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edition 3, 2010
student ‘poverty‘ be James Bond at work 15 months hostage: Nigel Brennan
DO YOU THINK I’M SEXY?
attraction: it’s evolutionary
PLUS: cassette kids, oscar sexism, gold digging, sport misdemeanours, nuclear love, eating in vs eating out
au or return it to The ACCESS Desk.MICHAEL KIRBY PLAIN SPEAKING COMPETITION YOUR GIFT OF THE GAB COULD WIN YOU $1.usuonline. Holme Building To register.000 Think you’ve got the pubic speaking skills worthy of Michael Kirby? Well. Heats from 10am 27th.usyd.edu.com Registrations close Friday 16th April . you need to register NOW for the Michael Kirby Plain Speaking Competition. 3 / THE BULL www.com and email it to kirby@usu. ed. 28th & 29th April Two divisions available to enter: Open or English as a Second Language (ESL) Reading Room & Common Room. download the Registration Form from usuonline.
Ellen Smith. reviews.. The information contained within this edition of The Bull was correct at the time of printing. rantings. Alissa Nasti. We’want it bad! 36 usubull2010@gmail. Design Carl Ahearn Publications Manager Chris Beaumont www. ideas. Lucasz Swiatek. Rhys Latham. Hamilton Hill. 3 .3 contents 10 15 16 18 20 Editors Bronwyn Cowell Nara “Raven” Dakota Patrick Effeney Daniel Swain Richard Warwick usubull2010@gmail..usuonline. Alistair Stephenson.com THE BULL / ed. This publication is brought to you by the University of Sydney Union and The University of Sydney 28 33 34 Features Page 10 Rules of Attraction Page 16 Are students really poor? Page 18 How to be an ofﬁce spy.com www. Alisha Bhojwani. ravings and innappropriate racist manifestos to The Bull.com The views in this publication are not necessarily the views of USU. Michael Koziol.com Contributors Anthony Faisandier.usuonline. Ellie Scott. coooool! Page 20 Do we really need two Oscars? Page 28 Nigel Brennan talks about his 15 months as hostage in Somalia Regulars 3: News 4: Columns 7: Extra 8-9: What’s on 15: Interview: Mark Danner 24-25: Campus Chatter 31: Campus Proﬁle: Conservatives 33: Travel 34: Sport 35: Food & Booze 36: Environment 37: Sci & Tech 38: Entertainment 40-41: Reviews 42: Mindgames 43: Humour 46: Caught on Campus SUBMIT YOURSELF TO THE BULL! Send in your articles.
Bateman then noted how the University and the Union had been in negotiation for some time on the issue of retail and catering control. Understandably. it’s a University and any publication outlining a broad vision will necessarily be a formidable volume). making statements and fielding questions were Vice-Chancellor Dr Michael Spence. He said students “can come to the bar and consume as much alcohol as they want. The Green Paper is available on the University’s website.edu. However. but the sticking points are in the detail.usyd. www. SUPRA and SU Sport. Union President Patrick Bateman. Just before this edition of The Bull went to print. or the criteria to decide on the distribution of funding was not mentioned however. however the student representatives on stage were unable to engage in the discussion beyond their opening addresses. which the Union have been doing well for 135 years”. Ms Howse said University senior management should act as “facilitators” for the ongoing discussion. however as Elly pointed out it’s not particularly accessible. The VC. the VC did not give any practical indication what University control would entail. a college of arts and sciences) would help ameliorate these two problems. All students would do well to familiarise themselves with that detail and make their opinions and interests known.com . including how a University takeover would affect studentcontrol of the Union and also the rumours of the VC’s apparent desire to restrict alcohol on campus. and then strongly dispelled the myth that his views were “puritan” when it came to alcohol. but it was the University who rebuffed a joint-decision making partnership on the selection of tenants.’ (for example. No doubt everyone at Manning Bar that afternoon agreed. 3 / THE BULL www. and the dearth of services for international students despite the higher price paid for courses. rather than as innovators or creators – a role the SRC President said belongs to students. meanwhile addressed the proposed University takeover of food. He said grouping academic structures within ‘colleges. as well as a preoccupation with putting ideas into action and engaging with the real world. drink and retail outlets on campus from the USU . in his main address. Dr Spence said the University felt compelled to step in because the USU was running a “loss-making” commercial operation and that the The VC answers questions from students concerned over the future of the University.supra. under the ‘Events’ tab. On stage.one of the most contentious topics of the afternoon. the VC agreed with all the concerns raised. but was unable to give a firm reply. as long as they don’t harm others”. Dr Spence said he was “one hundred per cent. ONLY WAITED 2 MINUTES FOR THE NOODLES TO BOIL The National Union of Students (NUS) held two major events on campuses across Australia at the end of March. He also aired concerns about the proposal to lengthen the duration of a PhD. Dr Spence said he had never made a comment about wanting to restrict consumption. In reply. There were further questions relating to the USU’s future. which maps out the University’s direction for the next five years. However. Again. a very full Manning Bar played host to an interactive information session about the recently released University Green Paper. Beyond the issues concerning the Union. Several students in the audience told the VC of their fear that a University takeover of the operations arm of the USU would undermine its independence and consequently cripple its ability to provide non-academic student services. the forum was perhaps too short. The VC described Sydney as an institution with a fierce devotion to academic excellence and the development of the mind. talked about the administrative duplication occurring within the University and the way that both excessively strict (Science) and excessively loose (Arts) degree structures leave students with reduced choice and insufficient training for the workplace. He did mention that most of the issues raised were symptomatic of the aforementioned duplication in administration As an exercise in enlightenment and disambiguation. they’re less keen on changing the system. with only half and hour dedicated to questions from the floor. How large a percentage. the turnout and diversity of concerns raised indicated a strong interest in the University’s future from the student body and the need for further. hand on heart” in favour of ensuring student activities and programs are entirely student-run. The VC said he believed money for the organisations should be allocated as a percentage of the teaching and learning budget of the University. At the University of Sydney 700 students queued along the front lawns to get a steaming cup of noodles. including declining face-to-face learning time. Questions from the floor were predictably concerned with ongoing issues at the University. all were directed to the VC. rather than research. (The VC noted. well attended Noodle Day. but had raised concerns over violent and demeaning behaviour that could result. Elly Howse talked about how students actively advocate their interests in response to the Green Paper.au.4 USU NEWS GREEN PAPER FORUM SPECIAL VC TALKS ABOUT GREEN PAPER. First came the well-publicised. Students can access a summary produced by SUPRA on their website. The purpose of this carb-loaded activism was to get its attendees energised about the National Day of Action the following week. several students took the opportunity to question the VC on other aspects of the Green Paper. Dr Spence also spoke of a desire to streamline the administrative structure of the University. THE UNION AND FUTURE OF SYDNEY UNI quality of outlets was inadequate for the needs of the campus. Union President Patrick Bateman. more in-depth discussion.usuonline. SRC President Elly Howse and Sydney University Postgraduate Representative Association (SUPRA) President Nick Irving. USyd’s protest march peaked at 70 participants. Bateman questioned the motivations of the University and asked why “a serious institution like the University would want to run bars and food outlets. Dr Spence also revealed his proposition for the funding of the Union and other campus organisations such as the SRC. sustainability measures on campus. SUPRA President Nick Irving meanwhile expressed concern about the apparent lack of regard the Green Paper gave to postgraduate students gaining their degree by coursework. ed. It seems that while students are more than willing to chow down on free snacks.
especially So You Think You Can Dance? [HOLY SHIT I LOVE THAT SHOW! . USU student programs n 2009 The Union chose to make a very bold statement. PALM will see several thousands of dollars worth of prizes awarded for outstanding student works of Photography. Mirror Mirror closes on May 1. Coming soon is the Verge Arts Festival. which means everyone is losing interest in uni and turning to other sources of entertainment. Taking away food and beverage from the USU will mean that these spaces will now be occupied by the University. we just want more time with our groupies. were arrested. Alistair Cowie Director Member Services. The Verge Gallery provides and outstanding opportunity for students to develop and deliver their artistic voices and messages. possibly illegal job: office snoop. Midterms are over. the interesting students got drunk. some people can’t be helped. if you vote you’ll also get a $5 food voucher to use at any USU food outlet on the day. and that’s why it exists. It was particularly good to see that a lot of the questions focused on page 77 of the Green Paper.usuonline. I urge you to vote. Daniel and Richard editor's note president's report n Wednesday 14 April. but yeah. We will no longer be able to decide whether it’s a sandwich bar or whether it’s a student lounge. and ensuring that their academic staff are well supported? This whole proposal seems at odds with the rest of the Green Paper. we opened a student focused art gallery: The Verge Gallery.5 W elcome to Edition 3. Currently Verge is showing an exciting and important exhibition that’s mounted in collaboration with Tin Sheds and The University Gallery. and the winners receive all the sex they can manhandle… and good immune systems or something like that. I’m dubious that the University’s proposal is motivated by a bona fide desire to make the food on campus better.usuonline. Since August 2009. for any section. For you keen students still attending lectures. don’t go to Somalia. Art. curated by the University’s Senior Curator. It sucks. its guns pointed at Student Admin. If you want to have a say in the direction of Australia’s oldest and biggest student union. Here at the Union.com and click on the ‘Get Involved’ tab. but student developed and curated as well. we’ve including a helpful guide to a possibly lucrative. Send articles on any subject.. Patrick. and we’ll be thrilled to have a read and see if it fits the magazine. Raven. Anyway. So far this semester. none is devoted to the display of student works. send submissions to usubull2010@gmail. had sex. And when we offered the University 50/50 inclusion in a joint decision making body for choosing tenants.com THE BULL / ed. we were rebuffed. We are nearing the end of semester 1. which otherwise offers some excellent proposals around these areas. and that the students will no longer have a say in how these spaces are run. In other news. USU O I www. and there’s a nice lull before the frenzy of Stuvac. 3 . and music. Verge has brought an incredible eight shows to the University community – the majority of which have been not just student focused. The Bull is running its first four-page spread. went on holiday. The Bull loves publishing student work. Instead of leasing prime JFR/City Road real estate to a bank or shoe shop. whether it should be a common space or a student gallery. where you will be choosing the next five Directors on the Union Board. The Verge Gallery is open every week day between noon and 3pm: check it out. Mirror Mirror. And if that’s not incentive enough. the Vice Chancellor visited Manning Bar on the invitation of the USU. literature. Bron. For while the University has other excellent galleries and museums. Anyway. However opportunities abound for other student artists and also alumni. so now’s the time to send in submissions. there are already huge steps being made by us to ensure that food on campus is better: consider Azzurri. this is your chance. SRC and SUPRA to answer questions about the Green Paper (see News opposite page). which states that the Uni wants to ‘shift responsibility for [USU] food and beverage and retail outlets to the University’. Some works have been controversial – the tank made of filing cabinets. we share your concern. Reading your words with love. crawled through mud. looks at the use of mirrors in art from the 1960s to now. just ask Nigel Brennan. student run Patrick Bateman President. All have been inspirational and have provided a student experience hitherto unavailable to students on this campus. many of whom are keen to return to their artistic roots. Students from the SCA are a particularly vital source of work with SCA dedicated exhibitions scheduled throughout the year. Ann Stephens. there’s an Election coming up on Wednesday 12 May. Also. consider Taste Baguette. So lunch is on us! Keep student life. The editors are getting carpal tunnel syndrome from writing and need you to send in some stuff (ha ha.Raven]. Gallery manager Christine Morrow (formerly of the Museum of Contemporary Art) has a passion for the development of young artists. did not go unnoticed (or unharmed – someone took a sledge hammer to it one weekend). consider Parma. The boring students studied. For more information go to www. Oh well. it’d be nice if you did our work for us). shot guns. The less interesting ones watched TV. A highlight of the festival is the PALM awards – this year celebrating their 50th anniversary. shouldn’t the University be more concerned with making sure that the quality of teaching and learning is the best it can be? Shouldn’t they concentrate on class sizes. We’re also interviewing the latest smug band to start getting airplay and examining the seedy truth behind student poverty and sexist Oscars. Attraction is the name of the game. It was fantastic to see so many students (and staff) there armed with great questions for Dr Spence.com. and caused old ladies to make noise complaints. After all. stalked people. You’ll also be able to vote on a referendum on Fair Trade coffee in USU outlets. To honour our collective attention drift.
com Register online NOW at www. Art.500 in cash to be won Applications OPEN .Friday 28 May and CLOSE . 3 / THE BULL www.Photography.com .usuonline. Literature and Music awards $13.usuonline.Friday 13 August ed.
usuonline. And it would die to protect him. Carwichet A pun. Tiger Woods Answers on page 42 Confabulate Unconsciously replace fact with fantasy in one’s memory. Ben Hilfenhaus Q5. or ﬁre dancing. Terry Campese D.000 workers died during the building of the Panama Canal. and approximately 20.” Sarah Connor. ??? Approximately 25. this thing. Send to: usubull2010@gmail. During this time. www. Last edition. Send your caption suggestions and WIN a $50 Co-Op Bookshop voucher!! Put it towards your semester 2 text book purchase or select something from their product range at the Co-op Bookshop. Mitchell Johnson D.com Include your name and contact details. it would never leave him. a hoaxing question or conundrum. Which NSW Waratah scored their first Super Rugby try in their 100th game recently? A. Adam Freier B.com.. Roger Federer D. The Bull told you all about poi. the Botany Lawns Wednesdays and Thursdays 12 – 2pm and 6:30 – 8:30pm on Wednesdays in Manning Square. 3 .coop-bookshop. Serena Williams B. Jack Nicklaus Q3.. everyone in the empire was forbidden to dine with his family. Cacography Bad spelling or handwriting. Ben Hogan D.000 of them contracted malaria and yellow fever. Who holds the record for the most points scored in an NRL game? A. Daniel Halagahu D. Use these for your next date! You were already going to fail anyway. it was the sanest choice. was the only thing that measured up. We neglected to mention that poi is in fact run on campus! SURCAS run training in poi. Al Baxter C. You can catch them on the Sunken lawns Mondays 12 – 2pm.7 extra Caption Competition. The penalty for transgression was death. Darlington. Luke Burt Q4. Stranger than Fiction? Did you know? ??? Roman Emperor Caligula was so upset by the death of his sister Drusila that he imposed a year of mourning. C. Andrew Flintoff C. and other circus arts. Terminator 2: Judgement Day www. Darryl Halligan B. In an insane world. The terminator wouldn’t stop. Sam Snead B. Jason Taylor C.au Last edition’s winner: Alex Giudice “Sew. this machine. Cucking-stool An instrument of punishment consisting of a chair in which offenders were ducked in water.com THE BULL / ed. The winner will be announced in the next edition. Which golfer currently tops the list of PGA Tour wins? A. Of all the would-be fathers that came over the years. laugh or take a bath. Word of mouth “Watching John with the machine. Who has won the most Laureus awards? A. It would never hurt him or shout at him or get drunk and hit him or say it was too busy to spend time with him. anyone for donuts?” Trivia Sports Q1. Who was the top wicket taker in the 2009 Ashes series? A. Did you know: Access Card holders can get 20% off Travel and selected Non-Fiction Titles. Stuart Broad B. Tiger Woods. it was suddenly so clear. Michael Schumacher C. Tom Carter Q2.
Wentworth All are welcome. Manning The Decks 4-6pm.000 Clubs & Societies Party Night Hermann’s Bar Clubs and societies come out to shine. Wednesday 28 April 2010 Kirby Cup . Poker 5-7pm. com for further information. Secretary. Ground Floor Bar/ Manning Forecourt Beats at lunchtime! Sydney Uni Markets 11am . The Loggia Manning A morning that you can fill with hundreds and thousands of writing ideas. Vegetarian Society Lunches 12-2pm. This shouldn’t be too difficult to understand. Manning Nothing better than a chilled lunchtime acoustic set. from members to anyone interested in knowing more! ed. See.000 Anime Screening 1-2pm.1st Heats 10am-4pm.000 Pool Comp 4-6pm. Manning Bar Inspiration and innovation.3pm. Food Co-op Weekly Meeting 5-6pm. Korean language and Bible Study Class. Holme Reading & Common Room Your gift of the gab could WIN you $1. WEEK 9 Monday 3 May Meditation Session 12-1pm. International Student Lounge Show us your skills with a pool cue. this time at Hermann’s. Manning Bar Trivia at Manning. Sydney Uni Bushwalkers AGM 7-9pm. Holme Reading Room Guided group meditation. Manning Bar Well. Level 4. Weekend Warm-up 4-6pm. not complicated after all. Tuesday 4 May Kirby Cup . vicePresidents. Holme Building Re-elect the President. Holme Common Room Discussion of feminist manifestos with Dr Natalya Lusty. Lecture Room 3.usuonline. Manning Bar Get your cube on! Wednesdays Acoustic Session 1-2pm. Holme Reading & Common Room Your gift of the gab could WIN you $1. Gender Studies Lecturer. Thursday 29 April 2010 Kirby Cup . Wasabi AGM 5-7pm. Manning Bar Found something funny.8 what's on WEEKLY REGULARS Mondays The Wonderful World of the Internet 1-2pm. SUSO presents ¡Olé! 8-10pm. Beginners welcome! Tuesday Tunes 1-2pm. Friday 30 April 2010 Sci Revue Fairy Bread Friday 10am – 12pm. Indonesian Student Association AGM 5-7pm.1st Heats 10am-4pm. Hermann’s Bar Project 52 showcases the best of Sydney University’s comedy. Project 52 Comedy 8-10pm.Has anything changed? Clubs & Societies Night Manning Bar Clubs and societies come out to shine. Merewether Courtyard Election and re-election of executives.usyd@gmail. 3 / THE BULL www.Copenhagen and Earth Day .Representations of ethnicity and culture . Merewether Please email ecosoc. Manning Lawns Delicious all you can eat lunches. Meant to be together. Treasurer.1st Heats 10am-4pm. Manning Balcony Burgers and music. SU Knitting Society AGM 4-5pm. interesting or weird on the internet recently? WEEK 8 Tuesday 27 April 2010 Kirby Cup . and you should be getting ready. Manning Bar The best in student improv comedy.000 IYF Culture Dance. Manning Bar Balcony It’s the end of the week. Rock Ya Balls Bingo 5-6pm. Manning Balcony Relax on the Manning Balcony with a few friends to the sounds.com . Wentworth Level 4 Annual General Meeting Thursdays Theatresports® 1-2pm. Go and learn something. what else were we suppose to call it? Culture Queens 1-2pm. Holme Reading & Common Room Your gift of the gab could WIN you $1. Trivia 5-6pm. Hermann’s Bar Trivia. Hermann’s Bar Live jazz brought to you by the very talented musicians. Holme Reading & Common Room Your gift of the gab could WIN you $1. BBQ Beats 1-2pm. Sunset Jazz 5-7pm. Fridays Trivia 5-6pm. Tuesdays Tuesday Talks 1-2pm. ECOSOC General Meeting 5-6pm. JFR Plaza Have a browse. Holme Common Room Come for a free dance.4pm. The Great Hall The Sydney University Symphony Orchestra presents ¡Olé!. Hermann’s Bar The chips are down. grab something to eat or snatch up a bargain at the Sydney Uni Markets. Holme Reading Room Super slide night/ AGM.1st Heats 10am-4pm. 30 March . $5 for members CubeSoc Weekly Socials 5-7pm. a celebration of Spanish music. Korean Class and Bible Study 2pm . Margaret Telfer.Cronulla riots and Melbourne Indian attacks: Lessons learned 13 April .Stuff white people like 20 April . Architecture LT3 Durarara. Or you could just go there for the food. Anything from skits to voiceovers.
3pm. Old Darlington School All woodwind. Culture Queens 1-2pm. Manning Bar Every week another game. Engineering Lawns Delicious all you can eat lunches. CubeSoc Weekly Socials 5-7pm. Cultural Studies Lecturer. Manning Bar Get your cube on! Culture Queens 1-2pm. Australian Funk & Soul royalty The Bamboos are hitting the road again. Beginners welcome! Games @ Manning! 2-4pm. Holme Reading & Common Room Your gift of the gab could WIN you $1. TORTOISE 8 May 8pm. a different console.com and click the ‘What’s On’ calendar. Holme Common Room Come along to our regular writing workshops for the Education and Social Work Revue. DAN SULTAN 21 May 8pm. Sydney Uni Markets 11am . KEEP UP TO DATE! To see the FULL list of events. Into the Joy of Spring. GIGS. JFR Plaza Have a browse. Wentworth Level 4 Friday: Mitch’s Breaking Friday 14 May Soulxpress Workshops/ Jam Sessions www. Star Wars. Tests and Summoned Creatures (Baka to test to Shokanjuu).. Holme Reading Room Guided group meditation. and evolution 6. grab something to eat or snatch up a bargain at the Sydney Uni Markets. Hermann’s Bar Hearty discussions on Political Economy. JFR Plaza Have a browse. Manning Are you looking forward to practicing your Spanish skills regardless of your level? This is the right place to come! WEEK 11 Monday 17 May Vegetarian Society Lunches 12-2pm. SUWO Weekly Rehearsal 5:30-8:30 pm. Manning Bar Starting the new year off with a bang including performances at Falls Festival. The Loggia. Holme Reading Room Friday 21 May Soulxpress Workshops/ Jam Sessions 4-6pm.1st Heats 10am-4pm. $5 for members. grab something to eat or snatch up a bargain at the Sydney Uni Markets. Friday 7 May Soulxpress Workshops/ Jam Sessions 4-6pm.000 Spanish Conversation Sessions 4-6pm. nuns and lay people) give talks on Buddhist topics and perspectives. Meditation Session 12-1pm. Wentworth Level 4 Friday:Mitch’s Breaking Anime Screening 1-2pm.000 Wednesday 12 May USU ELECTION DAY Russoc Weekly Drinks 5-7pm.8pm. Thursday 20 May SUWO Weekly Rehearsal 5:30-8:30 pm.9 Russoc Weekly Drinks 5-7pm. Carslaw LT375 The idiot. jump onto www. Tuesday 18 May Food Co-op Weekly Meeting 5-6pm. THE BAMBOOS 7 May 8pm. Refectory. Games @ Manning! 2-4pm. 3 . Manning Bar The Russellian Society holds drinks every Tuesday for Sydney University Philosophers Renowned speakers (including monks. Manning Bar Dan Sultan continues to shine as the music industry takes a keen interest in the progress of this man and his band. SUWO Weekly Rehearsal 5:30-8:30 pm. Old Darlington School Repertoire to include Jupiter (Holst). Wentworth Level 4 Friday:Mitch’s Breaking Wednesday 5 May Kirby Cup . Manning Bar Post-rock giants TORTOISE return to Australia this May their first appearance on our shores in over five (5) years. If you’re a C&S Exec with an event you want to get out there fill out the online form by clicking the ‘Submit your Event’ button. Manning Bar Every week another game. Level 4. Days Like This!. 4-6pm. Chemistry LT2 From Me to You (Kimi ni Todoke) + Random series. Manning Lawns Delicious all you can eat lunches. Sutekh brings you Video games in the bar. Speleological Society AGM 7:30 pm. Manning Bar The Russellian Society holds drinks every Tuesday for Sydney University Philosophers Anime Screening 1-2pm. from members to anyone interested in knowing more! ECOPSoc Weekly Drinks 5-7pm.3pm.usuonline. Holme Reading & Common Room Your gift of the gab could WIN you $1. Russoc: Philosophy. rightly. Tuesday 11 May Writing Workshop 10am-12pm. Holme Common Room St Trinians Thursday 13 May Vegetarian Society Lunches 12-2pm.1st Heats 10am-4pm. a different console. Womadelaide and headlining St Kilda Festival. Thursday 6 May Kirby Cup . Holme Common Room Come along to the society’s annual general meeting to elect a new committee. Wednesday 19 May Sydney Uni Markets 11am . Sutekh brings you Video games in the bar. psychology. Wentworth All are welcome.. Old Darlington School All woodwind. usuonline. Holme Common Room Interview with Jane Park.com THE BULL / ed. Wicked and more! WEEK 10 Monday 10 May Dharma Talk 1-2pm. wrongly. brass & percussion players are welcomed. brass & percussion players are welcomed. or. $5 for members. Holme The genetic/psychological/ scientific benefit to human beings believing in “Spirituality”.
so to speak. It is therefore unlikely to solve one’s own problems when it comes to landing that elusive A ttraction and attractiveness seems at once a very certain and a very arbitrary phenomenon. it is near impossible. however. and perhaps on par with this are experiments with results that are statistically significant.com .usuonline. penises and vaginas. Each of us can name many individuals whom we find attractive.10 THE RULES OF ATTRACTION Patrick Effeney wonders if there are any rules to the game that everyone can play. Evolutionary theory would dictate that people would be attracted to partners who would be effective in ed. and much ink has been spilled over it. ever increasing research in human endocrinology and biology that leads to some useful results. however. now. however. EVOLUTION Many of the things that we see in the animal kingdom we attribute to evolution. Dealing with prospective partners on an individual basis is easy and effective enough for average Joe and Jane to continue on their merry way. When we attempt to use all of this information to create some kind of system of attractiveness. as well as make value judgements on the spot about the attractiveness of a complete stranger. On a personal level attraction can seem completely arbitrary. as well as a plethora of psychology experiments. The science of attraction is cutting edge stuff and intensely debated by the experts. is not so common. Peer reviewed work is even less common. Agreement among scholars. It may. opposable thumbs. however. 3 / THE BULL www. There is. crystallise the things that you are looking for. but the accuracy and testability of these principles is often questionable. without giving a second thought to having a systematised approach to wooing. or just make you shake your head in disgust. retractable claws. That’s not to say general principles haven’t been formulated. The slow perfection of a being over time has led to such developments as webbed feet. Attraction has been the field of social psychologists for a while fish.
HYPOTHESIS As someone who believes that each girl’s prince charming is really out there. who’s faced lust. distinctly unlike the Macho male. and there is a lot to be said for each. just is. live life and have some fun. “It is a waste of a male’s time to fertilise a woman who can’t provide for the young. girls were smitten by this perfect youth. Breast size is another outward sign of fertility. your average Sheila. Nonetheless. the brink of love. than going through life not knowing. we feel various abstract emotions such as lust. Bulging muscles. he told me to quote his 1986 article ‘Fitness Fallacies’: “In our modern society. men like big boobs. With her own share of heartaches Daisy advises: ‘basing one’s own happiness on the activity of another human being will prove [to be] futile and disappointing. Large breasts are an outward indication to a male that the woman can provide adequate resources for the baby.’ Prince Charming The lineage of attraction continues as Newton’s third law of physics starts to become comprehensible to us non-nerds. A complete opposite of Cinderella. and whilst never having felt love.. 1 Likes: Girls ith each relationship. This explanation is only aimed at reconciling physical attractiveness with evolutionary reasoning. that even Orlando Bloom couldn’t resist. because when it’s opened the pages may read contrary to your expectations. passing on their genes. snotty noses are hot. Plain Jane Representing the majority of the female population is Sienna. each interviewee will harbour homogenous convictions to my own. Males. he holds his heart in a conventional box.” said Prof. in fact. and obviously looked past her reportedly large nose. Many would say that youth would be an obvious indicator of fertility. evolutionarily.. Daisy is certainly not the type of girl to wear her heart on her sleeve. Prof. I hypothesize that. After a long chat with Richard about what evolution offers us in terms of systematising attractiveness. and beauties such as Marilyn Monroe and Jessica Alba have been found to correspond with this figure.’ CONCLUSION With my romantic fantasy shattered. Thus. Alisha Bhojwani investigates. Although he’s found ‘the one. FEMALES Prof. With curiosity as my incentive I became a true reporter. HELEN OF TROY Circa 1200 BC Across both Greece and Rome.. dunno why. it’d be better experiencing it. Agreeing with Lord Tennyson. [since his] dreams [would be] shattered if it was lost. He’s our real–life. Finding clichés and Disney movies unrealistic. Males are looking for females who will bear them healthy children. rippling abs and curly locks. Changes in gender roles have meant the attractiveness models of ‘the hunter’ and ‘the nurturer’ cannot necessarily be socially applied. RESULTS The Player When Jasper meets a girl and attraction occurs. true to the character Hollywood writes. She was so beautiful. love. This means. sex is not only for pleasure. In the meantime. Surprised at the different views each person seemed to follow. he truly was the man of their dreams. heartache and break. despite differing experiences. This is rather bleak if we’re looking for sure-fire ways to score. My experiment left me to conclude that people will leave you surprised. but there are some interesting points that he made along the way. regardless of how modern his actions prove to be. Who is your ideal partner? Why? It’s a toss up between Joan Rivers. CLEOPATRA 69 BC . Steve: Prince Charming. are unwilling to provide resources for children that are not their own. This means that men are looking for the most fertile women.’ or so he claims. ignoring the rules of personal space as I sought out diverse entities to be a part of my experiment.’ Cynical Realist Wth her copy of The Rules as her bible. that it is likely that female is not already pregnant with another man’s child. Whilst he claims to be ‘still in the search for the right girl’ he’s not one to ‘pass up an opportunity’ to come his way. ADONIS UNKNOWN This ancient beauty had her share of powerful men. Apparently it is attractive. he’d rather ‘never experience love. having realized that not everyone holds the same perspective when it comes to their heart my hypothesis was proven wrong. girls and basic biology were the three main topics of our conversation. *names have been changed to avoid the interviewer being stoned to death.” Translation: Neither being rich or being hot guarantees bedroom success. Each interviewee in their own way inclined that if heart break is on the cards then they wanted to experience that pain with someone who made it worth it. Steve is the figure behind all romantic A HISTORY OF DREAMBOATS Most people know of the face that launched a thousand ships.” WHR 0. Don’t judge a book by its cover. there was a common thread. and outward signs of fertility are relatively easy to pinpoint. for the man. intimacy becomes the focal point of his relationship with her. The Waist-hip ratio has a big impact on males. the one must still be out there. Professor Richard Wassersug is a Sexologist currently visiting La Trobe University from Dalhousie University.’ each word hinted with caution.IS IT REALLY BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST THEN NEVER TO HAVE LOVED AT ALL? Most attractive part of the human body? Why? Arse. Daisy plays the ‘game’ well and questions whether real love can exist between teenagers.7 is reportedly the ideal. “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction” Substitute the bold with people and there’s Steve. Daisy: Cynical Realist. she pities those girls who believe their knight in shining armour is yet to arrive and whisk them off their feet. his Alpha-Male image crumbles away as he admits: ‘with over 7 billion people in the world. comedy scripts. but for a different reason. Wassersug. MATERIALS* Jaz & Ray: Practically Married Sienna: Single gal. Matt: Average Joe. neither physical or fiscal fitness forecasts fecundity. But whether those experiences alter people completely or leave them unchanged is uncertain. rejection and even a few heart aches in her time. Ringo Starr and Amy Winehouse. Boys. she remains optimistic and has decided ‘not [to] seek out love and let it come to you. Caesar and Marc Antony both succumbed to her charms. Jasper: The Opportunist. Wassersug said that: “Women with the ideal waste-hip ratio are proven to be more fertile than those without it. After all. Wassersug said that the underlying principle behind female attractiveness is how successful she will be in producing children. W ARRAN Medicine. For Jasper.. Ever been turned on by someone else’s body odour? Not their natural one! Have you ever found your partner’s immune system plays a part in your attraction? Mmm. I found that regardless of the conflicting principles whether love was a sentiment better experienced. no game-playing Prince Charming. Ever wondered why virgins are and have been so valued? Virginal females are attractive to males because it shows they are not likely to have had kids.
space between the eyes etc. due to the “diverse presumptions on their ability to provide resources. Ever been turned on by someone else’s body odour? No. AGRIPPINA THE YOUNGER 15 AD This guy had six wives. A modern woman also looks for conspicuous signs of FUTURE LOVE Alissa Nasti asks: where to from here? I think it was Jane Austen who wrote. it leaves a chemical mark on you. proven that pheromones assist in attracting mates. kind. In hindsight. Not only do men have to provide these resources. on this occasion females. It was found that the males with the major histocompatibility complex that differed most from the smeller were the most attractive. let’s say that a MHC is the part of the human genome that deals with our immune system. Chemically. Wassersug said: “if we take the evolutionary hunter and transpose it into modern society. testing is the problem. Thus. facial alignment and proportionality (how far the chin has to be from the forehead. So. There is also strong evidence that some links remain in humans. I don’t know. Obviously there are factors that have been neglected in this examination. After smelling the t-shirts. Based on some recent and startling developments in the field of looking hot. beyond most doubt. Teen Wolf style. I’ve come up with a few tentative predictions about how we’ll all be styling ourselves in decades to come. but which male has the most resources to put a roof over their head. What’s a major histocompatibility complex (MHC)? For simplicity’s sake. MALES Professor Wassersug explained that an evolutionarily attractive man is one that can bring home the most resources. When it comes to humans. and you become resistant to that disease.” Or maybe that was Gandhi. any more than the parachute pants and pacifier necklaces of nineties screamed ‘sober’. Height (a man. however. because they could bring back the most protein. another emperor. the emperor Nero. which one customer on the site amusingly and worryingly describes as “like Viagra for my lashes!” of a negative pheromone system. the women were asked which males (or which shirts) they were most attracted to.” Again. right?! Similar products have flooded the market. The point is. as well as for protection.” “There are also interesting connections between our smell and our immune systems. funny. “It’s a truth universally acknowledged that one decade’s hot is another one’s fugly. She also is reported to have had an incestuous relationship with her brother Caligula. a woman can determine what his immune system is like compared to her own. however. caring. we see that what we mean by resources has changed. however. this test is supposed to show that through a male’s scent. we avoid incest. Have you ever found your partner’s immune system plays a part in your attraction? No.1 times the height of the female). Now. though. Modern women. if they do indeed exist. making her de facto ruler of Rome. the alpha male who’s trying to fertilise every woman he sees may not be as attractive to some women as to others. All of these chemical interactions. This has not been substantiated by any experiments.12 ELISSA Medicine. Perhaps living proof that looks aren’t everything. Theories have been thrown around relating to a man’s ‘musk’ and its effect on women. 1 Likes: Boys wealth. and she will look elsewhere if she has to. If you eat something that makes you sick. Spicy. should be 1. the poodle perms and mullets of the eighties didn’t exactly scream ‘class’. but beauty is pain.” Big muscles can be attractive to women because of the traditional reason of hunting. because it shows people’s emotions. Who is your ideal partner? Why? My boyfriend – smart. We find people with an immune system dissimilar to our own attractive because it would be beneficial for our offspring to have a greater resistance to more diseases. ideally. The future of beauty and attractiveness is unpredictable at best and terrifying at worst. as this means the offspring will have a good immune system. Ten thousand years ago. The presence of pheromones in humans is a topic that has scientists a little bit miffed. “Humans have a very long pre-pubescent stage. however. it makes sense for us to mate with the person with the MHC least like our own. According to the list of side effects. We do. For this reason a female needs a committed male. BIOLOGY Maybe you already knew all that. Rank these people in attractiveness: Joan Rivers: 3 Ringo Starr: 1 Amy Winehouse: 2 thus the value of virginity and the attractiveness of youth. You apply it to your eyelashes to make them grow thicker and longer. things have changed a little. Biology is a field of research that you may not be so familiar with.) and the menstrual cycle all play key roles in attractiveness for both men and women. Evolutionarily. this meant that the most attractive males were the best hunters. Prof. statistically significant or peer reviewed. EYELASH SHAVING Latisse is a serum that has recently been released in the US. including LiLash. The importance now isn’t how many kangaroos a male can bring back.” NB. meaning there’s a long time before a child can protect itself. know that we have a sort Most attractive part of the human body? Why? Smile. but they also have to be committed to using them for the woman and their children. loves musicals. Professor Wassersug had this to say on the topic of pheremones: “ We’ve known for a long time that mammals have a reproductive season. and power is very attractive. Some believe that a man’s armpit is what releases the pheromones and females can react either positively or negatively to that. were given a set of sweaty t-shirts. HENRY VIII OF ENGLAND 1491 AD His abilities are held in such high regard that “Casanova” has become the colloquial term for a womaniser. What more do we need to know? GIACOMO CASANOVA 1725 AD . Evidence of this has been found and. Many people may have heard of the test conducted by Claude Wedekind in which a group of test subjects. because an attractive man is one who can provide her with both protection and resources for her children. and that they chemically interact with one another.” Outward signs of this ability range from success in the workplace to physical factors. occur on a subconscious level. on a string. as it all seems fairly straightforward. realise that hunting is no longer just killing animals. Had her son. what seems attractive at the time always looks completely hideous twenty or so years down the track. it may also cause your eyes to melt and lashes to grow on your cheek bones. Anyone who had six wives had to be attractive in some way. Almost every other mammal on earth communicates via chemical signals. almost no study is conclusive.
J. Sometimes. throughout their menstrual cycle. smart. that time was the sixties. All I’m going to say is. Paul McCartney is still alive! THE BEATLES 1960 AD: THE BEATLES WHO KNOWS? RIGHT NOW You see them in the news every day. The effects of this hormone are currently under investigation. two things that. In fact. Sound promising? Or is it all too much? Similar tests have been conducted. Wassersug was quick to say: “we have to remember that sex evolved long before we evolved parts of the brain that are conscious. Make up your own damn mind. Menopausal women often find men with softer. smart. Have you ever found your partner’s immune system plays a part in your attraction? Yes – sickly people aren’t as much fun. The goal of this piece. Youth is obviously another factor. and although it seems a rather unsatisfactory conclusion. To my mind Swarovski crystals and vaginas don’t immediately mix. snail trail . it seems only to reinforce how out of our own hands. it will be considered attractive to shave all our eyebeards off and go bald. Prof. and presumably that’s why makeup has been around since Roman times. When we are asked to say why we think someone is attractive. unfortunately. The contexts. These results imply that at least some of the reason behind us finding certain people attractive is subconscious. but that’s understandable. but a man who is most likely to dedicate resources to looking after her child. like beards only on our eyes. It is a hormone produced by the pituitary gland humans that has been shown to spike during times of sexual arousal. Hot ones turn me on. leg and arm hair. E. unless you want to pay for a new body. My prediction is that in twenty years time. nerdy and somehow a bit awkward tutors that really turn you on are there left on earth? Eight? E: RAIN – Cute. We have a lot of contextual evidence. and had a flick through the photos. It will be like Dr. It certainly would Body odour? G. You heard it here first. not mine). just as the Brazilian wax became popular as a backlash to years of uninhibited crotch growth. and the Beatles were about as attractive as it came. Thus. I don’t know when it became attractive for guys to have less hair on their chest. was to find out which cologne or perfumes will the make the person of your dreams go mad. and in the eye of the beholder. J. Yes Immune system? G: Yes. Ever been turned on by someone else’s body odour? Yes. they didn’t even have to see the people they were judging before they knew whether or not they found them attractive. In the case of the sweaty t-shirts. If a woman is looking after a child. so we’ll start calling them eyebeards instead of eyelashes. E: Eyes A blue eyed. 1 Likes: Girls Most attractive part of the human body? Why? The smile – it conveys authenticity and disposition. That is if they haven’t had it yet. Body Part? G: Fingers. Oxytocin is another biological phenomenon that little is known about. because of all this undue attention. but they work the ‘wounded wing’ angle Who is your ideal partner? Why? A dog – they never let you down Rank these people in attractiveness: Joan Rivers: 1 Ringo Starr: 2 Amy Winehouse: 3 VAJAZZLING Jennifer Love Hewitt is arguably known for being attractive – at least. so my prediction is that in the future it will be considered totally hot for guys to shave every single hair off their bodies.” In terms of finding the golden egg of how to be more attractive. have been interesting when they introduced them face to face. it does play a significant role. One thing’s for sure though. and false adhesive eyelashes. GISELLE Arts. COMPLETELY HAIRLESS MEN I happened across a copy of Cleo Magazine’s 50 Most Eligible Bachelors issue the other day. For all those ladies out there. girl knows your already immune to mumps. and it will all be totally acceptable and respectable. previously the domain of drag queens and Jeannie Little. Boys are shallow. although it is an exploding field of research. past the physically obvious factors. including their head hair. well spoken. attraction truly is. humans just like the cut of another person’s jib. and similar results have been produced. more feminine features attractive where before they may have been more attracted to testosterone fueled gym junkies. E: Of course. they like big boobs and a good waist-to-hip ratio.and of course their eyebeards. there is probably nothing that you don’t already know in here. Manhattan only less blue and. Wassersug about the issue of research he said: “the problem is the lack of controlled studies. legs and crotch than I do. pubic hair. it is often difficult to pinpoint. eye brows. generally she seeks the most macho looking man so she can be fertilized. they might be more likely to go out with you. When a female is ovulating. it’s not this guy. You see them in those men and women’s magazines you don’t read. So I got worried when she recently declared she “vajazzles her vajayjay” (her words. but the point to take from it is that attractiveness and sexual arousal is not all conscious. this article is a complete failure. Anyway. unfortunately there just aren’t that many to be made yet. less well-endowed.” CONCLUSIONS When I asked Prof. blonde haired actor who was every boy of her era’s wet dream. For the boys. 3 Likes: Boys EMIL Arts and Sci Likes: Girls Ideal partner? G: E. it seems that they don’t even have to wear cologne. find different males attractive at different times. two things men are guaranteed to find hot no matter the decade. The reminder that a lot of the work done in attraction is subconscious is another important point. Livesey – I mean how many cute. Could her look ever go out of fashion? We don’t think so. go back in time and sort that shit out. aren’t controllable. not mine) with various crystals and fake tattoos and scratch n’ sniff stickers and going sans bikini bottom at the beach. . anyone?). but that’s what they said about The Simpsons and pornography and look how that turned out! Anyway my prediction is instead of Brazilians or bikini waxes girls will soon be decorating their “precious ladies” (again. originally. Another interesting biological discovery is that women. are now ubiquitous at makeup counters everywhere. Hew’s words. There are even vitamins designed to make your lashes grow stronger and thicker. Yes. and has been formulated into a nasal spray (AMI. this is a trend that unfortunately my sartorially inclined divination skills can’t see going away any time soon. because if a SAM Medicine. placebo affect and cultural expectations associated with attractiveness make it a difficult area to study. but blinded testing is very difficult.13 Eyelash extensions are also becoming rapidly more mainstream and affordable (if you’re willing to sew hair on to your eyes).Lo. but Doc needs to fire up the DeLorean. it is not necessarily the most macho looking man who she will find most attractive. our lashes will be longer than our chins and the hair will be so thick and coarse we’ll have to shave them every morning. MARILYN MONROE 1950 AD Did you know that bowl cuts were once in fashion for people who weren’t under ten years old? Well. It has also been shown to improve bonding in humans. For the ladies. she has long shiny hair and large boobs.
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