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Kundalini Clarity by Anthony Wallace

Kundalini Clarity by Anthony Wallace

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Published by Coincidence Cafe
Journal of the lucid experience of Anthony Wallace in January 2013.
Journal of the lucid experience of Anthony Wallace in January 2013.

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Published by: Coincidence Cafe on Jan 17, 2013
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Kundalini Clarity, by Anthony Wallace

Jan 2013

Pg 1

K undalini C lari t y

By Anthony Wallace

Kundalini Clarity, by Anthony Wallace

Jan 2013

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PREFACE Oh man, the last couple days have been really... well, profound, but for once not all in a good way. I had a kundalini experience turn into having my musculoskeletal system used like a puppet. Started out as a very positive experience, then was pretty intense. Like being bullied by a force that came in, scanned my mind for old guilt issues, and showed me in no uncertain terms that there are other things out there. Yet, at the same time, the message seemed to be "do better". I mean, if I told the whole story, it would be so filled with paradoxes. I'm still processing this experience, and deciding what it means moving forward. The entire time, I knew I could (and did) take control of my head and limbs again, but if I went against the grain, so to speak, it was like moving through molasses. In essence, these beings (for there was a whole range of persona embedded in this contact) are presenting themselves as gods and devils throughout human history, and in actuality (they are saying...) that they represent the consciousness of individual stars and planets, and they all want to have their say. In the meantime, they are sort of learning about what it means to be human, WHY such an action would be considered threatening, the complexities of human love and other emotions, all along the way, through whatever humans they are contacting. So, they've backed off since then, because I took a stand about being forced to do anything (no matter how powerful they profess to be) so they've backed off quite a bit today. I can't shake the feeling that somehow this is some part of my higher self I'm pushed to integrate, and hopefully no one else will have as frightening a time as I did IF they choose to experience it this way. But all I can say is it was real, my body was acting as if my entire musculature was in a heaving peristalsis, and I kept being "dropped" like a rag doll and picked back up. Yet the force never became pain, and always stayed right on the edge just shy of physical discomfort. But it felt as if my arms, head and torso all had energetic hooks in them.

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I was just soul searching about discussing positive experiences and balancing them with the negative in a way that doesn't frighten people. I'm working on my journal entry right now about it, trying to sort through the experiences and the emotions.

INTRODUCTION Okay, here is what I just finished writing in my journal. As it was initially written TO me, there may be some bits that lack context and are referential to other things I've experienced, but I've tried to go back and restructure those bits to explain a little better. If anything remains confusing, please let me know and I'll be happy to expound.

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PART 1 On the night of the fifteenth (just after midnight), I was preparing for bed. I had just taken my nightly Indica, and had laid down to sleep next to my wife. While I was in repose, I began to feel ribbons of fleshy comfort snaking slowly through my body, a sensation I've come to know as the kundalini. This time it was much stronger, and more insistent, rolling forward and back through my abdomen and chest. And then my head started to gently rock back and forth, of its own accord. And at first the sensation is just gently ecstatic. The sensation from the top of my head was the warm, wet, almost orgasmic sensation I often feel with the kundalini, but this time, there is NO doubt at all that an outside influence is moving my muscles. Joyfully, I feel my body contract into the physiological sensation I experienced while lucid dreaming myself into the shape of a dragon. And this is such a joyful realization, because it's like I'm MEETING the actual dragon being that I BECAME in the dream, and it's communicating directly to me through feelings and literal muscle movements. I feel the spirit of Shahasrhalla, the cosmic dragon being, messenger of Alderbaran enter into me, BECOME me. And I'm so excited, because in my most powerful, waking, holographic dream experience, I had transformed into this being, and flown, AS a dragon, with my entire energy being
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reshaping itself to fit the illusion. And I'm wondering if this is this dream is fulfilled and I truly transform into a dragon in the 3d realm (this was a childhood wish of mine, particularly when bullied). But then I wonder if that's even a good idea, considering the reality of the consequences this might reap in the real world. And then I'm kind of thrown out of that personality, and then I hear the voice of what sounds like Reece Jones in my head, saying something like, "Hey mate. You found me. Don't forget about unconditional love. Remember unconditional love..." And before I can process the magnitude of what this means, my head is practically jerked over to the closet. Like a puppet. Internally, I ask if this is Azrael, for that was where I had believed I had first met this being, the angel of death, in a lucid dream version of my closet. And my head is pulled side to side. No. Not Azrael. And I suddenly remember that next door neighbor Wally had passed recently. Wally? I ask in my mind, not really expecting a positive response (just a shot in the dark). My head nods as if on a string. I realize that this isn't JUST Wally, but rather an oversoul of which both of us are part. I begin to ask about other beings that have had contact with me in the past (allegedly). The spirit of the Wallaces? Nod. Wallachia? Wales? Nod. Nod. WHALES? NOD. Dolphins? At this point my head is pulled back and up as far as it will go, and my energy body takes on the shape of a dolphin, sort of prying my energetic body from it's natural state into a foreign one. I try to maintain the same level of glee the dolphin channeler seems to be imparting, but it's like being ridden/riding a hyperactive mount. Plus, I'm a little scared by this. Scared enough that the profundity isn't present anymore, as it had been in the past. Then this force keeps pulling my chin up to look at the dream catcher. I instinctively know it's saying it reached me through Pandy's dreamcatcher gift. And I'd woken up a couple of times with very negative, demonic feelings towards this lovely piece of craftsmanship, (though I'd had the same experience with the boom box on the window sill, and it's beady

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red eyes, so take that as you will. These experiences were highly hallucinatory, but never led to anything more than suspicious stares. But the implications are obvious. These beings (for by now it's obvious there are many) reached right into me through the dreamcatcher, AKA merkaba, and were using me like a puppet. And I could literally feel the hooks in me, including what felt like three crystalline shards jutting from my crown chakra, that this entity had in its grasp. I keep having my head turned toward my wife, and am urged to cuddle with her. I'm filled with this sense of judgment that I haven't been giving this precious love of mine anywhere near the attention she deserves. While struggling with recovery from my bipolar diagnosis, I had certainly fallen into the pattern of feeling that I wasn't good enough for her, a horrible person, and all the other things the negative side of the ego tells us when the depression starts to set in. And somehow, going through that last year prepared me enough to where I recognized the judgment was coming from outside. Moreover, whatever these energies wanted with me, I knew while I could handle it, my wife wouldn't be ready at all for something like this. I decided to get up and puzzle through this on my own without the potential of this interrupting her sleep cycle. It was then, out of my wife's sight, that the tone turned to the dark. A lot is going on simultaneously, actually. I'm being tugged in specific directions (as before, last spring) as if hooks are in my jaw, forehead, nostrils, shoulders, heart chakra, solar plexus. I'm still hearing Reece's voice, although he keeps saying, "Gentle! Gentle!" not to me, but to them, acting as sort of a go between. Now, I'm not going so far as to suggest this is literally Reese Jones's spirit, but that at very least my mind has latched onto his voice as some sort of internal guide during this somewhat traumatic experience. IF the real 3d Reese has some sort of forthcoming corroborative evidence about this, then I'll re-evaluate. But it could easily have just been me. The movements, however, were not. There was a general push and pull of energies, urging my muscles in a particular way, and if I just relaxed a bit, I was in their grip. I could fight it with some extra will, but to do so was tiring, and I got the feeling these beings were going to have their say one way or another.

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Several times during this section, I am pulled to the kitchen, and shown a knife. Now, this particular knife is a dull but pointy one that would struggle to cut butter. There are far sharper knives in the drawer if it were truly threatening me with causing me to hurt myself. The inference is pretty clear, but I call its bluff. I'm not buying it. But, it IS powerful, so I sense the need to negotiate. I realize and insist that I can take over at any time, but it's certainly not without effort. Attempts to move against the pull don't directly cause pain, just tiredness. Like moving against a current, or walking through thick air. This thing is insistent. I'm filled with this sense that I could be mind controlled into doing something awful, but then, the months I spent hearing voices and being urged to harm myself have steeled me against this. I am non-plussed at the threat. The threads pull me into the kitchen, raise my head to the light. There's no loving kindness in this, only recognition that I'm communicating through light, just as I have in months prior. That this/ these spirits have been watching me for a while now, and some aspect of them judges me harshly for my behavior. Like an angry father or mother who doesn't have the whole story, but has to wear itself out due to how wound up they are about it. Too much so to be truly objective. I have this intense guilt dumped on me, as if someone had just joined my head, spot read my memories and picked out things out of context to be mad about. And they were demanding my confessions for things that had long been settled, going as far as to suggest I should wake my wife and start telling her things I'd done in past lives. I knew that would only freak her out, and that the notion was ridiculous. I take back control (although I can feel what feels like energetic, barbed, fleshy tentacles, or talons, or probes lacing through my body. Like all of these things simultaneously. Yet, it's never quite sharp enough to hurt, and just borders on the edge of pleasure, pressure and discomfort) long enough to check on my girls. I wake them briefly to make sure they aren't having nightmares, or, god forbid, being puppeted around like I had been. Seeing them through my eyes seems to calm the aggressiveness of the energies, yet at the same time they continue to note that my heart chakra isn't radiating with the level of love they deem a father should

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(more out of context judgments). Me, I'm just trying to stay calm through all of this. After gaining brief respite checking on the girls, the force pulls me into the kitchen, and shows me a knife, leaving it just shy of inferring that I should or could be made to kill myself, if I don't do as I'm told. Again, my experiences give me enough armor to be non-plussed at this threat. Why not kill me now, rather than go through all the threats? The force seems frustrated. Small. Human. And so do these judgements. As if someone read the synopsis of my mind without bothering to take the whole journey, and needed vengeance against me. The voice in my head takes on the shape of various other real people I know, casting more fiery judgment on me, at this point lifting, dropping, and twisting me around like I'm in full body peristalsis. And through all of it, I feel like... like it's all just bluster. I half expected Bodie and Pandy to have memories of having done this to me, but that is confirmed untrue (as yet. Time is unraveling still, so... you never know. Or, could have happened in their dreams, and they have no recollection). So, I have to assume that all of the personas were pulled from my head, possibly even Wally. Though the literal nods and head shakes seemed to imply otherwise, at least for the first few consciousnesses. Now it just feels like I'm being taught a lesson. I try a few of the demon ridding techniques I've been taught. Calling out to Christ, to Jehovah, to the angels, etc. These only get reflected back at me, because they are included in the package (and so am I). I start to feel the claws push and tug on my throat chakra, inducing retches. They're suggesting that if I don't talk of my own accord, they can make me say whatever they want. But again, this comes with some sort of overblown sense of anger at me, my soul and body in particular, towards things I don't even fully comprehend. It's like being spanked by the ghost of Hulk Hogan blaming me for taking drugs that he himself is addicted to (who we know now beyond a shadow of a doubt is a great bit more naughty than the character he portrayed). Instead of an unconditionally loving spirit carefully addressing its audience as dear ones, this was the judgment of gods. I didn't believe in demons? Well, here , watch yourself dance. But you see the paradoxes?

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There are no anti-gravity acrobatics, and my movements are always propelled by my own feet (even while drawn forward like I've got webs attached to me). I feel both as if this being is all bluster, and yet at the same time being very careful not to be too... aggressive. And although the entire interaction is completely validated from my perspective as an outside force toying me, I have to wonder if this outside force isn't just another human who broke through telepathically, found a way into my body and started acting judgmental and self righteous. At some point, it pulls me towards the garage, and openly condemns my marijuana usage, pointing out that it itself used it to gain this connection. I ask if I stop using it, will it go away, and it says yes. Another paradox. A demon/angel, that tries to enforce old world morality through bullying and threats? At the same time, I get that this force could do horrible things... and yet, never really would. I took an absolute stand that I would never hurt myself or others, regardless of what it tried to infer, and it seemed to accept this with a whole range of emotions. At this point, it hasn't done anything I can't forgive it for. It sort of feels worn out at this point. Confused. Reaching deeper into my memories, it's former fervor is gone. And it is adamant that the only way it can reach me this deeply is through Cannabis, and is insistent that I stop using it, because it allows it to reach me. Kind of self conflating, right? I ask if I'll be allowed to sleep, and I'm promised I will be. I go to sleep weary, shaken, but wishing love on my former tormentor, certain that whatever misunderstandings we have now will be understood later, and hopeful that when I wake, and the Cannabis has worn off, so will this force's ability to jerk me around. 01-15-2013 DAY I wake with some trepidation, but as promised, control has been relinquished. I feel the claws and tentacles gently slumbering within, but no sense of control or awareness. The message was clear though, and not one I wished to argue with. I needed to get over my depression, and do right by my family. Bullied or not, I feel compelled to move in that direction. And so I set about doing
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just that, though you can imagine the difficulty of getting to work and staying motivated after a night being used as a puppet by a force more powerful than little old me. I find myself caught between sharing this information with my wife, and the possibility of scaring the bejeezus out of her. But just in case I am forced into some erratic behavior I figure it better if she knows. It's the only way I feel I can protect both of us. So, I tell her the entire story, and she listens with concern and understanding. I tell her about the cannabis part of it, and share that although I've been using cannabis for medical and spiritual purposes, I have of late been feeling like I'm falling into a pattern where I'm too reliant upon it, and have been considering taking a break if not quitting entirely. She reminds me that there is a clear and present difference and benefit to my cannabis usage, and we agree that it's probably for the best to wait until Spring to taper off, since I've had some really horrible crying jags, and cannabis has been my best mood regulator. 01-15-2013 EVENING So, having bared my soul and come to a reasonable conclusion, that night I decide to do the Indica again, outside under the stars as per usual. And on some level I know what's about to happen (I was warned, after all) and immediately upon lighting up, I feel the hooks tighten in me. I'm immediately filled with a sense of urgent communication, of very powerful forces. This time it's not coming from ghosts (just yet) but rather from the stars themselves. I hear Shahasrhalla's voice, and find my chin tugged to look at Alderbaran, another being pulls my head to Rygel, and so on, and so on, until finally resting on Jupiter, blazing brighter than anything but the moon (which hangs like a red sliver just over the western horizon). The force tugs me into the house with greater intensity than before. I know I'm in for something rough this time, and I find it hard even to just stand up of my own accord. The stars have a message, and they want me to share it. Apparently I agreed to this, and we're long past the asking nicely phase, and well into "You're going to do this, or something bad will happen".

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And the primary motivator of these intentions seems to be Jupiter, which presents itself as the primary power in these parts. Jove. Jehovah. JHVH. It is the wandering eye of the sun, and has a function within the solar system, but has often dipped into influencing human evolution, and at least at this point is making no apologies about it (although earlier connections to Jupiter had been amicable and come with a profound level of remorse over how the divine feminine of the earth and venus had been suppressed and tormented due to its behavior. That's a story unto itself though). And both my wife and my mother instantly recognize that something's wrong with me. I can't tell my mother that Jehovah was treating me like a puppet, it's way too far out of her wheelhouse of possibilities in life. So, I take my wife into the bedroom and explain what's happening, trying to keep the most even tone I can. At some point, she starts shouting at this thing to leave me alone, and some PARTS of it do take off, but others refuse to leave without proving that they have me in their clutches. They're serious about this. And my arms start whipping around, and I feel what feels like talons pushing on my throat chakra, inducing full body retching, I'm being pulled up and dropped bonelessly (not beyond the realm of gravity though, just my upper body) and you can hear popping and tearing (but it's not painful, just... frightening. And frustrating. And annoying.) Finally, the bulk of this energy leaves, but not without keeping the hooks in. My wife and I are both in tears, shaken to the core. And I realize that the answer is not in some sort of ritualistic banishment, but in some sort of arrangement. I agree to tell their story, but absolutely refuse to be forced. I am a writer after all, and that is their best way to get their word out (because even making me spaz out like that proves nothing). There is a LOT of confusion coming from this energy too, confusion about being in a human body, confusion from beings that have passed not understanding what's happening to them. I feel pity and sadness, and love. Still unconditional love after all of this. The control slackens, and the aggression goes out of the connection. For a while, my wife can't look at me without asking if it's me or someone else. I can't blame her because I can more than see the experience
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through her eyes. The force now seems to feel ashamed of its former actions, of trying to get its way through scaring me. After trying to normalize by helping the girls with their homework, and holding each other, the pair of us finally go to sleep. Although the force leaves me alone and seems to go into slumber of its own, I still feel it there, hanging on to my insides like Velcro on flesh. 01-16-2013 I wake up with the same slumbering beast within feeling as before. This time I'm openly rebellious about this thing's intentions. I have sativah as well, and can't get the idea out of my mind that I might be able to used that blend to connect to this thing without being controlled. It turns out my supposition was correct. With one strain, I wake the dragon (although I feel as though each time this happens, I'm maintaining more control) while with another I establish a much more gentle connection. I still feel the sensation of energetic, barbed tentacles wrapping through my body, but now I wonder... has this always been there? After I take my Sativah, I decide to call this thing's bluff. If you really ARE Jupiter, I say, then show yourself when I step outside. I had already ventured out, and the night was thick with a fog that the moon can barely tackle. Yet as I step outside, there it is, hanging in the sky, blazing through the fog. Jupiter.

=====

PART 2 Although the writing feels pretty rough still, I think the quality can be forgiven in light of the experience. I still feel it in me, like a thousand claws, or the business end of a biopsy device repeated over and over throughout my neck and chest. It feels sore and tired, like I've been working out all day, while "the dragon" slumbers. Even through all of that, I feel whatever this is, it is for all intents and purposes, just as frightened and confused as I am, and we are equally alien to one another, yet inextricably linked.
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It just needs to know that I don't respond well to being forced, threatened or coerced, and because it HAS done those things, I must question it. And since it's not leaving, we need to work out how to get along.

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PART 3 Have you ever seen the movie Spirited Away? Great film. There's a dragon in the movie that gets wounded and thrashes about before collapsing to rest, and that's sort of how "it" feels right now, like I'm in the jaws of a sleeping beast that really doesn't want to hurt anyone, but has thrashed itself into exhaustion. LOL *I* kind of feel like an intrepid reporter telling monologuing as I'm swallowed whole. But at the same time, I don't feel any REAL danger. Just... curiosity as to what is REALLY going on (once you reduce down all the claims, persona and narrative).

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PART 4 UPDATE - 11:05PM, 01/16/13 Wednesday - Wodin'sday (AKA Jove the Allfather, the wind itself). So I've taken a very firm stance in affirming my sovereignty in this matter, and made my demands verbally clear to any entities looking to merge with me, and this gestalt being has responded by truly embracing the idea that we can work together for mutually beneficial purposes. With that in mind, I experimented with both forms of cannabis, making it abundantly clear that I was in charge here, and sensing that in some ways this being was as entangled in me as I was in it. And through me, it understands that threats, nor aggression, nor force will yield it any results, and so it has relented to a partnership of sorts. In some ways it is my higher self. In some ways I am its higher self. I feel it in my teeth, like the interesting pleasure of a loose tooth being pushed.

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I feel it like flames, licking up and down my spine. I feel my heart, like a flock of tiny birds, fluttering against the sensitive flesh of my ribs. Sometimes I feel it press against my throat, my tongue, powerfully yet gently. My body is awakening into its own. It feels like an intelligent beast, with a story all its own to tell. Moreover, I begin to sense that it has always been here, energetically wrapped into my muscular and nervous system, that somehow we had awakened to each other's presences nearly simultaneously, and each spiritually lashed out at one another in confusion and frustration. At its core what I sense is a wounded beast, confused, awakened into an entanglement with a third dimension from a hibernative state. It is intelligent, and much like I imagine the Luck dragon, Falcor from the Neverending story. It is like the Life of Pi is playing out energetically in my chest and in my belly. All claws and fangs. Like my muscles are a suit, learning to tame themselves. I find music of all sorts helps tame it, and helps us resonate in harmony with one another. It has always been here, within all of us, and each may feel its awakening differently. But mine, most unmistakably, is a dragon. And the more empathy and love I send it, the more the discomfort yields to understanding. This is me, in another dimension, manifesting in this dimension. Our mutual fear of one another, and the sheer element of change itself had clashed, sending out ripples of egoic self defense, rooted in fear, shame and guilt. Those elements that might have intended me actual harm had fled, or engaged in dramatics and left, when confronted. Yet what remained was me, and another extension of me, intimately connected, new to this reality, but old to the cosmos, a slumbering dragon, from a place and time with different rules. One whose bullying really was bluster, and bark far worse than his bite. What of Wally's spirit? It seems to me that this entity is part of a much greater energetic whole, and may or may not still be directly connected, may have moved on... or, even perhaps is still alive, his death a bit of neighborhood gossip become imagined truth, but real enough potential for an energetic being to reach into and use in an attempt to communicate something. It's just that at first, that something was
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control. Dominance. Out of fear. But ultimately a noble thing, just prone to lashing out without understanding the consequences of its actions at the time.
=====

PART 5

UPDATE: 1:10PM, 01-17-2013 Thursday - Thorsday (day of the fire, the son, the spirit, the self, the light). Wow, what a night. Some of the most detailed and incredible, layer 4 lucid dreaming experiences, just one after the other. I'll be taking some time to go through those, and what I learned from them (honestly, it was so incredible, I laid in bed until 1pm experiencing scene after scene, after scene) but I wanted to first update my experiences with Shazzy, since they have been so prominently effecting this world. At this moment, Shazzy is actually sort of... sleep brooding right now. He/she is in a bit of a funk, and I'm pretty sure it's because it's normally a quite vain, precocious and domineering thing, and to be told forcefully that it wasn't getting its way, well... It's dealing with that level of disappointment. I think it woke up and fully expected it could just boss it's way into anything. The big take away here, for anyone who ends up in a situation that feels like possession, is to stay calm, stand your ground, and use words to be clear that you won't be bullied, forced, blackmailed or frightened, and any attempts will net nothing. As for me, a bigger picture seems to be coming into focus for me. I'm almost completely sure this being is and has always been a part of me, AND simultaneously poking into other realities. I think we all have it, and more and more people might have this type of awakening. Hopefully for them, it's less frightening initially. My wife is getting over the shake up. It's like... my id. The beast within, literally entrenched within the neuromuscular system. It either can't force me, or doesn't have the will to do so, anymore, but I feel it's presence constantly, embedded within me. It's like, I am IT's higher self, but it's BEEN my higher self, and we kind of leap frog each other up the ladder perhaps. Or, it's the lower part of my
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higher self, or... Hell, I'm going to need a whole new set of terms to describe this without getting lost. Suffice to say, my kundalini awakened, and in my case it turns out it's a transdimensional dragon. Interestingly enough, I have been initiated in some of the esoteric secrets of the tarot (another story) and the Strength card (linked here) is specifically meant to describe the taming of the kundalini, and how through gentleness, firmness and love, the two beings can be as one.

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