how some people are throughout life. They tend to guard things.The devotee of kundalini yoga tries to stimulate the flow of energy up the spine to activate the different flow up centers the spine. the psychological way of being and the physical way of being are two manifestations of the same thing. located at the base of the spine. . There is no difference between the t w o . T h e y won't "give-up" and enjoy life . Each He does this by meditation. describe this state in terms of dragons. This is the way their kundalini or psychic energy is at this first level. They can't make use of either. . 201 . I once heard Joseph Campbell. . a sound and a whole atmosphere about it. breathing (pranayama). The first chakra is the Müladhara Chakra. and movement . there is no zeal for life. the eminent authority on mythology. . The chakras are viewed as lotuses opening. body asanas or positions that stimulate the energy chakra or center has a picture that goes with it. It is interesting to note that the chakras correspond closely to the neuroplexes of western physiology. This is the root or base chakra. He said that dragons have a curious function. The realms of the spiritual and the physical in eastern thinking are so intimately interrelated t h a t one can hardly separate the two. There is no joy. there is a color. . they are just hanging on and existing. and as the yogi brings his energies to these centers they begin to tingle within the body. The picture is one of the serpent biting its tail. or chakras. To the oriental. they just hang on. . There is simply a hanging-on to life.

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The we control these energies. although it's to get stuck with only one focus of energy. Some politicians are an excellent example of life at this stage. It is the Svadisthana Chakra. The reason is that at is a loss of the sense of ego.The second center is at the genitals. to turn things into the self. . . to achieve power. to be a winner. . to be in control. One acts without a sense of self. to incorporate. T h e first of these is the the Anahata Chakra. the life energy. the first thing that opens up many times is sexual desire and sexual energy. We manifest possible different of life forms of these chakras way at different times. This is the area of Adlerian psychology or Nietzschian philosophy. The main goal of life at this level is to be on t o p . a loss of selfness. Here the energy is directed at power . terror and fear are extinguished. The next three chakras are the spiritual chakras. . to let go and to move. taking in. the conception of man as basically erotic. this point there desire and aggression. t o g e t h e r " or the loss of duality. centers or major uses ways of being in the world is determined by social custom and laws. of the "coming At this point opposites come together . This is the " F r e u d i a n " chakra . This is the favorite resort of the kundalini. . . interestingly enough. which It is at the solar plexis or heart center. The next stage or chakra is the Manipüraka Chakra. Here one's whole existence in life is centered around sex. The central theme in Jungian psychology 204 . chakra of love. These then are man's energy. One in turn interprets all of one's existence in terms of sexual energy. as one begins to come to life. to consume. and is is also the chakra of transformation. These first three chakras typify the way most of us live in the world. It resides at the level of the navel. yet with love. In therapy.

to hold them close to the chest. you have reached the point of beholding the image of the world of God.is this union of opposites with man's spiritual origins. moving out of the world and turning to the inner world. This is the chakra right at the base of the throat. and coming to the inner light directly. It is interesting that when we feel affection. we want to reach out and bring t h e m to our breast. The sixth chakra is Ajnna. This is the monastic level. One's energy is directed inward spiritually to ease one's consciousness on to the next higher level. tuning into the inner sound of God. There are a great many texts written about the chakras. Sir John Woodroff's The Serpent Power. the highest sphere of inner authority that you can attain. Here are the disiplines of the spiritual level. located at the crown of the head. and warmth for someone. is a very authorative text on kundalini yoga. This is the realm of heaven and bliss on earth. The final chakra is the Sahasrara. When the energy or serpent is here. At of this the chakra lower one's chakras energy on is directed toward purifying the contaminents the trip to higher spirituality. located between the eyebrows at the "third e y e . love. The next chakra is the Visuddha. Here one is past all pairs of opposite and at one with God. " It is the center of spiritual power and knowledge. 205 . The way of being in the world when operating from this chakra is one of reaching out with love.

preparation for sexual union are enough the control of thought. The female partner plays the role of the "divine w o m a n . The shakti may be the man's wife or another woman . The male becomes the shakta. . sexual In Tantric union. the yogi experiences unity and enjoys supreme bliss. the control of breath. Another form of yoga which is especially relevant here is Tantra. This way of looking at the body and spirituality gives us some understanding of how sex and spirituality come together. what takes place is that the shakta. " She becomes shakti itself. for the male must never have seminal emission or. the preparation is part of the ritual and there are a number of steps in the ritual — from cleansing the body to drinking wine and eating meat or fish. . When 206 . when used correctly. spiritual expression is another. and the control of semen. that subtle power which. the universal passive principle. They concentrate on the Müláhara Chakra in the area at the base of t h e spine. in that sex is just one manifestation of the pure life energy force. You can see these as forms of the same power. She is the complete being . . the male. they breathe in unison . leads to liberation. is seated with a woman. The yogi must therefore prepare and master three major controls. These practices of to lift anyone's mind and body spiritually. This is followed by each partner's touching the other at various places on their body while chanting a mantra. This union is not easily accomplished. the shakti. . I have found the yogi's way of looking at energy to be most useful in understanding different people's ways of being in the world. any Each approaches the ritual by woman is the living embodiment of shakti. In uniting with her. Yoga it is the yogi's goal to achieve divine union of the Tantric ritual may give you through A brief summary some idea of how this is achieved. the yogi believes that he will lose all the energy that is generated. meditation and preparation. The divine ritual of Tantric Yoga is long and involved. the yoga of sex. The partners sit facing each other. like Tissot. . In essence though.I have given a brief description of a way of conceptualizing how energy within us can be expressed in different ways. they make a sound or vibration. the male principle. The final ritual is the joining of the male and the female. . as they exhale. As this power or force is activated in you it can be expressed in many ways: sexual expression is one way. and the different theories of psychology.

such as the sexual. without effort. You may have seen some of the oriental statues that depict this scene. and her arms are around his neck. When one tries to rush the process. and they are joined . . power. sexuality becomes less important . When one is ready to give up something . and their eyes merge into one as do their spirits. not the genital function. the unfinished stages. They are joining their eyes and minds. whatever . usually vented in sexual participation. They breathe in unison. the "charge" is dissipated and one automatically goes on to the next stage. but remain motionless. .sex energy — for the attainment of a higher state of consciousness in which personal ego is transcended. On the other hand. sex. still maintain a pull. as does all desire. many religions in the eastern and the western world have advocated sexual continence for the spiritual path. The assumption that one can get spiritually high by denying oneself sexual pleasure may have prompted some churches to demand abstinence in sexual relations from their priests. . After a length of time. but it may vary from one devotee to another. This in general is the sequence. The initiate then spends a great deal of time and energy trying to suppress sexual desires. . The followers of very spiritual men have noted that their Masters or Gurus did not want or need to participate in sex.they feel the energy begin to spread. . then the giving up does not require energy. sexual continence occurs naturally. The Tantric rite trains the participant to use one of the most powerful physiological forces . (the kundalini rising) they draw the energy up the spine and send it to their partner. as your psychic energy becomes more manifest in the higher chakras. 207 . There are certain stages to the spiritual life. Meditation and prayer are constantly being interrupted by sexual thoughts and fantasies. She draws the male's penis inside her vagina. The major emphasis is on the psychic and spiritual tension. spirituality. he draws the female shakti o n t o his lap. The idea is that one's energy. . . when the male is feeling a great enough flow of energy. When the higher spiritual centers can utilize that energy. would be conserved and available for higher functioning . they join their foreheads. in contrast to those which encourage sex. she wraps her legs around him. . . to skip stages. and as each stage is passed. 1 suspect that as one becomes more spiritually in tune. .

it's fun. You can only be where you are. to expand our consciousness. to express our love. . That is what I hope this book will help you to d o . . however. On the contrary. to stimulate our energy to a high level of aliveness. my view is that sex is an important expression of life energy experience. so let's put them to good use . after all. I am not in accord with the "hair-shirt" philosophy that anything that's fun should be avoided.I am not. as well as a possible source of great bliss in the larger-than-self Besides. Since the great majority of us are not on that rarified spiritual plane where desire drops from us like an unneeded garment. And while you are there you might as well make the most of it. we are still very much in possession of our sexual drives. advocating giving up sex. nor have I any plans to do so myself. 208 .

. the first course I had heard of that dealt with the psychological aspects of dentistry. so dentistry seemed natural. I applied (or actually my mother applied) for dental school and I was accepted. About the time my tour of duty was up I returned to the University of California for a post-graduate course in psychology in dentistry . how can we make things more pleasant for him. I went into the Air Force for two years. and yet 1 kept thinking about what it was that really made a successful dentist and about the aspects of human nature that were involved (how difficult it is for some people to go to the dentist. . I was able to do things easily that required fine coordination with my hands. who held a PhD. for instance).How the Book Came to Be I guess I felt I knew something that someone else didn't know. I was a psychology major in college and a pre-dental minor. I found out while I was there that I was good at carrying out the mechanical aspects of dentistry. in 209 . etc? After I got o u t of dental school. My background may seem somewhat schizoid. . but it has come together very nicely for me. how can we do things to improve the atmosphere of the office. I was interested in people. I met a man there by the name of Lauren Borland. and my parents wanted me to have a profession. something that was valuable and useful. . I found myself becoming more and more involved with the patient . and I wanted to get that information to as many people as possible.

I also went to the Gestalt Institute of San Francisco for another two years of training (I'm still involved there as a training therapist) . He was instrumental in encouraging me to come back up to U. I was particularly concerned with people who were apprehensive.C. At the same time I started attending groups and pursuing my own personal insights. and people who were having hysterical symptoms. so 1 went back for a Masters degree is psychology. I started my private dental practice and was spending part of my time teaching at U. I was advised that if I wanted to stay in the academic field I would have to go back and get some more degrees. and became the Director of Counseling there. I began to get quite a bit freer myself. so actually I was learning as much about psychology as 1 was about dentistry. That sort of sums up my professional career.psychology and was also a dentist. Dental School to teach and do research. and then as a co-therapist. I was also doing a lot of research and taking post-graduate courses. so I went to a program at Big Sur with Bob Hall and Fitz Perls which turned out to be very influential on my life. afraid to go to the dentist. I was ready and willing to take on all kinds of problems with dental patients. Bob later became my chief trainer as a Gestalt Therapist. and at the University of Pacific Dental School. in Clinical Psychology. I completed my training as a therapist by going back to school to get a PhD. . Esalen had just started around this time and I became interested in the whole encounter trip. I continued teaching psychology to the students at the University of the Pacific Dental School. 210 . I was very compulsive and " u p t i g h t " before this. I began to see how inadequate my training had been for group work. I worked with him for about three years as a member of his group. that's how I got into Gestalt. As I got more and more involved in "one-to-one" relationships.C. including long-term private therapy. .

I began to learn a lot by putting bioenergetics. it was a fantastic By this time I was leading groups down at Big Sur and talking about my experience to different groups. yoga. I found myself able to enjoy sex much more when In I did my breathing and improvement! paid attention to my movement. how did I come to write the book? I had been married about ten years. how much energy there is in the body and how it can be controlled and used to best advantage. So I talked about it in therapy and with other people. I didn't buy the whole Eastern " t r i p " of turning off your sexual energy. . and what I 211 . through meditation in yoga. People asked what exercises I did. I didn't move in my pelvis." I began to study and try new ways to make things better. but if everything was OK. I was ready for his approach. there were a lot of places you could go for help. As I did this. and in turn agreed to teach me movement. though. and had begun to wonder: Can sex be any better? I didn't have any big problems. to experience this therapy herself. fact. and Ann's work together. you're fine. . I would work a couple of hours with her on movement and breathing. and it seemed as though everything was fine to me. So I offered to show those who were interested what Ann taught me. I had no idea. I talked to her about a pelvic block I seemed to have. as a dancer. I worked with Alexander Lowen in a workshop at Big Sur. and she would work a couple of hours with me on facial therapy.Now. might offer some of the answers I sought. people said: "Well there's nothing the matter with you. and felt he had a marvelous grasp of the theory of the sexual energies of life. but h o w was I to know? I wanted to explore further. If you had a sex problem. and Reichian therapy. who was a dental patient of mine. about my studies concerning therapy for facial expressions (the subject of my doctoral thesis in psychology) and she was very interested. so it seemed that Lowen. nobody seemed to have any good answers. since I was already into the "energy concept" through my study of Hatha Yoga and had begun to realize. 1 didn't k n o w if it was even possible . I had occasion to talk with Ann Halprin. just a hunch.

I'm sorry I didn't write it. . how to do some of the exercises. So I began showing people. . and is what the book is all about. . "It changed my whole sex life ." somebody said. As time went on everything seemed to come together." He replied. " T h e only thing t h a t will really They asked me if I knew anything about sex. But none of them seemed exciting to me . dammit I'm going to write a book t o o ! " A n d he said "Great I'll introduce you to my publisher. had just written The Massage Book. my energy wasn't there at the moment. they said. . The results were amazing . and suddenly I realized that that's what the book was to be a b o u t ! 212 . . He was studying to be a Gestalt Therapist at the Institute. as a present. exercises for myself. "Well. T h e problem I continued doing the was that I got to be known as "the dentist who teaches sex. and I said that I used to teach it . Stone's course in "Polarity T h e r a p y " . Feldenkrais and studied briefly his work with breathing and movement. as a regular part of my workshop. a copy of his b o o k . I took Dr. along with my yoga exercises. This conglomeration all began to come together. I said " I ' m going to write a b o o k . .added from other disciplines. people were ecstatic. . I had no idea it could be so great" etc. and I was his trainer at the time. Pat. . and our friends Bob and Julie Crockett as we were lounging together in our Japanese bath. "George. . "Oh s u r e . " And they said. . Mostly I worked with professionals . physicians. And sell is something. I didn't feel like it. for I found them to be very energy-provoking. He gave me. George Downing. . dentists. and there were a number of other possibilities to pursue." I went home that night and started talking with my wife." I found that this from my work. a friend of mine. I'd already thought about doing a textbook on psychology in dentistry. When I saw it I c o m m e n t e d to him . I did!" So I said. I had structural integration (Rolfing) and began Reichian therapy training. this is a really lovely book. . etc was detracting and their relations with other people. " So we started talking about the different things that I knew about. Then I met Dr. on sex. nurses. so I quit doing it. " t h e difference between us is that you didn't make the effort.

I found that very few people ever talk about what's going on in terms of the total body. In exploring the actual physiological sequences of orgasm. it is the relationship that counts. there are sexual clinics all over the country to which people with serious hangups can be referred. Maybe I could pull it together for them. Usually just the genitals arc emphasized. I was drawn to the spiritual path. I divide the rest of my time between my patients and groups as a clinical psychologist. religion and sex. I would be interested in your comments.I started o u t writing the book about the exercises and the movement strictly from a body standpoint. It became evident to me as I kept going that the sexual relationship is so much more. I like to work with people who are well. I am still a teacher of professional people. but the part that said " c u t out all sex" didn't fit for me. I realized that I could really do something to help people. So when 1 got to writing t h e book. so that they wouldn't have to struggle around looking for answers as I did (over a seven year period). and who consider sex an important adjunct to their growth. And the Reichian notion that orgasm is the greatest thing there is seemed to stop a little short also. I can be reached c/o Bookworks. with people who are interested in growth. I also have a consulting private practice in dentistry and my work with private service and I go to offices to work with personnel relations. T h a t ' s when the book began to be something important to me. That's why I began to explore some of the things that I hadn't been able to find in other b o o k s — for instance. I am not a "sex therapist" dealing with people who have serious sexual problems. In therapy. I am more interested in working with couples. when it became something more than just teaching someone to have a better orgasm. 213 .

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