Covert Emotional Abuse-Frame Control

Frame Control
Frame control is the invisible context upon which a social interaction is built, and the person with the strongest frame is likely to have the most leverage in the social interaction. Emotional abusers love "frames". For instance, an emotionally abusive mother or father will use their entitlement as a parent to give them leverage over their children: "I am your mother..." "Don't talk to your mother that way..." Men who are the bread winners also establish "frames" to make themselves look right all the time: "I pay the bills here..." (sets the frame he is the provider, and as such you cannot argue with him, and that your needs are not as important as his). Emotionally abusive boyfriends or girlfriends set these "frames"... "I'm your girlfriend..." "You can't do that for your man..." Etc. These "frames" will always be there, and you will notice them using them. A powerful frame does not make the person right; it just makes them appear right. Thus, they are more difficult to argue with and oppose, are more easily right in the eyes of other people-and so those with the strongest frame can establish the advantage of getting others on their side easily. Nine times out of ten, the one on the receiving end has been jammed in the social interactions with the emotional abuser with a lesser frame. Another example: "My boss told me..." (the NPD boss is the boss, right. So, he has a powerful Frame from the beginning, making it easy for him to abuse, de-value, etc).

Frame Wars
A mother uses this frame on her son: "Is this how you're going to talk to your mother..." The son/daughter reverse the frame:

. Frames set up above were: 1) Mother 2) Role Model 3) Hard Worker The result: These frames assist in making the words and statements the emotional abuser makes more credible. don't you understand that? You're triggering me right now.. It hasn't been easy to keep a full time job and raise you at the same time"...why are you doing this?" Power Word That Becomes A "Frame" Through Which The Social Interactions Will Be Interpreted: Suicide Accusative Phrases: "Your triggering me right now.. I have done my best to provide for you and be a good role model for you.. Hot Words As Power Frames: "I tried to commit suicide. Example: "I am your mother.. creating an even more powerful illusion of their supremacy over the person whom they are abusing and controlling." Stacked Frames Emotional abuser "stacks" frames one on top of the other.." is/can be reversed with: "I am supposed to be your husband." "Why are you doing this." Result: ."Do you think this is how you should treat your son/daughter?" A girlfriend or spouse: "I am supposed to be your wife...

frame control has been established by the emotional abuser. but it can also be used to de-value." "He lives in a trailer. that you will drive the emotional abuser into another suicide attempt... is a contrast frame that establishes an indirect comparison.By mentioning a past event (suicide). can set up "value". Or I could just say. we have 'occupation' that set up frame control: "He is a doctor..." (sets the frame where the lawyer is in an elevated position within that set of social interactions. then I will kill myself". Also. and by layering a sensitive event that happened in the past with accusations pertinent in the present. Non Verbal Frames Beauty Social Value Rich Nice car Good job Also.. Thus. An example is as follows: "You work at a gas station. "Please stop talking about that because I'm suicidal" to anyone who says anything I don't like." "She is a waitress and I'm a lawyer. obviously. "emotional blackmail": "If you leave me. it is "presupposed" that if you don't STFU.. This is also a common occurrence.. and is often entitled.. "STFU" by the emotional abuser... it is through this fear the emotional abuser can use victim tactics to control you with.). Furthermore. (also make note of "if"="then" language construct). the emotional abuser gains leverage over the present social interaction because she/he illicit immediate sympathy-even though this is an historic event. ." "I am a lawyer. This can simply be a manipulative way of saying." Frame Control...

get a woman. they are trying to test your mettle. but intractable. Just sharing a quick story. because most guys will roll over and give in to her whims.5 looks).) I do find it rather ironic that women spend so much time trying to turn us into wusses they then don’t find attractive. She wants to know what you are made of. It’s about controlling the frame of the encounter. I just bust on her whenever she attempts to make me her Drooling Subservient Wuss Slave. Attractive women are used to wrapping men around their little finger and having their way with them. Got the DVDs. Are you really independent and in control of your own frame. is what creates attraction in her. Nuff said. The point is subtle. let me think… Her: i dont know Her: maybe mean isnt the word i am looking for Her: i think it’s more that you do not adore me as much as others and that annoys me Translation: Obviously I don’t really annoy her…or she wouldn’t be turning down other men for me (she’s an 8. or are you putting on an act. When they test you and act petulant when you don’t kowtow to their every command. No longer a wuss. They don’t really mean “mean” however. They are accustomed to being in control. so how am I being mean again? Her: um.Frame Control: Another pearl of wisdom from David DeAngelo You know you’re doing something right when women say “you’re mean” and slug you in the shoulder. despite their protestations. (Be a man. .The below is an excerpt from one of David DeAngelo’s newsletters: ***COMMENT*** Dave. but it’s made a difference for me more than once: (over instant messenger) Me: ok. It’s not like us men go around trying to make supermodels eat ice cream and wear moo-moo dresses… M Chicago >>>MY COMMENTS: Man oh man… you’ve opened up a can of worms here. Got the book. Demonstrating that you are not to be commanded.

By the way. And when you challenge women on this point. as well… because women are usually feeling ATTRACTED to you at the same time they’re saying these things. what’s wrong with a super model in a moo-moo eating ice cream? Just think of it… No more shopping at Bloomies for Chanel Hydrabase Lipstick in “Beige Mythique” for $22. A woman will test and challenge a man over and over. This is a paradox.I’ll try to keep this short. they’re trying to see if we actually ARE wusses. Get a drink for this one. etc.00… No more “Venti Skinny Two-Pumps-Of-Sugar-FreeVanilla Half-Decaf” lattes… . you are well on your way to learning to use The Force. This has been going on since the first human-like woman looked at the first human-like man and hinted that if he was interested in making babies that he’d better bring home some meat for her… Women aren’t TRYING to turn us into Wusses… on the contrary. virtually on a continual basis… just to see if he’s going to “crack” and reveal his Inner Wuss. and just PRETENDING not to be. When you stop chasing after and kissing up to women. Get it? When you realize this SUBTLE distinction. but I can already tell that I’m going to be rambling. you will OFTEN hear things like “you’re being mean” and “I’m upset. you’ll find the REAL reason: Women get upset when they don’t have CONTROL of a situation. and I don’t know why”. You have brought up a really important (and subtle) point about how women behave around men. We need to talk.

but stand by me and you will always have the vaunted position of first lady in my harem”. but it would be painfully obvious to her that one of the two thing’s I’d said was patently untrue. While brutal honesty in relationships may be called mean by some. asked whether I would ever get married. These guys have it all backwards. no nothing… and a chocolate mousse”… “Moo moos and ice cream” is the way. Here’s what I would like to hear from you. You will get better results and your women will be moist with lust for you when they detect the steel of your resolve. Lack of consistency belies your hidden doubt. She was obviously fishing for evidence that I would become pliant to her wishes and gauging my reaction. to drop this charade in your private life. mumbling “Well see how it goes” or abandoning their manhood entirely and vowing their undying affection and heartfelt desire to stride wantonly down the aisle. and the women you date. or your frame. Did she throw me out? Scream. to the realm of unshakable reality. and would be cautious in all things so as not to screw up a good thing. no croutons. you take it beyond the level of a manipulative game. While you may rein it in a little in the workplace or other social occasions to foster harmony and keep your job. independence and unshakable frame that creates her attraction in the first place. Now most guys with minimal understanding of what creates attraction wouldn’t think of saying something like this to a woman whom they were attracted to. For those of you recovering wussies who haven’t tried challenging women go out on the town or to your wife and try this and report back here with the result. Your reality. Jeffy on ‘ How to Improve on Frame Control. knowing my generally negative outlook on marriage. Do you have an experience like this to share? What successes have you with frame control and how did you do it. If you do this. One must be unabashedly raw and straightforward if one is to maintain control of the frame. despite their reservations. must be sincere to be powerful. would give some sort of cop-out response. I look forward to hearing your field reports. Most of the fella’s regardless of their real opinion. because it lacks the veneer of social niceties. you owe it to yourself. Kino. it engenders potent respect from those you encounter precisely because it is so rare. not only would I be inconsistent with my own beliefs. she punched me playfully in the shoulder and said “You’re awful” and then proceeded to put out that night and see me for several years thereafter. it is precisely your irreverence. Had I hemmed and hawed and gone back on my position that marriage is a raw deal for guys. no dressing. I took a different tack.No more “I want a BABY GREEN salad. and Facial Expressi . cry or throw any other such tantrums? Nope. man. My response was this: “I think marriage as an institution is dead. A good example from my own past is when a woman who I was dating. thereby sabotaging my frame.

When seducing a woman. while you’re spitting your game. Many people have told me this. man. over time you’ll become congruent with them. I know that I have a habit of displaying boredom without realizing it. it’s equally important to keep moving things forward slowly but surely. which is slang for “kinesthetics”. and the strongest frame always wins. I’m gonna go through each of these one by one. and react accordingly. different things can take on different meanings. What’s funny is that because you interpreted it as a joke. If your frame is strong. when we talk about your “frame”. what we mean is the way you perceive things happening externally. but to everyone who heard it. not only to you. or funny. That means making a conscious effort to misinterpret everything that is said to you as being complimentary. You also mentioned “kino”. okay? First. it BECOMES one. That said. say someone makes an attempt to insult you. I’ve watched myself on video and noticed it. Frame control is one of the hardest things to learn. what’s the best way to develop frame control? That’s the thing: it has to be DEVELOPED. and have since tried to rectify it. aka touching. Frame control . Depending on your frame. For example. Once that contact’s been established. You have to make a conscious effort to keep a strong frame whenever you go out until it becomes a habit. how to improve on frame control. That means making a conscious effort to recognize when conversational threads are not working to your benefit. in small increments. Perception is reality. you might interpret it as a joke.What caught my attention about the article was the mention of facial expressions. This is CRUCIAL and most people don’t pay attention to it. until they become a natural part of your personality. and CUTTING THOSE THREADS OFF. As you force yourself to take on these behaviors. Improving Frame Control by Jeffy All right. it’s very important to establish physical contact early on in the interaction so that she doesn’t freak when you escalate things later on. You should always be upping the ante. so don’t beat yourself up too much for not having it down cold yet! Remember.

This is an attempt to slot you into their frame. This is really good too as you are doing two things defining her as attracted to you and then immediately disqualifying her . My father was a makeout whore and his before that. 2. her friends and AMOGs can all attempt to put you into their frames. Reframe the underlying meaning to her chasing you Ex" are you a player" PUA: You know your not gonna talk your way into my pants like that. whoever has the stronger frame/reality wins. It is extremely important to set the frame in the interaction. If she says yes I dismiss her saying that i know what those are like and they are trouble. Anyway (stack to next routine) This is good as you can quickly make the test looks stupid by agreeing and then taking her frame even farther until it is stupidly funny. EX: " Are you a player" PUA: Are you just a typical San Diego party girl? This shit test like the question are you a player is a double bind. In an interaction between two people. but the girl can just repeat the question until you say something if she really wants to be a pain. So what can you do? 1. Take for example the classic shit test "are you a player". If you say no you are defending yourself and look insecure. we must first have an understanding of frames. 4. You can ignore the comment entirely and plow forward with your specific personality conveying material. It's a great honor. During some sarges your frame will be pulled at from all angles. It is as David Deangelo likes to say your reality. 3. if she says no i tell her that's good becuz i am sick of those girls but she's probably not adventurous enough. You can reframe the quesion by agreeing and then taking the accusation to absurdity. This similiarly to the last one sets the her chasing you frame but this more off the . Meaning that either way she answers I am putting her in my frame. Reframe by shit testing her.What is frame control? To understand Frame control. Ex:" are you a player" PUA: Oh man you know what I saw today? (start routine) This is IMO the best way to hold your frame. 5. If you want me your gonna have to do some serious courting. This sets the frame that she wants you but cannot have you. Reframe by misinterpreting and then disqualifying Ex: " are you a player?" PUA: Oh my god you are attracted to me! It's too bad your not really my type. Double binds are awesome and we should at some point establish a master list of them. Ex: " are you a player" PUA: What is it about players you like so much? I actually am a card carrying member of the ancient order of makeout whores. A frame is the surrounding meaning of any interaction. if you say yes you are trying to look cool. The target. The weaker frame/reality is absorbed into the larger overall meaning set in the more powerful frame.

however it is a C&P line so it should not be used past A2. This lets her know that you will not take her hoops. Going completely illogical. one part humor with some illogic chick sense jumbling non sense thrown in. This works even if she disagrees because it is funny enough that she will laugh and by laughing she is subconsciously accepting our frame. This is like one part ignorance and one part reframing so that she is chasing. Especially if every time she puts a hoop up you say the same illogical thing. Ex " are you a player" PUA: " my friend eats lemons" ( stack to next routine) credit Jlaix One part ignorance .wall. 6. This is a part of ignoring except you go off the wall. it becomes call back humor while reinforcing your frame. .

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